On Purpose with Jay Shetty

Latest Episodes:

Nicole LePera: How to Break the Cycle of Trauma Bonds & Stop Toxic Relationship Habits Sep 09, 2024

Show notes

What are your emotional needs?

How do you communicate them clearly?

Today, Jay welcomes back Dr. Nicole LePera, a holistic psychologist, best-selling author, and founder of the SelfHealers Circle, a global community for self-healing. She is the author of the New York Times bestseller "How to Do the Work," and her latest book, "How to Be the Love You Seek," guides readers on breaking cycles, finding peace, and healing relationships. Dr. LePera is known for her approachable, transformative approach to mental wellness, empowering individuals to heal themselves and live authentically.

Nicole talks about how our earliest experiences shape our adult relationships. She explains the concept of trauma bonds—dysfunctional patterns that often stem from childhood but persist into adulthood, affecting how we connect with others. These bonds can feel familiar and even comforting, but they often prevent us from forming healthy, fulfilling relationships.

Jay and Nicole explore how awareness is the first step toward breaking these patterns. They emphasize the importance of understanding our subconscious beliefs and the roles we play in relationships, often unknowingly repeating cycles of pain and misunderstanding. She talks about the importance of staying present, learning to regulate our emotions, and building healthier habits that align with our true selves, and offers practical advice on how to navigate the complexities of love, whether it's setting boundaries with toxic family members or letting go of unrealistic expectations in romantic relationships.

In this interview, you'll learn:

How to recognize trauma bonds

How to break the cycle of reactivity

How to set healthy boundaries

How to cultivate self-awareness

How to develop emotional resilience

How to foster a growth mindset in relationships

Remember, every moment is an opportunity to choose differently, to show up for ourselves with kindness, and to build the relationships we truly deserve.

With Love and Gratitude,

Jay Shetty

What We Discuss:

00:00 Intro

03:44 You Create Change

06:58 Toxic Family Members

11:21 Change is Voluntary

14:33 Deep Rooted Emotions

18:35 Why We Struggle in Relationships

22:58 The Unmet Needs

27:27 We Project What We Think to Others

34:29 Familiarity with Chaos

38:18 Is It Genuine Love?

41:55 Panic Attack

48:54 Chronic Illness

53:54 Countering Beliefs

57:17 Physiological Shifts

01:01:11 What is a Trauma Bond?

01:04:25 Attraction Based on Familiarity

01:06:24 Inner Child Work

01:09:41 The Habit of Showing Up Authentically

Episode Resources:

Nicole LePera | Website

Nicole LePera | Instagram

Nicole LePera | Facebook

Nicole LePera | TikTok

Nicole LePera | YouTube

Nicole LePera | LinkedIn

How to Do the Work: Recognize Your Patterns, Heal from Your Past, and Create Your Self

How to Be the Love You Seek: Break Cycles, Find Peace, and Heal Your Relationships

Special thank you to Kajabi. Visit: https://kajabi.com/JayShetty

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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12 Hard Lessons I Learned In The Last 12 Months - Birthday Special Sep 06, 2024

Show notes

What lessons have you learned from your past 12 months?

How have your goals evolved over the past months?

Today, Jay reflects on the 12 key lessons he has learned over the past year. He begins by discussing the idea that the seeds we plant—our actions and intentions—manifest as either flowers or weeds, the importance of pursuing meaningful actions for personal fulfillment rather than external validation, and how to distinguish between setting goals and choosing growth, underscoring that genuine progress requires a commitment to personal development rather than simply aiming for outcomes.

The episode highlights the importance of protecting one's purpose from external distractions and maintaining a clear focus on one's path, the challenges we face as opportunities to grow into who we're meant to be, and the concept of defining experiences proactively to shape our own narratives rather than letting circumstances dictate our identities.

In this episode, you'll learn:

How to handle envy with love

How to act for fulfillment, not praise

How to focus on growth, not just goals

How to guard your purpose from distractions

How to use challenges to evolve

How to stay open to unexpected help

Stay open to the unexpected, protect your passions, and choose growth over comfort. By doing so, you not only transform your own life but also inspire those around you to do the same.

With Love and Gratitude,

Jay Shetty

What We Discuss:

00:00 Intro

02:29 Lessons Learned in the Past 12 Months

03:50 #1: The seeds you planted in the past will grow into flowers or weeds today.

07:08 #2: Envy will erode your life.

10:27 #3: People forget things quickly, do the right thing and what's meaningful to you.

13:06 #4: Everyone sets goals, not everyone chooses growth.

15:00 #5: Don't let anyone deter you from your purpose.

16:45 #6: Your challenge is designed for you to become who you're meant to become.

18:37 #7: You'll let things define you if you don't define them first.

19:35 #8: Help can come from unlikely sources in unlikely ways.

21:34 #9: Try to see things as an invitation, not an impediment.

24:07 #10: Sometimes to get to your dreams, you have to take the stairs, the elevator, or come through the roof.

25:17 #11: The people you leave behind will feel left behind no matter what you do.

26:35 #12 Love is not enough.

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Nicky Jam: How to Forgive Yourself From the Past & Free Yourself From Shame and Trauma Sep 02, 2024

Show notes

Are you struggling to overcome your past trauma?

Are you looking for ways to heal from it?

Today, Jay sits down with renowned reggaeton artist and songwriter Nicky Jam. Nicky's music career took off after a series of successful mixtapes and collaborations with other artists, including Daddy Yankee, with whom he formed the iconic duo Los Cangris. His work has earned him international fame and multiple awards, establishing him as a major influence in the reggaeton and Latin trap genres.

Nicky recounts his first foray into music, packing groceries and freestyling at a supermarket, which inadvertently launched his career despite his young age and the informal nature of his work. He opens up about the difficulties of his upbringing, including his mother’s struggle with substance abuse and prostitution, shaping his understanding of normalcy and family life. This background set the stage for his initial break into the music industry, where early rejections and setbacks paved the way for his eventual success in the Puerto Rican mixtape scene and beyond.

Together with Jay, Nicky also discusses the challenges of maintaining authenticity and personal happiness amidst fame, expressing discomfort with being seen as a role model and emphasizing the importance of understanding and support for mental health, especially for men in the public eye. Despite ongoing struggles with PTSD, anxiety, and the scars of his traumatic past, Nicky remains hopeful and driven, looking forward to continuing his career and making a positive impact through his work and personal experiences.

In this interview, you'll learn:

How to handle early setbacks

How to deal with the pressure of expectations

How to use personal struggles as a source of strength

How to maintain creativity under pressure

How to find redemption through new opportunities

How to help others through your work

Nicky's story demonstrates that with unwavering determination and a genuine approach, it's possible to transform challenging beginnings into legacies of success and enduring influence.

With Love and Gratitude,

Jay Shetty

What We Discuss:

00:00 Intro

03:12 Earliest Childhood Memory

04:06 First Deal

06:44 I Was Happy with the Album

08:15 Life on the Streets

12:06 There’s a Different World Out There

15:22 Looking for Billy

17:20 Simpler or Complicated Life?

19:05 Commands Don’t Work on Me

24:58 Battling Alcohol Addiction

31:06 Drug and Alcohol Problem

34:20 Finding Help

36:40 Feeling Alone

39:18 Almost Dying

42:52 Prison Life

45:59 Moving to Columbia

52:00 My Mom is Different

54:48 Do You Pray a Lot?

58:01 Reconciliation

59:49 Forgiveness

01:05:31 I’m not Retiring

01:09:24 My Album is My Story

01:10:11 Some Misunderstanding People Have

01:12:37 Surgery and Recovery

01:13:46 Talking is Therapy

01:15:12 Nicky on Fast Five

Episode Resources:

Nicky Jam | Website

Nicky Jam | Instagram

Nicky Jam | Facebook

Nicky Jam | TikTok

Nicky Jam | YouTube

Dubbed by ElevenLabs and this link: https://elevenlabs.io/jay_shetty

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10 Proven Strategies to Boost Productivity & Create a Clear Plan for Achieving Your Goals Aug 30, 2024

Show notes

Do you feel unproductive?

How can you boost your daily productivity?

Today, Jay talks about how to become productive without feeling burned out. In a world where productivity often leads to burnout, Jay offers practical and transformative strategies to help you achieve more while reducing stress. Whether you're feeling overwhelmed by an endless to-do list or struggling to manage your time effectively, this episode provides the tools you need to reclaim your focus and energy.

Jay shares the importance of creating a workspace that fuels productivity and how subtle changes, like scent and sound, can enhance your environment. He also highlights the significance of workplace trust and how identifying whether an issue is people- or system-related can save you time and energy. He wraps up with insights on "monk mode," a method to achieve deep focus in the midst of distractions, and encourages listeners to experiment with these principles to find what works best for them..

In this episode, you'll learn:

How to focus on one task at a time for better productivity

How to identify key drivers of success

How to lean into your momentum for maximum output

How to use a 'to start' list instead of a to-do list

Tune in to discover how to be productive without compromising your well-being, and walk away with actionable tips that you can implement immediately.

With Love and Gratitude,

Jay Shetty

What We Discuss:

00:00 Intro

02:29 Burnt Out Already?

04:03 Tip #1: Doing One Thing at a Time

10:10 Tip #2: Clean Your External Space

12:40 Tip #3: Create a To-Start-List

14:17 Tip #4: Give Yourself Positive Validation of Task Completion

18:51 Tip #5: No Email Until 10AM

19:47 Tip #6: Goal of the Day, Goal of the Week

22:03 Tip #7: Know When is Your Most Productive Time

23:41 Tip #8: Create a Space of Workplace Trust

26:21 Tip #9: Focus on What’s Causing Success or Failure

27:42 Tip #10: Lock Into Your Task

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Chris Voss: #1 Secret Formula FBI Negotiators Use To Always Get What They Want & 4 Ways to Apply These Tactics to Your Life Aug 26, 2024

Show notes

What's a simple negotiation trick you can try today?

How can you get better at persuading others?

Today, Jay welcomes former FBI lead international kidnapping negotiator and author of "Never Split the Difference", Chris Voss. He is renowned for his innovative negotiation strategies that emphasize empathy, emotional intelligence, and tactical communication. After retiring from the FBI, Voss founded The Black Swan Group, a negotiation, training, coaching, and consulting organization that teaches people how to achieve better outcomes in high-stakes conversations.

Chris discusses his journey from being on a SWAT team to becoming a lead FBI negotiator. He shares that his career path changed after a knee injury and his growing interest in crisis response led him to hostage negotiation where he found the work more satisfying than his previous roles, emphasizing the importance of decisive action in crises.

Chris and Jay discuss how human beings are naturally wired to be negative as a survival mechanism, which impacts negotiations. He reframes negotiation as a collaborative process rather than a confrontational one and suggests that effective negotiation often goes unnoticed because it looks like seamless collaboration. They also talk about gender dynamics in negotiation, with Voss providing advice on how women can better negotiate in environments where they might be undervalued.

In this interview, you'll learn:

How to calm tense talks

How to negotiate with narcissists

How to disarm aggression

How to foster collaboration

How to build rapport

In any situation, effective negotiation is not about winning at all costs but about creating a shared path forward that benefits everyone involved.

With Love and Gratitude,

Jay Shetty

What We Discuss:

00:00 Intro

01:23 Becoming a Lead Negotiator

04:08 Suicide Hotline Conversations

08:03 Labeling the Negative Emotions

09:35 Negotiation Isn’t a Form of Conflict

14:59 How to Get Someone to Collaborate with You?

21:15 How Do You Slow Down?

25:10 How Do You Prepare for a Negotiation?

29:54 Biggest Negotiation Mistakes

31:42 Always Look for the Patterns

40:20 Used and Taken Advantage Of

44:21 The Illusion of Control

46:17 What’s Your Intention?

48:37 How to Negotiate a Better Salary?

50:49 Reward Strategy in the Workplace

53:33 Negotiating Unfulfilled Salary Raise

58:57 How Can Women Negotiate Better?

01:00:57 Negotiations That Don’t End with a Deal

01:05:03 Work with the ELFs

01:11:05 Polite Boundary Setting

01:16:29 How to Not Be Emotional When Negotiating

01:22:08 Are You in the Right Relationship?

01:25:55 Respecting Other People’s Values

01:30:52 Tactical Empathy Documentary

01:34:01 Chris on Final Five

Episode Resources:

Chris Voss | Website

Chris Voss | Instagram

Chris Voss | LinkedIn

Never Split the Difference: Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It

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They Weren't The One For You and That's Ok (8 Steps to Breakthrough Heartbreak) Aug 23, 2024

Show notes

How did you realize they weren't the one for you?

How did you cope with the heartbreak?

Today shares a detailed exploration of the emotional journey involved in recognizing and accepting that someone you once believed was "the one" for you, wasn't actually the right person. Often, it’s common for people to convince themselves that someone is the perfect partner, even before that person has committed or shown signs of being a suitable match. This can lead to heartbreak when the relationship fails, but it’s okay because the person wasn't truly right for them either.

Jay also discusses the importance of understanding whether the person was truly healed from past wounds or whether they were presenting a version of themselves that wasn’t authentic. Consider the idea that sometimes people stay in relationships out of fear of being alone rather than genuine love or connection. And if a partner is unable or unwilling to engage in meaningful conversations, they might not be the right person.

In this episode you'll learn:

How to recognize when someone isn't right for you

How to focus on your partner's reality, not ideals

How to prioritize meaningful conversations

How to stay self-aware after a breakup

How to balance emotions in a relationship

Remember, it's okay if someone wasn't the one for you—what matters most is that you remain true to yourself and continue to seek the love and connection you deserve.

With Love and Gratitude,

Jay Shetty

What We Discuss:

00:00 Intro

01:54 They Weren’t For You and That’s Okay

05:04 #1: When People Show You Who They Are, Believe Them

09:09 #2: They Never Showed Up When It Mattered

10:55 #3: They’re Still Healing

12:41 #4: They Kept Saying We Can’t Do This

16:37 #5: You Were Chasing the Whole Time

18:53 #6: They Made You Feel Detached

19:13 #7: You Are More Scared Of Being Alone Than Be With Them

20:58 #8: They Couldn’t Open Up in Meaningful Conversations

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Dr. Aliza Pressman: How to Avoid Your Parents Mistakes & Raise Confident and Resilient Kids Aug 19, 2024

Show notes

How do you help your children build confidence?

How do you teach your kids to be resilient?

Today, Jay welcomes Dr. Aliza Pressman. Aliza is a developmental psychologist with nearly two decades of experience working with families and healthcare providers. She is the host of the Raising Good Humans podcast and an expert in parenting strategies and child development. Dr. Pressman is also the author of The Five Principles of Parenting: Your Essential Guide to Raising Good Humans, where she offers practical advice and insights for parents looking to raise emotionally resilient and well-rounded children.

Aliza begins by discussing whether everyone should become a parent and emphasizes the importance of being intentional and reflective before making that decision. She suggests that potential parents should think about their own values and how they want to approach parenting. She explains that having a strong, secure bond with a child is crucial for their development and that this bond can evolve over time, even if there have been mistakes along the way.

Some children are more sensitive and require a specific environment to thrive, while others are more adaptable. She encourages parents to be mindful of their child’s unique needs. The discussion moves on to discipline and encouragement. Dr. Pressman suggests that discipline should focus on teaching rather than punishing, with clear boundaries set for the child’s safety and well-being. When it comes to building confidence, she emphasizes that helping children develop skills (competence) is more effective than simply giving praise.

In this interview, you'll learn:

How to handle parenting guilt and shame

How to set boundaries for your child

How to build your child’s confidence

How to discipline effectively

How to foster independence in your child

How to build a secure attachment with your child

By focusing on building secure attachments, setting clear boundaries, and fostering independence, parents can create a nurturing environment where their children can thrive.

With Love and Gratitude,

Jay Shetty

What We Discuss:

00:00 Intro

02:57 Should Everyone Be a Parent?

04:29 How Do We Get to Be Who We Are?

05:50 Secure Attachment Relationship

07:15 Feeling of Guilt and Shame as a Parent

11:07 Tiny Moments to Build Resilience

15:31 The Tendency to Overcorrect

17:03 What is Effective Reflection?

21:44 Learn to Reflect with Your Children

26:31 Failure as a Parent

31:14 Different Forms of Communication with Children

35:10 What is the Right Approach to Discipline?

39:10 Three Parenting Styles

41:36 Tension and Rejection Can Be a Motivation

45:34 Dealing with a Child Who Doesn’t Want to Open Up

50:12 Your Presence is Important

51:46 How to Have a Social Media Conversation?

57:12 How to Raise a Confident Human?

01:01:40 Allow Kids to Showcase What They Learned

01:05:53 Adults Can Work on Themselves

01:07:23 Aliza on Final Five

Episode Resources:

Dr. Aliza Pressman | Website

Dr. Aliza Pressman | Instagram

Dr. Aliza Pressman | Facebook

Raising Good Humans

The 5 Principles of Parenting: Your Essential Guide to Raising Good Humans

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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6 Steps to Detox from Your Phone & Reduce Your Anxiety Levels Aug 16, 2024

Show notes

How often do you check your phone daily?

Do you feel anxious when you’re away from your phone?

Today, Jay addresses the growing concern of excessive phone and internet usage, exploring its detrimental effects on mental and physical health. He begins by explaining how activities like swiping, liking, and commenting on social media provide our brains with dopamine hits, which can create a cycle of dependency and compulsive behavior. Despite the benefits of technology, such as increased connectivity and access to information, many people feel less connected and more distracted, anxious, and impatient.

Jay elaborates on the neurological aspects of dopamine and its role in pleasure-seeking behaviors, emphasizing that problems arise when we expect constant rewards from our online activities. He draws parallels between the brain's response to food and its response to digital consumption, advocating for a balanced approach that avoids overindulgence in either.

In this episode, you'll learn:

How to become more conscious of your internet use

How to have wifi-free meals

How to replace morning phone use with healthier habits

How to stay mindful when using technology

How to engage in a cell phone detox

The ultimate goal is to create a healthier, more intentional relationship with technology, leading to a more fulfilling and balanced life.

With Love and Gratitude,

Jay Shetty

What We Discuss:

00:00 Intro

01:46 On Your Phone All the Time?

05:32 Losing Control Over Phone Use

06:19 Six Steps to Phone Detox

07:01 Dopamine

11:23 People Aren’t As Happy As Before

13:39 How Often Do You Check Your Phone?

14:27 Cortisol

17:26 Step 1: Become More Conscious

19:19 Step 2: Wait an Hour Before Going Online

21:18 Step 3: The WiFi-Free Meal

23:45 Step 4: Watch What You Consume Online

24:54 Step 5: Limit Potions

25:48 Step 6: Intermittent Fasting

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Alexis Ren & Allie Michelle: 3 Ways to Stop Putting a Guard up in Love & Why You Need to Change Your Mindset On What Success Means in Dating Aug 12, 2024

Show notes

How can you start letting your guard down in love?

How can you become more open and vulnerable in your relationships?

Today, let's welcome Alexis Ren and Allie Michelle. Alexis is a model, entrepreneur, and social media influencer with over 18 million followers on Instagram. Known for her advocacy of mental health and self-empowerment, Alexis has leveraged her platform to promote wellness and personal growth. She is also the co-founder of "We Are Warriors," a female-driven wellness community focused on fostering self-love, strength, and growth among women worldwide.

Allie is a bestselling author, spoken word artist, and certified yoga, breathwork, meditation, Reiki, and craniosacral therapist. She is passionate about holistic health and personal development, which she incorporates into her work. The duo are the co-founders of "We Are Warriors," a female-driven wellness community focused on fostering self-love, strength, and growth among women worldwide.

Alexis and Allie's friendship began when they were preteens and they share how their relationship has been a cornerstone of their personal growth, providing mutual support through life's challenges. A significant turning point in their friendship occurred when Alexis's mother passed away, leading to Allie’s family adopting Alexis.

A significant theme throughout the discussion is the balance of masculine and feminine energies, which Alexis and Allie explore in depth. They describe how these energies play out in their lives and work, with Alexis often taking on a more masculine, action-oriented role, while Allie embodies a more feminine, intuitive approach. They emphasize the importance of recognizing and honoring both energies within oneself and in others, as this balance has been crucial in their personal and professional lives.

Alexis and Allie also address the societal pressures that women face, particularly around beauty standards and career expectations. Both women emphasize the importance of breaking free from limiting beliefs and societal expectations to find deeper fulfillment and authenticity.

In this interview, you'll learn:

How to support a friend

How to manage criticism

How to build a strong friendship

How to stay authentic

How to handle creative blocks

How to empower others

Embrace the balance of your masculine and feminine energies, break free from societal expectations, and empower each other to thrive on the journey to self-discovery and growth.

With Love and Gratitude,

Jay Shetty

What We Discuss:

00:00 Intro

03:38 Beginning of a Friendship

08:25 Growing Together Independently

10:21 Going Through Big and Small Changes

15:19 Creative and Emotional Intelligence

18:30 Validating and Complimenting Each Other

21:59 Types of Archetypes

27:18 What's Holding Women Back?

29:46 Start Embracing Your Feminine Energy

33:38 Why Did It Trigger You?

41:00 How to Prepare for Life

45:23 Living an Internally Peaceful Life

52:44 Balance Between Masculine and Feminine Energy

01:02:25 Dealing with the Imbalance in Your Energy

01:07:00 You Can Do Uncomfortable Things

01:10:16 The Best Journaling Practice

01:14:39 Speak to Your Subconscious

01:16:55 Try Leaning Into the Moment

01:23:27 Relationship Checklist

01:28:38 Alexis and Allie on Final Five

01:37:46 Giving Each Other the Grace of Change

Episode Resources:

Alexis Ren | YouTube

Alexis Ren | Instagram

Alexis Ren | Facebook

Alexis Ren | TikTok

Allie Michelle | YouTube

Allie Michelle | Instagram

Allie Michelle | TikTok

Allie Michelle | Books

We Are Warriors

Special thank you to Kajabi. Visit: https://kajabi.com/JayShetty

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Why Your Unresolved Trauma is Keeping You Stuck & How to Rewire Your Brain to Move Forward with Laverne Cox Aug 09, 2024

Show notes

How does unresolved trauma impact your life?

How can you rewire your brain to overcome trauma?

Today, in the On Purpose podcast, Jay sits down with actress and LGBT advocate, Laverne Cox. Laverne’s groundbreaking performance on "Orange Is the New Black" made her the first openly transgender person to be nominated for a Primetime Emmy Award. In addition to her acting career, Laverne Cox has been involved in various advocacy and awareness campaigns, making her a significant figure in the ongoing struggle for transgender and LGBTQ+ rights. Her work has contributed to greater visibility and acceptance of transgender individuals in the entertainment industry and society at large.

In this episode, Laverne and Jay dive deep into transgender rights, media representation challenges, and how empathy can make a big difference in our divided world. They also discuss how fake news and false information on the internet can be a problem and why learning how to spot them is crucial.

Laverne also shares personal experiences and insights that shed light on the struggles and triumphs of the transgender community. She also talked about the need for structural change, greater investment in education, and the role of love and empathy in promoting understanding and healing.

In this interview, you'll learn:

The power of personal stories in changing perceptions and fostering empathy
The struggles and rights of transgender individuals in society
Ways to challenge and correct misconceptions about transgender individuals
The importance of uncomfortable conversations and understanding why having difficult discussions is essential for growth and progress.

Remember that understanding and empathy can bridge even the widest divides, and it's through collective efforts that we can work toward a more inclusive and compassionate world.

With Love and Gratitude,

Jay Shetty

What We Discuss: