It’s Not About the Alcohol

Would you like to reduce your alcohol consumption by about 80 percent? Become the version of you who can just “take it or leave it” so that you can enjoy drinking socially without relying on alcohol to manage your stress, anxiety, loneliness and boredom when you’re by yourself?

Most high achieving women assume over-drinking is caused by a lack of willpower–or worse, the incurable disease of “alcoholism.” So they beat themselves up and avoid asking for help because they feel ashamed and out of control.

Whether you’re a daily drinker who can’t break the habit, or you’re still going to sobriety meetings even though you don’t drink anymore, the real problem is that you don’t trust yourself.

Which means it’s not about the alcohol. It’s about your relationship with yourself.

Colleen Freeland is a a mindful drinking coach helping professional women learn how drinking less (or not at all) is actually a superpower, even when the idea of giving up the only thing that helps them quiet their mind feels impossible.

The solution to alcohol use disorder is a FEELING. If you felt comfortable in your own skin and at ease in your life, you would drink like someone who is comfortable and at ease!

Join me each week for holistic, evidence-based strategies to fix your dopamine deficit, regulate your nervous system, cure imposter syndrome, manage sugar cravings, improve your sleep and reclaim your mental health so you no longer have the urge to escape your own body.

Get happy, not sober. Because happy people don’t drink themselves into a stupor.

Latest Episodes:

EP167 Minisode: Radical change is 1 percent improvement Jan 30, 2025

Show notes

In this episode, Colleen shares a powerful mindset shift inspired by James Clear's philosophy: meaningful change doesn't require radical transformation. Instead, it's about embracing a process of incremental improvement, rooted in changing your identity and self-perception. Colleen explains why the first step to sustainable change is redefining how you think about yourself and the process of change itself, while introducing the 1% Rule to help you measure and celebrate progress.

Key Takeaways:

The Problem with All-or-Nothing Thinking:
- As high achievers and perfectionists, we often set lofty, unsustainable goals that lead to burnout and self-criticism.
- Shame-based motivation might work temporarily but isn't sustainable—it fades as you start to feel better.
Identity-Based Change:
- Real change happens when you focus on becoming the person who naturally embodies the habits and behaviors you desire.
- Instead of focusing on perfect actions, focus on who you want to become and how she thinks, feels, and behaves.
Change Is a Process, Not a Decision:
- Progress is about practicing being the person you want to become and allowing setbacks to teach you.
- Success comes from patience, learning, and steady forward momentum, not from expecting perfection overnight.
The 1% Rule:
- Measure progress in 1% increments. Focus on small, daily wins that compound over time.
- Examples of small improvements: catching old thought patterns sooner, reducing the intensity of emotional reactions, or noticing a decrease in urges and temptations.

Action Steps:

Reframe Change as a Practice: Visualize the version of yourself who already embodies the habits and mindset you want. Practice showing up as her in small, meaningful ways each day.
Focus on 1% Progress: Celebrate even the smallest improvements. Over time, these incremental gains lead to exponential growth.
Learn from Setbacks: View failures as opportunities to learn and reinforce your motivation rather than signs of defeat.
Embrace Identity-Based Thinking: Shift your internal narrative to align with the person you want to become, rather than focusing on what you think you "should" be doing.

Homework: Spend a few moments today connecting with the version of yourself who is clear, confident, and aligned with your goals. Identify one area where you can improve by just 1% and commit to it. At the end of the day, reflect on what went well and what you learned from the process.

Click here to BOOK A DISCOVERY CALL. If you're ready to fully commit to your personal growth and do the work to get emotionally sober (side effects include an 80 percent reduction in drinking),You'll walk away from our call with a clear understanding of how to get the skills you need to transform your life.

Do you want help from Colleen with a situation you're struggling with? Click here to submit your question for Colleen's NEW Q& A episodes. Your name will not be mentioned on air!

—Want daily updates from me? Find me on TikTok @hangoverwhisperer and IG @thehangoverwhisperer

—Click here to TAKE THE QUIZ: Do you have a drinking problem or a thinking problem?

EP166 Four reasons you should stop trying to quit drinking Jan 28, 2025

Show notes

Have you noticed that the more you try to control your drinking, the harder it feels to control?

It's assumed that the only way to prevent over-drinking is no-drinking. If you can't stop once you start, don't start.

But science shows that people who identify as "sober alcoholics" are much more likely to relapse into binge drinking. Because they identify as diseased or damaged all-or-nothing people.

And sobriety is the "nothing" in the all-or-nothing cycle.

Alcohol use disorder isn't a drinking problem, it's a thinking problem. Which makes it a mental health issue. The story you're telling yourself about your relationship with alcohol doesn't make any sense. Somehow, drinking has become both the problem and the solution.

In this episode, I'll give you four scientific reasons why abstinence is not the cure for alcohol use disorder. And explain why emotional sobriety is the path to freedom. Because if you felt more powerful and at ease in your life, you would naturally drink like someone who feels that way.

—Click here to BOOK A DISCOVERY CALL if you're ready to fully commit to your personal growth and do the work to get emotionally sober. Side effects include an 80 percent reduction in drinking. You'll walk away from our call with a clear understanding of how to get the skills you need to transform your life.

—NEW! Colleen's doing Q&A episodes! Do you want help from Colleen with a situation you're struggling with? Click here to submit your question. Your name will not be mentioned on air!

—Want daily updates from me? Find me on TikTok @hangoverwhisperer and IG @thehangoverwhisperer and YouTube https://www.youtube.com/@hangoverwhisperer

—Click here to TAKE THE QUIZ: Do you have a drinking problem or a thinking problem?

EP165 Minisode: Why change feels so HARD Jan 25, 2025

Show notes

In today's episode, Colleen dives into the importance of setting realistic and achievable goals when it comes to detoxing or taking a break from alcohol. She shares insights on why habits feel hard to break, the role of internal programming, and the importance of creating an environment that supports your goals. If you've ever struggled with sticking to a goal or felt overwhelmed by the idea of change, this episode offers a clear and compassionate approach to navigating challenges and setting yourself up for success.

Key Takeaways:

Why Habits Feel Hard:
- Managing a drinking habit is hard, but breaking it feels equally challenging because it's not yet a habit.
- Your brain is designed to keep you in familiar patterns, using thoughts and feelings to resist change.
Truth vs. Thoughts:
- Thoughts like "What if I can't do this?" are not truths—they're just words in your brain. Instead, ask, "What if I can?"
- The truth is: you can do whatever you set your mind to, as long as you're willing to make it your priority.
The Importance of Environment:
- Success in any detox or break requires designing an environment that supports your goal.
- Clear the stress bucket—remove other commitments and distractions to focus your energy on the change you want to make.
Detox Realities:
- Detoxing, whether from alcohol or food, often comes with unexpected physical and emotional challenges.
- Be prepared for fatigue, mood swings, and vulnerability, and create space to navigate these experiences.

Action Steps:

Identify What You Want: Be specific about your goals and ask yourself, What do I really want?
Commit to Success: Acknowledge that success requires a willingness to prioritize your goal above other commitments.
Design Your Environment: Remove distractions, ask for support, and create a structure that makes your goal achievable.
Plan for the Unexpected: Be prepared for emotional and physical challenges and give yourself grace to navigate them.
Ask the Right Questions: Replace fear-based thoughts with empowering ones like How can I make this fun and easy?

Homework: Reflect on a goal you've been considering, whether it's a short detox or a long-term change. Ask yourself:

What do I want?
What am I willing to do to achieve it?
How can I set myself up for success and make this process manageable?

Do you want help from Colleen with a situation you're struggling with? Click here to submit your question for Colleen's NEW Q& A episodes. Your name will not be mentioned on air!

—Want daily updates from me? Find me on TikTok @hangoverwhisperer and IG @thehangoverwhisperer

—Click here to TAKE THE QUIZ: Do you have a drinking problem or a thinking problem?

EP164 Minisode: Learning to tolerate uncertainty Jan 23, 2025

Show notes

In today's episode, Colleen unpacks a profound quote from Mark Manson and explores how the pursuit of positive experiences often leads to stress and dissatisfaction. She explains how accepting negative experiences can actually transform your emotional state and offers practical steps to break free from the cycle of overthinking and stress. If you've ever felt stuck in your head, driven by the need to "figure it all out," this episode is your guide to stepping into the present moment, regulating your nervous system, and finding peace.

Key Takeaways:

Mark Manson's Wisdom: "Pursuing a positive experience is itself a negative experience, and accepting a negative experience is itself a positive experience." This paradox highlights the power of acceptance and the futility of overthinking.
The Stress Habit: Living in your head, future-pacing, or ruminating on the past creates stress in the body. Overthinking is a habit fueled by the brain telling the body a "scary story."
Two Key Questions:
1. Am I safe right now?
2. Do I feel safe? If the answer to the first is "yes" but the second is "no," your stress is coming from your thoughts, not your circumstances.
The Power of Emotional Presence: Instead of chasing solutions through overthinking, focus on the present moment. Acknowledge and accept your feelings to shift your emotional state.
Breaking the Cycle of Pursuit: Chasing certainty, even in the form of bad news, keeps you stuck. Tolerating the discomfort of not knowing and allowing negative experiences is what creates positive change.

Action Steps:

Notice Your Stress Habit: Pay attention to when you're stuck in your head and feeling stressed. Ask yourself the two key questions to identify if the issue is external or internal.
Accept Your Emotions: When you notice a stress response, stop and feel your feelings. Put your hand on your heart, acknowledge the sensation, and remind yourself that feelings are not facts.
Practice the Art of Allowing: Instead of resisting or avoiding negative feelings, embrace them as part of the growth process. This acceptance can transform your emotional state.
Build Emotional Resilience: Use this practice regularly to teach your brain that negative experiences can lead to positive outcomes.

Homework: Reflect on a time when you were stuck in overthinking. What feelings were you avoiding? Take a moment today to notice any stress responses in your body. Use the two questions—Am I safe? Do I feel safe?—to guide yourself back into the present moment. Acknowledge and allow your emotions instead of trying to think your way out of them.

Do you want help from Colleen with a situation you're struggling with? Click here to submit your question for Colleen's NEW Q& A episodes. Your name will not be mentioned on air!

—Want daily updates from me? Find me on TikTok @hangoverwhisperer and IG @thehangoverwhisperer

—Click here to TAKE THE QUIZ: Do you have a drinking problem or a thinking problem?

EP163 Is drinking every day a "problem?" Jan 21, 2025

Show notes

Do you think it's wrong to drink every day even if it's not causing problems and you truly enjoy it?

Alcohol use disorder is not defined by how much or how often you drink. It's when you want to drink less than you do and have a hard time sticking to your goals.

Twenty years ago, we were told a glass of wine every evening is good for heart health. While the Canadian government recently updated their guidelines to say no amount of alcohol is safe, the United States still says it's fine for women to have one drink per day.

In this episode, I explain the pros and cons of using science to evaluate the health of your drinking habits. And why the shame, fear and guilt you experience when there's a mismatch can cause more harm than good.

You'll walk away from this episode with a clear understanding of how labeling your behavior as "good" or "bad" or "right" or "wrong" disconnects you from the truth of your felt experience and can actually block you from acting in your own best interest. I'll make the case that the only rule you need to follow is your own intuition.

—NEW! Colleen's doing Q&A episodes! Do you want help from Colleen with a situation you're struggling with? Click here to submit your question. Your name will not be mentioned on air!

—Want daily updates from me? Find me on TikTok @hangoverwhisperer and IG @thehangoverwhisperer and YouTube https://www.youtube.com/@hangoverwhisperer

—Click here to TAKE THE QUIZ: Do you have a drinking problem or a thinking problem?

EP162 Minisode: Why you're manifesting what you don't want Jan 18, 2025

Show notes

In this episode, Colleen dives deep into how shifting your focus from what you don't want to what you truly desire can transform your mindset and your relationship with alcohol—and beyond. She explains why the brain's operating system doesn't understand "don't" and "shouldn't" and how these error codes keep us stuck in overthinking and emotional inflammation. Colleen offers practical strategies to build neural pathways toward what you do want by reverse engineering your thought processes and connecting to how you want to feel. Whether you're navigating alcohol use disorder or any other life challenge, this episode provides actionable steps to clarify your goals and move forward.

Key Takeaways:

Alcohol Use Disorder as a Teacher: Alcohol use disorder gives us a unique lens to study our thought patterns—both the ones we want to cultivate and the ones we need to release.
The Problem with "I Don't Want This": The brain operates in concrete images and emotions. Focusing on what you don't want doesn't provide actionable instructions for change; it creates error codes that lead to overthinking.
Creating Neural Pathways for What You Do Want: To achieve your goals, you must articulate what you want clearly and vividly. This allows your brain to create actionable steps toward your desired outcome.
Start with How You Want to Feel: When you're unsure of what you want, focus on the emotions you'd like to experience. Reverse engineer your thought processes and actions to align with that feeling.
Small Steps Lead to Big Change: Your first goal may simply be to start imagining your vision for the future. Take small steps, journal, reflect, and celebrate progress as you clarify your purpose and align with your values.

Action Steps:

Shift Your Focus: Instead of thinking about what you don't want, ask yourself, What do I want? Be as specific as possible.
Identify the Feeling: If you can't clearly articulate your goal, start with how you want to feel. Use that emotion as your compass.
Reverse Engineer Your Goals: Once you've identified how you want to feel, ask yourself what thoughts and actions would support that feeling.
Start Small: Begin journaling or reflecting on your values, passions, and long-term vision. Even small steps toward clarity are wins worth celebrating.

Homework: Take 5-10 minutes today to reflect on an area of your life where you've been stuck focusing on what you don't want. Write down:

What you do want (or how you want to feel).
A thought you could practice to align with that feeling.
One small action step you can take today to start moving in that direction.

Do you want help from Colleen with a situation you're struggling with? Click here to submit your question for Colleen's NEW Q& A episodes. Your name will not be mentioned on air!

—Want daily updates from me? Find me on TikTok @hangoverwhisperer and IG @thehangoverwhisperer

—Click here to TAKE THE QUIZ: Do you have a drinking problem or a thinking problem?

EP161 Minisode: Actually, your feelings are facts! Jan 16, 2025

Show notes

In today's episode, Colleen shares a personal story about navigating a tense encounter with a neighbor who demanded drastic action after a minor incident involving her dog. Using this real-life situation, she demonstrates how to clear an emotional reaction in real time by properly diagnosing the problem, managing feelings, and resetting the nervous system. This episode highlights the importance of emotional regulation, how to move from reaction mode to intentional action, and how to maintain an empowered mindset even in difficult circumstances.

Key Takeaways:

Diagnose the Neutral Facts: When confronted with a highly emotional situation, assess the neutral facts of the incident and determine if there is a genuine call to action.
Overthinking is Under-feeling: Instead of spiraling into overthinking, take a moment to stop and feel the emotions. Overthinking prolongs stress, while feeling the feelings allows the body to clear the emotional response.
Emotional Regulation in Action: Colleen shares how she sat with her emotions, acknowledged the physical sensations (tightness, heart pounding, heat), and allowed herself to fully feel them for 90 seconds. This simple practice helps reset the nervous system.
Becoming Unfuckwithable: Cultivating the emotional state of being unfuckwithable means not being reactive to external demands or other people's emotions. Colleen conjured this mindset by grounding herself and clearing her stress response.
Reclaim Your Power: Recognize that your emotions about other people's actions or words are your responsibility. By taking ownership of your feelings, you reclaim your power and can choose how to move forward.

Action Steps:

Stop, Drop, and Regulate: When faced with a triggering situation, stop what you're doing, drop into your body, and regulate your emotions by acknowledging and feeling them without judgment.
Neutral Evaluation: Objectively evaluate the facts of the situation. If there is no necessary action, mentally release it.
Shift Your Emotional State: Consciously choose the emotional state you want to embody moving forward. You don't have to carry the emotional weight of the incident all day.

Homework: Try this practice next time you're faced with an emotionally charged situation:

Sit with your emotions for 90 seconds. Notice the physical sensations and allow them to be present without judgment.
Once the emotions settle, evaluate the facts neutrally and determine if any action is required.
Consciously choose an empowered emotional state and move forward with clarity.

Do you want help from Colleen with a situation you're struggling with? Click here to submit your question for Colleen's NEW Q& A episodes. Your name will not be mentioned on air!

—Want daily updates from me? Find me on TikTok @hangoverwhisperer and IG @thehangoverwhisperer

—Click here to TAKE THE QUIZ: Do you have a drinking problem or a thinking problem?

EP160 How to motivate yourself to drink less without shame, fear and guilt Jan 14, 2025

Show notes

NEW! Colleen's doing Q&A episodes! Do you want help from Colleen with a situation you're struggling with? Click here to submit your question. Your name will not be mentioned on air!

At this point, you know better than to beat yourself up. But how do you stay positive and focus on the wins when you keep waking up hungover?

It's a mistake to think that drinking less requires more willpower. Because you're assuming that you actually enjoy getting drunk.

But if you printed out a transcript of all the thoughts you have both before and during the time you spend drinking, you would see a lot of evidence that you don't actually want to be doing what you're doing.

What if you started paying more attention to those subtle internal cues that are inviting you to change?

In this episode, I share how I recently found myself on that shameful slippery slope. And what I learned from my own guilt and frustration that led me to create a brand new, easy to implement strategy that will instantly improve your motivation to do better next time and confidence that changing your drinking habits will be easier than you think.

—Want daily updates from me? Find me on TikTok @hangoverwhisperer and IG @thehangoverwhisperer and YouTube https://www.youtube.com/@hangoverwhisperer

—Click here to TAKE THE QUIZ: Do you have a drinking problem or a thinking problem?

EP159 Minisode: Processing the shame of past mistakes Jan 11, 2025

Show notes

—Want daily updates from me? Find me on TikTok @hangoverwhisperer and IG @thehangoverwhisperer

—Click here to TAKE THE QUIZ: Do you have a drinking problem or a thinking problem?

In this powerful and vulnerable episode, we explore how shame, one of the most corrosive human emotions, can shape our lives and fuel destructive behaviors like alcohol use. Colleen explains how shame works like an autoimmune disorder for the soul—turning us against ourselves and making us feel unworthy. She delves into the mental constructs that fuel the shame narrative and teaches us how to shift from self-judgment to self-acceptance. Colleen also shares a deeply personal story from her past to illustrate how shame can linger and how we can process it using a three-step framework for healing.

Whether you're struggling with a drinking habit or just want to learn how to heal old emotional wounds, this episode offers actionable tools to help you move forward with dignity and self-respect.

Key Topics Covered:

The Nature of Shame
- Shame as an "autoimmune emotion"—turning self against self.
- How shame leads us to identify ourselves as the problem rather than looking at behaviors or circumstances neutrally.
- The mental constructs that fuel shame: right vs. wrong, worthy vs. unworthy, acceptable vs. unacceptable.
Neutralizing Polarities
- How viewing things in extremes (good vs. bad) intensifies shame.
- The importance of accepting situations as they are—without judgment—to process and heal shame.
Personal Story: A Shame Wound from the Past
- Colleen shares a story from her early teaching career where she made a mistake that caused lasting shame.
- How avoidance, justification, and self-judgment kept the shame active for years.
- Why acknowledging the full truth, without justifying or minimizing, is essential to healing.
Three-Step Framework for Processing Shame:
- Step 1: It Could Have Been Worse
- Step 2: I Am Innocent
- Step 3: Be Your Own Advocate
The Path to Emotional Sobriety
- Learning to hold space for your whole truth without demonizing or glorifying.
- Why avoiding or skipping over shame only perpetuates it.
- How emotional safety with yourself is the foundation for true healing.

Actionable Homework:

Bring Shame into Consciousness
- Recall a past experience that still triggers emotional pain.
- Allow yourself to feel the discomfort without turning away.
Apply the Three Steps:
- It could have been worse.
- I am innocent; I did the best I could with what I knew.
- I deserve dignity and self-respect.
Practice Self-Compassion
- Put your hand on your heart and tell yourself: "I see you. I feel you. I'm not going to abandon you."

Quote of the Episode: "The path to healing your shame is not about building a stronger defense. It's about dropping the defense altogether and saying, 'This is what it is, and I accept the whole truth.'"

EP158 Minisode: How to Manifest a Healthy Relationship with Alcohol Jan 09, 2025

Show notes

—Want daily updates from me? Find me on TikTok @hangoverwhisperer and IG @thehangoverwhisperer

—Click here to TAKE THE QUIZ: Do you have a drinking problem or a thinking problem?

Key Insights & Takeaways:

Human Superpower: Imagination & Creation
- Humans live in a world of mental constructs. Time, money, rules, and even identities are creations of the human mind.
- Meaning doesn't exist in nature—we assign meaning to events and outcomes, deciding whether they are triumphs or tragedies.
Manifestation & Attention
- Manifestation starts with an idea. What you focus on grows, and what you neglect dies.
- To manifest something new, you must first believe it's possible and give it your attention.
- Your brain is a tool that finds or creates evidence for what you believe. If you believe you have a problem, your brain will collect proof of that problem.
How You Manifested a "Drinking Problem"
- It started with the idea that your drinking is a problem, and your brain went to work gathering evidence.
- Over time, your focus on drinking as a problem created a tangible reality with hangovers, conflicts, and negative emotions.
Reframing & Manifesting a New Reality
- To manifest a healthy relationship with alcohol, start by paying attention to small wins where you are already in control.
- Examples of wins include:
Hangover Homework
- When experiencing a hangover, walk back through your memories of the previous night and find moments when you had a thought or impulse to stop drinking.
- Those thoughts, however fleeting, are wins—proof that you're capable of making different choices.
- Paying attention to these positive moments reinforces the idea that you can have a healthy relationship with alcohol.
A Success Story: Rehearsing a Different Ending
- Colleen shares a personal story of noticing a pattern, mentally rehearsing a better choice, and successfully manifesting a different outcome the next time.
- By reflecting on past wins, you can prime your brain to respond differently in similar situations.

Homework Assignment:

Take 5 minutes to list all the times and ways you've demonstrated control over your drinking. Include moments when you weren't drinking, times you limited your intake, and any positive actions related to alcohol.
Next time you have a hangover, reflect on the moments when you had the thought to stop or reduce your drinking, even if you didn't act on it. Count those moments as wins.
Check out the Mindful Drinking course and listen to the episode titled Hangover Homework for a deeper dive into this exercise.

Final Thoughts: Manifesting a healthier relationship with alcohol starts with paying attention to the right thoughts. Focus on what's working, notice the small wins, and train your brain to manifest the solution rather than the problem.

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