Raising Daughters

Latest Episodes:

Why Your Daughter Wants To Be A Phone Or A TV Set Nov 18, 2021

Show notes

Your daughter might want to be a phone or a TV set because that’s all you’re paying attention to. It’s time for that to end. Stop being a distracted parent and be more present! Show Notes:· Kids feel unimportant, not cared about, and unloved when they are around distracted parents.· Dr. Jordan relates why your daughter might want to be a TV set:§ They would have their family all around them warm and cozy and happy. They would take them seriously when they talk and really listen to them. They would be the center of attention and people would listen to them without interrupting. Their family would see them as interesting, funny, wise, knowledgeable, important, and irreplaceable. The family would immediately notice if they’re upset and not their best and care for them to get me back up and running. They want to be the person who brings the family together and makes everyone happy.· Here’s why your daughter might want to be a phone:§ Phones are always with parents, always noticed, and parents would take them everywhere; prefer to look at me vs play with siblings or talk to their friends; always checking up on me to be sure I am happy and charged up; they’d never leave home without me much less leave me alone; they would brag to their friends about all the things I can do; I’d be last thing they check on or think about each night and first thing they check on each morning; they’d always tell me they couldn’t live without me or don’t know how they ever lived without me; they’d love me more and more each year as I get more and more interesting and complicated.· To avoid your daughter wanting to become your TV or phone, here are some suggestions to help girls feel more loved:§ The whole family can agree to turn off devices when they eat, play games, travel in the car and be fully present with each other.§ Remember to do the little things: tuck ins each night, notice me without having to ask or create drama, ask my opinion, value what I have to say and who I am, value all parts of me just like the different channels; technology changes over time and so will I, so embrace all of my changes, spend uninterrupted time with me.§ Help me feel loved, noticed, special, understood, important, and valued.Contact Dr. Jordan: www.drtimjordan.comTo create more closeness around the dinner table or during car rides, check out Dr. Jordan’s Dinner Dialogue Cards for questions to gain deeper insight into kids and for them to learn more about you.
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Stop Blaming Instagram For Girl’s Body Image Issues Nov 11, 2021

Show notes

The perception of body image we have today was not developed overnight nor caused by our longer exposure to the digital word. Instead, it involved a long history of culture shifts, advertising approaches, and fashion trends to get us where we are now.
Girl’s dissatisfaction with their bodies didn’t start with Instagram and social media; the real culprit was bathroom mirrors and home scales.
Just like social media doesn’t start friendship drama but only amplifies it, the use of Instagram and other social media didn’t create girl’s body dissatisfaction but has escalated it.
The history of fat in our country: beginning in the 1800s, Dr. Jordan discusses the evolution in our thinking about women’s weight and body ideals.
Body dissatisfaction began long ago, long before TV & smart phones & social media: bathroom mirrors and scales, store bought clothes, HS, advertising, the fashion industry & changing styles, increased investment in products, medical data about the harmful effects of being overweight, the proliferation of dieting & dieting products, the fitness craze, acceptance of women’s sexuality and the subsequent need to be sexually attractive, the shifting cultural standards for how women were supposed to look, how they should judge themselves and others, and how they should eat; these have all created a moving target of standards, ideals, and expectations. Girls also have to maneuver through current challenges of exhibitionism, perfectionism, lookism, and consumerism.
Throughout history, girls have had to grapple with the influence of new information coming from movies, TV, magazines, music videos, YouTube, and social media.
Parents need to be sensitive about what they say about their bodies and other’s bodies, especially moms, as girls are constantly listening and watching. Research shows that parents who model body-positive behaviors, including a relaxed attitude about healthy eating and enjoyment of physical activity, are more likely to raise body-positive kids.
It is also protective to watch media like TV shows, movies, and social media content with your daughters and then have discussions to help educate girls to be more media and image savvy.
Contact Dr. Jordan: www.drtimjordan.com and drtim@drtimjordan.com
For more information about raising daughters to who are healthy, image savvy and happy, read Dr. Jordan’s book, Sleeping Beauties, Awakened Women: Guiding the Transformation of Adolescent Girl.
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How to Support Kids to Find Their Intrinsic Motivation and Passions Oct 21, 2021

Show notes

How important is it to support our kids' passions and motivations? Today, we’re talking about motivation, and how we can support our kids' passions and help them find their own internal intrinsic motivation for doing things they love, even when our children's interests are different from our own.
SHOW NOTES:
It is the parents’ job is to offer encouragement and resources to support their daughters to find their intrinsic motivation and passions.· Children find their passions and the motivation to pursue them in many different ways.· Dr. Jordan tells numerous fascinating stories about eminent people and how they found their purpose, calling, and motivation.· Most kids need to experience a range of experiences before they find their “thing.”· Some kids find their motivation by overcoming adversity.· Kids need someone in their corner who can help them become aware of their intrinsic motivation, who value their interests and passions, and who encourages them to go for it. Contact Dr. Jordan at www.drtimjordan.com or drtimjordanmedia@gmail.com. For more information about how to support kids in finding their passions and calling, read Dr. Jordan’s book, SHE LEADS: A Practical Guide for Raising Girls Who Advocate, Influence, and Lead.
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If You Want To Know How To Motivate Your Daughter, You’re Asking The Wrong Question Oct 14, 2021

Show notes

As parents, we naturally want the best for our daughters. But sometimes, the ways we motivate them can be stifling. Instead of motivating them, we end up limiting them. If you want to know how to motivate your daughter, then perhaps it is time we reflect back on ourselves and realize that maybe we are asking the wrong question. Dr. Tim Jordan enlightens us in this episode.
A better question is: How can I support my daughter’s intrinsic motivation? How can I help her discover her own internal motivation?
In many ways, the answer is to get out of her way.
Ask kids why they want the grades they desire, and why they love the activities they are into. When they share why they love what they are doing, mirror it back to help them internalize their intrinsic good feelings for their passions.
Bobbi Brown story: taken from, Wherever You Go Is Not Who You’ll Be by Frank Bruni
Mia Hamm’s story from The Right Words at the Right Time, by Marlo Thomas
Many kids do not find motivation with schoolwork/education until after HS or college when they can choose what they study & pursue, especially if they are strongminded, independent, and with an entrepreneurial spirit. Some kids will NOT be into school the way you want, no matter what parents do.
Value passion where you find it, and trust that the lessons they learn from such pursuits will be transferrable to other endeavors.
The stories of Jane Goodall and the Wright brothers illustrate the importance of encouraging and supporting your children’s dreams.
Contact Dr. Jordan at www.drtimjordan.com or drtimjordanmedia@gmail.com
For more information about how to support kids in finding their passions and calling, read Dr. Jordan’s book, She Leads: A Practical Guide for Raising Girls Who Advocate, Influence, and Lead.
Thank you for listening to my podcast. Please join our community on our social media platforms and share with yours to help us grow!

The Good, The Bad, And The Ugly About Being In Your 20s Oct 07, 2021

Show notes

Many individuals in their twenties perceive this period as a time for enjoyment, but this perspective is flawed. Meg Jay joins Dr. Tim Jordan to discuss the concept of identity capital and explores how those in their twenties can gain awareness of their self-discoveries during this phase of life. SHOW NOTES:· A lot of 20-somethings view 20s as a time for fun, but that is faulty thinking. 80% of life’s most defining moments take place by 35, earning power is decided in your first 10 years. Brain and personality change more during 20’s than at any other time before or after.· The 20s is a time of lots of choices and greater freedom, but 20-somethings may experience this as a two-edged sword as it creates confusion and anxiety and uncertainty.· Meg Jay describes what identity capital is and how 20-somethings can become aware of what they’ve learned about themselves up till now. Identity capital is personal assets, what we have to show for how we have spent our time, investments we make in ourselves, aptitudes, interests, passions, how we present ourselves, solve problems, cope with life’s ups and downs, hobbies, life experiences; how you resolved your identity crisis; it’s valuable to assess what your past life experiences say about you and your future.· We discussed the potential cost of being underemployed and being too focused on not wanting to settle.· Dating and relationships was also discussed: the choice of who you marry is more important for long term happiness than what college you go to; age 30 deadline, angst if still unmarried and feel behind and pressured to find someone; the importance of our self-perceived mate value: people spend more time planning a wedding than they do planning a relationship; should spend time and money on retreats, therapy, personal growth.· We discussed the critical shift from being wanted to wanting = what do you want and deserve?· The biologic clock is real as far as having children. You can use that urgency to help 20-somethings plan their futures instead of being anxious and stressed.· What is the effect of the frontal lobe not fully wired until sometime between 20-30? Opportunity for new connections that won’t happen again in our lives; never be so quick to learn new things; 20 somethings who use their brain by engaging in good jobs and real relationships are learning the language of adulthood right when brain primed to learn it.· 20-somethings can make a rough plan for your life over the next 10 years: love, work, education, money, travel, friends, family, health, habits, purpose.
Contact Meg Jay: The Defining Decade: Why 20-somethings Matter
Contact Dr. Jordan: www.drtimjordan.com
Another great read for your young adults is Dr. Jordan’s book, Letters from my Grandfather: Timeless Wisdom For a Life Worth Living.
Thank you for listening to my podcast. Please join our community on our social media platforms and share with yours to help us grow!

A 10 Is A 10 Is A 10: Understanding Girl's Emotional Roller Coaster Sep 15, 2021

Show notes

It’s important to listen to our daughters, especially their emotions. Today, Dr. Tim Jordan looks into a girl’s emotional life and shares stories from his retreats and camps of the different kinds of losses girls experience. SHOW NOTES:· Girls need safe spaces to express all of their feelings, especially during the roller coaster of emotions during the teen years· Dr. Jordan shares stories from his retreats and camps of the different kinds of losses girls experience· A 10 is a 10 is a 10 principal: a loss is a loss, the experience and details may differ, but the emotions don’t feel any less real = a 10 is a 10 is a 10, we can relate to each other even if our stories aren’t the same· A loss of a pet can create similar feelings to other seemingly more important losses; a pet is always there for you, can share stories and fears, and they listen without judgment; pets become a safe haven for girls· When kids come to you with their feelings, take them seriously, listen, mirror, get in their shoes and see from their point of view, affirm feelings, ask if they want feedback, help them see it in a different perspective, encourage them to journal, draw, etc. to express and make sense of emotions and loss; never belittle, minimize, judge them as being dramatic or too sensitive· Girls at camp realize they are not the only ones who have experienced what they have, they are not alone or crazy, peers can relate even if their stories are different· A 10 is a 10 is a 10; remember this principle so kids feel safe to share with you. Contact Dr. Jordan: www.drtimjordan.comEmail feedback to drtimjordanmedia@gmail.com If you would like more information on understanding and dealing with your daughter’s emotional life, check out Dr. Jordan’s online course, Parenting girls: The challenges girls face today with their feelings and friends and what they need.
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How To Teach Your Kids About Consent With Christy Keating Sep 02, 2021

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On a mission to help parents build a happier, healthier, more heartful world one kid at a time, Christy Keating joins us to dive into the topic of consent. As a Certified Parent Coach and Positive Discipline Educator, she shares insights on incorporating safety lessons into family conversations, implementing protective measures at home, and guiding children and teenagers in understanding the concept of consent—both in giving and receiving. Tune in to gain valuable perspectives from Christy on fostering a safer and more respectful environment within your family. SHOW NOTES:· Consent is not a one time talk at age 16. Most sex education should be relationship education starting in the preschool years. This includes teaching about respect, setting and respecting boundaries, and advocating for yourself.· Building solid relationships at home becomes the template for all future relationships and it allows kids to develop self-confidence and a belief that they deserve to take care of themselves.· Girls need to learn the difference between being assertive vs aggressive. This is best done with role playing at home.· We discuss the importance of teaching kids how to access and trust their intuition in order to take care of themselves. We also discuss how alcohol and drugs blunts your internal alarm system.· Christy discusses some of the legal aspects of consent that parents and kids should know.· We discussed how parents can handle and prevent sexting.· Discussions about boundaries and consent should be a continuous process throughout childhood. Don’t wait until they are ready to go off to college! Contact Christy Keating: https://www.theheartfulparent.com/consentListeners to this podcast are eligible for 2 free handouts about teaching kids about consent. Contact Dr. Jordan: www.drtimjordan.com
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Stop Micromanaging Your Child's Homework Aug 26, 2021

Show notes

Who are doing your child’s homework – your children or you? Parents become too involved in their children’s homework, robbing them of the chance to develop self-responsibility and self-motivation
Start of the school year is the perfect time to establish agreements about schoolwork and homeworkBegin by discussing what intentions she has for this school year, i.e. let her tell you what she wants to accomplish.
Learning: ask questions about what she enjoys, grades she desires, and especially why; ask her what her plan is to accomplish these goals; what did she learn last year during covid about how to study and stay on track?
Friendships: What does she want as far as her social life? deepen current friends? attract better ones? Have friends in different groups? What is her plan to achieve this?
Activities: why does she love the ones she does? Willing to try new ones?
Personal growth: Are there any ways she’d like to get out of her comfort zone and stretch herself? Take more risks? Try new things? Advocate more for herself? Not compare herself so much? Raise her hand in class more often? Show up as real self vs façade?
Autonomy: Ask why they want whatever they decide; they need more autonomy to develop become more self-motivation and self-responsibility
Autonomy = engagement = perseverance = fulfillment = they own results so it’s their touchdown dance
She may falter at 1st b/c not want to take responsibility and used to parents jumping in to fix and rescue; there may be a learning curve so be patient; if she feels stuck or falters, ask her, “What will you do?”
The time to turn over responsibility for their schoolwork is now! The costs of faltering are much lower the younger they are. Don’t wait until you drop them off at college to let go. Contact Dr. Jordan: www.drtimjordan.comFor comprehensive information about your daughter’s social and emotional life, check out Dr. Jordan’s online parenting course, Parenting girls: The challenges girls face today with their feelings and friends and what they need
Thank you for listening to my podcast. Please join our community on our social media platforms and share with yours to help us grow!

What’s Going On For Your Daughter As She Starts College? Aug 19, 2021

Show notes

Going to college is certainly an overwhelming and arduous undertaking – especially for young girls. If they are to excel not just in their studies but also in their personal growth, they need the right support and guidance in one of the biggest touchpoints of their lives.
3 young women who are about to begin college open up about the following issues:

Describe the mixed emotions you are going thru as you anticipate leaving for college.
Share your biggest fears about making friends, handling being away from home, ability to handle your school work, missing your support network, and picking their major and career path.
What are you most excited about?
Are you open to getting out of your comfort zone and redefining yourself? What might that look like?
When did you 1st start feeling pressure about college & picking major? From whom?
What boundaries do you need to set with parents and boyfriends, especially about staying in touch?
What self-care habits will you be sure to incorporate into your schedule? quiet space, exercise, nature, express feelings.

Contact Dr. Jordan: www.drtimjordan.com
If you want more information about your child’s emotional life, check out Dr. Jordan’s online course: Parenting girls: The challenges girls face today with their feelings and friends and what they needAlso have your daughter check out Dr. Jordan’s book written for young adults to help them figure out their calling: Letters from My Grandfather: Timeless Wisdom for a Life Worth Living
Thank you for listening to my podcast. Please join our community on our social media platforms and share with yours to help us grow!

How To Support Your Athlete’s Mental Health Aug 12, 2021

Show notes

HBO’s sports documentary, "Weight in Gold," delves into the hidden mental health challenges of athletes. In this episode, we discuss the impact of youth sports, overuse injuries, and the critical role parents play. Dr. Tim Jordan shares insights on fostering balance and supporting children's mental health, offering a compelling exploration of the unseen struggles in the pursuit of success. Join us as we navigate the intricate terrain of youth sports to empower both athletes and their families. SHOW NOTES: “Weight in Gold,” an HBO sports documentary. It delves into the debilitating depression, anxiety, suicidal ideations, and other mental health crises that can plague these athletes on their quests for gold, regardless of their level of acclaim. Intense training, hours, singular focus to the exclusion of other things like friendships, family time & vacations; fear of taking even 1 day off. I’m aware of the benefits of kids playing youth sports: teamwork, learning a skill, exercise for your body, win & lose, sportsmanship, see body for its function vs just appearance, make friends with similar interest, creates a tribe Overuse injuries have been rising: Sports specialization and not following the youth sport participation recommendations may increase the chance of overuse injuries; Female athletes more frequently specialize in a sport at earlier ages and sustain more injuries than males Whole life structured around their sport; when quit b/c of injury or graduate HS, not know how to structure their days on their own Must grieve this as a loss, a process, take time to journal what they learned about self, gained, life lessons they want to take with them, things they want to leave behind Knew their place by their ranking, their numbers and times, accolades from coaches and parents, now not sure how they are doing, sense of confidence and standing must come from withinDo things for YOUR reasons, what do you want and WHY? Body image: see selves as fat when really muscular; compare their muscular legs to toothpick friends; distorted body image. Stress from parents and coaches and recruiters and college prospects: MS & HS girls want to quit b/c they are burned out but afraid of disappointing parents, coaches, teammates. Value achievement over character; adds pressure, anxiety about measuring up and winning and pleasing adults, depression if fail. What can parents do? Balance: sports with music, arts, jobs, family time, alone down time, time to follow other interests Make sure kids are pursuing sport b/c of their reasons vs pleasing us or not disappointing us, “Why do you love soccer? Painting? Listen to them if express burnout, be heard and understood, let them choose activities and levels Need for breaks, family vacations, normal camps Choose coaches with good intentions Refuse to get caught up in the current rat race of college scholarship or bust, being the best, doing same sport year-round, focus on winning and being on the best club teams Parents need to set the tone, family intentions (TJ & hockey), OK to say no, derive benefits w/o the costs Be aware of your child’s mental health, look past medals to how they are feeling & coping (like grades after divorce) Have safe place/person to talk about their feelings, worries, fears; just talking about it is therapeutic and healing, they are not alone Contact Dr. Jordan: www.drtimjordan.com If you want more information about your child’s emotional life, check out Dr. Jordan’s online course: Parenting girls: The challenges girls face today with their feelings and friends and what they need
Thank you for listening to my podcast. Please join our community on our social media platforms and share with yours to help us grow!

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