Oh Crap with Jamie

Latest Episodes:

72. Halloween 2022 Oct 27, 2022

Show notes

In this episode we’re going to dig into: “what to do with all the candy” options…probably old hat for some of you but news to the newer parents. And we’ll dig into ways you can help make Halloween less meltdowny. Largely by front loading super big play, super good nutrition, and super good sleep. And psst…come closer, I wanna tell you a secret: If you child is under 3, you can actually skip Halloween if you want to. Buy Jamie’s book Jamie’s Instagram Jamie’s Patreon Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

71. Values-Filled Advice About Sleep Routines and De-escalating Situations Oct 25, 2022

Show notes

This week, we’re going to dive right into two topics that are both highly relevant these days. Lately, I’m hearing a lot from private clients, Instagram, and patrons alike about sleep routines for kids that are starting to give up their naps – and I’ll give you a heads-up, it’s actually more about the parents’ values. We’ll also look at de-escalating situations, which I’m sure you’ll all agree is a skill that is currently in great demand throughout our entire country.

I’ll share with you the importance of sleep, particularly in children under 6, and how the decision about sleep routines is very much rooted in the values which each of the parents hold. In light of this fact, I also strongly encourage you all to read (or re-read) the ‘Values’ chapter in my Oh Crap! I Have a Toddler book for more in-depth information and exercises to follow. Moving onto our other topic, I provide the steps involved in de-escalating situations whether on-line, in person or otherwise, and which are valuable when dealing with adults, and can work with children as well. As mentioned, these seem to be growing into hot topics in parenting and relationships these days – today’s episode will assist you in navigating your way through them and lead to the development of the healthy, happy, well adjusted adults for which we all strive.

The Finer Details of This Episode:

· It is well documented that children need more sleep than they’re currently getting in our society

· We all have internal value systems

· One common value clash in parents is one valuing routine and boundaries and the other more valuing creativity and super adventure

· When the child is under 6 boundaries and routines are best for kids

· You’re actually doing your child a brain/intellectual disservice by not giving them plenty of sleep

· If you’re in a situation where one parent stays home with the kids, that parent gets the final say on this issue, because they deal with the consequences the next day

· Read the chapter on ‘Values’ in my book, Oh Crap? I Have a Toddler

· As parents, it’s important to determine what your values are so you can come to an understanding

· Walking away is always an option when a situation is escalating

· No matter what the escalation, remember kindness first

· If you activate a childhood wound, you are adding fuel to the fire

· Bring your vocal quality down when de-escalating

· In any given escalation, determine what the other person needs to hear and acknowledge that

· You have to offer a bridge to the olive branch

· Find out what you need in this emotional transaction – and it can’t be ‘to be right’

· If you don’t care about the relationship, just walk away

Quotes:

“When you put an already kind of psychotic three year old on less sleep, you are adding fuel to a massive fire!”

“You have your child’s entire childhood to be the whimsical adventuresome parent, and…your ten year old is going to love you for this. But your three year old is just going to be a fucking mess tomorrow, plain and simple.”

“You’re not raising a kid for your feelings. You’re raising a kid to be a healthy, happy, well adjusted adult.”

“There’s tons of nuance and grey in every situation.”

“You are never, ever going to de-escalate any sort of situation without kindness.”

“Most often, all of us just want to be heard…we don’t even need to be right.”

Links:

Jamie’s homepage - http://www.jamieglowacki.com/

Oh Crap! Potty Training – https://www.amazon.com/Crap-Potty-Training-Everything-Parenting-ebook/dp/B00V3L8YSU

Oh Crap! I Have A Toddler -

https://www.simonandschuster.com/books/Oh-Crap!-I-Have-a-Toddler/Jamie-Glowacki/Oh-Crap-Parenting/9781982109738

Jamie’s Patreon Page: https://www.patreon.com/join/jamieglowacki?

70. You Asked For It: September 2020 Edition Oct 20, 2022

Show notes

It’s time once again to answer some questions from my incredible patrons. I can’t tell you how much I love hearing from you all, and, at the moment it looks like we’ll be doing these episodes around once a month, so sit back and enjoy the September 2020 Edition! Today, we’ll look at an assortment of patron queries around such topics as introducing your dates to your kids, independent play and expressing ‘fear’, and toddler regression when a new sibling arrives. I’ll also offer advice about getting your kids to eat at mealtimes, dealing with ‘inconsequential behavior’, and managing contact with toxic family members both for yourself and your kids. Again, I absolutely love hearing from you all, and your questions are excellent ones for all parents to learn about, so please keep them coming! The Finer Details of This Episode: · Don’t introduce someone you’re dating to your child(ren) too soon · So many factors regarding your situation go into the decision of when to do this · Recognize that your child will either become very attached to this person or rebel against them · Introducing many new people creates an unstable feeling in the child · To introduce independent play, start by setting a timer · Many times children will use the word ‘scared’ when they don’t have the right word for how they’re feeling, so help them in that moment to broaden their vocabulary · If a child is truly scared, you are going to know it · If a child is just regressing in one area, but continuing to grow in others, indulge this one area and exaggerate it · We cannot underestimate the effect of the pandemic on our kids · If your child is not sitting and eating at mealtimes, stop snacks · There’s not a standard for inconsequential behavior · If repeated talk of killing/shooting is targeted, it needs to be dealt with · If you micromanage everything your child says, they will rebel, so pick and choose ‘which hill you want to die on’ according to your values · When it comes to toxic family members, you have every right to cut communication, and you don’t have to foster a bond between the children Quotes: “The only thing I think you shouldn’t do is, like, introduce somebody for, like, the second date…make sure the relationship’s got legs.” “Scared and hurt are two hot buttons for kids because they know that those two words are going to make you stop.” “The regression of wanting to be like a baby is so natural.” “He just needed to know that he was still my baby.” “There are words that can cause harm, too.” “As parents, we are the gateway to our children.” “The parents are the bridge at that age.” “I want to be around people who love me and who treat me kindly.” Links: Jamie’s homepage - http://www.jamieglowacki.com/ Oh Crap! Potty Training – https://www.amazon.com/Crap-Potty-Training-Everything-Parenting-ebook/dp/B00V3L8YSU Oh Crap! I Have A Toddler - https://www.simonandschuster.com/books/Oh-Crap!-I-Have-a-Toddler/Jamie-Glowacki/Oh-Crap-Parenting/9781982109738 Jamie’s Patreon Page: https://www.patreon.com/join/jamieglowacki? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

69. Making Prepping Make Sense Oct 19, 2022

Show notes

On today’s episode, I’m joined by Janae, who runs a website and Instagram account called Prepared Like a Mother, where she helps readers learn to prepare things like food storage for emergencies. You all know I’m a casual prepper, so I wanted to have Janae on to help us learn a little bit more about how to prepare for emergencies—not the zombie apocalypse kind, but real-life shit. First, Janae explains how she got into disaster preparedness via a childhood obsession with severe weather and a resulting determination not to be left scrambling in the event of a disaster. She then turns to food storage specifically and discusses the benefits of maintaining a store even outside of doomsday events, along with practical, sensible tips on creating a store without getting wacky about it. Plus, we talk about our efforts with homesteading and how it’s a return to a way of life that used to be normal, even if our views on canning differ somewhat! I then ask Janae to guide us through what she’d put in a bare-bones disaster preparedness kit. She emphasizes that basic prepping doesn’t have to consist of an extravagant, expensive list of stuff and that most people have a lot of what they need in their houses already. She also tackles the issue of affordability and food storage, acknowledging that even day-to-day groceries are expensive right now and advising building up your store slowly and steadily with small extra purchases. And finally, we return to the idea of normalizing preparedness and discuss how to avoid panic by making casual prep a part of your everyday life in a way that makes sense for you. The Finer Details of This Episode: The benefits of having a food store Storing food without going to the wacky side Janae’s bare-bones disaster preparedness guide Disaster preparedness and affordability Normalizing preparedness Quotes: “Even as a young child, I’ve always loved severe weather. And with that love, you see the catastrophic events, you see what it does, you see people hurting and dying and starving and in really bad ways. And then, in my brain, I was like, oh, I need to be prepared for that because I don’t want to be that person who can’t feed my family, and I don’t want to be that person who isn’t ready and scrambling.” “Food storage comes in handy for a job loss. Food storage comes in handy for just if you are in the middle of cooking dinner, and you’re like, crap, I don’t have, I don’t even know, barbecue sauce. So go in the food storage, go get your barbecue sauce. You don’t have to hurry and run to the store. So there’s so many more good reasons to have a food storage than a doomsday.” “If you’re using your seventy-two-hour kits or natural disaster, whatever happens, you’re basically just going on a miserable vacation. You know, you’re not going to have your house, you’re not going to have whatever. So you have to adapt. And most people have the ability to adapt in their own house, they can just throw it all in a bag.” “Do what’s going to make you most comfortable. You’re going to be the one that’s in charge of your own destiny if there’s an earthquake, or if there’s a hurricane, or if there’s a nor’easter, you’re in charge of yourself, so do what makes sense to you.” Links: Jamie’s Homepage - www.jamieglowacki.com Oh Crap! Potty Training – https://www.amazon.com/Crap-Potty-Training-Everything-Parenting-ebook/dp/B00V3L8YSU Oh Crap! I Have A Toddler - https://www.simonandschuster.com/books/Oh-Crap!-I-Have-a-Toddler/Jamie-Glowacki/Oh-Crap-Parenting/9781982109738 Jamie’s Patreon Page: www.patreon.com/join/jamieglowacki? Jamie’s Instagram Page: @jamie.glowacki Janae’s Instagram Page: @preparedlikeamother Prepared Like A Mother Homepage: http://www.preparedlikeamother.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

68. Mom-Shaming and What To Do About It Oct 18, 2022

Show notes

Today’s episode is all about something that I see increasingly with Moms, and never really with Dads, but it sorely needs to be addressed, so Dads, feel free to listen in as well. Mom-shaming is definitely on the increase, especially through the internet and social media, and today we’ll look at some of its components and I’ll share my perspective on what to do if it’s happening to you. I begin by looking at the prevalence of ‘identity parenting’ in society today, the importance of ‘staying in your lane’ and just how difficult the internet and social media make this for everyone, particularly through the algorithms they employ. We’ll explore the notion that we, as humans, want to be part of a group, and that currently our groups are so often formed through common ideology where people are getting different takes on the news and care about different things from each other. I dive deep on the causes and concerns with judging others and the futility of debating others online. The current example of where we are all at with COVID-19 protocols perfectly exemplifies the notion that we are all using a goal-risk-reward system to make the best decisions for ourselves and our families, and I recommend that everyone revisit Episode 33 about ‘asking and guessing’. Throughout today’s episode, I stress that it’s okay for you to set a boundary without making another person wrong, that you need to stay in your lane, and that you can never know everything that another person is dealing with in their lives. In the end, this episode represents the latest installment in my overall goal of helping you stay sane, effective and calm, especially in these uncertain times. The Finer Details of This Episode: · Currently there is ‘Identity Parenting’ · It’s okay for you to set a boundary without making another person wrong · The internet and social media have made it so much harder to ‘stay in your lane’ · Our groups have moved beyond family-based to be ideologically-based · Our internet algorithms are based on confirmation bias · People are getting different takes on the news · Some parents don’t care about the same things as you · Except in cases of extreme abuse, we have to go with the idea that everybody wants the best for their kids · Stay in your lane to stay sane · You don’t know another person’s situation · Judging others is appealing because it makes us feel better about ourselves · Do not get into these debates on line with people · Navigating the differing protocols surrounding COVID-19 precautions is difficult these days · You want to figure out where you’re at with these protocols · All of us are using a goal-risk-reward system · Be very clear about what you need in any given moment · Be flexible · Again, it’s okay for you to set a boundary without making another person wrong · You also can’t be mad when the other person sets their boundary Quotes: “Everyone is on edge, and everyone is poised and ready for a fight.” “It feels like every choice we make needs to be defended.” “It just is astounding to me that people assume that we’re all seeing the same thing.” “The algorithm is set to increase, to escalate whatever it is you like.” “How about a private message? How about a gentle nudge?” “We can’t do it all, and that’s what’s killing us.” “She needed a hug more than she needed to stay 6 feet away.” “Is the reward worth the risk?” “You can’t be in people’s heads.” “My interest in helping you guys as parents is to help keep you sane and effective and calm.” Links: Jamie’s homepage - http://www.jamieglowacki.com/ Oh Crap! Potty Training – https://www.amazon.com/Crap-Potty-Training-Everything-Parenting-ebook/dp/B00V3L8YSU Oh Crap! I Have A Toddler - https://www.simonandschuster.com/books/Oh-Crap!-I-Have-a-Toddler/Jamie-Glowacki/Oh-Crap-Parenting/9781982109738 Jamie’s Patreon Page: https://www.patreon.com/join/jamieglowacki? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

67. Asking the Right Questions to Get the Right Solution Oct 13, 2022

Show notes

This week’s episode holds some parallels with last week’s show where I stressed the need to find the right effort behind the outcome when offering praise to your child. This time around, I’m looking at the need to ask the right question in order to find the right solution to problem behaviors your children may be exhibiting. Unfortunately, these days we’re finding an increasing number of parents who are looking for non-existent solutions due to their wrong questions, and I’m here to set the record straight today. I begin by reviewing just how critical it is to ask the right question, and acknowledging that crappy behavior always has a root cause. I then discuss the questions, especially the ‘Why?” questions which help us to dig down deep into these root causes, and offer a few examples - which you will probably recognize from your own life - and their solutions, to help you understand the required approach. The value of using “I’ statements and working with your partner to find a solution without blame or resentment is also emphasized. Rest assured, a solution can always be found, so join me as I walk you through the process here today - you and your family will definitely be glad you did. The Finer Details of This Episode: · Asking the right questions will help you get to the right solution · Crappy behavior is a symptom – there is always a root cause · Some parents are looking for non-existent solutions · Go back and listen to the ‘Psycho Mom’ episode · Part of what happens when we go ‘psycho mom’ is that we don’t show true feelings · We can get to the real solution by finding out how to help you · There’s always a solution when you land on the right problem · With only a very rare exception, toddlers should be going to bed around 7:00, maybe 7:30 – kids are getting to bed too late these days · Kids have a ‘food rhythm’ · Makes meals nutritious and easy · Family dinner becomes important when your kids start going to school, getting peer-oriented and start pulling away from you, not when they’re a toddler · Always question ‘Why?’ · Use ‘I’ statements and avoid blame and resentment when coming up with solutions with your partner Quotes: “We always want to be working on the root cause.” “Parents are presenting with a problem, and it’s the wrong problem.” “I have no magic wand to control your child’s pee muscles.” “Picking up their toys was not really the issue, yeah?” “No kid has listened the first time…stop wishing for this.” “When you give a mom, I don’t know, 20 minutes to vent, holy shit, can she talk!” “You went psycho because, probably, there is an unequal division of labor.” “You have to lean into each other and the sympathies.” “You’ve got to look at the right problem.” “The pattern of thinking is what’s important.” Links: Jamie’s homepage - http://www.jamieglowacki.com/ Oh Crap! Potty Training – https://www.amazon.com/Crap-Potty-Training-Everything-Parenting-ebook/dp/B00V3L8YSU Oh Crap! I Have A Toddler - https://www.simonandschuster.com/books/Oh-Crap!-I-Have-a-Toddler/Jamie-Glowacki/Oh-Crap-Parenting/9781982109738 Jamie’s Patreon Page: https://www.patreon.com/join/jamieglowacki? Psycho mom episode: https://jamieglowacki.libsyn.com/psycho-mom Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

66. Waiting, Screen Times, and Sparking Graciousness: More Responses to Patron Questions Oct 11, 2022

Show notes

Welcome back to another episode where I get a chance to respond to some patron questions that I’m sure many of you out there are asking as well. The two we are looking at today deal with waiting and screen time, and with sparking graciousness in your child. As a full believer that, if you need to, use screens to help babysit your kids, I also look at the creative benefits of boredom, and the importance of kids being aware of their surroundings. Delayed gratification remains an issue with kids these days, and the arts of conversation and behaving with other people are suffering from their dependence on screens, so I also offer a number of strategies to use in restaurants, grocery stores and at appointments to help keep kids occupied while also improving these skills. Regarding graciousness, I outline when this actually becomes developmentally possible for kids, and I stress again the need to model the behaviors we wish to see in our children. I cannot tell you just how much I appreciate you and your questions – please keep them coming so that we can all benefit from the learning that results. The Finer Details of This Episode: · If you need to, allow screens and be clear and honest with yourself about why you’re doing it · We should keep up learning how to occupy ourselves in our own heads · The importance of being aware of your surroundings · Delayed gratification is an issue these days · Kids can be in low-level distress · It’s okay to not go to restaurants if your child is not going to handle it well · Keeping the art of conversation is key · We’re losing the art of how to behave with other people because of screens · Stop ordering for your child as soon as you can · Audiobooks, music, car games are great for the car · Card games, dice, drawing, small talk are great for restaurants · Grocery stores are filled with opportunities to keep children interested · Consider what is being learned or what is being missed when your child is on a screen · Around the age of 8-10, children start to recognize that the world is not just about them – until that point it’s hard for them to see beyond themselves · Kids come in and out of graciousness · Model, model, model – graciousness, taking responsibility, being grateful Quotes: “There’s no magical age where your kid’s all of a sudden going to be a patient waiter.” “Nobody died from boredom…boredom begets creativity.” “Our kids are just going to have different brains than we have…we’re constantly evolving.” “Life is great when you think it’s just about you!” “You can’t bank graciousness in your kids.” “I think so many of us are more bitter than we think, and so check in on yourself.” “Watch your mindset.” “What a beautiful time to be alive.” “I love the questions!” Links: Jamie’s homepage - http://www.jamieglowacki.com/ Oh Crap! Potty Training – https://www.amazon.com/Crap-Potty-Training-Everything-Parenting-ebook/dp/B00V3L8YSU Oh Crap! I Have A Toddler - https://www.simonandschuster.com/books/Oh-Crap!-I-Have-a-Toddler/Jamie-Glowacki/Oh-Crap-Parenting/9781982109738 Jamie’s Patreon Page: https://www.patreon.com/join/jamieglowacki? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

65. My Spartan Race Awakening Oct 06, 2022

Show notes

On today’s episode, I want to share the details of the Spartan Beast obstacle course I ran at the start of September. It took place on Mount Killington in Vermont (a very steep ski mountain) and is considered the hardest of the Spartan races worldwide, resembling an outdoor Ninja Warrior course with hanging obstacles. This was my first time back running a Spartan race after I fell during one last year and blew out my knee, after which a doctor said I needed surgery, and I refused in favor of doing my own rehab. That same doctor told me I’d never run another Spartan race if I didn’t get the surgery, which I, of course, took as a challenge, so running this race was a validation of my choices. And I got that validation in the best way, managing to have fun, enjoy the community, and run a clean race (i.e. without missing an obstacle), something not many people manage! Speaking of challenging myself, this summer, I did the 75 Hard Challenge, a mental toughness program that involves hydration, working out, reading, and sticking to clean eating. This was a hard, monotonous program, but it taught me some really important lessons, including how to identify self-sabotaging behavior and stop letting yourself down. It also helped me to realize how often my choices aren’t aligned with my goals and that I can reach those goals more easily by choosing to do a little more instead of going easy on myself. That’s a lesson that can apply to parenting and other areas of life: showing up consistently and not paying attention to the internal urge to backslide will pay huge dividends. And for me, the goal is to maintain my health and strength, not by making my life longer but by making sure I can live in my body with joy and vitality for as long as possible. The Finer Details of This Episode: Running the Spartan Beast on Mount Killington Taking joy in what our bodies can do Running a clean race Deciding to stop disappointing ourselves Aging with joy and vibrancy Quotes: “He said, ‘Just so you know, you’ll never run another Spartan Race unless you get surgery.’ I think you guys know me well enough by now to know that that was like, hold my electrolyte water. Because I’ll be back with a medal.” “One of the best parts was, I bring magnesium spray for cramping. And guys cramp more often than women because they have thicker muscle mass. So every time I crested a ridge, there would be a group of guys feverishly rubbing their quads and their calves. And so I got to be, like, the magnesium-spray fairy.” “I saw so many people sort of immersed in the suckage of the race. It’s a brutal race. And I just kept looking around me, and I was like, I get to do this. My body is so amazing, I get to do this, this is crazy. You know, sometimes people at my age are couch-bound, on medicines, and I said, God, I was so, like, in love with my body.” “I had a chance to run a clean race, which means you don’t miss any of the obstacles, which is not that common. And I did, I ran a clean race, and I was so proud of myself. I was like, doing leprechaun leaps, and the rest of the race was effortless for me because I was like, wait a minute, I can run a clean race now.” “My brother said to me, ‘You know, we’re all gonna die someday,’ and I was like, I don’t care if I die tomorrow, I want to live in my body with joy and vitality and health as long as I can. I’m not trying to make my life longer, I want my life to be healthy.” Links: Jamie’s Homepage - www.jamieglowacki.com Oh Crap! Potty Training – https://www.amazon.com/Crap-Potty-Training-Everything-Parenting-ebook/dp/B00V3L8YSU Oh Crap! I Have A Toddler - https://www.simonandschuster.com/books/Oh-Crap!-I-Have-a-Toddler/Jamie-Glowacki/Oh-Crap-Parenting/9781982109738 Jamie’s Patreon Page: www.patreon.com/join/jamieglowacki? Jamie’s Instagram Page: @jamie.glowacki Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

64. Trauma, Shame, and the Power of Modeling Reconnection Oct 06, 2022

Show notes

Today’s episode is all about trauma – ‘Big T Trauma’, and ‘little t trauma’. As you may have noticed, the word ‘traumatized’ is greatly overused in parenting these days, and I have more than a few thoughts that I want and need to share with you all about it. First off, I define what both ‘Big T Trauma’ and ‘little t trauma’ are, explain why we need to stop using the word ‘traumatizing’, and explore the notion of ‘childhood wounds’ and their basis in shame. I then share some of Brene Brown’s ideas surrounding the toxic nature of shame along with some of my own, and offer some strategies to help you avoid adding to it and to help your kids become more resilient with it. You’re going to want to be sure to stick around until the very end for my own moment of epiphany regarding the power that modeling holds in increasing or reducing shame. This is an intensely personal episode for me concerning a topic with which we all have experience, and about which we can and must make a positive impact in our own lives and the lives of our children. The Finer Details of This Episode: · ‘Big T Trauma’ includes all the things that affect your physical and mental wellbeing, such as physical and mental abuse and severe neglect · ‘Big T Trauma’ affects brain development, and is often generational · Things like timeouts, potty training, and sleep training are not traumatizing · Shame goes hand in hand with humiliation · We can’t really control these wounds from happening, but we can avoid adding to them, and we can help our kids be a little more resilient to them · Brene Brown is an excellent resource who defines shame as the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and, therefore, unworthy of love and belonging · People become involved in drugs and alcoholism because of shame · Stop trying to be perfect – it will result in you losing ‘your shit’ and that is where the damage comes in · You have to deal with your own wounds and emotions · When we rage at our kids, or, conversely, react with silence, we create fear in them and fear translates into shame later on in their lives · Be cautious to state that it’s the behavior that is undesirable, not the child · Be willing to listen to your child when they have a legitimate complaint about you – don’t get defensive – and be willing to change · If your child does something wrong, say it once and then let it go – don’t keep repeating it · Model the behavior you’re looking for · There’s no reason to feel shame, to feel disconnected – reconnect after the dust settles to avoid the wounds · Model to your kids that fuck-ups happen and that you can reconnect – if, instead, you rage and get defensive, you model that they should be ashamed of fuck-ups Quotes: “Your child is going to grow up and have some childhood wounds…it is going to happen no matter how wonderful a parent you are.” “I think this is so awful a feeling that we, as humans, will do anything to run from it.” “The pain of shame is so huge.” “We all have these moments of dysregulation…you have to be willing to confront your flaws.” “No one is ever ‘always’ something or ‘never’ something…once those words are out of our mouths you can’t take them back…the damage is done.” “He felt scared when I was so quiet, because I was not just being quiet…I was just sucking the oxygen out of the room.” “You just want to avoid that culture of fear.” “We’re showing them that fucking up gets you a huge reaction.” “We want to model how to handle criticism.” “This is blowing my mind!” Links: Jamie’s homepage - http://www.jamieglowacki.com/ Oh Crap! Potty Training – https://www.amazon.com/Crap-Potty-Training-Everything-Parenting-ebook/dp/B00V3L8YSU Oh Crap! I Have A Toddler - https://www.simonandschuster.com/books/Oh-Crap!-I-Have-a-Toddler/Jamie-Glowacki/Oh-Crap-Parenting/9781982109738 Jamie’s Patreon Page: https://www.patreon.com/join/jamieglowacki? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

63. Q&A: More on Govern/Garden/Guide Oct 04, 2022

Show notes

As you all know I absolutely love hearing from you all, and so many good questions are coming my way these days that I figured now is the perfect time to offer my responses. While some of these questions are specific to the pandemic and all that it entails, the answers, as you’ll see, offer information and advice that are beneficial at any time. I’ll start by further exploring the ‘Govern, Garden, Guide’ concept which we have looked at in the past, and also share some strategies about ending the use of pacifiers and thumb sucking. Other questions I look at are regarding children who are still experiencing difficulty dealing with the restrictions that the pandemic has generated, addressing both typical and violent tantrums, teaching kids to be able to laugh things off, and instilling a good attitude in children. The topics may seem wide ranging, but woven through them all is the desire to provide our children with the strong foundation they need to enjoy strong and rewarding relationships throughout their lives. Let me tell you, there’s definitely something in today’s episode for everyone. The Finer Details of This Episode: · Simplicity Parenting by Kim John Payne is one of my favorite parenting books · It’s developmentally inappropriate to try to guide a toddler · You make your toddler feel safe by bonding, setting the rules and boundaries, and letting them know that you’ve ‘got them’ · If your child is having tantrums, you have to look at your governing and your boundaries for firmness and consistency · If a child feels unsafe, it yields poor behavior · It is very important to lay this foundation from 0-6 for future years · If you wait until teen years to discipline, you are fucked · Ending pacifier use can be a matter of just taking it away or slowly cutting a bit of a hole in it over the period of a couple weeks which reduces its ‘big suck’ appeal · Before employing techniques such as putting a nasty tasting lotion on the thumb or putting a mitt on a child’s hand to stop thumb sucking, check in with your dentist · For children who still don’t understand the restrictions imposed by the pandemic, check in on how you talk about the lockdown – ex. saying ‘I get to’ rather than ‘I have to’ · Kids forget and kids are resilient · We are over-socialized – the true extrovert is very rare · We need to transition our children back into social situations gradually from this ‘lockdown’ · The child who is very dysregulated in the house has to go to their room to learn to self-regulate – it’s respectful to let them have their big feelings in there · Revisit the ‘Go to Your Room Strategy’ podcast · Attitudes are caught – watch what you are modeling when showing your child how to laugh things off, help others out, handle angry moments, lose graciously, etc. Quotes: “You can’t guide a toddler, you have to govern.” “It’s pure brain development.” “Crappy behavior is often your child asking you to say, ‘No’.” “You’re laying the foundation for the beauty of the relationship later.” “Discipline is like teaching…and you can teach very simply by following through.” “If your child is still pining for everyday life that was in February, there’s a culture in your house that is producing that.” “Everything we do or say is teaching.” “If you have a shitty attitude and you don’t shake things off, you know that’s like you speaking French in the house and expecting your child to just learn English – they’re going to do what you do.” Links: Jamie’s homepage - http://www.jamieglowacki.com/ Oh Crap! Potty Training – https://www.amazon.com/Crap-Potty-Training-Everything-Parenting-ebook/dp/B00V3L8YSU Oh Crap! I Have A Toddler - https://www.simonandschuster.com/books/Oh-Crap!-I-Have-a-Toddler/Jamie-Glowacki/Oh-Crap-Parenting/9781982109738 Jamie’s Patreon Page: https://www.patreon.com/join/jamieglowacki? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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