Raising Elite Competitors

Latest Episodes:

3 Ways to Help Athletes Manage High Expectations Nov 23, 2021

Show notes

High expectations are something that many female athletes struggle with.

Many athletes feel like there are so many expectations for them to perform well and if they don't, then they are letting people down - their teammates, their coaches, their parents, and themselves. I hear this a lot!
Then I hear parents comment that their daughter's are putting too much pressure on themselves with these high expectations and they have no idea how she got those expectations into her head.

Often, athletes who hold these very high expectations for themselves are focusing on external outcomes such as winning, scoring a certain number of points, getting a certain time, or other outcomes that are beyond their personal control.

This leads to more pressure and anxiety and unmanaged pressure and anxiety leads to poor play. Poor play then makes them feel like they haven't met the expectation and instead have failed.

It's a downward, self-fulfilling spiral. Holding these unreasonably high expectations leads to self-sabotage and less confidence because they actually think they have to meet these expectations and then feel there's no way they can.

Instead, we want out athletes to focus on having high standards. High expectations and high standards are not the same! We'll talk all about that in this episode.

Expectations - Usually outcome based like score/time/winning (out of the athlete's control)

Standards - Usually effort/attitude/work-ethic based (In an athlete's control)

So, the goal is to have no expectations and high standards.

Here's the process I'll teach you in this episode on how athletes can navigate the expectations and shift towards standards:

Manage the expectations
1. Get clear on exactly what they are and who they are coming from
  1. Coaches
  2. Parents
  3. Teammates
  4. Themselves
Stop mind-reading
1. Realize there are expectations that might not exist
  1. A coach saying "nice job on that double-double last night!" Does not immediately mean they expect that from you.
2. Who are you playing for? Yourself or your mom, dad, coaches, teammates, etc
Focus on standards of:
1. Effort
2. Preparation
3. Behavior
4. Process

Making the shift from high expectations to high standards is a key element we teach in our Elite Competitor Program. It's imperative to building confidence in our female athletes and enabling them to compete at their best... and it's something that all athletes can get started with right now.

Helpful Links:

Visit our podcast website for more on this episode
Download the free resources we've created for you
Join us inside our FREE Facebook Group - The Elite Competitor Society - for weekly Q&A, periodic trainings and challenges, and the support of an amazing community of moms, coaches, and the men who partner with us!

The BEST way to help us spread the word and get this information into the hands of millions of parents, coaches, and female athletes is by leaving a rating and review on Apple Podcasts. Thank you in advance for joining us on our mission!

Join our FREE live training for sports parents: The Do's and Don'ts of Strengthening Your Athlete's Mental Game! -> REGISTER HERE

Optimizing Female Athlete Nutrition w/ Registered Dietician Haley Vilhauer Nov 16, 2021

Show notes

I hate to get caught up in the “what-if” game when I look back at my athletic career. Usually because it’s a waste of time to be stuck in the past that I can’t change, right?!

However, there is one aspect of training that I absolutely know would have made a difference for me as an athlete, had I known.

And that's how to properly fuel my body as a female athlete.

Ok, to be fair, I knew the basics…

Skittles probably aren’t the best pre-match meal.
I should drink some water.
Veggies are always a good choice!

But, beyond that, I didn’t really consider that what I was putting into my body (and when I was doing it) could make a huge difference in my performance.

That's why I'm so excited to bring Haley Vilhauer on today! She's a Certified High Performance Coach, Registered Dietitian & Functional Nutritionist and we're chatting about how to utilize nutrition to optimize performance.

Plus, I'll ask a few specific questions from moms in our community!

We covered a lot of topics that you won't want to miss:

What exactly is a registered dietician and functional nutritionist?
The key drivers when it comes to optimizing performance for female athletes
Common nutrition pitfalls
Under nourishing - a serious problem!
Having a plan
Pre and post competition fueling
Listening to your body, testing, listening some more
How moms can motivate and encourage healthy eating habits without nagging (Haley's response sounds like it's right out of our '#realconfidence playbook'!)
To eat or not to eat sweets
The role of caffeine
How to support an iron deficiency + a tip to increase iron absorption that was new to us too!
Protein for a vegetarian or vegan athlete
Supporting growth... yes, ways to support growing taller!

A key takeaway for me is that female athlete’s bodies are different from non-female athletes, and each body is different from the next.

Female athletes require more fuel, and specific types of fuel to sustain hours of training, recovery, and performance.

This was such a great conversation and we're thankful to have Haley hosting a workshop with our Elite Competitor Program Athletes and then also building specific plans and providing ongoing coaching with our Dream Team!

Helpful Links:

Learn more about Haley and book a strategy call if you're interested in nutritional support for you or your athlete
Follow Haley @haleyscoaching on Instagram!
Visit our podcast website for more on this episode
Download the free resources we've created for you
Join us inside our FREE Facebook Group - The Elite Competitor Society - for weekly Q&A, periodic trainings and challenges, and the support of an amazing community of moms, coaches, and the men who partner with us!

Join our FREE live training for sports parents: The Do's and Don'ts of Strengthening Your Athlete's Mental Game! -> REGISTER HERE

3 Strategies For Athletes Who Are Too Hard On Themselves Nov 04, 2021

Show notes

I have yet to meet a female athlete that doesn’t struggle with some aspect of perfectionism.

It’s pretty common, in fact. Athletes want to do well. They want to constantly be improving. They want to hit new levels of performance.

This is all GREAT and necessary. However, there’s a fine line between healthy striving and the unrealistic expectations that come with perfectionism.

The Difference Between Perfectionism and “High Standards”

Oftentimes, athletes like to mask their perfectionism behind having “high standards” or goals for themselves.

They think that if they aren’t relentlessly hard on themselves and aiming for perfection, they won’t perform well or improve.

When, in fact, the opposite happens. The need to be perfect and achieve unrealistic standards actually leaves athletes feeling less confident in their abilities when they fall short.

We'll break it all down in this episode...

How do we help athletes make this shift from perfectionism to healthy striving?! Three steps...

1. Identify and discard strict or meaningless expectations

This is where I want athletes to physically write out and list all the expectations they have for themselves or that they feel from others (coaches, parents, teammates, crowd, etc) and follow the process that I outline in this episode.

2. Replace expectations with a process-oriented goal

The expectations that are left should be ones that are realistic and meaningful to the athlete.

From here, we are going to focus on changing them to process-oriented goals.

Do this for every expectation that is listed.

3. Remove judgement from performance

Finally, remove judgement from performance. This is key!

We want to CRITIQUE, not CRITICIZE performance. Athletes need to stick to the facts when evaluating how they performed, rather than judgements.

Bonus Tip!

We become, move towards, and create what we think about most. This can work both FOR and AGAINST our athletes.

If our athletes are constantly looking to the past and beating themselves up for what they did wrong and never feeling good enough, then that’s the future they will create for themselves!

On the other hand, if our athletes have a vision of who they want to become, visualize it daily, and align their actions to that vision, they will be well on their way to reaching potential and handling setbacks as a way to propel them forward.

One fun way we tap into this is through creating a vision board! We host a Bonus Vision Board Workshop with each new group in the Elite Competitor Program and the athletes love getting creative and seeing their goals and visions come to life in a way they can see daily.

Helpful Links:

Visit our podcast website for more on this episode
Download the free resources we've created for you
Join us inside our FREE Facebook Group - The Elite Competitor Society - for weekly Q&A, periodic trainings and challenges, and the support of an amazing community of moms, coaches, and the men who partner with us!

Join our FREE live training for sports parents: The Do's and Don'ts of Strengthening Your Athlete's Mental Game! -> REGISTER HERE

What It Really Takes To Play At The 'Next Level' Nov 02, 2021

Show notes

Talk to most athletes and they’ll say that they want to “level up.”

This desire is the first step. Unfortunately, that won’t take most athletes far enough. What separates those athletes that want to level up and those that actually do?

In my experience playing at the collegiate level, being a head coach for the past 10 years, and as a mindset coach for high-performing athletes, the ones that actually level up have these things in common…

They Have a Clear Vision

Athletes that play and excel at the next level have a vision of what they want. They are specific about what level they want to be playing at, what it will look like when they get there, and what it will feel like to achieve it.

They may not get exactly what they want, depending on how specific they are, but they know that they will absolutely be able to achieve another level of performance by embodying the mindset, habits, and behaviors of the athlete that competes at the level they desire.

In support of this vision, these athletes ask for advice, study how others got there, and emulate their path to success.

They Put In the Extra Reps

Now that these athletes have a clear vision, they know that they can’t get there without sweat equity. “There are no shortcuts” as they say.

They are typically the hardest workers in the gym. The ones that come early, stay late, seek extra training, and embrace all feedback as necessary to getting them closer to their goals.

They don’t wait on other people to make them work hard.

They Prioritize Their Mental Game

Average athletes who don’t tend to level up miss this important step, either because they don’t see the importance or they don’t know how to do it.

The best athletes and the ones that compete at higher levels understand that training the mind is just as important as training the body, so they make it a high priority.

This includes visualizing their success, having a daily mindset routine, establishing clear and effective pre and post competition routines, having strategies to reframe negative self-talk and skills to be able to come back from mistakes quickly (to name a few).

They seek out ways that they can be supported and guided in the process of improving their mental game because they know that their physical skill can only get them so far.

As parents/coaches, it’s also your job to support them in their pursuits, provide opportunities, and allow them to access the next level by utilizing these three key drivers to their success!

Helpful Links:

Visit our podcast website for more on this episode
Download the free resources we've created for you
Join us inside our FREE Facebook Group - The Elite Competitor Society - for weekly Q&A, periodic trainings and challenges, and the support of an amazing community of moms, coaches, and the men who partner with us!

Join our FREE live training for sports parents: The Do's and Don'ts of Strengthening Your Athlete's Mental Game! -> REGISTER HERE

How to Avoid Common Confidence Killers In Female Athletes Oct 26, 2021

Show notes

I recently surveyed our Elite Competitor Society moms/coaches, asking: “What kills your daughter’s confidence the most when it comes to her sport/performance?”

Turns out, there are a few things that moms of female athletes agree on that cut their athlete daughter’s confidence the most.

So, let’s face them head on!

Note: All three of these confidence cutters deserve their own separate discussions! We are touching on them at a higher level right now to provide some quick-wins and strategies to start addressing them.

Confidence Killer #1: Unrealistic Expectations

Let’s start with the one that I tend to see most often: athletes putting unrealistic expectations on themselves to play or perform a certain way.

This usually stems from a level of perfectionism or perfectionistic tendencies that pop up and rob athletes of their confidence when they inevitably don’t measure up to where they think they should be.

This is pretty common. High achieving athletes want to do well. They want to constantly be improving. They want to hit new levels of performance.

This is all GREAT and necessary. However, there’s a fine line between healthy striving and the unrealistic expectations that come with perfectionism. We'll dig into that and also talk about three steps to take to help shift towards healthy striving.

Confidence Killer #2: Inability to Come Back From Mistakes

This is HUGE! Mistakes are a part of every athlete’s career. They are how we learn and are necessary, especially in the early phases of learning.

However, they have the potential to be enormous confidence killers in athletes. Especially if they are happening during competition when they all eyes are on them.

We'll discuss a few different steps to helping athletes bounce back from mistakes, including the “mistake ritual” that we teach all athletes in our Elite Competitor Program.

Confidence Killer #3: Toxic Coaches and/or Teammates

This one is multi-faceted. I’ll address what I see most in terms of “toxic” coaches and teammates.

Note: If players are suffering emotional, verbal, or physical abuse from coaches, adult intervention is needed immediately.

What I am going to address here is toxic coaching in terms of negativity that often brings players down and cuts their confidence.

Coaches that create an environment where players don’t feel valued, like they can do anything right, or not making progress because of lack of feedback can be difficult.

We'll talk about some strategies you and your player can use right now. We'll also touch again on toxic teammates.

There you have it! The three most common confidence killers in female athletes and some strategies to get you going on how to address them.

Helpful Links:

Visit our podcast website for more on this episode
Download the free resources we've created for you
Join us inside our FREE Facebook Group - The Elite Competitor Society - for weekly Q&A, periodic trainings and challenges, and the support of an amazing community of moms, coaches, and the men who partner with us!

The BEST way to help us spread the word and get this information into the hands of millions of parents, coaches, & female athletes is by leaving a rating and review on Apple Podcasts. Thank you in advance for joining us on our mission!

Join our FREE live training for sports parents: The Do's and Don'ts of Strengthening Your Athlete's Mental Game! -> REGISTER HERE

3 Strategies to Handle "Mean Girls" in Sports Oct 19, 2021

Show notes

I started getting good at volleyball around my sophomore year when I finally started to grow into my 6ft frame.

I was playing a lot. I started getting noticed... by colleges, other teams, and coaches.

My teammates also noticed. And some didn’t like it...

I can remember the snarky comments.. “She thinks she’s so good…”
The subtle eye rolls when coach would announce the starting lineup.
And wanting to hide my stats in the paper so that some of my teammates wouldn’t see.

As females, we walk this line of “being your best” but “not too good” daily.

Today, I’m talking about how to handle the teammates who bring you down.

Here’s what to do if you’ve got a “mean girl” situation on your hands…

Decide who’s opinion you care about

“Don’t worry about what others think” sounds good, but it isn’t totally realistic.

We are wired to care about what other people think of us.

However, how much we care about what others think is in our control.

What’s even more important? What we think about ourselves.

One activity that I love to help with this comes from Brené Brown’s book Rising Strong.

I share exactly what to do in the episode!

Keep her goals at the forefront

Athletes can remind themselves of their long-term goals, the athlete they want to become, and the big picture of what they're trying to achieve daily. This should be a part of a daily mindset routine to help her focus on who she is becoming.

She can ask herself what she cares about more: The opinions of some of her teammates or what she wants to achieve and accomplish in her sport?

Most of the time, her long-term goals will win out and it will make snarky comments and petty actions seem small in comparison.

Practice compassion

This one might sound surprising, but it helps to shift your mindset to take a peek into why these “mean girls” feel the need to bring others down.

Usually it’s because they are feeling jealous and insecure and don’t know what else to do. Often, bringing others down is their attempt to feel better about themselves.

This absolutely does not excuse bad behavior, but it can help to realize that their actions are often less about your athlete and more about themselves.

Stand Up and/or Seek help

If a teammate’s behavior is continuing to impact her, it is absolutely okay to speak up, hold boundaries, and tell them how their actions make her feel.

Of course, if you are feeling threatened, bullied, or in a situation of harassment or abuse, seek help from your coach or parent immediately!

“Mean girls” are difficult. However, with simple shifts to her mindset (and choosing to take further action if needed) she can absolutely thrive despite them.

Helpful Links:

Visit our podcast website for more on this episode
Download the free resources we've created for you
Join us inside our FREE Facebook Group - The Elite Competitor Society - for weekly Q&A, periodic trainings and challenges, and the support of an amazing community of moms, coaches, and the men who partner with us!

Join our FREE live training for sports parents: The Do's and Don'ts of Strengthening Your Athlete's Mental Game! -> REGISTER HERE

Simple Secrets to Overcoming Comparison in Athletics & Life Oct 12, 2021

Show notes

The comparison game can be a tricky one.

It can easily leave athletes feeling defeated, discouraged, and distracted. (And let’s face it, this doesn’t just happen with athletes!)

Comparison is a part of life that is hard (impossible, maybe) to get away from. We are naturally inclined to compare our abilities, situations, appearances, etc. to those around us.

But, what if our athletes could actually use this to their advantage to improve confidence and performance, rather than leave them feeling discouraged?

Below, we’re going to learn just that! Here’s how to make comparison become a good thing:

Turn Jealousy Into Inspiration

When athletes are feeling stuck comparing themselves to that strong player that never seems to make a mistake, they must pay attention to the thoughts that float around in their head.

Instead of feeling jealous or defeated, we can choose to feel inspired instead.

We can change our thoughts to ones that are more productive and leave us inspired and ready to take action.
We'll dig into this more in the episode.

Pay Attention to Triggers

If the comparison game is getting out of control, your athlete can likely pinpoint key times when it happens and choose to minimize or eliminate those situations (especially if the comparison is leaving her feeling defeated rather than inspired).

Some common triggers…

-Social Media: When we get stuck scrolling for hours on end, often we feel worse about ourselves than when we began.

-When we’re feeling low/sad: Oftentimes comparison ramps up the most when we’re feeling sad or discouraged.

Maybe it was a tough practice. Maybe she failed a test. Maybe she just got into a fight with a friend. Throw some jealousy on top of that and it’s a vicious cycle that is hard to break.

We'll talk about actions she can take proactively.

Back to Gratitude

It is said that the brain can’t be in a state of gratitude and a state of fear at the same time.

When we are getting trapped in an unhealthy comparison cycle, we are essentially living in a state of fear.

Fear we aren’t good enough.
Fear we will never be as good as someone else.
Fear we don’t have what it takes.
Fear there isn’t enough to go around.

When we are experiencing gratitude on the other hand, we are free to focus on what we have, rather than what we don’t have.

We can shift to loving and appreciating ourselves and our unique journey, rather than wishing we were different.

When we're caught comparing, one of the most simple things we can do is create a list of 50 things in life that we're grateful for.

Everything from our abilities to the opportunities we have to the roof over our head.

Try it, and be amazed at the shift in your perspective!

There you have it! Three simple ways to overcome comparison and use it to your athlete's advantage on and off the court to build confidence, increase belief in herself, and enable her elite performance. Hint: It will work for you too!

Helpful Links:

Visit our podcast website for more on this episode
Download the free resources we've created for you
Join us inside our FREE Facebook Group - The Elite Competitor Society - for weekly Q&A, periodic trainings and challenges, and the support of an amazing community of moms, coaches, and the men who partner with us!

Join our FREE live training for sports parents: The Do's and Don'ts of Strengthening Your Athlete's Mental Game! -> REGISTER HERE

3 Strategies Your Perfectionist Athlete Needs Now Oct 05, 2021

Show notes

How often have you seen this scenario with your female athlete...

She had a pretty good game. Maybe she competed well and did a lot of great things. However, she can’t stop thinking and talking about that ONE mistake she made.

She's playing it over and over in her head and beating herself up.
Sound familiar?

I used to be the same way as an athlete! It never seemed like anything was “good enough.” I would get a career high number of kills in a match, but go home feeling disappointed because I hit one ball out.

I know many athletes who feel the same way.

So, if your athlete feels the need to always be perfect, listen up! We're going to dig into how athletes can reframe their success to feel confident no matter how they play.

#1: Set process-oriented goals

Often, athletes want to set result-oriented goals. For example: Score 15 points in a game, get a perfect score, or achieve a certain benchmark.

While these are good things to aim for, result-oriented goals end up cutting an athlete’s confidence. They are usually strict, restrictive, and often dependent on many other factors that might be out of an athlete’s control (like the refs, opponents, teammates, etc…)

Instead, athletes should focus on changing these outcomes to process-oriented goals.

Focusing on process goals can actually help athletes outperform their original outcome goal!

#2: Redefine Success

What I see often is that athletes have a narrow view of “success.” Usually, they define success as…

Winning
Not making mistakes
Scoring a certain number of points

Like we mentioned previously, defining success as only outcome-oriented can leave an athlete never feeling like she’s good enough.

This is not to say that athletes shouldn’t have big goals, dreams, and visions for themselves.

But without reframing how they define success, athletes can feel like they are always in pursuit of something that doesn’t exist rather than finding joy, success, and progress in the process.

Athletes can redefine success to mean:

Improvement (tracking and comparing performance over time)
Reaching process-oriented goals (like the ones they set in step #1)
Maintaining daily habits (including daily mental training routines)
Mastery of new skills
Learning from failure
Recovering from mistakes faster

There’s so many more markers of success that go beyond scoring points or winning!

#3 - Have a solid post-competition routine

One of the key ways to allow athletes to process their performance in a healthy way (and to stop dwelling on everything they’ve done wrong) is to complete an intentional post-competition routine within 24 hours after competing.

Snag the post-competition routine we use with athletes in our programs here!

Bonus:

Your athlete is perfect exactly the way she is. Here's what she needs to know:

💗 You don’t need to perform to be loved.
💗 Your self-worth is not dependent on how many points you score.
💗 You are more than your sport.
💗 Being you is enough.

Helpful Links:

Post Competition Routine Cheat Sheet
Visit our podcast website for more on this episode
Download the free resources we've created for you
Join us inside our FREE Facebook Group - The Elite Competitor Society - for weekly Q&A, periodic trainings and challenges, and the support of an amazing community!

Join our FREE live training for sports parents: The Do's and Don'ts of Strengthening Your Athlete's Mental Game! -> REGISTER HERE

How She Did It: Emma's Journey to Confidence Sep 28, 2021

Show notes

Join basketball, volleyball, and track star Emma Behrmann as she shares her journey to confidence through the Elite Competitor Program!

Highlights include:

How she learned to overcome mistakes and failures
Her struggle with perfectionism and how she shifted her focus to allow for healthy striving
The key strategy she used to break free from caring about the opinions of others

When asked what Emma would tell other athletes who are considering joining The Elite Competitor Program, she shared:
"I probably would say just do it. I mean, it completely changed my mindset and not just in sports, but in life. You need to work hard and always do the work and push yourself to be better because you won't regret it in the end and it'll all be worth it. And I would also say that it's hard at first. I think you told us that, that it gets easier as you go along, but you'll just be really happy you did the work... cause I'm happy that I did it and it shows."

Emma's story is one that your daughter can very likely relate to and her transformation is one you're not going to want to miss!!

Helpful Links:

Visit our podcast website for more on this episode
Download the free resources we've created for you
Join us inside our FREE Facebook Group - The Elite Competitor Society - for weekly Q&A, periodic trainings and challenges, and the support of an amazing community of moms, coaches, and the men who partner with us!

**Bonus** Overcoming Mistakes with Tarah and Evelyn Sep 23, 2021

Show notes

We have a special interview with Tarah (mom) and Evelyn (athlete daughter) today! They're going to share their experience inside The Elite Competitor Program, Tarah ends by saying: "We really have loved this program. And I think that you and Kristina are such great encouragers and Evelyn's already looking up to you guys as role models and mentioning you guys at different times.
And so I'm just so grateful that you have this. I think you've really identified an issue that female athletes have. And so I think that all of the areas that you work on are so relevant."
We asked Evelyn what she felt like before joining the program and she said: "I felt a lot of pressure. I had a lot of fun at practices, but then whenever it came game time, I was so nervous. I kind of got a little sick before games and I think I was more concerned about what other people thought whenever I made mistakes then what I could do to change the mistakes and what to do better next time."
When asked what Tarah would tell other moms, she shares:
"We would encourage her and and tell her all the things that we saw and that we believe.
But until she thought about it and took the time to really explore her thoughts and her self-talk and visualizing herself as the athlete that she knows she could be versus what she's doing. Until that became real to her, it didn't matter. So I think that is huge. You could be saying everything you're saying, but until they work through it and they're doing that homework and they're spending that time, then it's not going to be real to them. And it's not really gonna soak in. So to me that's worth it."
She also shares: "I think we've learned a lot. I've learned from my own self-talk to really watch what I say about myself, because I don't want her to believe that about herself. It's helped me evaluate the things that I say and the beliefs that I have, because I don't want to pass that on to her."
We loved sitting down to chat with Tarah and Evelyn and hope you find their story and journey inspiring and encouraging as well!
Helpful Links:

Check out The Elite Competitor Program that Tarah and Evelyn were part of
Visit our podcast website for more on this episode
Download the free resources we've created for you
Join us inside our FREE Facebook Group - The Elite Competitor Society - for weekly Q&A, periodic trainings and challenges, and the support of an amazing community of moms, coaches, and the men who partner with us!

Join our FREE live training for sports parents: The Do's and Don'ts of Strengthening Your Athlete's Mental Game! -> REGISTER HERE

Our TOPPODCAST Picks

Follow Us

Stay Connected

Related Podcasts

Links

Stay Connected