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How Can I Say This… — Science
How Can I Say This…

The “How Can I Say This…” podcast offers tips and advice for interpersonal communications challenges, such as difficult conversations, conflict, giving and receiving feedback, negotiating, and other situations where what you say and how you say it makes all the difference.

Your host is Beth Buelow, PCC, founder of ZOPA Consulting and author of “The Introvert Entrepreneur: Amplify Your Strengths and Create Success on Your Own Terms.” Beth’s credentialed professional coach and trained mediator. She loves finding the “Zone of Possible Agreement” (ZOPA!) in any situation that comes her way. She hosted The Introvert Entrepreneur Podcast from 2010-2018.

In every episode of “How Can I Say This…”, you’ll find ideas about how to handle your communication conundrums; tips on feeling more confident and comfortable with conflict; opportunities to learn from real-life situations through questions shared by listeners; and ultimately, gain skills and techniques for dealing with sticky situations at work and home. Of course, we can’t be all talk and no action; each show will end with an invitation to try a particular technique or approach that came up in the episode.

Episodes will feature a mixture of commentary, listener questions, and expert guest interviews and contributions. The scope of conversation will evolve over time… we’re open to seeing where this goes. Thanks for joining us on the journey!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Latest Episodes:

Ep41: Flipping Failure with Sarah McVanel (Part 1) Jul 12, 2019

Show notes

There are things we say we’re okay with, but when the rubber meets the road, we balk. Failure is one such thing. Our society often hands us contradictory messages that failure isn’t an option, while saying it’s important we learn from our mistakes. Yes, context is everything. We don’t want a surgeon operating on us to decide failure is an option they can take. But most of us hold ourselves to a surgeon’s standards, saying we’re okay with failure but then feeling like the world is ending when it actually happens. Our question this episode: how can we re-calibrate our relationship to failure so that it’s productive, not destructive?

My guest today is Sarah McVanel, who is going to share with us insights she gained as she wrote her latest book, "The Flip Side of Failing." Hosted by Beth L. Buelow. More info at howcanisaythis.com.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Ep40: Freedom of Speech Reflections Jul 05, 2019

Show notes

Family picnics, sparklers, and watermelon seed spitting contests. These are all part of the fourth of July fun here in the United States. While it’s an opportunity to say that funnel cake has no calories because it’s a holiday, it’s also a chance to celebrate the ideals that our country was founded on, especially the first amendment. Our question this episode: what does it mean to exercise our right to free speech effectively and responsibly?

In this episode, I offer some brief reflections on the first amendment, specifically about free speech, as a way to acknowledge the observance of Independence Day here in the US. And of course, because the US isn’t the only country to enjoy free speech, I hope at least pieces of what I have to say apply to listeners in the 49 other countries that are part of the How Can I Say This… community. I’m going to offer a bit of historical and legal context for the first amendment, but being that I’m neither a historian nor a lawyer, and I’m not prepared to dive into the highly complex topic of what freedom of speech means from a legalistic standpoint, I’m going to quickly pivot to more practical, everyday applications that inform how we express ourselves and communicate with one another. Hosted by Beth L. Buelow, PCC. More information at howcanisaythis.com

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Ep39: Is It Empathy or Hijacking? Jun 21, 2019

Show notes

One of the ways we form connections with one another is by noticing where our experiences overlap. It’s a wonderful moment when that noticing leads to empathy and intimacy. But just like anything wonderful, there’s a flip side. Our question this episode: when does saying, “I know how you feel” shift from empathy to hijacking?

A recent coaching session inspired me to share a few words on today’s topic of empathy versus hijacking. When it came up in the session, it reinforced something that I learned early in my coach training: clients will come to you with the same challenges you as a coach have dealt with, either in the past or present. It creates a special sort of tension in the coach’s mind; as much as we know that what the client is going through isn’t about us and that sharing our experience might just muddy the waters, we’re human. We will feel an impulse to say, “oh my gosh, I’ve had that happen to me, too” or “I know exactly how you feel.” But we’re trained to check that impulse, and most of the time, it’s the right thing to do. It was just this week, however, when I put two and two together and fully realized that it’s not just coaches or other professionals who listen for a living that would benefit from some self-management strategies. Hosted by Beth L. Buelow, PCC. More info at howcanisaythis.com

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Ep38: Brave Interfaith Conversations in the Workplace with Zahabia Ahmed-Usmani and Kyle Kooyers Jun 13, 2019

Show notes

Religion ranks right up there with politics, sex and money as a subject that is mostly off-limits in the workplace. Whether it’s obviously part of someone’s identity or completely invisible to others, our spiritual beliefs inform everything from what we wear or eat, what holidays we do or don’t celebrate, what we name our children, and how we live our lives in general. With it being so pervasive, it’s not reasonable to try to ignore it because we’re uncomfortable with the topic. Our question this episode: how can we bring deeper understanding and respect for a wide range of faith-based beliefs and practices in our workplaces?

My guests today are Zahabia Ahmed-Usmani and Kyle Kooyers of the Kaufman Interfaith Institute, and we’re going to talk about how to create a culture that is interfaith friendly and how to gracefully handle oops and ouch moments when we talk about faith. Hosted by Beth L. Buelow. More information at howcanisaythis.com.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Ep37: Ethics, Criticism and Rivals with Yonason Goldson Jun 07, 2019

Show notes

When we think of how we communicate on a personal level, we don’t naturally think of it in terms of ethics and responsibility. But there’s an ethical component to our relationships that is important to acknowledge and discuss. This is especially true when it comes to conversations that happen in groups or that impact large numbers of people, like they do in our neighborhoods, work, schools, places of worship, and government. Our question this episode: what can ethics teach us about effective communication?

My guest today is Yonason Goldson, who will give us some insights on how ethics can inform how we communicate with others, and what our experiences in professional settings can tell us about how to have better conversations about sticky topics – such as politics – in personal settings.

Immediately after our conversation, I’m going to turn to a listener question from Jessica, who wants to know how to communicate better to her fast-moving boss.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Ep36: Introverts and Extroverts in Conversation May 31, 2019

Show notes

There are lots of reasons why we get our wires crossed when communicating with others. Some of it might have to do with our mood, our assumptions, our past experiences, the nature of the relationship between us and the person we’re talking to, and even bigger picture reasons such as race, gender, religion and other identities that inform how we relate to one another. One trait that falls on the spectrum of communication obstacles is whether someone is coming from an introvert or extrovert perspective. Our question this episode: how do we honor our own introvert or extrovert style while being accommodating to others?

In this episode, we’re going to look at how a particular energetic trait- whether you’re an introvert or extrovert – influences how we communicate. This is fresh on my mind, since I gave a keynote presentation in Chicago a week and a half ago on the topic. It was also the focus of my work from 2010-2018, so much so that I wrote a book related to the subject called The Introvert Entrepreneur, a little of which I’ll share in this episode. While I’ve expanded my business focus, I still care about spreading the word about how introverts can live more fully in alignment with their strengths and their natural energy. Since that’s not a topic that’s come up specifically in this podcast, it felt like a great time to give it its own episode. Hosted by Beth L. Buelow, PCC. More information at howcanisaythis.com and theintrovertentrepreneur.com

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Ep35: Empathy in Action in Difficult Conversations May 10, 2019

Show notes

When it comes to difficult conversations, we’re often focused on what divides us. We are acutely aware of the ways in which we are different from one another. After all, that’s probably what makes the conversation difficult! But if we’re able to balance that difference with commonalities, we’ll have a better chance at easing the conflict. Our question this episode: how does empathy help move us towards a deeper understanding of one another?

This is a continuing exploration of the 4 Keys to More Civil Conversations. Last week, we looked at humility. This week, we’re going to take a closer look at empathy: what it means, if we can cultivate it, and the role it plays in difficult conversations. Hosted by Beth L. Buelow, PCC. More information at howcanisaythis.com. Please consider subscribing, and know that your shares, reviews, and comments are appreciated!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Ep34: Humility, Ego, and Civil Conversations May 04, 2019

Show notes

If we’ve spent a lot of time thinking about our values and beliefs and how those apply to social and cultural issues, then we can become very attached to thinking that we’re right, they’re wrong, and that’s that. But remember: everyone feels that way, and the person you think is wrong thinks they’re right, and you’re wrong, and that’s that. We’re left with an impenetrable wall between us that only becomes taller as we dig in our heels. But there is another way. Our question this episode: what role does humility play in challenging conversations? Hosted by Beth L Buelow, PCC. More information at howcanisaythis.com

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Ep33: How to Talk with Kids About Tough Topics with Dakota Duncan Apr 26, 2019

Show notes

When a challenge is big, scary, or complex, sometimes it feels easiest to bury our heads in the sand and hope that someone else figures it all out. That might work with some things, but it doesn’t work with the stuff that affects us all, like climate change. We have to find a way to talk about it. And that urgency is compounded when we have kids. Our question this episode: how do we talk with kids about a complex, emotional topic such as climate change?

My guest today is Dakota Duncan, who will give us some advice on having a potentially difficult conversation with children about the environment and climate change. That might seem like a narrow focus, but in reality, you’ll find her insights useful for a range of difficult conversations with adults and children like. Hosted by Beth L Buelow, PCC. More information at howcanisaythis.com

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Ep32: How to Ask Better Questions (Part 2) Apr 18, 2019

Show notes

Throughout our education, we’re often so focused on being able to answer questions, we forget to pay attention to how skilled we are at asking them. But our ability to get good information from someone is directly connected to our ability to ask good questions. Our question this episode: what can we do to make our questions more productive and effective?

In this episode, I continue an exploration of the art and science of asking good questions. It’s something we do every day – at least, I hope we’re asking questions every day! – but we don’t often think about how effective our questions are in moving us forward with our goals, whether that’s finding out your partner’s thoughts about taking a summer vacation to persuading a colleague to support your idea at work. Hosted by Beth L Buelow, PCC. More information at howcanisaythis.com

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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