How To! with Charles Duhigg

Latest Episodes:

What To Do When Your Husband Becomes Your Boss Nov 02, 2021

Show notes

This episode is supported by Work Check, an original podcast from Atlassian.

Bethany was ecstatic when her husband Travis got a promotion. They've been co-workers for over a decade and Bethany really valued being on equal footing. But that power balance has since gone topsy turvy. Travis is now her boss (technically her boss's boss) and things are suddenly not equal at home or at work. Her coworkers are treating her differently, and she feels like her career identity is being overshadowed. On this episode of How To!, we bring on Carley Roney, co-founder of the wedding and lifestyle company, The Knot. Carley worked with, and for, her husband for years. She has some hard-won advice for maintaining your independence while keeping the marriage intact.

If you liked this episode, check out: "How To Fire Your Daughter."

Do you have a question with no easy answers? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show.

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How To Beat the Dreaded Midday Slump Oct 26, 2021

Show notes

For a behind the scenes look into some of the articles we read when we create the show, check out our Pocket collection at http://getpocket.com/slate.

Every day around 2:00 p.m. Rob hits a brick wall. A busy job and two young children have zapped all of his energy, and he's desperate to do something—anything—to make it through the rest of the workday. Enter the elusive and often guilt-ridden midday nap. But there too Rob struggles to really rest and then wake up without making things worse. On this episode of How To!, we bring on Dr. Sara Mednick, author of Take a Nap! Change Your Life and the forthcoming book The Hidden Power of the Downstate. Sara draws on years of research at her sleep lab to advise Rob, and all of us, how to stay energized during a long day (Hint: It might not involve napping at all).

If you liked this episode, check out: "How To Sleep" with Andy Puddicombe, co-founder of Headspace.

Do you have a question with no easy answers? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

How To Make Friends as an Adult Oct 19, 2021

Show notes

Grace and Nikki both need more friends. Grace is an ICU nurse whose best friends have moved away. Nikki is an electrical engineer who worked remotely for the last year and is now moving to a new city. Making friends as an adult is hard, but not impossible. You just have to do things differently than when you were in 6th grade. On this episode of How To!, we bring on Elizabeth Newcamp, co-host of Slate's Mom and Dad are Fighting and the author of Dutch, Dutch, Goose, a parenting and travel blog. Elizabeth's husband is in the military so they're constantly moving to new places. She's figured out a playbook for transforming casual acquaintances into close friends, even if you're an introvert.

If you liked this episode, check out: "How To Talk to Strangers" with expert Susan Cain.

Do you have a question with no easy answers? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

How To Keep Cool in a Crisis Oct 12, 2021

Show notes

Last week we learned how to stop a public fight before it starts. But despite our best intentions, ugly confrontations still happen—sometimes with tragic consequences. On this episode of How To!, the second in a two part-series, Dan Christensen, a bus driver in Portland, Oregon, and Matt Smith, a crisis intervention trainer and the co-founder of Aegis Training Solutions, are back to teach you what to do when a fight is already underway. Dan talks about his experience with the 2017 Portland train attack that left two people dead. How do you stay safe? What is your responsibility to those around you? In short, how can you be a better bystander?

If you liked this episode, check out: "How To Have a Fight That Actually Helps Your Relationship."

Do you have a question with no easy answers? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen.

Podcast production by Derek John and Rosemary Belson.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

How To Stop a Fight Before It Starts Oct 05, 2021

Show notes

Things are a little more tense than usual these days. Stress and anxiety levels are up and so are fights in public. We've all heard stories of bad behavior in restaurants, airports, hospitals, school board meetings, etc. So on this episode of How To!, the first in a two-part series, we bring on Dan Christensen, a bus driver in Portland, Oregon, and Matt Smith, a crisis intervention trainer and the co-founder of Aegis Training Solutions. They both have years of experience defusing ugly confrontations, and a bevy of surprising tips to keep yourself safe while calming down those around you.

If you liked this episode, check out: "After a Year of Survival, How to Start Living Again."

Podcast production by Derek John and Rosemary Belson.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

How To Coach Squirrelly Kids (and Screaming Parents) Sep 28, 2021

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When Kelly volunteered to be the head coach for his son's baseball team, he was nervous. He had no formal training, but he knew he wanted his players to have equal playing time and, more importantly, have fun. Which they did….until the yelling started and the season ended in a surprising loss (and quite a few tears). What can Kelly do better next season? On this episode of How To!, we bring on Doug Lemov, author of the books, Teach Like a Champion and The Coach's Guide to Teaching. Doug has some fantastic advice for commanding attention, and managing failure, that we can all learn from—on or off the field.

If you liked this episode, check out: "Congrats, You Won the Olympics. Now What?"

Do you have a question with no easy answers? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

How To Fill an Empty Nest Sep 21, 2021

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Susan never really got over saying goodbye to her eldest daughter, who left for college four years ago. She knew it would be sad, but she didn't expect to be nauseous. Now her youngest is applying to college, and she's already dreading drop-off next fall which makes her feel like a "pathetic loser." What can Susan do to prep herself for more heartbreak and a completely empty nest? On this episode of How To!, we bring on Kelly Corrigan, best-selling author and host of the podcast Kelly Corrigan Wonders. She recently dropped her youngest daughter off at college, which she wrote about in an essay for the New York Times called "How to Let Go of Your Irreplaceable, Unstoppable Daughter." She shares some hard-earned wisdom about how to handle major life transitions with grace.

If you liked this episode, check out: "How To Get Your Kid to Finally Grow Up"

Do you have a question with no easy answers? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

How To Crack Your Kid Like a CIA Operative Sep 14, 2021

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Every kid sneaks a cookie from the cookie jar, but Jamie's 8 year-old daughter Simone has taken it to the next level. If you look under her pillow or in the back of her closet, you'll find stashes of candy wrappers and other illicit items. When confronted, Simone never cracks under pressure. Jamie is worried that if this behavior isn't stopped soon, Simone will grow up to be a "supervillain." On this episode of How To!, we bring on Christina and Ryan Hillsberg, authors of License to Parent: How My Career As a Spy Helped Me Raise Resourceful, Self-Sufficient Kids. They draw on their years of experience at the CIA to help Jamie figure out how to handle Simone's sly behavior. Is there any way to harness it for good? Christina and Ryan give Jamie a crash course in building trust and influencing people without them realizing it.

If you liked this episode, check out: "How To Convince People to Give You Money."

Do you have a question with no easy answers? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

How To Live With a Dirty Family Secret Sep 07, 2021

Show notes

Usually when something enters Rachel's parents' home, it never leaves. Growing up, Rachel and her siblings tried to clean out the growing piles of junk, but her mom would often dig into the trash to retrieve whatever was tossed. Rachel finally escaped her parent's over-stuffed house but she still worries about their safety and quality of life. On this episode of How To!, we bring on Jessie Sholl, author of Dirty Secret: A Daughter Comes Clean About Her Mother's Compulsive Hoarding. She knows what it's like to spend hours decluttering a house teeming with stuff, only to have it come back with a vengeance. Many of us will eventually have to parent our parents, but how do you handle such an extreme case? Jessie explains that hoarding is a mental illness and advises Rachel on how to find agency in a situation that feels so helpless.

If you liked this episode, check out: "How To Avoid Becoming Your Mother."

Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

How To Succeed When Everyone's Mad at You Aug 31, 2021

Show notes

Have you ever had to make an impossible decision? One that doesn't have an obvious "right" answer. One that someone will inevitably hate. John knows this feeling all too well. He's the superintendent for a mid-size school district in California. To say the last school year was difficult is a major understatement… John tried to ensure the safety of his students, teachers, and faculty while balancing the reality of students struggling in their virtual classes. Throughout the school year, John's relationship with his teachers and the teachers union deteriorated. Now, classes are back in session and he's hoping to find common ground as soon as possible. On this episode of How To!, we bring on Gary Friedman, a world-renowned conflict mediator. He has some tips on how all of us can mend a fraught relationship before it's too late.

If you liked this episode, check out "How To Stand Up to Your Terrible Manager—Without Getting Fired."

Do you have a problem you can't get out of your head? Send us a note at howto@slate.com or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

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