Raising Daughters

Latest Episodes:

The Science of Dating and Love Feb 09, 2023

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Show Notes: Learn the evolutionary, brain, and hormonal reasons behind dating and falling in love Evolution: Romantic love evolved to enable you to focus your mating energy on just one individual at a time, and to reproduce and pass on your genes. Attachment evolved to get you to stick with this person at least long enough to raise a single child together. Learn the stages of courtship: attention-getting, recognition, grooming talk, touching, and body synchronicity Dr. Jordan describes the brain chemistry of falling in love, which underlies these stages of courting: romantic phase, attraction phase, attachment phase, and the honeymoon phase. Each phase is driven by different chemicals including testosterone, dopamine, norepinephrine, serotonin, and oxytocin. Learn how these chemicals create bonding, stress, euphoria, and seeking and craving feelings similar to addictions. Dr. Jordan also discusses what happens chemically when we go thru a breakup, and how that affects girl’s emotions and behaviors. Listen to this podcast with your daughter and help her become aware of why she acts and feels the way she does as far as dating and romantic partners. Girls in my retreats and camps love my discussions on this subject, because no one has ever helped them understand their intense feelings and drives; “It makes sense!” Talking about this will activate her prefrontal cortex to help her reason thru decisions about her relationship; it’s important not to make decisions strictly emotionally. Check out all of the resources provided by Dr. Jordan at his site, www.drtimjordan.com Happy Valentine’s Day!
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Is Your Daughter Ready For Social Media? Here’s How To Tell Feb 02, 2023

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Show Notes: In this podcast, learn the social readiness signs that would indicate your daughter is ready to try social media Learn how the teenage brain is more susceptible to addictions, risky behaviors, and the need to belong and fit in and be included by peers. Because of these vulnerabilities, Dr. Jordan lays out why teen girls are at risk for misusing social media and being negatively affected by it. In this podcast, learn about some of the most important social signs that would indicate your daughter is ready to try social media. These include: Staying disconnected from drama: Does she do a good job of staying out of drama? Not get sucked into friend’s squabbles? Not add to it? Does your daughter have a history of staying in balance and taking breaks from friends? Does she have friends in different groups she can hang with if one group becomes toxic? Handle conflicts directly and peacefully: Has she shown the courage and maturity to be able to confront friends, set boundaries, tell friends her needs and also listen to theirs to create win-win solutions? Does she understand the difference with being passive, aggressive, and assertive? Healthy friends: Mirror neurons in our brain causes individual choices to be powerfully shaped by what other people do, think, want, and what we think they want us to do. Girls are hard-wired to connect; being alone meant death starting back in dangerous, uncivilized times. Mirror neurons keep track of what other people are thinking, feeling, and doing. It can cause girls to constantly compare themselves to her peers or people in the media: Am I fitting in? Doing right thing? Doing anything that may get me thrown out? It's critical that she hangs with healthy friends because things like emotions and rule-breaking are contagious. Has she struggled to make or keep friends? Does she have a past history of being excluded or kicked out of her friend group? Experiences like that can cause your daughter to develop unhealthy decisions about herself: I’m not good enough, cool enough, pretty enough, I’m too annoying or awkward. These beliefs will make her vulnerable for not being herself, doing things and giving up parts of herself to fit in, having less courage to set boundaries, be at risk for being abused and used. Is she being bullied currently or in the past? No best friend or a group? This can make her more vulnerable to being a target without the protection of a group around her; does she have a history of victimization? Has she been a target? Listen to my recent podcast on cyberbullying published 1-12-23 Does she know how to be alone without being lonely? The crowd and social media distracts us from inward reflection; it’s easy for girls to become plugged in constantly and outwardly focused. The girl who constantly texts and checks Instagram hasn’t heard from herself in a long time. Devices and social media makes it hard to not be preoccupied with what’s going on out there vs. within you; when alone, your thoughts and feelings are oriented inward; it’s a slower and quieter experience. Has your daughter learned to cultivate, use, and enjoy quiet alone time? Summary: No middle school or high school girl is going to be perfect and always live out these qualities; they are a work in progress. Let her know what you will be looking for socially to let you know she’s mature enough to handle what social media will throw at her. She’ll earn the privilege to try social media once she has earned it. It’s important to practice these social skills at home: conflict resolution, setting boundaries, not allow teasing to hurt her, learning about how to enjoy and have quiet alone time.
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Parent and Love the Child You Have Jan 26, 2023

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Show Notes: Stop trying to change your daughter and accept her for who she is even if she is different than your family Girls often complain to me that their parents don’t see them, understand them, accept them for who they are, can’t relate to them, and are always trying to change them to fit the parent’s vision of them. I discussed the concept of the vulnerable child syndrome and ghosts in the nursery in a March 24, 2022 podcast, so go back with this link and listen to that to help you understand why you may have a hard time understanding and relating to your child. When I validate girls who aren’t seen by their families and help them to see that they are fine and don’t need to change, they experience a tremendous sense of relief and big smiles erupt as they finally feel seen and accepted. Dr. Jordan shares many stories of different ways girls from his counseling practice, retreats, and camps don’t fit in their family’s vision of who they are supposed to be. Some examples include: A dad too invested in his daughter becoming a top athlete Moms pushing daughters to be more outgoing because they judge them as being too shy and quiet Educated, intense parents having a hard time relating to an easygoing, free-spirited daughter Intense, goal-driven parents not understanding their easygoing kid who seems to not be very motivated, or haven’t discovered their passion or interests or purpose Sporty parents who have a hard time connecting with a daughter who is not competitive or aggressive and just wants to play sports to socialize and have fun Dr. Jordan suggests you watch these 2 movies with your kids to stir up conversation about this issue: October Sky, and Simon Birch Here is the Gibran quote Dr. Jordan read in the podcast: “Your children are not your children. They are sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself. They come through you but not from you. And though they are with you yet they belong not to you. You may give them your love but not your thoughts, For they have their own thoughts. You may house their bodies but not their souls, For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams. You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you. For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday. You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth. The archer sees the make upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far. Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness. For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He also loves the bow that is stable.” Stop trying to make your child quieter, louder, more outgoing, more interested in things their sibling and family likes and appreciate the unique and individual small person you’ve been given. Parent and love the child you have.
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How Youth Sports Are Negatively Affecting Our Daughters Jan 19, 2023

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Show Notes: Today’s hypercompetitive & hyperspecialized youth sports are causing girls to experience more overuse injuries, anxiety, stress, and burnout. Interview with author Linda Flanagan, author of Take Back the Game: How Money and Mania are Ruining Kids’ Sports — and Why It Matters The following are topics discussed in Dr. Jordan’s interview with author Linda Flanagan: How have youth sports changed in the past 30 years and why did it occur, especially as it pertains to girls? How have these changes affected girls? Why do girls need to overcome good girl conditioning when it comes to advocating for themselves with coaches and sports leagues? How can parents raise daughters to have a healthy outlook on sports? Why would it be valuable if kids in youth sports, high school, and college to have more women coaches? What is the value of taking breaks from sports and balancing athletics with non-sports activities? Why should kids always have obvious & conscious off-ramps and the ability to quit their sport? How could eliminating college sports cause a trickle-down effect to lessen the mania of today’s youth sports culture? For more information about Linda Flanagan, check out her website at www.lindaflanaganauthor.com Take back the game: how money and mania are ruining kid’s sports- and why it matters Visit Dr. Jordan’s website for information on all the resources he offers www.drtimjordan.com
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How Our Girls Can Stop Cyberbullying Jan 12, 2023

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Show Notes: Parents, schools, and girls themselves can learn to stop cyberbullying; here’s how. Nearly half of teens say they have been cyberbullied, and it’s most prevalent in adolescent girls. Bullying is unwanted, aggressive behavior that involves a real or perceived power imbalance. The behavior is repeated or has the potential to be repeated over time. The kinds of cyberbullying girls share about with me include: being pushed or blackmailed to send or resend nudes, someone turning a friend group or the whole class against someone, spreading false rumors that alienates someone, or being cancelled by someone who has an issue with them causing the girl to lose her friend group. Dr. Jordan discusses why some girls are targeted for cyberbullying including: passive, innocent girls who are sensitive and allow words to hurt; powerful girls who don’t go along with the queen bee, girls who hang out with the boys to stay out of drama creating jealous feelings from the other girls, girls who are different in their looks, interests, dress, ethnicity, family dynamics, LGBTQ kids, etc. Dr. Jordan offers some of the main reasons that girls may cyberbully their peers: as a way to feel powerful and in control; as a way to connect and have a sense of belonging in a group, due to the wiring of the teen brain especially mirror neurons, the effect of being online vs in-person; and because most girls start on phones and social media before they have the maturity and impulse control to handle it effectively Learn some of the signs of readiness socially, emotionally, their level of self-responsibility, and how well girls keep their power. Dr. Jordan discusses some of the awareness and tools girls need to handle and prevent cyberbullying. Parents will learn some things they can do to best prepare their daughters to handle drama and cyberbullying. Dr. Jordan also lays out things schools can do to give girls the skills to prevent it and to take charge of their learning environment. Some links for more info on this subject: survey about teens and social media Taking a bite out of online bullying: Dr. Jordan blog Social Emotional Learning: Dr. Jordan blog For more in-depth information on girls friendships and emotions, check out his online course, Parenting girls: The challenges girls face today with their feelings and friends and what they need
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Raising Amazing Daughters: A Primer for Dads Jan 05, 2023

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Show Notes: Dads have a unique role to play in raising confident, successful, amazing daughters. BENEFITS TO HAVING AN INVOLVED FATHER IN THE HOME Dr. Jordan discusses research about the benefits of having an involved father in the home: less likely to be poor, perform better in school, less likely to abuse alcohol, drugs, or to be sexually active as teenagers, and less mental health disorders like anxiety and depression UNIQUE WAYS THAT DADS INTERACT WITH DAUGHTERS Many ways that dads parent differently than moms are presented along with their benefits to girls including changing nursery rhyme verses, teasing and bantering, handling conflicts directly, being more directive with discipline, teaching problem-solving, rough and tumble play, staying detached when need be, making decisions based on what you feel to be right, and encouraging risk-taking and adventures. SPECIFIC WAYS DADS CAN PARENT GIRLS Dr. Jordan shares specific examples of ways to parent girls including being fully present, how to be a good listener, modeling relationships by how you treat them and their mom, respecting their boundaries and stopping when they say no, focusing on non-physical qualities, teaching them to be image and media savvy, showing them the difference between being aggressive vs. assertive, and connecting over her interests. Dr. Jordan discusses the value of sharing your stories about when you were her age so she knows you can relate and understand what she’s going thru. HOW YOU CAN BE AND REMAIN YOUR DAUGHTER'S HERO Finally, most little girls look up to their dad as their hero, but dad really can be her hero when he forms a truly loving and supportive relationship with his daughter. The bond between father and daughter can influence her self-esteem, future relationships, and career success. For some invaluable information about empowering girls to become confident leaders, read Dr. Jordan’s latest book, She Leads: A Practical Guide for Raising Girls Who Advocate, Influence, and Lead She Leads
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Slow Down, Unplug, and Stop Multitasking In 2023 Dec 29, 2022

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Show Notes: Set an intention for 2023 to slow down, stop multitasking, unplug, & learn to be alone without being lonely. Learn how slowing down does mean being less productive, quitting your job or retiring, or auctioning off your kids. You can learn to be busy without being hurried and stressed out. The culture conditions us to believe faster is better, hurrying is normal, speed means more efficiency as opposed to having focused concentration on 1 thing at a time and an unbroken flow of attention. The ultimate goal is not to slow down, it’s to live in freedom, free from distractions and hurrying and stress and pressure & cravings. Dr. Jordan describes the many ways kids today are being rushed to grow up with sports, academics, sexualization, as well as experiencing a decrease in down time. Learn the cost to us when we multitask and give everything our partial attention and why we’re not actually multitasking; rather, we are switching rapidly between different activities. Dr. Jordan also describes the effects of devices and social media in causing anxiety, stress, FOMO, and decreased empathy and connection. Learn the benefits of developing regular slowing down practices such as daily meditation time. Dr. Jordan explains some examples of how to meditate and to cultivate quiet time for solicitude, reflection, and learning to be alone without being lonely. You CAN have it all as long as you are in charge of what that means for you vs. comparing yourself to others, trying to measure up to unrealistic cultural standards & expectations, running your life by shoulds, or making choices based on fear of criticism or how you look or being judged. It’s your life, you set the pace, consciously make choices about your work, schedule, relationships, who you spend time with, allow time for self-care and meeting your needs too I quit pediatrics, my reading challenge, conscious choices about sports & activities to allow for more down time For some in-depth info on how to live a more mindful life, read Dr. Jordan’s book, Letters from My Grandfather: Timeless Wisdom for a Life Worth Living
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Inspiring Quotes to Launch 2022 Dec 28, 2022

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Show Notes: Covid fatigue: When we are in the eye of the storm and can’t find our way out, it is easy to lose hope and think the storm will last forever. But one day the sun will shine on you again, and the clouds will clear, and you will look around and realize you have been blown to an even better place. Sometimes, in the storm, there is a miracle waiting to be seen. Dani, look for the lessons & gifts from the pandemic vs focus on the negatives Some days there won’t be a song in your heart. Sing anyway. Emory Austin, take action to create energy, momentum, and movement Support kids in developing grit & confidence: Just remember: The people that say, “Your dreams are impossible” have already quit on theirs. Grant Cardone When someone tells me “No”, it doesn’t mean I can’t do it, it simply means I can’t do it with them. Karen Quinones Miller May you never be the reason why someone who loves to sing doesn’t, or why someone who dressed so uniquely now wears plain clothing, or why someone who always spoke so excitedly about their dreams is now silent about them, or someone gave up on a part of themselves because you were critical, nonappreciative, judgmental, or sarcastic about it. Mostafa Ibrahim; It’s curious that we spend more time congratulating people who have succeeded than encouraging people who have not. Neil Tyson, Support kid’s passions & dreams Mindfulness: Do not ask your children to strive for extraordinary lives. Such striving may seem admirable, but it is the way of foolishness. Help them instead to find the wonder and the marvel of an ordinary life. Show them the joy of tasting tomatoes, apples, and pears. Show them how to cry when pets and people die. Show them the infinite pleasure in the touch of a hand. And make the ordinary come alive for them. The extraordinary will take care of itself. William Martin Plenty of people miss their share of happiness, not because they never found it, but because they didn’t stop to enjoy it. William Feather Model and teach kids to be in the moment and to savor each moment Being of service: We can’t help everyone, but everyone can help someone. Ronald Reagan Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive. Howard Thurman We live in a world in which we need to share responsibility. It’s easy to say, “It’s not my child, not my community, not my world, not my problem.” Then there are those who see the need and respond. I consider those people my heroes. Fred Rogers; acknowledge heroes other than soldiers & first responders: teachers, activists, nurses, people who are of service to others, people who live life fully and don’t care what others think "It actually doesn't take much to be considered a difficult woman. That's why there are so many of us." Jane Goodall, honor powerful girls even if they have rough edges Final thoughts for parents who want to become and remain an influence in their daughter’s life now, throughout the teen years and beyond: My father gave me the greatest gift anyone could give another person—he believed in me. Jim Valvano My father didn’t tell me how to live; he lived and let me watch him do it. Clarence Kelland In the end, there doesn’t have to be anyone who understands you. There just needs to be someone who wants to. Robert Brault Happy new year to you all Contact Dr. Jordan: www.drtimjordan.com
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Two Heartwarming Stories About Tinsel and Love Dec 22, 2022

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Listen with your family to a story about the origin of tinsel and one about a father's love for his daughter. MERRY CHRISTMAS!
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The Real Keys to Happiness; It's Not What You Think Dec 15, 2022

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Show Notes: Happiness does not result from having more money, fame, or likes; it comes from living a life of purpose & service. Kids have been conditioned to believe that happiness results from externals such as being rich, famous & popular, winning the lottery. The culture tells them that more & faster is better, and that achievement is more important than character. We’re raising a generation of human doings who are insatiable and forever discontented. Dr. Jordan explains his thrill-hangover cycle that many adults and teens are stuck in, where they continue grabbing for unhealthy thrills to pull themselves out of feeling empty or unhappy, but then experiencing larger and larger emotional hangovers as a result. Learn how shifting your intention for doing things is a valuable way to become happier. Dr. Jordan explains using several stories about how selfless service may be the best way to happiness; set an intention this holiday season & for the new year to have your “arrows out”and experience the joy and fulfillment that comes with it. For more information about the resources Dr. Jordan provides, go to his website at www.drtimjordan.com Happy Holidays!
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