Stay ConnectedLights On with Carl Lentz is exactly what this show is. Carl Lentz is turning on the lights in his own life, & giving people space to do the same. We will lead with vulnerability, & have open conversations to bring light to the inner darkness in our lives.
Turn on the lights with us!
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Have you ever looked at your relationship or your spouse and quietly wondered, did I settle? Most people think settling means picking the wrong person, but it usually means somebody has stopped growing. In this episode of Lights On, we make the case that settling starts in the mirror, not your marriage.
We explore what settling really means, how to avoid it, and how to reignite the spark in your relationship. We discuss the importance of self-growth, curiosity, and novelty in keeping love alive. We also share practical challenges to help you and your partner reconnect and grow together.
Featuring:
Carl Lentz https://instagram.com/carllentz
Laura Lentz https://instagram.com/lauralentz
Chapters:
00:00 - Introduction: Did I Settle? 01:28 - The Danger of Unspoken Thoughts 03:05 - Do Women Settle More Than Men? 04:47 - Have You Stopped Surprising Each Other? 06:28 - Are You Being the Right Person? 07:30 - The 5-to-1 Ratio for a Thriving Relationship 09:03 - The Myth of the Perfect Partner 11:53 - The Importance of Novelty and Shared Goals 13:55 - The Power of Commitment 16:12 - What Settling Really Means 17:27 - Self-Care and its Impact on Your Relationship 21:30 - Did You Settle on You? 24:10 - Why Men Cheat: The Trap of Novelty 26:29 - The Four Horsemen of a Failing Marriage 28:01 - The Power of Micro-Surprises 32:35 - Redefining Intimacy 34:20 - How to Rebuild Intimacy 36:31 - Putting Your Marriage First 39:06 - Challenge 1: Consistent and Concrete Connection 41:21 - Challenge 2: Novelty Exploration
A huge thank you for tuning in to Lights On. We believe that when you grow, your love grows. And when you shrink, love suffocates. Keep your lights on.
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What happens when one of the most influential pastors in America falls from grace? And what does redemption look like on the other side of scandal?
As lead pastor of Hillsong Church NYC, I preached to thousands every Sunday, counseled celebrities and athletes, and became the face of a new generation of church leadership. Then, in November 2020, everything came crashing down.
I was fired from Hillsong Church following revelations of moral failures and breaches of trust. What followed was a media firestorm—tabloid headlines, public shame, and the dismantling of everything I'd built over two decades of ministry. My marriage was on the brink. My reputation was destroyed. My calling was questioned.
But this isn't just a story about a fall. It's a story about what comes after.
In this conversation, I'm sitting down with my wife Laura, and our friends Mike and Natalie Todd from Transformation Church, to talk about everything. The scandal. The restoration process. The accountability. The pain our family endured. The friends who stayed. The critics who won't forgive. And the biggest question: Should I return to ministry?
We're not avoiding the hard questions. We're talking about disqualification, forgiveness, celebrity pastor culture, what real restoration looks like, and whether someone who failed publicly can lead again. This is raw, unfiltered, and honest.
Whether you believe in second chances or think some lines can't be uncrossed, this conversation matters. Because at the end of the day, we all mess up. The question is: what happens next?
—
—
Featuring:
Mike Todd
https://instagram.com/iammiketodd
Natalie Todd
https://instagram.com/natalietodd
Carl Lentz
https://instagram.com/carllentz
Laura Lentz
https://instagram.com/lauralentz
—
Chapters:
00:00 - Introduction: First Time on Stage in 5 Years
04:10 - The Importance of Friends in the Fire
09:03 - The Night Everything Changed
14:30 - Why Mike & Natalie Stepped In When Everyone Else Left
24:20 - Laura Speaks: Walking Through Public Scandal
32:40 - The Biggest Mistakes We Made & What We'd Change
37:10 - How We Rebuilt Our Marriage After Everything Fell Apart
41:25 - The Celebrity Pastor Problem Nobody Talks About
45:30 - Lessons From the Fire: What We Learned in the Darkness
49:15 - Don't Wait Until Everything's Burning Down
52:56 - Be the Church Outside the Building
54:33 - When Friends Saved Mike: The Spit Hit the Fan Story
58:23 - Final Prayer: Friends Who Step Into the Fire
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A huge thank you to Mike and Natalie Todd for creating the space for this conversation.
Their friendship, grace, and willingness to step into the fire with us has been one of the greatest gifts of our lives. This is what real friendship looks like.
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Want to submit questions? Email us at hello@carlandlaura.com!
In this episode of Lights On, Carl and Laura Lentz sit down with 24-year-old Phoebe Enterman, founder of Plana - the app that's quietly solving America's adoption crisis. Moving from Brisbane, Australia to Las Vegas with nothing but conviction, Phoebe reveals the shocking truth: while 2 million couples desperately wait to adopt, less than 1% of unplanned pregnancies result in adoption. She exposes how both Planned Parenthood's structure and the pro-life movement's judgment have failed women who need real help, not politics.
Laura and Phoebe dive deep into the reality facing women with unplanned pregnancies - from the 65% of Christian women who hide pregnancies from their church out of fear, to the Harvard study showing 80% of women reconsider abortion when fathers stay present. They demolish the myth that adoption isn't chosen due to lack of families (there are 36 waiting families for every adoptable infant) and reveal the real problem: women don't know adoption is even an option in the digital age.
From Phoebe's personal story of why her grandmother's teenage pregnancy drives her mission, to Carl's explosive take on Christians who picket abortion clinics but won't pay a single mother's rent, this conversation transcends the tired abortion debate. They unveil how Plana's beautiful, wellness-focused app is replacing crisis-branded shame with actual solutions - connecting women to families, resources, education, and support all in one place.
Warning: This episode challenges both pro-life advocates who stop caring after birth and pro-choice supporters who only offer one choice. If you're more invested in your political stance than actually helping women and babies, this conversation will make you uncomfortable.
Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/ Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/
Supported by Plana - https://plana.org/
CHAPTERS:
00:00 - Opening: Beyond Politics to Real Solutions
04:20 - Meet Phoebe: Why a 24-Year-Old Left Australia for This Mission
08:26 - The Personal Story Behind Plana
12:07 - Carl's "What's Your Name?" Moment on The View
15:36 - Inside an Unplanned Pregnancy: What Women Really Face
22:51 - The Church Problem: 65% Hide in Shame
27:05 - The Adoption Mystery: Less Than 1% When Millions Wait
32:16 - Why Adoption Lost to Better Marketing
38:59 - How Plana Works: The App Tour
43:15 - Planned Parenthood's Business Model vs. Plana's Approach
48:33 - The Father Factor: 80% Reconsider When Men Stay
52:40 - A Call to Churches: Beyond Voting to Action
57:14 - How to Support: The $9 Movement
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When your husband's family enables his affair and makes you the villain, the betrayal cuts twice as deep. In this raw and essential episode, Carl and Laura Lentz tackle one of the most painful questions they've received: what do you do when your in-laws collude with the affair partner, feed them information, and blame you for the infidelity? Drawing from their own experience of distancing from family during recovery and counseling countless couples through ministry betrayal, they reveal why you don't owe anyone access to you during healing, how to take control of your narrative when everyone's telling a different story, and the exact boundaries you need to protect your recovery. Laura opens up about why they separated from Carl's family (not due to collusion, but for space to make decisions without outside opinions), while Carl exposes the insane pressure to control narratives in ministry contexts. They break down the brutal truth: if you're trying to help your in-laws grieve while you're still bleeding from betrayal, you're abandoning yourself. From wives being vilified by their husband's entire family to mothers developing relationships with affair partners, this conversation reveals why collusion is so common in ministry marriages and what to do about it. Plus: why Christian couples should stop being embarrassed about sex therapy, the difference between "fine" and "thrilling" intimacy, and how religious trauma keeps couples from having honest conversations about their sex lives. Whether you're the betrayed spouse dealing with toxic in-laws, trying to figure out if you should cut off family members who enabled infidelity, or wondering how to heal when everyone's against you, this episode gives you permission to disconnect from false narratives and reconnect with who you really are. Warning: This conversation challenges the evangelical pressure to "keep the peace" with family at all costs and may trigger those who've built their identity on being the peacemaker instead of protecting their own healing.
Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/
Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/
CHAPTERS:
00:00:00 - Lights On: Introduction and Birthday Banter
00:02:22 - Sex Therapy for Christian Couples: Breaking the Taboo
00:08:34 - Letters from Our Readers Introduction
00:09:31 - Today's Topics: Family Collusion After Infidelity
00:09:55 - Defining Collusion: What It Means
00:11:05 - Reading the Listener Letter: Mother-in-Law Enabled the Affair
00:13:18 - Laura's Story: Why We Distanced from Carl's Family
00:14:28 - Ministry Betrayal: Narrative Control is Insane
00:19:40 - Step 1: Change Your Position - You Don't Owe Anyone Access
00:20:20 - Forgiveness Does Not Mean Friendship
00:21:14 - Secure Safety First Before Any Reintegration
00:22:39 - Require Full Disclosure, Not Drip Disclosure
00:26:24 - You Get to Define All the Relationships
00:27:18 - Family Boundary Contract with Clear Repair Requirements
00:33:36 - Picking the Right Therapist: Why Betrayal Trauma Specialists Matter
00:35:56 - Step 4: Your Husband Needs to Step Up and Set the Story Straight
00:37:01 - When a Man Gets Married, He Starts His Own Family
00:39:27 - Protecting Your Children: Who Gets to Tell Them What Happened
00:42:16 - Integrity Example: The Phone Call Story
00:43:54 - Disconnecting from False Narratives About Yourself
00:45:15 - Final Thoughts: Take Control Back One Step at a Time
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In this urgent wake-up call, Carl and Laura Lentz expose the silent epidemic destroying modern life: consumption addiction. Drawing from their own dramatic reconstruction after public crisis and counseling countless people stuck in endless scrolling, they reveal why being the last to know current events is actually a power move, how "mental obesity" is filling your mind with garbage you don't need, and why your brain's unemployment is forcing it to find the worst possible jobs. Carl shares why he lost an hour to a Nicholas Cage conspiracy theory and immediately knew something was wrong, while Laura opens up about blocking all consumption just to survive her darkest season. They break down the brutal truth: if you're busy consuming, you're avoiding creating your actual life. From couples escaping each other through ESPN and Pinterest to parents teaching their kids that presence means distraction, this episode exposes why creation is the only path to peace. They reveal the frame that changed everything: remove 30% of what you consume and watch your life transform. Whether you're a Karen policing hiking trails because you have nothing else going on, a virtue signaler who cares about issues for exactly one post, or someone comparing your life to people you don't even like, this conversation reveals why that phone in your hand might be the very thing keeping you stuck. Warning: This episode challenges the cultural addiction to having opinions on everything and may trigger those who've built their entire identity on commentary instead of creation.
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Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/
Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/
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CHAPTERS:
00:00 - The Quiet Revolution: Creation Over Consumption
01:42 - Why We're Always the Last to Know
03:04 - Mental Obesity Is Real
04:45 - Give Your Brain a Job or It Finds the Worst One
08:01 - Sobriety Isn't the Goal, Building Life Is
10:44 - Why Successful People Never Know What's Happening
13:19 - The Orchestra Story: Build Something Undeniable
15:01 - When Your Hands Are Free, Your Mind Fills It
18:29 - 77% of You Are Consuming Passively
21:08 - Identity Shift: Stop Being Who You Observe
24:57 - The IKEA Effect and Creation Reward
27:52 - Three Signs You're Over-Consuming
31:43 - Nobody Doing Better Than You Will Hate You
34:45 - Create Before You Consume Rule
37:27 - The Parent Phone Problem
40:03 - Collaborate With Your Spouse on Something Creative
42:43 - Carl's Rehab Painting Breakdown
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In this crucial episode of Lights On, Carl and Laura Lentz provide a survival guide for women navigating the aftermath of betrayal. Drawing from their reconstruction journey and counseling hundreds of couples, they reveal the six essential steps every betrayed spouse needs to take immediately after discovering infidelity. Laura shares her own early choices - from refusing to weaponize shame despite having every right to, to her intensive identity work at OnSite that revealed she'd lost herself long before the affair. They expose the dangerous trap of trying to police your spouse's recovery while ignoring your own healing, why poorly trained therapists can do more harm than good, and the power move of creating firm boundaries with real consequences. From why separation isn't punishment but protection for your nervous system, to the surprising statistic that shame-based communication cuts reconciliation rates by 50%, this episode is required listening for any woman asking "What now?" after betrayal. Whether you're deciding to stay or go, these six steps ensure you're making that choice from strength, not trauma. Warning: This episode challenges the common advice to "just forgive and move on" and may trigger those invested in remaining victims of their circumstances.
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Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/
Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/
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Supported by God Behind Bars
https://godbehindbars.com
Supported by Plana
https://plana.org/
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CHAPTERS:
00:00 - What Every Betrayed Woman Needs To Know
01:10 - Our Email: hello@carlandlaura.com
03:12 - What She CAN'T Do (Stop Being A Shame Dealer)
05:22 - "Shame Corrodes The Part That Believes We Can Change"
08:06 - Why Shame Cuts Recovery Success By 50%
09:56 - Step 1: Get The RIGHT Therapist (Not All Are Equal)
11:12 - Warning: Bad Therapists Can Make Things Worse
16:45 - God Behind Bars Partnership
17:23 - Step 2: Create Separation For Your Nervous System
19:30 - "Safety Must Precede Intimacy"
22:51 - Step 3: Clear Expectations & Boundaries
27:26 - Step 4: Be Firm On Consequences
33:22 - Step 5: Invite Trusted Eyes & Ears
38:21 - Plana.org Partnership
38:59 - Step 6: Work On Yourself (The Game-Changer)
39:52 - "The Betrayed Partner Rebuilds Identity"
42:30 - Your Action Plan: Tangible Next Steps
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In this raw and essential episode of Lights On, Carl Lentz delivers the uncomfortable truths every man needs to hear after betraying his marriage. Drawing from his own journey through infidelity and the reconstruction of his marriage with Laura, Carl breaks down the exact roadmap that works - and exposes what doesn't. From why you should embrace lie detector tests to the power of having zero secrets, zero private conversations, and zero contact with anyone who threatens your marriage, this episode is a masterclass in accountability. Carl reveals why forgiveness took Laura three years to give (and why he didn't need it to do the work), the 24-hour grace period they instituted for catching lies, and why your response to her triggers determines everything. He shares the canned response that saved him: "I hear you, I'm sorry, I'm not going anywhere." Whether you're dealing with a full disclosure, learning patience proportional to your years of deception, or understanding why "water under the bridge" is permanently off limits, this episode provides the blueprint for men serious about redemption. Warning: This episode will challenge men who want reconciliation without radical transparency and may trigger those still hiding behind privacy in marriage.
Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/
Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/
Supported by God Behind Bars https://godbehindbars.com
Supported by Plana https://plana.org/
Chapters:
00:00 - Intro
00:49 - The Question Every Betrayer Asks
03:18 - What You CAN'T Do (Force, Heal, Convince)
05:44 - You're Not Looking For Forgiveness
08:01 - Laura: "It Took Me 3 Years To Forgive"
09:32 - The Full Disclosure Requirement
12:39 - Step 1: Be Honest About Everything
16:39 - The 24-Hour Grace Period For Lies
19:03 - Step 2: Zero Contact With The Qualifier
22:54 - God Behind Bars Partnership
28:41 - Step 3: No Private Conversations Ever
32:39 - Step 4: Patience With The Past (18-36 Months)
36:27 - Step 5: Extreme Grace When She's Triggered
39:55 - "I Hear You, I'm Sorry, I'm Not Going Anywhere"
42:07 - Plana.org Partnership
42:52 - Step 6: Live With Zero Secrets
49:27 - Why Lie Detectors Are Your Friend
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In this brutally honest episode of Lights On, Carl and Laura Lentz expose the one factor sabotaging most couples' healing from infidelity: alcohol. Drawing from their own reconstruction journey and counseling countless couples through betrayal, they reveal why drinking delays recovery, blocks the exact brain functions needed to rebuild trust, and turns an already burning house into an inferno. Carl shares why he hasn't had a drink in over 2 years after realizing alcohol was filling the same void his addictions once did, while Laura opens up about how drinking amplified her triggers and suspicions. They break down the science: how alcohol reduces frontal lobe function (killing empathy and self-control), activates fight mode in your amygdala (making everything a threat), and blocks oxytocin (the bonding hormone you desperately need). From couples throwing punches after two drinks to the betrayed spouse pouring gasoline on their own fire, this episode exposes why any couple keeping alcohol in the picture struggles significantly more. Whether you're the betrayer numbing guilt or the betrayed drowning pain, this conversation reveals why that glass of wine might be the very thing keeping you stuck. Warning: This episode challenges the cultural norm that alcohol helps you "loosen up" and may trigger those committed to avoiding the real work of healing.
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Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/
Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/
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Supported by God Behind Bars
https://godbehindbars.com
Supported by Plana
https://plana.org/
----
CHAPTERS:
00:00 - Why Alcohol Makes Healing Impossible
03:16 - The Truth: Betrayal Pain Never Fully Goes Away
05:47 - Why Couples Who Drink Struggle MORE
10:15 - Trading One Addiction For Another
14:36 - "I Lost Everything - Don't Take My Wine!"
21:47 - We Found ZERO Studies Showing Alcohol Helps
23:43 - Your Brain On Alcohol: The 3 Effects
24:44 - God Behind Bars Partnership
29:15 - When Drinking Leads To Physical Fights
35:34 - "Sit In Your Sh*t" - Rehab Wisdom
40:08 - "Alcohol Doesn't Help You Feel, It Helps You Rehearse"
43:51 - Plana.org Partnership
49:07 - Laura's Message To Women In Pain
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In this brutally honest episode of Lights On, Carl and Laura Lentz sit down with James Sexton, one of America's most renowned divorce attorneys, for a conversation that could save your marriage. After 25 years representing high-profile divorces, James reveals the three guaranteed ways men destroy their marriages - and why 56% of all marriages end in his office. This isn't your typical relationship advice; it's a masterclass in reverse psychology from someone who's seen thousands of marriages collapse.
James breaks down the death spiral that leads couples from "I do" to "I'm done," the shocking statistic that 86% of divorced people remarry within 5 years, and why most people love their choices more than their children. From the simple act of "seeing" your spouse to the dangerous habit of keeping score, this conversation exposes the patterns that predict divorce with startling accuracy.
Whether you're newlyweds, struggling in your marriage, or simply want to understand what really makes relationships work, this episode delivers hard truths wrapped in hope. Carl and Laura share their own journey through infidelity and recovery, while James provides the roadmap to avoid becoming another statistic.
Warning: This episode contains frank discussions about marriage failure, infidelity, and the kind of honest conversations most couples never have about what it really takes to stay together.
Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/
Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/
Follow James at: https://www.instagram.com/nycdivorcelawyer/
Supported by God Behind Bars - https://godbehindbars.com
Supported by Plana - https://plana.org/
CHAPTERS:
00:00 - INTRO
02:08 - The Shocking Marriage Statistics Nobody Talks About
11:25 - The 3 Marriage Killers Every Couple Does
20:10 - God Behind Bars Partnership
20:47 - Stop Seeing Your Wife: The First Marriage Destroyer
26:41 - Frame Everything Critically: The Communication Killer
34:55 - Keep Score: The Transactional Marriage Trap
40:25 - Plana.org Partnership
41:06 - The Death Spiral: How Marriages Collapse Slowly, Then All at Once
49:23 - When Do You Feel Most Loved? Laura's Answer Will Surprise You
57:38 - Marriage as Ecosystem: Why It's Not About Fairness
1:04:50 - Who Gets Screwed Most in Divorce? The Uncomfortable Truth
1:09:32 - Rolling Your Eyes: The Silent Marriage Killer
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In this powerful episode of Lights On, Carl and Laura Lentz expose the brutal reality of living under constant criticism and reveal the mental framework that saved their sanity. For the first time, they share why they almost didn't start this podcast – paralyzed by fear of opinions – and how one harsh comment from a stranger about their vacation nearly derailed their confidence. Laura opens up about her unshakeable ability to see past cruel comments to the pain behind them, while Carl admits to DMing his haters (and why he stopped). They discuss the shocking science that your brain processes criticism like physical pain, why it takes 5 positive interactions to heal from 1 insult, and the "Access to Influence Filter" that changed everything. From the MLB player who wept on the field after an insult about his deceased mother to JK Rowling's 12 rejections before Harry Potter, this conversation reveals how the wrong feedback can imprison you while the right feedback can launch your destiny. Whether you're drowning in family criticism, paralyzed by social media comments, or trying to protect your kids from a harsh world, this episode offers the exact tools to stay soft-hearted without being destroyed.
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Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/
Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/
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Supported by God Behind Bars
https://godbehindbars.com
Supported by Plana
https://plana.org/
----
CHAPTERS:
00:00 - The Science: Your Brain Treats Criticism Like Physical Pain
06:52 - Why We Almost Didn't Start This Podcast (Fear of Opinions)
10:21 - The Vacation Photo That Triggered 1000 Critics
15:31 - God Behind Bars Partnership
16:08 - "You're Not Soft, You're Human" - The MLB Player Who Broke Down
19:27 - The 5-to-1 Rule: Why Criticism Hits Harder Than Praise
24:15 - Laura's Superpower: Seeing Past Comments to Pain
29:33 - Plana.org: Help for the Unexpected
30:14 - The Access to Influence Filter (5 Questions That Changed Everything)
35:48 - JK Rowling's 12 Rejections & Pharrell's "Happy" Almost Never Happened
40:22 - "Don't Prepare Kids for YOUR Negative World" - The Parenting Truth
45:36 - Why Carl Used to DM His Haters (And What Made Him Stop)
50:18 - Building Boundaries: You Don't Have to Drink Every Opinion Offered
53:41 - The Final Truth: Critics in the Stands vs Players on the Field
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