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    Health

    Intimate Interactions

    Improve your relationships, get confident asking for what you really want, and have more intimate, satisfying sex! These lessons in intimacy from a non monogamy and consensual kink practitioner can improve any relationship and help you connect more with yourself and others. Check out https://intimatevictor.com/podcast

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    Latest Episodes:
    Business Ownership and Relationships (Tim) Nov 08, 2022
    Show notes

    Tim is the CEO of CLICKr digital, a pay-per-click and Analytics agency. As a business strategy coach, he teaches sale and marketing and help entrepreneurs scale and grow businesses. So what is he doing on an intimacy podcast?

    Well part of exploring human intimacy is my curiosity and fascination about different kinds of people. Tim, while very business oriented, also loves free health care and describes himself as a centrist. In Canada, I would be considered a little left of center and Tim would be considered a little right of center, so it’s always fun to chat with him and we both enjoy each others’ company.

    As I’ve watched him change and grow, I’ve wanted to bring him on to chat about relationships: how do you build business relationships? Why is learning to build relationships important for people who run businesses? What are some take-aways we can learn about relationships from business? How has business changed Tim’s life? We’ll explore these questions and others today with Tim, here on Intimate Interactions.


    Squirrel! A Femme Looks into ADHD (Juniper) Nov 01, 2022
    Show notes

    Juniper is a woman who had a severe and serious chronic illness for many years. We met at an after party and had a one night stand once. Since then we’ve met once for coffee briefly many months later but have mostly been distant friends. Today we’ll talk about ADHD and Juniper’s journey to try to figure out if she has it or not. None of this is medical advice and I’m not a doctor. Still, let’s chat with Juniper here on Intimate Interactions.


    A Mom Talks about Jealousy, Envy, and Experiences (Robin Beatch) Oct 25, 2022
    Show notes

    Today, Robin Beach from sexwithrobin.com talks jealousy. As a sex educator, radio host, relationship consultant, and more, she brings all the experience of her coaching practice to the show just for you! Well actually it’s for a lot of people but I didn’t want you to feel like you weren’t special too. You can see how this stuff gets complicated - but let’s hear from Robin directly on Intimate Interactions.


    Coping with Chronic Pandemic Stress (Tillie) Oct 15, 2022
    Show notes

    Tillie, a queer community member, suggested a long time ago to start a project to develop our friendship in a recorded, progressive fashion. They’re back to draw on their chronically ill experience and share all about social support.

    This is an episode about support from your social network when your society has failed to provide for the most vulnerable. For those of us who have mobility restrictions or can’t afford winter tires or a vehicle at all, food access can become a thing. This is especially true if you’re struggling with funds. So what does that look like in your circle of friends or found family? How does your community support those who need support?

    And while others are using what resources they have to help their loved ones, how do those most at risk cope with anxiety and try to stay functional?

    Quick note: part of my ongoing growth to work with my ADHD involves lots of timers all over so I can set louder alarms enabling me to put wet laundry in the dryer or leave my house on time. This is my life as an adult with ADHD. You’ll hear a beeping alarm near the end of the episode. Now, please enjoy another session of Intimate Interactions.


    Acting, Intimacy, and Relationships (Tim) Oct 11, 2022
    Show notes

    Tim is the CEO of CLICKr digital, a pay-per-click and Analytics agency. As a business strategy coach, he teaches sales and marketing and help entrepreneurs scale and grow businesses. So what is he doing on an intimacy podcast? As an acting student, he started out specialising in emulating human interactions, vulnerability, and intimacy.

    Today we’ll chat about relationships in business and the distinction between acting and forming real relationships. When you’re bored of conversation but you’re with someone you care about, is it relationship-forming to smile for them? Is it acting? Is it inauthentic? Tim and I try to figure at least some of that out.

    Hope you and your loved ones are healthy and safe. Enjoy the sessions here on intimate interactions.


    How to Improve the Nonconsent World We Live In (Sar Surmick) Oct 01, 2022
    Show notes

    What can we do to help make the world we live in a more consensual place? How can we reduce the immense damage suffered by humans daily? Sar Surmick, the marriage and family counsellor who was the director of the Consent Academy for quite a while and still teaches with them joins us today to chat about ideas. Let’s try to pick one thing that sounds doable to us and try to practice it in our lives together.


    Working from Home with Chronic Illness Sep 24, 2022
    Show notes

    Tillie is back to talk about working from home as a chronically ill person during a pandemic. The more stuff changes, the more it stays the same. Content warning for chatting about no longer feeling suicidal. For all my chronically ill fam out there, we love; keep going. For all you folks working from home like me, two things: we’re a lucky bunch to be able to support ourselves while the economy is so messed up, and many of us living without space for an office are struggling to come up with original solutions. I currently work out of a curtain surround in my dining room. It’s functional. Stay mentally well out there as best you can. We’re stronger together. I hope the session is helpful.


    Support Groups for Compulsive Porn Use (Matt Sinkovitz) Sep 20, 2022
    Show notes

    Last session with Matt Sinkovitz, we talked about his story and I gave some examples from literature about my position around pornography abstinence. Since I did my degree in molecular genetics and not sex research, I first looked up journal impact factors which is how you can tell how important a given scientific publication is. The average journal is below 1, a good journal is anything over 3 but it depends on the discipline, how popular it is, how many journals there are, etcetera. And the gold standard for excellence is anything over 10.

    As a brief recap, I cited the Archive of Sexual Behaviour (JIF 3.458) where Zimmer and Imhoff in 2020 wrote this article, Abstinence from Masturbation and Hypersexuality. It states a “lack of evidence for negative health effects of masturbation” stemming from “perceived problems with pornography” and “from a psychological and behavioural addiction” where addiction is in quotation marks. It stresses that “higher abstinence motivation was related to a higher perceived impact of masturbation, conservatism, and religiosity, and to lower trust in science.”

    I also looked up relationship quality and pornography use. Here’s what I found. According to the paper “Is the Link Between Pornography Use and Relational Happiness Really More About Masturbation? Results From Two National Surveys”

    https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/00224499.2018.1556772 (2019)

    They say quote “Numerous studies have observed a persistent and most often negative association between pornography use and romantic relationship quality.” It goes on to say quote “Controls are included for sex frequency and satisfaction, depressive symptoms, and other relevant correlates. Results from both the 2012 New Family Structures Study (NFSS; N = 1,977) and the 2014 Relationships in America survey (RIA; Ng = 10,106) show that masturbation is negatively associated with relational happiness for men and women, while pornography use is either unassociated or becomes unassociated with relational happiness once masturbation is included. Indeed, evidence points to a slight positive association between pornography use and relational happiness once masturbation and gender differences are accounted for…”

    Further, pornography use definitely doesn’t seem to be a problem in women according to “Effects of Pornography Use and Demographic Parameters on Sexual Response during Masturbation and Partnered Sex in Women” published in the International Journal of Environment Research and Public Health (impact factor 3.39) https://www.mdpi.com/1660-4601/17/9/3130

    So just because someone has a psychological compulsion to drink water or to exercise too much doesn’t mean we shouldn’t do those things. In fact people have literally died drinking too much water - something called water intoxication. Tragic link in the show notes. https://www.theglobeandmail.com/news/world/drank-too-much-water-woman-dies/article1069137/

    However if you were a person who had a compulsion to drink water, you’d probably want a support group for that, and that’s what Matt Sinkovitz does - not water intoxication but pornography compulsion and pornography abstinence.

    Quick sidebar again: I didn’t want to throw him off as this was the second session that we recorded during our first ever chat. As a result, I didn’t correct him when he used he/him pronouns for me and it was weird but not bad. He was great afterwards when I mentioned it to him, and for the record he seems super nice. In fact I left in the conversation at the end of the episode because it felt wholesome and I thought you’d appreciate it.


    Why Consent Is So Hard (Sar Surmick) Sep 10, 2022
    Show notes

    If we know what consent is and how to do it, why is it so hard for so many? Does what I think consent is match what you think consent is? If not, why not? How does this impact how we negotiate our agreements, and how can we get a little better? Marriage and family counsellor Sar Surmick joins us today to chat about how his time leading the Consent Academy and now teaching for them impacts those questions. Let’s see what answers Sar has for us here on Intimate Interactions.


    What Is Compulsive Porn Use (Matt Sinkovitz) Sep 06, 2022
    Show notes

    Matt Sinkovitz overcame a 20+ year long compulsive relationship with porn, and helps similar men do the same through his online Facebook support community, ‘Porn to Purpose’, and the ‘90-Day Liberation Boot Camp’, as well as the ‘7-Day Porn Abstinence Challenge’. First, Matt’s a really nice guy. I enjoyed our talks even though I’m strictly evidence based and Matt is far more experiential in how he approaches helping.

    According to a paper published in the Archive of Sexual Behaviour (JIF 3.458) by Zimmer and Imhoff published in 2020 called Abstinence from Masturbation and Hypersexuality, there is a “lack of evidence for negative health effects of masturbation” end quote where they suggest these stem from “perceived problems with pornography” end quote as well as notion these perceived problems “[stem] from a psychological and behavioral addiction” end quote where the word addiction is used in quotation marks in the paper.

    Here’s the crux: the same paper goes on to say “higher abstinence motivation was related to a higher perceived impact of masturbation, conservatism, and religiosity, and to lower trust in science.” end quote Again, that was Abstinence from Masturbation and Hypersexuality published by Zimmer and Imhoff in the Archive of Sexual Behaviour in 2020. Link to the article in the show notes.

    https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7145784/

    That basically summarises my perspective on it. Addiction in quotations where higher abstinence motivation is related to higher perceived impact of masturbation, related to conservatism, related to religiosity, and related to lower trust in science. The biggest argument they seem to struggle with is whether or not abstinence in men is healthy. This depends on a lot including the length of abstinence, and I’m not a doctor. However I did look up a paper.

    In “Sexual factors and prostate cancer” by Giles et al. published in the British Journal of Urology (JIF 5.588), men under 70 at diagnosis with prostate cancer as well as aged matched control subjects who did not have prostate cancer were asked about their masturbation habits each decade of their life. “There was no association of prostate cancer with the number of sexual partners or with the maximum number of ejaculations in 24 hours. There was a negative trend (P < 0.01) for the association between risk and number of ejaculations in the third decade, independent of those in the fourth and fifth. Men who averaged five or more ejaculations weekly in their 20s had an odds ratio (95% confidence interval) of 0.66 (0.49-0.87) compared to those who ejaculated less often.” https://bjui-journals.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1046/j.1464-410X.2003.04319.x

    Those types of studies provide moderately strong evidence that if you get off at least five times a week in your 20s already, you may be the kind of person who is less likely to get prostate cancer than those who got off less than that during their 20s. It makes no claims about masturbation in one’s 30s or 40s. All it all it seems prudent to ejaculate regularly if you have a penis and are in your 20s.




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