Matt D’Elia Is Confused

Latest Episodes:

Quarantine USA! (Pt. 7) Apr 08, 2020

Show notes

Another quarantine episode! 7th in a row! Weeeee! Listen as Matt breaks down the coming condom shortage, shares his feelings about what is and what is not proper public etiquette during a time like this, confesses to and addresses the unfortunate fact that his temper is returning amid all this stress and isolation, and tells an epic tale about a dumb disrespectful guy who got on the elevator with him even though he wasn’t wearing a mask— and the price the dumb disrespectful guy paid for doing so. Later in the episode he answers more of your Twitter questions! Weeeeeeee again!

Quarantine USA! (Pt. 6 — Sunday Service!) Apr 05, 2020

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Because it is Sunday (aka The Day Of The Lord) Matt stays on the theme of religion for most of this episode— particularly the Christian community’s response to the present coronavirus pandemic. Topics covered in today’s sermon include but are not limited to: Matt’s unironic love of gospel music, the obvious problem with going to church during a deadly pandemic, the less-obvious problem with the brains of the people who are still going to church despite everyone begging them not to, the real reason some state governments refuse to shut down religious gatherings, and madman pastor Kenneth Copeland’s latest unsuccessful effort to kill COVID-19. Matt also gets into his personal feelings about religion and belief, how those feelings have changed over the years, how he arrived at his current state of mind— and his recent coronavirus-pandemic-induced epiphany on the subject, which has shifted his always-evolving perspective on these matters yet again.

Quarantine USA! (Pt. 5) Apr 02, 2020

Show notes

In Matt’s 5th successive quarantine-themed episode, he gets into a few more pandemic-related topics, from the fun to the not-so-fun: the big dick’d guy in all those ridiculous memes going around right now, the idiotic and harmful politicization of coronavirus, Donald Trump’s most insane tweet yet, why it’s so hard to get concrete information about how to stay safe during this crisis, Bob Dylan’s awful new 17-minute song that QAnon followers believe is for them, the truly strange ‘My Pillow’ guy and all the truly strange shit he’s up to, the problem with believing any one group of people ‘controls the world’— and why ‘Cameo’ needs to change its name to ‘Kaymeo’ ASAP. Later in the episode, he answers more of your questions from Twitter!

Quarantine USA! (Pt. 4 — Sunday Evening / Monday Morning Edition) Mar 30, 2020

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In the fourth installment of this podcast’s ongoing (and possibly never-ending) ‘Quarantine USA!’ series, Matt breaks down and discusses various aspects of the pandemic-induced madness currently on display in the world, including but not limited to: some Christian groups’ insistence on attending church services despite endless warnings not to do so, televangelist Kenneth Copeland’s Sunday sermon in which he claims to ‘destroy COVID-19’, social media posts from wildly out-of-touch famous people (from David Geffen to Kendall Jenner, who Matt mistakenly calls ‘Kyle Jackson’), how our desire for control during times of crisis can lead us to do and say very stupid things, the problem with propagating seemingly prescient predictions from the past, America’s particular strain of ‘eat-the-rich’ sentiment— and much more. Later in the episode, Matt answers more Twitter questions! It’s fun even though everything happening in the world is very depressing! Weeeeeeeeee!

Quarantine USA! (Pt. 3) Mar 25, 2020

Show notes

Most of us are still in self-isolation. Fuck! And it’s not going to end soon. Also fuck! In today’s episode Matt discusses this hard truth and a few others as well, including but not limited to— the darkness on display in Madonna’s tone-deaf COVID-19 bathtub rant, the early signs of our collective lockdown-induced mind-losing, the unbelievably bad advice some politicians and pundits are putting out into the world about how to fend off coronavirus, and why dumb people almost always stay dumb forever. Then Matt goes on to answer questions from Twitter, which are mostly about coronavirus— but there is one question that leads to Matt telling a story that involves his father becoming furious with him and his brother ratting him out.

Quarantine USA! (Pt. 2) Mar 21, 2020

Show notes

In quarantine just like most of his fellow Americans due to the present pandemic, Matt discusses various important coronavirus-related topics, including but not limited to— the hubristic terribleness on display in the ‘Imagine’ cover that went viral (by Gal Gadot & Famous Friends), Sarah Palin’s appearance on ‘The Masked Singer’ (and how in retrospect it was a clear sign of the coming apocalypse), the hidden insidiousness of thinking that ‘everything happens for a reason’ (even pandemics), the only viable solution to the economic hardship we are all experiencing, why it’s best not to make predictions about what the future holds— and how, for many in this time of strange crisis, working from home is changing the meaning of both ‘work’ and ‘home’.

Quarantine USA! Mar 18, 2020

Show notes

Matt goes solo this week to discuss the one thing that’s on everyone’s mind at the moment— the goddamn coronavirus pandemic. He covers a lot, including but not limited to: the conflicting updates we’re constantly getting about the virus, the difficulty some of us have with being alone during this stressful time, the dumbshit morons who are still going to the beach despite the present pandemic, the complete assholes who have been hoarding toilet paper and hand sanitizer, and the awful kid who breathed on Matt’s shopping cart at the supermarket. But most importantly, he gives us the simple advice we all need to get through these quarantine days peacefully, in one piece, and without panicking. Listen now. You have nothing else to do anyway.

Bart Ehrman | Heaven & Hell Mar 11, 2020

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World-renowned New Testament scholar Bart Ehrman is one of Matt’s actual real-life heroes— and somehow that isn’t even his greatest achievement. Bart has written over 30 books, including 6 New York Times Bestsellers, many of which focus on the origins of Christianity, how and why it spread so far and wide, and what Bart calls ‘the historical Jesus’— as in Jesus Christ the man, not Jesus Christ the messiah. Listen as Matt asks Bart everything he’s ever wanted to ask him — from what Jesus was really like, to why people of the time were so ready to adopt the ideas that early Christians were spreading — and Bart takes Matt on an in-depth tour of his upcoming book, ‘Heaven & Hell: A History Of The Afterlife’, which chronicles our collective ideas of heaven and hell, from their infancy (well before the time of Jesus) all the way up to today. Seriously, go on and hit ‘Play’— this one’s fucking biblical, man.

Keith Cooper | The Stars Are Like A Mirror Mar 04, 2020

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Everyone loves to think about aliens, and Matt is no exception. But when it comes to actually KNOWING anything about them— well, no one actually knows shit. So to discuss the possibility of their existence and our search for extraterrestrial life, Matt wanted to talk to an actual expert on the matter— not the guy from ‘Ancient Aliens’ or some other wingnut like him. Enter: science journalist Keith Cooper, editor of ‘Astronomy Now’ and writer of the new book ‘The Contact Paradox: Challenging Our Assumptions In The Search For Extraterrestrial Life’. Listen as Matt and Keith discuss the vastness of space, why it’s so hard to wrap our minds around that vastness, why humans are so fascinated by the cosmos in the first place, the present state of mankind’s search for extraterrestrial life (‘SETI’), what the future of that search might look like, how we should plan on encountering an alien life form if that should ever come to pass, why people insist they’ve encountered aliens when they definitely have not encountered aliens— and ultimately why, when we look at the stars, we are really just looking at ourselves. Also, Matt tells the story of his very first anxiety attack, which was triggered by staring up at the night sky and wondering what the fuck else is out there... if anything.

John Semley | Haterdom Feb 26, 2020

Show notes

Matt has been called many things. One of the things he is most often called is a ‘hater’— a label he fittingly hates. But is it true? And if it IS true, is that necessarily a bad thing? To figure this out, Matt talks to culture critic John Semley, author of a book Matt loves called “Hater: On The Virtues Of Utter Disagreeability”. Matt and John surprisingly and perhaps disappointingly don’t disagree about much, but that allows them to dig deep into what it means to be a hater, what it means to be CALLED a hater, the difference between hating people versus hating the things they make, why modern movie fans get so mad when you criticize a movie they like, why Rotten Tomatoes is so terrible, why film criticism is so dead, why STARSHIP TROOPERS is so good, why JOJO RABBIT is so bad, how corporations eventually co-opt all cool things— and ultimately why being a ‘hater’ is more important than ever in today’s culture of what John calls ‘calcified consensus’. Also, for the very first time, a guest says “fuck you” to Matt. Matt welcomes this, and can’t wait to have John back on the show so he can say it again.

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