Oh Crap with Jamie

Latest Episodes:

12. Time Management Jun 14, 2019

Show notes

Toddler time is very slow—after all, we’re talking about little humans who’re still getting the hang of executive functions and motor skills. Consequently, parents need to slow down for their little ones so that we don’t end up transitioning from activity to activity too quickly and upset them in the process. This can be VERY difficult because as a parent, you feel compelled to move quickly and deal with a bunch of tasks ASAP. The solution? Optimize your time like an efficiency expert has taken over your life so you can handle each little task and chore at the best pace for your kid. In this episode, Jamie explains why toddlers can’t move as quickly as we expect them to, gives you a novel way to visualize your priorities, and argues for why airplane mode on your phone is your best friend. The Finer Details of This Episode: What is the Pareto principle, and why does optimizing a mere 20% of your time help you manage the remaining 80%? The priority debacle—namely not knowing how to manage our priorities, or not even being sure what they’re supposed to be! What it means to lose your “white space” as parents. Managing your priorities more effectively by visualizing them as big stones. The ways you interact with your child are going to change over the years, and how much of your time that will involve is going to wax and wane. Managing your social media use through a new method called “time chunking.” Quotes: “If you give 100% of yourself to your kids you have 0% left over!” “Guys, you can’t have 30 big stones when there’s only 24 hours in the day!” “I want you to own your priorities with pride.” Links: Digital Minimalism book - http://www.calnewport.com/books/digital-minimalism/ Jamie’s homepage - http://www.jamieglowacki.com/ Oh Crap! Potty Training - https://www.amazon.com/Crap-Potty-Training-Everything-Parenting-ebook/dp/B00V3L8YSU Oh Crap! I Have A Toddler [Get my new book] - https://www.simonandschuster.com/books/Oh-Crap!-I-Have-a-Toddler/Jamie-Glowacki/Oh-Crap-Parenting/9781982109738 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

11. Deconstructing the "Magical Childhood" Jun 07, 2019

Show notes

Jamie’s personal parenting style straddles the line between new and old, and she often likes to look back and see how child-rearing strategies and expectations have changed over the decades. For example, nowadays it’s far more acceptable for a child not to be fully potty trained until 3 or even 4 years old when a long time ago even 2 years was unthinkable. We need to ensure that these often inaccurate expectations from our early years don’t prevent us from teaching our kids the wrong lessons and passing on even more unrealistic expectations. In this episode, Jamie debunks some of the myths that have been built up around your own childhood, argues for what you should take time to appreciate instead, and suggests ways you can help your little ones feel like they’re a useful part of the “village” that is family. The Finer Details of This Episode: Your childhood memories are never as magical as you recall them being; for example, you never remember having to pay the bills. The downside to these memories is that they give us completely unrealistic expectations for how early child-rearing years should go and prevent us from enjoying them for how they actually are. A surprising fact: the idea of a teenager is a relatively recent concept! Viewing family as part of a “village” your child belongs to and feels compelled to fit in with. How free, open play helps develop imagination in a way merchandised products simply don’t. The way a simple anthole provided Jamie’s son Pascal with a wealth of curiosity and focus. Thinking of ways we can engender adult behavior and fine motor skills (and teaching your little one to prepare their own food). Quotes: “We are being led by the nose by marketing that we have to make our children’s childhood magical.” “Childhood is training to be an adult.” “We’ve gotten away from the true goal, which is to raise healthy, happy, competent adults.” “You can say ‘good job!’ all you want but it doesn’t build self-esteem.” “You’re going to feel like a great parent because you’re nurturing this home life for your child.” Links: Jamie’s homepage - http://www.jamieglowacki.com/ Oh Crap! Potty Training - https://www.amazon.com/Crap-Potty-Training-Everything-Parenting-ebook/dp/B00V3L8YSU Oh Crap! I Have A Toddler [Get my new book] - https://www.simonandschuster.com/books/Oh-Crap!-I-Have-a-Toddler/Jamie-Glowacki/Oh-Crap-Parenting/9781982109738 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

10. Risk-Taking May 31, 2019

Show notes

This week’s discussion centers on an issue Jamie feels very passionate about, and one which she believes makes our kids act out in crappy ways. That issue? Being so incredibly, uncompromisingly protective of our little ones for fear that they get so much as a scratch. Enforcing extreme caution on our kids at too early of an age means they might grow up too terrified to take ANY of the necessary risks in life, which will come back to bite them—and, indirectly, you—once they head off to college. So rather than bubble wrap our tots, we need to let them explore and discover their own physical limitations. In this episode, Jamie explains the senses at play when it comes to getting a handle on your body, advises you to buddy up with other parents who aren’t afraid to let their kids trip and fall, and helps you come to terms with the fact that your children will need to get a few scratches and scrapes for them to grow on their own terms. The Finer Details of This Episode: Try putting yourself in the socks or shoes of a little toddler who’s only recently mastered basic motor functions and is being constantly told to “be careful.” Letting our children explore their bodies and range of motion is an empowering experience, bruises and all. Proprioception: our sense of movement and position based on internal stimuli, aka knowing how all our limbs and movements fit together. Vestibular system: our sense of balance and spatial orientation, aka what keeps us from constantly falling over. Why your child’s 3rd birthday is when you need to back off a little and let them take a few risks. What you can do to encourage your little one to explore their range of movement and develop core motor skills. The benefit of letting our kids engage in old school “big play,” such as tag. Seek out friendships with other like minded parents who aren’t afraid to let their kids be a little more boisterous. Some fun ways you can challenge your own kid and foster rough-and-tumble risk taking. Tips for encouraging your child to explore an environment courtesy of Josée from Backwoods Mama. Why you shouldn’t lift your little one up to reach something. Accepting that your kid is going to get hurt at some point, and that it will probably help them in the long run. Quotes: “We have to let them explore the limits of their body!” “There is no magic age at which your child knows how to do something.” “We have to let kids make mistakes.” “We’re being too soft on our kids and we spend our time making their lives easier when really we should just be throwing some obstacles in their way.” “Self-esteem is built by doing things you thought you couldn’t do.” Links: Backwoods Mama - https://www.backwoodsmama.com/ The Land documentary - https://www.kanopy.com/product/land-adventure-play-documentary Jamie’s homepage - http://www.jamieglowacki.com/ Oh Crap! Potty Training - https://www.amazon.com/Crap-Potty-Training-Everything-Parenting-ebook/dp/B00V3L8YSU Oh Crap! I Have A Toddler [Pre-order my new book] - https://www.simonandschuster.com/books/Oh-Crap!-I-Have-a-Toddler/Jamie-Glowacki/Oh-Crap-Parenting/9781982109738 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

9. Baby Boomers & Picky Eaters May 24, 2019

Show notes

This week’s Oh, Crap! is a little more freestyle and a little more livid. Jamie has a lot on her mind right now, from how Baby Boomer parents look down on how the younger generations raise their little ones, to the perilous journey of dealing with a picky eater. So now’s the time to collectively let off some steam. In this episode, Jamie lets out some of her pent-up feelings re: the Baby Boomer generation, makes a case for why we should ease back on helicopter parenting, and lists some of the dos and don’ts for dealing with picky eaters. The Finer Details of This Episode: Raising kids isn’t a 24/7 “precious” experience and we shouldn’t pretend that it is. Growing up under Boomer parenting: like Stranger Things but without the extra-dimensional aliens. Lenore Skenazy’s mission to debunk myths about childhood dangers and prevent parents from bubble-wrapping their kids. Baby Boomers: you don’t need to call the cops on anything that looks vaguely suspicious! Why the wealth of knowledge available to modern parents makes raising kids much more complicated than it was 30 years ago. When to accept picky eating and when you’ll want to seek out medical treatment for it. Keep a “backup meal” on hand for when your little one gets choosy. None of us want a hangry toddler, but letting them snack constantly isn’t going to help in the long run. Your kid doesn’t have to sit at the table for all of dinner, but they should eat only what you set out for them. Quotes: “The Baby Boomer bullshit is affecting all of us!” “Parenting has gotten harder because we know more!” “Take from the older generation what worked but then ditch what didn’t.” “If my neurotypical, non-sensory kid doesn’t want to eat chicken but wants to eat desert, he’s not hungry. That’s the reality.” Links: Let Grow - https://letgrow.org/ Jamie’s homepage - http://www.jamieglowacki.com/ Oh Crap! Potty Training - https://www.amazon.com/Crap-Potty-Training-Everything-Parenting-ebook/dp/B00V3L8YSU Oh Crap! I Have A Toddler [Pre-order my new book] - https://www.simonandschuster.com/books/Oh-Crap!-I-Have-a-Toddler/Jamie-Glowacki/Oh-Crap-Parenting/9781982109738 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

8. "Bad" Behavior May 17, 2019

Show notes

Jamie doesn’t believe kids are capable of “bad” behavior in the traditional sense—most toddlers aren’t mentally developed enough to act truly maliciously. But when you mix complex feelings, a near-complete inability to verbally communicate those feelings, and few if any inhibitions, and your little one can turn into a little shit really quickly. The trick is figuring out what feelings motivate acting out and what tools we can use to help them express those feelings in a healthier (and quieter) way. In this episode, Jamie discusses the three major ways your little one can act up, as well as some helpful techniques you can use to expand your kid’s emotional vocabulary and keep them from going overboard. The Finer Details of This Episode: Don’t trust anyone who claims they can eradicate your kid’s unruly behavior. Acting out: when our kids put into action what they’re unable to communicate. Limit-testing: how our little ones figure out what they can get away with. Tantrum: the emotional explosion that happens when stimuli get to be too much. Why firmer boundaries will inhibit limit-testing. Nearly every tantrum can prevented if your little one is getting the sleep they need. Don’t go all out for an overly stimulating birthday party your toddler’s never gonna remember. Teaching your kids the basic language that will allow them to express their new and strange feelings. The “tetherball” approach to pushing back against limit-testing. Figuring out which tantrums are preventable and which ones you’ll just have to accept. The “Will I Cave?” method for determining the right times to say yes or no. Quotes: “Remember, they’re so new—2, 3 years old. They don’t have all the words!” “Children are allowed to have bad days, and I think we all forget that.” “The tricky thing about boundaries is that kids will keep moving them.” “If it’s gonna wack your kid out and result in tantrums and bad behavior, say no.” “Your job is to be a pole in cement, in the ground, that they can totally kick off of.” Links: Jamie’s homepage - http://www.jamieglowacki.com/ Oh Crap! Potty Training - https://www.amazon.com/Crap-Potty-Training-Everything-Parenting-ebook/dp/B00V3L8YSU Oh Crap! I Have A Toddler [Pre-order my new book] - https://www.simonandschuster.com/books/Oh-Crap!-I-Have-a-Toddler/Jamie-Glowacki/Oh-Crap-Parenting/9781982109738 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

7. Emotional Swaddling May 10, 2019

Show notes

Any parent of a newborn knows why you swaddle them: it’s snug, it’s secure, and it keeps them from constantly swatting themselves in the damn face. Instilling boundaries in your toddlers is like kind of like emotional swaddling in that sense. You might recoil at the idea of enforcing too stringent boundaries—some of us came from controlling households, after all—but without any boundaries your child will grow up not feeling developmentally safe. In this episode, Jamie discusses the positive effects setting boundaries at an early age can have later on, explores how much leeway parents should be able to have with those boundaries, and suggests some tips to keep from going Bad Mom Viral. The Finer Details of This Episode: Accepting that the early years of your child’s life require stricter boundaries and restrictions—and why that’s not a bad thing! Figuring out the right times to enforce these boundaries and when to ease up a little. Setting up boundaries now is laying the groundwork for being firm with your child when they’re older. What it means to “be the fencepost” to your child. Why trying to get your toddler to understand logic is only going to be a dead end. Determining which boundaries you want to play fast and loose with (not bedtime, though!). Setting expectations with your child so they know exactly what’s going to happen if they do X — mom algebra! Quotes: “You cannot guide a 0 to 6-year-old. They will flail.” “If you don’t set your expectations and keep your boundaries firm in that age range, you get screwed later on.” “Your kid’s gonna eat you like a piranha and spit out the bones if you smell like fear.” “You need a lot less [discipline] than you think if you simply follow through with your action.” “If you say it more than once it’s an empty threat! And your child knows that.” Links: Jamie’s homepage - http://www.jamieglowacki.com/ Oh Crap! Potty Training - https://www.amazon.com/Crap-Potty-Training-Everything-Parenting-ebook/dp/B00V3L8YSU Oh Crap! I Have A Toddler [Pre-order my new book] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

6. Self-Care Truth Bombs May 03, 2019

Show notes

Parental self-care is basically nonexistent for the first few years of raising your child. You’re so busy making sure your little one eats on time, has clean clothes to wear and doesn’t run out onto the road that it’s hard to schedule time for yourself to unwind and recharge. Instead, we often end up burning ourselves out to the point that the only self-care we can manage is overly indulgent, unhealthy and ultimately unfulfilling. Self-care shouldn’t be spur of the moment; it requires as much care, consideration and planning as a busy day. In this episode, Jamie impresses why you should plan for self-care rather than just indulging in it at your wit’s end and lays out a long list of permissions you can take advantage of when stressed. The Finer Details of This Episode: Why self-care is really just setting yourself up for success. Moving away from unhealthy, expensive “crash pad” self-care to more proactive self-care. The most basic yet radical form of self-care: a good night’s sleep. Drinking might seem like a good way to settle down after a stressful day, but it makes for bad vibes the following day. Don’t just burn yourself out chasing your kids—find the time to properly exercise! Why you need to get behind your own Eight Ball (and what that means). Jamie’s list of permissions you can allow yourself on a particularly stressful day. Quotes: “If we’re not taking care of ourselves then we cannot be the best people.” “Put your own oxygen mask on before assisting others.” “You don’t need to prove your parenting to anyone.” Links: Brené Brown - https://brenebrown.com Jamie’s homepage - http://www.jamieglowacki.com/ Oh Crap! Potty Training - https://www.amazon.com/Crap-Potty-Training-Everything-Parenting-ebook/dp/B00V3L8YSU Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

5. Boundaries Apr 26, 2019

Show notes

You know how kids are like—if you give them an inch, they’ll take a yard. The same can be said for other parents who are your friends most of the time but can innocently expect too much—or something too specific—from you. Having your personal boundaries crossed time and time again can lead to stress and wear down your resolve. Remember that you’re the captain of this parenting ship. If you’re feeling too worn down or compromised that ship is going to run aground, which isn’t good for anyone. So let’s work on making those boundaries reasonable yet firm, eh? In this episode, Jamie breaks down how high expectations from other parents can lead to broken boundaries, discusses ways you can overcome your fear of necessary confrontation, and explains why it’s so important to make boundaries clear to all parties. The Finer Details of This Episode: Figuring out how too soft or too strict personal boundaries can carry over to your parenting boundaries. If you’re finding yourself spread too thin, that might be a sign you’ve ceded too much personal territory to your kids and others. It’s true: women find their parental boundaries strained more often than men. So what can we do to remedy that? Expectations for parenting (food, first aid, education) are so much higher than when our parents were raising us. But these raised expectations can eat into our boundaries. How unclear expectations lead to crossed boundaries, which in turn leads to resentment. It can feel rude to enforce boundaries at first, but healthy boundaries will lead to healthier, more honest relationships in the long term. An example of the boundaries Jamie has her son Pascal set with his cousin. Setting healthy boundaries might mean confrontation—which can be scary—but you don’t have to do it alone! Quotes: “People who have really good personal boundaries may have too stringent boundaries with their kids, and their kids are kicking against that.” “If you have weak personal boundaries you are going to have weak parenting boundaries.” “The pressures these days to be a perfect mom is just unbelievably off the charts.” “A normal, healthy person is going to respect your boundary and if they don’t? Another clue that you’re dealing with someone who’s not healthy.” “If you didn’t lay out your expectations, you can’t expect people to know it.” Links: Brené Brown - https://brenebrown.com Jamie’s homepage - http://www.jamieglowacki.com/ Oh Crap! Potty Training - https://www.amazon.com/Crap-Potty-Training-Everything-Parenting-ebook/dp/B00V3L8YSU Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

4. Psycho Mom Apr 19, 2019

Show notes

You can be the most patient and understanding parent six out of seven days the week, but there's always the risk of some straw breaking your proverbial camel's back and turning you into Psycho Mom. It sucks for everybody involved, but don't beat yourself up over it; you're human after all. So instead of fretting about that one time you shouted, let's focus on some ways you can keep from shouting in the first place. In this episode, Jamie discusses healthier ways to show frustration, helps you find the ideal middle ground, and reveals the one statement you need to stay away from. The Finer Details of This Episode: Remember: no matter how justified your anger is, Psycho Mom will always be scary to your little ones. Finding healthier ways to let off steam than your Psycho Mom mode. The three major factors that contribute to going over the edge. Finding ways to build up steam rather than letting it all out at once. Jamie’s story of a very conscientious mother who went full Psycho Mom despite her best intentions. Why parents are afraid of being firm even though it's a better middle ground. Testing limits: it's what kids do best. Handy tips for when you next need to apologize. Practice away! Quotes: “If Psycho Mom makes a semi-regular appearance in your house, it's because you aren't letting out your feelings.” “Dealing with real feelings and real apologies helps kids manage their own emotional landscape.” “You want to be consistent and safe in your emotional reactions.” “As long as you're in control, you get to be firm.” “Nobody can make you feel anything.” Links: Brené Brown - https://brenebrown.com Jamie’s homepage - http://www.jamieglowacki.com/ Oh Crap! Potty Training - https://www.amazon.com/Crap-Potty-Training-Everything-Parenting-ebook/dp/B00V3L8YSU Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

3. Toddlers Aren't Assholes Apr 12, 2019

Show notes

Welcome to the first episode of Oh Crap!, a no-nonsense guide to parenting young children by Jamie Glowacki. Jamie is the author of Oh Crap! Potty Training and the soon-to-be-released Oh Crap! I Have a Toddler, having worked with children in the 2 to 5 age range for over two decades. She’s found that parents of toddlers expect far too much academically and developmentally from their children in this period whilst underestimating what they’re capable of, making it a turbulent time for parent and kid alike. Jamie aims to give you the tools to help get you through this period and make the most of it.

In this first episode, Jamie discusses her credentials, the most optimal parenting style for reigning in and raising up toddlers, and how to best deal with your kid when they’re not being their best.

The Finer Details of This Episode:

Defining “threenager” and why toddlers are surprisingly similar to adolescents.
Guiding vs. governing parenting and why the latter is more effective than the former for toddling.
Parent the child in front of you rather than the one you wish you had.
Making sure to chastise your child’s behavior, not them as a person.
Mitigating your kid’s more assholish moments.

Quotes:

“This is a podcast for conscious parents who drop the ‘f’ bomb a lot.”

“No one will ever know your child better than you.”

“Behavior is always a symptom, you guys, it’s never the disease!”

“You have to try on being an asshole to learn how to be not an asshole.”

Links:

Jamie’s homepage - http://www.jamieglowacki.com/

Oh Crap! Potty Training - https://www.amazon.com/Crap-Potty-Training-Everything-Parenting-ebook/dp/B00V3L8YSU

Simplicity Parenting by Kim John Payne - https://www.amazon.com/Simplicity-Parenting-Extraordinary-Calmer-Happier/dp/0345507983