Quaid In Full

S07E10: Pandorum Jun 01, 2023

Author and critic Zack Handlen made the mistake of offering to return for Pandorum, 2009's "what if we stuck a bunch of grimy Jell-O to some warehouse walls and filmed a live-action 'Space Madness' meets Event Horizon" sci-fi. The movie starts out well -- good atmospherics; good partner chemistry between Quaid and Ben Foster -- but as Zack notes, most of the interesting stuff happened before the movie started. And after we find out the enemy isn't a giant snacky space arachnid, well, it's a tough sit. (How tough? We measured its length in, variously, feet of blanket knitted, Lego kits assembled, and online games of Risk played.) Surrounded by the detritus of the other, better properties Pandorum tried to rip off, we talked about confusing ship layouts, Virtuosity, which member of Roxette wrote Nadia's dialogue, Quaid's search for emotional truth, and why hypersleep pods in the future come with tooth-whitening strips. Oh, also what the hell "pandorum" actually is. It's the QIF season finale, so tell Scotty the PA to douse your cleavage in melted licorice and join us!

Overall score: 2.83
QQQ score: 6.17
Days since a lost Kuffs accident: 454
Don't Say A Word counter: 2

SHOW NOTES

Special Guest: Zack Handlen.

S07E09: G.I. Joe: The Rise Of Cobra May 25, 2023

Extra Hot Great's Dave Cole is back to help us list the many complaints prompted by 2009's dreadful and boring live-action take on G.I. Joe, including attempts to elevate an already-fine cartoon, suboptimal explosions and fight scenes, pointless origin stories, creepy side views of Quaid holograms, and the movie putting SDB in the position of defending Transformers 2. G.I. Joe lifts scenes almost wholesale from Star Wars, Apollo 13, and others, and it still sucks -- but is DQ perfectly cast, and not the third or fourth choice for once? Did Channing Tatum's character learn about marriage proposals from Galaxy Quest's historical documents? And could we identify the exact moment, in the middle of a line of dialogue, when Joseph Gordon-Levitt gave up and went full Vincent Price on The Brady Bunch? So many questions (and Winston Lights-infused line deliveries)...but knowing is half the battle in the latest Quaid In Full.

Overall score: 2
QQQ score: 6.5
Days since a lost Kuffs accident: 447
Don't Say A Word counter: 2

SHOW NOTES

Special Guest: David T. Cole.

S07E08: SpongeBob Squarepants S06E13, "Grandpappy The Pirate" May 18, 2023

Jeb had never seen a SpongeBob-isode before, and the good news is, he no longer has "incipient dread" about his child possibly enjoying it one day! The bad news...isn't really bad, or specific to this particular 12 minutes of SBSP content, because it involves the show not knowing whether it takes place underwater or on the surface, and Dennis Quaid's inconsistently accented Grandpappy is therefore obliged to fall for middle-school-theatre "set dressing" designed to convince him that Mr. Krabs is continuing the family pirate tradition. It's a hard one to gauge the Quaidosity of, but DQ's having a blast; arrrrr you ready for a pocket-sized episode of Quaid In Full?

Overall score: 6.5
QQQ score: 7.5
Days since a lost Kuffs accident: 440
Don't Say A Word counter: 2

SHOW NOTES

S07E07: Horsemen May 11, 2023

Horsemen seems to have gotten memory-holed immediately after the fest circuit (or...during production by much of the below-the-line talent?), and with good reason -- it's bafflingly poor, studded with visual clichés, its actors apparently undirected, its script evidently without access to a Bible despite basing its tortuously contrived serial-killer procedural plot on more than one book therein. It's got a grieving-family subplot that should have come to the foreground, and a couple of actors -- including Quaid! -- who could have carried that version of the movie, but the version we got is a disorganized Seven For Teens with a crumbly topping of dated kink-shaming. A lot of the cast is either straight-up wasted in this mess or doing more than they need to, but Quaid is actually not bad. "Come and see" (...sigh) what we mean in the latest episode of Quaid In Full.

Overall score: 1.5
QQQ score: 6.25
Days since a lost Kuffs accident: 433
Don't Say A Word counter: 2

SHOW NOTES

S07E06: The Express May 04, 2023

[NB: Due to file-corruption issues, this episode's sound isn't stellar; apologies for any inconvenience!] Critics were kindly disposed towards The Express, a well-meaning Ernie Davis bio-pic that seems to count on knee-jerk positive responses to 1) sports movies that 2) defy bigotry. It's done well, mostly, even though the dialogue really isn't how people speak to each other, mostly, and the traditional football-feelm structure wastes certain excellent actors while giving others more than they can handle -- so we're landing on "creditable, but not crucial." The Quaidosity is a more ambiguous prospect; after SDB regrettably uses the phrase "liminal space," we ponder the changing nature of the "qua" in "Quaid Qua Quaid," and DQ's transition from rakish pilot to avuncular coach/cop. Will Roy Williams-branded cliché containers, teratomae of movie rage, and the birth of a weird Brittany Murphy runner add up to a victory for our side?

Overall score: 5
QQQ score: 7.25
Days since a lost Kuffs accident: 426
Don't Say A Word counter: 1

SHOW NOTES

S07E05: Vantage Point Apr 27, 2023

[NB: Due to file-corruption issues, this episode's sound isn't stellar; apologies for any inconvenience!] For a third-choice star in a first-draft action movie, Dennis Quaid's quite good in 2008's Vantage Point, a fridge-magnet-poetry "thriller" script whose "what if In The Line Of Fire + 24 + Dave gave DQ the adrenaline trots" logline invited multiple weary comparisons to Rashomon in (uniformly negative) reviews. Despite dialogue some film student shook out of the Michael Bay Presents: Boggle cup, a Frogger algorithm used as a car chase, inconsistent blocking, an inert title, and Quaid adopting the wrong posture for a Secret Service agent, we did find a handful of things to enjoy, like William Hurt doing an imitation of that flappy dude outside the car wash while getting shot, and imagining Niles Crane listing budget rental-car models. The president is a clone, but there's a Quaid In Full episode to distract you, so: who cares!

Overall score: 4
QQQ score: 6.5
Days since a lost Kuffs accident: 419

SHOW NOTES

S07E04: Smart People Apr 21, 2023

Dennis Quaid fiiiinally nails the frumpy-prof part in 2008's Smart People -- but in the service of a first-draft story about damaged, pedantic, chafey people whose immaturities don't line up. One of those film-fest darlings you never hear about again until it shows up on one of the lesser Showtimes at 3:30 PM on a weekday, Smart People retreats from interesting ideas, keeps key decision-making scenes offscreen, expects us to believe a Revenge villain got a poem accepted to The New Yorker, and wastes good performances from Thomas Haden Church and Elliot Page...but at least wardrobe figured out they shouldn't make Quaid wear specs this time. The prosthetic-belly debate, the verbal fop dial, and another SDB rant about onscreen physicians not putting their hair up -- ring the bell, school's in on an all-new Quaid In Full.

Overall score: 5
QQQ score: 7.25
Days since a lost Kuffs accident: 412

SHOW NOTES

S07E03: Battle For Terra Apr 13, 2023

We understand why Dennis Quaid wanted to do 2007's Battle For Terra; it's unclear why BFT wanted him. The star-studded, labored comment on corruption and colonization -- you know, for kids! -- doesn't maximize Quaid's talents (or screentime), and while it's better than a lot of animated kiddie content, neither of us is planning to watch a bunch of retro-3D'd sperm with forehead jewelry fighting to survive again. Davey & Goliath exposition, broadly modular dialogue, how you get a G rating with a Mount Weather reference, cricket/manatee collabs, and the grudging admission that the big eyes worked, in the latest episode of QIF.

Overall score: 5.25
QQQ score: 1.5
Days since a lost Kuffs accident: 405

SHOW NOTES

S07E02: American Dreamz Apr 06, 2023

We're thrilled to welcome This Had Oscar Buzz co-host (and TWoP Idol co-recapper emeritus) Joe Reid to the podcast to dig into American Dreamz, a satire of both competitive singing shows AND mid-aughts American politics that does one thing quite a bit better than the other -- and puts all three of us in mind of better movies like Dr. Strangelove and Dick. Cheney slapstick, peak Chris Klein, when Hugh Grant's doing more than he should, the custody battle over the set's one Dick Casablancas wig, Quaid as figurative Ken doll, the return of positive Ebert, and great galoot work all figure in our discussion of a movie we didn't hate...but also barely remember watching. Grab a golden ticket and some freedom fries and cue up an all-new Quaid In Full!

Overall score: 6.17
QQQ score: 6.17
Days since a lost Kuffs accident: 398

SHOW NOTES

Special Guest: Joe Reid.

S07E01: Yours, Mine & Ours Mar 30, 2023

Welcome to the (really) long-awaited seventh season of Quaid In Full -- and to the chaotic, unrealistic, and utterly Nickelodeon Yours, Mine & Ours. Critics in week-before-Thanksgiving mode weren't terribly charitable to this 2005 remake of the Ball/Fonda original, but despite the first film's cultural anxieties not really translating to the 21st century; beleaguered stunt pets; Chekhov's sailboat; an utter lack of clean-up or food-logistics credibility; as many family-film tropes as bad child actors; and the horror of a child going to town on a pile of gummi worms like he's Clemenza in a Godfather restaurant scene, for what it is, it's fine. But is Dennis Quaid fine for what he's asked to do? Climb into a rowboat full of stuffies and read the depositions in the matter of Aggrieved Hamster v. Sherwin-Williams: it's an all-new Quaid In Full.

Overall score: 5
QQQ score: 8
Days since a lost Kuffs accident: 391

SHOW NOTES

S06E11: Flight Of The Phoenix Apr 07, 2022

You've seen 2004's Flight Of The Phoenix before -- not just the Jimmy Stewart verzh from the '60s, but every "ragtag group with various animosities bands together to beat insurmountable odds, with an assist from ILM CGI" flick before it. As NOT the best pilot we ever saw, Dennis Quaid's Frank Towns throws John Wayne, Barth from You Can't Do That On Television, and a crappish Bill Clinton imitation into a blender to assay a backstory-free brat to whom everyone from Dr. House to EMT Riley to Eowyn is looking for salvation. How long have they been out in the Gobi? How much water is left? Why are Chekhov's nomads wearing Converse? And why did the same single rock in the entire desert that killed Sam Winchester then save Dennis Quaid? A lot of questions, a lot of callbacks to Enemy Mine in the season finale of Quaid In Full.

Overall score: 4.5
QQQ score: 6
Days since a lost Kuffs accident: 35

SHOW NOTES

S06E10: In Good Company Mar 31, 2022

Or, How To Not Exactly Succeed In Corporate Satire While Actually REALLY Trying. We might have felt differently about In Good Company if we didn't live in the Republic of Bezos, in a timeline with Succession, but we do, we do, and a movie that tries to send up corporate machinations really needs to have an R rating to work with. Still, this gentle, dated, clueless-about-BFAs-and-NYU "Hallmark movie for boys" isn't unpleasant, and DQ is quite good in it despite being obliged to dribble a basketball AND deliver a Notwork speech during the big boss's TED talk. Past its sell-by date, but still safe: it's an all-new Quaid In Full.

Overall score: 5.5
QQQ score: 8
Days since a lost Kuffs accident: 28

SHOW NOTES

S06E09: The Day After Tomorrow Mar 24, 2022

Defector.com's David J. Roth returns to talk about The Day After Tomorrow, which was marketed as an Important Must-See back in 2004, and almost uniformly savaged by critics who seem not to have understood the point of AN ACTION MOVIE. But your commentators all quite enjoy it, despite all the Hollywood Sciencing, the lonesome death of a Law & Order-verse stalwart in a Paramus mall court, direwolf Colorforms, protagonists stopping to look at the special effect that's trying to kill them for a full ten count, and a baffling chapeau choice from our boy DQ. How many actors were asked before Quaid? What exactly happens to the English royal family? And could this movie make Dick Cheney's heart grow one size? Slip into a 78-lb. snowsuit and join us for an all-new Quaid In Full.

Overall score: 7.67
QQQ score: 7.17
Days since a lost Kuffs accident: 21

SHOW NOTES

Special Guest: David J. Roth.

S06E08: The Alamo Mar 17, 2022

Remember The Alamo (...sorry; we had to) -- 2004's "featureless sphere of re-consideration" of one of the country's most notorious battles starring Dennis Quaid as Sam Houston? If you do, our condolences, although despite a bloated runtime, racist music cues, a script that makes the dad from The Conjuring recycle cannonballs, and a misapprehension of what's actually still interesting about this chapter of history, we didn't end up with a super-low overall rating. DQ, however, doesn't seem to know how to play this particular C-plus person, and his reverting to Sling Blade voice in scenes with Billy Bob Thornton is a choice that doesn't work out for him. Slap on some $100 million sideburns, grab a copyright-compliant cutlass, and jump in a hole: it's an all-new Quaid In Full.

Overall score: 5.5
QQQ score: 3.25
Days since a lost Kuffs accident: 14

SHOW NOTES

S06E07: Freedom: A History Of US Mar 10, 2022

Semi-on-demand PBS educational series Freedom: A History Of US is nigh-on impossible to find, and based on the episode we did track down, "A War To End Slavery," that's mostly a good thing. Casting the Civil War in the broadest, blandest terms and narrated by Katie Couric as though she's reporting on these battle picnics live, Freedom Colon boasts an all-star cast, and (we suspect) a Koch-funded director who was not empowered to ask for second takes or kibosh ill-advised accent experiments. Not that it matters how badly the thing misapprehends what people liked about the Ken Burns documentary, because it only exists so that Mrs. Naughton can spend second period down the hall with her Merit 120s. And DQ as Robert E. Lee has one line, soooo this will NOT be on the midterm.

Overall score: 2.5
QQQ score: 3.25
Days since a lost Kuffs accident: 7

SHOW NOTES

S06E06: Cold Creek Manor Mar 03, 2022

Did anybody in this movie...see a movie? Today we're contemplating 2003's Cape Farm, aka Cold Creek Manor, aka 33 1/3 Short Sound Drops That Shouldn't Have Made SDB Laugh. A putative thriller in which Dorff On Golf somehow manages to haul a dead pony into a swimming pool, our "city slicker" hero tries to charm the psychotic locals with Brandy Alexanders, children have eyeteeth the size of quarters, and a cemetery is added to the kids' chore wheel, Cold Creek Manor is mostly bad -- but at least Dennis Quaid doesn't make it any worse, so while you're fleeing the godless city for Sling Blade-on-Hudson, cue up an all-new Quaid In Full.

Overall score: 3
QQQ score: 5.25
Days since a lost Kuffs accident: 0

SHOW NOTES

S06E05: Far From Heaven Feb 24, 2022

Welcome to MASTADQ: Mark And Sarah Talk About Dennis Quaid! Mark Blankenship slid into the guest chair (not a euphemism) to discuss Far From Heaven, the line between melodrama and tragedy, and how Todd Haynes's 2002 homage to Douglas Sirk and "women's pictures" lets the paintings that are Cathy and Frank Whitaker become real. Sarah revisits a ten-year-old review that wasn't fair to Quaid's performance; Jeb files his ratings from his score-poisoning sickbed (and unearths another DQ-blocking runner); and we all wonder how to rate a performance that won awards, but isn't very Quaidy. Take a break from sourcing the Whitakers' living-room furniture and listen to an all-new Quaid In Full.

Overall score: 7
QQQ score: 8.33
Days since a lost Kuffs accident: 112

SHOW NOTES

Special Guest: Mark Blankenship.

S06E04: The Rookie Feb 17, 2022

Liz Roscher of Yahoo! Sports and Kevin Goldstein of Fangraphs defied the MLB lockout to join us for The Rookie, an above-average baseball movie about Jim Morris's midlife journey to the majors that is therefore below average generally. How's Dennis Quaid's pitching form? How's his dad-cap form? Is the fictional Jim Morris a solid DILF but a bad high-school coach? Why didn't the nuns in the (interminable) first act go off in the third? And does the movie make the lede in the obit, or get crowded out by classics like Jaws 3D? Editing actors to look like athletes, a suicide-squeeze play only one panelist noticed ('cause she has to), and yet another guest who's "more of a Randy Quaid guy": it's an all-new Quaid In Full.

Overall score: 5.10
QQQ score: 7.88
Days since a lost Kuffs accident: 105

SHOW NOTES

Follow us on Twitter
Get EVEN MORE Qontent (...sorry) at our Patreon page
Kenneth Turan's review in the L.A. Times
Ebert's review
S02E10 on Jaws 3D
Liz Roscher on Yahoo! Sports and at Hittin' Season
Kevin Goldstein at Fangraphs and on the Chin Music podcast

Special Guests: Kevin Goldstein and Liz Roscher.

S06E03: Dinner With Friends Feb 10, 2022

We went into Dinner With Friends expecting a filmed TED Talk on the Rashomon of a disintegrating marriage; instead, we got the American Kennel Club metaphor wheel, disproportionate anger about balsamic vinegar, and a surprising argument in favor of casting Andie MacDowell -- AND Dennis Quaid, who turns in a pretty Quaidy performance either despite or because of Remy McSwain blocking. We had our issues with the 2001 TV movie (Quaid as a food writer who can't pronounce "pomodoro," for one; the dearth of car talk after a dinner-party meltdown, for another) and we didn't agree on Quaid's spectacles, but at the end of 94 minutes, the cumulative effect of stagey construction, Steve Winwood, and good-faith revelations was positive. Fix yourself a rum and tonic and pick a vegetable: it's the latest Quaid In Full.

Overall score: 7.25
QQQ score: 7.5
Days since a lost Kuffs accident: 98

SHOW NOTES

S06E02: Traffic Feb 03, 2022

Zack Handlen joins us for 2000's Soderbergh Oscar magnet Traffic, which at least one of your co-hosts forgot Dennis Quaid was even in, much less that he played a sleazy Mob-fixer lawyer whose wardrobe erodes really weirdly over the 2.5-hour runtime. Is Quaid miscast? Is this the last time we'll contend with Topher Grace on this podcast? Which plotline is the weakest here, and does Traffic suffer from breaking ground we've seen covered a thousand times since thanks TO Traffic? All these questions, plus '50s-pulp scaremongering, 17-year-old dickheads who read too much, who "invented" Mexico As Yellow, and making our peace with the word "propulsive." Crank us up to jam the bug: it's an all-new Quaid In Full.

Overall score: 8.5
QQQ score: 5
Days since a lost Kuffs accident: 91

SHOW NOTES

Special Guest: Zack Handlen.

S06E01: Frequency Jan 27, 2022

If YOU had a time desk, you too would invite Rolling Stone's chief TV critic, Alan Sepinwall, to burn messages into it about Frequency, the year-2000 time-travel/father-son therapy/serial-killer thriller that kicks off QIF's sixth season. Twenty minutes of clumsy exposition to lead off, "special" effects, Pissy Cop Wife tropes, Chekhov's Mets trivia, Qing Of Queens accentry, and repeated violations of the prime directive AND quantum physics...the movie has zero business working, and yet, we're putty in its hands. Find out why we think that is, and which Emmerich owes Alan five bucks, in the season premiere of Quaid In Full.

Overall score: 8.17
QQQ score: 6.5
Days since a lost Kuffs accident: 84

SHOW NOTES

Special Guest: Alan Sepinwall.

S05E09: Any Given Sunday Nov 24, 2021

Defector's David J. Roth pulls up a seat on the second footballiest day of the year as we talk about Oliver Stone's Any Given Sunday, a 157-minute "exploration of boundaries of filmmaking by peole who are permanently on LSD." Whether it's a #poppyfieldsmovie, why it looks so cheap, which Al Pacino(s) we get in this performance and what the F he's wearing, whose performance is most affecting (spoiler: LT's), what that smell is (spoiler: amyl nitrate), and much more in our discussion of a film that lists all the capital-I Issues with pro football, then chooses to run B-roll of lightning instead of engaging with them. Feast your ears on the fifth-season finale of Quaid In Full.

Overall score: 7.33
QQQ score: 7
Days since a lost Kuffs accident: 21

Breaks: "They Call It Pro Football" (1966); "The Autumn Wind" and "Round Up" by Sam Spence

SHOW NOTES

Follow us on Twitter
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Can YOU get past the first 27 seconds of The Dennissance?
Listen to Dave Roth on Extra Hot Great 381;
It's Christmastown;
and The Distraction
Roger Ebert's AGS review
Wesley Morris's in the SF Examiner
Mark And Sarah Talk About Songs Ep 073 on the noxious titular end-credits joint by Jamie Foxx

Special Guest: David J. Roth.

S05E08: Playing By Heart Nov 18, 2021

Short Cuts waterboarded with sno-cone syrup...Love Actually from factory-irregular parts...a catastrophically premature Magnolia...it's Playing By Heart, which is 40 minutes too long, coy about a meaningless end reveal, and contains very few believable situations or lines of dialogue. How desperate is Angelina Jolie to get a reaction from her wooden scene partner? Why is James Bond obliged to deliver Intercourse PA jokes that are beneath even SDB? Why in god's name didn't Quaid and Anthony Edwards swap roles? And will your co-hosts ever agree on whether Serious Ack-tor DQ has to poo...or can't poo? We're aligned on the poo levels of the film, at least; it's an all-new Quaid In Full.

Overall score: 3
QQQ score: 4.5
Days since a lost Kuffs accident: 14

SHOW NOTES

Follow us on Twitter
Get EVEN MORE Qontent (...sorry) at our Patreon page
Can YOU get past the first 27 seconds of The Dennissance?
Stephen Holden's review in NYT
G. Allen Johnson's in the SF Examiner
Joe Neumaier's for EW
Jonathan Bernstein's Pretty In Pink

S05E07: The Parent Trap Nov 11, 2021

We're moving into the DILF era for Quaid with 1998's The Parent Trap, which is too long, too loud, and too blithe about the Unsolved Mysteries segment that is this family's narrative...and yet its "welcome unreality" is charming, and so is Quaid. And so is our guest, Tara Ariano, who joined us for a discussion of everything from LiLo charisma wattage to Elaine Hendrix's score-settling hair to whether this is a poppy-fields movie. Turn your Hallmark brains on and welcome Dennis Quaid's teeth back to the podcast: it's an all-new Quaid In Full.

Overall score: 6
QQQ score: 7.66
Days since a lost Kuffs accident: 7

SHOW NOTES

Get EVEN MORE Qontent (...sorry) at our Patreon page
Can YOU get past the first 27 seconds of The Dennissance?
Tara Ariano did; she's a pro! Hear her on Again With This, Extra Hot Great, Listen To Sassy, and The Sweet Smell of Succession
Roger Ebert's review

Special Guest: Tara Ariano.

S05E06: Everything That Rises Nov 04, 2021

It's DQ's directorial debut, a TNT movie called Everything That Rises -- and while there's no discernible connection to Flannery O'Connor, the flick's surprisingly good. Okay, the transfer we watched was very bad, and the dialogue's laconic sarcasm was a little TOO uniform across characters, but between Harve Presnell; an unnecessary but amusing barroom brawl; and Quaid being too busy directing to overact, the thing won us over. It's Hallmark meets Cormac McCarthy, plus the debut of Ask A Horse Girl, so quit Loaf-ing and listen to an all-new Quaid In Full.

Overall score: 7.75
QQQ score: 7.5
Days since a lost Kuffs accident: 0

SHOW NOTES

Get EVEN MORE Qontent (...sorry), including Kuffs (...sorry again), at our Patreon page
Can YOU get past the first 27 seconds of The Dennissance?
Watch (or listen to) Everything That Rises for yourself
Ray Richmond's review for Variety

S05E05: Savior Oct 28, 2021

Our journey through the constipated-avenging-angel portion of DQ's c.v. continues with Savior, a harsh, weird, budge allegory of war and human connection set in the Balkans. Jeb adds to his collection of hall-of-fame Skarsgard quotes, Sarah doesn't know how sniping works, and a sociopath in a Luke Perry t-shirt trolls everyone, including the accent coach, in an all-new Quaid In Full.

Overall score: 7
QQQ score: 2.5
Days since a lost Kuffs accident: 14

SHOW NOTES

Get EVEN MORE Qontent (...sorry) at our Patreon page
Can YOU get past the first 27 seconds of The Dennissance?
Time Out's review
Stephen Holden's for NYT
Roger Ebert's review

S05E04: Switchback Oct 21, 2021

Time is a flat Quaid in our Switchback episode: this miscast, dour late-'90s bag of action clichés is allegedly a remake of a German film called Kidnapped, but we can't find any corroborating evidence of that...or of Quaid's essential Quaidiness, as his Special Agent Hoint LaGlower roams the country trying to find the son someone -- Danny Glover? Jordan Catalano? -- snatched in the opening flashback.
Fake map streets, Twitter fights, when you have to poo but you're on a call, useless car chases, broken ankles, and our other podcast, Tomatoes & Dicks on an all-new Quaid In Full.

Overall score: 3.75
QQQ score: 2.25
Days since a lost Kuffs accident: 7

SHOW NOTES

Get EVEN MORE Qontent (...sorry) at our Patreon page
Can YOU get past the first 27 seconds of The Dennissance?
What about Kidnapped -- any intel there?
What's left of that EW piece on the production
EW's actual review from Bruce Fretts
Stephen Holden's for NYT on Glover's too-niceness
Roger Ebert's review
T 'n' D

S05E03: Gang Related Oct 14, 2021

Kevin Smokler joins us for the third least Quaidy project QIF has covered to date: Gang Related. It's Tupac Shakur's last film, and he's very good, but it's also three or four different films patched together into a quilt of dropped threads and tone problems -- and it's NOT very good, despite an all-star cast, a couple of hilarious line readings, and a guy we'll call Nott William Winters. And as for Quaid, well, if you ever wondered what it might look like to throw Andy Dufresne's Shawshank testimony in a blender with Jason Priestley trying to cry? Here it is. Paul Blart, Rampart Suspect, the retiring-cop boat trope, Quaid's Fugitive, and why you should probably watch Stakeout instead in an all-new Quaid In Full.

Overall score: 4.67
QQQ score: 1.67
Days since a lost Kuffs accident: 0

SHOW NOTES

Get EVEN MORE Qontent (...sorry) at our Patreon page
Can YOU get past the first 27 seconds of The Dennissance?
Kevin Smokler's movie is actually good; find out more
Lawrence Van Gelder's review for NYT
Stephen Hunter's for WaPo

Special Guest: Kevin Smokler.

S05E02: Sesame Street Kids' Guide To Life: Telling The Truth Oct 07, 2021

For some reason, Dennis Quaid's PG-13 energy was deemed a good fit with the most famous kids' show of all time, which is how "Uncle Tommy From Da Bronx" ended up helping Telly learn about telling the truth and trusting your friends. After a review of the show's astronaut credibility from an actual child, we talked about Allan Sherman, Scully's cellphone, and whether Sarah's dad is a changeling. Don't scream "HELP" unless you really need it: it's an all-new Quaid In Full.

Overall score: 7
QQQ score: 2.5
Days since a lost Kuffs accident: 7

SHOW NOTES

Get EVEN MORE Qontent (...sorry) at our Patreon page
Can YOU get past the first 27 seconds of The Dennissance?
Watch "Uncle Tommy" for yourself

S05E01: DragonHeart Sep 30, 2021

Welcome back! Return with us now to those Dragonheart days of yesteryear, as Quaid, Connery, Dina Meyer, and two-bucks-a-pound wigs team up to challenge The Old Code at Medieval Times Bratislava. David T. Cole joins us to discuss bottle-rocket accentry, the Harrison Ford you can afford, giving yourself up to stupid shit, post-zipline trauma, and what happens when a little Quaid alien gets trapped inside the John Hurt that is the one true knight.

Overall score: 5.33
QQQ score: 8
Days since a lost Kuffs accident: 0

SHOW NOTES

Get EVEN MORE Qontent (...sorry) at our Patreon page
Can YOU get past the first 27 seconds of The Dennissance?
IMDb's DragonHeart plot keywords
Roger Ebert's review
Janet Maslin's for NYT
The Great American Pop Culture Quiz Show

Special Guest: David T. Cole.

S04E08: Something To Talk About Apr 08, 2021

Tara Ariano returns to send Season 4 of QIF out on an ice floe with Something To Talk About, 1995's marriage/family dramedy starring Julia Roberts; directed by Lasse Hallstrom (!); and written by Callie Khouri (!!). What is it about this "Hallmark movie, but with an associates degree" that lets it hold together despite what Tara called "a fundamental 'should this have happened? maybe not?' quality"? Good sister chemistry with Kyra Sedgwick and a couple of relatable town gossips triumph over zyde-faux, flagrant reshoot-wig fouls, and a BS excuse for infidelity; and WE triumph over the early-to-mid-nineties portion of Quaid's c.v. If you're the one person who would have appreciated SDB's in-and-out joke, high five; everyone else, grab a helmet: it's an all-new Quaid In Full.

Overall score: 6
QQQ score: 8

SHOW NOTES

Get EVEN MORE Qontent (...sorry) at our Patreon page
Can YOU get past the first 27 seconds of The Dennissance?
Roger Ebert's review
Mick LaSalle's for SFGate
The origins of the "dazzy" "joke"
Get more Tara Ariano at Again With This: Melrose Place, Extra Hot Great, and Listen To Sassy
Or follow T-Bone on Twitter

Special Guest: Tara Ariano.

S04E06: Wyatt Earp Mar 12, 2021

The good news is, Dennis Quaid is great in Wyatt Earp! The bad news is...the "in Wyatt Earp" part, as the film is interminable, perfused with beige Costnerian self-regard, and did we mention how long it is? It's long, which I guess is what happens when you cast literally half of SAG. Tom Sizemore, the poor man's Tom Sizemore, apparitions of fatherliness, and the endless wait for arrival at the corralworks factory all detract from a fascinating steampunk performance from Quaid in an all-new Quaid In Full.

Overall score: 2.5
QQQ score: 7.75

SHOW NOTES

Get EVEN MORE Qontent (...sorry) at our Patreon page
Can YOU get past the first 27 seconds of The Dennissance?
Roger Ebert's review
Rita Kempley's for WaPo
Walter Chaw's at Film Freak Central

S04E05: Flesh & Bone Feb 25, 2021

Is it in your blood? We're tackling 1993's Flesh & Bone, featuring Jimmy Caan shoulders; a hall-of-fame patented "look bored and smoke" performance from Gwynnie; armadillo fan fic; Sophoclean MFA-program writing prompts; Car Guy Sarah not being a car guy; the conflation of Johnnies Damon and Depp; and a successful iteration of Dennis Del Mar. Pack up your painted chickens -- it's an all-new Quaid In Full.

Overall score: 6.75
QQQ score: 6.25

SHOW NOTES

Get EVEN MORE Qontent (...sorry) at our Patreon page
Can YOU get past the first 27 seconds of The Dennissance?
Roger Ebert's review
Rita Kempley's for WaPo

S04E04: Undercover Blues Feb 18, 2021

Our second ep in a row with the I Don't Even Own A Television crew features JW Friedman -- and a much better, fizzier film all around, despite dragging us back to Nawlins and almost going full zydeco. This "nearly totally frictionless" caper is "a happier flavor of so-so" than we anticipated, but we still have questions, like whether the Coens are secret Quaidheads, if/how Herbert Ross directs his actors, what an Ocean's Two would look like, and why we're being punished with a combination of Vince McMahon hair, Reagan voice, and Trump smug smile on DQ. Get your best pleat euphemisms ready; it's an all-new Quaid In Full.

Overall score: 6.67
QQQ score: 7.33 (damn repeating decimals)

SHOW NOTES

Get EVEN MORE Qontent (...sorry) at our Patreon page
Can YOU get past the first 27 seconds of The Dennissance?
Friedman did! Barely. Enjoy his better edited pod with Chris Collision instead
Vincent Canby's review
Ty Burr for EW
Horwitz for WaPo

Special Guest: JW Friedman.

S04E03: Wilder Napalm Feb 11, 2021

Chris Collision of the I Don't Even Own A Television podcast is joining us for the misbegotten Wilder Napalm, the early Vince Gilligan joint that would have made a much better X-Files episode than it did a feature film. Arli$$ jokes, aggressive quirk, a Van Helsing comparison somehow, beefcake snarling at each other, Manic Pixie Dream Winger, and a lead who should have failed out of clown college all add up to a very nineties pyrokinetic love triangle with no figurative fireworks. Close up the Quik Foto; it's an all-new Quaid In Full.

Overall score: 4
QQQ score: 3.92 (don't ask)

SHOW NOTES

Get EVEN MORE Qontent (...sorry) at our Patreon page
Can YOU get past the first 27 seconds of The Dennissance?
...Us either. Try Chris's pod with JW Friedman instead
Janet Maslin's review
And Owen Gleiberman's for EW

Special Guest: Chris Collision.

S04E02: Postcards From The Edge Feb 04, 2021

Everybody is in 1990 Mike Nichols joint Postcards From The Edge -- and almost everybody's on our episode discussing it! Returning guest John Ramos and first-time longtime Tara Ariano join us to talk about forgotten addiction storylines, if it's possible to miscast Meryl Streep, the Gene Hackman podcast we all long for, acting-legend master classes, and character studies of yesteryear that would be TV shows today. Plus, ONE of us listened to The Dennissance...and another one of us feels pretty guilty that that occurred. Get ready for an endolphin rush in an all-new Quaid In Full.

Overall score: 8.5
QQQ score: 2

SHOW NOTES

Get EVEN MORE Qontent (...sorry) at our Patreon page
Can YOU get past the first 27 seconds of The Dennissance?
Tara did! Honor her sacrifice by listening to her legit-rad pod with Pam Ribon, Listen To Sassy
Get in the (bridge) mix with John
Roger Ebert's Postcards From The Edge review
And Desson Howe's review

Special Guests: John Ramos and Tara Ariano.

S04E01: Come See The Paradise Jan 28, 2021

It's a love story, a family story, AND a history that probably got sold on the strength of Dennis Quaid's involvement...even though he really shouldn't be Great White Savioring it up with the windows closed in the first place, but we do find a handful of things to like about 1991's Come See The Paradise . It's from the director of Birdy, Fame, and other fondly remembered properties; it's also miscast, oddly scored, and about 20 more minutes of reading The Japanese Internment Camps: An Explainer than we needed. So, we talked about Quaidspiracy theories, why DQ didn't play the Joker, and butt ratios instead.

Overall score: 5
QQQ score: 2

SHOW NOTES

Get EVEN MORE Qontent (...sorry) at our Patreon page
Can YOU get past the first 27 seconds of The Dennissance?
Roger Ebert's review
Rita Kempley's review

S03E08: Great Balls Of Fire! Dec 24, 2020

What can we say about this offensively misconceived slice of Jerry Lee Lewis's late-'50s life, one that casts his "relationship" (ugh) with his 13-year-old cousin (blerf) as a quirkumstance of romantical fate? Well, we can say cocaine was involved; we can wonder if the estate of Foghorn Leghorn sued Dennis Quaid's performance for copyright infringement; and we can admire Winona Ryder's performance as Myra Gale while thinking it makes the story immeasurably ickier. On a scale of one to Hasselhoff, we give DQ's effort a (NC-)17, but very little about this bowdlerization of Myra Gale's memoir works. Also, "Alec Baldwin as Jimmy Swaggart." MERRY CHRISTMAS, EVER'BUDDEH!

Overall score: 3
QQQ score: 3

SHOW NOTES

Get EVEN MORE Qontent (...sorry) at our Patreon page
Can YOU get past the first 27 seconds of The Dennissance?
Roger Ebert's review
Rita Kempley's review
William Poundstone explains how Copperfield disappeared the Statue of Liberty in Bigger Secrets

S03E07: Everybody's All-American Dec 17, 2020

Craig Calcaterra joins us this week for a very sports-movie-y sports movie: Everybody's All-American, a "one wedding and one long funeral" look at a college gridiron star's early peak and interminable fall that doesn't know which set of Quarterback Agonistes clichés it wants to use, and recycled Sophie's Choice's Stingo as Timothy Hutton's Cake, with merkinacious results. The three of us had a lot of questions -- why the hot cousin is A Thing in the Quaidverse, why the movie isn't about Jessica Lange's Babs and Carl Lumbly's Blue, and how Wayne Knight feels about that "Fraternity Pisser" credit, just for starters. At least Craig was a good sport about watching this dud, even

Overall score: 3
QQQ score: 3

SHOW NOTES

Get EVEN MORE Qontent (...sorry) at our Patreon page
Can YOU get past the first 27 seconds of The Dennissance?
Roger Ebert's review
Janet Maslin's review
John Cheever, "O Youth and Beauty!"

Special Guest: Craig Calcaterra.

S03E06: D.O.A. Dec 10, 2020

It's another thriller, but we aren't thrilled by 1988's D.O.A., featuring Dennis Quaid as a former wunderkind novelist turned tenured professor in a rut. No: really. Is that off-label casting why this confrontationally sweaty film doesn't work? Is it the lack of onscreen chemistry between Quaid and Jane Kaczmarek...AND Jane and Meg Ryan? Does a fetal Robert "T-Bag" Knepper need more to do? New Coke, Silk Stalkings, Wonder Boys, Binder & Binder, and the heartbreak of chronic zydeco all factor into our discussion of a "noir" in which noir wit doesn't factor...at all.

Overall score: 3.5
QQQ score: 3.5

SHOW NOTES

Get EVEN MORE Qontent (...sorry) at our Patreon page
Can YOU get past the first 27 seconds of The Dennissance?
THREE stars, Rog? idk
Desson Howe's WaPo review

S03E05: Suspect Dec 04, 2020

We're back! And we're joined by John Ramos, JD (Juris Dennisor) for our discussion of 1987 legal thriller Suspect -- a formative Quaid property for John and SDB (and Jeb's mom?) that's greater than the sum of some awkward parts, including a martini served in a parfait glass; Quaid's character hailing from Wisconsin; a Schoolhouse Rock episode on lobbying; weird bald-cap choices by John Mahoney; and a Southern firehose of charm. How do you talk to an angel...or make out with an expensive candle? The rules of procedure state that you'll have to listen to find out.

Overall score: 7
QQQ score: 8.33

SHOW NOTES

Get EVEN MORE Qontent (...sorry) at our Patreon page
Can YOU get past the first 27 seconds of The Dennissance?
Roger Ebert's review
Desson Howe's WaPo review

Special Guest: John Ramos.

S03E04: Innerspace Nov 12, 2020

Both your co-hosts saw Innerspace about a squillion times as kids; does it hold up? Is director Joe Dante secretly a master? Why wasn't the film marketed as a thriller for tweens and teens? Where do '80s movies' ideas about nightclubs come from? And will this 1987 film about a nanoscopic test pilot journeying through Martin Short to greater maturity bring you the highest Quaidosity rating yet? ...Before we answer these questions, we'll finally confront less than half a minute of The Dennissance, so tell the band from Overboard to play "Hail To The Squeef" and settle in for S03E04 of Quaid In Full.

Overall score: 8
QQQ score: 8.5

SHOW NOTES

Get EVEN MORE Qontent (...sorry) at our Patreon page
Can YOU get past the first 27 seconds of The Dennissance?
Roger Ebert's review
Janet Maslin's review
Hal Hinson's review

S03E03: The Big Easy Nov 05, 2020

The Big Easy: where dancing is a way of life, allegedly -- and so, alas, is Epcot-Cajun exposition, sexist condescension to "uptight" ladies, and an ambient horniness that doesn't quite translate here in 2020. But it's not all bad, because Ned Beatty wears a crawdad hat, Jim Garrison plays himself, and we did NOT get recreationally upset about a podcast not our own. You'll love this episode like a pig loves corn; listen now! ("Onh honh honh honh honnnnh."

Overall score: 2.25
QQQ score: 7.75

SHOW NOTES

Get EVEN MORE Qontent (...sorry) at our Patreon page
If we're not going to hear The Dennissance, one of y'all should
Vincent Canby, laboring under the impression that TBE was intended as a comedy
Roger Ebert, also trying to have A Positive Day
The Big Tee-Veasy

S03E02: Enemy Mine Oct 29, 2020

Well, there's one excellent performance in Enemy Mine -- but it's not Dennis Quaid's, and it's not the script's. This clumsy Dennis Of Arabia In Space joint with the ending of A New Hope stapled onto the back sees DQ "overmatched in almost every way": lots of traipsing, LOTS of goo, a turgid voiceover, and...space-funeral processing. Grab a lint-anemone wig and have a listen!

Overall score: 3.5
QQQ score: 2.5

SHOW NOTES

Get EVEN MORE Qontent (...sorry) at our Patreon page
If we're not going to hear The Dennissance, one of y'all should
Janet Maslin's review

S03E01: Dreamscape Oct 22, 2020

QIF returns for what is probably the ur-Quaidiest season in the line-up, and we kick off the mid-to-late-'80s portion of Dennis Quaid's c.v. with Dreamscape, featuring a roguish semi-retired clairvoyant's journey into political dream disinformation. ...Look, it was the Reagan era; nightmares looked different back then. But is this thriller actually thrilling? Or are we too easily distracted by Val Kilmer vehicles of the same era; the melancholy death of Norm; "well meaning" special effects; and saxophones posing as character traits? Slap some 'trodes on your forehead; it's Quaid In Full's season premiere.

Overall score: 6
QQQ score: 6

SHOW NOTES

If we're not going to hear The Dennissance, one of y'all should
TV Guide's review
The Times review
Get EVEN MORE Qontent (...sorry) at our Patreon page

S02E12: Bill On His Own Sep 10, 2020

Bill manipulated us pretty effectively back in Episode 7 of this season; how well did the sequel do? This superfluous -- and anticlimactically un-Quaidish -- follow-up relies a great deal on how much viewers enjoy mid-'80s Helen Hunt; the harmonica; the redemption of some guy named Doug; and investigating early inspirations for the This Is Us killer crockpot. Join us for hot zoning action as we wrap up QIF's second season.

Overall score: 4.5
QQQ score: 2

SHOW NOTES

Want to help defray the costs of the pod, like getting a print of that Baretta episode made? Throw a few bucks in the hat at QIF's GoFundMe page!
If we're not going to hear The Dennissance, one of y'all should
People's review
The Times review
"Giving Nat a little what-for"

S02E11: The Right Stuff Sep 03, 2020

The Right Stuff launches our scoring into the stratosphere along with the Mercury 7, and our conversation orbits our late grandfathers, poppy-fields movies, witty takedowns of bureaucracy, Mrs. Grissom agonistes, flaming wienies, when critics willfully miss the point, and actors playing non-actors who are bad at acting. This is the best and the Quaidiest film we've contemplated yet, so supply your own helmets and have a listen.

Overall score: 9
QQQ score: 9

SHOW NOTES

Want to help defray the costs of the pod, like getting a print of that Baretta episode made? Throw a few bucks in the hat at QIF's GoFundMe page!
If we're not going to hear The Dennissance, one of y'all should
Pauline Kael's review of The Right Stuff
Vanity Fair's oral history of TRS

S02E10: Jaws 3D Aug 27, 2020

Finally, one you've heard of! ...Unfortunately. 1983's third sequel to the classic Jaws features a mother/baby murder team, shark science a third-grader could debunk, dubious canoodling, the Texan-est Red Sox fan in film history, and 17 different arts-and-crafts dorsal fins, each shittier than the last. Why is Dennis Quaid hurling a golf-cart driver to the ground? Why are we talking about Celebration, FL? Should we have watched the movie with 3D glasses? Send a kid out for some SeaCorn(tm) and settle in for the latest Quaid In Full.

Overall score: 3
QQQ score: 4.75

SHOW NOTES

Want to help defray the costs of the pod, like getting a print of that Baretta episode made? Throw a few bucks in the hat at QIF's GoFundMe page!
If we're not going to hear The Dennissance, one of y'all should
All the crappy reviews of Jaws 3D in one place
Watch "the Zardoz of the sea" for yourselves

S02E09: Tough Enough Aug 20, 2020

No, not the Fabulous T-Birds song -- it's a 1983 cornpone Rocky featuring Dennis Quaid's cartoonishly bad boxing, not nearly enough Pam Grier, and the rare Warren Oates character we wanted to see more of. Why didn't we see the Battling Burger Chefs? Was the late Wilford Brimley even old enough to order a beer in this joint? Is this a Quaidy outing for our hero, or is that just gas? And why the hell did the studio dump this on the same weekend as Return Of The Jedi? Turn off that Manson Family Zoom reunion and find out.

Overall score: 4.5
QQQ score: 4.5

SHOW NOTES

Want to help defray the costs of the pod, like getting a print of that Baretta episode made? Throw a few bucks in the hat at QIF's GoFundMe page!
If we're not going to hear The Dennissance, one of y'all should
Watch Tough Enough for yourselves

S02E08: Johnny Belinda Aug 13, 2020

Peevish social-services pinko John-Boy Walton befriends a young Deaf woman in Ruraltania...but doesn't fall in love with her until she's home-invaded by her rapist, Dennis Quaid, whose biological clock gets his head blown off. This was a TV movie, you guys. We couldn't find any contemporary reviews of it; we kept calling it Hannah Montana and Johnny Dangerously; we have a lot of questions about WHEN the movie thinks it is...but we weren't bored! Shove your other commitments off a railroad trestle, kick back with an L.A. Beer, and have a listen.

Overall score: 6
QQQ score: 4.75

SHOW NOTES

Want to help defray the costs of the pod, like getting a print of that Baretta episode made? Throw a few bucks in the hat at QIF's GoFundMe page!
If we're not going to hear The Dennissance, one of y'all should
Watch Jackie Daytona -- er, Johnny Belinda for yourselves

S02E07: Bill Aug 07, 2020

The 1981 TV movie that netted Mickey Rooney an Emmy AND a Globe, Bill is a lot better than we expected: not too much Afterschool Special speechifying about mainstreaming (the movie), and not too much cringing (us). But it's not perfect -- character development occurs in an evening, and is denoted by The Shawl-Collar Sweater Of Adulthood -- and we struggled to rate the Quaidiferousness of a film that had Dennis Quaid in every scene, doing decent work...but miscast. Failing to listen to the Dennissance, grumbling about the cop-wife trope, and fantasy-costuming the Chippenquaids are just a few of the toupees we perched on this episode, so listen now.

Overall score: 6.25
QQQ score: 5

SHOW NOTES

Want to help defray the costs of the pod, like getting a print of that Baretta episode made? Throw a few bucks in the hat at QIF's GoFundMe page!
If we're not going to hear The Dennissance, one of y'all should
Bill and the sequel on DVD
The FB page for a documentary about the RL Bill Sackter

S02E06: Stripes Jul 31, 2020

Or, "Wait, What?" ...Dennis Quaid is allegedly in Stripes, for like three seconds, because at the time he was married to the main character's love interest, but we didn't see him, and we had a pretty hard time seeing why this was a foundational comedy-head go-to movie back in the day. Well, one of us did, because insufferable Bill Murray shtick was not adequately offset by sightings of breasts. Is this the oldest-looking 29 in film? Does John Larroquette bail out his scenes? Can we get a moratorium on jokes about sex with cows? Throw Sean Young's career in the back of a Miata and find out.

Overall score: 2.5
QQQ score: 0.05

SHOW NOTES

Want to help defray the costs of the pod, like getting a print of that Baretta episode made? Throw a few bucks in the hat at QIF's GoFundMe page!
Watch the Stripes extended cut
Ebert's review
Gary Arnold's for WaPo

S02E05: The Night The Lights Went Out In Georgia Jul 24, 2020

No, it doesn't really have anything to do with the song -- but there's a LOT of singing, and when Dennis Quaid's doing it, it's not half bad! When Kristy McNichol's doing it, it's...a LOT of singing! There's also a lot of feathered hair, inappropriate sibling interaction, and day-drinking in this interminable tale of a brother and sister trying (to varying degrees) to make it in country music with the dubious help of Luke Skywalker. Cameos by Barry Corbin, Errol Morris, Felipe Alou, Dennis Quaid's ass, and SDB's dog, who is also an ass. Sack out in the pickup bed and find out how Quaid-ish The Night The Lights Went Out In Georgia is!

Overall score: 2.5
QQQ score: 5.5

SHOW NOTES

Want to help defray the costs of the pod, like getting a print of that Baretta episode made? Throw a few bucks in the hat at QIF's GoFundMe page!
Brian Kerwin thinks the movie's good
TV Guide, correctly, does not

S02E04: Caveman Jul 17, 2020

Is Caveman as bad as you've heard? Well, aside from Shelley Long, and a bit of business with the world's first fried egg...yes. Yes, it is. Ringo Starr's prehistoric journey to love features the invention of fire, mildewy dinosaur costumes, "Thus Spake Faux-rathustra," and a light dusting of that heap o' cocaine from the pitch meeting. Dennis Quaid's energetically Cats approach to the blocking is admirable...but how Quaid-y is this?

Overall score: 1.75
QQQ score: 2.5

SHOW NOTES

Want to help defray the costs of the pod, like getting a print of that Baretta episode made? Throw a few bucks in the hat at QIF's GoFundMe page!
Watch Caveman for yourselves
Roger Ebert's review
Janet Maslin's review

S02E03: All Night Long Jul 10, 2020

Rewrites for Barbra Streisand + Gene Hackman and Dennis Quaid forming the hypotenuse of a father-son love triangle + weirdly loud shoes + DQ doing a Grape Ape imitation = All Night Long, a strangely static sex farce that somehow inspired us to compare it to Malick AND Pakula. It also led to a Buntsy rant on why KITT even has regular pursuit mode if Michael's never going to use it, but...what doesn't.

Overall score: 2.25
QQQ score: 3.5

SHOW NOTES

Want to help defray the costs of the pod, like getting a print of that Baretta episode made? Throw a few bucks in the hat at QIF's GoFundMe page!
Roger Ebert's review
Mitch at Video Vacuum understands our pain

S02E02: G.O.R.P. Jul 03, 2020

Declare your independence from competent directing with 1980's G.O.R.P, an interminable Wet Hot Animal House Meatballs farce that confused Jeb and angered Sarah. Can a movie with a fairly clever Dracula runner, Altman-esque montages, and Dennis Quaid's naked bum really be that bad? Sign our Justice For Sally Kellerman Characters petition and find out!

Overall score: 2
QQQ score: 2.5

SHOW NOTES

Want to help defray the costs of the pod, like getting a print of that Baretta episode made? Throw a few bucks in the hat at QIF's GoFundMe page!
G.O.R.P. on Amazon, God help you
The Creative Loafing review
Peter Howell, "Animal House: The Movie That Changed Comedy"

S02E01: The Long Riders Jun 26, 2020

QIF finally returns with a new co-host, Jeb Lund, and a look at The Long Riders, Walter Hill's 1980 take on 19th-century bandits the Cole-Younger gang -- most noteworthy for the stunt-casting of real-life sets of brothers as various related parties, including the Carradines, Keaches, Guests...and Quaids. How Quaidy is this property, even with a lingering top note of Randy? What's with casting James Remar as a cartoonish Native American -- and the leveraging of the-South-will-rise-again pathos for relatability? And will we listen to DQ's Dennissance podcast? Saddle up: it's Season 2 of Quaid In Full.

Overall score: 3
QQQ score: 2.75

SHOW NOTES

Want to help defray the costs of the pod, like getting a print of that Baretta episode made? Throw a few bucks in the hat at QIF's GoFundMe page!
_The Long Riders on Amazon
The Variety review
The TV Guide review

S01E09: Breaking Away Nov 08, 2019

QIF's first season comes to a close with the first truly Quaidy property on the man's c.v. -- 1979's Breaking Away, a minor classic I had trouble reviewing, because I've seen it so many times, it's like a family member. Old friends, new beginnings, the correct pronunciation of "REFUND?!", and the M and LVPs of Season 1 in an all-new Quaid In Full. Fill an ashtray with cat food and have a listen!

SHOW NOTES

Want to help defray the costs of the pod, like getting a print of that Baretta episode made? Throw a few bucks in the hat at QIF's GoFundMe page!
Breaking Away on Amazon
The IMDb plot summaries
Ebert's
Janet Maslin's review

S01E08: Amateur Night At The Dixie Bar And Grill Nov 01, 2019

It's another TV movie as we enter the homestretch of QIF's first season: Amateur Night At The Dixie Bar And Grill, a surprisingly watchable Nashville knockoff starring not just Dennis Quaid but Don Johnson, Pinky Tuscadero, Isaiah Edwards from Little House, and...Kyle Richards? Come for Tanya Tucker's debut, stay for the Quaid tunesmithery in Episode 8.

SHOW NOTES

Want to help defray the costs of the pod, like getting a print of that Baretta episode made? Throw a few bucks in the hat at QIF's GoFundMe page!
Watch Amateur Night
The movie's IMDb page
The Scopophilia review
The Schumacast does for Joel Schumacherwhat I do for Dennis Quaid
That time I talked about Don Johnson's vanity single on MASTAS

S01E07: Are You In The House Alone? Oct 25, 2019

A uninteresting and deeply problematic TV movie with a horror-movie shell and an Afterschool Special center, Are You In The House Alone? introduces me to the concept of the Un-Quaidy Valley -- and introduces the rest of the world to David Keith. Schoolyard doowop, a brawl in an art-supplies closet, a visit to the Oversight Committee on the occasion of Mr. Quaid's engagement, and more!

SHOW NOTES

Want to help defray the costs of the pod, like getting a print of that Baretta episode made? Throw a few bucks in the hat at QIF's GoFundMe page!
Watch Are You In The House Alone?
Reviews

S01E06: The Seniors Oct 18, 2019

Time Out London called it a "satire of sorts" -- but what exactly is college-sex-clinic proto-Risky Business romp The Seniors satirizing -- capitalism? women's lib? shaggin' wagons? What it's not doing is holding my interest very well, but if you'd like to consume a parade of naked breasts AND rockin' late-seventies boot style, this is the forgotten flick for you. I would tell you to grab a six-pack, but Dennis Quaid's got that covered, bless his heart.

Quality: 1.5
Quaidity: 4.5

SHOW NOTES

Want to help defray the costs of the pod, like getting a print of that Baretta episode made? Throw a few bucks in the hat at QIF's GoFundMe page!
Watch The Seniors
stunt_rock's review at The Betamax Rundown
Time Out's review
Keith Bailey's at The Unknown Movies

S01E05: Our Winning Season Oct 11, 2019

Quaid returns to period pieces in Our Winning Season, not that you'd necessarily know from the production. This failed attempt to combine a Porky's-esque sex farce with a high-school-sports roman a clef AND the blight of Vietnam isn't so much bad as airless and dull, and on top of that, it's both not very Quaidy and TOO Quaidy somehow. Tonal whiplash and fern-bar soundtrack cues: it's Episode 5!

SHOW NOTES

Want to help defray the costs of the pod, like getting a print of that Baretta episode made? Throw a few bucks in the hat at QIF's GoFundMe page!
Watch Our Winning Season (if you must)
TV Guide's review
Peter Hanson's review at the Every '70s Movie blog
Keith Bailey's at The Unknown Movies

S01E04: Baretta S04E04, "The Sky Is Falling" Oct 04, 2019

It's the most expensive, least worth-it Baretta episode in history: Season 4, Episode 4, "The Sky Is Falling," which stars Barry Miller as a beset teenage prostitute, Dennis Quaid as his pimp, and a lot of '70s ideas about who's considered a victim. Oh, and an uneven distribution of AAAAACKTING! that may shortchange Dennis Quaid. Television curator at the Paley Center David Bushman joins me to discuss bad '70s pacing, ideal casting for Quaid, whether such a dark role on episodic TV could have hurt Quaid's career, and more.

SHOW NOTES

Want to help defray the costs of the pod, like getting a print of that Baretta episode made? Throw a few bucks in the hat at QIF's GoFundMe page!
Watch the episode (or...don't) at the Paley Center
More on Tony-winner Barry Miller

Special Guest: David Bushman.

S01E03: September 30, 1955 Sep 27, 2019

I'm completing the DQ-early-roles 1970s-contemplate-the-1950s trilogy with September 30, 1955, an achingly adolescent meditation on how the death of James Dean allowed John Boy Walton to feel his own losses...or something. James Bridges's (The Paper Chase, Perfect) melodramatic tale of a tragic afternoon isn't entirely successful, but it does bring us a Breaking Away pre-union AND our first Dennis Quaid sex growl.

SHOW NOTES

Want to help defray the costs of the pod, like getting a print of that Baretta episode made? Throw a few bucks in the hat at QIF's GoFundMe page!
Watch September 30, 1955 on Amazon
Vincent Canby's review

S01E02: I Never Promised You A Rose Garden Sep 20, 2019

It's Dennis Quaid's first role...with actual lines! Still not a full wardrobe, though, as he's shirtless -- but how does a pitcher named Shark fit into 1976 mental-illness drama I Never Promised You A Rose Garden? An Apollo 13 reunion, Kenickie in beads, and much more in this slightly Quaidier second episode.

SHOW NOTES

Want to help defray the costs of the pod, like getting a print of that Baretta episode made? Throw a few bucks in the hat at QIF's GoFundMe page!
Rose Garden on Amazon
The movie summary on IMDb
Roger Ebert's full review

S01E01: Crazy Mama Sep 13, 2019

It's Dennis Quaid's first role: 1975's Crazy Mama, a Julie Corman/Jonathan Demme outlaw-action drive-in joint that's quite charming, thanks in part to 1) Ann Sothern and 2) Quaid not wearing drawers under his bellman rig. What's going on with this throuple Donny Most is in? Was that Bill Paxton? And most importantly, how Quaidy is it?

SHOW NOTES

Want to help defray the costs of the pod, like getting a print of that Baretta episode made? Throw a few bucks in the hat at QIF's GoFundMe page!
Crazy Mama on Amazon
The movie's Wikipedia page and IMDb plot summary
You Must Remember This
Leonard Maltin's review
Brooklyn Vegan on Concrete TV

Episode 0: Welcome to the Quaid In Full podcast! Aug 18, 2019

Quaid In Full: the podcast that ranks and reviews every single thing Mr. Dennis Quaid has ever done in front of a camera, in chronological order. Coming soon!

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