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How Can I Say This… — Science
How Can I Say This…

The “How Can I Say This…” podcast offers tips and advice for interpersonal communications challenges, such as difficult conversations, conflict, giving and receiving feedback, negotiating, and other situations where what you say and how you say it makes all the difference.

Your host is Beth Buelow, PCC, founder of ZOPA Consulting and author of “The Introvert Entrepreneur: Amplify Your Strengths and Create Success on Your Own Terms.” Beth’s credentialed professional coach and trained mediator. She loves finding the “Zone of Possible Agreement” (ZOPA!) in any situation that comes her way. She hosted The Introvert Entrepreneur Podcast from 2010-2018.

In every episode of “How Can I Say This…”, you’ll find ideas about how to handle your communication conundrums; tips on feeling more confident and comfortable with conflict; opportunities to learn from real-life situations through questions shared by listeners; and ultimately, gain skills and techniques for dealing with sticky situations at work and home. Of course, we can’t be all talk and no action; each show will end with an invitation to try a particular technique or approach that came up in the episode.

Episodes will feature a mixture of commentary, listener questions, and expert guest interviews and contributions. The scope of conversation will evolve over time… we’re open to seeing where this goes. Thanks for joining us on the journey!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Latest Episodes:

Ep31: How to Ask Better Questions (Part 1) Apr 12, 2019

Show notes

It’s something that can drive new parents insane, but it’s essential to our development as social creatures: asking questions. As children, we ask questions incessantly as a way to understand the world around us. As we mature, our questions become more nuanced and complex, and our motives are less obvious. Or we hesitate to ask questions for fear of sounding dumb or because we don’t want to challenge someone. We’re encouraged to be curious, but we’re seldom told that curiosity is a skill that we can improve. Our question this episode: How can we ask better questions to get better results?

In this episode, I explore a fundamental element of good conversations, and especially productive conflict: questions. There’s both art and science to crafting questions that help us to influence, connect, and learn from one another. Hosted by Beth L Buelow, PCC. More information at howcanisaythis.com

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Ep30: What To Do When You're Triggered Apr 06, 2019

Show notes

You know when it’s happening: your breathing might become more shallow. Your mind starts racing. You feel like there’s a brick in the pit of your stomach. You might even feel a sense of déjà vu. You’re so irritated, you can’t even hear what the other person is saying. Our question this episode: what can we do when someone’s behavior is triggering us?

In this episode, I will offer some thoughts on a relatively new awareness I experienced this past week. It left me in a “how can I say this…” place, and even wondering if I should say anything at all. Hosted by Beth L. Buelow, PCC. More information at howcanisaythis.com

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Ep29: Getting Past Fine with Matt Crevin Mar 29, 2019

Show notes

It’s an answer we’ve all given and received multiple times in our lives: “I’m fine.” It could be a polite way to respond to a stranger’s “how are you?” or it might be your partner, colleague, or offspring giving you what feels like the cold shoulder. But if we really care about someone, we care about the real answer, the one underneath the surface. Our question this episode: what can we do to get past “I’m fine”?

We’re joined in this episode by Matt Crevin, who will share tips for parents talking to teenagers and the importance of teenagers talking to one another. His tips, by the way, apply to communication in any relationship where there’s an imbalance of power or conflicting agendas. Hosted by Beth L. Buelow, PCC. More information at howcanisaythis.com

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Ep28: Self-Awareness and Authority with Caryn Lee Mar 22, 2019

Show notes

"There are three things extremely hard: Steel, a Diamond, and to know one's self." With those words from the 1750 edition of Poor Richard’s Almanac, Benjamin Franklin shared a maxim that has been around since the ancient Greeks: know thyself. Long before Franklin, Socrates gave us the oft-quoted saying “The unexamined life is not worth living.” In addition to giving life meaning, examining our lives and knowing ourselves helps us to be in relationship with other people. When we know who we are, we can be better communicators. Our question this episode: how do our personality and preferences influence our communication with others?

I’m pleased to be welcoming Narrative founder Caryn Lee to the show to talk about how deepening our self-awareness can support us in figuring out how to best communicate with others, especially in sticky situations. We also respond to a listener question about asserting one’s authority in the face of resistance. Hosted by Beth L. Buelow, PCC. More info at howcanisaythis.com

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Ep27: The Fragile Bully as Narcissist with Laurie Helgoe Mar 14, 2019

Show notes

When a word or phrase rises to prominence in the collective conversation, there’s a danger of it becoming diluted or distorted so much that it strays from its original meaning. That’s happening now with the word “narcissist.” Everyone from the arrogant boss to the selfie-loving teenager becomes a narcissist. The truth is, we all have a touch of narcissist in us, but not everyone deserves that label. Our questions this episode: what’s the true definition, and how do we interact with people who sit at different places on the spectrum?

I’m pleased to be welcoming Dr. Laurie Helgoe back to the podcast for a continuation of our episode 2 conversation about narcissists and bullies. In this episode, we dive a bit deeper into the nuances of narcissistic traits, including how to take care of yourself when talking with a narcissist and how narcissism shows up individually and collectively. Hosted by Beth L. Buelow, PCC. More info at howcanisaythis.com

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Ep26: Your Questions: Resolving Conflict Within Community with Judy Hissong Mar 08, 2019

Show notes

It’s the rare environment when we’re completely alone with no one else to consider. Whether it’s home, work, school, or social situations, our choices and actions have a ripple effect, even if we aren’t aware of it. Sometimes it’s easy to fit in and our impact is minimal. Other times, our behavior isn’t just a ripple, it’s a tsunami, and that’s when a challenging conversation might be in our future. Our question this episode: how do we diffuse conflict while staying in community with one another?

We have a terrific listener question to respond to, and my guest, Judy Hissong, is the first person who came to mind as being ideally suited to offer her perspective. I'll preface this by saying that while the context of the listener question is sports, what she asks applies in almost any environment where people are expected to respect one another, be accommodating, and collaborate. Hosted by Beth L. Buelow, PCC. More info at howcanisaythis.com

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Ep25: Communication Lessons from the Animal Kingdom Mar 01, 2019

Show notes

I’m all for consulting the experts to learn more about how to be more present, more mindful, more anything that I want to be in my life. They have research and strategies that contribute to making us healthy, wealthy, and wise human beings. But sometimes it helps to absorb lessons from experts that don’t have a single book, podcast, blog, or Facebook page to their name. Our question this episode: what do our pets have to teach us about being better communicators?

This episode is a reflection on the communication and relationship lessons we can glean from our four-legged family members. While I’m using animals to illustrate my points, my goal is to take that information and translate it into tips on how to have better communication with our fellow human beings. Hosted by Beth L. Buelow, PCC. Learn more at howcanisaythis.com

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Ep24: Talking to Your Doctor with Tami Stackelhouse Feb 21, 2019

Show notes

When it comes to challenging communication situations, few match the difficulty of talking to highly trained professionals who have expertise we don’t have. This is especially true when we’re seen by doctors. We’re in a vulnerable position, and it’s not always easy to assert ourselves and make our concerns fully understood. Our question this episode: how can we set ourselves up for successful interactions when there’s an imbalance of power?

This episode topic is inspired by a recent experience I had going to the doctor. Over the course of two days, I saw three different doctors about a problem I was having with my leg. While they were all pleasant to deal with and well-meaning, they also talked really fast, seemed to focus on one part of my story without hearing the whole thing, and scared me a bit with words like “surgery.” I felt a bit frustrated because I wished I’d had the wherewithal to ask them to slow down their explanations and ask more questions. It occurred to me that I can’t be alone in feeling this way, so I decided to seek out someone who could give us some tips on advocating for ourselves in those very stressful situations. Even though our focus is on talking with your doctor, the information applies to almost any conversation with someone with expertise, which could be a lawyer, accountant or financial advisor, veterinarian, or others with authority and specialized knowledge. Hosted by Beth L. Buelow, PCC. More information at howcanisaythis.com

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Ep23: Complainers and Energy Drainers with Linda Swindling Feb 14, 2019

Show notes

There’s at least one in every office, family, or group: the person who says things like, “Why do we have to do this?” “This is too complicated!” “No one ever helps me.” They seem to be focused on whatever is wrong about a situation but rarely offer up any solutions. And they seem get suck the energy out of the room in the process. Our question this episode: how do we best communicate with the complainers and energy drainers in our lives?

This episode features a conversation with author and negotiation expert Linda Swindling. Together, we dig into the different types of complainers that you might encounter at work or at home, looking at what motivates them and how we can use that information to improve our relationships with them. Hosted by Beth L. Buelow, PCC. More information at howcanisaythis.com

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Ep22: Money: Make the Case, Make the Ask with Grace Judson Feb 07, 2019

Show notes

When I was in grad school for arts administration, we learned a basic fact in our fundraising course that I’ve never forgotten: the number one reason people don’t give money to charity is because they aren’t asked. That goes not only for donations, but for raises, for project funds, or any other situation where direct ask has to happen in order for money to change hands. Our question this episode: how do we frame a request for money so that we increase our chances of success?

I’m pleased to welcome Grace Judson back to the show for a conversation about something many of us get tied up in knots about: asking for money. Hosted by Beth L. Buelow, PCC. More information and resources at HowCanISayThis.com

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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