Stay ConnectedLights On with Carl Lentz is exactly what this show is. Carl Lentz is turning on the lights in his own life, & giving people space to do the same. We will lead with vulnerability, & have open conversations to bring light to the inner darkness in our lives.
Turn on the lights with us!
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Want to submit questions? Email us at hello@carlandlaura.com
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In this solo episode of Lights On, Carl Lentz challenges everything you think you know about New Year's resolutions and personal growth. The secret to a powerfully peaceful year is not doing more. It is doing less.
Drawing from his own experience in rehab, Carl shares the moment a therapist told a room full of successful men one simple instruction. Make your bed. If you cannot do that, book your ticket back. That one idea reveals the truth about keystone habits and why one small thing done consistently raises every area of your life.
Carl delivers three powerful shifts anyone can make right now. Pick one habit to build. Pick one avoidance to embrace. Pick one grievance to release. He unpacks the neuroscience showing that approaching feared things reduces anxiety by 70 percent within days, and why holding bitterness only punishes you while the person you resent has already moved on.
This episode will challenge anyone who believes real change requires a hundred new commitments.
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Follow Carl at https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/
Follow Laura at https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/
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Supported by Plana https://plana.org/
Supported by God Behind Bars https://godbehindbars.com
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In this brutally honest episode of Lights On, Carl Lentz sits down with Blaine Bartell for round two of a conversation that sparked hundreds of messages from pastors in secret crisis. Blaine, a former megachurch pastor who led one of America's largest youth ministries, reveals the unspoken rule destroying leaders from the inside: "Thou shalt not get caught." For the first time, he shares the shocking moment when a well-known pastor looked him in the eye after his exposure and said, "You know what the difference is between you and me? You got caught." They dive deep into a buried Focus on the Family study revealing 68% of pastors struggle with porn, why that number is likely closer to 85% today, and why the church has created a system that disciplines men into secrecy rather than healing. From the identity shift that finally broke his 23-year addiction to why porn is never the real problem, this conversation exposes the epidemic nobody in church will talk about. Whether you're a pastor hiding in plain sight, a man who can't break free no matter how hard you try, or someone who loves a person trapped in secret shame, this episode offers a roadmap to the freedom of having nothing left to hide.
Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/
Follow Blaine at: https://blainebartell.com/
Supported by God Behind Bars - https://godbehindbars.com
Supported by Plana - https://plana.org/
CHAPTERS:
00:00 - INTRO: "Thou Shalt Not Get Caught"
01:08 - Blaine's Story: 23 Years of Secret Addiction Behind Ministry Success
05:10 - Good Friday 2010: The Day Everything Was Exposed
09:50 - "You Got Caught. I Didn't." — What a Megachurch Pastor Told Him
14:52 - The Buried Study: Focus on the Family Found 68% of Pastors Struggle
20:26 - "When We Punish Honesty, We Disciple Secrecy"
23:45 - God Behind Bars Partnership
25:33 - How Jesus Restored Peter: Breakfast, Relationship, Mission
32:54 - Stop Raking Leaves: Why Porn Isn't the Real Problem
36:55 - "I Am a Beloved Son" — The 6 Words That Changed Everything
38:17 - Plana Partnership
41:10 - The New Pornography: DMs, Text Threads, and What Pastors Hide
47:07 - The Greatest Gift: Going to Sleep Without Secrets
56:16 - 4 Steps to Freedom and Sacred Rituals
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Want to submit questions? Email us at hello@carlandlaura.com
In this raw episode of Lights On, Carl Lentz sits down with his 21-year-old daughter Ava for the conversation most dads are too afraid to have. What does my daughter actually need from me? The answer will challenge everything you think you know about strength, protection, and what it actually takes to lead your daughter well.
Drawing from their own journey of rebuilding after public failure, Carl and Ava expose an uncomfortable truth. Your daughter's inner world is far deeper than you realize. And two things can be true at once. A dad can be trying his best AND his daughter can be starving for real connection.
Ava shares what she needed most as a little girl but never said, including the moments Carl's "strength" actually created fear instead of safety. Carl delivers the perspective most dads never hear. What it is actually like to let your daughter see you broken, and why that vulnerability became the foundation of their relationship today.
From the power of the words that follow "you are" to why your best parenting will feel like friction in the moment, to the question every dad should ask his daughter, this episode delivers practical truths for fathers who want to stop performing and start connecting.
This episode will challenge any dad who believes he needs to have it all figured out.
Follow Carl at https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/
Follow Ava at https://www.instagram.com/avaangellentz/
Supported by Plana https://plana.org/ Supported by God Behind Bars https://godbehindbars.com
CHAPTERS
00:00 The Conversation Most Dads Avoid
02:40 This Is Not Pressure It Is Presence
05:18 What Ava Needed Most As A Little Girl
10:07 Why Vulnerability Made Them Closer
14:37 God Behind Bars Partnership
16:02 The Worst Advice Dads Receive
19:26 Your Words Become Her Inner Voice
22:00 The Dad Mistake That Creates Fear Not Safety
25:00 When Trust Is Crushed Daughters Need Honesty
29:50 Confrontation Is Not The Enemy Of Connection
31:01 Truth 1 Her Inner World Is Deeper Than You Know
34:24 Plana Partnership
36:22 Truth 2 Your Best Parenting Feels Like Friction
38:59 Truth 3 Humanity Strengthens Leadership
43:26 Truth 4 The Power Of You Are
45:07 Truth 5 Legacy Should Always Be Growing
46:59 What Daughters Wish Their Dads Would Ask
49:49 Final Words For Dads Ready To Lead Differently
54:06 Whatever You Avoid Controls You
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In this raw episode of Lights On, Carl and Laura Lentz tackle the conversation most couples recovering from betrayal are too afraid to have. What do we do about sex? The answer will challenge everything you think you know about protection, connection, and what it actually takes to rebuild.
Drawing from five years of rebuilding their own marriage, Carl and Laura expose an uncomfortable truth. Intimacy is not a reward system. It is a connection system. And two things can be true at once. A betrayed wife can be protecting herself AND the relationship can be starving for connection.
Laura shares why she chose to pursue intimacy with Carl despite the trauma, including the moment she shook so badly he had to leave the room. Carl delivers the perspective most men never hear. What it is actually like to rebuild your sexuality without any hope of intimacy at home, and why white-knuckling is not recovery.
From the Gottman framework of Atone, Attune, Attach, to the 5-level ladder for rebuilding physical connection, to why compliance is not intimacy and consent is, this episode delivers practical frameworks for couples who want to stop avoiding the hardest conversation in recovery.
This episode will challenge any couple who believes removing intimacy has no cost.
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Follow Carl at https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/
Follow Laura at https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/
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Supported by Plana https://plana.org/
Supported by God Behind Bars https://godbehindbars.com
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CHAPTERS
00:00 The Conversation Betrayed Couples Avoid
02:40 This Is Not Pressure It Is Options
05:18 What Recovery Actually Looks Like For The Man
10:07 Why Laura Chose Intimacy Despite The Trauma
14:37 God Behind Bars Partnership
16:02 The Worst Christian Advice Women Receive
19:26 The Science Of Bonding Stress And Well-Being
22:00 The Best Way To Stop Fighting
25:00 When Trust Is Crushed Couples Need Reconnection
29:50 Healthy Sex Is Not A Replacement For Recovery
31:01 The Gottman Framework Atone Attune Attach
34:24 Plana Partnership
36:22 Attunement Tuning The Guitar Before You Play
38:59 Non-Sexual Affection And The 5 Levels
43:26 Relearning Touch With No Goal And No Pressure
45:07 Erotic Connection Only When Both Can Say Yes
46:59 Weapon Reward Or Reconnection Which Are You Using
49:49 Final Reminders For Couples Rebuilding
54:06 Whatever You Avoid Controls You
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In this raw episode of Lights On, Carl and Laura Lentz tackle the question every couple secretly asks during the holidays: "Is this hard because we're healing—or hard because something is broken?" The answer will challenge everything you think you know about keeping the peace in your marriage.
Drawing from five years of rebuilding their own marriage, Carl and Laura expose an uncomfortable truth: the betrayed who obsesses and the betrayer who avoids are both destroying the peace faster than the affair ever could.
Laura shares why she had to stop being the "peace keeper" in her marriage and become a "clarity seeker"—even when it was messy. Carl delivers the challenge most men avoid: If you want your wife to trust you again, stop waiting for her to calm down before you get honest. An honest man tells on himself.
From the difference between "clearing things up" and "letting things go," to why resentment accumulation destroys more marriages than the original betrayal, to their personal story of surviving Carl's rehab during Christmas with three kids—this episode delivers practical frameworks you can use today.
This episode will challenge any couple who believes avoiding hard conversations is how you keep the peace.
Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/
Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/
Supported by Plana https://plana.org/
Supported by God Behind Bars https://godbehindbars.com
CHAPTERS:
00:00 - If You Dread The Holidays, This Is For You
01:57 - The Stats: 64% Depression Increase + 300% Conflict Amplification
04:32 - Carl In Rehab On Christmas: How We Survived
08:24 - The "Keep The Peace" Trap
11:33 - Peace Is NOT The Absence Of Conflict
14:53 - The 24-Hour Repair Rule (The #1 Marriage Predictor)
18:28 - Clear Some Things Up: The Framework
22:16 - Repair Attempts Within 24 Hours
25:02 - Vulnerable Ownership Lowers Defenses In 90 Seconds
28:09 - How To Bring Up An Issue Without Attacking
31:44 - Plana Partnership
32:10 - Clear Up The Rules Of Engagement
34:43 - The Power Of Short Accounts
38:59 - Let Some Things Go: Celebrating What Annoys You
40:14 - Laura's 4 Annoying Things About Carl
44:00 - Carl's 5 Annoying Things About Laura
49:07 - What Can You Let Go Of Today?
53:16 - Final Questions Before The Holidays End
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I visited Angola Prison, one of America's largest maximum security facilities, and what I witnessed broke me in the best way possible. This is Yogi. He's serving 65 years. He might be the freest man I've ever met.
I went with my friend Jake Bodin from God Behind Bars to experience the first-ever daddy-daughter dance inside a maximum security prison. Men serving 40 years to life, some who hadn't hugged their daughters in decades, slow dancing with their little girls.
I wasn't ready.
We walked through death row. We talked to men who will never leave. And what I found wasn't despair. It was faith, peace, and freedom I've rarely seen outside these walls.
Yogi got denied parole after doing everything right for 25 years. His response? "Maybe it's for one more."
One more person to reach. One more life to change.
This episode will challenge how you think about freedom, faith, gratitude, and what it really means to be stuck.
Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/
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// SUPPORT GOD BEHIND BARS: https://godbehindbarsnow.com
__
🙏 PRAY FOR YOGI
He's been incarcerated for 25 years and leads men spiritually every single day at Angola. Add him to your prayer list.
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In this raw episode of Lights On, Carl and Laura Lentz tackle the question every couple secretly asks after betrayal: "Is this hard because we're healing—or hard because something is broken?" The answer will challenge everything you think you know about recovery.
Drawing from five years of rebuilding their own marriage, Carl and Laura expose an uncomfortable truth: the betrayed wife often has to work harder than the husband who cheated. Not because it's fair—it's absolutely not—but because staying stuck in suspicion will destroy you faster than the affair ever could.
Laura shares why she had to stop being the "police officer" in her marriage and become a "peaceful observer of change." Carl delivers the challenge most men avoid: if you want your wife to trust you again, stop waiting for her to ask the right questions. An honest man tells on himself.
From the difference between "spotlight work" and "shadow work," to why demanding honesty when you can't handle the answers creates a dangerous cycle, this episode delivers practical frameworks you can use today.
This episode will challenge any betrayed spouse who believes healing is the cheater's job alone.
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Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/
Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/
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Supported by Plana
https://plana.org/
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## CHAPTERS:
00:00 - Is This The Right Kind of Hard?
05:33 - The "You Cheated" Trump Card
09:49 - Why This Takes Constant Work
13:04 - Spotlight Work vs Shadow Work
20:21 - The Betrayed Wife Has To Work Too
27:21 - Police Officer vs Peace Observer
38:59 - Plana Partnership
39:54 - What An Honest Man Will Tell You
51:22 - Patterns Over Promises
55:47 - The Right Kind of Difficult
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In this urgent conversation, Carl and Laura Lentz tackle an email that made them immediately stop everything and record: a woman whose husband has had over 200+ sexual encounters with prostitutes, massage parlors, and emotional affairs—yet he's calling HER controlling for asking him to stop chatting with younger women at the gym. Drawing from their own five years of rebuilding trust after infidelity, they expose the dangerous pattern that destroys second chances: the betrayer who refuses to see what's obvious. Carl reveals why any man who's broken his marriage vows cannot ask anything "outrageous" from his wife ("You could ask me to build a papier-mâché dragon and I'm doing it"), while Laura opens up about the exhausting reality of being told you're crazy when your intuition was right all along. They demolish the myth that boundaries after betrayal are "controlling" when the brutal truth is: if you cheated, you created this—every single boundary she asks for is sacred, not crazy. From why "I'm just being friendly" is the most dangerous phrase a cheating husband can say, to the therapist who tricked Carl into humility by making him assume everything he heard was right for one week, this episode validates every betrayed partner who's been gaslit into thinking their needs are unreasonable. They reveal why the betrayed person gets to be "selfish" for a season (and why that season might be 10 years), how tolerance is conditioned over time starting way before marriage, and why Carl still reports when there's a woman receptionist at his doctor's office five years later. The frame that changes everything: You can't rebuild trust while the behaviors that broke it are still being defended. And if you're the one who cheated and you're sitting there thinking "but she's being unreasonable" while defending your right to talk to other women, this conversation exposes why you're not ready to change and what that means for your marriage. Warning: This episode will challenge men who think they've apologized enough and may trigger those who've weaponized the word "controlling" to avoid accountability for their betrayal.
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Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/
Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/
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CHAPTERS:
00:00 - Urgent Pod: The Email That Made Us Record Immediately
03:33 - 200+ Affairs And He Says She's Being Ridiculous
07:16 - Nothing You're Asked Is Outrageous After Betrayal
11:48 - You Created This Pattern Over Hundreds Of Decisions
15:00 - The Receptionist Story: Why Carl Still Reports Everything
17:09 - You Can't Rebuild Trust While Defending Old Behaviors
22:00 - "I'm Just Being Friendly" Is Feeding An Old System
27:40 - Controlling vs. Protecting: How To Know The Difference
32:14 - Shaming vs. Setting Boundaries: The Dignity Question
36:07 - What You Tolerate: Trauma, Fear, And Fatigue
40:43 - What Pattern Of Mine Keeps Me Stuck In Their Pattern?
43:19 - The College Boyfriend Story: How Tolerance Gets Conditioned
45:40 - If Love Costs You Peace, Is It Love?
47:21 - The Question Every Husband Should Ask About Boundaries
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At 47 years old and 23 years into marriage, Carl and Laura Lentz drop the most uncomfortable truth about relationships: your marriage doesn't need more love, it needs more PROOF. After surviving public infidelity that should have ended everything (200+ affairs, strip clubs, massage parlors), they expose the lie you're living: that talking about your marriage mattering is the same as proving it matters.
Carl gets brutally honest: "If I looked at your phone, your calendar, your actual schedule—would it prove your marriage is your priority? Or would it prove you're full of shit?" Laura reveals how she literally set three daily phone reminders to text Carl encouragement because her brain was so rewired by betrayal that thinking positive thoughts about him required literal alarms. Consistency compounds connection. What you feed grows. And your spouse is getting the leftovers after everyone else gets your best.
They reveal three investments that build marriage safety: your healthiest thoughts (stop thinking ABOUT your spouse, start thinking FOR them), your most intentional time (your schedule is a receipt showing what you actually value), and yourself (you can't give what you don't have). Carl starts every morning thinking "What does my beautiful wife need today?" before checking his phone. Laura's lock screen says "My husband is obsessed with me" to rewire her traumatized brain. Their non-negotiable 6:30pm walk: 10 minutes her, 10 minutes him, no phones.
The confrontation that will expose you: "What's your most dominant thought about your marriage?" Not what you say in therapy, the actual thought loop running 24/7. Because as Carl learned: "My dominant thought for years was 'I've messed this up and it's matter of time before it explodes.' I got exactly what I thought."
The truth nobody wants to hear: You didn't "fall out of love." You stopped choosing to invest. You didn't "grow apart." You fed different things. Warning: This episode will challenge the dad using "I'm too busy" as an excuse and the mom using "I'm too selfless" as a shield for staying stuck.
Seven-day challenge Carl guarantees will transform your marriage: Every morning for seven days, choose one generous thought about your spouse and do one small action from that thought. Small investments made consistently build a foundation nothing can touch.
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Follow Carl: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/
Follow Laura: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/
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CHAPTERS:
00:00 - 47 Years Old: What We're Convinced About
05:12 - Investment #1: Your Healthiest Thoughts
12:35 - Laura's Daily Text Reminders
17:29 - What's Your Most Dominant Thought?
24:16 - Investment #2: Your Most Intentional Time
30:45 - You Didn't Fall Out of Love
36:08 - Investment #3: Invest in Yourself
41:52 - Why Moms Must Put Themselves First
47:33 - Seven-Day Challenge: Be the Solution
52:14 - Outpace Each Other to Change
55:40 - Proof Not Ideas: Show Me Your Schedule
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In this honest conversation, Carl and Laura Lentz rip open the facade of "perfect marriages" to expose the unspoken epidemic: couples who love each other but can't stand being in the same room. Drawing from their own marriage reconstruction after losing everything publicly, they reveal why "liking" your spouse is actually harder—and more important—than loving them.
Carl shares the moment five years ago when Laura looked him in the eye and said "I hate you right now," while Laura opens up about how they went from tit-for-tat scorekeeping to becoming best friends who can't wait to get home to each other. They expose the comfortable lie that love alone keeps marriages together, when the brutal truth is: without "like," you're just roommates with rings.
From the Ben Franklin marriage hack that rewires your brain to like your spouse again, to why Carl leaves hats scattered across the house like breadcrumbs and Laura just stopped caring, this episode demolishes the Instagram marriage fantasy. They reveal why successful couples make "reasonable concessions" (translation: accepting your spouse's annoying traits because you actually like them), how doing favors for someone literally changes your brain chemistry to like them more, and why Carl starts every single day texting Laura before checking anything else.
The frame that changed everything: Love is a commitment you make once. Like is a choice you make daily. And if you're sitting there thinking "I love my spouse but..." while your partner's jokes don't make you laugh anymore and their presence feels like work, this conversation reveals the exact path back to actually enjoying the person you're building a life with.
Warning: This episode will challenge couples who've accepted mediocrity as "just how marriage is" and may trigger those who use love as an excuse to avoid the harder work of actually liking their spouse.
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Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/
Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/
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CHAPTERS:
00:00 - "I Love You But I Don't Like You Right Now"
00:27 - Love Is Easy, Like Takes Work
01:14 - You Can't Fall Out of Love (You Just Stopped Thinking)
02:26 - The Week Everything Fell Apart
03:29 - Why Liking Each Other Saved Our Marriage
04:04 - From Fault-Finding to Beauty-Finding Glasses
10:00 - We're A Team: The Gift of Different Strengths
13:01 - Making Reasonable Concessions (Carl's Hat Trail)
16:49 - The Ben Franklin Marriage Hack
19:56 - Our Actions Shape Our Feelings
21:00 - Do Nice Things to Like Them (Not the Other Way Around)
23:02 - Laura's Text Reminders to Encourage Carl
25:03 - Carl's Daily Morning Text Ritual
26:20 - What Have I Done For Her Lately?
27:01 - Compassionate Curiosity Builds Connection
28:02 - Rupture, Repair, Build Cycle
30:38 - The Like Is What Makes Marriage Fun
31:43 - What Might I Discover About You Today?
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