Hand in Hand Parenting: The Podcast

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**Hand in Hand Parenting: The Podcast**

When children’s behavior is difficult, parents need support, good information, and practical tools to reduce stress, understand their child’s emotions, and build cooperation and warm connection in the family. Join Elle Kwan and Abigail Wald as they share the Hand in Hand Parenting approach with useful examples and stories from real parents like you.

Latest Episodes:

What Should I Say When My Child is Upset? Aug 02, 2022

Show notes

Responding from the thinking brain versus reacting from the emotional system.

How do you feel when you child won't stop complaining about a playdate that didn't go their way?

Or when they scream "I hate you," because you said no to a fizzy soda minutes before dinner?

Many parents find their emotions flare at these times too. We may have an urge to explain, reason, lecture or teach when a child is upset.

And when we find that doesn't work, we might get angry and yell – even if we don't want to.

So even if we want to be calm and supportive, we can't!

Why listening to a child's upset is key to moving them on

This week, Emily and Kathy explain why brain science says that listening to an upset child is often the best way to support a child through their hard, loud, emotional moments…

…And why just listening can be so difficult for parents!

When parents can notice and move from a reactive state and into their thinking brain they can avoid becoming caught up and triggered by big feelings.

That way, they can lean in, listen and hold the space children need to recover and move on.

Emily and Kathy share ideas on how to go from reactive to responsive when a child is upset, and one or two things you can say that help.

Tune In To Hear:

How to identify when you've slipped into the "emotional soup swamp," that's reactive.

Why questions and reasoning distracts kids and pulls them away from their own recovery process.

Helpful words you can say to support an upset child, whether they are whining, crying or angry.

How to translate a child's hurtful or triggering words to ground yourself.

The value of appearing unworried and at ease around an upset child.

Is There a Way to Stop Tantrums and Crying? Jul 26, 2022

Show notes

What is the true purpose of crying, and why are we in such a rush to shut tears down?

When a child cries, a parent's first instinct is to try and help them to stop. But tears are helpful for a child's natural healing system. Sitting calmly with a child as they cry can even boost their sense of wellbeing and confidence.

This week, Emily and Kathy share why tantrums and crying happen, so we can change how we respond to them.

Plus, they share an effective way to support children until they work through the cry and stop naturally.

Listen in for a unique new viewpoint and strategy on how to stop tantrums and crying.

Tune In To Hear:

Why kids collect emotions like books in a backpack – and why crying happens when the pack gets too heavy.

Why emotional hurts can be like grit in a scraped knee, and how crying is a healthy way to wash them clean (which leads to confidence, resilience and even better cooperation).

How shushing, distracting or prompting a child to stop crying can lead to more crying, clinginess and off track behavior – and what to do instead.

Tantrums at a time that is convenient to you? Yes! Why it pays to listen early when your children's upset is beginning to bubble so it's easier to ride the wave of emotion without getting reactive.
Staying out of the way – why it's almost always better to say very little, instead of offering ideas or solutions.

Why Do Kids Get So Clingy and Needy After Parents Give Them More Attention? Jul 19, 2022

Show notes

If you expect a child to go off happily and play after giving them some good attention, you maybe in for some disappointment. Here's why...

If you spend more time with your child…

If you make life more fun than usual…

If you have a good play and a great time…

Why, oh why, would a child demand more attention afterwards?

Extra neediness just seems counter-intuitive doesn't it?

And yet, this phenomenon happens again and again.

After an extra playful day or a fun activity do you notice:

Your child whines and cries?

They bug the cat or their sibling?

Play by themselves? Are you kidding?

Huh?! No wonder so many parents get frustrated and confused when this happens.

In this week's podcast, Emily and Kathy dive into why kids get more clingy even after they get some attention.

Tune In To Hear:

Why your attention is still essential and good for your child! (Don't give it up!)

About "transaction" expectations and why it pays to shift them

More about how children's own fears and tensions get in the way and hold them back after they've had a good time

What parents do – often without knowing – to promote a clingy, needy or whiny response, and how to quickly change this

Hints and tips for getting the very best out of one-on-one time together

Why it pays to make time and space for tears, upsets or anger after a fun outing or activity

How Can I Finally Stop My Child's Repetitive Annoying Behaviors? Jul 18, 2022

Show notes

Do some of your children's annoying behaviors show up time and time again?

This week Emily and Kathy are talking about a child's repetitive annoying behaviors that just will not go away.

You've probably been there:

Yet another meltdown when you call breakfast and your toddler sees oatmeal, not cereal.

Two kids who consistently squabble all the way to school.

A child who cannot take a shower without screaming and crying.

Why is it that no matter what you do you cannot conquer these repeat annoying, frustrating behaviors?

Find out this week. Discover why some kids dig their heels in about some things, and how parent responses can play a huge role in shifting these persistent behaviors.

Tune In To Hear:

Overwhelmed, flustered or stuck? Why what you feel matters too – more than you think.

Matching expectations: Get in sync and you'll see breakthroughs with behavior

One thing you can do to stop behavior spiraling into a big power battle or meltdown

Why it pays to notice how your child asks you to reconnect (hint -> we often miss these important clues)

How flipping the switch on your own resistance brings big rewards: More ease, contentment and happy times.

Why All Bad Behavior is a Signal—and the Different Ways You Can Respond to Turn It Around Jun 13, 2022

Show notes

Parents frequently ask hosts Emily and Kathy about how to stop bad behaviors, and the answer they give is often a surprise...

Kathy explains that refusals, tantrums, whining and fighting or are not mindless acts of disobedience intended to push your buttons. Actually, these challenging behaviors can be seen as signals.

It's why responding with conventional parenting strategies like timeouts and rewards won't work in these moments. The truth is, these responses can reinforce the behavior. But when parents responding to the core need, they see cooperation increase.

Whether your child battles against tidy ups, mealtimes or showers, (or all of these!), tune into The Hand in Hand Parent Club Podcast this week.

Unpack what your child is really trying to tell you when their behavior gets challenging.

Tune In To Hear:

Three questions you can ask yourself as soon as your child pushes back.

Identifying patterns in bad behavior: Is it repetitive or a one-off response and how you can use that information before you respond.

Why a "juicy connection" can dissolve stubborn or defiant behavior.

How to hold space for a child's feelings even if you can't identify what's upsetting them.

Why a fight about an iPad is not really about an iPad…

What your child is really saying when they rage, fight back or cry about things they are normally happy to do.

How to set and hold a limit to get to the heart of what's underneath a child's behavior.

Why these strategies support your child's emotional well-being so that they can get past the behavior, find calm, and co-operate.

What's Next? How About a Mind Flip Nov 07, 2019

Show notes

Now that the Hand in Hand podcast is on hiatus, are you wondering where to get parenting support direct to your eats? You're invited to join Abigail during the hiatus for her Mother Flipping Awesome podcast where she does a deep dive with one mama in each show. And you get to listen in. #mindflip #parentingtransformed

Handling the Halloween Howls Using the Hand in Hand Tools Oct 31, 2019

Show notes

This week: Handling Halloween Using the Hand in Hand Tools

So, your kids are fighting over the Halloween candy stash, and their sugar highs (and begging for more) send your blood pressure soaring. Maybe you have a child who is scarred by scare season's ghosts and ghouls - or simply refuses to be a part of the festivities.

Have no fear!

Elle and Abigail show you how to handle common Halloween howls using the Hand in Hand tools. Settle back with your pumpkin latte and get tricks you can use to make Halloween the family-centred treat you deserve.

Take a sneak peek into this week's podcast:

Why Halloween can bring out the worst in our kids
What happens to a child's brain when they are melting down and how you can respond in a way that reaches and nurtures
Which Hand in Hand tools are most useful for handling the Halloween howls
Abigail's genius route to peaceful resolutions when two or more kids are going at it
How to play your way out of scare season fear and even anger

Listen now!

Get more great resources for handling Halloween with calm and confidence:

For kids that are scared or fearful: How to Help Kids Face Their Fears with Play
For help setting limits on candy: Loving the Candy (Setting Limits at Halloween)

Free Guide to Sibling Rivalry

Fights over candy, toys, time and your attention? You need this free guide on Surviving Sibling Rivalry using Hand in Hand Parenting tools and ideas.

Every week Abigail will walk along with a parent, right in their shoes, working with them to flip their parenting challenges. Visitwww.motherflippingawesome.com/mfapodcast

You're Invited To The Celebration - 100th Episode Podcast Party Starring YOU Oct 25, 2019

Show notes

Happy 100!

This week - for our 100th episode - we turned the microphone over to you all.

And we are SO excited to share this episode.

You'll hear just what led parents to the Hand in Hand podcast, the breathtaking transformations you have seen happen in your parenting, and the different ways you all use the podcast from week to week.

We're thrilled and humbled by the community that has gathered since we started the Hand in Hand Parenting podcast two years ago!

This Week We Listen To Your Voices

Take a listen and see if you hear yourself!

There's comments that'll make you laugh, comments that'll have you nodding your head in agreement, and comments that will surely tug at your heartstrings.

But at the centre of it all is immense caring, movement and community.

And it's so powerful!

Your good work is a force for change. You're telling us how your perspectives are shifting, and with them, your struggles. We hear how you are becoming more playful with your kids and more understanding.

You are embracing being the parents you knew you could be.

Triple yee-haa!

We wanted to thank you so much for being with us each week because you are as much of this podcast as us.

Get ready to be uplifted hearing all that you are and all that you aspire to be. Listen to You're Invited To The Celebration now. We can't wait for you to hear this.

Oh, and a million hugs and thanks for everyone who sent messages and emails to be included in this episode. We are touched and honored by your contributions

More Resources for Getting The Support You Need As A Parent

This episode shows just how valuable regular support and guidance can be to your parenting. Do these three things to ensure that you get that support for yourself:

Join our Group. Did you know you can dive into our free Parent Connect group? Our instructors are in there daily sharing tools, ideas and advice on Hand in Hand Parenting. Not on Facebook? We hear you, but this was the most accessible platform we could find. We think it's worth joining just for this group.
Keep up with Abigail. Abigail is about ready to release her own podcast. Every week she'll be walking along with one parent, right in their shoes, working with them to flip their parenting challenges. Visit www.motherflippingawesome.com to see when it's happening.
Get weekly Hand in Hand Parenting inspiration right to your inbox. Every week we highlight strategies around a parenting challenge, share freebies and checklists, new videos and interviews, and show you how to make the most of Hand in Hand Parenting. You'll also be the first to know when the podcast returns for its second series. Get it here.

So, How Far Have You Come in Your Parenting? Oct 16, 2019

Show notes

Where were you two years ago in parenting?

Sometimes we get so caught up in the present-day challenges we forget to look back and see the progress we've made.

And we should!

A week before the 100th episode of the Hand in Hand Parenting Podcast, Elle and Abigail do just that, with an affectionate look back over the last two years they've been making the podcast.

Abigail talks about how her kids have adopted, rely on, and now take ownership of the tools, and Elle recalls the sleeping and eating challenges they've overcome, plus how emotionally aware her kids are since the tools have become a regular feature of family life.

Now, your turn!

Here's why we need to look back sometimes...

This episode serves as a reminder of all the miraculous change and good you are doing now and can expect more of in the future.

Listen this week and then scan back over your own milestones, challenges and successes and drink in how far you've come.

How many can you chalk up?

Listen to So, How Far Have Your Come in Your Parenting?

Come celebrate the amazing work you are doing as parents.

More support for your parenting

Get these five ideas to make parenting less stressful to keep close when things get hard

Read A Love Letter to Parents

Can't chalk up any recent high points? Listen to Are You Headed for Parent Burnout?

Stay connected

We'd love to hear about your parenting challenges. You can follow Hand in Hand on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, and Instagram. Be sure to drop Elle and Abigail a message at podcast@handinhandparenting.org

Get weekly tips, ideas, and inspiration for your parenting in our newsletter

The Best Ways to Rise Strong After Mom Shame Oct 10, 2019

Show notes

Your heart sinks as you join the long line of people snaking the aisle at the grocery store.

Your baby is already making those noises she makes when she wants you to hold her, and there are about 15 minutes until she needs feeding.

You are pretty sure this line will take double that.

How did this happen?

You tried to get out to the store all day, but between your friend dropping in, the late nap, and your toddler refusing to get on his shoes you arrived late. (There's 15 playful ideas for getting out the house here).

Now, he's begging for snacks, your baby's cries are escalating and this line doesn't seem to be moving. You pull your baby out of the cart and land her on your hips and she quiets for a few minutes.

But with about three people ahead of you, she's screaming again. She's late for her feed. You notice your son has dumped a few fistfuls of candy bars into the cart, and he wails as your dump them back out. The baby cries harder, and you quickly unbutton your shirt so she can feed, you can pay, and you can all get to the car.

You fumble in your bag for the dried apples your son likes and hand him one.

You breathe. It's going to be ok...

An Already Hard Situation Gets Harder

And then a stranger taps you on the shoulder.

"The feeding room is over there," she nods. "You shouldn't breastfeed here. It's offensive."

The Best Ways to Rise Strong after Mom Shame

Have you ever been mom-shamed? Or felt judgment in your parenting choices? That moment when things are already feel bad and some person moves in and just makes things feel a hundred times worse?

Join us this week as Abigail describes the gut-wrenching time she got mom-shamed smack bang during one of her most desperate times in parenting.

She explains the exact advice she got that helped her rise strong and move on from mom shame, and we talk about how you can too.

See mom-shaming for what it really is
Who to turn to when you've been mom-shamed
Why you deserve support when parenting gets hard
Small but mighty ways you can help empower other moms and pass mom caring on

Bounce back from parent shame. Join us this week for The Best Ways to Rise Strong After Mom Shame.

Get More Resouces For Rising Strong After Mom Shame

Abigail invites you to join this intimate call with five of the wonderful mom's she's worked with. Find out what transformations they made in their families, and how you can too.

Join here: https://www.motherflippingawesome.com/meet-mfa-mamas