Pairadocs

Latest Episodes:

Apologizing Jul 06, 2020

Show notes

I'm so sorry its taken so long to get this episode out, BUT there were many reasons why it couldn't get done sooner…Listen, I said I was sorry. What do you want from me? You feel hurt that we have kept this life-changing podcast from you for this long? Well, I'm sorry you feel that way. To hurt you was not our intent, so really, you have to own your own feelings. Am I right? Ok, fine, drop it. This week the boys discuss how to make a real apology.

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Apologies are normal. If no one is apologizing, then there is a problem. Apologies are essential because sin exists.

Top 6 Dynamics of a True Apology

1. A true apology never says a "but"

2. A true apology keeps the focus on what you personally did wrong

3. A true apology doesn't try to find who started it

4. A true apology never apologizes to "shut up" the other person

5. A true apology makes apologizing "not enough" and makes an attempt to do more

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Dr. Jimmy Myers on Twitter: @docjimmymyers, Instagram: @jmyersfam, and Facebook: @docjimmymyers

Dr. Josh Myers on Twitter: @docjoshmyers, Instagram: @docjoshmyers, and Facebook: @docjoshmyers

Pairadocs Podcast on Twitter: @docspodcast, Instagram: @docspodcast, and Facebook: @docspodcast

How do give to the show: www.patreon.com/docspodcast

Billy Myers: www.therapywithbilly.com

The Timothy Center: www.timothycenter.com

What if They Don't Launch May 20, 2020

Show notes

Here's a parent's worst nightmare. You look upstairs one day and your 27 year old son is still living in the same bedroom in your house that he occupied since the 8th grade! Somewhere along the line, this young man…failed to launch. Listen in this week as the guys discuss this growing phenomenon.

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Helicopter parenting - hovering over your child to rescue whenever bad happens

Lawnmower parenting - clearing the path for your child so that nothing bad happens to them

Helicopter and lawnmower parenting cripples our children

Our kids an just "roll over" due to pressure/anxiety. Pressure from parents, school, friends, self, culture - can lead to kids that are anxious about adulthood and therefore just decide to give up.

Parenting is an 18 year process of deparenting.

When they are young we as parents are supervisors, when they're teenagers we are managers, and when they are adults we become consultants.

Grace ceases to be grace if it occurs too often, it then becomes an expectation

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If you have an adult child still in your home that is failing to launch:

1. Begin mourning the loss of your child and accept them as adults

2. Have a clear written agreement on A) responsibilities they have with them still being in your home, B) a defined date when they must leave, C) creating a list of skills they need prior to leaving and D) a list of ways you might assist them financially even after they are gone. NOTE: Any assistance once they're gone needs to have an end date as well.

3. Risk them failing once gone - failure is one of life's great teachers

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Dr. Jimmy Myers on Twitter: @docjimmymyers, Instagram: @jmyersfam, and Facebook: @docjimmymyers

Dr. Josh Myers on Twitter: @docjoshmyers, Instagram: @docjoshmyers, and Facebook: @docjoshmyers

Pairadocs Podcast on Twitter: @docspodcast, Instagram: @docspodcast, and Facebook: @docspodcast

How do give to the show: www.patreon.com/docspodcast

Billy Myers: www.therapywithbilly.com

The Timothy Center: www.timothycenter.com

Boundaries May 15, 2020

Show notes

The boys follow up with their co dependency talk from last week by discussing boundaries today. What are boundaries? How do you institute them? Won't that make matters worse? Listen in.

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Boundariless families are dysfunctional. These families are tired.

Lack of boundaries finds its way into most, if not all, relational problems we have.

We mistakenly believe that if we set a boundary, it is unloving.

10 Laws of Boundaries

1. Law of sowing and reaping - needs to be consequences to behavior

2. Law of responsibility - be responsible for self

3. Law of power - make a choice and enact power within relationship

4. Law if respect - respect other people's boundaries

5. Law of motivation - risk disappointing people

6. Law of evaluation - hurt feelings aren't harmful

7. Law of proactivity - setting boundaries early

8. Law of envy - learn to be satisfied with your life

9. Law of activity - can't be passive and have boundaries

10. Law of exposure - choose to matter and exist in relationship

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Dr. Jimmy Myers on Twitter: @docjimmymyers, Instagram: @jmyersfam, and Facebook: @docjimmymyers

Dr. Josh Myers on Twitter: @docjoshmyers, Instagram: @docjoshmyers, and Facebook: @docjoshmyers

Pairadocs Podcast on Twitter: @docspodcast, Instagram: @docspodcast, and Facebook: @docspodcast

How do give to the show: www.patreon.com/docspodcast

Billy Myers: www.therapywithbilly.com

The Timothy Center: www.timothycenter.com

Co-Dependency May 04, 2020

Show notes

What is co-dependency? We've all heard about, accused others of being it, but what exactly is it? I mean, we should depend on each other…right? "Lean on me, when you're not strong…" Hello?! But what is it, really? Listen in this week as the guys unpack the sometimes misunderstood topic of co-dependency, and see if you can recognize your relationship…uh, I mean recognized a "friend's" relationship.

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Enchiladas Y Mas Closed

Co dependency = when one person needs another person, and the other person needs to be needed.

It's a relationship addiction. A toxic dance.

Submissive co dependents - desperately desire loves from dominant dependents

Dominant co dependents - don't give love the other desires

We pass on co dependency to our children

Recognizing who you are in your marriage:

Submissives

1. Does your self worth hang on your partners approval?

2. Is it difficult to say no when your partner makes a demand?

3. Do you walk on egg shells around your partner?

4. Do you consistently worry about other's opinions of you?

5. Do you keep quiet to avoid arguments?

Dominants

1. Are you in a constant state of frustration with your partner?

2. Can you not let go of correcting your partner?

3. It is difficult for you to agree to disagree?

4. Do you have a strong need to be right?

5. When push comes to shove, you get your way.

SOLUTION

1. Boundaries (next week)

2. Don't avoid conflict; be a buffalo

3. Figure out wants vs needs. You want your spouse, you don't need him/her

4. It is not your place to correct your spouse

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Dr. Jimmy Myers on Twitter: @docjimmymyers, Instagram: @jmyersfam, and Facebook: @docjimmymyers

Dr. Josh Myers on Twitter: @docjoshmyers, Instagram: @docjoshmyers, and Facebook: @docjoshmyers

Pairadocs Podcast on Twitter: @docspodcast, Instagram: @docspodcast, and Facebook: @docspodcast

How do give to the show: www.patreon.com/docspodcast

Billy Myers: www.therapywithbilly.com

The Timothy Center: www.timothycenter.com

Accepting Spouse's Flaws Apr 13, 2020

Show notes

In our society today, we love us some tolerance! Vive la Difference! I always like to say, except when those differences we're "Viveing" are behaviors in our spouse that are driving us up the wall during this sheltering in place experience. How can we "let go and let God" sooth our relational differences while we're all boarded up inside our houses 24/7? Listen in this week as the guys discuss how to accept our spouse's faults…That's right. I said it, FAULTS! They're not differences, they are flaws in their character that if they loved me, they would change!! Or would they?

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Martial Wounds

1. Spouse Preferences - things that minimally impact your life

2. Infractions - things that moderately (and sometimes majorly) impact your life

3. Major Infractions - abuse, infidelity, etc

Scripturally, you only have justification for ending your marriage (or hardening your heart toward you spouse) for the MAJOR INFRACTIONS.

Marriage is about learning to get over things.

70% of all marital arguments are irreconcilable.

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So how do we learn to get over things?

Decide that it is not your job to change your spouse! There is a Holy Spirit and it is not me.

Get the log out of our own eye.

Conflict is never about the content, the conflict touches a "raw spot" / insecurity - so your reaction has more to do with you.

Can you agree to disagree?

Be more grateful for your spouse's good, more than you're mad at the bad.

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Dr. Jimmy Myers on Twitter: @docjimmymyers, Instagram: @jmyersfam, and Facebook: @docjimmymyers

Dr. Josh Myers on Twitter: @docjoshmyers, Instagram: @docjoshmyers, and Facebook: @docjoshmyers

Pairadocs Podcast on Twitter: @docspodcast, Instagram: @docspodcast, and Facebook: @docspodcast

How do give to the show: www.patreon.com/docspodcast

Billy Myers: www.therapywithbilly.com

The Timothy Center: www.timothycenter.com

When Storms Strike Apr 06, 2020

Show notes

What happens when things don't go as expected? When God doesn't make sense? When our worst fears are realized? What then? How do we respond? What's more, how do we lead our family/kids during such a time? Listen in this week as the guys discuss how to handle the storm when it hits.

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As parents, we set the emotional tone within the home.

When something bad happens, it's not simply about you, surviving. But as a parent, it is about modeling to our children how to handle storms.

We don't want to model fear.

Faith isn't faith until it is all you have.

How should we has a family handle storms? (Proverbs 3:5-6)

1. Trust in the Lord with all your heart. When storms happen, we must trust. Learning to trust God happens daily, before the storm happens.

2. Lean not on your own understandings. Life doesn't have to make sense. In fact, most often, life doesn't make sense. And just because we don't understand what God is doing, doesn't mean life is ending and the sky is falling. We shouldn't learn on our own understanding.

3. In all your ways, acknowledge God. Seek God and his kingdom first, and all things will be taken care of.

4. The payoff, if you do the first three things, God will direct your path. Then, no matter what happens, it is a no lose in that it will be ok.

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Dr. Jimmy Myers on Twitter: @docjimmymyers, Instagram: @jmyersfam, and Facebook: @docjimmymyers

Dr. Josh Myers on Twitter: @docjoshmyers, Instagram: @docjoshmyers, and Facebook: @docjoshmyers

Pairadocs Podcast on Twitter: @docspodcast, Instagram: @docspodcast, and Facebook: @docspodcast

How do give to the show: www.patreon.com/docspodcast

Billy Myers: www.therapywithbilly.com

The Timothy Center: www.timothycenter.com

COVID Couple Apr 02, 2020

Show notes

I know we discussed last week some ideas on how to cope with the entire family being at home due to the COVID, but what about working with, playing with, eating every meal with, parenting with, sitting and relaxing with, and every other activity you can think of with your spouse…every day, all day, with no breaks. Sounds fantastic right?! Or does it sound like you might need a case of Xanax airlifted to your location. So, what are some practical ideas for how to cope with sharing your every waking moment with your spouse without running screaming from your house because you decided it would be better to take your chances with the pandemic instead?

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1. Give each other space.

2. Empathize with your spouse; seeing through their eyes. Giving them patience and don't assume the worst in your spouse.

3. Keep structure within the marriage.

4. Have "other than spouse" adult time. Hangout with people via an online platform.

5. Have spiritual time together.

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Dr. Jimmy Myers on Twitter: @docjimmymyers, Instagram: @jmyersfam, and Facebook: @docjimmymyers

Dr. Josh Myers on Twitter: @docjoshmyers, Instagram: @docjoshmyers, and Facebook: @docjoshmyers

Pairadocs Podcast on Twitter: @docspodcast, Instagram: @docspodcast, and Facebook: @docspodcast

How do give to the show: www.patreon.com/docspodcast

Billy Myers: www.therapywithbilly.com

The Timothy Center: www.timothycenter.com

COVID-19 Mar 23, 2020

Show notes

Okay, the COVID…how do we NOT talk about this? We're all now working from home, schooling from home, going to church from home, and oh yea, performing all other human activity during every waking moment…from home. So how do we make it through? Other than monitoring Twitter all day? Listen in this week, as the guys discuss ways to cope with the COVID confinement. I mean, what else ya got to do?

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5 Things Your Family Can Do During COVID

1. Turn off the news

2. Get outside

3. Maintain family routine

4. Keep educating them

5. Don't do screens all day

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Dr. Jimmy Myers on Twitter: @docjimmymyers, Instagram: @jmyersfam, and Facebook: @docjimmymyers

Dr. Josh Myers on Twitter: @docjoshmyers, Instagram: @docjoshmyers, and Facebook: @docjoshmyers

Pairadocs Podcast on Twitter: @docspodcast, Instagram: @docspodcast, and Facebook: @docspodcast

How do give to the show: www.patreon.com/docspodcast

Billy Myers: www.therapywithbilly.com

The Timothy Center: www.timothycenter.com

Oppressive Christianity Mar 23, 2020

Show notes

So, you're talking with a friend about something other than the COVID, and your Christian faith comes up. The friend mentions that they have a huge problem with all of the evil that has been done in the name of God throughout history, and that most Christians today seem to be homophobes, xenophobes, transphobes, and, well, you get the picture. How do we respond? How do we teach our kids to respond? The boys are back this week to offer some very kind, sympathetic, non-abrasive, nor phobic-in-any-way, suggestions.

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Oppressive Christianity years ago was killing people; oppressive Christianity today is infringing on thoughts/beliefs.

Christian history does not substantiate an oppressive church history, but the exact opposite.

There isn't any defending terrible acts like the crusades, but you have to begin with questioning whether or not those folks were even Christians. Their actions contradict everything that Jesus said.

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Dr. Jimmy Myers on Twitter: @docjimmymyers, Instagram: @jmyersfam, and Facebook: @docjimmymyers

Dr. Josh Myers on Twitter: @docjoshmyers, Instagram: @docjoshmyers, and Facebook: @docjoshmyers

Pairadocs Podcast on Twitter: @docspodcast, Instagram: @docspodcast, and Facebook: @docspodcast

How do give to the show: www.patreon.com/docspodcast

Billy Myers: www.therapywithbilly.com

The Timothy Center: www.timothycenter.com

Family Rituals Mar 11, 2020

Show notes

You know what really sticks with you…other than a foot fungus? When it comes to our families, the answer is rituals or traditions. Things that are said and done consistently, frequently, that span over a long duration. Going to church and small group a couple of times a month is good, but there's a reason that only 32% of kids raised in evangelical homes stay believers as adults. This week the guys kick around the issue of family rituals, the glue that can help hold faiths and families together.

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Neuroplasticity

To build your child's faith neurobiologically, you must do faith consistently, frequently and over a long duration

Real Life Podcast

Jeff Bethke

Jess Bethke Daily Saying

"I am not what I do

I am not what I have

I am not what people say about me

I am the beloved of God

It is who I am

No one can take it from me

I don't have to worry

I don't have to hurry

I can trust my friend Jesus and share His love with the world"

Myers Family Prayer

I pray there's not a day you can remember not knowing Jesus.

That you understand your need for a Savior at an early age and experience the freedom that comes from giving your life to him.

I pray that praise would be in your heart and on your lips continually.

I pray that you would know who you are in light of the gospel. That you would have a Christ-centered confidence and Christ-centered worth.

I pray that you would hate sin and love holiness.

That you would know the power of the blood to defeat all the works of the one who came to kill, steal and destroy. That you develop relationships based on the drawing of the Holy Spirit.

I pray that you would love the word of God. That you would seek to understand it, hide it in your heart, and base your life on it.

I pray that you will love others well. That you would have a servant's heart and a desire for your life to be used for something greater than yourself.

**Josh was kidding when he said he's "naturally good at Pairadocs topics"; he has to constantly work toward achieving these things by God's grace.

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Dr. Jimmy Myers on Twitter: @docjimmymyers, Instagram: @jmyersfam, and Facebook: @docjimmymyers

Dr. Josh Myers on Twitter: @docjoshmyers, Instagram: @docjoshmyers, and Facebook: @docjoshmyers

Pairadocs Podcast on Twitter: @docspodcast, Instagram: @docspodcast, and Facebook: @docspodcast

How do give to the show: www.patreon.com/docspodcast

Billy Myers: www.therapywithbilly.com

The Timothy Center: www.timothycenter.com

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