Mother Plus Podcast

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#120: What Happens When ADHD/RSD People-Pleasers Become Moms? Aug 14, 2024

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Today, Stacey brings you a solo episode to talk to you about what summer break has looked like for this people-pleasing ADHD mom.

She talks about how you can learn from her mistakes, and save yourself from burnout, if you, too, struggle with making everybody around your happy all the time - but especially your children.

Recap:

What happens when people pleasers become moms?
We all know the importance of putting up boundaries and teaching your kids to “figure it out” for themselves
But when you're a people-pleaser you can know this, but still continue to give everything to your children (and leave nothing for yourself)
RSD can cause people to overreact to perceive rejection or criticism and people with RSD anticipate the rejection. Every person they meet is somebody new to figure out and then to make happy.
Because those of us with RSD struggle so much with boundaries, it can quickly lead to burnout
Current parenting philosophies teach us to be “gentle” with our children, but people-pleasers can take this too far
A sample day of a mom who is constantly trying to please her kids (a cautionary tale)
The difference between Mom and Dad when setting boundaries with their kids
Let's revisit the age-old question: Should I play with my kids? (Check out one of our most popular episodes where we so boldly claimed "We Don't Like Playing With Our Kids.")

**CLICK HERE to join the ADHD Moms Club**
About Stacey Hutson:
Former Chicago-girl, Stacey Hutson, now attempts to live the Colorado life in Golden with her husband and two still slightly helpless daughters, ages 4 and 6. By now she thought she’d be totally immersed in motherhood, happily sitting on the floor “doing voices,” trying desperately to hold on to every precious moment. But instead, she found herself on that same floor reminiscing about the days when she was a writer, an ad girl, a paleo food blogger, and a karaoke superstar.
Her nervous system was overwhelmed, her house was a disaster, and she couldn’t understand why she was so nostalgic for her fun, spontaneous pre-mom life. That’s why she created the Mother Plus Podcast with Stephanie Sprenger to give a voice to the too much moms who feel like they are failing at motherhood, and don’t want to fail anymore.
Her late ADHD Diagnosis has opened her eyes to the fact that understanding her brain is the key to finally enjoying her motherhood.

WHERE TO FIND US NOW

Connect with Stacey

🎧 The Next Phase Podcast —
on Apple & Spotify
📸 Instagram: @stacehutson

Connect with Steph

🎧 The Peri-Normal Podcast
on Apple and Spotify
✍️ The Reclamation Era
on Substack
📝 MidCircle
— a writing community for midlife women
📸 Instagram: @stephsprenger

#119: ADHD Is Not An Excuse; It Is A Map: Steph Talks Life Changes, Meds, and Success with ADHD Aug 01, 2024

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Steph shares how her life has changed since her ADHD diagnosis, both at work and at home.
First, a med update: "I don't feel the meds when I take them, but I feel it when I don't." How finding the right formula has been the key to achieving balance, good sleep, and improved focus.
Aside from meds, Steph talks about the element of self-awareness and understanding that has helped with executive functioning, organization, negative beliefs, and procrastination when managing the household as a newly single mom.
ADHD can be a superpower: Steph shares how understanding her neurodivergence has been the key to reinventing and supercharging her career.
Never underestimate the power of passion when it comes to success. Remember, the ADHD brain is wired for interest, not importance.
Self-acceptance and allowing ourselves to choose a path that fits for us can get us unstuck and unlock our professional potential.
Steph shares what it felt like to witness her daughter's recent ADHD diagnosis and how healing it was for her as an adult who went undiagnosed for decades.
ADHD is NOT an excuse; it is a map. Don't forget that you are always allowed to change your course, and understanding yourself provides a clearer path.

Join the ADHD Moms Club HERE!

WHERE TO FIND US NOW

Connect with Stacey

🎧 The Next Phase Podcast —
on Apple & Spotify
📸 Instagram: @stacehutson

Connect with Steph

🎧 The Peri-Normal Podcast
on Apple and Spotify
✍️ The Reclamation Era
on Substack
📝 MidCircle
— a writing community for midlife women
📸 Instagram: @stephsprenger

#118: ADHD Insecurities & Anxieties: A Conversation with Mother + Clinical Psychologist + ADHD Specialist Jul 17, 2024

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Sharon Saline, Psy.D., clinical psychologist and author of the award-winning book, “What your ADHD child wishes you knew: Working together to empower kids for success in school and life and The ADHD solution card deck” specializes in working with children, teens, adults and families living with ADHD, learning disabilities, twice exceptionality and mental health issues.

She lectures and facilitates workshops internationally on topics such as ADHD and neurodivergence, executive functioning, the anxiety spectrum, motivation, perfectionism and working with different kinds of learners. Dr. Saline is on the advisory panel, serves as a contributing editor at ADDitudemag.com and hosts their weekly YouTube Live sessions. She also blogs for PsychologyToday.com, appears as a featured expert on MASS Appeal on WWLP-TV and is a part-time lecturer at the Smith School for Social Work. She has been featured in numerous online and print publications including The New York Times, MSN, The Washington Post, The Psychotherapy Networker, Smith College Studies in Social Work, Attention Magazine, ADDitude Magazine and more.
Find Sharon:
@DrSharonSaline
DrSharonSaline.com

Click Here To Find Your People and Join The ADHD Moms Club!

WHERE TO FIND US NOW

Connect with Stacey

🎧 The Next Phase Podcast —
on Apple & Spotify
📸 Instagram: @stacehutson

Connect with Steph

🎧 The Peri-Normal Podcast
on Apple and Spotify
✍️ The Reclamation Era
on Substack
📝 MidCircle
— a writing community for midlife women
📸 Instagram: @stephsprenger

#117: “I’m Not Good Enough”: A Conversation with Mother + Clinical Psychologist + ADHD Specialist Jul 02, 2024

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In our conversation with Dr. Sharon Saline, she talks about the origin of the sense of failure so many people with ADHD experience, and how it can be traced back to harmful messaging we've endured since childhood about how we are defective in some way or not okay.
Dr. Sharon challenges us to change our inner dialogue and talk to ourselves with compassion, the way we would a close friend or a child in need.
Dr. Sharon breaks down what emotional dysregulation looks like and how it shows up for women with ADHD in terms of overwhelm, time management challenges, working memory, and self-evaluation, aka, the way we perceive and speak to ourselves.
People with ADHD tend to have "big feelings." Dr. Sharon explains why people with poor working memory also struggle with emotional control.
Dr. Sharon guides us through the biology of ADHD and how brain structure as well as neurotransmitter function both play a role in emotional regulation.
Dr. Sharon shares with us the mind-blowing concept of the "Takeback of the Day." She walks us through the protocol and "rules" and how transformative it can be in relationship repair.
We talk about what it looks like when an ADHD mom "loses it," how terrible it feels, what's often at the root of it, and how to make it right. Dr. Sharon walks us through "do-overs" and repair when children are involved.
In order to avoid the "Boy who cried wolf" cycle of damage and repair, Dr. Sharon encourages us to notice the signals that we are about to lose it so we can course correct before we go over the edge—she shares her STAR method which can be revolutionary for stopping the cycle of losing it.

Click Here To Find Your People and Join The ADHD Moms Club!

WHERE TO FIND US NOW

Connect with Stacey

🎧 The Next Phase Podcast —
on Apple & Spotify
📸 Instagram: @stacehutson

Connect with Steph

🎧 The Peri-Normal Podcast
on Apple and Spotify
✍️ The Reclamation Era
on Substack
📝 MidCircle
— a writing community for midlife women
📸 Instagram: @stephsprenger

#116: What Do You Do When You Can't Stop Thinking About Bad Things That Could Happen? Jun 26, 2024

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Catastrophizing: An irrationally negative forecast of future events.
This is a common ADHD trait. When your thoughts are hyperactive, it's hard not to go down rabbit holes. And some of them can be pretty scary and depressing.
Today, Stacey shares her personal experience with catastrophizing, and the two things she's doing to tame her negative thoughts of the future.
If you, too, have catastrophizing thoughts and want to find a place where you can share your experience and bond with other women who understand, please join us in the AHD Moms Club.
Come hang out with us! We're weird in all the best ways.

WHERE TO FIND US NOW

Connect with Stacey

🎧 The Next Phase Podcast —
on Apple & Spotify
📸 Instagram: @stacehutson

Connect with Steph

🎧 The Peri-Normal Podcast
on Apple and Spotify
✍️ The Reclamation Era
on Substack
📝 MidCircle
— a writing community for midlife women
📸 Instagram: @stephsprenger

#115: Who Is In Charge Here? Managing Summer When You're An ADHD Mom Jun 18, 2024

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In this Stace and Steph episode, we talk about what summer looks like for the ADHD Mom: The Good, The Bad, and the very, very Ugly.
Transitions are tough for women with ADHD, and the summer transition can be especially jarring.
Summer can be such a struggle to balance "work" and "fun" and the result can feel very overwhelming.
Who is in charge here?? The lack of structure and routine and the variability of summer days is stressful for ADHD women who struggle with time management, executive functioning, and working memory.
Navigating our complicated relationships with our to-do lists becomes a special kind of hell in the summer.
We remind ourselves of Dr. Li's advice to change our "dread language" around the tasks we have created "incompetence narratives" around, telling ourselves stories and creating drama rather than reminding ourselves that the task is absolutely do-able, isn't as bad as we think, and we have the skills we need.
Stace shares her moments of joy and magic and Steph celebrates her 1980s summer victory and how she's teaching her kids to have a "good joy ethic."
We lament the lack of village and 1980s/90s mentality where we essentially raise our free-range kids together and brainstorm ways we can implement a little of that magic.

WHERE TO FIND US NOW

Connect with Stacey

🎧 The Next Phase Podcast —
on Apple & Spotify
📸 Instagram: @stacehutson

Connect with Steph

🎧 The Peri-Normal Podcast
on Apple and Spotify
✍️ The Reclamation Era
on Substack
📝 MidCircle
— a writing community for midlife women
📸 Instagram: @stephsprenger

#114: One Proven Treatment For ADHD That You Can Start Tonight (Advice From ADHD Mother + Neuroscientist) Jun 11, 2024

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We speak with neuroscientist Brooke Quinn, who is currently getting her Master's degree in sleep medicine from Oxford University, about sleep and the ADHD woman.
Women with ADHD can be predisposed to not get good sleep, and inadequate sleep can lead to an increase of ADHD symptoms (even in neurotypical people), so the vicious cycle can be difficult and magnify ADHD symptoms.
As a woman with ADHD herself, Brooke has been a pioneer in advocating for more research about sleep, women, and ADHD, and how they intersect: she goes down the rabbit hole for all of us who don't have the knowledge or bandwidth!
Once again, we echo the refrain we've discussed with so many professionals on our show: So many of us have flown under the radar, felt alone, and have experienced a lack of understanding and resources. We are stronger when we talk about it!
Brooke explains the impact of poor sleep on the emotional regulation of women with ADHD, including lower frustration tolerance, irritability, stress, and anger.
Brooke talks to us about ADHD, motherhood, postpartum hormones, rage, irritability, and mood regulation, and also the shame and guilt that happens when we are sleep deprived and lose our cool.
We talk through sleep tools and supplements, bedtime routine, sleep hygiene, and what to do in the middle of the night.

Brooke Quinn's journey in the field of sleep medicine is paved with a rich tapestry of academic excellence, professional dedication, and a heartfelt commitment to the well-being of her clients. With 3 degrees in Sleep Medicine & Clinical Neurosciences, Brooke's academic journey reflects her unwavering curiosity and dedication to her field.

Her academic prowess was further honed through clinical research coursework in 2018, culminating in her current pursuit of an MSc in Sleep Medicine Clinical Neurosciences from the prestigious University of Oxford.

Guided by Brooke's philosophy that curiosity is the engine of achievement, Coastal Somnology Consulting prides itself on a relentless pursuit of knowledge and excellence in the field of sleep medicine. At Coastal Somnology Consulting, nestled on the coast of North Carolina, our journey into the realm of sleep medicine is driven by a deep-seated passion for helping others achieve optimal sleep health.

Brooke Quinn's passion for sleep medicine is matched only by her love for her family, her animals, and the ocean. With 10 chickens, 2 ducks, 2 dogs, and a supportive family that includes a 4 year old son and a very tolerant spouse. For Brooke, the ocean is more than just a happy place; it's a source of inspiration, reflection, and rejuvenation.

www.coastalsomnologyconsulting.com

bquinn@coastalsomnologyconsulting.com

tiktok & Instagram: @NeurospicyNeuroscientist
To Join us in the next Body Doubling Session, click here to sign up for the FREE ADHD Moms Club.

WHERE TO FIND US NOW

Connect with Stacey

🎧 The Next Phase Podcast —
on Apple & Spotify
📸 Instagram: @stacehutson

Connect with Steph

🎧 The Peri-Normal Podcast
on Apple and Spotify
✍️ The Reclamation Era
on Substack
📝 MidCircle
— a writing community for midlife women
📸 Instagram: @stephsprenger

#113: Using Stand-Up Comedy To Create Conversation & Community Around Neurodiversity Jun 04, 2024

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Sam shares his experience writing his comedy special -- "Neurospicy: Love, Life, and Comedy on the Spectrum" -- as being both "confronting" as he revisited challenging moments in his life, but also "healing" as he was able to reframe those experiences through the filter of Asperger's.
Sam describes growing up without a diagnosis as being "confusing, isolating, and lacking a shared reality," and shares that the process of writing this show has created a shared reality and community.
We discuss what it feels like to look back at the years we spent without a diagnosis or understanding our brains, and how there is a balance between grief and relief.
Sam and I talk about the role of humor as a masking technique to make yourself palatable to others and feel protected.
As we reflect on the grief of looking back on life after receiving a diagnosis, Sam describes the neurological function of the grieving process and how it provides space to create new neural pathways.
Sam describes the role of comedy as both an escape and a means of understanding human dynamics and social structures, and shares the function of humor from an evolutionary psychology standpoint, which is to be a proxy for social intelligence.
Sam and I hone in on the value of using stand-up comedy to amplify and curate your best qualities but also to "digest and deliver a shared sense of humanity over the worst experiences." It all comes back to creating community and connection.

Dr. Sam Shay, DC, IFMCP solves health puzzles for busy, health-conscious moms, mom-preneurs, and adults with Aspergers so that they can exit survival mode and re-enter community. Sam started his health journey from being chronically unwell from age 6-18, stemming from a fraught home and school environment. Starting as a child, he struggled with crippling insomnia, severe fatigue, two addictions (sugar and video games), high anxiety, bad gut problems, chronic spinal pain, and social isolation. He decided to take back control of his health as a late teenager and dedicated his life to natural medicine, functional testing, and re-entering community. Dr. Shay is also a Stand-Up Comic, using clean, observational comedy to educate and entertain. His comedy sets can be seen on YouTube at bit.ly/samuelcomedyclips

Sam's Comedy Special with the Denver Fringe: Neurospicy: Love, Life, and Comedy on the Spectrum

Ticket link (Fringe with Friends: Buy 4 or more and get 10% off)
Teaser Trailer
Show info: Friday, Jun 7: 6:15-7:15pm; Saturday, June 8: 7:30-8:30pm; Sunday, June 9: 4-5pm
Download Sam's free stand-up comedy mini-manual here.
Listen to our interview with Zoe Rogers, Steph and Sam's comedy teacher in our episode: It's Not Ladies Night: This Mother Plus Stand-up Comedian Talks Sexism in the Comedy Industry

WHERE TO FIND US NOW

Connect with Stacey

🎧 The Next Phase Podcast —
on Apple & Spotify
📸 Instagram: @stacehutson

Connect with Steph

🎧 The Peri-Normal Podcast
on Apple and Spotify
✍️ The Reclamation Era
on Substack
📝 MidCircle
— a writing community for midlife women
📸 Instagram: @stephsprenger

#112: Two ADHD Moms Learn From a Psychologist & Procrastination Coach: Part 2 Jun 02, 2024

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In the second half of our conversation with Dr. Li, she discusses the impact of clutter on our environment and on our mental health.
One of the benefits of overcoming procrastination is living without constant stress.
Dr. Li emphasizes the importance of not beating ourselves up and being overly critical during the process and to be okay with being who you are.
So many of the tasks we focus on are unnecessary—simplifying + choosing not to overreact can eliminate some of that stress.
Dr. Li illuminates the dangerous loop of our stories—>drama—>fatigue—>clutter and how easy it is to get stuck there.
Toggling between tasks can actually be helpful and beneficial to the ADHD woman.
Our bodies are giving us constant feedback, and our systems are always trying to help us—thinking about it from the angle of our nervous systems' attempt to care for and support us can reframe our experiences.
"Give yourself a chance to win." Dr. Li leaves us with a positive, inspiring message to encourage success.

Today on the show we are honored to have New York-based clinical psychologist, Dr. Christine Li. But you may know her as “The Procrastination Coach.” Dr. Li helps people who are struggling with anxiety, ADD/ADHD, distractions, limiting beliefs and work avoidance to work smoothly and with high levels of productivity. Her coaching process is a blend of mindset strategy, time and emotion management tips, and a deep belief in the power we each have when we treat ourselves with love and good self-care. Dr. Li is the author of the book "5-Minute Self-Discipline Exercises: Stay Motivated, Cultivate Good Habits, and Achieve Your Goals" and is the host of the podcast "Make Time for Success."

Declutter your space with Dr. Christine Li in this FREE 5-Day Challenge: https://procrastinationcoach.com/motherplus

Join the ADHD Moms Club here:
https://www.motherplusser.com/offers/vuz3iqfT/checkout

WHERE TO FIND US NOW

Connect with Stacey

🎧 The Next Phase Podcast —
on Apple & Spotify
📸 Instagram: @stacehutson

Connect with Steph

🎧 The Peri-Normal Podcast
on Apple and Spotify
✍️ The Reclamation Era
on Substack
📝 MidCircle
— a writing community for midlife women
📸 Instagram: @stephsprenger

#111: Two ADHD Moms Learn From a Psychologist & Procrastination Coach: Part 1 May 28, 2024

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Dr. Li shares her own history of procrastination and how she thought it was "who she was" as a person rather than a characteristic that was changeable or flexible.
Her mission is to spread the word that procrastination is not who you are, but that it's something you can heal that can make your life feel so much better.
Dr. Li discusses the importance of becoming your own authority and realizing you can choose to do things differently, and how that opens up opportunities.
Mindset is everything: we learn about how shifting away from being stressed, overburdened, and believing negative thoughts about yourself can lead you to the right path for yourself.
Dr. Li walks us through the "why can't I stay on top of the laundry?" scenario with some insights and tips, including a focus on changing the "hate language" around the tasks we put off and release the sense of dread.
"Clutter has energy." We talk with Dr. Li about the power of releasing energy blocks and how it can symbolically and literally make space for the things that feel good.
Don't underestimate the power of creating simple systems for yourself to routinely tackle the tasks you tend to put off. The goal is to "reduce the space between the finish line and yourself."

Declutter your space with Dr. Christine Li in this FREE 5-Day Challenge: https://procrastinationcoach.com/motherplus

WHERE TO FIND US NOW

Connect with Stacey