Kagro in the Morning

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Kagro in the Morning - August 6, 2026 Aug 06, 2026

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David Waldman brings us to Thursday, by more or less being at the right place at the right time. The Senate has been busy, finalizing a stopgap funding bill to move the shutdown to hopefully a different Senate. They also launched an entire network of fake news and have only begun to hassle Dr. Anthony S. (Science!) Fauci. Greg Dworkin rolled up his sleeve and reached deep into a slimy cyclosporiatic orifice of ex-Twitter and pulled out some fresh polls for you. They're oh so tasty and probably won't make you sick later. Also, some Poindexter is suddenly ahead of Max Miller in Ohio, which is good, as Miller sucks. Remember, vote BLUE no matter… who now? Abdul El-Sayed? Abdulrahman Mohamed El-Sayed? Well… good thing we live in a post-racial... we don't? Oh well, that name thing sure worked against Amir Hassan, who was backed by Donald Woke Trump. Today, the words "El-Sayed" pleasantly roll off the tongue of lots of happy Democrats, and many disgruntled ones too… who all need to pull it together now to make this happen. Will he win? El-Sayed is pulling his weight, let's see his support. What's in a name? Ask Elaine Luria. No, Elise Stefanik… No, Elissa Slotkin. She's the young up and coming… down and going establishment Dem, right? Now Ronald Lauder. That name used to mean something. But now that he's no longer writing it on checks, who cares? Sean Duffy, like his boss, understands that in the media production biz, getting and spending money is the best part of the creative process. Releasing a product only invites criticism, and who needs that? A few months back, Border Patrol stormtroopers shooting their laser guns into the air were able to hit a kid's party balloon yet were able to rack up more fatalities jamming the GPS of a medevac aircraft. More recently, Marine One lifted off without proper permission but luckily did not need to shoot down any passenger jets in order to do so.

Kagro in the Morning - August 5, 2026 Aug 05, 2026

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David Waldman and Greg Dworkin team up to fight the forces of injustice, chaos, and general stupidity. Has Jeanine Pirro been sent to the bottom of the Donald K. Trump Kafka Khaki reflecting pool yet? Jeanine might have bought herself some time by literally carting over evidence to force the old man to look at before it's shipped to some undisclosed bathroom. Democratic voters are tired of focus-group establishment Dems, and moderate Dems are already tired of crazy progressives. And yet, temporarily arrayed, they could be quite powerful heading into the midterms. Of course, they are blessed with Trump. His usefulness as an idiot is waning with even the Gops, and you don't need to tell independents twice to stampede in a new direction. In Michigan, Abdul El-Sayed outperformed his name, and the establishment, to win his primary. Trump's candidate lost to a guy that stopped campaigning weeks ago. Missouri usually isn't too big on Democrats, but they still prefer democracy. The Kansas Supreme Court would look nice in DC. Texas also embraces voting and rejects phony voter fraud voting suppression. Not that election denialists are going anywhere soon. In fact, some are completely refusing to leave. Republicans are beginning to think that God is rigged against them. Climate has changed to the degree that the Danube River has receded back to the time when wooly mammoths and Nazi soldiers roamed the earth, leaving live ordnance in their wake. Donald was sad to hear kindred soul Max Miller must bear such vicious accusations, but such is the burden great men carry.

Kagro in the Morning - August 4, 2026 Aug 04, 2026

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More primaries! David Waldman weaves a new KITM ahead of post-primary Wednesday. What's the worst thing Trump can do in the midterms? Well, if Mike Pence has the courage… Why did 50-60,000 refugees attempt to cross into Spanish-held Ceuta all at once? Were they a fake migrant caravan weaponized flashmob manipulated by the far-right? It's uncertain, but MAGA's taking notes, and probably wishes ICE left enough Haitians in Springfield to try it. When some aim high, a Texas Gop candidate aims low.

Kagro in the Morning - August 3, 2026 Aug 03, 2026

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David Waldman and Greg Dworkin take on a new day, week, month, and the same old chaos. Donald K. Trump won his 43rd club championship at one of his courses. It's called TALENT, and money. You know Donald. Always bullshitting. You know he is, he knows he is. Leave it there, you're cool, but call Trump on it and you have a fight. Because, admitting he's wrong just isn't part of the game… and not playing along can lose you a job, send you to prison, or worse. Capital One was playing along, but Trump wouldn't walk away, could not shut up, and Capital One quit playing. It made absolutely no difference if Todd Blanche formally rescinded Trump's J6 slush fund, which is why Blanche did it. Gops are playing along with that, but Trump doesn't play along with anybody's bullshit but his own. Dems are strongly favored to take the House, and maybe the Senate. Abdul El-Sayed's name might not be enough to keep voters from scratching in the bubble next to it. Low-turnout voters might not turn out. Indecisive Democrats aren't sure what to do. Gop staff is filling up with young Groypers. The Evangelical Church is filled people who are Christian as an afterthought.

Kagro in the Morning - July 31, 2026 Jul 31, 2026

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You say "Friday news dump" like it's a bad thing? Not when it's David Waldman and KITM! When Donald K. Trump isn't grifting money, extorting money or panhandling for money, he's stiffing people for money. You can't buy that sort of focused dedication. Todd Blanche could be attorney general today if he'd only pinky promise to never ever implement Trump's $1.8 billion slush fund/slop trough for fellow right-wing swine. At least the slush fund pretended to be a cap. AI companies are the central pillar of the economy, but they are trying to hide a staggering amount of debt. So, when one of their super-genius wunderbros dropped his $45 billion into the toilet, his toilet got immediately bailed out by his AI billionaire brethren. Bailing out their Titanic one stateroom at a time at the moment remains a brilliant idea. I In an idiocracy, not everyone needs to be an idiot, just the ones in control. The United States government map of Africa on display at a global conference was apparently designed without reference material not supplied by Toto. Trump busted Tina Peters out of the pen, she's already paying him back. Biological warfare enters Trump's war with Iran, as usual it's a self-own.

Kagro in the Morning - July 30, 2026 Jul 30, 2026

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David Waldman has the news! Greg Dworkin has the polls! Voters disprove of Donald K. Trump. Let us count the ways: Lowest approval of either term. Low on his war. Low on his economy. Lowest for independents. Low on white, non-college, males. Trump doesn't have a problem with any of that, but midterm voters seem to care a lot, as just about everyone's polling is tilting left. Of course, the election isn't today, there's plenty of dummies out there, and even Barack Obama can't set them all straight. Meanwhile, Dems like Matt Schultz can't find the money to run against Gops like The Master's Academy alum Nick Begich III. Then there's those Progressives, or Democratic Socialists, or whatever they are calling themselves today, out there disarraying everything, protesting all their data centers and flock cameras… Hippies! If a guy named Abdul El-Sayed can run for Senate, times might be changing… or might not. Maybe they can't figure out the ballot. Ohioans around Springfield can't wait to move into those sweet big Haitian houses and high-pay Haitian jobs that were stolen from them. In the meantime, their old neighbors and friends will just have to die. Either Secret Service professionals actually determined that James Comey planned a hit on Trump, or they just felt like hassling him. Most start measuring the drapes before they get to DC. Trump can't stop. Donald wants to show off his latest several billion-dollar pretty thing he created, you know, the same way bosses always "create" things. It will have the WORLD'S LARGEST GARAGE, and eliminate "mobile lounges", no doubt because their update would have been electric.

Kagro in the Morning - July 29, 2026 Jul 29, 2026

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David Waldman helps haul in Greg Dworkin's usual Raft O' Stories™, which was light on primaries, but had Plenty O' Polls™! More people like Donald K. Trump less than ever! The fact is, most Americans don't approve of awful people. Most Democrats are not awful people, so this might work in their favor for the midterms, if they can fight their natural urge to disarray. The 2028 Democratic primary calendar favors progressives. Progressives are turning away from establishment media. Democratic voters are turning away from establishment candidates. Francesca Hong seems nice, and smart, and progressive, which seems like a good combo this year. James Talarico is all of those things, plus a few more, and Ken Paxton is none of them. Troy Jackson has, well, a couple of those attributes, which might just be enough. Abdul El-Sayed does not have Troy Jackson's nor James Talarico's name. Ohio does not have all of its marbles, but who knows this year… Everybody is NIMBYing away from data centers, so Trump will probably mandate them for blue states. Trump wants his Supreme Court to overturn his E. Jean Carroll settlement, as it says right in the Constitution that presidents cannot lose lawsuits. Trump has been too busy presidentially thumbing through material swatches for his Dulles International Airport makeover, which just might be the best use of his time.

Kagro in the Morning - July 28, 2026 Jul 28, 2026

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David Waldman delivers a very Tuesday KITM. 100,000 Flock cameras are watching you, soon to join cameras inside your car to track, monitor, and interpret your every movement, everywhere you go. We all know that if you cooperate with authorities, you won't get hurt. However, some still object to being Flocked without consent, leading those people into rebellious acts against societal norms and authority, symbolizing their struggle for freedom… or they at least become a little more creative in their loafing. Knowingly choosing to violate laws disagreed with works out really well for friends of Trump. Good news also for mentally unstable pranksters. Swatting politicians, especially a gay father like Pete Buttigieg, turns out to be shockingly easy. Florida Senator Ashley Moody has been in the Senate only 18 months and has already funneled millions of dollars through a nonprofit into PACs, an achievement previously only dreamed of by Republicans accusing Tim Walz of doing the same.

Kagro in the Morning - July 27, 2026 Jul 27, 2026

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David Waldman and Greg Dworkin are here to summarize the chaos of the weekend. I, in turn, summarize that into this tiny nutritious pellet for your consumption. The worst thing about White House Correspondents Dinner is that they feel that they have to keep telling us about it. The only news ever is its chronic persistence. The White House press corps could have stood up, but they came to sit down. Donald K. Trump told jokes, explained the jokes, then posted AI explainers of the jokes and the hilarity feels like it just might never stop. Laura Loomer is not Lauren Boebert, Anna Paulina Luna, or even Sid Rosenberg, but if she read it the internet, she would believe it. Once decided, Laura changes her mind less often than Donald changes his diaper, so it's a shock to see her come out for Ukraine. Tim Pool also flips on Ukraine. Must be something in the water. Bold and brilliant military strategists Donald and Pete ran out of ammunition and requested a time out. Pete Hegseth gets rid of generals faster than Vladimir Putin. Generic Dems lead, and Gop enthusiasms are gone, but as the midterms near it is expected that Republicans will be trying to destroy the elections and Democrats will try to destroy themselves. Their enemy, as always, are Progressives. Senate Gop candidate Mike Rogers is rooting for Abdul El-Sayed for a number of reasons, most of them obvious. The thing is, Black voters are also against El-Sayed. Maine has put the recent unpleasantness behind them and are now ready to decide the future of progressive populism for all mankind. The real enemy, as always, are political consultants. Political consultants want to make the past great again. California's primary vote count might have been slow, but 150 thousand voters were slower. People like voting by mail, though. Brazil worries about Trump rigging their elections. Blue state Minnesota burns because DOGE told them to "drop dead". People that Elon Musk doesn't think about simply do not exist… which sure gives you a clear idea of the future of "Universal Basic Income", doesn't it?

Kagro in the Morning - July 24, 2026 Jul 24, 2026

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David Waldman empties his Pocket, Instapaper, and various messaging apps into today's KITM. Donald K. Trump sharpied out four casualties to his Iran War because everyone knows that deaths don't count when you are on a break. The Keystone DOJ took another pie to the face and will drop their subpoenas against New York Times journalists over their Air Force One reporting. John Solomon's plans to overthrow government for Trump are going badly, which does not mean that they will stop trying or that they will fail. Lindsey Graham died, and Trump grieved over his beautiful lost leverage. Darline Graham seems to have a mind of her own, but they used to say that about her brother, too. Chairman of the Federal Reserve Kevin Warsh picked up a $100 Million starting bonus to guarantee that he remains completely more impartial for some over others. In the latest Boosie Badazz news, the pair that conned Boosie (and others), Jack Burkman and Jacob Wohl, have now signed on a new dupe. Jim Jordan accused Jack Smith of lying. No joke, that's the headline.

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