Freedom from Attachment

Latest Episodes:

#658 Journey of Attachment: Why Won’t He/She Commit? (REBROADCAST) Aug 30, 2022

Show notes

A lot of people have one foot in and one foot out… in all areas of life. In this podcast, however, I’m going to focus on commitment (or lack thereof) when it comes to long-term relationships, whether you are in one or want to be in one. We are often quick to point out someone else’s commitment issues while failing to see our own. Remember, other people are a mirror for you. Whatever you identify as a problem in someone else is likely a problem for you. As an example: When you think, “If my partner really loved me, he/she would marry me,” you’re focused on what you can get from them; you’re giving your power away. That statement comes from fear, not love. Marriage may provide temporary validation, but it can’t fill the emptiness inside of you. In dysfunctional relationships, we wait for the other person to change, because we think WE are the healthy one. Nope, not true. It takes two to tango so if you believe it’s all on your partner, you’re wrong. The question isn’t, “How do I get a commitment from my partner?” You need to ask yourself why you want the commitment, and why it’s more important than anything else. Dig deep, why must you have this commitment? What does it give you inside of yourself? Where do you feel insecure, and why do you think that will go away if this person commits to you? These are hard questions, but you need to be clear with yourself before you can have clarity with your partner… which is the next step. Have a conversation that isn’t an ultimatum. Say what’s true for you. Get vulnerable and express your fears. Commitment isn’t about the other person; it’s about honoring yourself and what you want on a DEEPER level.

#657 Personalizing Keeps You Stuck in a Dysfunctional Relationship (REBROADCAST) Aug 23, 2022

Show notes

Are you always reading into what your significant other is doing--or not doing? Every ignored text, every forwarded call becomes a sign of the way they feel about you. When you take every action personally, you are giving them authority over your emotional state. To fight this helpless feeling, you may have turned to the silent treatment. Whether you’re ignoring them as a punishment or a way to make them miss you, it’s giving you a false sense of control. The key to a healthy relationship is not to ignore them, but to communicate openly about your feelings. You have to stop focusing on what you think is about you and focus on what you can control--your own actions. In today’s episode, learn how to stop personalizing others and take control of your emotions.

#656 Moving On to a Healthy and Thriving Life! with Jeff Sammut Aug 17, 2022

Show notes

Jeff Sammut is a comedy writer, performer and host of “Canada Now with Jeff Sammut” on Sirius XM. Growing up, Jeff was surrounded by radio and fell in love with it at a young age. Lucky for him, he snagged his first radio job at age of 17… and 27 years later, he’s still working in it. Jeff admits he’s fortunate. Not everyone knows what they want to do, let alone make it happen and still love it decades later. But luck is only part of the equation—Jeff credits famed improv school Second City for changing everything. Not only did it break him out of his shell and challenge him creatively, but he also learned how to fail in front of an audience, which has been invaluable in his work and his life. Join me for a spirited conversation with Jeff about his self-awareness journey of accepting reality and learning to ask for help, plus why he prefers radio over TV and the role insecurities play in conversations about polarizing topics. “Take the leap. Make sure it’s calculated, but take the leap. Don’t think that you can’t do it.” –Jeff Sammut Learn more about Jeff: http://www.jeffsammut.com/ Twitter: @jeffsammut Instagram: @sammutjeff

#655 The Struggle of Attachment Aug 16, 2022

Show notes

Attachment is the most painful form of struggle. Attachment to a person, an idea, food, money, a negative belief… the list goes on and on. That attachment is driven by fear, and it’s learned in childhood. You watched how love was given or withheld, and what you had to do in order to get it. Growing up you became attached to the way you saw the world, and your place in it. If you felt empty, you would become attached to whatever might fill you up. Struggle felt normal because that’s what you knew. But when you choose struggle, you tend to attract more of it, creating a vicious cycle. And so it goes with attachment—the tighter your grip, the more it shows up. So how do you stop? In this episode I’ll challenge you to really look at what you’re doing, then ask yourself where it comes from (your childhood conditioning), why you are attached to it and what it keeps you from realizing. This will give you insight into your attachment so you can slowly break the patterns that created it. Choice by choice, action by action, you can get off the struggle bus.

#654 Forget The Story of You Cannot, Because You Can! Aug 11, 2022

Show notes

Who’s the good girl and who’s the bad? I was always bad and tried to be good. I just did not fit in with the idea of good although, I was not out in the world doing bad things 24/7. I just questioned authority. I questioned the status quo and at times I felt I could do a better job at my work or in saving the world than others. You too? Cool you’re in the right place! You may have felt this way, and yet there is a part of you waiting to be proven wrong. Not the mature adult you, but that old part that was conditioned to “girls need to fit in and take care of others first.” Among so many other messages that did not serve you. The obstacles you place in your way start with you having to be the leader—yes you…if you were like me you were president of all your childhood clubs, you were inventing clubs for people to belong to…you were director and lead actress of all your plays as a little kid and so on….I always had to be in control but who knew then what my trajectory was going to be? I did. I marched to my own band. I also saw things from a different perspective, as many female leaders do. The issue only became an issue when I had to get others on my team to get as excited about things, that is when I started to sacrifice myself and say sorry, or worry I was wrong or bad, because someone disagreed with how I did my job or ran my business. Yes, always waiting to be found out but let me apologize in the meantime.

#653 I’m Not Good Enough or Too Much or… Let it Stop Stealing Your Happiness Aug 09, 2022

Show notes

Negative beliefs have a field day in your head, but they also creep out to your interactions with others, to you looking in the mirror and being judgmental and a plethora of other ways you rain on your own parade. WHY DO YOU NEED TO BE ANYONE ELSE? You are YOU…more feminine or more masculine—there is no right or wrong, but the truth is so many of you judge how you are supposed to be and then the sinking feeling when things do not go your way hits and you feel too much or not enough. Feeling not enough or too much in the moment stops you in the middle of a conversation, in the middle of anything and everything inside of your body. That heaviness, may have you immediately switch course to find a way to hide out, or it may have you say things out of fear of losing whatever attention you have on you….those feelings influence your choices when you are not okay with them. The judgment stick you use is what makes it hard to do the things you really want to do. And if it is a relationship, a job, money, socialization or just getting out of bed, it will deflate your energy and have you play small. Keeping you hooked in the scarcity of whatever you fear.

#652 What Your Parents Chose To Do Had Nothing To Do With You (REBROADCAST) Aug 02, 2022

Show notes

When you’re a kid and your mom or dad reacted to you at times as though you had done something wrong, and you had not. You might have felt misunderstood or confused by their words or actions. In those moments, mom or dad were dealing with their own stuff and some of their frustration, anger, exhaustion, sadness, anxiety, etc was put on you. As an adult, do you still carry baggage leftover from your parents' choices? We are clueless as kids, we have no idea why mom or dad feel how they do and treat us how they do. They weren’t saying, “Hey, I am really frustrated by this problem at work and I am sorry I took it out on you.” Or maybe they ignored you, no matter how much you wanted their attention? And at other time they told you that you were too much, too difficult, or always doing something wrong. Whatever it was that created the idea that you were somehow responsible for how your parents felt, it was not a true observation, even if they said how they felt was all your fault. The truth is: Your parents projected their own insecurities and issues onto you. Their choices had nothing to do with you, in how they chose to treat you and everything to do with the qualities they were lacking in how to deal. It's time to put down the baggage you've been carrying. In this podcast episode, you'll learn how to break through your old thoughts of who you are through someone else's eyes, and become who you really are.

#651 Moving On to a Healthy and Thriving Life! with Robbie Kramer Jul 27, 2022

Show notes

Robbie Kramer was popular in his small, private school growing up, but when he asked a girl out in 7th grade and got rejected, his confidence was crushed. It wasn’t until the end of his junior year of high school that he mustered up enough courage to try again. This time, it was successful and he continued his dating spree through college. After graduation, however, Robbie worked long hours at an investment bank and realized he didn’t know how to date in the traditional sense—when he wasn’t surrounded by college girls. This led him to study personal growth and attraction through books, workshops and mastermind groups. He discovered that attraction wasn’t just physical, and the act of attracting someone could be learned. Putting his new-found knowledge to the test, Robbie became the test subject in his own dating experiment. In 2006 he launched a blog that documented his crazy stories, growing his audience of men who wanted to crack the dating code themselves. In 2008, after losing his banking job, Robbie became a fulltime dating coach. Today he runs Inner Confidence, a coaching business that shows men exactly how to create the lifestyle of their dreams in a way that actually works. No quick fixes. No magic pills. Just tested, proven and easily implementable advice that works. Join me in this spirited conversation where Robbie shares dating tips from a male perspective, and learn what he did to take the pressure off dating, allowing him to take risks and ultimately build his own confidence. “There’s no way to escape the rejection aspect of dating…if you can get to the point where it’s not that big of a deal, you’re going to be way more confident than the rest of the dating pool.” –Robbie Kramer Learn more about Robbie at: Website: https://innerconfidence.com/ Instagram: @robbie_kramer

#650 Feeling Out of Control From No Text Response (or Wanting a Better One!) Jul 26, 2022

Show notes

You just poured your heart out to a friend or mate via text and got some annoying response like “sorry to hear that,” or no reply at all. What gives? Now on top of feeling vulnerable from what you just shared, you’re hurt, confused and angry. How dare they make you feel this way! Wait, how can someone MAKE you feel something? They can’t. No one reaches inside you and presses a button that causes your reaction. You feel this way because you’re attached to an outcome; perhaps you were expecting sympathy, validation, concern or something else from them. This is how insecure attachment works, folks. Wanting something from someone and not getting it can stir up anxiety and neediness, or it can cause you to shut down and run. Maybe both! The antidote? First, understand your intention. Second, speak your truth because truth isn’t attached to an outcome. It is a pure expression from your heart that expects nothing in return. That’s what we’re talking about in this episode because expectations like these are painful, and they can damage relationships.

#649 Insecure Attachment Affects Your Job and Money Too! (REBROADCAST) Jul 19, 2022

Show notes

The hard truth about insecure attachment is that it doesn’t just affect your personal relationships. It affects every part of your life, including your career. Whether you’re struggling with boundaries at work or micromanaging your coworkers to feel validation, all your behaviors stem from fear. You’re afraid that your colleagues will see you as a failure, or they will criticize you. I’ve been in your shoes, and I let my insecurity affect my work life for a long time. Despite being promoted, managing others, I was a huge people-pleaser and perfectionist, despite winning sales awards, I never felt fulfilled. I would swing from one management extreme to the next, micromanaging and then letting them fend for themselves. I held so many negative feelings toward my work, as I was truly disconnected from it, but I stayed there because I was afraid. This insecure attachment is costing you opportunities, money, and happiness. If you’re ready to make a change and start taking action in your work, listen to today’s episode. Sick of being insecurely attached? Click here to get my free meditative insecure attachment release: tracy-crossley.mykajabi.com/pl/140617

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