Make Your Damn Bed

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The opinions expressed by Julie Merica and Make Your Damn Bed Podcast are intended for entertainment purposes only. Make Your Damn Bed podcast is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.

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713 || what am i gonna do with my life Jan 31, 2023

Show notes

By checking in with yourself - you can be confident, even in the suffering, that you’re on the right path + doing the best you can.

The idea of “Living up to your full potential” is bull shit. You’re already doing that. The thing is - if you want to “live your best life” “no regrets” this bitch, you’re gonna have to get real with what you actually think would fulfill you in the end.

And remember, there’s simply not enough time to live up to your full potential. So, this really comes down to getting real with what you want right fucking now. Sure, it can be helpful to think about what accomplishments you’d like in your bag, but it’s more beneficial to think about the emotions you’re seeking in all of this. What do you want to feel? Because maybe in two months your world may open up to something else you never imagined and it can create all those

Instead of worrying about if this next job offer is the one or the person you texted has seen your text, put your thoughts into what gives you energy. Put your focus on what fascinates you. What makes you feel like you’re living a full, meaningful life. Use your values, goals, desires, and drive as a compass. Allow those things to guide you.

Quit googling for the next best step, just ask yourself, what is someone who loved themself would do? And move from there until you begin to resonate with that.

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https://sketchyideas.co/arrival-fallacy/

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712 || avoiding the arrival fallacy Jan 30, 2023

Show notes

Ben-Shahar says that often people who experience the arrival fallacy start off unhappy, and reach for a goal that is supposed to cure their sadness. When they find that success doesn’t fix their unhappiness, not only are they disappointed, but may end up feeling hopeless and depressed. Often, the arrival fallacy only makes unhappiness and mental states worse.

RESOURCES: https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-arrival-fallacy-6561079

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711 || what to say to the anxious friend Jan 29, 2023

Show notes

Things to say to someone experiencing anxiety: I love you, I'm here for ya, you can vent to me but you definitely don't have to explain yourself, I understand, this is hard but I believe in you, take all the time you need, it's okay to feel like shit, you're not a burden, you're doing a great job, I'm sorry you're experiencing this shit, it makes sense you feel this way, how can I support you when you feel like this? Can I bring you a meal this weekend? Can I make you a tea? Can I check in again on Friday?

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710 || personal sweet talk Jan 28, 2023

Show notes

Sit for a second, imagine your dream partner looking you in your eyes and telling you allll that shit you wanna hear. Literally what would they say to you and make you feel seen and heard and valued and loved. Now open your eyes look in the mirror and say that shit to yourself.

“One of the best guides to how to be self-loving is to give ourselves the love we are often dreaming about receiving from others. There was a time when I felt lousy about my over-forty body, saw myself as too fat, too this, or too that. Yet I fantasized about finding a lover who would give me the gift of being loved as I am. It is silly, isn't it, that I would dream of someone else offering to me the acceptance and affirmation I was withholding from myself. This was a moment when the maxim "You can never love anybody if you are unable to love yourself" made clear sense. And I add, "Do not expect to receive the love from someone else you do not give yourself.” ― Bell Hooks, All About Love: New Visions

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https://www.clevelandeyeclinic.com/2022/10/05/three-types-of-tears/

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709 || perks of being a crier Jan 27, 2023

Show notes

Perks of being a cry-baby: activates parasympathetic nervous system (chilling us out), releases stress hormones, releases pain duller hormones, helps identify our values, helps us process experiences, restores our emotional equilibrium, can encourage connection.

RESOURCES:https://steptohealth.com/reasons-why-its-good-to-cry/

https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/is-crying-good-for-you-2021030122020

https://www.healthline.com/health/benefits-of-crying#selfsoothing

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This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Get 10% off your first month of online therapy at www.betterhelp.com/makeyourbed

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708 || when your brain gets numb Jan 26, 2023

Show notes

Our brain is designed to make shit easier and easier until it’s no longer taking up much brain power at all.

Our brain loves boredom. Boredom means safety. Safety means ease. Ease means peace. Brains love that shit.

I think it’s normal to get bored with life, but the fact of the matter is - I have access to the beauty of the world in High definition from the comfort of my couch in a few clicks, I can get cuisines of different cultures for just a few bucks, I don’t even have to talk to anyone. I scroll my phone for hours and consume more information than my cute lil brain can even begin to process. So when brain is accustomed to numbing us to the things we see on a regular basis, and we are seeing “everything” on a regular basis - it makes sense we would become numb to everything, as a result.

This isn’t to say you need to detox from everything so you can be overstimulated by the world again, but it is saying - if you’re finding yourself numbed and would prefer a little bit of excitement and motivation once in a while, it may be helpful to

1. Notice when you’re feeling numb and find the magic of whatever you’re doing in the moment.

2. Practice intentional consumption of both media + experiences.

As someone who struggled with depression - a telltale sign of a depressive episode pertained to the fact that I was unimpressed with what life had to offer - but I realize now that becoming numb is a normal response to an overstimulating and intense world.

RESOURCES: https://www.verywellmind.com/how-to-stop-being-a-people-pleaser-5184412

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707 || the people pleaser quiz Jan 25, 2023

Show notes

For me, I still sometimes struggle with the idea of seeing to make sure I am being “useful” in order to be and feel valued. By ensuring others are happy, I can control the energy and environment AND feel like I’m doing important work. Unlearning my fear of not being productive helped me delineate between helping people for altruistic reasons and helping people as a way to avoid potential conflict or uncomfortable energy.

RESOURCES: https://www.verywellmind.com/how-to-stop-being-a-people-pleaser-5184412

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706 || the people pleaser pause Jan 24, 2023

Show notes

The best strategy to ensure I’m not people pleasing and I’m simply “pleasing people” that I’ve found for me is: Forcing myself to take a minute to think before doing pretty much anything. I’m a mover and a shaker. I see a need, I fill a need. I like fixing. But the problem is, I can sometimes commit to things WAY before being ready. Or I can start fixing things that weren’t my issues to fix. Taking a few seconds to really consider if 1. I want to. 2. I can. 3. I should. Has changed the game for me.

RESOURCES: https://www.verywellmind.com/how-to-stop-being-a-people-pleaser-5184412

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This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Get 10% off your first month of online therapy at www.betterhelp.com/makeyourbed

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705 || how to get started Jan 23, 2023

Show notes

some ways to get started: chunk it into smaller segments, start right now (1, 2, 3 method), reward systems, accountability systems, habit stack, dopamine pair, reframe "have to" to "choose to", body doubling (have a friend sit with you), do a "bad" job on purpose.

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