Raising Elite Competitors

Latest Episodes:

Q&A: How Do I Help My Daughter Achieve Her Goals? Mar 03, 2022

Show notes

Elite Competitor Society member, Jen asks:
How do I help my daughter achieve her goals? She wrote them on her bathroom mirror even - what can I do to help?

For an opportunity to have your question answered, make sure to submit it in the Elite Competitor Society!

Join our FREE live training for sports parents: The Do's and Don'ts of Strengthening Your Athlete's Mental Game! -> REGISTER HERE

Why Parents Are the Biggest Problem In Sports with Performance Coach Collin Henderson Mar 01, 2022

Show notes

As a parent, how do you measure your child’s worth? Is it through how many wins they get? Through how many points they scored in their games? Or simply by how much you love them?

Young athletes want to make you feel proud of their achievements. They want to work hard and earn your appreciation and approval.

However, there’s a huge downside to this. Making you feel proud as their main source of motivation and drive creates this situation where they’ll look up to you in everything they do. So you have to be very careful on how you respond to their success and their failures. Especially on their failures.

For some, it builds anxiety in them. They’ll be more and more afraid to make mistakes or do anything that warrants your disapproval. It’s a standard they’ve set for themselves.

So together with Collin Henderson, we talk about how parents are the biggest problem in sports and sometimes can be the hindrance to their children’s confidence and growth.

In this podcast, we call out parents who reduce their children to their scores and wins in competition. We also discuss research and statistics that suggests most parents condition their athletes for success and when that doesn’t happen, athletes tend to question their self worth.

How to avoid conditioning your kids this way?

We have a ton of coaching on the physical side, and not on the mental side. Additionally, we coach our kids to be the perfect athlete, to be able to do this sport well.

But parents have zero coaching. And yet, they want their children to be coachable and flexible to learning and mastering the sport. There’s a lot that your kids are going through and a lot of that is partially because of you. And if you want your child to be a top performer and get a scholarship, they need intrinsic motivation, not extrinsic. If it's extrinsic coming from you, you can't sustain that.

How can you tell your athlete is afraid of disappointing you?

These are some early signs:

They start hiding things from you (i.e. game schedules, practices)
They don’t tell you about a certain game or hope that you wouldn’t go to their games
They start to become rigid around you and conscious during their games (when you’re present)

What can you do?

Tell them, no matter the result, you’ll be proud of them.
Avoid encouraging their competitiveness, that’s how it starts.
Maintain a positive reaction whenever they slip up or make a mistake. (It’s the little things that can set off their anxiety)

How can you build their confidence?

Be there for them.
Embrace the failures.
Let them know you have their full support regardless of what they want.
It’s not about you, it’s about them.

Your athlete shouldn’t be afraid or intimidated by you, instead, they should look up to you as a role model and a healthy motivation that will support them in their journey!

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Helpful Links:

Hang out with Collin on social @collinhenderson and learn more about working with him!
Visit our podcast website for more on this episode
Download the free resources we've created for you
Join us inside our FREE Facebook Group - The Elite Competitor Society - for weekly Q&A, periodic training and challenges, and the support of an amazing community of moms, coaches, and the men who partner with us!

Join our FREE live training for sports parents: The Do's and Don'ts of Strengthening Your Athlete's Mental Game! -> REGISTER HERE

The Essential Mindset Shift Every Sports Parent Needs Feb 25, 2022

Show notes

So much of our frustration comes from our own expectations of what we think “should” happen.

Consider the concept of “working”:

“Is it working?
“It’s not working”
“Is this working?”

Mindset Shift:

“Don’t measure ‘working’ by your athlete’s behavior, but by your behavior”

Measure it by what is in our control:

Our own approach
Our own behavior

Instead of measuring it by our athlete’s behavior:

She’s upset after a loss
She feels like she let the team down (again)
She feels like she’s the worst one
She had a really good practice, then a really bad tournament

You can notice your own behavior/response/approach and measure your effectiveness and progress in things such as:

I didn’t swoop in an try to ‘fix’ her problem
I was able to provide space for her to express what she’s feeling
I didn’t start to panic when she went into a spiral on the court
I didn’t criticize her right after her competition
I asked open-ended questions and guided her to her own answers

Our athletes are still going to have hard practices, matches, situations. They are still going to have big emotions and disappointments. This is totally normal and developmentally appropriate.

Ex. She feels like she didn’t play well

Your job -> Hold space for her, validate that feeling, lead her towards the next right step

Might sound like -> You feel like you didn’t play your best. Tell me more about that.

This could also sound like asking guiding questions, asking if you want to be a listener or provide your perspective.

She might still respond with -> I still feel like I suck.

She probably WON’T respond with -> “Wow, I totally see my value and potential on the team now! Thanks!”

Going back to judging if ‘it’s working’, did you do your job?

That can leave you with the sense of satisfaction (even if your athlete is still working through the situation).

Your daughter might still act like you don’t know what you’re talking about, say “you have to say that, you’re my mom,” and maybe act as if nothing that you say matters.

We can’t judge if “it’s working” based on those things.

We judge it based on our ability to shape the environment through how we show up, and by continuing to provide the opportunities for her.

Some moms think - she's still struggling, she's still doubting herself. It must not be working.

We are thinking LONG TERM. And we know that we are watering the seed for more than just now, in the moment.
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Helpful Links:

Visit our podcast website for more on this episode
Download the free resources we've created for you
Join us inside our FREE Facebook Group - The Elite Competitor Society - for weekly Q&A, periodic trainings and challenges, and the support of an amazing community of moms, coaches, and the men who partner with us!

The BEST way to help us spread the word and get this information into the hands of millions of parents, coaches, and female athletes is by leaving a rating and review on Apple Podcasts. Thank you in advance for joining us on our mission!

Join our FREE live training for sports parents: The Do's and Don'ts of Strengthening Your Athlete's Mental Game! -> REGISTER HERE

Q&A: How to Handle Negative Team Parents Feb 24, 2022

Show notes

Elite Competitor Society member, Licette asks:

Good morning! Since I found your Facebook group I have changed the way I act when my daughter plays and it she loves the change in me, but now I listen to the other parents do the things I used to do. How do I tell them to stop or just tell them to keep their comments to themselves because now that has become a pet peeve and I see how their daughter’s faces look so sad. What makes it worse they see how I am with my daughter and they come to me so I can reassure them because they’re not getting that from their parents!

In my answer, I talk about how to navigate those situations where we see negative parent interactions, what your role is, and ways you can help shape a more positive experience for both the parent and the athlete!

For an opportunity to have your question answered, make sure to submit it in the Elite Competitor Society!

Join our FREE live training for sports parents: The Do's and Don'ts of Strengthening Your Athlete's Mental Game! -> REGISTER HERE

Stop Hindering Your Athlete's Courage w/ Life & Leadership Coach Meghan Patiño Feb 22, 2022

Show notes

Courage is an essential ingredient needed for all athletes to play to their potential, reach their goals, and enjoy what they're doing in their sport.

It is often forged in the unpleasant moments, the challenges, and the disappointments. It's in these moments that sports parents often hider the exact thing that athletes need - courage!

Life and leadership coach Meghan Patiño speaks into this important topic in this episode. She shares with parents how to cultivate courage for themselves and their athletes when dealing with challenges in sports and in life as well as the three mistakes parents make when interacting with their athletes.

What is Courage?

Courage means no matter what- whether I win or lose I am enough. It's the attitude that "Yes I am imperfect and worthy of love and belonging."

Courage is an offramp from the "I’m not enough” cycle. In sports this is often triggered when dealing with a team loss, a personal mistake, criticism from a coach or teammates, or when an athlete compares themselves to others.

As parents and coaches, you are often the person your athlete is coming to when they are dealing with their mental gremlins. Our response can either support your athlete to build mental muscles for courage muscles, or continue the shame-spiral.

WARNING: Don’t use this content as a way to shame yourself as a parent or a coach yourself! We’re all human and imperfect, so approach this with some curiosity and playfulness. Where might this show up? What might I take with me to explore a new approach?

3 Top Mistakes Parents Make That Hinder Courage

These are all survival responses that often were formed from when you were a child, so be compassionate with yourself if you recognize some of these patterns in yourself.

Three common responses we discuss are the:
1.Disappointment Response

2. Make it Better Response

3. Blame Response

3 Ways to Embrace Brave Parenting (and cultivate courage for you and your athlete)

These responses come from your inner sage. This is the part of you that is deeply rooted and able to embrace strengths with struggles.

The antidote includes a combination of Courage, Compassion, and Connection*!
*This is based off of the shame-resilience research conducted by Brene Brown.

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There you have it! What courage is & why it's essential for our athletes, the top 3 mistakes that hinder courage, and how you can embrace brave parenting to cultivate courage for yourself and your athlete!

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Helpful Links:

Grab the full show notes on our podcast hub page
Hang out with Meg on social @meg.patino and learn more about working with her!
Download the free resources we've created for you
Join us inside our FREE Facebook Group - The Elite Competitor Society - for weekly Q&A, periodic trainings and challenges, and the support of an amazing community of moms, coaches, and the men who partner with us!

Join our FREE live training for sports parents: The Do's and Don'ts of Strengthening Your Athlete's Mental Game! -> REGISTER HERE

Overcoming the Fear of Success in Female Athletes Feb 18, 2022

Show notes

After my senior year in high school, I quit playing volleyball.

It was a shock to many of my coaches, teammates, and parents. Mostly because I was destined to play in college, somewhere.

There was pressure coming from all directions to be successful at the next level. It wasn’t a matter of if I was going to play in college, it was where.

Looking back, I can see how clearly one thing was controlling me (and how it controls many of the athletes I work with today!)

What is it? Fear of success.

You’d be surprised how many female athletes are held back by the fear of their own success.

Personally, I was afraid that I wouldn’t be able to live up to the expectation that others had of me in their minds.

And it wasn’t until I embraced and moved past this fear that I was able to finish out my career as a successful (and happy!) collegiate volleyball player.

In this episode, I dive into what this fear is, how to spot it, and mindset shifts to help athletes move through it.

What is Fear of Success?

First, we need to examine what “success” is in the eyes of many female athletes.

Success could mean:

- Being good (and maybe better than teammates/opponents)

- Getting recognition

- Achieving new levels or playing on higher teams

- Being a bigger contributor on the team (scoring the most points, making the plays, etc)

These all sound like good things, right? They are, but in many female athlete’s minds, these successes can also mean...

- Being expected to live up to a new standard, and fear of failure if the expectation is not met

- Jealousy from teammates

- More work

- More pressure to perform

It can feel overwhelming and cause athletes to shut down before they even start, stopping them in their tracks and preventing them from reaching potential.

What Does Fear of Success Look Like?

For many athletes that struggle with fear of success, it can look like:

- Hesitating:

- Not giving their all

- Quitting/Losing Motivation

- Procrastination/Avoidance of Training

Strategies to Overcome Fear of Success:

Much of overcoming this fear includes shifting athlete’s mindsets and creating new thoughts and stories around their success. Here are three ways:

1. Realize that more damage is done by avoiding success

2. Understand that being great doesn’t mean being perfect

3. Ask Yourself: What story do you want to write?

There you have it. The fear of success is very real for many female athletes. It’s one I’ve battled as an athlete and still struggle with from time to time as a business owner and entrepreneur.
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Helpful Links:

Visit our podcast website for more on this episode
Download the free resources we've created for you
Join us inside our FREE Facebook Group - The Elite Competitor Society - for weekly Q&A, periodic trainings and challenges, and the support of an amazing community of moms, coaches, and the men who partner with us!

Join our FREE live training for sports parents: The Do's and Don'ts of Strengthening Your Athlete's Mental Game! -> REGISTER HERE

3 Common Pre-Game Mistakes to Avoid as a Parent (and what to do instead) Feb 15, 2022

Show notes

The time before your athlete competes is very fragile!
It's also a great time for you to focus on your own game plan so you can help build confidence and ensure she feels her best as she goes into her competition.

Athletes often have a lot of feelings as they're preparing to compete. These could include:

Nerves/Anxiousness
Excitement
Pressure

The goal is that she goes out and feels confident and ready.

In the Elite Competitor Program, we help athletes do their own preparation work to help ensure they are ready.
However, what you say and do beforehand also has a huge impact! It can help... or absolutely hinder her performance and cause her to focus on the wrong things.

In this episode, I'll share three common mistakes I see parents making and what to do instead:

Mistake #1: Confusing your role

You are MOM. Not the coach, ref, or player. This means no coaching before a game or trying to "remind" her of what she needs to do.

What to do instead: Support! "I love you" "Have fun" "Need anything?"

Make sure she is hydrated, fed, and well rested beforehand!

Mistake #2: Focusing on Outcome

Talking about winning, scoring points/goals, beating the opponent, etc is all outcome-based.

This adds a ton of pressure to kids and causes unneeded anxiety and stress.

What to do instead: If you're going to say anything, make sure it's around what is in her control "play hard, trust your training."

Mistake #3: Not Having a Routine

Athletes use routines to help their body and mind feel prepared.

Having a routine with your daughter is a simple way to help her feel grounded and ready. This could be super simple - a text, a hug, etc. Just keep it consistent.
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Helpful Links:

Visit our podcast website for more on this episode
Download the free resources we've created for you
Join us inside our FREE Facebook Group - The Elite Competitor Society - for weekly Q&A, periodic trainings and challenges, and the support of an amazing community of moms, coaches, and the men who partner with us!

Join our FREE live training for sports parents: The Do's and Don'ts of Strengthening Your Athlete's Mental Game! -> REGISTER HERE

Simple Strategies to Help Your Daughter Come Back from Mistakes Feb 11, 2022

Show notes

Mistakes are part of every athlete's experience. It's the root of how they learn, improve, and get better.

However, they can be super tough to navigate! Especially because these mistakes are often happening on a large scale in front of people! Failing publicly (over and over) isn't something adults typically experience, yet it's part of an athlete's every day life.

And what separates average athletes from the confident, elite ones is the ability to come back from these mistakes quickly!

The faster an athlete can move on, the more likely she'll play better. The best athletes respond to mistakes, rather than react and let them spiral out of control.

Here are some strategies that athletes can be using, and how you can help as well!

#1: Utilize the breath

Athletes need to access the simplest tool they have with them always - their breath!

An intentional deep breath in through the nose and out through the mouth is one of the most powerful tools your athlete can use.

It's what we teach athletes to do in ECP. Their mindset routine has daily, intentional breath incorporated so that they have it with them when the mistakes happen. It's key that this is trained before the mistake!

#2: Have a Recovery Method

The best athletes have some intentional way to recover after a mistake. It's a routine or ritual that they can fall back on to help them.

It's important that athletes have practiced their recovery method before the mistake happens!

#3: Visualize a Response to Mistakes

Instead of avoiding tough situations, identify what it is and come up with a plan on how to get through it. Then, visualize that plan!

This will prepare the athlete ahead of time for the moment and increase the chances she'll get through the mistake faster.

#4 (For Parents): Normalize Mistakes

Be aware of your response, reaction, and language around mistakes and failures.

Ensure that your body language after she makes a mistake is positive.

When you're talking to her post-game, don't point out all the mistakes she's made. Many times, athletes are fearful of mistakes because they don't want to let their parents down.

Make sure she knows you love her regardless of what she does out there.

#5 (For Parents): Focus on the Process Over the Outcome

This goes for any outcome (positive or negative!)... focus on the process that lead to it.

Remember, mistakes are part of your athlete's experience. In fact, they are normal and expected. How she moves from them and becomes stronger after is a combination of your support and language around mistakes and providing her with the tools she needs for recovery!

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Helpful Links:

Join our Confidence Boost Text Membership to build your daughter's mental game
Download the free resources we've created for you
Join us inside our FREE Facebook Group - The Elite Competitor Society - for weekly Q&A, periodic trainings and challenges, and the support of an amazing community of moms, coaches, and the men who partner with us!

Join our FREE live training for sports parents: The Do's and Don'ts of Strengthening Your Athlete's Mental Game! -> REGISTER HERE

Self-Regulation for the Self-Critical Athlete w/ Sports Neuroscientist Julia Eyre Feb 08, 2022

Show notes

It's no secret that our athletes are more stressed than ever.

You already know the impacts that her academics, sport, relationships are having on your daughter.

Not to mention those of you that are navigating the college recruiting process!

It can be tough for the athlete, but also tough as a parent to know how to best support her as she manages the stress in her life.

That's exactly why I sat down with sports neuroscientist Julia Eyre, White Lion Performance Group, to talk all about stress, self-regulation, and the impact that stress has on the performance of athletes. She prioritizes healthy humans over everything.

In this episode, Julia and I talk about:

The differences between acute and chronic stress

One is needed and useful, and one is detrimental to the well-being of athletes.

Why self-critical athletes tend to suffer from long-term chronic stress

Self-critical athletes are typically the ones beating themselves up over mistakes, criticizing their performance, and over-training to reach their goals.

This can easily lead to situations where they are chronically stressed and always "on."

The impact that stress can have on outcomes

Julia dives into why chronic stress on athletes (physical, mental, emotional) is detrimental to an athlete's performance.

Why awareness around stress is crucial to the well-being of the athlete

An athlete's nervous system is essential to her success. Her well-being (in and out of her sport) is determined by her ability to navigate these stressors in a way that leads to longevity in her sport, relationships, and life.

The important role that parents play in helping athletes manage stress

As her mom, you play a key role in helping your athlete manager her stress.

What you say, the opportunities you provide her, and where you place your attention and focus all impact an athlete's capacity for stress and self-regulation.

Strategies that athletes can use to avoid burnout

Key strategies that athletes can use include taking intentional time off of their sport, having activities outside of their sport, and proper rest/recovery.

If your athlete leans towards being self-critical, anxious, or is experiencing stress in her life, you're going to want to take a listen to the informative and valuable information that Julia shares this week!

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Helpful Links:

Connect with Julia at: https://whitelionperformance.com
@whitelionperformance
Join our Confidence Boost Text Membership for more mental training for your athlete
Visit our podcast website for more on this episode
Download the free resources we've created for you
Join us inside our FREE Facebook Group - The Elite Competitor Society - for weekly Q&A, periodic trainings and challenges, and the support of an amazing community of moms, coaches, and the men who partner with us!

Join our FREE live training for sports parents: The Do's and Don'ts of Strengthening Your Athlete's Mental Game! -> REGISTER HERE

Mental Training...Your Most Important Investment This Year Feb 01, 2022

Show notes

When I think of the word "investment," I think of something that is going to give me a return for years and years to come.

I think of it as something that will leverage the most important parts of my life and who I want to become.

We can think of investment as:

Time
Money
Resources
Focus/energy

All with the assumption that we invest NOW in order to reap the benefits long-term.

Anything that matters to us is going to be an investment in some way.

Mental training is no different.

Yes, it's an investment of time, money, energy, and resources.

So is your daughter's sport!

And I'm here to tell you that the investment in training the mental side of her game is your most important investment this year.

Here's why:

You're Already Investing In Your Daughter's Sport

Ensure you're actually getting a return on what you're already investing in.

Your daughter needs three things to be great at her sport:

Knowledge of the sport
Physical Training
Mental training

We think of it like a multiplication problem. They all multiply each other and amplify one another.

However if one of them is at zero, the whole equation will be a zero.

Your daughter can have a lot of talent and put in the physical work. But if her mental game isn't there, she will never reach her potential.

Her Mindset Skills Follow Her Off the Court/Field

This is more than just her sport.

Yes, there are some "givens" when an athlete joins The Elite Competitor Program.

Her play improves.
She can come back from mistakes.
She'll take more risks, stop hesitating, and begin performing well under pressure.

But what's even more amazing are the off court/field "wins" that she'll experience. It's the increased confidence we see outside of the sport that truly inspires us!

The Person She Becomes Later is Being Shaped Right Now

It's like a seed that is being watered now in order to bloom later.

You'll never regret investing in your daughter's mindset, confidence, and the skills to navigate the ups and downs of her sport and life NOW.

One last question that I'd like you to consider is - what is the cost of your daughter staying exactly where she is right now?

There's a cost to everything:

The cost of change.

The cost of staying the same.

Because if you're going to consider the cost, don't only consider the cost of going for it, but what it'll cost you if you never do.

Remember, everything she needs is in her already. Give her the skills to pull it out and ensure her mental game is her greatest competitive advantage.

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Helpful Links:

Join The Elite Competitor Program
Download the free resources we've created for you
Join us inside our FREE Facebook Group - The Elite Competitor Society - for weekly Q&A, periodic trainings and challenges, and the support of an amazing community of moms, coaches, and the men who partner with us!

Join our FREE live training for sports parents: The Do's and Don'ts of Strengthening Your Athlete's Mental Game! -> REGISTER HERE