Marriage Lab

Latest Episodes:

What to do when your spouse is triggered Jan 14, 2025

Show notes

This episode is the third in a series on being triggered. So what do we do when our spouse is triggered? Well, we certainly don't tell them they're triggered. That never helps. Instead we get to offer our own peace and calm as we approach them with curiosity and compassion. And when we know we won't have that available to give, we use the "pause" that we would've agreed to back when we were both in a regulated state.
Link to Order of Operation Episode

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The Four Typical Triggered Responses Dec 30, 2024

Show notes

Following up the last episode titled, "The Science of 'Triggered'", we talk about what the four most common triggered responses are (Fight, Flight, Freeze & Fawn), what they look like in action and ultimately what growth and healing looks like

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The Science of "Triggered" Dec 27, 2024

Show notes

"Triggered" has become a buzzword in our culture in recent and it's been commonly used to describe an experience for which someone else is responsible and therefore someone else's responsibility to manage.
In this episode, we break down the science of what's happening physiologically when we get triggered and the truth about what we're invited to into when it happens, especially in relationship to our spouses.
Our self-awareness around our own triggered states is the first step to treating the people closest to us like Jesus would: in self-controlled, vulnerable love that is not full of connection-breaking self-protection.

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What You Feed Grows: how our small choices are creating big spiritual transformation Dec 17, 2024

Show notes

In this episode we talk about how our connection with Jesus has grown and been shaped over the past year through small, consistent action.
How to Build a Bible Habit That Sticks! - Video
Crisis of Faith episode - Marriage Lab

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Scientist vs Judge: Curiosity over Contempt Dec 03, 2024

Show notes

In this episode we talk about one of the central tenets to experiencing life-long sustainable change both within yourself and within your relationships: learning to engage your inner scientist instead of your judge. The judge is your inner critic focusing on the results, casting judgement and contempt towards who you are based on your behavior. The scientist is your inner curiosity focusing on the variables, looking for creative solutions for the underlying reasons behind your behavior.
When we learn to choose curiosity over contempt, we find more solutions, but even better, we learn to engage ourselves and others with the kindness that God gives us that leads to sustainable change (Romans 2:4).

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Peaceful holiday plans for couples with different opinions Nov 25, 2024

Show notes

In this episode we talk over how we intentionally plan for a peaceful holiday season when you both have different ideas about what that means. If you would like an assist in your planning grab a copy of Jenna's Peaceful Christmas Planner

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When Logic Turns to Emotion Nov 12, 2024

Show notes

In this episode we discuss how often our logical conversations can turn into emotional ones and what to do when that happens.
Refer to our episode: How to stop fighting over stupid stuff
For the Peaceful Christmas Planner, email zintmarriagelab@gmail.com.

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The Best Way to be Heard by Your Spouse Nov 04, 2024

Show notes

In this episode, we dive deep into the art of sharing pain with vulnerability and compassion. We also address the common challenge of feeling a deficit after sharing and how to turn to the Lord to fill those emotional gaps. This episode is packed with practical exercises and guidance to help you speak your pain effectively while maintaining love and connection in your relationship. Tune in for powerful strategies that can transform how you and your spouse communicate during difficult moments.
Previous episode links:

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The Successful Order of Navigating Conflict Oct 28, 2024

Show notes

How many times has conflict in your marriage led to a huge blow up? One person starts off by trying to share their heart and an hour later you're both left with more hurt than where it started? There's a reason this happens. Most of the time it can be found when the order of operation is broken.
The order of operation in math states that to find the correct answer to an equation, you must know what order to solve it in. When our conflicts go awry, there was likely a break in the proper order which is as follows:
1. One person is the designated speaker (let's say they are the ones holding the proverbial "talking stick"). They share their pain
2. The other person is the designated listener (they are not holding the talking stick). Their sole responsibility is to validate and understand what they speaker is sharing.
3. When the speaker feels heard and understood, then and only then should the talking stick be passed. And it must be passed by the speaker, not taken by the listener.
In this episode we list the ways we commonly break the order of operation and leave the speaker feeling invalidated or unheard. See if you can recognize where you've broken the order so that you can catch it next time.

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Connection for Empty Nesters Oct 21, 2024

Show notes

In this episode, we interview Jill & Mitch Martin who’ve been empty nesters for the past 7 years and what connection has looked like for them before and after their kids left the house.

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