Empowered Relationship Podcast: Your Relationship Resource And Guide

Connect with Gayane Aramyan

Websites: therapywithgayane.com

Instagram: instagram.com/therapywithgayane

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 447: Biohacking Exercises To Counteract “The Unnaturalness Of Sustaining Love” In Relationship — An Interview with Dr. Warren Farrell Oct 22, 2024

Criticism, defensiveness, and emotional withdrawal can become major roadblocks, making the journey toward a fulfilling relationship seem almost unattainable. How do couples navigate these natural challenges and cultivate a deeper, more enduring connection?

In this episode, listeners will discover practical tools and mindful practices intended to transform criticism into connected communication. By exploring specific appreciation techniques, scheduled sharing practices, and innovative exercises like "caring and sharing" sessions, couples can nurture a safer emotional environment. With insights into balancing playfulness with constructive dialogue and creating conflict-free zones, this episode aims to equip partners with the skills needed to cultivate lasting intimacy and emotional security in their relationships.

Warren Farrell, PhD, has coached couples and psychologists worldwide in couples’ communication for the past 30 years. His popular course is "Role Mate to Soul Mate: The Art and Discipline of Love."

Dr. Farrell has been chosen by the Financial Times of London as one of the world’s top 100 thought leaders. His books are published in 19 languages, and include The New York Times bestseller Why Men Are the Way They Are, international bestseller The Myth of Male Power, and 2018's The Boy Crisis. His previous book on couples’ communication, Women Can’t Hear What Men Don’t Say, was a selection of the Book of the Month Club.

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website. In this episode

06:20 From gender awareness to relationship transformation: A journey of advocacy and education.

10:50 Overcoming defensive listening with caring practices.

17:45 The importance of creating a safe environment for couples to handle criticism by regulating their nervous systems.

22:41 Cultivating deep connections through specific appreciation and conflict management.

32:48 How partners can effectively respond to critical comments while prioritizing thoughtful communication.

39:23 Enhancing relationship dynamics through awareness and accountability.

45:58 The importance of play and teasing in strengthening couple dynamics.

Mentioned

Role Mate to Soul Mate: The Seven Secrets to Lifelong Love (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

The Boy Crisis: Why Our Boys Are Struggling and What We Can Do About It (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

Women Can't Hear What Men Don't Say: Destroying Myths, Creating Love (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

Why Men Are the Way They Are: The Male-Female Dynamic (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

The Myth of Male Power (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

Why Men Earn More (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

Connect with Dr. Warren Farell

Websites: warrenfarrell.com

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

ERP 110: How to Manage Two Majorly Conflicting Needs in Relationship

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 446: Dealing With Betrayal in Relationship & Learning to Forgive — An Interview with Dr. Bruce Chalmer Oct 15, 2024

Infidelity—it's a word that can send shockwaves through even the most stable relationships. In our tech-driven world, the boundaries and expectations surrounding loyalty and commitment seem more convoluted than ever. Without clear communication and defined agreements, even the most well-meaning partners can find themselves entangled in misunderstandings and unanticipated crises.

In this episode, we dive deep into the complexity of infidelity within contemporary relationships. We explore the importance of having candid conversations about monogamy and other expectations with your partner, guided by insights from experienced relationship experts. By examining real-life scenarios and discussing therapeutic concepts such as Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), we aim to equip you with practical tools for handling betrayal. Additionally, we delve into the nuanced process of forgiveness, self-compassion, and the potential for growth and transformation that can arise from relationship challenges.

Dr. Bruce Chalmer is a psychologist in Vermont who has been working with couples for over thirty years. Through his teaching, consulting, and books, his ideas have helped thousands of couples and their therapists. Together with his wife Judy Alexander, Dr. Chalmer hosts the podcast “Couples Therapy in Seven Words.” His most recent book is "Betrayal and Forgiveness: How to Navigate the Turmoil and Learn to Trust Again.”

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website. In this episode

06:41 Dr. Bruce Chalmer’s profound exploration of forgiveness and betrayal in relationships.

10:31 How infidelity's evolving definitions complicate relationship expectations.

13:52 What forgiveness truly means: Accepting reality without condoning actions.

23:29 Three steps to forgiveness.

34:01 Struggles with emotional connection due to trauma.

40:53 How attachment system impacts security and emotional responses.

47:15 Communication issues often indicate deeper underlying conflicts.

49:16 Why only one partner can be upset simultaneously.

55:16 Why assigning good or bad is often misleading.

Mentioned

Betrayal and Forgiveness (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

My Stroke of Insight (*TED Talks link) (video)

Crucible Institute by Dr. David Schnarch (website)

Intimacy & Desire by Dr. David Schnarch (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

Resurrecting Sex by Dr. David Schnarch (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

Passionate Marriage by Dr. David Schnarch (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

ERP 015: Do You Have a “Unity” or “Journey” Mindset in Relationship?

ERP 423: How to Transcend Trauma (And the Effects Experience in Relationship) — An Interview with Dr. Frank Anderson

The Gottman Institute (website)

Connect with Dr. Bruce Chalmer

Websites: brucechalmer.com | couplestherapyinsevenwords.com

Facebook: facebook.com/drbrucechalmer

YouTube: youtube.com/user/brucechalmer

LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/bruce-chalmer-95ab70305/

Podcast: podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/couples-therapy-in-seven-words/id1517231158

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 445: How the Symptoms of Anxiety Can Indicate an Underlying Issue — An Interview with Dr. Nicole Cain Oct 08, 2024

Anxiety can seep into our lives like an uninvited guest, disrupting our relationships, altering our moods, and even impacting our physical health. The struggle to recognize and address the roots of this pervasive issue often leaves us feeling overwhelmed and helpless. What if we could reframe our understanding of anxiety, seeing it not as a problem to be suppressed, but as a messenger of deeper, underlying issues? Could this shift in perspective transform not only our personal well-being but also our interpersonal connections?

In this episode, we dive deep into the nuances of anxiety, exploring its complex relationship with our bodies, minds, and interactions with others. We discuss practical strategies for setting personal limits to prevent burnout, share insights from groundbreaking research on anxiety and trauma, and introduce step-by-step algorithms that empower you to uncover and heal root causes. You'll discover how integrating biological and psychological knowledge can lead to a more holistic approach to mental health, paving the way for healthier, more fulfilling relationships. Tune in to learn how you can turn your symptoms into powerful access points for healing and personal growth.

Nicole Cain, ND, MA, is a pioneer in integrative approaches for mental and emotional wellness. With a degree in clinical psychology, training in EMDR, and being licensed as a naturopathic physician in the state of Arizona, her approach to mental health is multidisciplinary: medical, psychological, and holistic.

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website. In this episode

08:03 Can anxiety be healed or just managed?

12:34 How medications like SSRIs and Benzodiazepines can impact relationships.

21:45 How trauma triggers persistent protective responses.

25:06 High-functioning individuals often mask internal struggles.

32:17 How understanding anxiety as data can transform healing and relationships.

36:48 How emotional adaptations from trauma protect us but can also cause issues. 40:08 Identifying root causes rather than just treating symptoms.

46:20 Expert guidance for calming the nervous system and optimizing health recovery.

55:49 Reflecting growth in relationships: Navigating subjective feedback and personal reactions.

Mentioned

Panic Proof: The New Holistic Solution to End Your Anxiety Forever (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

ERP 423: How to Transcend Trauma (And the Effects Experience in Relationship) — An Interview with Dr. Frank Anderson

Connect with Dr. Nicole Cain

Websites: drnicolecain.com

Facebook: facebook.com/DrNicoleCain

YouTube: youtube.com/channel/UCe-hcFYhi5QMmXcR_kNippQ

Instagram: instagram.com/drnicolecain

Podcast: podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/holistic-inner-balance-natural-mental-health-podcast/id1506869161 | drnicolecain.com/podcast

Pinterest: pinterest.com/drnicolecain

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

The Highly Sensitive Person Test

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 444: A Major Block To Sexual Desire and Sexual Intimacy In Long-Term Relationship — An Interview With Irene Fehr Oct 01, 2024

Have you ever felt that your sensitivities in a relationship are misunderstood or undervalued? Are you struggling with maintaining sexual desire in a long-term relationship, particularly amidst the chaos and demands of daily life?

Often, highly sensitive individuals find it challenging to balance their emotional and physical needs, leading to a decline in intimacy and connection over time. Understanding and addressing these unique sensitivities are essential for nurturing a fulfilling and passionate relationship.

In this episode, we delve into the intricacies of how highly sensitive people interact with intimacy and sexuality. We explore various models of sexual desire, emphasize the importance of context and emotional connection, and offer practical solutions for managing overstimulation. With insights on daily practices, de-armoring needs, and creating intentional connection time, this episode provides a holistic approach to reviving sexual desire and intimacy in long-term relationships, ultimately fostering deeper emotional bonds and mutual understanding.

Irene Fehr is a Sex & Intimacy Coach and a Somatic Experiencing Practitioner who helps couples make love & sex work in a long-term relationship and bring sex and passion into sexless ones. Weaving together somatic coaching, mindfulness, emotional communication work, and experience with the dynamics of highly sensitive women's sexual desire in a long-term relationship, Irene has developed and successfully applied her holistic "Connection Sex" framework to turn her client’s relationships around toward more passion, connection, and love.

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website. In this episode

7:24 Irene Fehr’s personal journey and insights on highly sensitive people.

09:25 Understanding overstimulation and emotional disconnect in relationships.

13:19 Exploring the differences in sexual desire: Spontaneous vs. Responsive models and the role of high sensitivity.

23:21 How high sensitivity impacts male sexual desire and performance in relationships.

28:31 The importance of creating space for highly sensitive individuals in relationships, especially in sexual dynamics.

38:49 The importance of emotional and physical de-armoring for intimacy in Long-term relationships.

45:21 Balancing sexual desire in relationships: Overcoming expectations and building daily connection.

Mentioned

Come As You Are: Revised and Updated: The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

ERP 211: How to Get Rid of Shame to Increase Pleasure in the Bedroom – An Interview with Ian Ferguson

ERP 257: A New Paradigm for Understanding True Sexual Connection and Intimacy – An Interview with Diana Richardson

ERP 287: How to Engage in the Art of Giving and Receiving: Using the Wheel of Consent – An Interview with Dr. Betty Martin

ERP 314: How to Work Through the Complexities of Sexual Desire in Relationship — An Interview Martha Kauppi

Connect with Irene Fehr

Websites: irenefehr.com

X: twitter.com/ignitedwoman

YouTube: youtube.com/channel/UCR09-jgEvU89NH9CwoJ2I1Q

LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/irenefehr

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

ERP 110: How to Manage Two Majorly Conflicting Needs in Relationship

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 443: The Art Of Staying Engaged & Recommitting Over & Over Again As We Age — An Interview With Maddy Dychtwald Sep 24, 2024

Are you feeling the strain in your long-term relationships, whether it’s with a partner or a friend? As time passes, staying engaged and committed can become a challenge, especially amid the demands of daily life, aging, or the shadow of global disruptions like the COVID-19 pandemic. Maintaining vibrant, nurturing connections can sometimes feel like an uphill battle, leaving many wondering how to inject new life and meaning into these cherished bonds. As we grow older, the importance of these relationships only intensifies, impacting our health, happiness, and overall lifespan. So, how do we keep the flame alive and foster relational longevity amid life's inevitable changes?

In this episode, we explore innovative and meaningful practices designed to rekindle and sustain the depth of our relationships. From the ritual of vow renewal to annual relationship debriefs you'll discover inspiring ways to continually recommit to your loved ones. Insights from experts discuss the social and health benefits of these rituals, and how they can fortify not just marriages, but friendships and broader social networks. Whether you're looking to enhance your romantic life or invigorate your friendships, this conversation offers practical tools and evidence-based strategies to help you create an enduring and life-affirming connection. Dive in to learn how celebrating milestones, maintaining personal interests, and fostering intentional social ties can significantly elevate the quality of your relationships and your life.

Maddy Dychtwald is an internationally acclaimed author, public speaker, and thought leader on longevity, aging, the new retirement, and the ascent of women. She co-founded Age Wave, the world's leader in understanding and addressing the far-reaching impacts of our aging population, and has led numerous acclaimed studies on women and money. Her recently published book, “Ageless Aging: A Woman’s Guide to Increasing Healthspan, Brainspan, and Lifespan” was a USA Today bestseller and a Publishers Weekly bestseller.

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website. In this episode

6:05 Maddy Dychtwald’s four decades of passion in aging, longevity, and retirement.

10:08 The power of mindset and social connections for a healthier, longer life.

26:55 How couples keep their relationship vibrant through regular communication and annual vow renewals.

38:51 Navigating aging in relationships: Balancing different attitudes towards health and longevity.

Mentioned

Ageless Aging: A Woman’s Guide to Increasing Healthspan, Brainspan, and Lifespan (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

X: twitter.com/Maddy_Dychtwald

Connect with Maddy Dychtwald

Websites: maddydychtwald.com

Facebook: facebook.com/maddy.dychtwald

Instagram: instagram.com/maddydychtwald

LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/maddydychtwald

TikTok: tiktok.com/@maddy_dychtwald?lang=fil-PH

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

ERP 420: The Importance of “Turning Towards” in Relationship — An Interview with Laura Heck

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 442: The Conversations (We Don’t Typically Have) That Create Positive Change In Relationship — An Interview with Zach Brittle & Laura Heck Sep 17, 2024

Is your relationship running on autopilot, devoid of the meaningful conversations that foster growth and intimacy? Relationships often suffer when we avoid crucial conversations that could foster deeper connections and understanding. The problem is not the lack of desire but rather the missing know-how to navigate these uncharted waters effectively. Imagine a world where curiosity, vulnerability, and intentionality are the cornerstones of your relationship, transforming mundane interactions into meaningful, intimate moments.

In this episode, we dive deep into the often-overlooked conversations that can create positive change in relationships. Learn about practical exercises designed to enhance intimacy, tools to build curiosity and engagement, and the importance of creating rituals within daily routines. From mindfulness exercises to reframing thoughts and leveraging curiosity, this discussion illuminates the pathway to a more connected and fulfilling relationship. The goal is to provide you with actionable insights and strategies that can immediately impact how you relate to your partner, helping to turn those awkward silences into moments of genuine connection.

Zach Brittle is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor, Certified Gottman Therapist, and Certified Relational Life Therapist. He is also the author of The Relationship Alphabet and the Marriage Therapy Journal.

Laura Heck is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Certified Gottman Therapist, and Sex Therapist in private practice working exclusively with couples to manage conflict and deepen intimacy and pleasure.

Zach and Laura are the co-hosts of the podcast Marriage Therapy Radio where they bring wit and wisdom while tackling the most common complaints every relationship experiences.

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website. In this episode

6:15 How this dynamic duo brings humor and expertise to relationship advice.

12:04 How actively engaging in the process leads to real relationship growth.

21:02 How curiosity can transform relationships and deepen connection.

26:47 Exercises for cultivating vulnerability and emotional intimacy in relationships.

32:38 Building lasting connection through rituals and intentional practices in relationships.

45:37 Aligning values with intentional practices for a more fulfilling relationship.

Mentioned

Reconnect: A Marriage Counseling Workbook (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

Atomic Habits (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

Smart Couples Finish Rich (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

ERP 396: How to Recognize Unhelpful & Misguided Relationship Advice — An Interview with Zach Brittle

ERP 216: What to Know about Loneliness and Relationship

ERP 110: How To Manage Two Majorly Conflicting Needs In Relationship

Connect with Zach Brittle & Laura Heck

Websites: marriagetherapyradio.com

Facebook: facebook.com/marriagetherapyradio

X: twitter.com/forbetter_us

Instagram: instagram.com/marriagetherapyradio

Podcast: podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/marriage-therapy-radio/id1295458667

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Triangular Theory of Love

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 441: How to Maintain a Sense of Self in Relationship — An Interview with Talia Bombola Sep 10, 2024

Have you ever wondered why certain patterns seem to repeat in your relationships, leaving you feeling unfulfilled or misunderstood? Many of us carry the hidden scars of unmet childhood needs into our adult partnerships, often without realizing it. These unresolved emotional wounds can create barriers to giving and receiving love, often manifesting as conflicts and struggles in intimacy. Understanding and healing these deep-seated issues is crucial for building healthier, more fulfilling relationships.

In this episode, we delve into the profound impact of childhood experiences on adult behavior and relationships. We'll explore how understanding and internalizing these early life influences can help recognize and address the missing emotional elements from one's upbringing. The discussion sheds light on the importance of processing past traumas, engaging in healing conversations, and employing therapeutic techniques like role-playing and letter-writing to reconcile unresolved feelings. By emphasizing the intertwined nature of individual and relational growth, this episode offers practical strategies to help listeners navigate the complexities of maintaining a strong sense of self while fostering fulfilling, intimate relationships.

Talia Bombola, The Confidence & Assertiveness Specialist™, is a Certified Psychodynamic, Licensed Psychotherapist, and Relationship Mentor for Women. Her work centers around helping anxious women feel secure by increasing self-worth, confidence, and assertiveness & rewiring beliefs about themselves, men, and relationships. She helps you heal the "not enoughness" that is blocking you from living a life overflowing with satisfaction and self-worth.

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website. In this episode

7:06 Talia’s journey from personal development to professional practice.

11:20 The dangers of tying self-worth to external achievements and goals.

14:45 Understanding the importance of developmental stages in shaping a person's sense of identity and self-worth.

18:56 The role of psychodynamic therapy and reparenting in healing childhood wounds.

29:03 Exploring the benefits of reconnecting with parents to address unresolved childhood experiences.

41:38 The importance of maintaining one's individuality and sense of self within relationships, particularly when faced with disapproval or differing opinions from loved ones.

46:57 Balancing closeness and autonomy: Navigating conflict and personal growth in relationships.

Mentioned

Rewire Your Relationships (online program)

True self and false self (*Wikipedia link) (article)

Eriksons Stages of Psychosocial Development (*National Library of Medicine link) (book)

Connect with Talia Bombola

Websites: taliabombola.com

Facebook: facebook.com/taliabombola

Instagram: instagram.com/taliabombola

TikTok: tiktok.com/@taliabombola

Podcast: podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/heal-through-humor/id1657508931

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 440: How To Integrate Masculine & Feminine Energies In Relationship – An Interview With Dené Logan Sep 03, 2024

Does the way society has dictated gender roles affect the dynamics in your relationship? Many of us are conditioned from a young age to adhere to certain gender roles, often seeking validation and traits from our partners that we feel we lack within ourselves. This deep-rooted socialization can result in an unhealthy dynamic, impacting the harmony and health of our relationships. How can we reclaim and integrate these vital energies within ourselves to create stronger, more authentic connections?

In this episode, we explore how traditional gender conditioning influences our expectations and behaviors in relationships. Through a deeply insightful discussion, this episode offers practical strategies for recognizing and integrating both masculine and feminine energies in everyday life. Reflecting on personal experiences, societal dynamics, and spiritual perspectives, this episode provides tools to foster emotional maturity, authenticity, and harmony in your relationships. Join us to understand the importance of inner balance and discover how to step into a more empowered version of yourself.

Dené Logan, AMFT, is a marriage and family therapist, spiritual teacher, and author of Sovereign Love: A Guide to Healing Relationships by Reclaiming the Masculine and Feminine Within. She is cohost of the weekly podcast Cheaper Than Therapy, which gives listeners a behind-the-scenes look at coaching sessions with actual clients, interviews with thought leaders in the field of mental health and wellness, and a bird’s-eye view into two therapists hashing out their current life struggles and perspectives on various hot topics. She lives in Los Angeles.

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website. In this episode

6:35 Deńe Logan’s journey: From being a spiritual seeker and yoga teacher to becoming a therapist who specializes in couples work.

13:05 Redefining relational success and embracing the spiritual journey in relationships.

23:26 Balancing masculine and feminine energies in modern society.

46:51 Healing relationships through inner child connection and energy awareness.

Mentioned

Sovereign Love: A Guide to Healing Relationships by Reclaiming the Masculine and Feminine Within (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of "A Course in Miracles" (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

Connect with Dené Logan

Websites: denelogan.com

Instagram: instagram.com/dene.logan

Podcast: denelogan.com/podcast

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 439: Learn From The Laws Of Quantum Physics To Improve Relationship Skills — An Interview With Dr. David McMillan Aug 27, 2024

Relationships are complex and often fraught with misunderstandings, conflicts, and a sense of disconnection. The journey to nurturing deep, meaningful connections can feel overwhelming, especially when traditional advice falls short. How can we cultivate intimacy and trust in our relationships? What if the answer lies not just in psychology but also in the intriguing world of quantum physics? Imagine approaching your relationships with the same awe, curiosity, and flexibility physicists use to understand the universe.

In this episode, we dive into the fascinating interplay between quantum physics and relational skills, offering fresh perspectives that challenge conventional thinking. The discussion explores the delicate art of deep listening, the transformative power of acceptance, and the importance of vulnerability. Learn about the stages of cultivating intimacy and the skills needed at each phase. We also touch on the importance of humility, adaptability, and approaching conflicts with a soft startup rather than with a harsh startup. By integrating these principles, you'll discover new ways to strengthen your connections and pave the path to more fulfilling and resilient relationships.

Dr. McMillan is a clinical community psychologist who has 40+ years of experience providing people with tools and insights they can use in their personal relationships, communities, and society at large to heal divisions and find ways to work together. He developed and authored the Sense of Community Theory, the most influential research on the psychological sense of community. Dr. McMillan is also the author of several highly-rated books, including Create Your Own Love Story.

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website. In this episode

6:41 Defining the social glue: Understanding sense of community theory.

9:22 The four elements of a sense of community and their parallel in relationships.

16:35 How principles from quantum physics can inform relationship dynamics.

26:47 How observation influences reality in relationships.

35:52 The transformative power of emotions: From fear and anger to healing and growth.

Mentioned

Create Your Own Love Story: The Art of Lasting Relationships (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

Connect with Dr. David McMillan

Website: drdavidmcmillan.com

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

ERP 410: What Are the Signs of Emotional Immaturity in Relationship?

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 438: How To Develop More Resilience In Relationship — An Interview With Charisse Cooke Aug 20, 2024

Navigating the complex terrain of romantic relationships can often feel like walking through a maze with no clear exit in sight. Fear, disguised as stress or anger, can become an invisible barrier that hampers our ability to foster intimate connections and develop relational skills. But what if we understood our deepest fears, attachment styles, and the ways we can reclaim our emotional maturity and personal empowerment within our relationships? Imagine transforming stress and conflict into opportunities for deeper connection and understanding.

In this episode, we delve deeply into the complexities of attachment styles and their impact on relationships. Discover how different attachment styles manifest fear and the importance of recognizing these patterns in both yourself and your partner. We discuss practical strategies for managing negative thoughts, the role of nonverbal communication, and the power of physical touch in creating a secure bond. Furthermore, understand how emotional regulation, personal empowerment, and vulnerability can transform relationship dynamics.

Charisse Cooke, an attachment-based psychotherapist and author, brings over twenty years of experience in relationship dynamics. With 7000+ clinical hours, including roles in three clinical facilities and private practice in London, she specializes in understanding relationship patterns. Rooted in adult attachment theory, her compassionate approach aims to transform relational dynamics. Through online courses and social media, Charisse educates on fostering secure, authentic connections, empowering individuals to mend relationships, and building emotional resilience.

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website. In this episode

6:00 From fascination to practice: Charisse Cooke’s journey in understanding relationships.

8:55 The power of embracing acceptance and curiosity in relationships rather than immediately viewing unexpected situations as problems.

11:55 Balancing active participation and surrender in relationships.

16:08 Navigating fear and control in committed relationships.

22:03 Strategies for avoidant attachments and building secure bonds.

35:48 Cultivating emotional resilience: Balancing immediate and long-term regulation strategies.

Mentioned

10 New Behaviours That Will Transform Your Relationship in Under 10 Weeks (course link)

Connect with Charisse Cooke

Websites: charissecooke.com

X: twitter.com/CharisseCooke3

YouTube: youtube.com/channel/UCsTpiVcJCs65GYnITSkSAbQ?

Instagram: instagram.com/charissecooke

LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/charisse-cooke-08157845

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 437: How to Negotiate Opposing Perspectives in Relationship – An Interview with Jessica Myers-Adams Aug 13, 2024

Do you find it difficult to negotiate differing perspectives without sacrificing your own identity or creating deeper rifts? How do we balance our own needs with those of our partner? How do we stay connected even when conflict arises? Relationships can be a delicate balancing act, where the yearning for closeness and the need for autonomy often collide, leaving couples in a state of disconnection and frustration.

In this episode, we delve into this very dilemma, exploring the concept of becoming "relationship visionaries," emphasizing the importance of prioritizing the relationship's higher intention over individual desires. Through compelling stories, visual models, and actionable advice, you'll learn how to take turns, communicate effectively, and make decisions that foster intimacy and connection. By embodying these principles, you can navigate conflicts with greater understanding and kindness, ensuring a resilient and deeply satisfying partnership.

Join us as we uncover the essence of successful relationships and offer tools to elevate your love life to new heights.

Jessica Myers-Adams is a licensed clinical social worker and certified relationship coach and is an author and speaker whose words resonate with authenticity. Her widely acclaimed book, "What To Do When You Do Give a F*ck," has been hailed for its unabashed counsel on breathing life back into waning relationships. Through her coaching initiative, Couples Speak, Jessica has facilitated countless couples in healing fractured ties and revamping the love connection.

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website. In this episode

8:29 The common struggle of balancing the desire for intimacy with the need for personal boundaries.

12:17 Mastering effective listening and embracing relationship vision.

24:21 Steps to negotiation, validation, and intimacy in relationships.

37:10 Cultivating curiosity and flexibility in relationship decision-making.

44:33 Explore resources and programs to enhance your relationship skills.

Mentioned

What to Do When You Do Give a F*CK (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

Connect with Jessica Myers-Adams

Websites: couplesspeak.com

Facebook: facebook.com/profile.php?id=100084765327582

Instagram: instagram.com/jessicarelationshipvisionary

LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/jessica-myers-adams-865136134

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

ERP 423: How to Transcend Trauma (And the Effects Experience in Relationship) — An Interview with Dr. Frank Anderson

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 436: How to Break the Cycle of Insecurity & Cultivate Self-Acceptance — An Interview with Dr. Leslie Becker-Phelps Aug 06, 2024

Do you find yourself repeatedly falling into patterns of insecurity, sabotaging your relationships and sense of self-worth? Many of us are haunted by memories from the past that influence our current thoughts, emotions, and sensations—creating a cycle of negativity that feels impossible to break. But there is a way out. Through compassionate self-awareness and targeted self-compassion, you can learn to transform these self-defeating cycles into empowering pathways for growth.

In this episode, we delve into practical strategies to help you transform your relationship with yourself and others. We'll explore the powerful STEAM model—sensations, thoughts, emotions, actions, and mentalizing—as a guide to building self-awareness and self-compassion. By reflecting on past patterns and practicing compassionate self-awareness, you'll learn how to separate recurring thoughts and feelings, fostering growth and self-acceptance.

Additionally, we'll uncover insights into attachment styles and how they shape your perceptions and interactions, providing you with the tools to improve your sense of worthiness and lovability. Tune in to discover methods for cultivating emotional resilience, empathy, and connection, paving the way for healthier relationships and a more grounded sense of self.

Dr. Leslie Becker-Phelps is dedicated to helping people understand themselves and what they need to do to become emotionally and psychologically healthy. She is in private practice, hosts a YouTube channel, and is a prolific writer. She has authored The Insecure in Love Workbook, Insecure in Love, and Bouncing Back from Rejection. She also writes the Authentically You blog and the Making Change blog on Psychology Today.

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website. In this episode

6:29 Leslie’s passion for helping people and how her career has evolved.

9:37 Understanding attachment theory and its impact on well-being.

13:54 How early experiences influence adult relationships and attachment styles.

22:00 The importance of understanding one's attachment styles and the concept of self-awareness in fostering healthier relationships.

30:55 Differentiating between thoughts and emotions to gain greater self-awareness and break the cycle of insecurity.

34:24 Using steam to break the cycle of insecurity and self-sabotage.

46:49 A comprehensive resource for relationship growth.

Mentioned

The Insecure in Love Workbook (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

Insecure in Love (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

Bouncing Back from Rejection (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

Insecure in Love [large print edition] (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

The Insecure in Love Workbook (*New Harbinger Publications Affiliate link) (book)

ERP 261: How to Strengthen Your Relationship from a Polyvagal Perspective – An Interview with Dr. Stephen Porges

LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/leslie-becker-phelps-ph-d-7221b155

Connect with Dr. Leslie Becker-Phelps

Websites: drbecker-phelps.com

Facebook: facebook.com/DrLeslieBP

YouTube: youtube.com/c/LeslieBeckerPhelpsPhD

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

ERP 305: The Surprising & Powerful Benefits of Learning to Tolerate Discomfort — An Interview with Dr. Anna Lembke

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 435: What It Means If You Are Experiencing Boredom in Relationship — An Interview with Monica Berg Jul 30, 2024

Are you feeling stuck or unfulfilled in your life or relationship? Do you find yourself trapped in a cycle of boredom and longing for something more? It's a common struggle that many of us face, but the good news is that change and growth are possible. The key lies in embracing the unknown, staying curious, and seeking new experiences to reignite the spark both within yourself and with your partner.

In this episode, we delve into the transformative power of curiosity and exploration, especially during life's unexpected challenges. From taking up new hobbies like tennis and dance to reframing our perspective on life's curveballs, our conversation offers practical insights to help you shift your state of being and rediscover a sense of joy and fulfillment. By reassessing happiness and goals, adopting a growth mindset, and nurturing intimacy and communication, we explore how to navigate the complexities of life and love, ultimately fostering a deeper connection within and with those around us.

Monica Berg is the author of Rethink Love, Fear is Not an Option, and The Gift of Being Different children’s book, as well as the co-host of the popular Spiritually Hungry podcast. She’s been called “The Marie Kondo of the Soul,” showing us how tidying up our inner mess can help us find the joy we’ve been seeking.

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website. In this episode

00:04 Exploring the topic of boredom in relationships, especially in long-term ones where routines and habits often develop.

02:51 Overcoming boredom in relationships: Embracing creativity and growth.

09:14 The need for curiosity and engagement in exploring new interests to overcome feelings of boredom and routine.

24:10 Transforming fear and rigidity into opportunity and joy.

27:26 The importance of acknowledging and processing negative emotions rather than bypassing them.

Mentioned

The Gift of Being Different (On Being) (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

Fear Is Not An Option (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

Rethink Love: 3 Steps to Being the One, Attracting the One, and Becoming One (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

Maybe You Should Talk To Someone: A Therapist, HER Therapist, and Our Lives Revealed (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

Dopamine Nation: Finding Balance in the Age of Indulgence (*Amazon affiliate link) (book)

Connect with Monica Berg

Websites: rethinklife.today | spirituallyhungrypodcast.com

Facebook: facebook.com/monicaberg74 | facebook.com/SpirituallyHungryPodcast

YouTube: youtube.com/channel/UCe3q8OFWS2o9zy_PZsBDUtw

Instagram: instagram.com/monicarberg74 | instagram.com/spirituallyhungry

Podcast: podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/spiritually-hungry/id1517646639

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

ERP 433: The Power Of Radical Honest On Connection — An Interview with Dr. Brad Blanton

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 434: The Lies People Tell in Relationship & What to Do about It — An Interview with Andrea Beach Jul 23, 2024

Deception in relationships is a common issue that can strain trust and intimacy, leaving partners feeling confused and disconnected. Whether it's through subtle nonverbal cues or drastic changes in communication style, lies—both big and small—can significantly impact the fabric of any relationship. Identifying lies and understanding their underlying causes are crucial steps to fostering a more honest and open partnership. How do you address this deeply ingrained issue? It all starts with awareness and communication.

In this episode, we delve into the nuances of recognizing deception, from interpreting nonverbal cues such as tone of voice and fidgeting to understanding the reasons behind why people lie. We'll explore strategies for responding to dishonesty in a non-accusatory way and the importance of self-reflection and open dialogue. By examining case studies, behavioral tips, and psychological insights, listeners will better navigate the complexities of honesty in relationships, paving the way for deeper intimacy and trust.

Andrea Beach is a highly acclaimed life and business coach and a leading authority on human behavior. She combines the best techniques from NLP and relational psychology with her “self-made success” strategies as a business leader and entrepreneur to deliver incredible results for both companies and individuals alike. Beach has created dozens of successful programs for relationship transformation.

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website. In this episode

6:58 Andrea’s journey: From serial entrepreneurship to balanced life harmony.

12:05 Unveiling the complexity of lies: From business tactics to intimate relationships.

19:34 Navigating expectations and honesty in relationships.

35:01 Recognizing deception: Signs and strategies for authentic communication.

42:56 Strategies for constructive communication.

Mentioned

Connect with Andrea Beach

Websites: andreabeach.me

Facebook: facebook.com/TheAndreaBeach

YouTube: youtube.com/@The_Andrea_Beach

Instagram: instagram.com/the_andrea_beach

LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/andrea-beach

TikTok: tiktok.com/@the_andrea_beach

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

ERP 305: The Surprising & Powerful Benefits of Learning to Tolerate Discomfort — An Interview with Dr. Anna Lembke

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 433: The Power Of Radical Honesty On Intimate Connection — An Interview with Dr. Brad Blanton Jul 16, 2024

Establishing genuine human connections poses a significant challenge in the face of societal expectations and personal inhibitions. The pressure to conform and maintain a carefully constructed image often prevents individuals from expressing their true thoughts and emotions. Consequently, this fear of judgement or rejection fosters relational interactions that lack depth and authenticity. As a result, many find their connections to be superficial, leaving a pervasive sense of disconnection and isolation.

In this episode, you'll discover how radical honesty can transform such patterns and lead to deeper, more intimate connections. By examining the intersection of honesty, forgiveness, and vulnerability, this episode offers practical insights and exercises designed to foster genuine contact and warmth in your interactions. Learn about the power of reporting your immediate experience versus relying on preconceived notions, ultimately guiding you toward a more fulfilled and open way of relating.

Brad Blanton, psychotherapist, author, and founder of Radical Honesty Enterprises, is known for his unwavering honesty and engaging Southern charm. His bestselling book, "Radical Honesty: How To Transform Your Life By Telling The Truth," has been translated into sixteen languages. Blanton's work explores personal and social transformation, evident in titles like "Practicing Radical Honesty" and "Honest to God." He retired in 2020 after writing extensively, with his final book, "Lying or Living," set for publication in 2024 by Sparrowhawk Publishing.

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website. In this episode

6:22 The philosophy of radical honesty.

8:49 The distinction between genuine perception and ideation.

14:40 Embracing uncertainty and its role in deepening personal connections.

16:55 The power of radical honesty in personal growth and forgiveness.

25:02 The importance of honesty and vulnerability in personal and relational growth.

37:32 Expressing true feelings and thoughts without censoring or editing.

45:36 The balance therapists and clients must achieve between allowing and making things happen.

Mentioned

Radical Honesty: How to Transform Your Life by Telling the Truth (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

Practicing Radical Honesty (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

The Truthtellers (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

Honest to God: A Change of Heart That Can Change the World (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

The Power of Radical Honesty - Dr. Anna Lembke (*YouTube link) (video)

Dopamine Nation: Finding Balance in the Age of Indulgence (*Amazon affiliate link) (book)

Connect with Dr. Brad Blanton

Websites: radicalhonesty.com | lyingorliving.com

Facebook: facebook.com/drbradblanton | facebook.com/RadicalHonesty

X: twitter.com/drbradblanton | twitter.com/RadicalHonesty

YouTube: youtube.com/@radical.honesty

Instagram: instagram.com/drbradblanton | instagram.com/radical.honesty

LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/dr-brad-blanton | linkedin.com/company/radical-honesty-institute

TikTok: tiktok.com/@radical.honesty

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Crucible Institute Dr. David Schnarch

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 432: What Your Sexual Approach In Relationship Can Tell You (Or Teach You) — An Interview With Dr. Corey Allan Jul 09, 2024

Have you ever felt that intimacy in your relationship brings both comfort and discomfort? Why do we feel pressured to conform or seek space when getting too close to someone?

In this episode, we delve into these intriguing dynamics of human connection. We explore the pressures of seeking complete unity in relationships and the concept of the 'fusion mindset.' Hear how technology's impact on our interactions can lead to pseudo-connections, affecting the delicate balance between intimacy and loneliness.

Gain practical insights on recognizing and communicating your needs, and understand how personal growth often comes through navigating discomfort and anxiety. Learn how to confront and manage relationship tensions, bringing curiosity and openness to the table, especially in sexual intimacy.

Dr. Corey Allan is a husband, father, author, speaker, and a Marriage and Family Therapist with a Ph.D. in Family Therapy. He and his wife Pam host a weekly podcast, Sexy Marriage Radio, where they help frame conversations and actions that help couples create a marriage fully alive.

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website. In this episode

06:30 Dr. Corey Allen's journey to helping marriages thrive.

09:58 How sexual intimacy mirrors life and relationships.

16:07 Understanding the elicitation window: Unpacking sexual intimacy and relationship dynamics.

21:02 How past reactions shape present interactions.

25:57 Balancing separateness and togetherness in relationships.

36:27 The importance of tolerating discomfort and anxiety as a pathway to personal and relational growth.

44:15 The importance of identifying and challenging habitual behaviors that may inhibit deeper connection.

Mentioned

Intimacy & Desire: Awaken The Passion In Your Relationship (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

Resurrecting Sex (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

Passionate Marriage (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

Turn Criticism Into Connection | Dr Jessica Higgins #678

https://drjessicahiggins.com/erp-027-asking-for-what-you-want-getting-it-with-dr-corey-allen/

ERP 238: How to Find Your Emotional Balance in Relationship

ERP 110: How to Manage Two Majorly Conflicting Needs in Relationship

Connect with Dr. Corey Allan

Websites: smr.fm

Facebook: facebook.com/sexymarriageradio

YouTube: youtube.com/@sexymarriageradio

Instagram: instagram.com/sexymarriageradio

TikTok: tiktok.com/@sexymarriageradio

Podcast: podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/sexy-marriage-radio/id472302597

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

ERP 386: How to Identify & Shift Unconscious Patterns in Relationship – An Interview with Johanna Lynn

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 431: How Our Intergenerational Connections Inform Our Ability To Set Limits & Boundaries With Others — An Interview With Johanna Lynn Jul 02, 2024

Setting limits and boundaries with others is a fundamental aspect of healthy interpersonal dynamics. Yet, many people struggle with asserting themselves due to ingrained patterns from childhood or societal expectations that prioritize giving over self-care. This difficulty often leads to overcommitment, resentment, and a pervasive sense of being taken advantage of, all of which can strain relationships and undermine personal well-being.

In this episode, you'll discover actionable strategies to set and uphold boundaries in your relationships. Learn how to prioritize self-care without guilt, assert your needs effectively, and cultivate healthier dynamics with others. Gain insights from real-life scenarios and expert guidance to navigate interpersonal challenges with confidence and maintain your well-being.

Johanna has been connected to the world of separation and divorce for decades, originally due to her personal situation, then as a systemic therapist focusing on restoring relationships for the past 12 years. Johanna is the founder of The Family Imprint Institute with an international private practice.

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website. In this episode

05:14 Johanna’s personal experience to professional expertise.

7:24 The intergenerational influence on boundaries.

15:54 The profound impact of unresolved family trauma on present behaviors.

23:54 Recognizing poor boundaries and their impacts.

27:58 Recognizing and addressing overgiving.

44:09 Healing past patterns for healthier relationships.

Mentioned

It Didn't Start with You: How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How to End the Cycle (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

Connect with Johanna Lynn

Websites: johannalynn.ca

Facebook: facebook.com/groups/1470185283292404

YouTube: youtube.com/@TheFamilyImprint

Instagram: instagram.com/thefamilyimprint_institute

LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/johannalynn

Pinterest: pinterest.ca/family_imprint

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 430: What Are Strengths & Considerations Of Age Gap Relationships, Especially Female Lead Relationships — An Interview With Dr. Sarah Hill Jun 25, 2024

Imagine being deeply in love, but constantly feeling the weight of judgment from society merely because of an age difference. Age gap relationships often face challenges beyond the typical trials of love, grappling with stereotypes, stress, and the pressure of public perception.

In this episode, we peel back the layers of these complex relationships to reveal the surprising benefits and often-overlooked dynamics at play. Learn how partners can triumph over societal stigma through open communication, humor, and intentionality. Discover the true essence of what makes these relationships thrive, the power of embracing joy and playfulness, and the critical importance of challenging cultural norms to foster deeper connection and satisfaction. Prepare to rethink what you know about age gap relationships, and gain insights that could transform how unconventional love is viewed.

Dr. Sarah Hill is an award-winning research psychologist and professor with expertise in women, health, and sexual psychology. At the intersection of evolutionary biology, social psychology, and neuroscience, her research aims to understand how hormones, the immune system, and the environment play in relationships and health behaviors. She appeared in the 2022 Netflix documentary, “The Principles of Pleasure" and is currently a consultant for Cougar Life, a dating site for confident women looking to meet younger men.

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website. In this episode

7:06 Exploring double standards in age gap relationships.

9:48 Debunking stereotypes in female-led age gap relationships.

13:26 Various factors influencing power dynamics in relationships.

17:38 Redefining age gap relationships: Gender dynamics and societal perceptions.

21:08 Unveiling joy and satisfaction: Insights from research.

28:17 Advancing research to challenge stigma and enhance understanding of non-normative relationships.

30:17 The importance of open communication in navigating stereotypes and fostering acceptance.

39:42 The influence of hormones on relationships.

Mentioned

This Is Your Brain on Birth Control: How the Pill Changes Everything (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

Connect with Dr. Sarah Hill

Websites: sarahehill.com

Facebook: facebook.com/sarahehillphd

X: twitter.com/sarahehillphd

Instagram: instagram.com/sarahehillphd

LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/sarah-hill-39668431

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 429: How To Reprogram Core Wounds For Better Living & Loving — An Interview With Thais Gibson Jun 18, 2024

At the core of many relationship struggles lie deeply ingrained wounds from our past, shaping how we perceive ourselves and interact with others. These wounds, often formed in childhood, can manifest as insecurities, fears, and maladaptive coping mechanisms in adult relationships.

As an example, individuals with deep-seated abandonment wounds struggle to trust or embrace intimacy, resulting in clinginess or avoidance behaviors. Similarly, those with worthiness wounds may constantly seek validation or struggle to assert their needs confidently. These patterns sow seeds of conflict, communication breakdowns, and emotional distance, impeding intimacy and connection.

In this episode, we delve into how understanding and addressing these core wounds can transform relationship dynamics. By exploring the origins of these wounds and their manifestations in adult relationships, we uncover actionable strategies for healing and growth. Through this insightful conversation, listeners gain valuable tools to navigate their own core wounds and foster healthier, more fulfilling connections.

Thais Gibson is a counselor and co-founder of The Personal Development School, with a Ph.D., and over 13 certifications in modalities, such as CBT, NLP, somatic experiencing, internal family systems, and shadow work. She is an expert in attachment theory and her research is extending the frontier of psychology with her modern Gibson Integrated Attachment Theory™, and she is the author of Learning Love: Build the Best Relationships of Your Life Using Integrated Attachment.

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website. In this episode

6:53 Tyese Gibson’s journey through adversity and addiction to transformation.

12:12 The importance of addressing deeper emotional layers and primary attachment needs to achieve lasting change.

22:32 Reprogramming the subconscious for better relationships.

27:03 Thais explains her integrative approach to attachment therapy, which combines multiple modalities.

41:36 The power of inner work in relationship dynamics.

Mentioned

Learning Love: Learning Love: Build the Best Relationships of Your Life Using Integrated Attachment Theory (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

Connect with Thais Gibson

Website: university.personaldevelopmentschool.com

Facebook: facebook.com/ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool

YouTube: youtube.com/channel/UCHQ4lSaKRap5HyrpitrTOhQ/videos

Instagram: instagram.com/thepersonaldevelopmentschool

Podcast: podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/personal-development-school/id1478580185

TikTok: tiktok.com/@thaisgibson?_t=8n6kvwtOLP0&_r=1

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Psychotherapy Online Course Catalog

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 428: The Dynamic That 80% Of Distressed Couples Face — An Interview With Jennifer Nurick Jun 11, 2024

Ever wondered why your relationship feels like a never-ending cycle of conflict and distance? In this episode, we delve into the common dynamics experienced by 80% of distressed couples, with a particular focus on the anxious and avoidant attachment styles.

This episode provides actionable guidance to regulate emotions, establish safety, and overcome attachment injuries. Discover a five-stage process for fostering intimacy, promoting personal and relational development. Learn practical strategies to address core emotions, halt escalating conflicts, and pave the way for secure, fulfilling connections. Whether you're dealing with an anxious-avoidant dynamic or looking to deepen your understanding of attachment, this episode provides valuable tools and insights to transform your relationship.

Jennifer Nurick (Jen) specialises in healing anxious attachment, attachment injuries and childhood trauma. She is a licensed Clinical Psychotherapist, Couple Therapist, Energetic Healer, and author of “Heal Your Anxious Attachment”. She is the founder and voice of Psychotherapy Central. She has been working in the healing space for over 20 years, combining Eastern energetic practices and Western psychotherapy. She offers transformational courses to help individuals and couples heal trauma and build secure long-term relationships.

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website. In this episode

09:32 Jennifer Nurick shares her journey of discovery and expertise in the realm of attachment dynamics.

18:10 The complexities of relational wounds and the quest for secure attachment.

25:01 Therapy as a haven for confronting and processing emotional injuries.

32:48 The unburdening process in internal family systems therapy.

38:09 Navigating attachment dynamics in distressed relationships.

51:33 Healing anxious and avoidant attachment styles in relationships.

Mentioned

Heal Your Anxious Attachment: Release Past Trauma, Cultivate Secure Relationships, and Nurture a Deeper Sense of Self (*Amazon affiliate link) (book)

ERP 423: How to Transcend Trauma (And the Effects Experience in Relationship) — An Interview with Dr. Frank Anderson

Connect with Jennifer Nurick

Websites: psychotherapycentral.health

Facebook: facebook.com/psychotherapy.central

YouTube: youtube.com/@psychotherapycentral

Instagram: instagram.com/psychotherapy.central

Podcast: podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/psychotherapy-central/id1701257974

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 427: How to Construct Questions That Cultivate Deeper Connection — An Interview with Topaz Adizes Jun 04, 2024

Fostering genuine connections can feel daunting in a world filled with distractions and surface-level interactions. Many individuals struggle to find the right way to communicate, leading to misunderstandings and emotional distance in relationships.

In this episode, we explore the art of refining communication through strategic question construction. While you can’t control the answers you receive, you can shape them by framing your questions thoughtfully.

Discover practical insights and strategies to cultivate meaningful dialogue and forge authentic bonds with others. Join us on a journey to harness the potential of curiosity and intentionality in your conversations, paving the way for richer, more fulfilling relationships.

Topaz Adizes is an Emmy award-winning writer, director, and experienced design architect. He is an Edmund Hillary fellow and Sundance/Skoll Stories of Change fellow. His works have been selected to Cannes, Sundance, IDFA, and SXSW, featured in New Yorker magazine, Vanity Fair, and the NewYork Times; and have garnered an Emmy for new approaches to documentary and Two World Press photo awards for immersive storytelling and interactive documentary. He is the founder and executive director of the experience design studio The Skin Deep. Topaz studied philosophy at UC Berkeley and Oxford University.

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website. In this episode

05:51 Topaz’s journey from filmmaking to experience design.

10:36 Harnessing the power of intimate questions for better relationships.

14:06 How the quality and nature of questions significantly influence our experiences and outcomes.

17:56 Five key traits of effective questions.

32:28 Cultivating authentic connections through curious inquiry.

38:20 The importance of creating space for meaningful connection.

Mentioned

12 Questions for Love (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

{The And} (videos)

The Skin Deep - Creating The Space To Explore (card decks & shop) Enter in “DRJESSICA” for 15% off (*Affiliate link)

X: twitter.com/the_skindeep?lang=en

Connect with Topaz Adizes

Websites: shop.theskindeep.com | topazadizes.com

Facebook: facebook.com/TheSkinDeep

YouTube: youtube.com/c/theskindeep/videos

Instagram: instagram.com/the_skindeep

LinkedIn: linkedin.com/company/theskindeep

TikTok: tiktok.com/@theskindeep?lang=en

Pinterest: pinterest.com/theskindeep

Podcast: topazadizes.com/podcast

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 426: How To Consider & Discuss End Of Life Care In Relationship — An Interview With Dr. Bob and Elizabeth Uslander May 28, 2024

Navigating end-of-life conversations can be emotionally challenging and riddled with uncertainties. Many individuals and families struggle to broach topics surrounding preferences for care, leaving them ill-prepared for crucial decisions during times of crisis.

In this episode, we embark on a journey to explore practical strategies and insights aimed at facilitating these delicate discussions with compassion and clarity. By providing actionable guidance and fostering a deeper understanding of end-of-life care, this episode equips listeners with the tools needed to approach these conversations thoughtfully, empowering them to honor personal values and preferences with confidence.

Dr. Bob and Elizabeth Uslander co-founded Empowered Endings, a unique palliative and end-of-life care model addressing the physical, emotional, intellectual, and spiritual needs of patients and families. Bob Uslander, MD, received his Medical Degree from the UCLA Geffen School of Medicine and practiced medicine in Emergency, Palliative, and end-of-life care for over 30 years.

Elizabeth Uslander, MSW MTS, received her BA cum laude from Georgetown University and earned her Master's degrees at USC and Wesley Theological Seminary.

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website. In this episode

03:49 Bob’s transition from emergency medicine to palliative care and the founding of Empowered Endings with Elizabeth.

09:12 Elizabeth’s journey in spiritual care and social work shaping palliative and end of life care focus.

11:47 Integrating end-of-life doulas in comprehensive care planning and support.

18:48 The importance of having proactive, intentional discussions about end-of-life preferences within couples.

32:54 The role of spiritual practices and emotional connection in navigating end-of-life conversations within relationships.

38:29 Cultivating readiness and practical tools for end-of-life conversations.

Mentioned

Websites: empoweredendings.com

Connect with Dr. Bob and Elizabeth Uslander

Facebook: facebook.com/empowerendings

YouTube: youtube.com/@Empowered-Endings

Instagram: instagram.com/empowered_endings_

LinkedIn: linkedin.com/company/empowered-endings

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 425: How To Find The Growth Opportunity In An Argument — An Interview With Linda Bloom May 21, 2024

Ever wondered how happy couples navigate irreconcilable differences and still thrive? Arguments in relationships are both inevitable and impactful. While they often stir up feelings of frustration, anger, and sadness, they also hold the potential for profound growth and understanding between partners. When managed with care and intention, conflicts can uncover deep-seated issues, foster better communication, and ultimately strengthen the bond.

In this episode, we explore how conflicts can become opportunities for growth and deeper connection. By focusing on emotional regulation, curiosity, and taking responsibility, couples can navigate differences with more understanding and empathy. Learn practical strategies for creating a safe environment and fostering open communication, transforming challenges into stepping stones for a stronger, more empowered relationship. Gain valuable insights and actionable tips to help you and your partner grow together through the ups and downs.

Linda Bloom, L.C.S.W. is a psychotherapist and marriage counselor who teaches relationship workshops throughout the world. She and her husband, Charlie Bloom are co-authors of the widely acclaimed book, 101 Things I Wish I Knew When I Got Married, Simple Lessons to Make Love Last, and Secrets of Great Marriages: Real Truths from Real Couples About Lasting Love, An End to Arguing: 101 Valuable Lessons for All Relationships and more.

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website. In this episode

4:20 Cultivating a thirst for growth: Linda Bloom’s path to a harmonious relationship with her husband after a rocky beginning.

12:51 Balancing differences: How mutual respect and curiosity foster harmonious relationships.

19:02 Mastering the art of handling differences: A key to achieving optimal relational well-being for couples.

27:24 Strategies for managing heated conversations and building stronger connections in relationships.

37:46 Navigating conflicts through emotional regulation and sincere communication.

44:56 How emotional maturity and practical resources can strengthen your relationship.

Mentioned

101 Things I Wish I Knew When I Got Married: Simple Lessons to Make Love Last (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

Secrets of Great Marriages: Real Truth from Real Couples about Lasting Love (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

An End to Arguing: 101 Valuable Lessons for All Relationships (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

Connect with Linda Bloom

Websites: bloomwork.com

Facebook: facebook.com/lindaandcharliebloom

X (twitter): twitter.com/bloomwork

YouTube: youtube.com/channel/UCV3lPZs0gRNYCTQ6vgz4Q6Q

Instagram: instagram.com/linda_charlie_bloom

LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/lindacbloom

Tumblr: tumblr.com/linda-charlie-bloom-blog

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 424: How to Stand Firm in Your Boundaries — An Interview with Dr. Abby Medcalf May 14, 2024

The absence of clear personal boundaries can lead to numerous challenges in relationships. Without defined boundaries, individuals may find themselves constantly overwhelmed by the demands and expectations of others, leading to feelings of resentment, frustration, and even powerlessness. Moreover, conflicts can escalate, communication can break down, and genuine connection becomes increasingly elusive without firm boundaries in place. Essentially, the problem of not having boundaries manifests as a pervasive struggle to maintain authenticity, self-respect, and healthy interpersonal dynamics.

In this episode, the discussion centers on the transformative power of consistently upholding boundaries despite potential pushback. Through insightful anecdotes and practical advice, listeners will gain valuable insights into identifying their core needs, overcoming fear, and building trust within relationships. Whether grappling with familial, professional, or personal boundaries, this episode offers actionable strategies for asserting oneself and cultivating fulfilling connections.

Abby Medcalf is a Relationship Maven, psychologist, author, podcast host, and TEDx speaker who helps people think differently so they can create connection, ease, and joy in their relationships. She brings a fresh perspective to life’s struggles using humor, research, and her direct, no-nonsense style. She's the author of “Boundaries Made Easy”, bestseller “Be Happily Married, Even If Your Partner Won’t Do a Thing”, and hosts the top-rated Relationships Made Easy Podcast, reaching 170+ countries.

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website. In this episode

4:59 From addiction to authority: Abby Medcalf’s journey to boundary mastery.

9:43 Understanding boundaries as not just a component, but a fundamental structure in relationships and business dynamics.

12:23 The impact of congruence between conscious and subconscious signals on how others perceive and respond to us.

20:07 Understanding the spectrum of boundaries and the impact of disregarding them.

27:06 Establishing clear standards and responses for personal empowerment.

39:22 Defining personal standards and boundaries for empowered relationships.

47:49 Making your way from complaints to core needs.

Mentioned

Boundaries Made Easy: Your Roadmap to Connection, Ease and Joy (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

Be Happily Married: Even If Your Partner Won't Do a Thing (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

Feelings Chart (*Hoffman Institute link) (pdf)

Connect with Dr. Abby Medcalf

Websites: abbymedcalf.com

Facebook: facebook.com/abbymedcalf

YouTube: youtube.com/user/AbbyMedcalfThriving

Instagram: instagram.com/abbymedcalfthriving

LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/abby-medcalf-phd-718969b8

TikTok: tiktok.com/@abbymedcalfphd

Podcast: Relationships Made Easy

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 423: How To Transcend Trauma (And The Effects Experience In Relationship) — An Interview With Dr. Frank Anderson May 07, 2024

Have you ever wondered why you react the way you do in certain situations or why certain relationships feel so challenging? In many cases, individuals may not realize how past trauma is influencing their present relationships and personal well-being.

In this episode, we talk about trauma, its various forms, and its profound impact on individuals and their connections with others. Featuring expert insights from a leader in the field of trauma therapy, the conversation sheds light on how trauma from our formative years can shape our adult behaviors and interactions. Through an in-depth examination of cutting-edge therapeutic approaches such as internal family systems, and emotional focus therapy, this discussion provides valuable tools and strategies for identifying, addressing, and healing these deep psychological wounds. Discover how to reconnect with your inner wisdom and potentially transform your relationships and self-perception, moving towards more empowered connections.

Frank Anderson, MD, completed his residency at Harvard Medical School. He is both a psychiatrist and a psychotherapist. He specializes in the treatment of trauma and dissociation and is passionate about integrating current neuroscience knowledge with the IFS model of therapy.

His most recent book, entitled “Transcending Trauma: Healing Complex PTSD with Internal Family Systems” was released on May 19, 2021. His memoir, “To Be Loved,” is set to be released on May 7, 2024.

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website. In this episode

03:26 Understanding the multifaceted nature of trauma.

09:33 Understanding the connection between present-day struggles and unresolved childhood trauma.

19:01 The dynamics of emotional intimacy within relationships, particularly in the context of therapeutic approaches like Emotional Focus Therapy (EFT) and Internal Family Systems (IFS).

26:02 Understanding trauma responses and their varied manifestations.

32:45 Embracing healing and reconnecting with self.

43:32 Inspiring collective healing through personal narrative.

Mentioned

To Be Loved: A Story of Truth, Trauma, and Transformation (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

Transcending Trauma: Healing Complex PTSD with Internal Family Systems (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

Connect with Dr. Frank Anderson

Websites: frankandersonmd.com

Facebook: instagram.com/frank_andersonmd

LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/frank-anderson-654b1836

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 422: How To Work Through Jealousy & Insecure Tendencies In Relationship — Shanenn Bryant Apr 30, 2024

Jealousy is a complex emotional response often triggered by feelings of insecurity and fear of loss, and can profoundly impact personal relationships. It typically arises when an individual perceives a threat to a valued relationship, whether the threat is real or imagined. This emotion can lead to behaviors aimed at preventing loss, such as excessive monitoring or controlling tendencies, yet these actions often exacerbate the fears driving the jealousy.

In this episode, we delve into pervasive issues surrounding jealousy, uncovering their origins rooted in individual past experiences and amplified by today's social media-driven culture. The discussion offers valuable insights into the psychological patterns contributing to jealous behaviors. You'll discover practical tips and methods for self-regulation, including breathing exercises and strategies for improving communication with partners. Emphasizing self-awareness and the conscious choice in responding to relationship stressors, this episode aims to transform approaches to trust and connection, empowering individuals to cultivate healthier, more secure emotional bonds.

Shanenn Bryant is the founder and CEO of Top Self, a self-development company offering coaching, courses, and community to those with feelings of low self-worth, insecurity, and jealousy in their relationship.

Using her instructional design certification Shanenn has developed many sales, systems, and development skills courses and delivered more than 400 training classes.

As a relationship confidence expert, and the host of the Top Self podcast, Shanenn has inspired thousands to break up with bogus beliefs, crack the control code, and overhaul their insecure habits.

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website. In this episode

05:41 Shannon Bryant's mission to combat relationship insecurities.

08:51 Understanding the roots and impact of jealousy on relationships.

13:43 The interconnectedness of jealousy, anxiety, and insecurity, relating them to past experiences of relational trauma and insecure attachments.

26:01 The tendency to be attracted to unavailable partners as a means of avoiding self-reflection and confronting personal issues.

27:13 The role of technology in exacerbating jealousy and practical steps to address it.

34:37 Balancing trust and vigilance: Navigating the fine line in relationships.

37:51 Strategies for overcoming jealousy addiction.

41:03 The concept of jealousy as a symptom rather than the problem itself, emphasizing its role as a solution signaling underlying issues.

47:38 Coaching, resources, and trust-building programs for overcoming jealousy.

Mentioned

Connect with Shanenn Bryant

Websites: topself.com

Instagram: instagram.com/topselfcoach

Podcast: topself.com/podcast — TOP SELF | Tips on Jealousy in Relationships, Anxiety, and Insecurity

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

National Marriage Week USA

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 421: How To Keep The Fun & Positivity Alive In Relationship — An Interview With Arlene Pellicane Apr 23, 2024

Keeping the flame of passion alive in a relationship can be a challenging endeavor, especially amidst the demands and stresses of everyday life. From managing work responsibilities to navigating household chores and family commitments, couples often find themselves caught up in a whirlwind of obligations, leaving little room for fun and positive connections.

In this episode, we explore actionable strategies and valuable insights aimed at addressing the challenge of maintaining fun and positivity in a relationship. From practical tips to infuse joy into everyday moments to revitalizing the bond between partners, we offer guidance on reigniting the spark and fostering a deeper connection amidst life's demands.

Arlene Pellicane is a renowned author and speaker specializing in marriage and parenting. She has been featured on numerous media outlets such as The Today Show, Wall Street Journal, Focus on the Family, Fox & Friends, TLC’s Home Made Simple, FamilyLife Today, and The 700 Club. Arlene also hosts the Happy Home podcast and has authored popular books like "31 Days to a Happy Husband" and "31 Days to Becoming a Happier Wife". Alongside her husband James of over 25 years, Arlene resides in the San Diego area with their three children: Ethan, Noelle, and Lucy.

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website. In this episode

06:43 Arlene’s journey from being raised in a loving family to becoming a champion of healthy relationships.

10:55 Cultivating daily intimacy.

14:42 Nurturing connection through fresh perspectives.

21:58 The importance of scheduling regular dates in maintaining a thriving relationship.

26:44 Rediscovering playfulness and adventure, especially for couples who may have lost touch with these aspects of their connection.

30:15 Strategies for couples feeling overwhelmed by the responsibility of planning weekly or bi-monthly dates.

33:13 Cultivating connection through regular getaways.

40:13 The importance of maintaining a positive focus on connection during designated relationship rituals like date nights and getaways.

Mentioned

Calm, Cool, and Connected: 5 Digital Habits for a More Balanced Life (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

31 Days to a Happy Husband: What a Man Needs Most from His Wife (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

31 Days to Becoming a Happy Wife (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

Atomic Habits (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

ERP 089: How to Use Love Languages to Strengthen Connection

ERP 090: How to Use Love Languages to Strengthen Connection – Part Two

Podcast: podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-happy-home-podcast-with-arlene-pellicane (Apple Podcast link )

Connect with Arlene Pellicane

Websites: arlenepellicane.com/about

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/nationalmarriageweek X (twitter): https://twitter.com/marriageweekusa Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/nationalmarriageweekusa

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 420: The Importance Of "Turning Towards" In Relationship — An Interview With Laura Heck Apr 16, 2024

Loneliness and disconnection in relationships can often stem from unmet needs for emotional connection. When one partner reaches out for support, validation, or understanding, and their bids go unnoticed or ignored, it can lead to feelings of isolation and alienation. This lack of responsiveness can create a sense of being unheard or unseen, deepening the emotional distance between partners. Over time, repeated instances of unmet bids can erode trust and intimacy, leaving individuals feeling unfulfilled and disconnected in their relationship.

In this episode, Laura Heck and Dr. Jessica Higgins delve into the importance of turning towards your partner in a relationship to address feelings of loneliness and disconnection. By understanding the bidding system in relationships and learning to respond with empathy and curiosity, individuals can build stronger connections with their partners. This episode emphasizes the significance of acknowledging past traumas, developing new skills, and fostering grace and understanding to overcome emotional barriers and create a more fulfilling and intimate partnership.

Laura Heck is a licensed marriage and family therapist, Certified Gottman Therapist, co-host of Marriage Therapy Radio, and host of The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work workshop for couples. She speaks and trains for The Gottman Institute and is a regular media expert on the topic of intimate relationships.

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website. In this episode

05:30 Laura Heck's journey into relationship support.

11:22 Understanding bids for connection in relationships.

16:27 Importance of positive to negative ratios in relationships.

21:23 Exploring bids and responses in relationship dynamics.

26:03 Understanding shutting down in relationships.

31:37 Responding to criticism and harsh startups.

33:18 Repairing miscommunications and misunderstandings.

42:32 Building compassion and empathy in relationships.

45:16 Addressing trust and misunderstandings in relationships.

Mentioned

The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country's Foremost Relationship Expert (*Amazon affiliate link) (book)

Connect with Laura Heck

Websites: marriagetherapyradio.com

Facebook: facebook.com/marriagetherapyradio

Twitter: twitter.com/forbetter_us

Instagram: instagram.com/marriagetherapyradio

Podcast: podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/marriage-therapy-radio/id1295458667?mt=2 (Apple Podcast)

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 419: How to Identify and Break Negative Cycles (Especially High Conflict Cycles) in Relationship — An Interview with Jennine Estes Powell & Jacqueline Wielick Apr 09, 2024

How can we cultivate a culture of emotional safety within our relationships, where vulnerability is embraced and recurring negative patterns are met with empathy and understanding, rather than defensiveness or blame?

Traumas, whether subtle or overt, can fuel recurring negative patterns that gradually erode the foundation of a relationship. These unseen wounds, left unattended, can manifest as distress and conflict, undermining the very fabric of our closest bonds.

In this episode, we delve into the depths of these dynamics, exploring how awareness, vulnerability, and proactive communication can pave the way for healing and transformation. Join us as we navigate the complexities of attachment styles, emotional safety, and the power of corrective emotional experiences in forging healthier, more fulfilling relationships.

Jennine Estes Powell & Jacqueline Wielick, are distinguished Therapists and co-authors of "Help For High-Conflict Couples." Jacqueline Wielick is the owner of her practice, Therapy by Jackie, and is known for the empowering, empathetic, and engaging style she brings to her work. Jennine Estes Powell is a dedicated therapist for her clients, and is the driving force behind Estes Therapy, a thriving group practice in San Diego, the go-to hub for couples counseling. She also trains therapists globally.

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website. In this episode

07:52 Jennine and Jacqueline‘s personal journeys into emotionally focused therapy.

13:03 Distinguishing high conflict from regular conflict.

20:13 The subtleties of trauma, challenging stereotypical perceptions of traumatic experiences.

23:18 How differing attachment styles can create communication barriers within relationships.

28:15 The evolution of relationships: Understanding the shift from early romance to bonded attachment.

34:53 Individual and couple strategies for recognizing and addressing attachment insecurities.

40:54 Repairing relationship patterns through vulnerability and repetition.

55:59 Accessible support and resources.

Mentioned

Help for High-Conflict Couples (website) (speaking events)

Help for High-Conflict Couples: Using Emotionally Focused Therapy and the Science of Attachment to Build Lasting Connection Paperback (book) (affiliate)

Connect with Jennine Estes Powell

Websites: helpforhighconflictcouples.com | estestherapy.com | jenninepowell.com

Instagram: instagram.com/estes_therapy

TikTok: tiktok.com/@jennine_estes

Connect with Jacqueline Wielick

Websites: helpforhighconflictcouples.com| jackiewielick.com

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Signs of Emotional Immaturity: How to Identify and Support People with Emotional Immaturity

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 418: How To Build More Emotional Maturity In Relationship — Part Five Apr 02, 2024

Emotional immaturity can hinder our ability to form healthy connections and make sound decisions. But is it truly possible to overcome emotional immaturity, even if you've experienced significant developmental setbacks or challenges?

Similar to research findings that suggest it's possible to develop more secure functioning or earn a secure attachment style later in life, it's feasible to achieve emotional growth and maturity.

In our fifth installment on the topic of emotional immaturity, we uncover practical strategies and insights to foster emotional growth. With a focus on seven key practices, including creating a safe space for growth and honing interpersonal skills, the discussion offers a roadmap for enhancing emotional intelligence.

If you find yourself in a relationship with someone exhibiting signs of emotional immaturity, it's crucial to consider revisiting the recommendations outlined in episode 416. Engaging in heartfelt, candid conversations with your partner about the importance of cultivating emotional maturity can pave the way for mutual understanding and growth within the relationship.

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website. In this episode

6:48 A recap of the previous episodes on emotional maturity.

9:13 The dynamic nature of emotional maturity highlights its placement on a continuum that allows for growth and development.

14:21 Establishing a safe practice environment.

21:28 Embracing emotional awareness and connection.

26:39 Accepting emotional growth as a continuous process

31:30 Cultivating conscious regulation skills.

36:12 The importance of engaging in honest and uncomfortable conversations

41:44 Taking ownership and accountability within relationships.

45:19 Cultivating interpersonal and relational proficiency.

Mentioned

Emotions as Honored Guests (article)

The Value in Pain and the Pain in Value | Lode Dewulf | TEDxVlerickBusinessSchool

ERP 276: Understanding the Need for Both Self-Regulation and Co-regulation in Relationship – An Interview with Deb Dana

ERP 261: How to Strengthen Your Relationship from a Polyvagal Perspective – An Interview with Dr. Stephen Porges

ERP 140: How Pain and Suffering Increase & What to Do About It

ERP 410: What Are the Signs of Emotional Immaturity in Relationship?

ERP 411: What Are the Signs of Emotional Immaturity in Relationship? Part Two

ERP 413: How Does Emotional Immaturity Develop & the Difference between Emotional Immaturity and Emotional Abuse? Part Three

ERP 416: What to Consider If You Are in a Relationship with an Emotionally Immature Person — Part Four

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

ERP 355: The Importance of Creating a Shared Reality in Relationship — An Interview with Dr. Heather Browne

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 417: Why Every Couple Needs A Couple Mission Statement — An Interview With Dr. Heather Browne Mar 26, 2024

Many individuals and families encounter a common challenge: the struggle to harmonize their values, aspirations, and objectives. This issue is compounded by the inherent differences in perspectives, priorities, and communication styles within these relationships. When aspirations clash and priorities diverge, it often leads to misunderstandings that escalate into tensions and conflicts. Maintaining harmony becomes a daunting task without a clear understanding of each other's goals and values, leaving couples and families adrift in a sea of discord.

In this episode, we delve into practical strategies for crafting a shared mission statement—a tool designed to align individuals and unite them in pursuit of common objectives. Through insightful discussions and actionable steps, listeners will discover how to identify core values, engage in constructive dialogue, and cultivate deeper understanding and connection with their partners and loved ones. Join us as we explore the power of intentional communication in fostering stronger, more harmonious relationships.

Dr. Heather Browne, PsyD, LMFT, helps people recognize the power of communication, one of the most important skills we possess. However, often, we fail to consider our understanding, approach, and belief, and consequently, miss out on our potential. No two individuals perceive reality in the same way, despite our belief in shared understanding. Harnessing this revolutionary awareness has enabled her to transform communication within oneself and other types of relationships.

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website. In this episode

04:45 Dr. Heather Browne’s journey of healing and growth.

08:57 The significance of self-awareness and conscientiousness in personal growth, particularly in identifying areas of consistency and growth.

12:38 The transformative power of a mission statement.

20:28 The importance of understanding and accommodating differences in stress responses and soothing methods within a relationship.

23:57 Tailoring relationship goals to individual values.

29:12 Navigating irreconcilable differences in relationships through effective communication and collaboration.

40:19 Nurturing self-discovery and inner alignment.

51:54 The importance of crafting and regularly revisiting a mission statement for individuals, couples, and families as a tool for fostering connection and guiding communication.

Mentioned

How to Feel Less Lonely, Create Meaningful Connections and Love | Heather Browne | TEDxMountRubidoux (YouTube link) (video)

Speaking with the Heart: Transforming Your Relationship and Communication with Compassion and Connection (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

ERP 372: How to Work Together in Relationship for a Strong, Secure Connection — An Interview with Dr. Stan Tatkin

ERP 389: Understanding Our Stress Language as Well as Our Partner’s Stress Language for Better Living & Loving — An Interview with Chantal Donnelly

Connect with Dr. Heather Browne

Websites: drheatherbrowne.com

Facebook: facebook.com/profile.php?id=100086978599835&mibextid=LQQJ4d

YouTube: youtube.com/@dr.heatherbrowne

Instagram: instagram.com/dr.heatherbrowne

LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drheatherbrowne

TikTok: tiktok.com/@heathermbrowne

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

What is emotional immaturity and how can it impact relationships?

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 416: What To Consider If You Are In a Relationship With An Emotionally Immature Person — Part Four Mar 19, 2024

Emotional maturity stands as the cornerstone of a thriving and meaningful bond between partners. Yet, navigating the intricate landscape of emotional immaturity within relationships presents its own set of challenges.

In this episode, we delve deep into this crucial topic, shedding light on how emotional immaturity impacts the dynamics of relationships and providing invaluable resources to aid individuals in navigating this intricate terrain.

Building upon insights from previous episodes, we explore methods for identifying signs of emotional immaturity, understanding its roots in development, and differentiating it from emotional abuse. The overarching goal of addressing this subject is to foster awareness and encourage deliberate efforts in honing emotional and relational competencies.

Join us as we uncover key insights into recognizing and addressing emotional immaturity, paving the way for stronger, more resilient relationships.

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website. In this episode

08:23 The challenge of recognizing emotional immaturity in relationships.

20:19 The emotional toll of carrying the relationship load.

28:22 Stability challenges for the emotionally mature partner.

29:03 Strained enjoyment.

29:49 Coping with lack of intimacy in relationships.

32:11 Struggle with confidence and conflict resolution.

34:29 Practical steps for addressing emotional immaturity in a relationship.

Mentioned

11 Signs of Emotional Immaturity in Relationships & Ways to Deal

ERP 410: What Are the Signs of Emotional Immaturity in Relationship?

ERP 411: What Are the Signs of Emotional Immaturity in Relationship? Part Two

ERP 413: How Does Emotional Immaturity Develop & the Difference between Emotional Immaturity and Emotional Abuse? Part Three

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 415: What LGBTQ Couples Can Teach Us About Relationship — An Interview with Laurel Roberts-Meese Mar 12, 2024

Couples face a myriad of challenges, from communication breakdowns to navigating societal expectations. Navigating these challenges and fostering growth requires intentional effort and understanding. However, for LGBTQ couples, unique dynamics often come into play, from negotiating identity acceptance to addressing external biases.

In this episode, we delve into the rich tapestry of LGBTQ relationships, exploring the strengths they offer and the challenges they face. Through insightful discussions on communication, identity affirmation, and seeking inclusive support, this episode provides actionable steps for all couples seeking to deepen their connection and thrive together.

Join us as we explore what LGBTQ+ couples can teach us about nurturing healthy and thriving relationships.

Laurel is a licensed therapist and the Clinical Director of Laurel Therapy Collective, an online therapy practice that provides customized therapy to driven professionals in California, Pennsylvania, and Florida. Her practice offers individual and couples therapy with an emphasis on trauma recovery and LGBT+ affirmative care.

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website. In this episode

05:56 The importance of shared identity and experiences in therapy for better outcomes.

10:48 Navigating licensing complexities for teletherapy across California Pennsylvania and Florida.

16:07 Lessons from LGBTQ+ relationships for all couples.

22:16 The significance of breaking away from prescribed relationship models and embracing a growth mindset in partnerships.

27:50 The power of language in shaping relationships.

34:25 Navigating common challenges in couples therapy.

37:20 Navigating unique challenges in LGBT couples relationships.

45:24 Identifying key criteria when seeking a couples therapist.

48:21 Holistic telehealth therapy services for couples and individuals.

Mentioned

Same-Sex Couples (*The Gottman Institute) (research)

Therapy Den

Inclusive Therapists

Dr. Sue Johnson

Imago Relationship Therapy (*Very Well Mind)

Connect with Laurel Roberts-Meese

Websites: laureltherapy.net

Facebook: facebook.com/laureltherapycollective

YouTube: youtube.com/channel/UCzmtQve6GOsJt2z9XZ02nZA

Instagram: instagram.com/laureltherapycollective

LinkedIn: linkedin.com/company/laurel-therapy

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Together: The Healing Power of Human Connection in a Sometimes Lonely World (book)

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 414: How To Increase Emotional Safety For The Whole Family When The Couple Is In Distress — An Interview With Kathryn de Bruin & Dr. Lisa Palmer-Olsen Mar 05, 2024

Navigating the challenging waters of divorce or betrayal within a relationship can be an incredibly tough journey. It's a time when seeking support becomes crucial, and for many, individual or couples therapy becomes a lifeline. However, the impact of a couple's distress extends far beyond the partners involved. They often overlook how their struggles reverberate throughout the entire family.

In this episode, we dive into the critical importance of considering therapy for the entire family system. This episode offers strategies for gaining a deeper understanding of how family members at various developmental stages are affected, and how to create a safe space for open communication and emotional support within the family, prioritizing the children's development amidst distress.

Kathryn de Bruin is a Marriage and Family Therapist, Certified Emotional Focused Therapy Trainer and Supervisor, and Registered Play Therapist Supervisor. She has a full-time private practice in San Diego, CA where she works with children and families. Kathryn teaches Play Therapy at the University of California, San Diego, in the Play Therapy Program. She is a Director for the San Diego Center for EFT, and serves various EFT communities.

Lisa Palmer-Olsen, Psy.D. is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in San Diego California. She is a Certified EFT Therapist, Trainer, and Supervisor, and is a Founder and one of the Directors of the Emotionally Focused Couples Training and Research Institute at Alliant International University. Lisa completed her dissertation research on how to train and teach Emotionally Focused Couples therapy to professionals. Dr. Sue Johnson, the founder of EFT and Dr. Scott Woolley were part of her dissertation committee.

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website. In this episode

5:02 Lisa and Kathryn's journey into supporting couples and families.

10:00 The importance of considering the broader impact within the family system.

15:20 The growing trend of parents seeking comprehensive support.

19:40 Creating new pathways for family connection.

28:04 Creating space for dialogue within the family and seeking community resources to combat isolation.

46:43 Redefining conflict resolution in family law: The role of attachment-based mediation.

48:54 Valuable resources for individuals navigating family therapy and seeking emotional support.

Mentioned

Emotionally Focused Family Therapy: Restoring Connection and Promoting Resilience (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

The Good Divorce (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

Constance Ahrons, Ph.D.

EFT Therapist Search

ERP 175: How to Heal from an Affair – An Interview with Scott Woolley

Connect with Kathryn de Bruin & Dr. Lisa Palmer-Olsen

Websites: renovasandiego.com | kathryndebruin.com

Podcast: podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-family-express

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Signs of Emotional Immaturity: How to Identify and Support People with Emotional Immaturity

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 413: How Does Emotional Immaturity Develop & The Difference Between Emotional Immaturity And Emotional Abuse? Part Three Feb 27, 2024

In the ongoing series on emotional immaturity, we continue our exploration by delving deeper into the intricate dynamics that underpin its development. Drawing from our previous discussions, we aim to build upon foundational knowledge and delve into the nuanced differences between emotional immaturity and emotional abuse. By shedding light on these subtleties, we provide listeners with invaluable insights that can help them navigate complex emotional landscapes with greater understanding and clarity.

Through a blend of insightful discussion and actionable advice, our goal is to equip our audience with the tools necessary to not only recognize but also address and ultimately overcome emotional immaturity. By fostering a deeper understanding of these concepts, listeners can cultivate healthier connections and embark on a journey of personal growth.

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website. In this episode

09:05 Understanding the interplay of childhood experiences, parental influence, and intergenerational impact.

13:11 Exploring the obstacles hindering parental emotional responsiveness, including mental health issues, physical illness, addiction, trauma, and bereavement.

15:39 Understanding the role of trauma in emotional immaturity: Impact, coping mechanisms, and caregiver dynamics.

19:26 The perpetuating cycle of abuse: Impact, coping strategies, and emotional stunting.

21:23 The impact of unhealthy examples and poor upbringing to emotional immaturity.

23:33 The fine line between emotional immaturity and emotional abuse.

Mentioned

Recovering from Emotionally Immature Parents (Lindsay Gibson link) (book)

4 Types Of Emotionally Immature Parents

Tronick's Still Face Experiment (YouTube video link)

National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Stay or Go: How to Find the Confidence & Clarity You Need to Either Fix the Struggles in Your Marriage or Move Forward without Regret (book)

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 412: Why Divorce (Or Ending A Relationship) Should Always Be an Option — An Interview With Sharon Pope Feb 20, 2024

Although divorce is legally permissible and widely acknowledged in modern society, it remains burdened with significant stigma. The mere mention of it evokes palpable discomfort, as it's often viewed as a failure in a culture that emphasizes perseverance in relationships at all costs, even in the face of significant challenges.

In this episode, we challenge this narrative by exploring the necessity of maintaining divorce as an option in relationships. We delve into the profound importance of setting healthy boundaries and prioritizing individual well-being within the context of partnership. Join us as we unravel the complexities surrounding divorce, challenging listeners to consider its role in fostering healthier, more sustainable relationships.

Sharon Pope is a certified Master Life Coach, and a seven-time best-selling author on love and relationships, including "Stay or Go: How to Find the Confidence & Clarity You Need to Either Fix the Struggles in Your Marriage or Move Forward without Regret," which has sold more than 300,000 copies worldwide, and host of the podcast, "The Loving Truth." Sharon's been a guest on many podcasts and is committed to helping women and men get the tools they need to improve, heal, or release their struggling marriages.

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website. In this episode

05:52 Sharon challenges the notion that every marriage should be salvaged at all costs.

07:56 From personal heartbreak to professional passion: Sharon's journey to relationship coaching.

10:32 Sharon reflects on her personal evolution from blaming her ex-husband to embracing self-awareness and personal growth.

12:57 Moving beyond surface efforts.

17:20 The importance of regular relationship check-ins.

21:52 The stigma and significance of divorce within relationships.

28:39 Strategies for interrupting negative patterns in communication within relationships.

38:03 Setting boundaries and timeframes for relationship evaluation.

41:40 Embracing divorce as an option for setting healthy boundaries.

Mentioned

When Marriage Needs an Answer: The Decision to Fix Your Struggling Marriage or Leave Without Regret (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

Connect with Sharon Pope

Websites: sharonpope.com

Facebook: facebook.com/SharonPopeCoach

YouTube: youtube.com/@sharonpopecoach

Instagram: instagram.com/sharonpopecoach

TikTok: tiktok.com/@sharonpopecoach

LinkedIn: inkedin.com/in/sharon-pope-0705b28

Podcast: sharonpope.com/podcast

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

11 Signs of Emotional Immaturity in Relationships & Ways to Deal

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 411: What Are The Signs Of Emotional Immaturity In Relationship? Part Two Feb 13, 2024

Do you often feel like you're bearing the emotional burden in your relationship while your partner struggles to express their feelings and handle difficult conversations? If these dynamics sound familiar, you may be navigating the complexities of emotional immaturity in your relationship.

Welcome back to the Empowered Relationship Podcast, where we continue our exploration of emotional immaturity and its impact on relationships. If you missed part one of this multi-series, I highly recommend giving it a listen, where we explored five key characteristics of emotional immaturity.

In this episode, we're diving deeper into this topic by examining four additional characteristics. From struggles with healthy communication to difficulty engaging in hard conversations and conflicts, we'll unravel the intricacies of emotional immaturity and how it impacts intimate relationships.

Join us as we uncover valuable insights to cultivate deeper connections and intimacy with your significant other.

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website. In this episode

9:27 Dependency and validation: Key characteristics of emotional immaturity.

13:15 Challenges of emotional engagement and relational depth in emotionally immature relationships.

20:34 Unilateral decision-making and emotional detachment.

23:00 Avoidance, defensiveness, and blame-shifting.

28:10 Communication challenges and manipulative behaviors.

Mentioned

Signs of Emotional Immaturity

ERP 410: What Are the Signs of Emotional Immaturity in Relationship?

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 410: What Are The Signs Of Emotional Immaturity In Relationship? Feb 06, 2024

In a previous episode, discussions surrounding emotional immaturity and its genderized portrayal sparked significant interest and feedback from listeners. Responding to this engagement, today's episode marks the beginning of a comprehensive multi-part series, committed to exploring emotional immaturity in depth. The series aims to shed light on this topic without resorting to labels or diagnoses, acknowledging emotional immaturity as a developmental facet existing on a continuum.

This particular episode focuses on unraveling the concept of emotional immaturity, shedding light on its definition and key characteristics. Dr. Jessica Higgins underscores the significance of cultivating awareness as a tool for establishing realistic expectations and effectively navigating the challenges that emotional immaturity may pose in relationships.

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website. In this episode

8:50 Defining emotional immaturity: Recognizing patterns and understanding the continuum.

9:59 Challenges in emotion regulation and stress management.

15:53 Navigating emotional impulsivity and reactivity: Outward expressions and consequences.

24:04 Exploring low frustration tolerance and rigidity in thinking.

26:24 Navigating emotional blind spots: Understanding the lack of self-awareness and empathy.

28:59 Navigating self-centric patterns.

Mentioned

ERP 390: How to Recognize Emotional Immaturity & Abuse in Relationship — An Interview with Dr. David Hawkins

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 409: How To Experience An Opening During A Difficult Conversation For More Progress & Connection — An Interview With Chad and Angela Imhoff Jan 30, 2024

Navigating conflicts with a romantic partner can feel like an impossible challenge for many couples. Disagreements are a natural part of any long-term relationship as each individual brings a unique set of experiences, needs, and communication styles to the dynamic.

Conflicts often escalate quickly as defensiveness and hurt feelings take over, resulting in distance rather than resolution. Without tools to reframe discussions, truly listen without judgment, and repair misunderstandings, the relationship itself can be damaged over time by an accumulation of unaddressed issues.

In this episode, we offer valuable insights for effectively handling these challenges. Drawing on concepts from Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), we explore methods to deliberately slow down reactions and enhance self-awareness, uncovering the underlying dynamics at play. The principles of EFT guide individuals to navigate conflicts with empathy, fostering a genuine desire to fully understand their partner. Practical strategies are presented, providing a toolkit for fostering openings in challenging conversations.

Dr. Chad Imhoff is an EFT Certified Therapist, EFT Supervisor, and the director of the Arkansas EFT Community. He serves as Clinical Director of the Joshua Center, where he is also a therapist. Angela received her Master’s degree in Marriage and Family Therapy and is a Certified Life and Relationship Coach. They have a passion for helping couples have relational transformation and are devoted to seeing healing and change happen among individuals, couples, and families.

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website. In this episode

6:04 The transformative journey of Dr. Chad and Angela Imhoff in relationship therapy.

17:07 The influence of attachment theory in relationship dynamics.

21:26 How appraisal theory shapes relationship dynamics.

32:22 Understanding and honoring attachment styles.

35:31 Real-life examples showing how couples continue to navigate and understand the details of their relationships over time.

49:55 Navigating relationship triggers: Transforming conflict into understanding and growth.

56:56 Advanced strategies for navigating triggers and fostering connection.

Mentioned

Dr. Sue Johnson

George Faller

Dr. Ryan Rana

Success in Vulnerability

Connect with Chad and Angela Imhoff

Websites: therealimhoffs.com

Facebook: facebook.com/RealImhoffs

YouTube: youtube.com/channel/UCfVV6z7ni2C8MrlEX4UrP5A

Podcast: podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/connecting-couples/id1518876330

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 408: How To Repattern A People Pleasing Tendency — An Interview With Dr. Dana McNeil Jan 23, 2024

Many people struggle with establishing boundaries in their close relationships due to a tendency to people-please at the expense of their own needs. This challenge often stems from early relational dynamics in childhood, leading individuals to prioritize the needs and desires of those around them over their own well-being. Worrying about disappointing or upsetting others can make it difficult to assert one’s boundaries, as well as to engage in topics of conversation where there is conflict or disagreement.

In this episode, we explore the pervasive impact of people-pleasing behaviors on the relationship. Dr. Dana McNeil and Dr. Jessica Higgins offer actionable guidance for overcoming this challenge by addressing how to; recognize people-pleasing behaviors, understand the importance of boundaries, effectively communicate needs to partners, and negotiate differences in a way that fosters greater intimacy and understanding between partners. The discussion provides practical exercises and examples that can help listeners develop healthier relationship patterns centered around mutual care, respect, and fulfillment for both individuals.

Dr. Dana McNeil is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and founder of The Relationship Place, a group practice located in her hometown, San Diego, California. Dr. Dana’s practice specializes in relationship therapy and utilizes an evidence-based type of couples therapy known as the Gottman Method. Dr. Dana is a certified Gottman Method therapist and Doctor of Psychology. She also leads training at the Gottman Institute to help clinicians master the art of couples therapy.

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website. In this episode

5:10 Dr. Dana McNeil’s journey to therapeutic practice.

13:30 People-pleasing: Highlighting the challenges it poses in expressing needs and setting healthy boundaries.

20:25 Practical ways to identify and communicate personal needs, especially for individuals struggling with people-pleasing tendencies.

26:48 Building stronger relationships through open communication and honesty.

32:55 Setting boundaries, embracing vulnerability, and overcoming people-pleasing.

39:40 Embracing differences and talking through challenges.

Mentioned

D-Spot Conversations: Navigating Today’s Complicated Relationships (download link)

Hendricks Institute

ERP 269: How to Break Free from the Nice Guy Syndrome That Is Holding You Back – An Interview with Dr.Robert Glover

ERP 323: One of the Most Important Relationship Skills – Being Relational — An Interview with Terry Real

Connect with Dr. Dana McNeil

Websites: danamcneil.com | sdrelationshipplace.com | dspotpodcast.com

Facebook: facebook.com/DrDanaMcNeil | facebook.com/sdrelationshipplace

YouTube: youtube.com/channel/UCTiGMC8VeLRMFl8FN9MYFSg | youtube.com/@dspotpodcast/videos

Instagram: instagram.com/drdanamcneil | instagram.com/sdrelationshipplace | instagram.com/dspotpodcast

LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/dr-dana-mcneil

Podcast: podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-d-spot/id1629708409 (Apple Podcast link)

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 407: Things To Consider (Biologically) When Engaging In The HookUp Culture — An Interview With Dr. Joe Malone Jan 16, 2024

The hookup culture is a societal shift characterized by casual, short-term sexual engagements, highlighting a reluctance to commit to long-term relationships. This cultural phenomenon, especially prevalent among young adults and college students, poses challenges rooted in an insufficient understanding of the physiological and emotional aspects involved. The immediate pursuit of pleasure, combined with societal expectations, frequently results in miscommunication, unmet expectations, and emotional turmoil, reshaping the dynamics of modern relationships.

In this episode, Dr. Joe Malone and Dr. Jessica Higgins share valuable insights and actionable steps to navigate this complex landscape, providing a nuanced perspective on fostering healthier connections amid the complexities of contemporary dating norms. Join us as we unpack the intricacies of the hookup culture and discover strategies to cultivate more meaningful and fulfilling relationships.

Dr. Joe Malone, The Sexual Integrity Scientist. holds a Ph.D. in Health and Human Performance with a minor in neuropsychology and a specialization in women’s health and sexual wellness. He taught at Middle Tennessee State University from 2005-2017 and has guest lectured at Vanderbilt and Princeton as well as other major universities. He’s the author of Battle of the Sexes: Raising Sexual IQ to Lower Sexual Conflict and Empower Lasting Love.

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website. In this episode

5:40 From fitness to sexual wellness advocacy: Dr. Joe Malone’s profound journey and insights into hookup culture.

13:46 The impact of technology on hookup culture and the quest for genuine connection.

22:10 The desires and challenges of young men in building meaningful relationships.

26:52 Dr. Joe Malone advocates for the vital role of marriage in young men’s lives.

34:56 The challenges young individuals face in understanding their sexual desires amid prevalent societal messages.

39:04 Exploring the influence of testosterone and oxytocin on sexual thoughts and bonding.

40:58 Empowering women to redefine relationship standards and prioritize quality over quantity.

47:23 Balancing tradition and individual expression in contemporary contexts.

Mentioned

Battles of the Sexes: Raising Sexual IQ to Lower Sexual Conflict and Empower Lasting Love (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

Connect with Dr. Joe Malone

Websites: drjoemalone.com

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 406: How To Negotiate The Division Of Labor For A More Harmonious Relationship — An Interview With Brian Page Jan 09, 2024

According to research, in 39% of households, women contribute equally or more to the income compared to men. This transformation, while positive, marks a significant shift from traditional gender roles and poses a unique challenge when both partners are engaged in the workforce.

Historically, women often assumed the role of stay-at-home moms, responsible for all household chores. Women raised in such settings encounter the challenge of harmonizing these deeply rooted expectations with the pressures of a thriving career. As a result, the need to redefine the concept of a successful mother and wife becomes crucial, calling for collaborative endeavors from both spouses.

In this episode, we explore strategies and insights aimed at addressing this dynamic, guiding couples through the process of redefining gender roles and fostering mutual understanding.

Brian Page is the founder of Modern Husbands. He shares ideas on managing money and the home as a team. He is a former Milken National Educator of the Year, CNN Money Hero, and Working Group Member of President Obama’s Advisory Council on Financial Capability. He consulted for state governments, universities, and various nonprofits.

He served a one-year term as a Visiting Scholar at the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau in the Office of Financial Education.

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website. In this episode

4:26 Brian Paige’s personal journey into redefining relationship dynamics.

10:28 Navigating the learning curve: Redefining roles and managing mental load in modern relationships.

17:20 Streamlining life: Outsourcing, automating, and systematizing for reduced cognitive load in relationships.

21:14 Navigating division of labor and money in relationships

34:05 Striving for equitable leisure.

31:41 The power of regular household business meetings.

37:19 Empowering marriages with valuable resources: The modern husband's toolkit.

39:34 The significance of understanding the deep-seated beliefs and potential traumas that influence a partner's financial decisions.

Mentioned

Transition to Marriage Toolkit (course)

Connect with Brian Page

Websites: modernhusbands.com

Facebook: facebook.com/modernhusbands

Twitter: twitter.com/ModernHusbands

YouTube: youtube.com/@ModernHusbands

Instagram: instagram.com/modernhusband

LinkedIn: linkedin.com/company/modernhusbands

Podcast: modernhusbands.com/podcasts

Newsletter: modernhusbands.com/newsletter

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 405: How To Manage Relationships With In-Laws More Effectively - Part Two Jan 02, 2024

In the previous episode, we delved into the intricacies of navigating challenging relationships with in-laws, particularly amidst the holiday season. We discussed valuable insights on emotional regulation and proactive communication.

Now, in part two, Dr. Jessica Higgins further explores the multifaceted nature of conflicts and disparities that can arise in these relationships. Drawing from client cases and personal anecdotes, she illuminates common challenges encountered.

In this episode, Dr. Higgins focuses on three key areas related to privacy within the context of in-law relationships. The overarching theme is the crucial need for partners to align their perspectives and establish a shared understanding, especially when it comes to issues like proximity, boundaries, and the level of disclosure within the extended family.

If you haven't listened to part one of this series, I recommend that you do. You'll find the link below.

In this episode

9:32 Navigating the delicate balance of privacy in in-law relationships.

13:13 Navigating differences in food etiquette with in-laws.

16:03 Navigating challenges of inclusion in family conversations.

19:06 Balancing time spent with in-laws.

20:14 Decision-making dynamics: Navigating influence and power in family interactions.

22:54 Navigating grandparental involvement in parenting: Balancing resources and boundaries.

30:24 Cultivating compassion and setting realistic expectations in in-law relationships

34:01 Self-care strategies for setting boundaries in family dynamics.

39:54 Cultivating generosity and kindness in family dynamics.

Mentioned

ERP 404: How to Manage Relationships with In-Laws More Effectively — Part One

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 404: How to Manage Relationships with In-Laws More Effectively — Part One Dec 26, 2023

Navigating relationships with in-laws is often a subtle journey filled with its unique set of challenges, and it's a topic that has generated numerous requests from our audience. As we find ourselves on the brink of the holiday season, these challenges may become more pronounced, making it an opportune time to address the intricacies of managing relationships with in-laws.

In this episode, Dr. Jessica Higgins provides actionable insights and practical tips to empower listeners in navigating these relationships more effectively. Whether you're grappling with strained connections, seeking strategies for smoother communication, or simply aiming to enhance understanding within the family unit, this episode is for you.

Join us as we explore the nuances of in-law interactions, offering valuable perspectives to help you approach these dynamics with intention and foster healthier connections within your family circle.

In this episode

4:07 Navigating challenging relationships with in-laws during the holiday season.

8:49 A reflective inventory and setting realistic goals.

13:03 Relationship milestones, family expectations, and cultural considerations.

20:33 The influence of family structure on in-law relationships and the vital role of consensus in marital success.

25:56 A gentle approach to discussing challenges and setting healthy boundaries.

34:59 Tips for emotional regulation and proactive communication.

Mentioned

You Aren’t as Close to my Family as You Think: Discordant Perceptions about In-laws and Risk of Divorce (*NCBI link) (research)

Marriage and In-Laws: Factors Influencing Marital Stability (*Adelphi University link) (research)

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 403: How Do Spendthrifts and Tightwads Learn To Work Together In Relationship — An Interview With Dr. Scott Rick Dec 19, 2023

Spendthrifts and tightwads represent opposite ends of the financial spectrum. A spendthrift tends to be more liberal with spending, often embracing a carefree attitude toward financial matters. On the other hand, a tightwad tends to be more frugal, prioritizing saving and cautious spending. Navigating these distinct financial personalities can pose challenges in a partnership, requiring thoughtful communication, compromise, and understanding to create a balanced and harmonious approach to shared finances.

In this episode, we delve into the intricacies of these differing financial approaches, offering actionable strategies to foster collaboration between spendthrifts and tightwads. From exploring joint accounts with individual freedoms to deciphering the art of thoughtful gift-giving beyond monetary values, the conversation provides practical insights. By emphasizing the delicate balance between shared financial goals and individual autonomy, the episode aims to equip couples with tangible steps to navigate the complexities of money matters. Tune in for valuable guidance on building financial harmony and strengthening communication in relationships marked by diverse spending tendencies.

Dr. Scott Rick is the author of Tightwads and Spendthrifts: Navigating the Money Minefield in Real Relationships. He is a marketing professor at the University of Michigan’s Ross School of Business and holds a PhD in Behavioral Decision Research from Carnegie Mellon, where he was a National Science Foundation graduate research fellow. His research on consumer behavior has been covered in outlets such as The New York Times and The Wall Street Journal. He has published in premier journals spanning marketing, psychology, and economics.

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website. In this episode

5:49 Scott Rick’s journey into exploring spending orientations shaped by spendthrift influences.

10:17 Navigating the dynamics of tightwads and spendthrifts in relationships: Understanding protective strategies and attraction.

20:18 Financial continuums, tensions, and the concept of financial translucency.

26:05 Balancing financial transparency: Navigating autonomy, trust, and communal approaches in relationships.

36:19 Unlocking the art of gift-giving: Thoughtful gestures, sacrifice, and relationship enrichment.

Mentioned

Tightwads and Spendthrifts: Navigating the Money Minefield in Real Relationships (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

The 36 Questions That Lead to Love (*The New York Times link)

Connect with Dr. Scott Rick

Websites: scottrick.com

Twitter: twitter.com/scottianrick

LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/scottianrick

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Transaction Analysis by Eric Berne

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 402: Using Plant Medicine To Assist With Growth & Transformation — An Interview With Nicole & Megan Michelena Dec 12, 2023

Embarking on a journey of profound spiritual exploration, particularly through plant medicine, can be a transformative endeavor. However, with the promise of self-discovery comes the responsibility of navigating these realms with caution.

In this episode, we delve into the potential pitfalls of venturing into the depths of spiritual work, offering cautionary insights to those considering or already immersed in plant medicine journeys. A wealth of knowledge and experiences are brought to light, highlighting the risks linked to inexperienced facilitators and emphasizing the significance of traditional shamanic practices. Offering practical tips for a safer and more intentional approach, this episode aims to empower listeners on their spiritual quests, fostering a sense of awareness and responsibility in the pursuit of profound personal growth.

Megan and Nicole Michelena are Microdosing Institute-certified mental health experts specializing in psychedelic medicine. They are known as the @zenchronicity_sisters and are the co-founders of Zenchronicity, a plant medicine microdosing mentorship program that supports healing through psilocybin mushrooms. Megan is also a certified holistic nutritionist and health coach, and both are trauma-informed yoga teachers and experts in psychedelic medicine. They are also precious stone jewelry makers and crystal experts, and Megan is a gifted astrologer.

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website. In this episode

6:07 Navigating the terrain of plant medicine: Insights and considerations with Dr. Jessica Higgins.

12:55 Journey to mastery: The zen chronicity sisters on plant medicine, healing, and self-discovery.

18:51 Nicole’s perspective on plant medicine and the inner journey to transformation.

29:29 Navigating microdosing and plant medicine with Zen Chronicity.

39:38 How psilocybin softens neuroplasticity and transforms consciousness.

43:40 Balancing energies: Navigating the dance of masculine and feminine in psychedelic healing.

55:52 Integrating plant medicine with traditional shamanic wisdom.

1:08:03 Practical tips for safe and transformative plant medicine experiences.

Mentioned

Zenchronicity Podcast (*Apple podcast link)

Plants of the Gods (*Apple podcast link)

Hamilton Morris (*Wikipedia article)

The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

ERP 305: The Surprising & Powerful Benefits of Learning to Tolerate Discomfort — An Interview with Dr. Anna Lembke (podcast episode)

ERP 346: Accessing Relatedness & the Priority of Connection — An Interview with Gabriel Kram (podcast episode)

Connect with Nicole & Megan Michelena

Websites: zenchronicity222.com

Instagram: instagram.com/zenchronicity_podcast | instagram.com/zenchronicity_sisters

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 401: How To Love & Support Someone Who Has Experienced Sexual Trauma — An Interview With Megan Negendank Dec 05, 2023

The impact of sexual trauma on survivors often leaves a lasting imprint on both their emotional and physical well-being. Alongside grappling with feelings of fear, anger, and sadness, the trauma may be unconsciously stored in the body and unexpectedly reexperienced through somatic triggers during intimate moments. This can undermine a survivor's sense of safety, trust in others, and ability to freely experience closeness.

In this episode, we delve into an often unexplored topic of relationships—navigating the intricate terrain of supporting a partner who has endured sexual trauma. The episode not only sheds light on the challenges faced but also presents practical steps, fostering a sense of hope and connection for both survivors and their partners. Join us as we explore the profound impact of trauma on intimacy and how intentional, informed efforts can contribute to healing and strengthen the bonds within these relationships.

Megan Lara Negendank, LMFT, CST, is a licensed marriage and family therapist, and a certified sex therapist. She is the founder of Love Heal Grow, a relationship therapy center in Northern California where she specializes in trauma-informed, relationship-focused psychotherapy for survivors of trauma and their partners. She has been featured as a relationship expert on PBS, NPR, and in Sacramento Magazine.

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website. In this episode

5:15 Megan Negendank’s mission to support survivors and partners through trauma-informed therapy.

9:49 Navigating the complexity of survivor experiences and partner support in the realm of sexual trauma.

17:02 Coping mechanisms, trust challenges, and partner support in sexual trauma recovery.

22:37 Communication, consent, and partner self-compassion in the aftermath of sexual trauma.

32:55 Building bridges to stability: Navigating trauma in relationships through co-regulation and secure functioning.

Mentioned

Loving Someone Who Has Sexual Trauma: A Compassionate Guide to Supporting Your Partner and Improving Your Relationship (The New Harbinger Loving Someone Series) (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

Connect with Megan Negendank

Websites: lovehealgrow.com

Instagram: instagram.com/megan.lovehealgrow

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 400: How To Pivot Away From Creating Unhappiness - To The Path Of More Happiness With Others Nov 28, 2023

The holiday season traditionally beckons gatherings with loved ones, friends, and family, often involving travel to reunite with those we haven't seen in a while. While these occasions can be overwhelmingly positive, the nuances of family and relationship dynamics often introduce challenges.

In this episode, we delve into the common tendencies of complaining, comparing, and criticizing, which can disrupt the joyous spirit of gatherings. We delve into insightful strategies to pivot away from these unproductive habits, offering practical solutions for a more positive and enriching experience. By exploring the three P's—pride, pleasure, and purpose—listeners are guided on a journey toward fostering deeper connections during festive occasions, enhancing the quality of interactions with loved ones, and ultimately cultivating a path to greater happiness.

In this episode

5:29 The impact of holiday gatherings on our mental tendencies.

9:18 Negative thought patterns and their impact on relationships.

15:52 Applying Gottman’s 5:1 ratio to strengthen connections in every relationship.

23:34 The impact of negative behaviors on relationships.

32:09 Cultivating happiness through connection and purpose.

Unpacking the Three C's

First, let's clarify the three C's to avoid.

1. Comparing We often find ourselves anticipating comparisons, preparing to evaluate and rank ourselves, and engaging in a subtle one-up/one-down competition. Measures of Success:

Career Achievements (promotions)
Health and Fitness (body weight)
Financial Status
Attractiveness and Beauty (aging, wrinkles, clothing, hair)
Knowledge (current events, politics)
Social Engagements (events attended, people met)
Fun (recreational activities, trips, etc.)

All these aspects contribute to an individual's sense of meaning, purpose, and pride. However, when the intention is to impress or compete to feel superior, it can lead to putting oneself above others, inadvertently diminishing their value. Antidote: Practice expressing appreciation and gratitude for oneself, aiming for a list of 10 appreciations as a countermeasure.

2. Complaining Expressing challenges is a natural way to seek attention and understanding, often as an attempt to bond with others who can relate to hardships. However, dwelling on difficulties, akin to sharing war stories, provides limited satisfaction in connecting. Antidote: Counteracting complaints involves identifying at least 10 positive aspects overlooked in the situation, fostering a more optimistic perspective.

3. Criticizing Judging someone's behavior, especially in family or friendship dynamics, can stem from underlying longings, needs, or vulnerabilities, with limited potential for change compared to romantic relationships. Antidote: If change seems unlikely, self-support involves addressing personal needs and longings through alternative means or advocating for oneself, including setting boundaries. Additionally, acknowledging 10 positive qualities or attributes the person brings to your life can help shift the focus away from criticism.

The Negative Effects of the 3 C’s

Diminished Self-Esteem: Engaging in constant comparison and criticism can lead to feelings of inadequacy, lower self-worth, and diminished self-esteem.
Strained Relationships: Continuous criticism and complaining can put strain on relationships, eroding trust, creating tension, and reducing the overall sense of safety and satisfaction.
Dissatisfaction in Interactions: The repetitive nature of the 3 C's can leave interactions feeling less meaningful and satisfying, contributing to a sense of dissatisfaction.
Avoidance and Disconnection: Over time, the cumulative effect of the 3 C's may lead to avoidance of certain individuals or a decrease in engagement, negatively impacting the connection in relationships.
Missed Opportunities for Growth: Focusing on the negative aspects may lead to missed opportunities for personal and relational growth, hindering the exploration of positive and enriching experiences.
Draining Interactions: Engaging in the 3 C's can be emotionally draining, both for oneself and others, as the emphasis on negativity outweighs the potential for positive and uplifting interactions.
Empowerment and Blame Cycle: The cycle of blame, competition, and one-upmanship perpetuated by the 3 C's can create a disempowered mindset, hindering the celebration of others and fostering deeper connections.
Lack of Meaning and Significance: Constant comparison and criticism may lead to a focus on surface-level attributes, overshadowing the potential for deeper connections and the meaningful aspects of relationships.

The 3 P’s of Happiness

Now that we've explored the challenges posed by the three C's, let's shift our focus to the transformative power of the three P's.

The concept of the three P's — Pride, Purpose, and Pleasure — draws inspiration from Blue Zone research, examining communities globally recognized for longevity and well-being. Here are actionable strategies aligned with the three P's to foster a balanced and fulfilling life:

1. Pride:

Build Community Bonds: Connect with your community, nurturing positive relationships for a heightened sense of belonging and pride.
Embrace Traditions: Celebrate cultural or community traditions to strengthen your connection to heritage and foster pride.
Achieve Personal Goals: Pursue goals aligned with your values, cultivating a sense of pride and satisfaction.
Share Your Successes: Acknowledge and share your accomplishments, reinforcing a positive sense of pride.

2. Purpose:

Discover Your Ikigai: Explore your 'ikigai,' finding purpose at the intersection of passion, skill, societal need, and earning potential.
Volunteer and Give Back: Contribute to causes aligned with your values, experiencing purpose through meaningful engagement.
Set Long-Term Goals: Establish enduring goals reflecting your passions and values for a sense of purpose.
Reflect on Core Values: Regularly align actions with core values, providing direction and purpose in life.

3. Pleasure:

Prioritize Social Bonds: Cultivate meaningful relationships with friends and family, crucial for overall happiness.
Opt for Balanced Nutrition: Enjoy a varied, nutritious diet in moderation for physical and mental well-being.
Incorporate Physical Activity: Integrate joyful exercises like walking or dancing into daily routines.
Practice Mindfulness: Dedicate time to mindfulness practices, enhancing the enjoyment of the present moment.
Embrace Nature: Spend time outdoors, connecting with nature for increased pleasure and well-being.
Cultivate Hobbies: Engage in passion-driven activities, such as art or gardening, for a more pleasurable life.

By integrating these strategies, you can elevate your overall well-being, embracing the principles of Pride, Purpose, and Pleasure observed in Blue Zone communities.

Mentioned

The Magic Ratio: The Key to Relationship Satisfaction

Blue Zones of Happiness, The: Lessons From the World's Happiest People (The Blue Zones) (*Amazon affiliate link) (book)

25 Days To Strengthening Your Love Through Kindness (free guide link)

ERP 125: How Kindness Can Strengthen Your Love (podcast episode)

ERP 128: How Kindness Can Strengthen Your Love – Part Two (podcast episode)

ERP 129: How Kindness Can Strengthen Your Love – Part Three (podcast episode)

ERP 130: How Kindness Can Strengthen Your Love – Part Four (podcast episode)

ERP 130: How Kindness Can Strengthen Your Love – Part Five (podcast episode)

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

ERP 174: How to Experience More Love in Your Relationship With Byron Katie

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 399: What’s Going On When We Rely On Others For Our Happiness — An Interview With Deb Blum Nov 21, 2023

Entrusting our happiness to others implies depending on external validation or circumstances to feel content, fulfilled, or complete. Instead of finding intrinsic sources of joy and fulfillment within ourselves, we place the responsibility for our happiness on external influences. This reliance on external factors, especially in relationships, may result in emotional vulnerability and fragile self-esteem.

In this episode, we explore the complexities of self-discovery and healing within relationships, delving into the significance of inner child work and its impact on our emotional well-being. We discuss the challenges of embracing vulnerability, acknowledging our shadows, and breaking free from the patterns that hinder personal growth. The conversation highlights the role of self-love and acceptance in fostering healthier connections with ourselves and others, emphasizing the importance of authenticity and genuine expression in our journey toward fulfillment.

Deb Blum is a visionary leader and the founder of The Whole Soul Way, a transformational program dedicated to empowering women on their journey toward self-discovery and authentic expression. Through her step-by-step process, Deb helps self-led, do-it-all women break free from fear, conditioning, and external expectations, enabling them to express themselves fully, therefore creating more success, emotionally fulfilling relationships, happiness, and inner peace without losing their edge or disrupting the lives they've worked so hard to create.

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website. In this episode

5:59 Introducing Deb Blum and her transformative program dedicated to empowering women through self-discovery.

11:17 Unveiling unconscious behaviors: Exploring tendencies to criticize, blame, or project onto others.

19:02 Deb Blum recounts how the pressure of motherhood and a desire for control brought projecting tendencies to light, leading to insights about her expectations and relationship dynamics.

28:41 Navigating identity attachments: Embracing the complexity of the human condition.

33:20 Unveiling the energy dynamics of repression and embracing the multifaceted human experience.

46:03 Nurturing wholeness through reparenting: The transformative journey.

51:48 The significance of overcoming defensiveness and creating space for genuine dialogue.

57:07 Support and resources.

Mentioned

The Whole Soul Way (*program sales page)

Out of the Shadows: A Shadow Work Starter Kit (*free resources)

Do-It-All Inner Power Animal Quiz (*quiz)

Connect with Deb Blum

Websites: thewholesoulway.com

Facebook: facebook.com/DebBlumOfficial

YouTube: youtube.com/debblumnow

Instagram: instagram.com/debblum

TikTok: tiktok.com/@deb.blum

LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/debblum

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 398: How To Experience Both Freedom & Connection In Relationship — An Interview With Dr. Don St John Nov 14, 2023

In a society that highly values individual achievements and personal pursuits, the dynamics of maintaining emotional closeness within relationships undergo a subtle but significant transformation. Emphasizing autonomy, self-expression, and personal goal pursuit, societal norms shape how individuals navigate connections.

In this episode, we explore the nuanced dynamics of emotional intimacy within the context of contemporary societal norms that often prioritize individual pursuits. The discussion delves into the delicate interplay between autonomy and togetherness, shedding light on the challenges individuals face in maintaining meaningful connections while pursuing personal goals. The impact of trauma on relationships is unpacked, highlighting the complexities of healing in the realm of emotional closeness.

Join us as we navigate the fine line between independence and the inherent desire for emotional proximity, unraveling the secrets to fostering meaningful connections in a culture that champions individuality.

Dr. St John is a psychotherapist, somatic fluid movement and meditation educator, and author of “Healing the Wounds of Childhood and Culture: An Adventure of a Lifetime”. He overcame severe childhood trauma and has engaged in the healing process both personally and professionally for 60 years.

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website. In this episode

5:09 From brokenness to healing: Dr. Don St John’s personal and professional journey.

11:30 The coherence model: Balancing freedom and cohesion in intimate relationships.

14:56 The importance of embracing both closeness and independence in a relationship.

27:09 Navigating change, personal growth, and cultural shifts.

32:47 Shifting from individual identity to cooperative connection.

50:06 Additional resources and information.

Mentioned

Healing the Wounds of Childhood and Culture: An Adventure of a Lifetime (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: 30th Anniversary Edition (The Covey Habits Series) (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

ERP 348: Access Intraconnection for Well-Being — An Interview with Dr. Daniel Siegel

Connect with Dr. Don St John

Websites: pathsofconnection.com

Facebook: facebook.com/don.s.john.90

Instagram: instagram.com/drdonstjohn

LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/don-st-john-36636a55

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Center for Loss & Life Transition

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 397: How Partners May Grieve Differently — An Interview with Kelly Cervantes Nov 07, 2023

Grief is a deeply personal and often challenging emotional journey, one that can take on countless forms and manifest in diverse ways. When couples endure such heart-wrenching moments, they often discover that they grieve differently, which can strain their relationships. This can create a profound and sometimes bewildering disconnect in the relationship, leading to feelings of isolation, frustration, and confusion.

In this enlightening conversation, we delve into the complexities of grieving differently as a couple and explore valuable insights to help couples maintain and enhance their connections during these trying times. By recognizing the individuality of each person's grief, fostering open and honest communication, and seeking external support when necessary, couples can discover meaningful ways to journey through their mourning together, strengthening their emotional bonds in the process.

Kelly Cervantes is an award-winning writer, speaker, and advocate best known for her blog Inchstones. She is the immediate past board chair for the nonprofit CURE Epilepsy and also hosts their biweekly podcast, Seizing Life. Kelly currently resides in Maplewood, NJ, with her husband, Miguel Cervantes currently starring in Hamilton on Broadway, their children, and two dogs, Tabasco and Sriracha. Her book Normal Broken: The Grief Companion For When It’s Time to Heal But You’re Not Sure You Want To.

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website. In this episode

5:28 Kelly Cervantes’ grief journey and its impact on relationships.

17:17 The importance of open communication and managing expectations.

21:12 The evolving nature of grief in relationships: Communication, acceptance, and moments of connection.

27:59 Navigating connection and intimacy amidst grief: The impact of a pandemic and prior experiences.

39:29 The significance of seeking and accepting support during the grieving process.

45:28 Creating shared meaning in grief: Finding moments of connection and support.

Mentioned

Normal Broken: The Grief Companion for When It's Time to Heal but You're Not Sure You Want To (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

Grief Refuge (download link) (app)

Connect with Kelly Cervantes

Websites: kellycervantes.com

Facebook: facebook.com/kellygc411

Twitter: twitter.com/KellyGC411

Instagram: instagram.com/kellygc411

LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kelly-cervantes-6b3a7ba

Podcast: podcasts.apple.com/ca/podcast/seizing-life/id1450310889

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

ERP 344: How Our Language Can Steer & Shape Our Relationships — An Interview with Dr. Georgi Gardiner

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 396: How To Recognize Unhelpful & Misguided Relationship Advice — An Interview With Zach Brittle Oct 31, 2023

Are you tired of sifting through an endless sea of relationship advice, much of which seems more unhelpful than beneficial? We're often bombarded with well-intentioned but sometimes misguided advice. You've likely heard phrases like "never go to bed angry" or "love will conquer all," but do these sayings truly hold the key to a thriving, enduring partnership?

In this episode, we'll explore the common cliches and one-size-fits-all solutions that sound good in theory but often fall short in practice. Discover the art of de-escalating conflicts, the power of emotional vocabulary, and how to recognize unhelpful advice that may be holding you back from deeper intimacy. If you're seeking to transform your understanding of relationships, this episode will empower you to question the common myths and embrace a more profound, lasting connection.

Zach Brittle is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor (LMHC), a Certified Gottman Therapist (CGT), and a Certified Relational Life Therapist (RLT). He serves as the founder and co-host of Marriage Therapy Radio and has authored the best-selling relationship guide "The Relationship Alphabet" and the Marriage Therapy Journal. His marriage to Rebecca has been a source of happiness for 24 out of 26 years, with the 8th and 18th years proving to be rather challenging. They live in Seattle with their two adulting daughters.

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website. In this episode

4:55 A peek into Zach’s journey: His work, podcast, and personal life.

9:21 Zack’s unique approach to therapy.

14:23 Debunking the myth: “Marriage is a marathon, not a sprint”

19:20 The influence of language on behavior and choices within relationships.

26:33 Deconstructing defensiveness and criticism: An approach to authentic communication.

29:45 Challenging unhelpful relationship advice.

33:43 The importance of de-escalation and repair in conflict.

40:47 Connect with Zach Brittle and marriage therapy radio.

Mentioned

Marriage Therapy Radio (*Apple Podcast link)

Marriage Therapy Journal (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

The Relationship Alphabet: A Practical Guide to Better Connection for Couples (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

ERP 058: Beyond the Wedding. What Is Marriage Really Like?

Connect with Zach Brittle

Websites: zachbrittle.com

Facebook: facebook.com/marriagetherapyradio

TikTok: tiktok.com/@marriagetherapyradio

Instagram: instagram.com/marriagetherapyradio/?hl=en

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 395: How To Navigate Relationship When One Partner Is Choosing Sobriety — An Interview With Celeste Yvonne Oct 24, 2023

In recent years, the rise of the celebrated "mommy wine" culture has given rise to a pressing issue that provides a deceptively innocent escape for mothers. Yet beneath the surface, many mothers find themselves entangled in a web of excessive alcohol consumption that negatively affects their lives and relationships.

In this episode, Celeste Yvonne and Dr. Jessica Higgins delve into the challenging dynamics faced by couples when one partner decides to embrace sobriety while the other continues to drink. We explore the isolation and emotional strain often experienced by those navigating this complex terrain. The discussion offers actionable steps and resources to help couples communicate effectively, set boundaries, and ultimately find a path to understanding and connection amid the complexities of one partner's journey toward sobriety.

Sober mom advocate, Celeste Yvonne, is a writer and certified recovery coach (IAPRC) with over 20 years of experience as a communications professional in corporate America. Over five years sober and a founding host of the Sober Mom Squad, Celeste advocates for mothers who struggle with addiction and mental health.

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website. In this episode

3:20 Celeste Yvonne’s journey from corporate professional to sobriety advocate.

8:08 Understanding the emotional impact of substance use in motherhood.

15:48 Honest conversations and support in navigating alcoholism and recovery.

20:54 The power of community in sobriety: Overcoming loneliness and isolation.

25:23 Strategies for addressing problematic drinking within relationships.

32:16 Creating empathetic conversations and finding support in challenging relationships.

48:27 Support for moms: Breaking free from the mommy wine culture.

Mentioned

It's Not About the Wine: The Loaded Truth Behind Mommy Wine Culture (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

Connect with Celeste Yvonne

Websites: celesteyvonne.substack.com | sobermomsquad.com

Facebook: facebook.com/sobermomsquad

Instagram: instagram.com/theultimatemomchallenge | instagram.com/sobermomsquad

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 394: How To Express Your Emotional Needs In Relationship - An Interview With Dr. Laura Louis Oct 17, 2023

Are you finding it difficult to communicate your emotional needs in your relationship, leaving you and your partner feeling like you're speaking different emotional languages? Sad to say, you are not alone in this struggle. Many individuals face the challenge of effectively expressing their emotional desires to their loved ones.

In this enlightening conversation, we delve into this very issue and explore actionable steps to improve your communication and connection. From recognizing emotional triggers to embracing self-soothing techniques, you'll discover how to build an environment of safety and openness in your relationship. Join us as we unravel the secrets to clearer communication and a deeper emotional connection.

Dr. Laura Louis, author of "Marital Peace," is a Licensed Psychologist with a Ph.D. from Howard University's APA-accredited Counseling Psychology Program. With over 10 years of experience in the field, she specializes in multicultural and couples counseling. Her expertise includes increasing intimacy, rebuilding trust post-infidelity, and enhancing communication skills. Dr. Louis also addresses various clinical issues, offers career counseling, and aids in acculturation for immigrants. Her background spans diverse settings, from psychiatric hospitals to elementary schools, where she focuses on improving sleep and stress management for individuals and organizations.

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website. In this episode

4:17 Introducing Dr. Laura Louis: A multifaceted expert in relationship counseling.

7:05 The foundation of expressing emotional needs.

15:02 Various factors that can unconsciously interfere with our ability to Express emotional needs.

22:13 A step-by-step approach to expressing emotional needs.

29:35 Navigating emotional risks in communication.

39:08 Practical aspects of recognizing emotional triggers and self-soothing techniques.

Mentioned

Marital Peace (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

Connect with Dr. Laura Louis

Websites: atlantacoupletherapy.com

Facebook: facebook.com/AtlantaCoupleTherapy | facebook.com/groups/BlackMarriageMattersOfficial (*group)

YouTube: youtube.com/channel/UCh2I0xywV8TuKM9xs4yqh2g

Instagram: instagram.com/dr.lauralouis

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Imago Relationship Therapy

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 393: How To Get Through The Power Struggle In Relationship — An Interview With Shan Merchant Oct 10, 2023

Power struggle is a phase in a relationship where couples face heightened awareness of their differences, needs, and unmet expectations. It represents a shift from the initial romantic honeymoon stage to a stage where partners become more aware of each other's flaws and unresolved issues. This stage is marked by emotional turbulence and communication breakdowns as couples navigate the complexities of their evolving connection. However, it's also seen as an opportunity for growth and transformation if approached with conscious effort and relationship skills.

In this episode, we explore dynamic strategies and practical tools to help couples overcome challenges in their relationship and foster a more peaceful, loving connection. Discover how to determine which stage your relationship is in, prioritize emotional safety, communicate with empathy, and deepen your mutual understanding. Join us as we discuss practical steps to strengthen your relationship and establish a robust foundation for lasting love and harmony.

Shan is an Imago Couples Therapist and Relationship Expert. She helps professional couples on the brink of divorce finally find peace in their relationship and put their wedding rings back on. She's authored the book "From Power Struggle to Peaceful Couple". Shan's on a mission to stop couples settling for unhappy relationships that drain their energy because she believes great relationships are the foundation for a great life. Shan works globally from England.

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website. In this episode

3:52 Shan’s journey: From romantic dreams to relationship expertise.

14:08 Understanding and navigating the power struggle in relationships.

22:08 Embracing conflict as nature’s savage gifts in the power struggle.

26:36 Emotional safety and communication in a relationship.

34:47 The imago dialogue: A structured path to safe and effective communication in relationships.

38:02 Using dialogue to improve communication in relationships.

45:13 Improving communication in relationships through empathy and respect.

Mentioned

Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples, 20th Anniversary Edition (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

ERP 138: The Most Critical Ingredient for Relationship Success With Dr. Harville Hendrix & Dr. Helen Lakelly Hunt

ERP 303: How to Create Safe Conversations — An Interview with Drs. Harville Hendrix & Helen Lakelly Hunt

Connect with Shan Merchant

Websites: shanmerchant.com

Facebook: facebook.com/shannon.merchant.3

LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/shan-merchant-couples-therapist-dating-relationships

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 392: How To Reduce Reactive Patterns In Relationship — An Interview With Adele Spraggon Oct 03, 2023

In relationships, conflicts and disputes are virtually inevitable. However, it's not the presence of conflict that threatens our connections, but rather the way we react to it. Often, when tensions arise, our reactions can become automatic, triggering emotional patterns that can escalate discord and disrupt intimacy. Many times, these reactive patterns stem from our early life experiences and can profoundly affect our relationships, making it essential to understand and address them.

In this illuminating discussion, we explore a revolutionary method for addressing these deeply ingrained patterns. Discover how to identify, take ownership of, deconstruct, and reconstruct these patterns, ultimately gaining the ability to convert conflicts into chances for personal development, enhanced connections, and heightened intimacy within our relationships.

Join us as we explore practical strategies for minimizing reactive patterns in our relationships, and promoting healthier and more empowered connections.

Adele Spraggon is an award-winning author, thought leader, international trainer, and a fearless speaker. She has been awarded the 2020 Woman of Inspiration Award and in 2021 she was recognized as the Top Behavioural Expert of the Year.

Drawing on the most recent findings in brain research, along with inspiring stories of breakthroughs and triumphs from her coaching clients, Adele demonstrates that no matter how conflicted a relationship is there is a way to fall in love again by learning how to identify and upgrade your brain patterning.

In this episode

3:18 Introduction to Adele Spraggon's distinctive method for rewiring brain patterns.

15: 44 Addressing the root cause: From software patches to hardware rewiring.

19:55 Cultivating compassion and understanding through repatterning

24:34 The role of deconstruction in rewiring the brain.

27:47 Navigating the unknown: Overcoming fear and embracing vulnerability.

33:09 The four-week repatterning process: Building awareness and trust.

38:22 Creating a new pattern: The secret to conflict-free change.

44:48 Healing childhood wounds and transforming relationships.

49:09 Resources for personal growth.

Mentioned

SHIFT: 4 Steps to Personal Empowerment (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

Increase Relationship Skills (survey)

Connect with Adele Spraggon

Websites: adelespraggon.com

Facebook: facebook.com/adele.spraggon | facebook.com/AdeleSpraggonRepatternist

Twitter: twitter.com/AdeleSpraggon

YouTube: youtube.com/@AdeleSpraggon

Instagram: instagram.com/adelespraggon/?hl=en

LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/adelespraggon

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 391: Understanding Dominant & Submissive Roles In Relationship — An Interview With Chris M. Lyon Sep 26, 2023

Dominant and submissive roles within relationships have always carried an air of mystique and intrigue. Yet, more often than not, these roles are shrouded in misunderstanding, creating confusion and misconceptions that can leave couples navigating uncharted waters. In the intricate dance of intimacy, it's easy to fall prey to preconceived notions, equating dominance with control or submission with passivity.

In this episode, we delve into these intricate roles, unraveling the complexities and unveiling the truths that lie beneath the surface. By addressing common misconceptions and offering actionable insights, we hope to illuminate the path for couples seeking to understand and embrace these roles in their relationships. Through a deeper comprehension of the interplay between dominance and submission, couples can cultivate a more authentic, harmonious, and fulfilling connection with one another. Join us as we embark on a journey to demystify these roles and pave the way for healthier, more profound relationships.

Chris M. Lyon is a relationship expert and coach certified in applied neuroscience and brain health. She is the author of “Leading and Supportive Love: The Truth About Dominant and Submissive Relationships”. She developed L/s (Leading/supportive) Types that define common behavioral patterns exhibited by many couples. Lyon has coached thousands through crisis, trauma, and leadership for over two decades. She’s been featured in various media and teaches online courses at coachlyon.com.

In this episode

5:32 Exploring Chris Lyons motivation behind the interest in dominant and submissive relationship dynamics.

7:58 Misconceptions and stereotypes surrounding dominant and submissive relationships.

14:51 The consequences of mismatched roles in daily interactions within dominant and submissive relationships.

18:39 Understanding relationship orientation on a spectrum.

24:10 Exploring attraction and cultural messages in relationship roles.

30:32 Trust, leadership, and the role of vetting in dominant-submissive relationships.

36:48 Navigating dominance: From skill development to cultural influences.

42:03 The interplay between dominance and submission in kink and relationships.

44:34 Addressing the issue of mismatched relationships.

50:26 Embracing authenticity in dominant and submissive relationships.

Mentioned

Leading and Supportive Love: The Truth About Dominant and Submissive Relationships (*Amazon Affiliate link) (audiobook)

Leading and Supportive Love: The Truth About Dominant and Submissive Relationships (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

D/s Relationship Masterclass Collection

Increase Relationship Skills (survey)

Connect with Chris M. Lyon

Websites: coachlyon.com | linktr.ee/ChrisMLyon

Facebook: facebook.com/CoachLyon

YouTube: youtube.com/@TheChrisSea

Instagram: instagram.com/Chris_sea1

TikTok: tiktok.com/@chris.sea

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 390: How To Recognize Emotional Immaturity & Abuse In Relationship — An Interview With Dr. David Hawkins Sep 19, 2023

Emotional immaturity can be a subtle yet profoundly impactful issue within relationships, often remaining hidden beneath the surface until it begins to erode the connection between partners.

In this episode, we will delve into the nuanced aspects of emotional immaturity and abuse within relationships. Drawing from expert insights, we will explore the telltale signs and behavioral patterns that may indicate emotional immaturity, shedding light on the damage it can inflict on both individuals and partnerships.

By gaining a deeper understanding of these dynamics, we empower ourselves and others to navigate relationships with greater emotional intelligence, fostering environments of trust, respect, and genuine connection.

Join us as we embark on this journey to uncover the tools and knowledge necessary to recognize and address emotional immaturity and abuse in our relationships.

Dr. David Hawkins is a clinical psychologist, director of the Marriage Recovery Center, and a best-selling author of over thirty books. Dr. Hawkins has helped bring healing to thousands of marriages and individuals since he began his work in 1976. He is passionate about working with couples in crisis and helps them discover a new way of doing things to have a healthy and thriving relationship.

In this episode

9:36 Dr. David Hawkins: Pioneering the path to healing relationships.

19:16 The complex dynamics of emotional abuse in relationships.

29:06 Unpacking the lack of emotional connection: The role of avoidant tendencies.

36:03 Emotional abuse vs. Narcissism: Understanding the critical differences.

43:32 Dr. David Hawkins’ insights into the readiness for change among individuals in relationships with emotionally abusive partners.

45:32 Navigating the complexities of emotional abuse: Seeking help and resources.

Mentioned

When Loving Him Is Hurting You: Hope and Help for Women Dealing With Narcissism and Emotional Abuse (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

When Pleasing Others Is Hurting You: Finding God's Patterns for Healthy Relationships (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

Increase Relationship Skills (Google Form) (Survey)

Connect with Dr. David Hawkins

Website: marriagerecoverycenter.com

Facebook: facebook.com/marriagerecoverycenter

YouTube: youtube.com/channel/UCKrmBnvqdvugfYpLS6r1AzA

Instagram: instagram.com/marriagerecoverycenter

Podcast: podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/mad-in-love/id1618828831

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 389: Understanding Our Stress Language As Well As Our Partner’s Stress Language For Better Living & Loving — An Interview With Chantal Donnelly Sep 12, 2023

Have you ever found yourself in a heated argument with your partner, feeling like you're speaking entirely different languages, even though you're using the same words?

In our increasingly hectic lives, the demands of work, family, and everyday responsibilities make it difficult to manage our stress levels. High stress levels take a toll on our emotional well-being and make it difficult to effectively navigate stress within our relationships. This challenge isn't just about handling personal stress; it's also about understanding how our partners respond to stress and, crucially, how we can bridge the gap in those moments of tension. Stress can easily disrupt communication and create emotional distance, making it vital to decipher and address the language of stress within our relationships.

This episode delves into the fascinating world of stress languages and how they impact our connections with loved ones. By unraveling the mystery of these stress responses, you'll gain valuable insights into your own and your partner's behaviors, ultimately leading to more harmonious relationships and a deeper sense of calm. Let's embark on this journey to decode the intricate language of stress and find the path to greater understanding and connection.

Chantal Donnelly founded Body Insight Inc. in 2006, a private clinic in Pasadena, CA, where she provides physical therapy and stress management services. She holds a Master's Degree in Physical Therapy, a Pilates Certification from BASI, and is a certified Resilience Toolkit Facilitator. Chantal has released two video programs: Pain-Free At Work and Strong Knees. She recently published her new book, Settled: How to Find Calm in a Stress-Inducing World.

In this episode

6:00 The myth of self-care as a one-size-fits-all solution to stress.

10:37 Observing stress patterns for enhanced awareness.

15:47 The five stress languages for improved relationships and self-care.

21:09 Creating safety and support for relaxation.

32:44 Navigating stress responses in relationships.

40:43 Recognizing stress responses in everyday interactions.

46:23 Fostering connection through nervous system regulation.

Mentioned

Settled: How to Find Calm in a Stress-Inducing World (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

Anchored: How to Befriend Your Nervous System Using Polyvagal Theory (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

Befriending Your Nervous System: Looking Through the Lens of Polyvagal Theory (*Amazon link) (audiobook)

The Polyvagal Institute

Rhythm of Regulation

ERP 276: Understanding the Need for Both Self-Regulation and Co-regulation in Relationship – An Interview with Deb Dana

ERP 261: How to Strengthen Your Relationship from a Polyvagal Perspective – An Interview with Dr. Stephen Porges

Connect with Chantal Donnelly

Websites: bodyinsight.com

Facebook: facebook.com/BodyInsightInc

YouTube: youtube.com/user/BodyInsight

Instagram: instagram.com/bodyinsightinc

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 388: How to Clear Resentments To Avoid The Roommate Syndrome In Relationship — An Interview With Monica Tanner Sep 05, 2023

Are you feeling stuck in your relationship, grappling with resentment, or sensing that you and your partner have unwittingly transformed into mere roommates? If so, you're not alone.

Maintaining a fulfilling, long-lasting relationship can be challenging in a world where the dynamics of love and partnership are constantly evolving. Relationship advice often comes from all directions and it's easy to find ourselves lost in a sea of conflicting guidance.

In this insightful conversation, Monica Tanner and Dr. Jessica Higgins delve into practical strategies to address these challenges head-on. The conversation reveals that successful relationships require intentional effort, a commitment to understanding, and the courage to engage in constructive conflict. From cultivating curiosity and practicing vulnerability to navigating differences with grace, they offer actionable steps to reignite the spark in your relationship and avoid falling into the dreaded roommate syndrome.

Monica Tanner, Relationship Coach and host of the Secrets of Happily Ever After podcast, transforms marriages with simple communication, connection, conflict resolution, and commitment strategies. Her mission is to lower the divorce rate and improve marital satisfaction. Through her engaging podcast, vibrant social media community, and practical programs, Monica's expert guidance has impacted thousands of couples, by helping them ditch resentment and roommate syndrome and get back to living their happily-ever-after love story.

In this episode

5:46 Monica’s quest to understanding genuine relationships.

8:38 The challenges of maintaining passion and longevity in modern relationships.

17:18 Nurturing healthy relationship dynamics through boundary setting.

23:16 Navigating emotional withdrawal: The impact of negative interaction patterns.

28:11 Recognizing and addressing hidden resentment.

41:24 Cultivating respectful disagreements and nurturing healthy communication.

48:19 The role of curiosity, interest, and creative problem-solving in deepening intimacy and passion in relationships.

Mentioned

The Space Between: The Point of Connection (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

Free Intimacy Quiz

Connect with Monica Tanner

Websites: monicatanner.com

Facebook: facebook.com/monica.tanner2

Instagram: instagram.com/monitanner1

Podcast: podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/secrets-of-happily-ever-after/id1345544810

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 387: How To Prioritize Reconnecting & Regulation In Relationship — An Interview With Dr. Jody Carrington Aug 29, 2023

In a world where technology offers countless ways to be connected, why is it that so many of us still feel disconnected? Why is it becoming increasingly difficult to forge deep, meaningful connections with others?

In this episode, Dr. Jody Carrington and Dr. Jessica Higgins explore the intricacies of reconnecting and finding balance in relationships, along with the skill of nurturing genuine connections. Whether it's strengthening bonds with our children, partners, colleagues, or even within ourselves, they delve into the heart of building authentic relationships. From handling emotional challenges to embracing the significance of acknowledgment, they unravel the multifaceted nature of human interaction.

So, if you're ready to peel back the layers of disconnection and embark on a journey towards reconnection, join us on this episode.

Dr. Jody Carrington is a psychologist sought after for her expertise, energy, and approach to helping people solve their most complex human-centered challenges. Jody focuses much of her work around reconnection. Jody uses humor, and all she has learned in her twenty-year career as a psychologist to empower everyone she connects with. In her latest book, Feeling Seen, she dives into what it takes to reconnect a disconnected world.

In this episode

7:24 Dr. Jody Carrington’s professional evolution: From first responders to child psychiatry.

15:55 The challenge of repairing relationships.

19:14 Building emotional language and regulation.

24:52 Identifying core motivators of disconnection in relationships.

30:52 The importance of acknowledging the various contributors to disconnection.

38:01 Indigenous teachings on land acknowledgment as a lesson in genuine bearing witness.

42:10 Fostering resilience in professionals to address the increasing emotional dysregulation in society.

53:28 Accessing Dr. Carrington’s workshops and podcasts for accessible mental health conversations.

Mentioned

Teachers These Days: Stories and Strategies for Reconnection (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

Kids These Days: A Game Plan For (Re)Connecting With Those We Teach, Lead, & Love (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

Feeling Seen: Reconnecting in a Disconnected World (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

Connect with Dr. Jody Carrington

Websites: drjodycarrington.com

Facebook: facebook.com/drjodycarrington

Twitter: twitter.com/DrJCarrington?s=20&t=6-oqtPKGW3zZnKeT0eI6Hg

YouTube: youtube.com/c/drjodycarrington

Instagram: instagram.com/drjodycarrington/?hl=en

LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/dr-jody-carrington/?originalSubdomain=ca

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 386: How To Identify & Shift Unconscious Patterns In Relationship - An Interview With Johanna Lynn Aug 22, 2023

Do you find yourself reacting in certain ways that you can't quite explain as if you're following a script written by your ancestors? Have you ever wondered why certain patterns persist across generations in your family? The complex web of family history, with its unspoken stories and unresolved traumas, can leave an indelible mark on our lives.

In a world where we strive for personal growth and healthier relationships, it's crucial to delve into the depths of our family tree and uncover the hidden influences that shape our behaviors and emotions.

In this episode, we delve into the profound connections between our family trees and our personal growth. From understanding the "ancestral alarm clock" to recognizing patterns of codependency and rediscovering our authentic selves, this episode offers actionable steps and resources to navigate the intricate journey of healing and growth through ancestral awareness.

Whether you're seeking to break free from generational patterns or unlock a deeper understanding of yourself, this conversation provides a captivating exploration of how our past shapes our present and future.

In this episode

4:47 Introduction to Johanna Lynn’s journey: From personal curiosity to professional expertise.

9:06 Unmasking familiar patterns: The importance of fresh perspective in relationship dynamics.

14:12 The link between language and the body: Tracing patterns from thoughts to somatic sensations

19:50 Empathy and understanding in addressing subconscious influences.

30:48 Ancestral Alarm Clock: Life Stages as Opportunities for Healing and Growth.

37:52 Balancing autonomy and intimacy.

42:51 Sustaining connection through art and symbolism

47:47 Navigating complex family structures.

Mentioned

It Didn't Start with You: How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How to End the Cycle (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

About Banyan (*Wikipedia) (article)

Connect with Johanna Lynn

Websites: johannalynn.ca

Facebook: facebook.com/groups/1470185283292404 | facebook.com/johanna.lynn.54

YouTube: youtube.com/channel/UC98HkGzauNSSHYfmIA4fVuA

Instagram: instagram.com/thefamilyimprint_institute

Pinterest: pinterest.ca/family_imprint

LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/johannalynn

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 385: How To Uplevel Value In Relationship — An Interview With Glenn Sandifer Aug 15, 2023

In today's complex dating landscape, finding real connections and lasting partnerships has become a tough puzzle to crack. This challenge is particularly pronounced in the context of high-value individuals seeking meaningful relationships while managing their careers and personal growth.

In this episode, seasoned relationship experts Glenn Sandifer and Dr. Jessica Higgins delve into the complexities of this issue, shedding light on actionable strategies that individuals can implement to overcome hurdles and achieve their relationship goals. The conversation emphasizes the importance of self-awareness, the significance of aligning with like-minded individuals, and the value of having mentors and role models to guide one's journey.

By exploring the depths of these topics, this enlightening conversation offers a roadmap for those striving to create fulfilling relationships and unlock their full potential within the context of modern dating dynamics.

Glenn, a strategist and executive leader with over 20 years of experience, developed The Middle Ground to help professionals understand the roadblocks that often conflict with professional success. He believes that understanding the reasons behind relationship breakdowns is crucial for success in dating and overcoming restarts. Glenn is a Christian, husband, father, HBCU Alumnus, Omega Man, and Viking, residing in Nashville, Tennessee with his wife Takeena and two children.

In this episode

5:59 From personal experience to professional insight: The journey that inspired the book.

11:42 Categorizing and understanding six types of men and women

16:30 The middle ground paradigm: Departing from extremes for lasting and fulfilling relationships.

21:12 Transforming toxic mindsets: Embracing cooperation, service, and duty in relationships.

26:37 Three phases of development: Building discipline, skill, and leadership.

34:15 The importance of modern women choosing partners who align with their values and goals.

39:42 The dynamics of high-value relationships: Symbiotic connection between high-value men and women.

45:40 Cultivating a supportive network: Nurturing relationships with like-minded and mentors.

Mentioned

The Middle Ground: How To Get Great Dating Outcomes in a Modern World Part 1 (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

The Middle Ground: How To Get Great Dating Outcomes in a Modern World Part 2 (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

The Plumber Joke: paintsquare.com/humor/joke/?763

Connect with Glenn Sandifer

Websites: themiddlegroundbook.com

Facebook: facebook.com/themiddlegroundbook

TikTok: tiktok.com/@themiddlegroundbook

YouTube: youtube.com/@themiddlegroundbook

Instagram: instagram.com/middlegroundbook

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 384: How To Turn Repetitive Patterns In Relationship Into Deeper Understanding & Connection — An Interview With Christine Eartheart Aug 08, 2023

Many couples often find themselves stuck in repetitive cycles of miscommunication, defensiveness, emotional struggles, and unmet needs. It's a common challenge that can leave even the most committed partners feeling lost and uncertain about how to navigate these issues effectively.

We are here to help, in this eye-opening episode, we delve deep into the transformative power of secure attachment and intentional communication. Discover how curiosity, empathy, and a willingness to co-create can turn conflict into a connection and pave the way for a loving, compassionate partnership.

Whether you're just starting a new relationship or seeking to reignite the flame in your existing one, this conversation offers invaluable insights and practical tools to foster a lasting, fulfilling, and thriving bond with your significant other. So get ready to equip yourself with the knowledge and strategies to strengthen your relationship like never before!

Christine Eartheart, Co-Founder of the Center for Thriving Relationships, joins her wonderful husband to help couples create the kind of love they’ve always wanted. They offer retreats, online courses, and private sessions and train and certify others in their Thriving Relationship Coach Certification program. Christine is the host of the Thriving Relationships Show, a TEDx speaker, and has been featured in Psychology Today, Happify, Thrive Global, NBC, ABC, and CBS. Learn more at CenterThrive.com.

In this episode

6:41 From blissful love to challenging times: Christine’s journey in supporting couples.

12:15 The impact of repetitive patterns on relationships: The pursuer-withdrawer dynamic.

16:35 Embracing the two-sided coin: Appreciating the beautiful strengths and challenges in relationships.

27:21 How Christine and her husband cultivated a growth-oriented relationship.

32:37 Creating secure attachment leads to transformative healing in relationships.

39:01 A powerful tool for fostering connection and collaboration in relationships.

46:19 Shifting from defensiveness to collaboration.

49:02 The importance of making a commitment to work on the relationship and shift towards constructive communication.

55:17 Learn more about building thriving relationships.

Mentioned

Conscious Loving: The Journey to Co-Commitment (*Amazon) (book)

Resurrecting Sex: Solving Sexual Problems and Revolutionizing Your Relationship (*Amazon) (book)

Passionate Marriage: Keeping Love and Intimacy Alive in Committed Relationships (*Amazon) (book)

Connect with Christine Eartheart

Websites: centerforthrivingrelationships.com

Facebook: facebook.com/ThrivingRelationships

YouTube: youtube.com/@ThrivingRelationships

Instagram: instagram.com/centerforthrivingrelationships

Pinterest: pinterest.ph/thrivinglove

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 383: 4 Ways To Deepen Love & Intimacy In Your Relationship — An Interview With Eri Kardos Aug 01, 2023

As we navigate the highs and lows of being in a relationship, it's essential to cultivate and nurture the connection we share with our partner. Whether you're a newly formed couple or have been together for years, there's always room to deepen the love and intimacy you both experience.

In this episode, we'll explore four powerful and actionable steps to enhance your bond, foster open communication, and create a more fulfilling and loving partnership.

Let's embark on this journey together and discover the keys to a more profound and intimate relationship with your loved one.

Eri Kardos is the founder of Relearn Love, LLC. Her mission is to help people experience ease with love and relationships for more fun and fulfilling connections. She works with clients across six continents, ranging from top tech executives and Hollywood celebrities to ordinary people living extraordinary lives.

Eri is the author of the best-selling book, Relationship Agreements: A Simple and Effective Guide for Strengthening Communication, Reducing Conflict, and Increasing Intimacy to Design Your Ideal Relationship.

In this episode

5:45 Erin Cardoso’s mission to enhance fulfilling connections.

10:41 Balancing masculine and feminine energies in relationships.

16:33 Embracing conflict with respect and love: A transformational journey.

21:11 Exploring the relearn love model: From curiosity to celebration.

25:53 Cultivating knowledge and learning tools.

33:43 Making sustainable and joyful changes in your relationship.

39:08 The power of acknowledging and celebrating progress in relationships.

45:29 The importance of being present and focused on the now.

Mentioned

Teammates (*free masterclass)

Relationship Agreements: A Simple and Effective Guide for Strengthening Communication, Reducing Conflict, and Increasing Intimacy to Design Your Ideal Relationship (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

Imago Relationship Therapy

ERP 303: How to Create Safe Conversations — An Interview with Drs. Harville Hendrix & Helen Lakelly Hunt

Connect with Eri Kardos

Websites: relearnlove.com

Instagram: instagram.com/coacherikardos

LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/erikardos

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

382: What the Newer Generational Men Need & How to Help — An Interview with Sulonda Smith Jul 25, 2023

Understanding and connecting with the evolving needs of newer generational men has become a crucial aspect of modern relationships.

In this enlightening episode, we shed light on relationship dynamics and the shifting nature of modern masculinity, providing valuable insights and guidance for fostering meaningful connections.

The discussion delves deep into the complexities of relating to younger generational men, emphasizing the significance of vulnerability and open communication. Amidst the impact of technology and social media on relationships, striking a balance between tradition and progress emerges as a key theme, unveiling powerful tools and strategies to strengthen bonds.

Join this transformative journey into the heart of modern masculinity and discover how to enrich your relationships with the younger generation of men by embracing their unique perspectives and desires. Gain a deeper understanding of their needs and experiences, and pave the way for more fulfilling connections in your relationships.

Sulonda has been a licensed psychotherapist for 27 years who also focuses on helping people in long-term committed relationships and married couples. She helps couples improve their communication skills and specifically helps men to communicate in a way their significant other understands.

In this episode

6:51 Generational differences in men’s experiences.

12:42 The damaging effects of confining oneself to a narrow window of acceptable gender expressions and the need for a more inclusive approach to emotions and experiences.

17:46 Finding your tribe and embracing authenticity.

21:37 The fear of experimenting and self-doubt.

26:42 Breaking free from societal expectations.

31:48 Changing trends in partnerships.

37:15 Seeking happiness and being in flow of everything.

42:01 The importance of healthy parent-child relationships and supporting younger generations, particularly young men.

48:35 How to ask instead of assuming.

55:00 The power of a hybrid course.

Mentioned

Today’s man is different from Yesterday’s man | Sulonda Smith | TEDxLSSC (*Youtube video)

Connect with Sulonda Smith

Websites: thecommunicationsninja.com | sulondasmith.com

Facebook: facebook.com/ShesaidHeheardThis

YouTube: youtube.com/user/sulondas

Instagram: instagram.com/sulondasmith

LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/sulondasmith

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 381: When Your Person Is Leaning Out & What You Can Do About It — Dr. Jessica Higgins Answers A Listener’s Questions Jul 18, 2023

In this special episode, the Empowered Relationship Podcast deviates from its usual format of interviewing experts to provide dedicated attention to addressing a listener's thought-provoking questions.

The question centers around a familiar dynamic often observed in relationships, where one partner finds themselves leaning away from the relationship while the other remains invested and leaning in.

Listener’s Questions

“How do you come to terms in a marriage of holding true to your commitment of loyalty for life, sticking through the "for worse", and being able to trust your judgment at the time you chose your spouse? Specifically the self-blame of trusting yourself on the decision of who to marry, and/or breaking your own promise of being true to your word at the time.”
“Understanding wife say I just want to be roommates, we work great as a team co-parenting kids and taking care of the house, and what this means coming on the heels of an affair?”

Quick Story

“In the initial wake of the revelation, I thought wow I was an awful person as she brought up things I didn't do or when she felt hurt, but through a year of discussions with a psychologist and an independent therapist I realized a lot of these are coming from her insecurities and anxiety and attempts at justifying her affair. I'm not without fault - I was not emotionally available as much as I needed to be for her and during our marriage she felt like I did things that made her feel like she needed to change things about herself in order to be someone who she thought I wanted her to be. (If that makes sense?). I've learned a lot of tools I can use, but a lot of them seem to work within the confines of making the marriage better, but right now she's not there yet. My wife came clean about an emotional affair she had and exhibited all the traits of limerence by blaming me for it, rewriting our history into a negative sentiment override, "I care for you but not in love with you", and now maintains the position that she felt like we were roommates before the affair, so she wants to keep living like that now while she works on herself. She's been clear that she doesn't want any deeper emotional discussions (unless it's about the past), zero physical affection in any way, no "I love you's" or pet names, etc. We did 5 sessions of MC and got to the point where the counselor said we have a lot of great things between us but if she's not committed to the marriage, then it'll be hard to do the work. The most striking line he said to my wife was "The problem isn't with your husband, the problem would be with whoever happened to be sitting in this chair. " She acknowledges she's broken, gave too much of herself, and lost who she was as a person, but she's in a highly stressful job and doesn't want to seek a therapist or help on her own, she has said she just needs the space to figure out who she is and what she wants. She seems to want/expect feelings to come back naturally if it's meant to be while we remain in this "friend" state and doesn't want to force things between us. I appreciate the work you do in helping couples and look forward to your podcasts each week.”

In this episode

7:40 Listeners’s questions on how to come to terms with unrequited love.

13:57 Coping with the pain and uncertainty of a partner pulling away.

17:00 Identifying the relational cycle and understanding the underlying dynamics in your relationship.

22:47 Embracing ambivalence: Discovering new paths through discernment counseling.

32:34 Rediscovering commitments and finding meaning in marriage.

43:18 The importance of developing fresh approaches to relating with your partner.

Dr. Jessica Higgins's Recommendations

Disclaimer: Please note that the insights and feedback provided by Dr. Jessica Higgins are based solely on the information provided by the listener. Assumptions have been made regarding the listener's willingness to work on the relationship, the duration of their partnership, and the absence of specific clinical diagnoses. As each individual's circumstances are unique, the guidance offered should be considered general and not personalized advice. Dr. Jessica Higgins will do her best to address the listener's question given the available information.

Acknowledge the Pain

Discovering that your partner has been unfaithful and witnessing their emotional detachment from the relationship can be an incredibly painful and disorienting experience. It's natural to feel a wide range of emotions, including shock, anger, desperation, and sadness. During this time, seeking support from a therapist or counselor can be immensely helpful in processing these emotions and providing stability for both you and your children.

Identify the Cycle Together

Understanding the dynamics of your relationship is crucial to finding a way forward. In the aftermath of an affair, it's essential to recognize that there may have been underlying issues and unmet needs that contributed to the breakdown of trust. This might include the experience of limerence, a state of infatuation or fantasy that can cloud judgment and lead to emotional affairs. By exploring these dynamics together, through exercises such as those found in the book "Hold Me Tight," you can gain insight into each other's perspectives and work towards rebuilding trust.

Make Room for Ambivalence

In situations where one partner expresses a desire to be roommates and wants to focus on personal growth, it's crucial to create space for ambivalence. Discernment counseling, a specialized form of therapy, can be beneficial in helping couples gain clarity and confidence in determining the future of their relationship. This process allows both partners to explore their true desires and intentions while relieving the pressure to make immediate decisions. It also presents an opportunity for individual self-reflection and personal growth.

Do Your Work

Throughout this journey, it is vital for both partners to engage in self-reflection and personal growth. This involves examining your own contributions to the relationship dynamics and acknowledging areas where improvement is needed. While it may be tempting to place blame solely on the partner who had the affair, it's important to take responsibility for your own emotional availability and commitment to the relationship. This introspective work can pave the way for creating a healthier and more fulfilling partnership moving forward.

Mentioned

Hold Me Tight by Dr. Susan Johnson (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

*EFT Therapist Finder

ERP 015: Do You Have a “Unity” or “Journey” Mindset in Relationship?

ERP 058: Beyond the Wedding. What Is Marriage Really Like?

ERP 372: How to Work Together in Relationship for a Strong, Secure Connection — An Interview with Dr. Stan Tatkin

ERP 373: How to Embrace Ambivalence When Making Big Relationship Decisions — An Interview with Rachel Zamore

Discernment Counseling

Identify The Cycle

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 380: How To Deepen Contact With Self To Improve All Aspects Of One’s Life… Including Relationship — An Interview With Madhur-Nain Webster Jul 11, 2023

Do you often find yourself struggling to navigate the complexities of life and relationships? Perhaps you feel disconnected from your own thoughts, emotions, and desires, and it's affecting your overall well-being.

In a world filled with stress, anxiety, and constant distractions, it's easy to lose touch with our true selves. But what if there was a way to deepen your contact with yourself and transform every aspect of your life, including your relationships?

In this episode, we delved into the powerful practice of meditation and mindfulness, exploring how they can help you develop self-awareness, regulate emotions, and build healthier connections.

Join us as we uncover practical steps, insights, and valuable resources to guide you on this transformative journey of self-discovery and personal growth. Get ready to unlock the potential within you and experience profound positive changes in your life and relationships.

Madhur-Nain Webster is a licensed marriage and family therapist, specializing in the integration of eastern and western philosophies for mental health for individuals and couples. Her first book, The Stressless Brain (2018), makes a scientific argument for the positive influence meditation has on the psyche; she is currently working on her second book. In addition to releasing over 60 meditation singles, Madhur-Nain maintains international outreach by appearing on podcasts and holding meditation workshops.

In this episode

5:57 Madhur-Nain Webster and her work in integrating Eastern and Western philosophies.

15:25 Finding what works: Exploring different forms of meditation.

20:39 Changing relationship dynamics and prioritizing needs.

26:25 The importance of practicing meditation even when it feels challenging or uncomfortable.

31:53 The influence of early upbringing and trauma on meditation practice.

36:16 The influence of meditation on the endocrine system and well-being.

39:54 Amplifying the benefits: Togetherness and community in meditation.

43:11 Couples meditation: Connecting through synchronized breath.

48:28 Self-reflection and emotional recognition: Navigating feedback and challenging toxic shame

52:03 Understanding the difference between anxiety and stress.

Mentioned

The Stressless Brain: Reducing Stress and Anxiety through the Power of Meditation and Psychology (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

The Feeling Good Handbook (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

Type Of Relationship Support (survey)

Connect with Madhur-Nain Webste

Websites: madhurnain.com

Facebook: facebook.com/madhurnainwebster

YouTube: youtube.com/channel/UCOof1-ACJXP9SufPBHbQeQw

Instagram: instagram.com/madhurnain

Spotify: spotify.com/artist/5wvZFb0E0Ybc4oSdlDSn0h

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 379: How To Increase Honesty In Sexual Intimacy For More Passion In Relationship — An Interview with Shana James Jul 04, 2023

Are you yearning for a relationship that brims with passion, connection, and a profound level of intimacy that goes beyond the physical?

Many individuals find themselves longing for a deeper bond with their partners, seeking to break free from the stagnation of routine and reignite the spark that once ignited their love.

In this insightful episode, we delve into the transformative power of embracing honesty in sexual intimacy as a means to cultivate a stronger connection, unlock hidden depths of intimacy, and rekindle the flames of passion within your relationship. Discover how this pathway of honest expression can pave the way for a more fulfilling and passionate love life, where pleasure, trust, and genuine connection thrive.

As a relationship coach for 20 years, Shana James has humbly discovered the causes of disconnection in relationships and how to keep the passion alive. Shana has a Master’s in psychology, DISC, and Positive Intelligence certifications, and has facilitated decades of Authentic Relating workshops. Shana specializes in helping people after divorce and hosts the Man Alive podcast. She is the author of Honest Sex: A Passionate Path to Deepen Connection and Keep Relationships Alive and her TEDx Talk is "What 1000 Men's Tears Reveal About the Crisis Between Men and Women.”

In this episode

5:41 Shana James’ impactful journey of empowering men in love, sex, intimacy, and connections.

10:57 Expanding the understanding of sex: From fast food to four-dimensional experience.

16:57 Moving from reaction to response: Effective communication about sex for deeper intimacy.

22:23 Building agreements and teamwork for open communication.

26:00 The power of affirmation: Guiding conversations with virtues and requests.

31:40 Shifting from criticism to gratitude.

36:48 Overcoming exhaustion and rebuilding intimacy.

41:20 Embracing non-sexual forms of intimacy.

52:38 Free resources and ways to connect with Shana.

Mentioned

Honest Sex: A Passionate Path to Deepen Connection and Keep Relationships Alive (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

What 1000 Men’s Tears Reveal by Shana James (*TEDx on Youtube)

Connect with Shana James

Websites: shanajamescoaching.com

Facebook: facebook.com/truesuccessformen

LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/shana-james-3004065

Podcast: shanajamescoaching.com/man-alive-podcast

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 378: How To Cultivate Personal & Relational Well-Being — An Interview With Dr. Kalen Hammann Jun 27, 2023

Cultivating personal and relational well-being can be a challenging task, especially when faced with negative communication patterns and misunderstandings. However, it is essential for individuals to prioritize their innate mental health and create a bond of love and connection with their partners.

In this episode, Dr. Kalen Hammann and Dr. Jessica Higgins delve into the intricate challenges that couples face while building and sustaining lasting intimacy. They provide valuable insights into transforming negative communication patterns into connected communication. They also shed light on the different phases of therapy, the significance of building positive energy, and the importance of recognizing fear and learning to calm down through relaxation techniques.

After getting a Ph.D. in Social Psychology, working as a psychotherapist, and teaching business executives in over 50 Fortune 500 companies on five continents how to get along better, Dr. Kalen Hammann discovered that NONE of that helped him save his own marriage! He's here to tell us what HAS helped him and his wife and now is helping other couples get off the Road to Divorce and find their way to "Happily Ever After.”

In this episode

05:43 From corporate America to intimate relationships: Journey of personal and professional growth.

09:09 Finding hope in the Modello approach: A story of overcoming marriage problems.

12:58 Roger Mills’ success story in improving Florida’s housing project.

19:02 Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde: Our positive qualities obscured by negative emotions.

24:26 A guide to cultivating personal and relational well-being.

26:01 Settling the conflict and finding insights: A mindful approach to disagreements.

33:26 The power of Long exhales: Calming the nervous system and cultivating inner peace.

35:59 Building positive energy: Turning towards bids and small actions in relationships.

39:55 Recognizing our fear: Understanding the root cause of negative emotions.

46:41 Rediscovering love: Finding your way back to love and happily ever after.

Mentioned

Date Your Mate: How to Save Your Marriage from "The Blahs” and Live Happily Ever After (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

Modello: A Story of Hope for the Inner City and Beyond: An Inside-Out Model of Prevention and Resiliency in Action (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

Connect with Dr. Kalen Hammann

Websites: lessfightingmoreloving.com

Calendly: TalkWithKalen.com

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 377: How Gender Differences Complicate Relationships & What You Need To Know — Interview With Dr. Ricky Arenson Jun 20, 2023

Relationships are beautiful, intricate webs of connection and understanding, but they can also be challenging to navigate, especially when gender differences come into play.

In this episode, we delved into the complexities of how gender dynamics can impact our interactions with our partners. From the importance of attunement and nurturing attitudes to recognizing and addressing each other's needs, we explored valuable insights that can help foster healthier and more fulfilling relationships.

One of the key takeaways from this discussion was the significance of being in service of the greater good within a relationship. Rather than getting caught up in defending opposing views or trying to win arguments, it's essential to shift our focus towards understanding and supporting each other's deeper needs and desires.

By harnessing this nurturing attitude and seeking to understand our partners on a deeper level, we can build stronger foundations of support and care.

Dr. Ricky Arenson is a highly regarded Endocrinologist specializing in hormones and Geriatrician. He has been happily married to Katherine, an ER specialist and medical inventor, for two decades. Together with their four children, they live in Perth, Western Australia.

Dr. Arenson is a multi-award-winning medical leader, holding the esteemed position of Head of the Department of Geriatric Medicine at Royal Perth Hospital, where he also serves as a Hospital Director. Additionally, he has authored the thought-provoking book, "Women are Superior to Men," and showcases his comedic talents as a freelance comedian.

In this episode

6:39 Hormone-related issues can cause relationship problems.

11:38 From teaching doctors to writing a book: The journey of Dr. Ricky Arenson

15:27 Common gender differences that affect relationships and strategies for negotiating conflicts.

22:19 Challenging stereotypes: Embracing individuality within gender differences.

25:57 Fluidity and diverse aspects of gender: Recognizing the masculine and feminine within.

29:58 Evolutionary perspectives and gender roles: Exploring differences and complementary attributes.

35:34 The importance of taking care of each other.

41:40 The importance of timing and understanding what you want.

45:18 Bringing humor and enjoyment into the relationship space.

Mentioned

Women Are Superior to Men: The Real Secret to a Fantastic Marriage, Joyful Parenting & Better Sex! (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

Connect with Dr. Ricky Arenson

Websites: drrickyarenson.com

Facebook: facebook.com/drrickyarenson

Podcast: open.spotify.com/show/1IYdw1kwt8l7CKUaERFiC0

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 376: How To Process Your Emotions For Greater Clarity & Connection — An Interview with Dr. Glenn & Phyllis Hill Jun 13, 2023

In today's fast-paced and overwhelming world, it's no surprise that emotions often become a tangled web, hindering our ability to authentically connect with ourselves and others. With a staggering 90% of people never receiving regular counseling or therapy, the need for accessible tools that can reach a wider audience becomes paramount.

Join us in this thought-provoking episode as we delve into the vital topic of processing emotions for greater clarity and connection. This conversation uncovers the common obstacles individuals face when attempting to navigate their emotions effectively. More importantly, we explore an innovative approach to emotional processing that aims to bridge this gap, allowing individuals to tap into their innate capacity for connection.

Don't miss out—tune in and unlock the keys to processing emotions for a more fulfilling and connected existence.

Drs. Glenn and Phyllis Hill spent the first 30 years of marriage living disconnected. Dr. Glenn was so determined to find out what went wrong that he went back to school and became a Marriage and Family Therapist and a Clinical Sexologist. It wasn't until he dug deep into emotional regulation that he discovered the source of their disconnect. From there, Dr. Glenn & Phyllis created The Connection Codes which is a framework to help couples connect emotionally and physically using their 4-minute tool.

In this episode

5:10 The journey to unveiling The Connection Codes Framework.

12:07 The power of vulnerability: Unveiling deeper layers of understanding.

17:22 Glenn and Phyllis’ individual journeys within their relationship.

22:06 The importance of emotional breakthroughs.

26:40 The birth of the Core Motion Wheel and its transformative impact.

34:48 The breakthrough: Reversing disconnection to foster connection.

37:53 Real-life application and global impact of emotional tools.

44:37 The importance of processing emotions for regulation and well-being.

Mentioned

Connection Codes (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

Connect with Dr. Glenn & Phyllis Hill

Websites: https://www.connectioncodes.co/

Podcast: podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/connection-codes/id1613594520 (*Apple podcast)

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 375: How To Maintain A Sense Of Self Within An Intimate Relationship — An Interview With Amber Price Jun 06, 2023

Intimacy in a relationship is a beautiful and fulfilling experience, but finding harmony between a deep connection and maintaining a sense of self is a delicate dance that many couples strive to master. It's a journey of self-discovery and growth that requires navigating the fine line between connection and autonomy.

In this thought-provoking conversation, relationship experts Amber Price and Dr. Jessica Higgins, unravel the complexities of this subject, offering valuable insights and practical advice for individuals seeking to preserve their individuality while fostering a deep bond with their partner.

The discussion delved into the concept of emotional fusion, sharing personal stories and exploring strategies to break free from its grip. With a focus on open communication, self-awareness, and conscious decision-making, this conversation provides a roadmap for cultivating a strong sense of self within the context of a loving and intimate relationship.

Amber Price is a relationship expert, educator, and researcher who teaches people to build better relationships without losing who they are. She is currently finishing a PhD in Marriage, Family, and Human Development, and she’s also a mom to four boys and wife to a chemistry professor who loves baking and eating cookies and drinking hot chocolate.

In this episode

6:32 Amber’s journey of self-discovery and personal growth.

9:07 Unpacking grumpiness: Overwhelm, exhaustion, and the need for self-care.

10:51 Balancing relatedness and autonomy.

14:23 The role of relationship security in developing autonomy.

17:07 Challenging cultural expectations particularly among women or individuals who identify as women.

19:34 The fine line between conscious choice and unhealthy pressure in caregiving.

23:32 Accessing conscious choice: Stepping back and examining priorities.

25:26 Recognizing and challenging unconscious patterns for personal growth.

30:40 Rediscovering authenticity: Exploring personal values and joy.

37:21 Connecting through shared experiences: The power of authenticity.

41:14 Finding balance and cultivating emotional autonomy.

Mentioned

Reclaiming ME (mini-course)

Authentically YOU (course)

Connect with Amber Price

Websites: amberaprice.com

Facebook: facebook.com/amber.a.price.authenticallyyou

Instagram: instagram.com/amber.a.price

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 374: Maintaining A Healthy Relationship When The Demands & Stress Levels Are High… Like For Military Couples - An Interview With Bree Carroll May 30, 2023

Military couples face a unique set of challenges that can put their relationships to the test. From long deployments and frequent relocations to the emotional toll of separation and the weight of responsibility, they often find themselves in situations where maintaining connection and emotional well-being become paramount. But despite the extraordinary circumstances they face, military couples exemplify unwavering strength, commitment, and love.

In this episode, Bree Carroll and Dr. Jessica Higgins explored how to maintain a healthy relationship amidst the demands and stress levels experienced by these couples, highlighting the remarkable resilience, intentional efforts, and unwavering commitment demonstrated in their quest to nurture love and sustain a thriving partnership.

Bree Carroll, military spouse, event strategist, and speaker, transforms spaces and hearts through experience design and purposeful planning. As a voice in the military community, she holds the title as 2020-2021 AFI Air Force Spouse of the Year and advocates to strengthen military marriages. Bree is the founder of Military Marriage Day, a national holiday celebrated annually on August 14th. More than a holiday, this movement supports military families with resources through its app, insight with the Hearts & Stripes Podcast, and connection through its annual events and virtual programming. Bree’s mission is to encourage and equip couples, especially our service couples, so that they may intentionally thrive in their marriage relationship.

In this episode

8:31 Understanding the unique challenges of military couples.

16:47 The importance of strengthening military marriages and supporting service families.

25:07 Proactive approach to strengthening military marriages and providing resources.

30:11 The power of storytelling and proactive support in military marriages.

35:59 Insights from a military marriage study: Challenges and hope.

42:35 The power of celebration: Elevating Military Marriage Day.

49:52 Taking action and spreading hope.

Mentioned

Military Marriage Day (*Apple Appstore) (app)

Connect with Bree Carroll

Websites: militarymarriageday.com

Facebook: facebook.com/militarymarriageday

YouTube: youtube.com/@militarymarriageday

Instagram: instagram.com/militarymarriageday

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 373: How To Embrace Ambivalence When Making Big Relationship Decisions — An Interview With Rachel Zamore May 23, 2023

Relationships often confront us with moments of uncertainty, where conflicting emotions and wavering decisions leave us feeling overwhelmed. But, what if we could view ambivalence as an opportunity for personal growth, self-discovery, and empowered decision-making?

In this enlightening discussion with relationship expert Rachel Zamore and Dr. Jessica Higgins, we explored profound insights into navigating the intricate landscape of ambivalence in relationships. From recognizing the significance of self-care to cultivating compassion, this episode provides a roadmap for embracing ambivalence and making impactful relationship choices with clarity and confidence.

If you currently stand at the crossroads of a significant relationship decision, unsure of which path to choose, join us on this transformative journey. Together, we will uncover empowering principles that guide you towards embracing ambivalence and making choices that honor your personal growth, authenticity, and overall well-being.

Rachel Zamore is a leading practitioner in discernment counseling, a process that helps couples on the brink gain confidence and clarity about the next best steps for their marriage. Rachel’s compassionate, nonjudgmental approach empowers honest self-reflection and welcomes each person right where they are. Drawing from 15 years as an integrative psychotherapist, relationship guide (Certified in Emotionally Focused Therapy & Discernment Counseling) and trainer, Rachel coaches individuals and couples online and at private retreats worldwide.

In this episode

5:55 Igniting a passion: Rachel Zamore’s journey to empower couples in ambiguous relationships

10:19 Rachel’s revolutionary approach to couples in crisis.

12:31 Common mistakes in couples therapy unveiled.

16:51 Appreciating ambivalence and embracing complexity in relationship dynamics.

20:39 The transformative power of providing a supportive container for couples grappling with difficult and anxiety-provoking issues.

25:05 Unpacking the cumulative effect of ambivalence in relationships.

30:26 Discernment counseling: Differentiating hard and soft reasons, and individual growth.

35:59 About Rachel’s intensive sessions and retreats, individual and relational growth.

39:49 Outcomes and statistics of discernment counseling.

45:11 Encouragement and advice for finding clarity and well-being.

Mentioned

Connect with Rachel Zamore

Websites: relationshipcrossroads.com | innerwell.org

LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/rachelzamore

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 372: How To Work Together In Relationship For A Strong, Secure Connection — An Interview With Dr. Stan Tatkin May 16, 2023

Building a strong and secure connection within a romantic relationship is a goal shared by many. We strive for harmony, understanding, and a deep bond that withstands the test of time. But with human nature being what it is - aggressive, warlike, moody, and easily influenced - it can be a challenging task.

So, how do we achieve this level of connection? Is it about finding the perfect partner or following a set of rules?

In this episode, Dr. Stan Tatkin and Dr. Jessica Higgins embark on an enlightening exploration of human behavior within relationships shedding light on key elements that foster a strong and secure connection. Join us as we delve into the strategies and insights that can help you and your partner work together to create a solid foundation of love, trust, and mutual support.

Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT Clinician, author, researcher, PACT developer, and co-founder of the PACT Institute. Dr. Tatkin is an assistant clinical professor at UCLA, David Geffen School of Medicine. He maintains a private practice in Southern California and leads PACT programs in the US and internationally. He is the author of We Do, Wired for Love, Your Brain on Love, Relationship Rx, Wired for Dating, What Every Therapist Ought to Know, and co-author of Love and War in Intimate Relationships, and the upcoming, In Each Other’s Care.

In this episode

6:01 In Each Other’s Care: Practical Guidance on Applying the Principles of Secure Functioning

10:56 Normalizing stressful situations and creating purpose-centered relationships.

15:36 Preserving relationships through proactive engagement.

26:05 Creating purposeful relationships: moving beyond psycho-biology to action.

30:37 Embracing a collaborative stance: Exploring partner’s needs and approaching conversations with mutual interest.

Mentioned

ERP 291: How “Love Is Not Enough” – An Interview with Dr. Stan Tatkin

In Each Other's Care: A Guide to the Most Common Relationship Conflicts and How to Work Through Them (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

Learn How to Interact When Conflicts Arise (excerpt)

We Do: Saying Yes to a Relationship of Depth, True Connection, and Enduring Love (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

Wired for Love: How Understanding Your Partner’s Brain and Attachment Style Can Help You Defuse Conflict and Build a Secure Relationship (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

Your Brain on Love: The Neurobiology of Healthy Relationships (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

Relationship Rx (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

Wired for Dating: How Understanding Neurobiology and Attachment Style Can Help You Find Your Ideal Mate (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

Love and War in Intimate Relationships: Connection, Disconnection, and Mutual Regulation in Couple Therapy (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

Connect with Dr. Stan Tatkin

Websites: thepactinstitute.com

Facebook: facebook.com/drstantatkin

Twitter: twitter.com/DrStanTatkin

LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/stan-tatkin

Instagram: instagram.com/drstantatkin

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 371: Why “Learn To Compromise” Is Often The Worst Relationship Advice — An Interview With Dr. Alexandra Stockwell May 09, 2023

You’ve probably heard the well-meaning relationship advice to “learn to compromise.” It seems like a reasonable solution to navigate differences and find middle ground. But what if I told you that this popular advice might be doing more harm than good?

In this thought-provoking discussion with Dr. Jessica Higgins and Dr. Alexandra Stockwell, we explore why the conventional wisdom of compromise may not be the ultimate solution for relationship harmony.

If you're tired of settling for less and yearn for a relationship that thrives on passion, understanding, and unwavering closeness, then this episode is an absolute must-listen. Prepare to embark on a journey towards uncompromising intimacy, where compromise takes a backseat, and authentic connection takes center stage.

Known as “The Intimacy Doctor,” Alexandra Stockwell, MD, is an Intimate Marriage Expert who specializes in coaching ambitious, successful couples to build beautiful, long-lasting, passionate relationships. She is the bestselling author of “Uncompromising Intimacy,” host of The Intimate Marriage Podcast, and creator of the Aligned & Hot Marriage program.

Dr. Alexandra has been featured in the Huffington Post, Rolling Stone, USAToday, Cosmopolitan, Business Insider, Thriveglobal, Mindbodygreen, FOX NEWS, and many more.

In this episode

5:17 Dr. Stockwell’s personal journey that led her to focus on relationships and intimacy.

12:46 The significance of personal transformation and setting positive examples for others in fostering healthy relationships and self-discovery.

17:21 Challenging the notion of compromise in marriage: Discovering a vibrant and satisfying intimacy.

27:41 Uncompromising intimacy: The Key to vibrant and fulfilling relationships.

32:53 The impact of unspoken compromises: Nurturing vulnerable honesty for deeper connection.

38:40 Embracing authenticity and empowering relationships through uncompromising intimacy.

51:11 Cultivating sensory awareness and unleashing the power of pleasure in intimacy.

56:07 Connect with Dr. Stockwell and learn more about the tools and principles for a committed partnership and creating lasting and fulfilling connections.

Mentioned

Uncompromising Intimacy: Turn Your Unfulfilling Marriage into a Deeply Satisfying, Passionate Partnership (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

The Intimate Marriage Podcast (*Spotify link) (podcast)

Aligned and Hot Marriage (program)

Connect with Dr. Alexandra Stockwell

Websites: alexandrastockwell.com

TikTok: tiktok.com/@intimacydoctor

YouTube: youtube.com/channel/UC_NFfwXTz2n6C_2QdmrfEVg

Instagram: instagram.com/intimacydoctor

LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/alexandrastockwell

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 370: Steps To Reduce Stagnation In Relationship — An Interview With Abi Singh May 02, 2023

Are you feeling like your relationship has hit a plateau? Perhaps you and your partner have been together for a while and things just don't seem to be moving forward. Don't worry, you're not alone.

Maintaining a healthy and happy relationship can be a challenging task, even for the most committed couples. Over time, relationships can hit a stagnant point where both partners feel disconnected, bored, or unfulfilled. Fortunately, there are steps that can be taken to avoid that.

In this episode, Abi Singh and Dr. Jessica Higgins shares valuable insights and tips on how to reignite the spark in a relationship and prevent it from fading away. From effective communication to prioritizing self-care, these tips can help bring your relationship back to life.

So if you're ready to take action and bring some excitement back into your love life, listen to the full episode.

Abi Singh is a life coach and relationship expert. Abi helps couples find balance and prioritize intimacy so that they can effectively make key decisions that will positively impact their relationships. Abi and her husband live on the beautiful island of Grenada and run their restaurant business, which they co-founded in 2017.

In this episode

6:52 Abby’s personal experience in an intercultural marriage.

8:58 How to overcome stagnation in relationships after the honeymoon phase.

12:12 The importance of communication and intentionality in relationships: Avoiding the faux pas of relationship.

16:23 Overcoming misunderstandings and building a stronger connection.

21:53 The importance of communication and comprehension in relationships.

25:21 Creating happy habits to strengthen relationships.

30:13 Strategies for having difficult conversations in relationships.

36:34 Nurturing lasting love: Building strong relationships through relational skills and practices.

41:29 Upcoming workshop for couples to rebuild their connection.

Mentioned

Connect with Abi Singh

LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/abi-singh-73572a41

Instagram: instagram.com/coachabisingh

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 369: Develop The Skills For Secure Attachment In Relationship — An Interview With EJ & Tarah Kerwin Apr 25, 2023

Developing secure attachment skills in a relationship is crucial for creating a strong and lasting bond with your partner. In this fast-paced world, it can be easy to neglect your relationship and fail to prioritize the emotional safety that comes with a secure attachment. However, neglecting your relationship can have long-term consequences and negatively impact both you and your partner.

In this episode, Dr. Jessica Higgins, EJ, and Tarah Kerwin discuss the skills needed to develop secure attachments in relationships. They provide actionable steps to help you strengthen your attachment style and create a more loving and fulfilling partnership.

Whether you're single, dating, or in a long-term relationship, listen to this episode to discover how you can develop secure attachment skills in your relationships.

EJ and Tarah Kerwin are the hosts of The Relationship Renovation Podcast. They are two licensed therapists, a married couple raising a blended family with four children, and owners of a couples counseling center in Tucson, AZ. They have created a couples counseling program that has supported thousands of couples in creating more secure, loving, and intimate relationships.

In this episode

6:31 The birth of the couples counseling center.

11:43 Creating emotional safety and support: Understanding secure attachment in couples therapy.

17:07 Recognizing negative core beliefs and learning from conflict.

23:33 Creating emotional safety in heterosexual relationships: Understanding triggers, developing compassion, and managing conflict.

27:56 Improving relationships through self-reflection and shared responsibility.

34:30 The importance of holding hope and creating a secure, loving, and more deeply intimate connection with one's partner.

39:15 Building safe and strong relationships through somatic work.

Mentioned

Relationship Renovation Counselling Centre

Relationship Renovation at Home Pro gram

Wired for Dating: How Understanding Neurobiology and Attachment Style Can Help You Find Your Ideal Mate (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

ERP 291: How “Love Is Not Enough” – An Interview with Dr. Stan Tatkin

Connect with EJ & Tarah Kerwin

Websites: relationshiprenovation.com

Facebook: relationshiprenovationcounseling

TikTok: tiktok.com/@relationshiprenovation

YouTube: youtube.com/channel/UCfb8I3evBi7aZcVnmvN_yPw

Instagram: instagram.com/relationship_renovation

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 368: How To Express Yourself In Ways That Inspire Love & Connection — An Interview Laura Doyle Apr 18, 2023

Communication is the foundation of any healthy and fulfilling relationship, but expressing yourself in a way that fosters love and connection can be difficult, especially when conflicts arise.

In this interview, Dr. Jessica Higgins and Laura Doyle, a relationship coach, discuss six essential skills for building intimacy and connection with your partner. From taking care of yourself to relinquishing control, showing respect, receiving graciously, embracing vulnerability, and using positive affirmations, Laura offers practical tools that can transform your relationship, even in seemingly hopeless situations.

If you're looking to deepen your connection and create a more fulfilling relationship, listen to this episode to discover expert advice on how to express yourself in ways that inspire love and connection.

New York Times bestselling author Laura Doyle was the perfect wife...until she actually got married. She is the founder of the international relationship coach training school Laura Doyle Connect, the star of Empowered Wives on Amazon Prime, the Creator of The Ridiculously Happy Wife program, the host of The Empowered Wife Podcast. She has helped over 15,000 women fix their relationships--even the hopeless ones-- without their husband’s effort.

In this episode

6:19 Laura shares how her personal experience led her to develop a coaching model and framework that supports women in heterosexual relationships.

10:24 How a women’s support group turned into a movement to end divorce.

19:49 Two "cheat phrases" that can help improve communication in a relationship.

25:43 The power of intimacy skills, receptivity, and manifesting desires.

41:09 Take charge of your own happiness: The power of self-care and positive cycles in relationships.

44:54 Building positive relationships through fundamental cues and intimacy skills: Insights from “The Empowered Wife”

51:36 Laura reveals the 6 intimacy skills that can improve your marriage, even in seemingly hopeless situations.

Mentioned

The Empowered Wife, Updated and Expanded Edition: Six Surprising Secrets for Attracting Your Husband's Time, Attention, and Affection (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

The Empowered Wife Podcast with Laura Doyle

Connect with Laura Doyle

Websites: lauradoyle.org

Facebook: facebook.com/lauradoyle.org

Twitter: twitter.com/lauramdoyle

YouTube: youtube.com/user/lauradoyleauthor

LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/lauramdoyle

Podcast: lauradoyle.org/podcasts

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 367: Learning To Disarm Our Emotional Weapons — An Interview With Dr. Shawn Haywood Apr 11, 2023

Is your relationship constantly fraught with emotional arguments? When things get tough, do you resort to emotional weapons like anger, blame, or shutting down?

It's time to take a step back and examine the role these emotional weapons play in your relationship.

In this episode, Dr. Shawn Haywood and Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss the ways in which people use emotional weapons to protect themselves, the negative impacts of using these weapons, and how to identify and disarm them. Dr. Haywood shares valuable insights and practical tips for gaining awareness of our emotional weapons, asking for what we need, and finding healthier ways to meet our needs in relationships.

Through deep devotion and commitment to her evolving spiritual path, author, speaker, and life and relationship coach for 24 years, Shawn Haywood, Ph.D., continues to transform toward increasing unconditional love and joy for the whole of her life, while teaching her clients and team to do the same so that their lives, marriages, health, and businesses can thrive in unimaginable ways.

If you're interested in improving your relationships and creating deeper connections with your partner, this interview is a must-listen.

In this episode

2:57 Dr. Shawn Haywood shares insights on laying down emotional weapons and achieving fight-free marriages and relationships.

8:48 Emotional weapons and surrender techniques for relationship success.

13:10 How to overcome disempowering effects caused by blaming oneself or others.

16:00 How to work with the body, mind, and spirit to resolve conflict.

22:08 How to break old habits and replace them with new ones.

27:27 Identifying and understanding emotional weapons: The importance of laying down emotional weapons and cultivating vulnerability in relationships.

40:30 A guide to disarming emotional weapons.

Mentioned

Living For Love: Set Yourself Free from the Daily Stress, Worry & Hurry that Wears You Down (Amazon affiliate link*) (book)

Reroute Your Relationship (free guide link)

Connect with Dr. Shawn Haywood

Websites: reimaginelove.com

Facebook: facebook.com/shawn.ashley.haywood

Instagram: instagram.com/drshawnhaywood

LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drshawnhaywood

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 366: How To Assess The Health Of Your Connection — An Interview With Dr. René Vázquez del Valle Apr 04, 2023

In today's fast-paced world, we often hear about the importance of maintaining a healthy relationship, but how do we actually assess the health of our connection?

In this episode, Dr. Réne Vázquez del Valle, a psychotherapist, and author of "Head Heart Crotch Connections: How Not to Fail in Search of Your Perfect" shares his simple yet profound formula for evaluating the head, heart, and sexual connection in our relationships and provides tips for identifying areas of weakness and working on them.

Dr. Vázquez del Valle breaks down his technique and offers a free connection scale on his website, allowing individuals to assess their level of connection and identify areas that need improvement.

Join us in this insightful conversation as we explore the importance of connection and how to maintain its health.

Dr. René G. Vázquez del Valle, DSW, received his MSW at Columbia University and his Doctorate at the CUNY Graduate School. He was an Adjunct Professor at Long Island University; guest speaker at both the NYU School of Medicine, Dept. of Psychiatry and CUNY Law School. He retired from the NYS Office of Mental Health after 30 years of clinical practice. He currently resides in NYC and East Hampton, NY, and works as a private practice therapist.

In this episode

3:44 How to assess success or failure in a relationship and the different factors that contribute to it.

13:16 The importance of descriptive language and mutual connection in relationships.

17:26 The importance of different types of connections in a relationship.

23:40 Understanding your partner’s needs: Enhancing connection in relationships through emotional, sexual, and intellectual fulfillment

28:52 Analyzing the fight-or-flight response to improve connection in relationships.

31:07 Understanding attachment style and types of connections.

33:25 Defense mechanisms and their impact on an individual's ability to connect with others

39:56 Understanding marianismo and the effects of shame on connection and wellbeing.

44:00 Dr. René Vázquez del Valle talks about his book and explains how the simple formula of assessing head, heart, and crotch connections can have profound effects on people's lives.

Mentioned

Head, Heart, Crotch Connections: How Not to Fail In Search of Your Perfect Union (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

Connection Rating Scale

Connect with Dr. René Vázquez del Valle

Websites: renev.authorchannel.co

Facebook: facebook.com/reneleo2

LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/rené-vázquez-del-valle-dsw-lcsw-r-71484563

Instagram: instagram.com/rene_vdelv

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 365: How To Develop Modern, High-Value, Masculine Traits — An Interview With Kristal DeSantis Mar 28, 2023

With the changing dynamics of society, the traditional definition of masculinity is being redefined, and there is a growing need for men to develop new skills and behaviors to thrive in today's world.

In this episode, we will explore actionable steps that men can take to develop these traits, enhance their personal growth, and succeed in both their personal and professional lives. Join us as we dive into this fascinating topic and discover how you can develop modern, high-value, masculine traits.

Kristal DeSantis is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with specializations in trauma, sex therapy, couples, and men's mental health issues. Creator of the STRONG Relationship Therapy Model of trauma-informed couples therapy. Certified clinical trauma professional with training in EMDR, complex PTSD, and relational trauma in first responders, LEOs, and veterans.

In this episode

5:32 Kristal Desantis’ background and interest in working with men, emphasizing the importance of normalizing therapy and emotional intelligence as part of strength building.

9:06 Redefining masculinity: moving beyond traditional roles and finding new ways to be a “high value” man.

16:33 Relationship field guide for the modern man: emphasizing safety and self-awareness.

20:05 The four key components of building a healthy relationship

27:07 Importance of self-regulation and trust in building healthy relationships.

30:35 The importance of Strong model for healthy and thriving relationships.

37:15 The importance of nurturing connection in relationships and expanding the definition of pleasure beyond just sex and increasing and expanding examples of pleasure.

40:30 A personal story and insights on true generosity and self-care.

Mentioned

Strong: A Relationship Field Guide for the Modern Man (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

Connect with Kristal DeSantis

Websites: strong.love

Twitter: twitter.com/atxtherapist

Instagram: instagram.com/atxtherapist

LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kristal-desantis

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 364: What Does It Mean To Do “Your Work” In Relationship — Interview With Madhur-Nain Webster Mar 21, 2023

Relationships can be a beautiful source of joy and growth, but they can also be incredibly challenging. Every person enters into a relationship with their own experiences, beliefs, and patterns of behavior. These can either support or hinder the connection we are trying to build with our partner. To create a healthy and fulfilling relationship, it's crucial to recognize that we have work to do on ourselves. The question is -- what does "your work" within a relationship really mean?

In this episode, we'll explore actionable steps you can take to cultivate a deeper understanding of yourself and your partner, and create a more harmonious and loving relationship.

In this episode

6:33 The importance of transparency and collaboration in couples therapy: Navigating individual and couples work and addressing behavioral change

11:46 Individual therapy: The importance of doing your own work to benefit your relationships.

17:15 A discussion on adjusting lenses and coping mechanisms towards relationship longevity.

22:26 The importance of self-reflection in relationships.

29:03 The Importance of Continuous Personal Growth and Therapy in Building Healthy Self-Esteem and Self-Worth.

34:29 Cultivating the wise self and soul self.

Mentioned

Soul-Self & the Emotional Facets of Your Personality (workshop)

The Stressless Brain (book)

Connect with Madhur-Nain Webster

Websites: madhurnain.com

Facebook: facebook.com/madhurnainwebster

Spotify: open.spotify.com/artist/5wvZFb0E0Ybc4oSdlDSn0h

YouTube: youtube.com/channel/UCOof1-ACJXP9SufPBHbQeQw

Instagram: instagram.com/madhurnain

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 363: How to Master Your Stress & Reset Your Health — An Interview with Dr. Doni Wilson Mar 14, 2023

Are you feeling stressed out and overwhelmed? Do you find yourself struggling to manage the demands of everyday life? If so, you're not alone. Stress is a common experience for many people, and it can have a significant impact on your health and well-being. But what if you could learn how to master your stress and reset your health? In this episode, we explore how to do just that with Dr. Doni Wilson, a leading expert in stress and health optimization. She shares insights from her book, "Master Your Stress, Reset Your Health," as well as practical tips and strategies for recovering from stress and building resilience.

Dr. Doni Wilson is a Naturopathic Doctor, certified professional midwife, certified nutrition specialist, and bestselling author of Master Your Stress, Reset Your Health. Dr. Doni suffered from migraines, and in the process of solving them, she developed her Stress Recovery Protocol. Dr. Doni brings awareness to the impact of stress and trauma on our health and how it is possible to recover and become resilient to stress.

In this episode

6:50 Naturopathic doctor shares insights on root causes of health issues and the power of addressing stress.

12:08 Understanding cortisol and managing stress: Finding the right herbs for optimal cortisol levels.

17:18 The importance of cortisol: Understanding the benefits of regulating this powerful hormone.

23:00 Navigating the limitations of health insurance and investing in preventive care.

25:18 Identifying and understanding the five common stress types.

29:47 A case study of a couple’s journey to optimum cortisol and adrenaline levels.

35:29 A guide to resetting your health.

40:21 The care approach and the role of relationships in stress recovery.

Mentioned

Master Your Stress, Reset Your Health: The Personalized Program to Calm Anxiety, Boost Energy, and Beat Burnout (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

Dr. Doni’s Stress Type Quiz

Connect with Dr. Doni Wilson

Websites: doctordoni.com

Facebook: facebook.com/drdoniwilson

Twitter: twitter.com/glutenfreedoc

YouTube: youtube.com/user/DoniWilsonND

Instagram: instagram.com/drdoniwilson

Pinterest: pinterest.com/DoctorDoni

Podcast: podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/ho-humans-heal/id1509561919

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 362: Understanding & Increasing Sexual Desire — An Interview with Dr. Lori Brotto Mar 07, 2023

Human sexuality is a complex and fascinating topic that has intrigued people for centuries. Sexual desire, in particular, is an essential aspect of our sexuality, yet many people struggle to understand and increase it. In this episode, we delved into the intricacies of sexual desire, exploring the factors that can impact it and the techniques that can help boost it. From exploring the impact of stress and lifestyle factors to discussing the benefits of mindfulness and communication, we uncovered a wealth of insights that can help individuals enhance their sexual desire and improve their overall sexual experiences. Whether you're struggling with a low sex drive or simply looking to deepen your connection with your partner, the insights shared in this conversation offer valuable guidance for anyone seeking to understand and increase their sexual desire.

Dr. Lori Brotto is a Professor in the UBC Department of Obstetrics and Gynaecology, a Registered Psychologist in Vancouver, Canada and the Executive Director of the Women's Health Research Institute of BC. Dr. Brotto holds a Canada Research Chair in Women's Sexual Health. Her book, Better Sex Through Mindfulness: How Women Can Cultivate Desire (2018) is a knowledge translation product aimed at sharing the science of sexual desire with a broad audience, and the accompanying Workbook will be published by Greystone in October 2022.

In this episode

7:16 From volunteering with rats to researching female sexual dysfunction: A journey of unexpected discoveries.

12:40 Causes and factors contributing to low desire in women.

18:44 A paradigm shift in cultivating desire for long-term relationships.

24:25 Understanding the impact of low desire on relationships and cultivating arousal.

26:55 Tips for reframing sexual experiences in a more positive light.

33:45 The importance of mindfulness in enhancing sexual response.

Mentioned

The Better Sex Through Mindfulness Workbook: A Guide to Cultivating Desire (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

Connect with Dr. Lori Brotto

Websites: loribrotto.com | brottolab.com

Twitter: twitter.com/DrLoriBrotto | twitter.com/ubcshr

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 361: How to Reset Your Attachment System for a Healthy Relationship — An Interview with Marc Sholes Feb 28, 2023

Do you find yourself constantly drawn to partners who are emotionally unavailable or abusive?

If so, it's time to hit the reset button on your attachment system and break free from the cycle of toxic relationships. In this age of self-help and personal growth, there are countless resources available to help you navigate the complex world of relationships. One such resource is Mark Sholes' book, "Reset Your Romantic GPS: The Journey to Self-Discovery and Healthy Relationships."

Through his extensive experience as a therapist and his own personal journey, Sholes offers practical guidance on how to rewire your attachment system and establish healthier patterns in your relationships. So if you're ready to take control of your love life and build fulfilling, sustainable relationships, tune in to this episode to learn more about how to reset your attachment system for a healthy relationship.

Marc is a New York City psychotherapist with 35+ years of experience working with individuals and couples. He is a board member, faculty, and supervisor at the National Institute for Psychotherapies, a leading training institute for psychotherapists.

He is also the author of the popular book Reset Your Romantic GPS: Why You Steer Toward the Wrong Partners and How to Change for the Better.

Marc lives in Manhattan with his wife and three children.

In this episode

7:33 Attachment and its impact on relationships.

15:36 The impact of insecure attachment on a child's development and how it affects their adult life.

20:57 The benefits of taking risks and standing up for oneself, even if it may not result in a positive outcome.

23:40 Motivators for change and overcoming hindrances in developing healthy habits and relationships.

29:03 Overcoming fear and loneliness from childhood trauma.

32:07 Overcoming challenges to make healthy choices and improve mental health.

38:00 Understanding the avoidant style in relationships and navigating healthy patterns with "Reset Your Romantic GPS”

Mentioned

Reset Your Romantic GPS: Why You Steer Toward The Wrong Partners, And How To Change Direction For The Better ****(*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

Connect with Ana Marc Sholes

Websites: arcsholeslcsw.com

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 360: How Being “Difficult” Can Assist Growth & Development In Relationship — An Interview With Tonya Lester Feb 21, 2023

Being difficult in relationships is a topic that is often misunderstood and shunned as the term "difficult" is usually associated with negativity, but what if it could be a catalyst for growth and development in our relationships?

In this episode, we'll challenge the common notion that smooth sailing is the ideal in relationships, and instead, explore how speaking up, having honest conversations, and being vulnerable can lead to deeper emotional intimacy and stronger relationships. Join us as we dive into the power of being "difficult" and how it can assist in the growth and development of our relationships.

Tonya Lester is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, private psychotherapist, Psychology Today contributor and author. For over 16 years, Tonya has taught couples and individuals how to manage their minds and emotions, develop relationships that are mutually respectful and supportive and approach decision-making and communication with clarity and courage. She believes in starting where you are, experimenting with new ways of being and focusing all of your attention on what you can do now, as opposed to fixating on what is currently out of reach.

In this episode

04:55 Understanding how unspoken resentment impacts long-term relationships.

8:35 What is good about being difficult?

14:13 How to navigate difficult conversations in relationships.

20:18 Tonya encourages co-creation and mindfulness in relationships.

25:34 Communicating effectively in relationships and overcoming gender roles and expectations.

28:57 Honesty, vulnerability, and setting boundaries in relationships.

34:13 Overcoming gendered paradigms in relationships through assertiveness.

39:46 Three key elements to navigating difficult conversations in relationships.

45:40 Finding the middle ground between shame and grandiosity.

51:27 Tonya’s vision for society: Building a world of collaborators.

Mentioned

Are you the Good Kind of Difficult? (*quiz)

Connect with Tonya Lester

Websites: tonyalester.com

TikTok: tiktok.com/@tonyalesterlcsw

Instagram: instagram.com/tonyalesterpsychotherapy

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 359: The Path To Integration - A New Model Of Masculinity — An Interview With Traver Boehm Feb 14, 2023

The definition of masculinity has been undergoing a significant change in recent years, with a growing realization that the traditional model of masculinity has been harmful and limiting for men.

In this episode, we delve into the uncharted territories of masculinity and the challenges men face in today's society. Our guest, Trevor, shares his journey and the lessons he has learned along the way, including his latest project, "Behind the Masks of Men," a three-month program aimed at helping men delve deeper into the topics of anger, relationships, sex, and desire.

Join us as we explore the false initiation of sexuality through porn and the importance of tackling these taboo topics for the betterment of not just men, but society as a whole.

Traver Boehm is the author of the books Today I Rise and Man UNcivilized. He’s a two time TEDx speaker, men’s coach, and the founder of the UNcivilized Men’s Movement. He’s helped men all over the world to become UNcivilized as they wake up to meditate, train their bodies, and blaze their own path by uniquely blending both the primal and the divine within them.

He is dedicated to doing his part to help end the suffering in men, and the suffering caused by men, by guiding them through their own journey into an actualized version of masculinity.

In this episode

2:46 Traver Boehm's personal journey of self-discovery and growth after a series of events in his life that led to a destabilization of his sense of identity and purpose.

12:12 A new paradigm of masculinity proposed amidst epidemic of pain in the male population.

18:23 Breaking down gender stereotypes: The negative impact of narrow masculine emotional expression.

20:17 Understanding masculinity in today's society.

26:08 Exploring the importance of balancing masculine and emotional intelligence in relationships.

32:37 Integrating masculine and feminine: Moving beyond limiting identities.

38:26 The importance of integrity in relationships and life.

41:31 Understanding the pain of "nice guys" and practical solutions.

47:53 The power of embracing the primal and divine within.

53:46 Behind the masks of men: A three-month program to explore emotional and sexual issues.

Mentioned

Behind the Masks of Men

Man UNcivilized (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

Today I Rise: How To Overcome The Gut-Wrenching Pain Of Your Breakup Or Divorce & Reclaim Your Life (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

Connect with Traver Boehm

Websites: manuncivilized.com

Podcast: The UNcivilized Podcast with Traver Boehm

Instagram: instagram.com/traverboehm/?hl=en

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 358: Healing & Development While In Relationship — An Interview With Gary De Rodriguez Feb 07, 2023

In relationships, it's not uncommon to experience difficulties and obstacles that can strain even the strongest of bonds. However, with the right tools and approach, it's possible to not only heal from past hurts but also continue to grow and develop as individuals and as a couple.In this episode, renowned relationship expert Gary De Rodriguez shares his insights and wisdom on how to achieve healing and development while in a relationship. From taking ownership of our thoughts and emotions to speaking with kindness and drawing appropriate boundaries, Gary provides actionable steps and practical advice to help individuals and couples navigate the ups and downs of relationships with ease.Gary De Rodriguez known as the People Mechanic is an internationally acclaimed expert in the science of human excellence with over a 35-year career in designing and integrating influential models of psychology-based systems of success in leadership, human behavior, relationships, communication, team dynamics.He is the CEO of Peopleistic LLC USA, Associate Professor at the Business Education Institute, Master Trainer in Humanistic Neuro-Linguistic Psychology, a licensed Executive Coach, and Published Author on the topic of Humanistic Business.

In this episode

6:17 An overview of Gary de Rodriguez's 35-year career in human excellence.

14:28 The importance of relationships and the role they play in personal growth and evolution.

20:24 Exploring the concept of psychological safety and its impact on relationships and team dynamics

24:44 The importance of understanding the impact of our emotions and behavior on the culture and energy in our home and environment.

30:03 The importance of boundaries and relationships in personal evolution and growth.

34:37 Key to improved relationships and overcoming trauma.

40:28 Understanding the impact of past traumas and the urgency to develop mental and emotional skills to live a fulfilling life.

46:07 The realization that made Gary break away from his addiction and start a journey of self-improvement.

51:59 The one thing that creates psychological safety is our ability to manage our own minds.

Mentioned

Creating Incredible Relationships (*Gary’s course)

Connect with Gary De Rodriguez

Websites: peopleistic.com

Facebook: facebook.com/peopleistic

Twitter: twitter.com/garyderodriguez

YouTube: youtube.com/user/peopleistic

LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/garyderodriguez

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 357: How Technology Impacts Intimacy In Relationship — An Interview With Tim Johnson Jan 31, 2023

Are you constantly checking your phone while spending time with your partner? Do you find yourself spending more time on social media than connecting with your significant other?

Technology has drastically changed the way we interact and communicate in our relationships. From social media to dating apps, technology has greatly impacted the way we form and maintain intimacy in our relationships. But what exactly are the effects of technology on intimacy?In this episode, we will dive into the research and explore the positive and negative impacts of technology on intimacy in relationships, from how it can enhance connection and communication to how it can lead to feelings of disconnection and dissatisfaction.Join us as we uncover the truth about how technology is shaping the way we connect with our loved ones.

Tim Johnson is the founder and CEO of Couply, which is an app for couples. Couply has helped over 250,000 people build better relationships.Prior to that, he was with Wattpad, which was an app that helped writers share their books, which grew to 100 million monthly users and was acquired by Naver for 660 million.Tim also spent 10x years in the Red Cross, in various programs from, helping reunite families separated by war and conflict, to supporting bullying prevention in youth.

In this episode

6:16 An app that helps people navigate and sustain healthy relationships inspired by his personal experience and heartache.

12:49 How technology is impacting the relationship space: Insights from a study of 1500 couples.

21:07 Social media algorithms and their psychological impact, including the infinite scroll feature and how it can lead to people becoming distracted and spending more time on their phones than intended.

26:05 The conversation of trust and boundaries in the digital age.

35:44 The pressure of presenting a perfect relationship on social media and its negative effects on mental health.

41:52 How technology can be helpful for relationships and self-discovery: the importance of discussing both the positive and negative aspects.

44:30 Virtual reality and long-distance relationships.

51:03 The power of the enneagram app.

57:30 Tim explains how the Kupple app gamifies the relationship-building process and makes it more convenient for couples to connect.

Mentioned

EEP 255: How to Deal with Problems Related to Social Media in Relationship – An Interview with Dr. Marisa T. Cohen

Sharing Resources (*Google form)

Connect with Tim Johnson

Websites: couply.io

Instagram: instagram.com/tigertimj/?hl=en | instagram.com/couplyapp/?hl=en

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 356: How To Overcome Obstacles To Nurture Sexual Intimacy — An Interview With Dr. Liz Jenkins Jan 24, 2023

Sexual intimacy is a vital component of any healthy relationship, but for many couples, it can be a challenge to maintain. Whether it's due to changes in your body, stress, or other obstacles, it can be difficult to keep the passion alive. However, there is hope. With a little bit of self-awareness and some open communication with your partner, you can reignite the spark and nurture sexual intimacy in your relationship.

In this episode, we'll explore some tips and strategies for overcoming obstacles and reigniting the passion in your relationship. So, if you're ready to take your intimacy to the next level, listen to this episode to learn more.

Dr. Liz is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Certified Relationship Coach with over 35 years and 75,000+ hours of expertise working with women and couples to reignite relationships so they can prevent divorce, infidelity, and dissatisfaction and navigate huge life transitions.

In this episode

4:09 Nurturing intimacy and passion: The importance of "redos" in order to address mistakes in relationships and improve communication and connection.

10:52 Myths and realities of sexual intimacy in long-term relationships: How life stages and circumstances impact couples.

20:19 Navigating life stages and overcoming challenges to maintain intimacy in relationships.

26:07 The challenges and opportunities in building and maintaining a sexual connection.

31:41 The Importance of Self-Awareness and Relaxation.

36:16 The importance of self-care, mindfulness, and communication in the bedroom.

42:05 Misperceptions and fears in sexual intimacy: How to address and communicate to maintain passion and connection.

47:29 The unconscious strategies to avoid intimacy.

Mentioned

Free Connection Call with Dr. Liz (*Calendly)

Weekend Reconnect Coaching Program

FREE Gift Couple's Connection Checklist

Sharing Resources (*Google form)

Connect with Dr. Liz Jenkins

Websites: drlizjenkins.com

Facebook: facebook.com/DrLizJenkins

Instagram: instagram.com/dr_liz_jenkins

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 355: The Importance Of Creating A Shared Reality In Relationship — An Interview With Dr. Heather Browne Jan 17, 2023

Are you tired of feeling unheard and unseen in your relationships? Do you struggle with finding a shared reality with your partner? If so, you're not alone. Many of us struggle to navigate the complexities of human interaction and connection. But the good news is, with the right tools and mindset, you can improve your relationships and create a deeper sense of connection and understanding with those around you. In this episode, Dr. Heather Browne shares some actionable steps and practical advice for creating a shared reality in your relationship and improving communication and connection with your loved ones. From identifying and expressing your needs to holding boundaries and creating space for growth and healing, this episode is packed with valuable insights and strategies for building stronger, more fulfilling relationships.

As a relationship expert, Dr. Heather Browne has worked with thousands of individuals and couples in psychotherapy. She is published in hundreds of journals, has an active YouTube channel, has been featured on ABC-7 news, was the relationship expert on KDOC Daybreak OC, and is published in Inc., The Toronto Sun, Thriving Family Magazine, Light + Life, and Psychology Today. She is a regular guest blogger for both Links for Shrinks and for Marriage Friendly Therapists.

In this episode

7:36 Dr. Browne's personal experience that inspired her to help couples.

11:33 Relationship: A place for growth and learning.

19:18 Ownership of ourselves and how we choose to perceive things.

24:25 Navigating difficult conversations in relationships.

31:23 Navigating differences and maintaining connection: The art of empathy and holding multiple truths.

34:21 The importance of curiosity in a healthy relationship.

39:26 Navigating the balance of self-care and caring for others.

44:29 The process of growth and transformation in relationships, emphasizing the importance of communication, curiosity, and compassion.

53:00 Where to find a variety of resources and learn more about her and her work.

Mentioned

Sharing Resources (*Google form)

Connect with Dr. Heather Browne

Websites: drheatherbrowne.com

Facebook: facebook.com/profile.php?id=100063801931581

TikTok: tiktok.com/t/ZTd7b3xEh

Instagram: instagram.com/dr.heatherbrowne

YouTube: youtu.be/ulYsgmXJmdc

LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drheatherbrowne

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 354: How Trauma Affects The Brain & Relationships — An Interview With Ana Gabriel Mann Jan 10, 2023

Our personal history can shape the way we perceive and react to the behavior of others and the types of relationships we form. If we have experienced neglect or abuse in the past, it may be more difficult for us to trust others and form close relationships. We may also be more prone to anxiety or depression. On the other hand, if we had a supportive and nurturing upbringing, we may be more confident and able to form healthy, positive relationships.

In this episode, Ana Gabriel Mann discusses the use of neurofeedback as a treatment for trauma and other issues such as PTSD, brain injury, and processing disorders. They describe the process of neurofeedback and how it can be used to specifically target and address specific areas of the brain that may be over or understimulated. She also emphasizes the importance of self-care and the role it plays in healing and personal growth.

Ana Gabriel Mann earned her Master’s degree in clinical psychology before going on to serve as an educator, therapist, and corporate trainer. She currently coaches Go-Giver Marriage clients and leads the Go-Giver Marriage Coaches Training Program.

In this episode

6:45 Exploring the use of authentic movement in processing and healing trauma.

11:57 The importance of boundaries in therapy, particularly in couples therapy.

22:47 Understanding and managing flooding and multigenerational PTSD with EEG neurofeedback therapy.

29:03 The Benefits of Neurofeedback Therapy for Managing Trauma and Overaroused Nervous Systems.

37:12 Neurofeedback for trauma, brain injury, and processing disorders: How EEG therapy can help regulate brain function and promote healing.

48:46 The importance of prioritizing self-care in trauma healing and personal growth.

51:42 How they’re helping individuals and couples.

Mentioned

The Go-Giver Marriage: A Little Story About the Five Secrets to Lasting Love (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

Sharing Resources (*Google form)

ERP 270: How to Resolve Relational Trauma in the Body through Dance & Movement – An Interview with Orit Krug

Connect with Ana Gabriel Mann

Websites: gogivermarriage.com

Facebook: facebook.com/anagabrielmann

Twitter: twitter.com/AnaGabrielMann

Instagram: instagram.com/AnaGabrielMann

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 353: The Connection Between Love & Loss — An Interview With Dr. Jordana Jacobs Jan 03, 2023

Death is a natural and inevitable part of life. It is a reminder of our own mortality and the impermanence of things. While it can be a difficult and painful experience, it is believed that consciousness about death brings people closer to each other.

In this episode, Dr. Jordana Jacobs talks about the importance of mortality awareness and how denial of this fundamental human experience can lead to greater suffering and isolation. This awareness can also inspire us to prioritize our relationships, make the most of the time we have together, and find a deeper sense of purpose and meaning in life.

Dr. Jordana Jacobs is a clinical psychologist in private practice in New York City. Her approach is integrative, combining psychodynamic and existential therapy in her treatment of patients. Dr. Jacobs’ training at Memorial Sloan Kettering working with terminally ill cancer patients, her studies in Northern India, and her Vipassana meditation practice inspired her work exploring the complex relationship between death and love.

In this episode

10:31 Dr. Jacobs' unwavering faith in the power of love and connection to bring meaning and resilience in the face of trauma and loss.

14:09 Exploring the complex interplay between love and death in long-term relationships.

16:56 How the power of mortality awareness can deepen love and meaning in life.

25:56 How denying or avoiding this fundamental human experience can lead to greater suffering and isolation.

35:27 How surrendering to difficult emotions and experiences can help us move forward.

37:33 Actionable steps you can take to gently bring mortality into awareness.

Mentioned

Ram Dass Fierce Grace (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

Love & Death Meditation (*Youtube video)

Love & Letting Go Meditation (*Youtube video)

WeCroak

Sharing Resources (*Google form)

Connect with Dr. Jordana Jacobs

Websites: drjordanajacobs.com

Instagram: instagram.com/drjordanajacobs/?hl=en

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 352: How Overthinking Interferes With Connection In Relationship — An Interview With Alicia Muñoz Dec 27, 2022

Do you find yourself constantly overreacting to your partner’s words and actions, or do you often overthink simple things and always assume the worst?

Everyone faces challenges and struggles in life, and it's natural to feel overwhelmed or uncertain at times, but it's important to remember that there are ways to reduce overthinking so you can be your best self and enjoy life.

In this episode, Alicia Munoz discusses the five rumination cycles that destroy relationships and four simple ways to break these cycles.

Alicia Muñoz, LPC, is a certified couples therapist, and author of four books, most recently "Stop Overthinking Your Relationship: Break the Cycle of Anxious Rumination to Nourish Love, Trust, and Connection With Your Partner" (New Harbinger Publications, 2022). Muñoz currently works as a Senior Writer at Psychotherapy Networker and as a couples therapist in private practice.

In this episode

3:17 How overthinking obstructs connection and relationships.

13:56 What rumination in relationships looks like.

18:08 The five rumination cycles.

27:41 How attachment styles influence rumination.

31:16 Four simple ways to reduce the amount of overthinking.

41:22 The significance of having direct contact with oneself.

47:25 How to break the cycle of anxious rumination in your relationship.

Mentioned

Stop Overthinking Your Relationship: Break the Cycle of Anxious Rumination to Nurture Love, Trust, and Connection with Your Partner (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

The 7 Hidden Relationship-Wreckers (free mini course)

Connect with Alicia Muñoz

Websites: aliciamunoz.com

Facebook: facebook.com/aliciamunozlpc

Twitter: twitter.com/aliciamunozlpc

LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/aliciamunozlpc

Instagram: instagram.com/aliciamunozcouples

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 351: How To Cultivate More Relational Intelligence — An Interview With Dr. Adam C. Bandelli Dec 20, 2022

Although emotional intelligence is important in developing positive relationships, it is only one piece of the puzzle. Some of the factors that contribute to long-lasting relationships are establishing rapport, developing trust, and embracing inclusivity or diversity.

In this episode, Dr. Adam C. Bandelli talks about his research on the pros and cons of emotional intelligence and how this can make or break your relationships. He then introduces the concept of relational intelligence, going through each of its five essential skills.

Relational intelligence, sometimes referred to as social intelligence, is the capacity to perceive, understand, and navigate emotions in oneself and others, and to use this awareness to effectively communicate and interact with others.

Dr. Bandelli, emphasizes that by developing your relational intelligence, you can improve your communication skills, build strong relationships, and effectively navigate social situations.

Founder and Managing Director of Bandelli & Associates, Dr. Adam C. Bandelli is an organizational psychologist and seasoned leadership advisor with over twenty years of corporate consulting experience. In his latest book, "Relational Intelligence," he details the five essential skills he has found to create life-changing relationships. Adam received his Ph.D. and master’s degree from the University of South Florida and now runs Bandelli & Associates, where he and his consultants help their clients unleash their true leadership potential.

In this episode

7:14 Guest introduction: An athlete turned psychologist/leadership advisor.

10:12 Emotional intelligence plays a role in creating strong relationships.

12:30 Define relational intelligence and the five essential skills for developing life-changing relationships.

12:50 Building rapport: The ability to use energy to make a positive first impression on others.

18:04 Investing in deepening relationships through time and effort.

22:07 Celebrating diversity and inclusion.

19:08 Understanding and connecting with others.

40:56 Information on how listeners can access resources to support them in improving their communication and negotiating skills in relationships.

Mentioned

Relational Intelligence; The Five Essential Skills You Need to Build Life-Changing

Relationships (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

Facilitating Communication and Effective Interpersonal Relationships at Work: A Theoretical Model of Socio-Affective Competence (dissertation)

ERP 336: Strengthen Your Relationship with 5 Daily Practices — An Interview with John David & Ana Gabriel Mann

Connect with Dr. Adam C. Bandelli

Websites: bandelliandassociates.com

Twitter: twitter.com/abandelli

YouTube: youtube.com/channel/UCDhhamF26lfFqe8UAsEFv4g/featured

Instagram: instagram.com/adambandelli

LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/adambandelli

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 350: Learning To Live Authentically In Love & Life — An Interview With Keely & Dani Dec 13, 2022

Have you ever felt like you were trying to fit into someone else’s shoes? Maybe you've wanted to do something that you know will make you happy but have been holding back out of concern for what people will think of you.

Well, you are not alone. Many people around the world are afraid to be who they truly are because they are scared of being rejected and abandoned. As a result, they hide and carry on living lives that are dictated by society, family, or friends.

But how would you like to live your life if there were no rules or judgment?

In this episode, Keely and Dani, the founders of Coming Out Happy, talk about their journey from their early struggles with sexuality and confidence to living the most authentic lives that they want to share with the world. They discuss overcoming insecurities and fears, self-love, and creating a safe space for queer adults so that they can grow closer as a community.

Dani and Keely created the world's leading holistic mental wellness platform for queer adults. They help you achieve better relationship skills, healthier habits, and greater well-being. Instantly, you will find mind-body wellness tools, courses, and intentionally-designed exercises to help one increase their peace, happiness, and balance in life as a queer adult.

In this episode

5:39 Dani’s inspiration for supporting the LGBTQ+ community: struggles with sexuality and confidence.

7:37 How Keely's inability to express herself negatively affected her relationships.

8:21 Dani’s decision to quit her corporate job and start a membership for the LGBTQ+ community.

14:00 How the inner work of self-care and self-love can help you move into the world in a way that feels more true to you.

17:21 Making a safe space for the LGBTQ+ community?

31:03 How to work with insecurity and fears that will emerge in relationships

36:05 The importance of community and community-building.

45:49 How they resolve conflicts or when either feels triggered.

Mentioned

Pride Amplified Program

ERP 349: Navigating Cultural Differences in Relationship — An Interview with Dr. Kathrine Bejanyan

Connect with Keely & Dani

Website: comingouthappy.com

TikTok: tiktok.com/@comingouthappyteam?lang=en

Facebook: facebook.com/comingouthappy

YouTube: youtube.com/c/ComingOutHappy

Instagram: instagram.com/comingouthappy

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 349: Navigating Cultural Differences In Relationship — An Interview With Dr. Kathrine Bejanyan Dec 06, 2022

Childhood, environment, culture, religion, and background all have an impact on who we become and how we perceive ourselves. These factors also influence how we present ourselves in relationships.

Most relationships start out with the lovely phase of courting and falling in love. Up until differences arise, everything seems to be perfect. These differences can be significant life choices like having children, purchasing a home, moving to a different country or city, or even something as basic as eating habits. Dealing with cross-cultural differences makes this even more challenging.

Dr. Kathrine Bejanyan discusses the typical issues that couples from various cultures encounter. She acknowledges that some sacrifices are necessary for the relationships to work, but she also expresses caution, saying that some sacrifices are not worthwhile.

In this episode, she discusses how to resolve disagreements with your partner or get yourself ready for a successful relationship with someone from a different background.

Dr. Kathrine Bejanyan is a practicing therapist specializing in the areas of dating, relationships, and cross-cultural topics. Her practice focuses on working with individuals and couples on love, dating, and relationship issues, with an emphasis on building deeper intimacy, connection, and authenticity in their love lives. Outside of her private practice, Kathrine is a speaker, consultant, and lecturer in psychology. She holds a Ph.D. in social psychology and a Master's in counseling psychology.

In this episode

5:31 Dr. Kathrine Bejanyan’s keen interest in understanding cultural dynamics.

11:34 How overcoming struggles fosters relationships and individual growth.

13:50 Defining the problem before solving it.

17:38 Typical issues that cross-cultural couples face.

20:04 The importance of curiosity in a healthy relationship.

26:33 How to handle cultural differences in relationships.

36:29 Cultural identity is dynamic rather than static.

48:42 How to connect with Kathrine.

Mentioned

Connect with Dr. Kathrine Bejanyan

Websites: kathrinebejanyan.com

LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/dr-kathrine-bejanyan

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 348: Access Intraconnection For Well-Being — An Interview With Dr. Daniel Siegel Nov 29, 2022

The separate self is a lie.

Contrary to modern culture’s idea of the solo self or individualism, which emphasizes the need to look out for and take care of oneself above all else, indigenous people believe that everything is interconnected. There has always been a connection between us and the rest of the world.

Although it originated in Western culture, individualism is a global phenomenon that prevents us from living in greater balance and harmony.

In today's society, self-reliance is highly stressed and valued, which gives the impression that we are on our own and leaves a lot of people experiencing feelings of worthlessness, loneliness, and desperation.

In this episode, Dr. Dan Siegel aims to shift that mindset into a more relational approach. He places a strong emphasis on how crucial it is to understand how connected we all are. He believes that by understanding and embracing this ancient message, we can find solutions to more significant problems like public health and planetary health, in addition to our relationships with other people. Let’s dive in.

In this episode

5:38 The inspiration of the book: the deep desire to let go of the idea of the "solo self" and discover how to lead a more balanced, harmonious life.

17:33 The flimsy fantasy of certainty.

20:59 How our culture encourages us to see ourselves as separate, independent beings.

28:34 How the word “me” can be a limiting word and the origin of the word "MWe."

36:08 The ineffective use of the word "self" in the field of mental health.

41:54 The solo self is a lie: a broader understanding of who we are and the realities of our entangled lives.

48:41 How the idea of intraconnectedness, or MWe, can change romantic relationships.

Mentioned

IntraConnected: MWe (Me + We) as the Integration of Self, Identity, and Belonging (book)

Wheel of Awareness by Dr. Dan Siegel

Aware: The Science and Practice of Presence--The Groundbreaking Meditation Practice (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

Noosphere by Pierre Teilhard de Chardin (*Wikipedia)

ERP 216: What to Know about Loneliness and Relationship

ERP 219: The Human Need for Belonging

ERP 215: How to Deal With Being “Alone Together”

ERP 208: How to Find Balance and Direction

Connect with Dr. Dan Siegel

Websites: DrDanSiegel.com | mindsightinstitute.com

Facebook: facebook.com/drdansiegel

Twitter: twitter.com/DrDanSiegel

YouTube: youtube.com/user/mindsightinstitute

Instagram: instagram.com/drdansiegel

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 347: Heal Relational Triggers & Reactivity — An Interview with Dr. Susan Campbell Nov 22, 2022

Do you find yourself easily triggered by your partner’s actions or tone? Perhaps he or she really did something offensive, or maybe that’s just how you perceived it. Sometimes, you don’t even understand why you’re upset.As you've probably heard a lot of times, relationships aren't always glitz and glamour. It's more of an attraction that, once you've established safety and gone a little deeper, differences begin to surface. At this point, many would presume that their love for their partner has waned or that they made the wrong decision. Although discomfort in intimate relationships just flies in your face, these relationships also serve a deeper purpose: emotional healing and spiritual development. You learn so much more about yourself in a relationship than you could on your own. In this episode, Dr. Susan Campbell discusses triggers, including how they manifest, the reasons behind our emotions, and—most importantly—the five steps to trigger mastery that she outlined in her most recent book.

Susan is a best-selling author of 12 books and is the creator and publisher of three entertaining and educational card games for couples, families, work teams, and singles. Susan’s work with couples has been featured on national television, including CNN’s News Night, Good Morning America, and The Dr. Dean Edel Show, and she has been widely published in popular magazines. In 2003–2004, she was the couple therapist on the reality TV show, Truth in Love, which aired on UPN, an ABC affiliate network.

In this episode

5:23 The couple’s journey and how it can be an opportunity for healing. 12:04 How to work with triggers in a way that is inviting. 13:05 Getting more comfortable with emotional discomfort. 33:23 How to deal with triggers that will inevitably arise in a relationship: co-triggering vs. co-regulation. 41:48 Dr. Campbell's five-step trigger mastery: from triggered to tranquil. 46:30 Why is it in your best interest to make your partner feel secure? 49:18 Your inner good mother archetype.

Mentioned

From Triggered to Tranquil: How Self-Compassion and Mindful Presence Can Transform Relationship Conflicts and Heal Childhood Wounds (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

Five-Minute Relationship Repair: Quickly Heal Upsets, Deepen Intimacy, and Use Differences to Strengthen Love (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

Getting Real: Ten Truth Skills You Need to Live an Authentic Life (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

The Couple's Journey: Intimacy As a Path to Wholeness (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

ERP 305: The Surprising & Powerful Benefits of Learning to Tolerate Discomfort — An Interview with Dr. Anna Lembke

Connect with Dr. Susan Campbell

Websites: susancampbell.com

Facebook: facebook.com/drsusan99

Twitter: twitter.com/drsusan99

YouTube: youtube.com/user/drsusan95472?themeRefresh=1

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 346: Accessing Relatedness & The Priority Of Connection — An Interview With Gabriel Kram Nov 15, 2022

Most modern people are unaware of the extent to which the human nervous system is dissociated because there are so many forces—technology, social media, politics, and a whole host of other things—vying for our attention.In this episode, Gabriel Kram talks about how these dissociative tendencies are becoming more prevalent in modern culture and how authority has robbed us of our sacred connection to the earth. Gabriel emphasizes the value of real human connection to one's overall well-being and shares their unconventional strategy to reestablish this connection.Natureza Gabriel is a connection phenomenologist. For 25 years, he has studied connection and what gets in its way. He attended Yale and Stanford universities but has been shaped more by sitting in teepees and circles than in classrooms. He has been blessed with many remarkable mentors. He is the founder and CEO of Hearth Science, Inc., convener of the Restorative Practices Alliance, and co-founder of the Academy of Applied Social Medicine.

In this episode

5:55 Gabriel's personal healing journey that inspired him to specialize in connection phenomenology.

11:29 Gabriel defines relatedness.

15:29 Differences between how indigenous people and Western culture conceptualize intelligence.

21:21 How dissociative tendencies are being normalized in modern society.

23:46 How our relatedness to the earth has been obliterated from our language.

39:45 How interoception can improve general wellbeing.

46:40 Gabriel defines social engagement physiology as a physical system.

54:06 A diagnostic and intervention system they’ve built to strengthen access to the hearts, intuition, and relatedness.

Mentioned

Restorative Practices of Wellbeing (Connection Phenomenology) (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

The Polyvagal Theory

Connect with Gabriel Kram

Websites: restorativepractices.com | hearthscience.io | aasm.io

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 345: How Embodiment Helps Regulate The Nervous System — An Interview With GS Youngblood Nov 08, 2022

In response to criticism or complaints, people frequently resort to becoming defensive as a coping strategy. It’s natural for people to defend themselves when they feel harmed or unfairly attacked. While defensiveness is designed to keep us out of danger, it is also one of the major relationship busters.

Women commonly complain about their partner's defensiveness and how they feel disconnected. On the other hand, men are perplexed. They have no idea what to do when their partner is upset. And when the nervous system detects a threat, the mind springs into action with a variety of escape strategies or ways to ease the discomfort of anxiety. The mind then intervenes with stories, projections, and defenses.

Couples will never truly connect if one partner is in an emotional space and the other responds with information to try to talk him or her out of being upset.

In this episode, GS Youngblood introduces embodiment. He differentiates it from the type of meditation that most people are familiar with—noticing your thoughts and then deciding to let them go. He describes how concentrating on specific bodily sensations can help to control the nervous system. He also stresses the significant impact that this kind of awareness can have on how you show up in your relationships.

GS coaches men in relationships on how to live, love, and lead from their masculine core. He is the author of the acclaimed books The Masculine in Relationship and The Art of Embodiment for Men, both of which are written to help men build more masculine capacity. His work in this domain of masculine leadership pulls in principles from a variety of fields: psychology, spirituality, martial arts, tango, meditation, and BDSM.

Although GS primarily coaches men in relationships, women would equally benefit from practicing being embodied, too.

In this episode

5:03 Embodiment vs. meditation: focusing on specific bodily sensations rather than your thoughts.

8:51 Benefits of embodiment in terms of intimate relationships: consciously choosing how one will respond or react.

21:15 How he helps people have more of this embodiment.

41:24 How is being physical different from being embodied?

45:42 Examples of how people can confront their tendencies to escape in this more embodied way.

53:10 Sexual leadership: how to bring some leadership to the bedroom so that your partner can, if she chooses, can surrender to your lead.

56:28 Discover more information about GS and his work, including his website, books, workshops, and social media handles.

Mentioned

The Art of Embodiment for Men (Affiliate link to GS's course)

The Art of Embodiment for Men: Using the ANI Framework and Daily Practices to Tame Anxiety, Heal Trauma, and Conquer Your Nice Guy Tendencies (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

The Masculine in Relationship: A Blueprint for Inspiring the Trust, Lust, and Devotion of a Strong Woman (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

ERP 263: How to Develop Three Key Qualities of Your Positive Masculine Leadership — An Interview with GS Youngblood

Connect with GS Youngblood

Websites: gsyoungblood.com

Facebook: facebook.com/gsyoungblood1/groups

Instagram: instagram.com/gsyoungbloodmir/?hl=en

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 344: How Our Language Can Steer & Shape Our Relationships — An Interview With Dr. Georgi Gardiner Nov 01, 2022

Have you ever been in a situation where you just can’t find the words to express how you are feeling, and then all of a sudden you come across a word that perfectly captures how you feel? Isn't it empowering to finally have a name for that feeling or experience so you can share it with others?

Language is an incredibly effective tool for communication and expression. It not only helps you understand who you are, but it also alters the way you see the world. There are simply not enough words to adequately describe the various kinds of emotions and relationships that people are capable of experiencing, which is why communities, such as the LGBTQ and polyamory, are developing new vocabulary.

In this episode, Dr. Georgi Gardiner discusses some new vocabulary words that she covers in her essay, We Forge the Conditions of Love, in an effort to raise awareness. In the aforementioned essay, the author discusses how people's conceptions of love impact their romantic relationships and offers suggestions for how to direct and mold them.

Dr. Georgi Gardiner is an Assistant Professor of Philosophy and a fellow of the American Council for Learned Societies (ACLS). She previously held the Andrew Fraser Junior Research Fellowship at St. John’s College, Oxford University. Georgi received her doctorate from Rutgers University and Undergraduate and Masters degrees from Edinburgh University. Her research interests include the philosophy of love, sexuality, and sex work. She also researches beliefs about trauma and rape.

In this episode

6:22 What is linguistic luck and how can it affect your romantic relationship?

8:17 Love has a very permissive flexibility of meaning.

13:27 An example of social forging: holiday romance or a summer fling.

18:51 How can trying on various interpretive frames of oneself be an empowering cognitive skill?

23:15 How to switch between being disempowered and being empowered.

27:12 What influences societal constructs, and how are communities broadening the vocabulary they use to describe their relationships?

30:42 What is limerence, and how might it influence how people perceive love and romantic relationships?

34:22 Are you really experiencing falling in love or is it just limerence?

44:21 How can people utilize this knowledge more in their daily lives?

47:42 Find out more about Dr. Georgi Gardiner and her work.

Mentioned

We Forge the Conditions of Love (essay)

Living with Limerence (book)

ERP 286: How to Know if You Experience Limerence & What to Do About It – An Interview With Dr. L

Connect with Dr. Georgi Gardiner

Website: georgigardiner.com

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 343: How To Protect Your Marriage From Divorce — An Interview With David Erdman Oct 25, 2022

Marriage is one of the most significant decisions one has to make. It is designed to foster a partnership, a lifelong commitment, and a sense of shared success and happiness between two people. Nobody enters into a marriage expecting it to end in divorce, but as couples spend more time together and get to know one another better, conflicts may arise, responsibilities and priorities may change, and if couples can't work it out, it may result in divorce.

There are marriage and couple's therapists who can assist couples in working through conflicts, but if the relationship is beyond saving, you might want to speak with a divorce lawyer who can guide you through the legal process.

Have you heard of a divorce attorney that helps couples stay in their marriage? That sounds ironic.

While most divorce lawyers focus on getting the best settlement offer their clients can get, even if that means adding fuel to the fire, David Erdman approaches his cases differently.

David has been happily married for 38 years and has practiced divorce law for over 40 years. He is a graduate of Duke University and the Georgetown University Law Center. David is an advocate and ally for clients who are working to save their marriages with a focus on children. He is also a veteran of over 5,000 marriage-related legal consultations, which inspired him to write the book, The Ten Commandments of Marriage: Secrets of a Divorce Lawyer.

In this episode, David discusses his unique approach to handling divorce cases. We'll discover how he is shifting the emphasis from the impending separation to making your marriage the way you want it to be by asking the right questions. Furthermore, he outlines what is in his book while focusing on the most important rules and delivering some insightful advice.

In this episode

4:54 David's motivation for writing The Ten Commandments of Marriage: A compilation of what he discovered from more than 5000 other marriages over the course of 40 years.

13:28 Asking clients probing questions to help them prepare for negotiations.

19:12 What is unforgivable?

25:29 Thou shalt learn to resolve differences.

28:34 What happens in a relationship when there is equality.

35:35 Top reasons for divorce: the percentage of women who are more likely to initiate divorce.

38:36 How to make sex satisfying for both you and your partner.

42:49 Spouses’ superpowers that you should not neglect.

44:47 Thou shall NOT allow children to obstruct your marriage

49:04 Golden nuggets of advice

Mentioned

The Ten Commandments of Marriage: Secrets of a Divorce Lawyer (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

Connect with David Erdman

Website: tencommandmentsofmarriage.com

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 342: How Love Transforms Our Nervous System — An Interview With Jessica Baum Oct 18, 2022

Relationships are the best mirror for our deepest fears and emotions. Although you may have been able to suppress these feelings as an adult, getting into a committed relationship can bring them to the surface.

Can love transform our nervous system and mend these wounds? The short answer is yes.

In this episode, Jessica Baum discusses core wounds and the emotional charge associated with that narrative. She also discusses co-regulation and interdependency and how they can be used to better understand your own and your partner's behavior.

Jessica Baum, LMHC, is the founder of the Relationship Institute of Palm Beach, providing couples therapy, family counseling, and addiction therapy in South Florida for over 10 years. She has helped thousands of clients with her unique approach to healing, the Self-full® Method. Through her sister company, Be Self-full (beselffull.com), Jessica offers transformational courses and online coaching services that support individuals and couples to form healthy, long-term relationships.

In this episode

5:36 Breaking the anxious-avoidant dance in relationships: How Jessica's fascination with energy and system issues evolved.

8:01 Understanding Core Wounds: The underlying story and the energetic charge associated with it.

13:47 Understanding how your nervous system affects your relationships.

20:24 Patterns and themes: Distinguishing what is happening in the relationship from possible feelings you may have had before you met that partner.

24:50 How the nervous system responds to cues of stress and how co-regulation helps create a calm environment.

35:55 How to go from being anxious or avoidant to feeling secure.

48:12 Connect with Dr. Baum and learn more about her work.

Mentioned

Anxiously Attached: Becoming More Secure in Life and Love (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

Connect with Jessica Baum

Websites: beselffull.com/anxiouslyattached

Facebook: facebook.com/beselffull

Instagram: instagram.com/jessicabaumlmhc

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 341: The Stories We Tell About Our Relationship Either Encourage Or Discourage Us — An Interview With Dr. Karen Skerrett Oct 11, 2022

You become what you consistently tell yourself, whether it is positive or negative, according to the adage "You are who you say you are." This tells us that the thoughts that you feed your mind matter because, unwittingly, they serve as the road map for both your interpersonal relationships and your individual self.

You can't really rewrite the past, but having the awareness of how it can impact your life, you give yourself the power to write a new story, a new beginning.

In this episode, Dr. Skerrett explains the concept of couples' resilience and the advantages it has for relationships and elaborates on how couples can develop and nurture their resilience.

Karen Skerrett, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist and registered nurse with over 40 years of experience as a clinician, academic, and author who specializes in strength-based approaches to healing and change across the lifecycle. She is the author of Growing Married, co-author of Positive Couple Therapy, co-editor of Couple Resilience, and author of the memoir Tell Me Again How I Know You?

In this episode

6:06 Karen’s transition from nursing to psychology: Targeting towards and focusing on couple's resilience.

11:14 What is couples’ resilience and what makes it a source of positive energy for couple life?

13:24 The importance of the stories we tell our narrative.

18:59 The distinction between a story and a "we-story".

25:31 The seven elements of we-ness.

34:50 Transforming individualistic cultures and behavior into an empowering story.

41:39 Karen's advice and resources to help people build a couple's resiliency.

Mentioned

Growing Married: Creating Stories for a Lifetime of Love (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

Couple Resilience: Emerging Perspectives (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

Positive Couple Therapy: Using We-Stories to Enhance Resilience (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

Strengths-based Resilience (SBR)

Connect with Dr. Karen Skerrett

Websites: karenskerrettphd.com

LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/karen-skerrett-7a185024

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 340: The Essential Skill Of Tracking Openness in Relationship — An Interview With Dr. Kathryn Ford Oct 04, 2022

When your partner or someone else calls you out or you feel attacked, it's natural to go into defense mode. Humans are simply wired that way. Defensiveness, however, can hinder your ability to relate to others and damage your relationships.

Aperture awareness is an essential skill for open, honest, and healthy communication. While our brains are built to instantly read an aperture, not everyone is aware of this, so they fail to recognize the signs. The good news is that it's a skill that can be acquired.

In this episode, Dr. Kathryn Ford elaborates on aperture awareness and its significance in relationships. You'll learn how to read body language as a sign of awareness, as well as some highly structured exercises to help people slow down.

Kathryn Ford, M.D. is a relationship expert and creator of the couples therapy model, Aperture Awareness™ — the felt sensation of availability for connection. She's been practicing psychotherapy for over 20 years in private practice and through workshops at Stanford University. She received her M.D. from Brown University Medical School and did her psychiatry residency at The Stanford School of Medicine. In addition to her traditional training, both her yoga practice and her life-long meditation practice have informed her life and her work.

In this episode

8:02 What sparked Kathryn's interest in mindfulness and relationships?

15:42 Understanding aperture awareness and why it's often disregarded.

21:18 Body language as a sign of responsiveness and awareness.

30:27 Fostering trust by rewarding risk-taking.

32:49 Pumping the brakes and riding the waves.

41:52 How to sift through your partner's words for the kernel of truth.

54:50 The power of slowing down.

58:34 How to connect with Dr. Kathryn Ford.

Mentioned

About Kathryn Ford M.D. (*Psychology Today)

Stanford Continuing Studies

Connect with Dr. Kathryn Ford

Website: kathrynfordmd.com

Facebook: facebook.com/KathrynFordMD

Instagram: instagram.com/KathrynFordMD

LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kathryn-ford-m-d-1a675b2b

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 339: How Relationships Dissolve & What You Can Do About it — An Interview With Susan Scott Sep 27, 2022

Keeping your emotions at bay to maintain the harmony in your relationship may seem like a better option than engaging in a conversation that might result in an argument. On the other hand, suppressing your feelings can eventually do serious damage to your relationship.

When you spend a lot of time with someone, you may begin to believe that you know everything about them. Starting a conversation may feel terrifying because you anticipate your partner's response and how the conversation will go, but you may or may not be right.

In this episode, Susan Scott discusses the causes of relationship plateaus, common misconceptions about love, the effects of poor communication or lack thereof, and the characteristics of a fierce conversation. You'd be surprised at how refreshing that would be if you knew how to approach these conversations in a courageous, loving, and skillful way.

Susan Scott is a bestselling author and leadership development architect who has enabled top executives worldwide to engage in vibrant dialogue with one another, with their employees, and with their customers for two decades. In her latest book, “Fierce Love – Creating a Love that Lasts, One Conversation at a Time,” Susan Scott guides couples through eight must-have conversations to create a fierce love that stands the test of time and grows stronger over the years.

In this episode

6:19 Gradually and then suddenly: Understanding how lack of communication can ruin a

relationship.

16:53 Post-romance stage: Recognizing the causes of a relationship plateau.

23:07 What a fierce conversation looks like.

33:21 Susan's own description of what she considers to be a safe place for meaningful conversations.

40:00 Myths about love that can destroy you and your relationship.

Mentioned

Fierce Love: Creating a Love that Lasts---One Conversation at a Time (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

Connect with Susan Scott

Website: susanscott.io | fierceinc.com/fierce-conversations

Facebook: facebook.com/SusanScottFierce | linkedin.com/company/fierce-inc-

LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/susan-scott-1b63388 | linkedin.com/company/fierce-inc-

Twitter: twitter.com/fierce_inc

YouTube: youtube.com/user/fierceinc

Instagram: instagram.com/fierceconversations_

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 338: How Gender Equality Is Good For Us All — An Interview With Dr. Kate Mangino Sep 20, 2022

The majority of women due far more housework than men (in heterosexual relationships). According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, women spend 47 minutes more on housework on average than men each day. This translates to roughly 5 ½ more hours each week, which doesn’t include childcare, grocery shopping or errands (which women do more of as well). This gender gap has an effect on everyone.

In this episode, Dr. Kate Mangino discusses what she learned from interviewing 40 men in equal relationships to show how gender norms can restrict one or both partners in a relationship compared to what it looks like in equal relationships.

Kate Mangino, PhD is a gender expert who works with international organizations to promote positive social change. She has written and delivered curricula in over 20 countries about issues such as: gender equality, women’s empowerment, healthy masculinity, HIV prevention, and early and forced childhood marriage. She brings her lens of social change to her debut book, Equal Partners, which addresses gender roles in the American household.

In this episode

5:51 Promoting social change as an expert and a parent.

9:14 Taking the gender equality conversation into the community.

14:02: How gender norms create inequity and limit the potential of one or both partners.

23:29 An illustration of how partners' tasks are typically divided.

37:42 What exactly is the EP40, and what did Dr. Mangino learn from them?

Mentioned

Equal Partners: Improving Gender Equality at Home (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

Down Girl: The Logic of Misogyny (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

Entitled: How Male Privilege Hurts Women (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

Connect with Dr. Kate Mangino

Websites: katemangino.com

Twitter: twitter.com/manginokate

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

In this episode

5:00 The increased domestic violence during the pandemic.

7:02 Dr. Kelley’s “aha!” moment that got her interested in helping people who have experienced trauma.

9:49 Why do people react differently to trauma?

14:38 Signs of a potentially abusive person.

28:50 Significant reasons why people are unable to confront or exit this situation.

38:52 Why highly sensitive people struggle more with decision making.

42:41 How to discern whether or not you should end the relationship and where someone in an abusive relationship can find support.

Mentioned

What I Wish I Knew: Surviving and Thriving After an Abusive Relationship (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

Internal Family Systems Model (*Wikipedia)

Connect with Amelia Kelley

Websites: ameliakelley.com — insighttimer.com/kelleycounseling

Facebook: facebook.com/DrAmeliaKelley/

Twitter: twitter.com/DrAmeliaKelley

Instagram: instagram.com/drameliakelley/

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 337: How ADHD Affects an Intimate Relationship — An Interview With Dr. Ari Tuckman Sep 13, 2022

When ADHD has not been identified, a person with ADHD is often doing the best they can to function. However, they will likely struggle with aspects of executive functioning skills in life. Being in a relationship with someone with ADHD can pose extra challenges in working together as a team, especially when it comes to domestic responsibilities, tasks, and decision making.

In this episode, Dr. Ari Tuckman provides some insight into how ADHD manifests differently in adult men and women, particularly how it affects a couple's sex life. Additionally, he discusses approaches for resolving conflicts as well as tools and resources that both partners with ADHD and those without can utilize.

Ari Tuckman, PsyD, CST, is a psychologist, international speaker, and ADHD expert. He is the author of four books on ADHD, including his most recent book, ADHD After Dark: Better Sex Life, Better Relationship. He volunteers as the conference co-chair for CHADD, the national ADHD advocacy organization. He is in private practice in West Chester, PA.

In this episode

8:11 How Dr. Tuckman became passionate about helping adults with ADHD.

11:52 How each person's experience with ADHD differs.

14:17 ADHD in women vs. men.

18:12 How does ADHD manifest itself in romantic relationships?

22:41 How to make a relationship between people with ADHD work.

29:47 Dr. Tuckman's approach to assisting people with ADHD.

36:03 ADHD and sexual intimacy: effects, tips, and recommendations.

49:04 Tools and resources.

Mentioned

ADHD After Dark: Better Sex Life, Better Relationship (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

Children and Adults with Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (CHADD)

Attention Deficit Disorder Association (ADDA)

ADHD Coaches Organization

Sex needs a new metaphor. Here's one … (*TED Talks)

Connect with Dr. Ari Tuckman

Websites: adultadhdbook.com

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 336: Strengthen Your Relationship With 5 Daily Practices — An Interview with John David & Ana Gabriel Mann Sep 06, 2022

Although co-dependence is often referred to as being unhealthy, to some extent, it is beneficial in marriages. Deeper connections are made when partners lean on one another and give and receive as acts of generosity rather than as acts of service.

In this episode, John David and Ana Gabriel Mann discuss conflict resolution using their five secrets to success, which are condensed versions of their own experiences and expertise and are found in the book they co-authored.

John David Mann is the coauthor of over 30 books, including nine New York Times and national bestsellers. His writing has earned the 2017 Living Now Book Award’s “Evergreen Medal” for its “contribution to positive global change.”

John and Ana have been dreaming about writing “The Go-Giver Marriage” together for two decades.

In this episode

4:29 John and Ana’s love letter to the world.

5:49 What does it mean to be a part of the "us"?

12:59 A description of the book's two main parts.

29:07 Frequently asked questions that Ana poses to couples.

30:50 Replacing criticism with appreciation.

45:21 The distinction between allowing and controlling.

52:01 How the opposing negative patterns prevent you from growing personally.

55:53 Go-Giver’s couples-focused courses and programs.

Mentioned

The Go-Giver Marriage: A Little Story About the Five Secrets to Lasting Love (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

Connect with John David & Ana Gabriel Mann

Website: gogivermarriage.com

Facebook: facebook.com/johndavidmann | facebook.com/anagabrielmann

Twitter: twitter.com/JohnDavidMann | twitter.com/anagabrielMann

LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/johndavidmann | linkedin.com/in/ana-gabriel-mann-a2aa6011

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 335: Understanding How Fear Is Expressed During Conflict — An Interview With Tami Kiekhaefer Aug 30, 2022

There is no such thing as a perfect relationship. No matter how great your relationship with your partner is, conflicts are inevitable, and that is not always a bad thing. Depending on how well you manage them, they can either weaken or strengthen your relationship.

Most people don’t even realize that they are responding to conflicts out of fear. When a problem arises, they automatically arm up to protect themselves, which leaves it unresolved and eventually breeds resentment.

In this episode, Tami Kiekhaefer discusses how fear manifests itself in conflict situations through physical cues and an illustration. Most importantly, she explains how you can apply this knowledge to resolve conflicts in a constructive manner.

Tamara Kiekhaefer, LCSW, has operated her psychotherapy practice since 2002. She provides individual, family, and couple therapy around anxiety, depression, domestic violence, trauma, relationships, and empowerment. Tami is a certified yoga instructor and weaves concepts of holistic therapy into her clinical work. Her first book provides hands-on tools required to work through the past, stabilize the present, and prepare for a loving relationship.

In this episode

4:56 How her divorce equipped Tami help other people even more.

9:40 How she confronted the criticism about her failed relationship while working as a couple’s therapist.

14:34 How fear manifest itself during conflict.

18:29 Physical signs of fear.

24:38 The roots of anxiety.

29:00 The Cone of Fear—a visual representation of the fear of rejection and fear of abandonment.

38:58 How to overcome the fear of rejection and abandonment.

42:33 An overview of her book, Preparing for the Jungle: Avoiding Snakes and Pitfalls on the Path to Healthy Love.

46:56 Learn more about the services she is offering.

Mentioned

Preparing for the Jungle: Avoiding Snakes and Pitfalls on the Path to Healthy Love (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

Cone of Fear

Prepare for the Jungle (online self-paced course)

Shifting Criticism into Connected Communication

Connect with Tami Kiekhaefer

Websites: healthyhealing.net

Facebook: facebook.com/groups/womensempowermenttoolkit | facebook.com/tamikieklcsw

TikTok: tiktok.com/@tamikiek_lcsw

Twitter: twitter.com/tamikiek

Pinterest: pinterest.com/tamikiek/_created

Instagram: instagram.com/tamikieklcsw

LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/tami-kiekhaefer-32298a8

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 334: How to Practice Mindful Intimacy — An Interview With Dr. Jennifer Gunsaullus Aug 23, 2022

Every one of us struggles with something that impacts our relationships. We were raised to believe that whatever we struggle with—be it self-worth, emotions, or body image—is a flaw.

Despite the fact that we are heavily influenced by our society, we are taught that we are all unique individuals who have the power to make our own decisions.

In this episode, Dr. Jennifer Gunsaullus discusses how to recognize our thoughts, beliefs, and emotions as well as how to practice being mindful of them. She urges everyone to venture a little further outside of their comfort zones and develop their mental and emotional fortitude so they can begin to make decisions they never had before.

Jennifer Gunsaullus, PhD, is a sociologist, international intimacy speaker, and relationship and communication coach, and the author of From Madness to Mindfulness: Reinventing Sex for Women. Dr. Jenn has presented two TEDx Talks, co-hosts the podcast Sex Talk with Clint & the Doc, and she has collaborated on projects with Planned Parenthood, the Global YPO Spouse/Partner Network, Erica Lust films, and Dr. Ruth’s Sex for Dummies book.

In this episode

5:50 How Dr. Jen became interested in sexuality and mindfulness.

7:49 Why is mindful intimacy so crucial?

20:43 Obstacles to profound intimacy and how mindfulness overcomes them.

47:48 A practical step you can take to begin engaging in mindful intimacy.

Mentioned

From Madness to Mindfulness: Reinventing Sex for Women (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

Sex Talk with Clint & the Doc Podcast

American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counsellors and Therapists (AASECT)

Sex, Consent, & Gender - A Personal Story about Consent Violation - Sex & the Price of Masculinity

Female sexual shame hurts us all | Jennifer Gunsaullus | TEDx Phoenixville

Connect with Dr. Jennifer Gunsaullus

Website: drjennsden.com

Facebook: facebook.com/jennifer.gunsaullus

Twitter: twitter.com/drjennsden

YouTube: youtube.com/user/drjennsden

Instagram: instagram.com/drjennsden

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/drjenn

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 333: How To Weather A Storm (like an illness) Together In Relationship — An Interview Dr. George and Vanessa Naum Aug 16, 2022

Marriage entails a commitment to support one another through both good and bad times. The traditional vow goes along the lines of, "For better or for worse, in sickness and in health, until death do us part," which means the couple stays together no matter what.

The truth is that most couples hope for a bright future and a long-lasting romantic relationship, but they don't expect or prepare to go through the worse and sickness parts. In reality, it’s not always convenient and easy. The hormones and attraction wear off, and other problems arise.

In this episode, Dr. George and Vanessa Naum sit down and talk about some significant topics that every couple should consider before getting married; how health issues can affect the relationship; and some doable steps couples can take to strengthen their relationship.

Best Friends Again is a physician marriage coaching company helping physicians and healthcare professionals reignite their marriage through a customized approach based on the unique needs of physician and healthcare professional families.

Dr. George and Vanessa Naum’s own battle-tested physician marriage, generational physician family heritage, and expertise from coaching hundreds of marriages off the ledge have paved the way for their revolutionary program: 90 Days to Clarity and Connection, a blueprint for guiding healers in healing their own relationships, saving their families, and enjoying their careers. They believe that you really can have it all.

In this episode

6:30 What Dr. George and Vanessa Naum learned from their own experiences and the inspiration behind their desire to help other couples.

12:37 Things that are significant but rarely discussed before getting married.

34:24 Compassionate intuition as an important ingredient in a healthy marriage.

38:33 How acceptance and suppression of emotions affect a relationship and how Dr. George and Vanessa help couples deal with it.

42:39 The 4 R’s of a committed relationship.

45:36 How health issues can affect relationships.

50:13 Programs and resources for cultivating healthy relationships.

Mentioned

What's Forever For? A Physician's Guide to Everlasting Love and Success in Marriage (FREE chapter of Dr. Jeep’s book)

Connect with Dr. George and Vanessa Naum

Website: BestFriendsAgain.com

Facebook: facebook.com/askdrjeepandvanessa

Twitter: twitter.com/@askdrjeep

LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drgeorgenaum

Instagram: instagram.com/bestfriendsagain

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 332: Healing From Abuse In Relationship — An Interview With Dr. Amelia Kelley Aug 09, 2022

Making the choice to leave an abusive relationship can be one of the most difficult things a person has to do. Without the right resources and support, it would be hard to move on even after you have cut your ties with your abuser.

Being in an abusive relationship causes you to constantly pay more attention to your surroundings than is necessary. So, in this episode, Dr. Amelia Kelley discusses some useful techniques for managing feelings of anxiety, depression, and hypervigilance, as well as how to retrain your body to feel secure in any situation.

Dr. Amelia Kelley is a trauma-informed therapist who has conducted research on the effects of exercise on ADHD symptoms as well as the effects of resiliency on PTSD. She is a trained hypnotherapist, art therapist, HSP Therapist, EMDR-informed therapist, and meditation and yoga teacher. She is a presenter and writer in the “science-help” field, focusing on relationships, highly sensitive people, trauma, motivation, healthy living, and adult ADHD. She is a guest podcast presenter focusing on women’s issues and coping with the trauma of unhealthy relationships, as well as a coach and trainer for SAS's Work/Life Program in Cary, NC, and a resident trainer for the NC Art Therapy Institute. Her practice is also currently part of the Traumatic Stress Research Consortium at the Kinsey Institute.

In this episode

7:18 How to rediscover yourself and rebuild your self-confidence after an abusive relationship.

20:32 Managing feelings of anxiety, stress, and hypervigilance.

40:43 Useful strategies for beginning self-healing.

43:04 A summary of her book, What I Wish I Knew: Surviving and Thriving After an Abusive Relationship and the narrative that inspired it.

Mentioned

What I Wish I Knew: Surviving and Thriving After an Abusive Relationship (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

What I Wish I Knew: Surviving and Thriving After an Abusive Relationship (*Instagram)

High Heels and Heartache Podcast (*Apple podcast)

ERP 321: How to Tell the Difference Between an Abusive Relationship & a Toxic Dynamic — An Interview with Dr. Amelia Kelley

Connect with Amelia Kelley

Websites: ameliakelley.com — insighttimer.com/kelleycounseling

Facebook: facebook.com/DrAmeliaKelley/

Twitter: twitter.com/DrAmeliaKelley

Instagram: instagram.com/drameliakelley/

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 331: How To Move Out Of Power Struggles Into Working Together In Relationship — An Interview With Nate and Kaley Klemp Aug 02, 2022

It is incredible and worth celebrating that this generation is actually the first in all of human history to make an attempt to establish equality in marriage. However, we simply lacked the skills necessary to successfully navigate the terrain of long-lasting intimacy, which led to fights over fairness. While the traditional marriage was wildly unfair, it is worth recognizing that couples were more in partnership, working toward a shared goal.

In this episode, Nate and Kaley Klemp share their insights on various marriage structures and introduce the 80/80 model, a brand-new marriage framework designed to support radical generosity in relationships.

In this episode

3:49 Nate and Kaley's conflict over fairness and the larger sociological point of our generation to establish equality in marriage.

6:22 Recognizing the value of the conventional marriage structure.

11:19 How your mindset and expectations greatly affect our decision-making or how we perceive the other.

14:00 The three components of mindset.

18:35 The 50/50 model and why it is unsustainable.

29:05 How the 80/80 model was developed and how it changed Nate and Kaley’s marriage.

37:51 Easing into radical generosity while minimizing discomfort.

Mentioned

Free Epic Date Night Guide

The 80/80 Marriage: A New Model for a Happier, Stronger Marriage (*Amazon affiliate link) (book)

80/80 Marriage self-guided retreats

80/80 Marriage Newsletter

Start Here: Master the Lifelong Habit of Wellbeing (*Amazon affiliate link) (book)

The 15 Commitments of Conscious Leadership (*Amazon affiliate link) (book)

The Drama-Free Office (*Amazon affiliate link) (book)

13 Guidelines for Effective Teams (*Amazon affiliate link) (book)

Connect with Kaley Klemp

Websites: 8080marriage.com

Facebook: facebook.com/8080Marriage

YouTube: youtube.com/channel/UCpncjN_woj6Xrth0i-bGp7w

Instagram: instagram.com/8080marriage

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 330: How Our Relationships Help Us Grow & Evolve — An Interview With Enrique Delgadillo Jul 26, 2022

A strong relationship requires human connection. Ironically, though, when you seek connection from a place of scarcity, the universe tends to take it away from you. Enrique Delgadillo asserts that the only way to get it is to first find the connection within yourself.

In this episode, Enrique discusses how our thoughts manifest in different areas of our lives. As the law of attraction suggests, where the focus goes, energy flows. We'll take a deep dive into 5D consciousness and discuss how you can change your mindset and apply it to strengthen your relationships.

Enrique is a world-leading specialist in transcendental psychology and is the founder and CEO of Vive Incredible, with a mission to awaken mankind’s ability to live in complete abundance and wealth, beginning from our inner world of thoughts.

With over 100 million views on YouTube and 4 million followers across his social platforms, he aims to elevate the consciousness and wealth of individuals by understanding their unique frequency value, or “Secret Sauce,” that helps them play a bigger game in life and feel more fulfilled as they continue to evolve.

In this episode

5:26 Enrique's incredibly difficult journey of self-evolution.

12:47 Recognizing 5D consciousness or energy and how to use it to determine what you truly need from a romantic partner or relationship.

16:12 Shifting one's perspective to 5D consciousness.

22:18 Distinctions between the need that comes from lack versus preferring those things as experience.

31:21 Various approaches to reaching your higher self.

38:06 Cultivating connection from a scarcity mindset to an abundance mindset.

42:41 Understanding the three levels of connection.

47:51 Words of wisdom.

Mentioned

Navegar En Tiempos de Tormentas (Spanish Edition) (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

Connect with Enrique Delgadillo

Website: go.enriquedelgadillo.com/home

Facebook: facebook.com/viveincreibleintl

YouTube: youtube.com/channel/UC-hjRfCoajsJvMKeSGVtDwA

Instagram: instagram.com/kikedelgadillo/?hl=en

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 329: Specific Ways Of How To Deal With Criticism In Relationship Jul 19, 2022

If you've been listening to the Empowered Relationship Podcast, you've probably heard Dr. Jessica Higgins talk about criticism and how it affects relationships. The goal here is to collaborate with your partner to co-create a fulfilling and passionate relationship. However, leading with criticism can make you or your partner feel defensive or attacked, diverting the entire communication to this criticism defensive loop.

In this episode, Dr. Higgins answers some listener and reader questions about criticism, along with some illustrations to help explain it further. As with many of these podcasts, these are not comprehensive responses, but they do provide some food for thought.

Listeners’ questions:

8:44 “I'd be interested if you have any thoughts or perhaps a podcast around how we listen with or for criticism. I think we sometimes hear what we are feeling in ourselves. Just a thought.”

15:21 “I appreciate this content—it is helpful. However, I am confused about whether you should not help your partner become a better person. Please address this.”

25:28 “I am critical of a part of my girlfriend's body that cannot be changed and don’t want to end the relationship, but it causes me great anxiety. [I] don’t want to leave the relationship, but it is something that may never go away for me internally and it’s making me very unhappy. I really like her in so many other ways and [I] hate this. Do I stay or do I go?”

28:24 “Dr. Higgins. My wife is constantly criticizing me. She never has anything nice to say to me or any praise for anything I do to try and make her happy. Never says thank you or shows any sign of affection to me. It is to a point where I wish I could stop treating her with love and dish out the same stuff she gives me, but I just can’t be like that. I have tried to tell her I would like it ever so often if she could reciprocate the kindness and love I show her, but it is like she doesn’t care about my feelings. We are both in our sixties, and I just don’t think I have the energy to leave this marriage and find someone I can build a new, better relationship with. Plus, I really love her and leaving would be a hard blow to our family. How far do I go?”

35:05 “I have read a lot of articles over the years about this particular issue – criticism, as there is a lot of conflict over this issue in my marriage of 30 years. I feel that I have had to try to exist in a bit of a dysfunctional vacuum, where the fact that her father was an alcoholic, was not allowed to be discussed or acted upon in a way that was healthy for our own family which we were establishing together. If I raised the issue of her father’s behaviour (who is a very charming but also a very manipulative man), or how that might have affected the way she and I relate and communicate, my efforts were labelled as “critical”.

I tried over the years, many different approaches to these communications, but they generally ended in the same way, namely in an argument, resulting in her withdrawing herself from me, for a few days, then her cooling off and eventually her acknowledging the problem and apologising, but only so that the conflict could end. Unfortunately, this apology was forgotten a week later, and we often found ourselves in the same place a month or two later. I called it Groundhog Day, because of the familiar cycle.

My wife appeared to be prepared to do anything to avoid the accountability of acknowledging, communicating about and addressing the dysfunctional behaviour within her own family, and with it, avoiding accountability for her own denial of her own behaviour. This repetitive cycle eventually became a power struggle, in which her final weapon was to doubt our marriage, and my character, and whether she could remain in the marriage. It was an ultimatum that if I chose to raise these ‘uncomfortable” issues, I would have to face that I was not important enough to her, for her to authentically discuss or address these issues. Part of the behaviour I have consistently observed is her extreme avoidance of conflict (which was the same way her father avoided any scrutiny for his own behaviour).

My question is, when there is a problematic (dysfunctional) behaviour, that needs to be addressed between a couple, and despite every effort to raise the issue constructively, empathetically, gently, using I words etc etc the communication seems to deteriorate, because the real motivation is to avoid the issue altogether and hope it disappears into “fantasy land”. The excuse is that the avoidance is justified because the communication is critical in nature, and while I know that some people view all criticism as problematic, surely there is necessary constructive criticism that is not directed as a “character flaw” of another person?”

Mentioned

Shifting Criticism For Connected Communication (free guide)

Shifting Criticism – Empowered Relationship (course)

How to Know If You Are Too Critical in Relationship & Why (article)

https://drjessicahiggins.com/criticism-reconnect/ (podcast, articles on the topic of criticism)

https://drjessicahiggins.com/erp-177-how-to-offer-comfort-to-your-significant-other/ (podcast)

https://drjessicahiggins.com/erp-178-how-to-offer-comfort-to-your-significant-other-part-two/ (podcast)

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 328: How To Know If You Are Reacting Out Of Fear In Relationship — An Interview With Tracy Crossley Jul 12, 2022

Before the age of two, children seek unconditional love, but not a lot of parents are able to provide it, resulting in unmet needs, fear of rejection, and fear of dying. These childhood experiences can now manifest as fears and sabotage your current relationships. That’s what Tracy Crossley realized after a series of dysfunctional relationships.

In this episode, Tracy talks about insecure attachment, how it can interfere with your relationships, and most importantly, how to break free from this vicious cycle and have a happy and empowered relationship.

Tracy Crossley is a Behavioral Relationship Expert, author, and podcast host who specializes in treating individuals with unhealthy life and relationship patterns. Tracy helps clients transform impostor syndrome, insecure attachment, and negative belief systems, breaking the cycle of narcissistic damage, destructive self-talk, and more.

With a background in psychology and an innate emotional intuition, which draws from her own personal experience, Tracy shows her clients how to permanently change the repetition of unhealthy, unhappy, and unfulfilled cycles, both personally and professionally.

In this episode

5:19 Tracy's lightbulb moment following a series of failed relationships.

11:13 Getting out of the insecure attachment loop.

17:42 How your emotional armor is limiting you.

21:01 What to do when you're in an uncomfortable or anxious situation.

30:48 Ways to overcome your fears.

46:53 Learn more about Tracy’s work and programs to help you overcome your fears.

Mentioned

The Method

Mastery

Overcoming Insecure Attachment! 8 Proven Steps to Recognizing Anxious and Avoidant Attachment Styles and Building Healthier, Happier Relationships (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

Connect with Tracy Crossley

Websites: tracycrossley.com

Facebook: facebook.com/TransformativeCoach

YouTube: youtube.com/c/TracyCrossley/videos

Instagram: instagram.com/tracylcrossley/?hl=en

TikTok: tiktok.com/@tracylcrossley?lang=en

Podcast: Freedom from Attachment

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 327: How The Conflict With Your Partner Is Not Personal — An Interview With Dr. Michael and Dr. Barbara Grossman Jul 05, 2022

We all know that disagreements are an inevitable part of every relationship, but would you agree that they are not personal? According to Drs. Michael and Barbara Grossman, conflicts between partners are not personal but rather part of a healthy development process.

In this episode, they share their own experiences, struggles, and attempts to figure out how to keep their relationship thriving as well as the skills they learned from different mentors that ultimately inspired them to support couples going through these transitions in their relationships.

For over twenty-five years, Drs. Michael and Barbara Grossman have taught thousands of couples practical skills to create a fulfilling romantic partnership. They have made TV appearances on CBS, NBC, Fox, and CW. They share powerful secrets to having a fulfilling long-term romantic partnership with a genuine love that lasts forever through all the phases of life.

In this episode

7:04 What Dr. Michael and Barbara learned in their 50 years of marriage.

11:32 Understanding why our developmental paths are not on the same timeline and how that relates to the power struggle stage.

23:59 The foundation of a healthy and long-lasting romantic relationship.

30:39 How marriage has evolved over the last 150 years, as well as some important relationship skills you can learn through ballroom dancing.

38:55 Final golden nuggets of advice.

Mentioned

The Marriage Map: The Road to Transforming Your Marriage From Ordeal to Adventure (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

The Magic of Stem Cells: Activating Your Own Healing Power: How to Avoid Surgery and Rejuvenate Your Body (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

AGELESS LOVE: The Sexy Science of Falling in Love Forever - Prescriptions for Mind, Body and Spirit (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

Connect with Dr. Michael and Dr. Barbara Grossman

Website: fallinginloveforever.com

Facebook: facebook.com/themarriagemap

YouTube: youtube.com/channel/UCv5BQU8rcraNzjzsA4LxzKA

Affiliate Link: fallinginloveforever.idevaffiliate.com/signup.php

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 326: What Is Sexual Enlightenment & How It Can Support Your Love & Relationship — An Interview With Dr. Elsbeth Meuth and Freddy Zental Weaver Jun 28, 2022

Frequencies such as WiFi and radio are all around us. Although our brains are not equipped to see or hear these, we know that they exist. In the same way, frequency, also known as lifeforce energy, runs through our bodies at all times.

In this episode, Dr. Elsbeth Meuth and Freddy Zental Weaver discuss how to work consciously with the lifeforce of sexual energy as a transformational vehicle to make deeper and more meaningful connections not only in romantic relationships but also in other aspects of life.

Dr. Elsbeth Meuth and Freddy Zental Weaver have assisted thousands of couples and singles create lasting intimacy and fulfillment in their life and relationships. They are featured on Showtime’s documentary series Sexual Healing and the Emmy Award-winning NBC show Starting Over, best-selling authors of Sexual Enlightenment endorsed by world-renowned Spiritual Pioneer Dr. Michael Beckwith and the co-founders of TantraNova Institute in Chicago.

Elsbeth and Freddy Zental are beloveds, husband & wife as well as business partners residing in Chicago.

In this episode

7:18 How Elsbeth and Freddy came to share their intimacy and love message.

12:38 Elsbeth's quest for fulfillment led her to the Tantric intimacy journey.

20:39 How sexual enlightenment benefit individuals and couples, and how it manifests in various areas of one's life.

25:21 Understanding how energy flows in our bodies.

50:08 Workshops and products to assist individuals and couples on their journey.

51:31 Final words of wisdom.

Mentioned

Sexual Enlightenment: How to Create Lasting Fulfillment in Life, Love, and Intimacy (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

Sustaining Masculine Pleasure

Awaken to Your Feminine Essence

Secrets to Lasting Intimacy

Connect with Dr. Elsbeth Meuth and Freddy Zental Weaver

Websites: tantranova.com

Facebook: facebook.com/TantraNova

Twitter: twitter.com/TantraNova

YouTube: youtube.com/channel/UCKincrF-VHfsabcIvsbQEhQ

Instagram: instagram.com/tantranova_institute

LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/elsbethmeuth

Pinterest: pinterest.com/elsbethfreddy/tantranova

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 325: Can Prodependency Improve Our Understanding Of Codependency In Relationship? — An Interview With Dr. Robert Weiss Jun 21, 2022

People who care for loved ones suffering from addiction or mental health issues are frequently labeled and even pathologized as part of the problematic and addictive cycle. Dr. Robert Weiss would like to honor, validate, and acknowledge the love and effort of these people who choose to stick around and help their loved ones get better, whether or not they are doing it correctly, because the truth is that most of us are not trained to assist someone who is dealing with these issues.

In this episode, Dr. Weiss gives context for codependency and its significance around addiction, as well as the new concept of Prodependence, a less stigmatizing way of looking at and treating addicts' loved ones that is rapidly replacing this model.

Robert Weiss Ph.D., LCSW is Chief Clinical Officer of Seeking Integrity LLC, working with sex, porn, and substance/sex addicted men. He is the author of 10 books, including Prodependence, Sex Addiction 101, and Out of the Doghouse. His Psychology Today blog, Love and Sex in the Digital Age, has over 20 million readers to date, and his podcast, Sex, Love, & Addiction, has more than 600,000 downloads since its inception in 2019.

In this episode

12:17 Dr. Robert Weiss and his incredible passion for educating people.

14:13 Why Dr. Weiss disagrees with the codependency model.

23:15 Codependency versus Prodependency, particularly in intimate relationships.

29:37 Recognizing people's love and effort in caring for loved ones with addiction and mental health issues.

39:30 Understanding why some people become addicted to alcohol, drugs, or whatever substance they prefer.

46:48 Why is it vital to change one's perspective when working with loved ones?

53:45 How to connect with Dr. Weiss.

Mentioned

Prodependence: Beyond the Myth of Codependency, Revised Edition (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

Connect with Dr. Weiss

Websites: seekingintegrity.com — sexandrelationshiphealing.com

Facebook: facebook.com/SexandHealing

Twitter: twitter.com/robweissmsw — twitter.com/SexandHealing

LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/sexaddictionspecialist

Podcast: Sex, Love, and Addiction

Blog: Love and Sex in the Digital Age (*Psychology Today)

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 324: How To Get More Aligned In Parenting To Strengthen Your Marriage & Family — An Interview With Nellie Harden Jun 14, 2022

Different factors, such as social, political, and cultural, influence parenting styles. While one parent may be more concerned with their child's sense of agency, whereas the other might be more attentive to their child's sense of feeling supported. These differences can pose conflicts that not only confuse children about how to behave and what to expect in response but can also destroy a marriage and a family.

In this episode, Nellie Harden discusses these differences further, as well as how parents can align their parenting styles to strengthen not only their marriage but also to equip their children with the confidence, respect, and wisdom they need to go out into the world as their unique and amazing selves.

Nellie is a Family Life & Leadership Coach who focuses on helping parents eliminate power struggles with their daughters and help them grow into confident, wise, and respectful young women that are actually ready for the world!

She is a wife and mom to four daughters, an author, speaker, podcaster, a homeschooling parent, and an adventure chaser and believes in a life of intention and making dreams and goals realities. She knows that the best way to help the world is through one living room at a time!

In this episode

6:20 Two significant events that awakened Nellie's sense of purpose.

13:37 The egocentric nature of children and how parents can help them have positive confidence and self-esteem.

20:23 Conflicts over parenting styles and decisions and how to deal with them.

31:47 Honoring and respecting both parents' core beliefs and getting the right balance.

38:13 How to identify and choose the right path towards growth.

42:04 Tips for strengthening family bonds.

Mentioned

Ignite Her Joy Workshop: 5 Steps to Grow Your Daughter’s Self-Esteem During the Tween and Teen Years

Map to Maturity

Connect with Nellie Harden

Websites: nellieharden.com

Facebook: facebook.com/groups/the6570project

Instagram: instagram.com/nellieharden

Podcast: The 6570 Family Project

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 323: One Of The Most Important Relationship Skills - Being Relational — An Interview With Terry Real Jun 07, 2022

It's amazing how couples can function as two distinct individuals in a relationship. Maintaining your own identity while encouraging your partner's interests and personal goals is gold. On the other hand, individual independence can be toxic too. It can make you feel like you're competing with your spouse, getting into a power struggle, and everything else that comes from these two individual perspectives.

In this episode, Terry Real encourages us to consider the consequences of approaching a relationship from a toxic individualism perspective and how critical it is to shift to a relational mindset as he shares some actionable steps from his new book, Us: Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving Relationship.

Terry Real is an internationally recognized family therapist, speaker, and author. He founded the Relational Life Institute, offering workshops for couples, individuals, and parents, along with a professional training program for clinicians to learn his Relational Life Therapy methodology. He is the bestselling author of I Don't Want to Talk About It, How Can I Get Through to You?, and The New Rules of Marriage: What You Need to Know to Make Love Work.

In this episode

9:18 The inspiration behind the book, Us: Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving Relationship.

12:42 What is toxic individualism and how does it affect relationships?

20:14 How to make the transition from automatic response to conscious communication?

23:52 How to empower your relationship.

46:00 Key takeaways.

Mentioned

Us: Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving Relationship (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

I Don't Want to Talk About It: Overcoming the Secret Legacy of Male Depression (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

How Can I Get Through to You? Closing the Intimacy Gap Between Men and Women (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

The New Rules of Marriage: What You Need to Know to Make Love Work (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

Connect with Terry Real

Websites: terryreal.com — relationallife.com

Facebook: facebook.com/TerryRealRLI

YouTube: youtube.com/user/TerryRealRLI/feed

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 322: How To Develop Empowered Love — An Interview with Linda Bloom May 31, 2022

There are a lot of moving parts in relationships, such as your background, having children, career, previous relationships, and so on. So, how can you cultivate a more secure and intimate relationship with your partner? Should you lower your standards and expectations in order to avoid disappointment? Linda Bloom strongly disagrees with this notion.

In this episode, Linda talks about how she and her husband took their relationship to the next level after a five-year irreconcilable difference gridlock and how they are now helping other couples cultivate an empowered relationship.

Linda Bloom, L.C.S.W., is a psychotherapist and marriage counselor who teaches relationship workshops. She is the co-author of four books including the best-selling 101 Things I Wish I Knew When I Got Married (over 100,000 copies sold). She is a regular teacher at Esalen Institute and Kripalu, with over 600 blogs on Psychology Today with over 10 million hits, and over 100 videos on her YouTube channel.

In this episode

6:45 Linda and her husband's journey to becoming an empowered couple that inspires other couples.

10:01 What true empowerment entails.

13:42 Limiting beliefs that keep people from gently and consistently co-creating a highly romantic relationship.

18:52 Lowering expectations versus encouraging one another to become their best selves.

22:37 Traits and characteristics of couples who have empowered relationships.

33:16 How to manage differences: the growth mindset.

40:45 Finding psychosocial support.

Mentioned

Link to 3 free e-books: An End to Arguing, The Ten Biggest Things We've Learned Since We Got Married, and Your Guide to Great Sex.

101 Things I Wish I Knew When I Got Married: Simple Lessons to Make Love Last (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

Secrets of Great Marriages: Real Truth from Real Couples about Lasting Love (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

Happily Ever After... and 39 Other Myths about Love: Breaking Through to the Relationship of Your Dreams (book)

ERP 013: Balancing Intimacy and Autonomy in Relationship

ERP 297: How to Enhance Emotional Intimacy in Your Relationship in Your Relationship – An Interview with Amber Dalsin

ERP 300: How to Set Your Relationship Up for Success

ERP 100: Three Building Blocks For A Conscious Intimate Relationship

Shifting Criticism for Connected Communication

Connect with Linda Bloom

Website: bloomwork.com

Facebook: facebook.com/lindaandcharliebloom

Twitter: twitter.com/bloomwork

YouTube: youtube.com/channel/UCV3lPZs0gRNYCTQ6vgz4Q6Q

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 321: How To Tell The Difference Between An Abusive Relationship & A Toxic Dynamic — An Interview With Dr. Amelia Kelley May 24, 2022

Conflicts are opportunities to learn more about your partner, and depending on how you handle them, they can either bring you closer together or lead to a toxic dynamic, or worse, an abusive relationship. If it's the latter, how do you determine whether to stay or leave the relationship?

While some people recognize that they should leave an unhealthy relationship early on, others choose to stay. Dr. Amelia Kelley shed some light on why these people aren't making the same decision. She also discusses warning signs of abuse or potential abuse, as well as how to empower someone in an abusive relationship to stop this dynamic, find support, and heal from trauma.

Dr. Amelia Kelley is a trauma-informed therapist who has conducted research on the effects of exercise on ADHD symptoms as well as the effects of resiliency on PTSD. She is a trained Hypnotherapist, Art therapist, HSP Therapist, EMDR-informed therapist, and meditation and yoga teacher. She is a presenter and writer in the “science-help” field focusing on relationships, Highly Sensitive Persons, trauma, motivation, healthy living, and adult ADHD. She is a guest podcast presenter focusing on women’s issues and coping with the trauma of unhealthy relationships, as well as a coach and trainer for SAS's Work/Life Program in Cary, NC, and a resident trainer for the NC Art Therapy Institute. Her practice is also currently part of the Traumatic Stress Research Consortium at the Kinsey Institute.

In this episode

5:00 The increased domestic violence during the pandemic.

7:02 Dr. Kelley’s “aha!” moment that got her interested in helping people who have experienced trauma.

9:49 Why do people react differently to trauma?

14:38 Signs of a potentially abusive person.

28:50 Significant reasons why people are unable to confront or exit this situation.

38:52 Why highly sensitive people struggle more with decision making.

42:41 How to discern whether or not you should end the relationship and where someone in an abusive relationship can find support.

Mentioned

What I Wish I Knew: Surviving and Thriving After an Abusive Relationship (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

Internal Family Systems Model (*Wikipedia)

Connect with Amelia Kelley

Websites: ameliakelley.com — insighttimer.com/kelleycounseling

Facebook: facebook.com/DrAmeliaKelley/

Twitter: twitter.com/DrAmeliaKelley

Instagram: instagram.com/drameliakelley/

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 320: How To Evolve Family Lineage Patterns To Support Your Relationship — An Interview With Judy Wilkins-Smith May 17, 2022

One of the benefits of knowing your family history is that it can help develop a strong sense of who you are, but did you know that it can also reveal some dysfunctional patterns that may be affecting your relationships?

If you're having difficulties and/or feel stuck, ask yourself the following questions:

What was the pattern?
Who else in the family system was stuck?
Am I borrowing that pattern from them?
Is it costing me or serving me?
What is my destiny with this pattern when I take it on?

It's worth noting that if you notice patterns that you tend to replicate over and over again, it's possible that your mother, father, grandmother, grandfather, or other family members did as well.

The good news is that revealing these patterns could help you stop these particular problematic patterns that have been repeated in the family for generations.

In this episode, Judy Wilkins-Smith discusses Family Constellation work, a therapeutic intervention used by therapists to gain insight into a client's family history, dynamics, and potentially dysfunctional patterns, as well as some resources to help you get started on your own journey.

Judy Wilkins-Smith is a highly regarded organizational, individual, and family patterns expert. A systemic executive coach, trainer, facilitator, thought partner, and motivational speaker, she has 18 years of expertise in assisting high-performance individuals, Fortune 500 executives, and legacy families to end limiting cycles and reframe challenges into lasting breakthroughs and peak performance. Passionate about visionary leadership and positive, accelerated, global change, Judy uses her ability to understand systems and patterns to create growth and success.

In this episode

10:23 Understanding what the Family Constellation is and how they affect you.

22:07 A real-life example of someone in a relationship who is repeating a similar pattern.

33:00 Discover the wow version of yourself in a practical and logical manner that you can apply and use on a daily basis.

43:48 Developing a purpose and staying on track.

Mentioned

Decoding Your Emotional Blueprint: A Powerful Guide to Transformation Through Disentangling Multigenerational Patterns (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

Capability & Resilience DNA (Upcoming Event)

Emotional DNA (Upcoming Event)

Connect with Judy Wilkins-Smith

Websites: judywilkins-smith.com

Facebook: facebook.com/judywilkinssmith

Instagram: instagram.com/judywilkinssmith/

LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/judywilkinssmith

Youtube:youtube.com/channel/UC2deofVCmw7Fxdq866SpJbQ

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 319: What To Do When Having Fantasies About Someone Else? May 10, 2022

Many professionals believe that fantasy is perfectly normal and harmless. They can be a reliable source of comfort, stimulation, escape, or relief. It can also be used to address long-standing relational needs and activate unconscious feelings of loss and emptiness.

Unfortunately, people who utilize sexual fantasy as a primary coping mechanism may become disconnected from reality. Fantasies can be so addictive and compelling that they impair one's ability to be present in a relationship. And that's exactly what one of our listeners has been going through.

In this episode, we look at how fantasies can reveal unmet needs and how to break the cycle, increasing your chances of experiencing supportive connections that cultivate the experience of intimacy and togetherness.

Here’s listener B’s question:

“My partner and I have been in a relationship for 10+ years - he was severely depressed at the beginning of COVID lockdowns due to job loss and medical issues. Because of this, our already minor codependency habits became incredibly magnified. Taking care of him and trying to 'fix' him became my entire life, while that only resulted in him feeling more worthless. This lasted for 2 years.

During that time, I would often fantasize about another life, about being with someone else (unfortunately a friend of ours took that form in my thoughts), or just being single in general. It was an escape to feel somewhat good for a moment.

In the past few months, however, things have changed quite dramatically (new medications for us both, new job offers) and it's all for the better! He's made significant improvements mentally and in his commitment to our relationship as well.

...So why doesn't it feel better? I still have the fantasy thoughts even though I don't want to, and on off days when I feel anxious or depressed, I convince myself that I shouldn't keep trying and it would be kinder to him to end it (which I have tried to do twice now)

I do deal with some obsessive thinking and am medicated for ADHD - but how do I break this hurtful cycle? How do I get myself to realize we're in a good spot again, and that I don't need to rely on the coping mechanisms I developed when they weren't?”

In this episode

6:18 When does a normal fantasy become unhealthy?

13:29 How fantasies can affect your relationship.

21:17 What do your fantasies reveal about you.

Mentioned

Us: Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving Relationship (book)

Healthy Lust vs. Unhealthy Lust

ERP 316: How to Recognize & Deal with Emotional Immaturity — An Interview with Dr. Eddie Capparucci

ERP 286: How to Know If You Experience Limerence & What to Do About It – An Interview with Dr. L

ERP 105: How to Deal With Limerence in Relationship

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 318: How To Co-Create Lasting Love After Previously Failed Relationships — An Interview With Natasha McCrea May 03, 2022

Most of us hope to find that one true love that would stand the test of time but that is not the case for everyone. Some people jump from one relationship to the next without fully understanding why the previous ones failed in the first place.

If the majority of the people you've dated turned out to be cheaters or abusers, you may be wondering what is wrong with you? Most importantly, how do you break free from these negative relational patterns?

In this episode, we'll dive into understanding why you keep attracting the same type of people in your life and how you can use your past experiences as teachable moments in finding the love that you truly deserve.

Natasha is the Founder of Love CEO Institute, a personal development company for women. As a recovered love addict, Natasha has seen and experienced self-doubting, a negative mindset, and an imbalance in work and life that keeps women from reaching their greatest potential. Through the development of her one-woman show, “Evolution of a Love Addict,” several years of counseling, and serial entrepreneurship, Natasha turned her life around and elevated herself from love addict to Love CEO.

In this episode

7:10 How she became the person she wished she had 15 years ago.

14:55 A painful moment in her life that turned her into a love addict.

19:55 A new perspective on love and dating.

30:35 What exactly is love addiction, and how do you show yourself love?

36:09 What she discovered in her research that she is now applying to her new relationship.

45:42 Key pieces of advice for women who are going through the same difficulties.

Mentioned

Evolution of a Love Addict: A Love Affair Between the Pages

Free 5-Day Self-Care Workshop

Evolution of a Love Addict

Connect with Natasha McCrea

Websites: natashaMcCrea.com ⁠— loveceocommunity.mn.co

Facebook: facebook.com/TheRealNatashaMcCrea

Twitter: twitter.com/natashamccrea

Instagram: instagram.com/natashamccrea

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 317: How To Develop Six Capacities To Soulful Love — An Interview With Dr. Chelsea Wakefield Apr 26, 2022

Every relationship goes through five developmental stages. The first stage is typically the romance stage, also known as the honeymoon stage. However, as you become more acquainted with your significant other, you will begin to notice some differences between you and your partner. Then, as either of you attempts to return to the early ideal phase or pushes forward into some imagined future that neither you nor your partner agreed to, a power struggle may occur.

In this episode, we'll look at each developmental stage, as well as some skills you can learn to cultivate a long-lasting relationship.

Dr. Chelsea Wakefield is a couples therapist and Associate Professor at the University of Arkansas for Medical Sciences where she is the Director of the Couples Center. She is a popular keynote speaker and workshop leader, trains practitioners worldwide, and offers online programs in her unique approach to relationship transformation. Dr. Wakefield is the author of three books, her recent release is entitled The Labyrinth of Love – the Path to a Soulful Relationship.

In this episode

4:53 What she learned from her parents' challenges, which resulted in their 30-year marriage ending in divorce.

8:53 Understanding the road map of intimate relationships, from enchantment to disenchantment.

14:20 Six crucial love capacities that partners must cultivate.

20:50 Recommendations for when you feel a surge of reactivity.

30:13 Communication techniques that can help people slow down.

42:35 Learn more about how Dr. Chelsea Wakefield can assist you.

Mentioned

The Labyrinth Of Love: The Path to a Soulful Relationship (Amazon affiliate link*) (book)

Negotiating the Inner Peace Treaty: Becoming the Person You Were Born to Be (Amazon affiliate link*) (book)

Ineffective Behaviors Partners Use To Cope Ellyn Bader (pdf file)

Negotiating the Inner Peace Treaty: Becoming the Person You Were Born to Be

The Roadmap of Intimate Relationships

Challenging Choice Points for Using the Initiator-Inquirer Process

What is Imago Relationship Therapy?

The Dialogue Therapy

Connect with Dr. Chelsea Wakefield

Websites: chelseawakefield.com

Facebook: facebook.com/ChelseaWakefieldPhD

Podcast: podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/love-in-the-time-of-covid/id1507998764

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 316: How To Recognize & Deal With Emotional Immaturity — An Interview With Dr. Eddie Capparucci Apr 19, 2022

Growing up, men are taught, either directly or indirectly, that showing emotion is a sign of weakness, and that if they do, they will be mocked. Vulnerable is almost a derogatory term for men. As a result, the vast majority of men have low emotional IQ, which correlates with low relational IQ because we need that emotional component to make the relationship more vibrant and exciting.

In this episode, Dr. Eddie Capparucci will elaborate the root cause of the problem behind the behaviour and how he exclusively assists men in identifying and addressing these issues.

Dr. Eddie Capparucci is a licensed counselor and coach, certified in treating Problematic Sexual Behaviors, and is the creator of the Inner Child Model for the treatment of sex/porn addiction. Eddie has worked with professional athletes and television personalities. He is the author of several books including Going Deeper: How the Inner Child Impacts Your Sexual Addiction and Why Men Struggle to Love: Overcoming Relational Blind Spots.

In this episode

7:24 Dr. Eddie Capparucci’s inspiration in helping men with problematic sexual behaviors.

11:24 The correlation between low emotional IQ and low relational IQ.

12:52 The root of all addiction.

15:55 Encouraging men to identify and express their emotions.

17:49 What causes character defects and how to deal with them.

28:41 The blind spots that prevent men from bonding emotionally.

33:51 How he is helping men explore their unresolved childhood pain points.

41:50 Hide and Lie.

44:56 Resources and tools to help men.

Mentioned

Going Deeper: How the Inner Child Impacts Your Sexual Addiction: The Road to Recovery Goes Through Your Childhood Paperback (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

Why Men Struggle to Love: Overcoming Relational Blind Spots *Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

Connect with Dr. Eddie Capparucci

Websites: innerchild-sexaddiction.com, strugglingmen.org

LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/capparucci

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 315: How To Increase Your Comfort In Sexual Communication — An Interview With Dr. Tara Apr 12, 2022

Sexual infidelity is one of the biggest issues in long-term relationships and failing to address it will only make the problem worse.

Most people find sexual communication difficult. It's easy to believe that we can’t do it because we just don’t have the necessary resources to do so. We understand the importance of communication, but how do we become more comfortable with it?

In this episode, Dr. Tara teaches us how to boost sexual communication comfort as she shares her personal journey from several monogamous relationships and unfulfilling sex to being a sexually powerful woman.

Dr. Tara is a tenured professor of relational and sexual communication at California State University Fullerton, an award-winning researcher, a relationship coach at luvbites.co, and a podcast host at Luvbites by Dr. Tara. She recently gave a TEDx Talk titled Become Sexually Powerful that highlights her 5,000-participant study examining factors that predict sexual satisfaction, and her journey from a sexually anxious girl from Thailand to a sexually confident woman.

In this episode

5:02 Her transition from being a sexually anxious girl into a sexually powerful woman.

13:16 The two sides of sexual communication.

18:08 Why do people engage in affairs rather than fix their sexual undesirable issues and how important is sexual communication.

24:28 Dr. Tara’s top five favorite sexual communication practices.

35:09 Our need for affectionate touch explained.

Mentioned

Become Sexually Powerful

ERP 314: How To Work Through The Complexities Of Sexual Desire In Relationship — An Interview Martha Kauppi

Luvbites by Dr. Tara (*podcast)

The Outlander Series

Connect with Dr. Tara

Websites: luvbites.co

TikTok: tiktok.com/@luvbites.co

LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/tarasuwin

YouTube: youtube.com/channel/UCrbW6PCKjgcxkq3dTvjjeyQ

Instagram: instagram.com/luvbites.co

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 314: How To Work Through The Complexities Of Sexual Desire In Relationship — An Interview Martha Kauppi Apr 05, 2022

Most of us know something about reproductive health yet almost nobody knows anything about pleasure. Pleasure is frequently associated with sex and like sex, it's an uncomfortable subject to discuss for a lot of people. But it is so much more than that.

In this episode, we cover some of the reasons why we don't experience pleasure in our lives and how to work through these complexities of sexual desire in your relationships as Martha Kauppi creates a safe learning environment for this delicate subject.

Martha Kauppi is a marriage and family therapist, educator, author, speaker, and AASECT-certified sex therapist and supervisor. She has a lifelong career in health and sexuality and is a senior trainer of the Developmental Model of Couples Therapy. Martha trains therapists all over the world to work more effectively with relational intimacy challenges and sex issues. She is the author of the groundbreaking new book Polyamory: A Clinical Toolkit for Therapists (and Their Clients). (Self-help manual for Strong emotional intimacy.)

In this episode

5:04 Martha’s desire to educate therapists about sex issues.

14:13 How to enter a space where desire could flourish without feeling stuck in it.

17:17 How multiple systems work together and align in order for desire to happen and thrive.

23:01 Creating a safe haven for creative curiosity, flexibility, and connection.

35:35 Scheduled sex versus goal-oriented sex.

37:49 Some helpful resources to learn more about sexual desires.

Mentioned

Handling Sexual Challenges Like A Rockstar

Polyamory: A Clinical Toolkit for Therapists (and Their Clients) (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

ERP 287: How To Engage in the Art of Giving and Receiving: Using the Wheel of Consent — An Interview with Dr. Betty Martin

Connect with Martha Kauppi

Websites: instituteforrelationalintimacy.com

Facebook: facebook.com/martha.kauppi

LinkedIn: linkedin.com/company/institute-for-relational-intimacy

YouTube: youtube.com/c/MarthaKauppiLMFTIRI

Instagram: instagram.com/martha_kauppi

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 313: How To Become A Successful Blended Family — An Interview With Ron Deal Mar 29, 2022

Are you one of the three Americans who have a step relationship today? Demographers expect that one out of every two Americans will be in a step relationship at some point in their lives.

It's not easy being a part of a blended family. There are way too many factors to take into account. In fact, external step-family-related variables generate a high divorce rate in the US.

It might be a lengthy and difficult process, but it is not impossible to succeed with the right mindset, guidance, and resources. And that's exactly what Ron Deal discusses in this episode. We'll go over what to expect, what activities you can do, resources, and advice for raising a healthy blended family.

Ron L. Deal is one of the most widely read and viewed experts on blended families in the country. He is Director of FamilyLife Blended® for FamilyLife®, founder of Smart Stepfamilies™, and the author and Consulting Editor of the Smart Stepfamily Series of books including the bestselling Building Love Together in Blended Families: The 5 Love Languages® and Becoming Stepfamily Smart (with Dr. Gary Chapman), The Smart Stepfamily: 7 Steps to a Healthy Family, and Preparing to Blend.

Ron is a licensed marriage and family therapist, popular conference speaker, and host of the FamilyLife Blended podcast.

In this episode

7:38 Ron's motivation for a career in marriage and family therapy.

13:00 What you need to know about blended families.

19:55 A visual map to help you navigate the blended family territory.

36:06 Some growth activities that you can try.

45:04 How to get smart and guide your family forward in the right direction.

Mentioned

Preparing to Blend: The Couple's Guide to Becoming a Smart Stepfamily (*Amazon affiliate link) (book)

Building Love Together in Blended Families: The 5 Love Languages and Becoming Stepfamily Smart (*Amazon affiliate link) (book)

FamilyLife Blended® Podcast Connect with Ron Deal

Website: familylife.com/familylifeblended/blended-families

Facebook: facebook.com/familylifeministry

Twitter: twitter.com/familylifetoday

YouTube: youtube.com/channel/UC7WmdqnETL3gCmWruBF0tpQ

Instagram: instagram.com/familylifeinsta

Pinterest: pinterest.com/familylifeministry

Website: smartstepfamilies.com

Facebook: facebook.com/SmartStepfamilies

Twitter: twitter.com/RonLDeal

YouTube: youtube.com/user/FamilyLifeBlended

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 312: How To Keep Your Relationship Passion Alive & Hot — An Interview With Emily Pereira Mar 22, 2022

Sex is an expression of our love and passion with our significant other but over time our desire for it tends to fade away. According to Esther Perel, what makes sex really hot is the mystery. However, when we enter long-term partnerships, we lose that mystery.

We understand the importance of maintaining sex in a long-term relationship, yet it's frequently a taboo subject to discuss. So, in this episode, Emily Pereira will share her story, knowledge, and effective practices that foster openness and transformation that can lead to a more intimate relationship.

Emily Pereira is an International retreat leader, yoga teacher, and women’s coach —coined by her clients as the “Relationship Whisperer”. After 13 years of intensive and extensive spiritual training and exploration, she has amassed a treasure trove of astonishing wisdom + powerful practices. She’s used these to heal her own love story and transform her life. Over the years, she’s had the honor of helping hundreds of women ignite their intimate, heart-thumping, passionate, I got-your-back-no-matter-what love, and build the family and lifestyle of their dreams.

In this episode

4:48 The inspiration behind Emily’s desire for helping couples rekindle their intimate relationships.

9:47 The importance of creating a new version of yourself that you can bring back to the relationship.

17:21 How to overcome the fear of trying something new.

19:50 Advice for people who don't even know what they want sexually.

38:20 About the programs that Emily offers to help couples ignite their intimate relationships with their partners.

Mentioned

The Quest (*Amazon affiliate link) (book)

Legendary Lovership

The Quest for Love Academy

7 Day Goddess Cleanse

Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence by Esther Perel (*Amazon affiliate link) (book)

Connect with Emily Pereira

Websites: emilypereira.com/about

Facebook: facebook.com/bethebeginner

Instagram: instagram.com/emily_begins

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 311: How To Understand What Love Is & How To Keep It Alive — An Interview With Kimberly Holmes Mar 15, 2022

Many people have this fairy tale view of love in which there is always passion, a lot of sex and everything feels wonderful. It may appear that way at the start of the relationship but once the infatuation stage wears off, the reality sets in. You'll then realize your partner isn't as perfect as you thought. So, what comes next?

In this episode, Kimberly Holmes gives an in-depth explanation of the three components of love and the four stages of the love path, as well as some actionable steps you can take to keep the fire burning in your relationship.

Kimberly Beam Holmes has applied her master’s degree in psychology for over 10 years, acting as the CEO of Marriage Helper & CEO and Host of her own podcast, It Starts with Attraction, being a wife and mother herself, and researching the ways that attraction affects people personally and the relationships that they hold dear.

She is currently working on her Ph.D. in psychology. Kimberly lives in Franklin, Tennessee with her husband, Rob, and two beautiful children from India.

In this episode

4:13 Kimberly defines love and talks about a framework to falling in love.

6:04 The three components of love.

10:00 What happens when infatuation or limerence wears off?

17:47 How to overcome the power struggle stage.

25:27 How do you build commitment in a relationship.

30:05 What you should intentionally focus on as a couple when life tries to pull you apart.

34:00 How to cultivate strong attachment?

44:14 How they’re helping couples save their struggling relationships at Marriage Helper.

Mentioned

Triangular theory of love by Robert Sternberg (*Wikipedia)

It Starts With Attraction (*Apple Podcast)

Couples Turnaround Workshop mini-course

Connect with Kimberly Holmes

Websites: marriagehelper.com/kimberly-holmes

Twitter: twitter.com/marriagehelper (7.4k followers)

YouTube: youtube.com/c/MarriageHelper/videos (170k subscribers)

Instagram: instagram.com/marriagehelper (11.4k followers)

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 310: How To Unlearn Unhelpful, Unconscious Tendencies That Keep You Stuck — An Interview With Dr. Thomas Jordan Mar 08, 2022

Falling in love is human nature. The moment you are born and see your mother, you form a bond, and that is love. But if falling in love is that easy, why are there so many failed relationships?

In this episode, we’ll look into unhealthy relationship experiences, things that we have learned in the past that we tend to repeat in our relationships over and over again. Although these are part of who we are, the good news is that there is something we can do about it. Dr. Thomas Jordan discusses how we can unlearn these unhealthy habits and stop these vicious cycles.

Dr. Thomas Jordan has helped thousands of individuals and couples enjoy more fulfilling relationships and experience more satisfying, longer-lasting love lives as a psychotherapist for the past 33 years. He is the author of a breakthrough book Learn To Love: Guide to Healing Your Disappointing Love Life. Dr. Jordan specializes in the treatment of chronic love life problems and founded the educational resource Love Life Learning Center in 2012. In 2017 he launched the Healthy Love Life Seminar, leading love life educational seminars with his wife, a psychotherapist, Victoria Jordan, LCSW. He resides and practices in the Upper West Side of New York City.

In this episode

3:49 Three reasons that got Dr. Jordan interested in helping couples and individuals in their love lives.

17:27 Unhealthy relationship experiences that people tend to replicate in their relationships.

22:41 How our experiences and the after-effects influence our love life.

25:51 An overview of the 3-step unlearning method.

40:13 Dr. Jordan defines what a psychological love life is.

Mentioned

Learn to Love: Guide to Healing Your Disappointing Love Life (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

ERP 238: How to Find Your Emotional Balance in Relationship

Take Him To Court For Child Support?

How To Live Without Love In Your Life?

Connect with Dr. Thomas Jordan

Websites: lovelifelearningcenter.com

Facebook: facebook.com/Dr.ThomasJordan/?ref=tn_tnmn

Twitter: twitter.com/LLLearningCtr

Instagram: instagram.com/lovelifelearningcenter

LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drthomasjordan

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 309: How Your Communication Style Reveals Opportunities For Growth — An Interview With Linda Bonnar Mar 01, 2022

We are all shaped and informed by our childhood experiences, and these experiences undoubtedly influence how we show up in our relationships. And, while our childhood is a part of who we are, it does not bind us to these limiting beliefs and relational models.

In this episode, we discuss how we can manage our thoughts and change the stories that we tell ourselves. We'll look at Neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) and how it can help you communicate more effectively and ultimately help us create newfound habits.

Passionate about empowering others to succeed, as a Breakthrough Impostor Syndrome Coach, Linda Bonnar works with high-performing executives to ignite their self-confidence, maximize their potential and be the leaders they were born to be. Combining her fourteen years of experience in education with her wealth of professional coach accreditations, Linda provides business executives and organizations with an outstanding personalized coaching service that educates, empowers, and encourages powerful, successful change through action.

In this episode

5:14 How childhood and growing up experiences impact your communication style.

14:54 What helped Linda change her narrative about her husband and previous beliefs.

24:33 The huge difference between being assertive and being aggressive.

27:19 How Linda is helping people with her coaching.

34:36 Things to be aware of and skills you need to learn.

Mentioned

Just Three Things: Bite-size ways to transform your life (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

ERP 248: How to Negotiate Skillfully to Reach a Win-Win in Relationship – An Interview with Juliet Grayson

ERP 238: How to Find Your Emotional Balance in Relationship

ERP 036: How to Offer the Gift of Listening

Shift Criticism Into Connected Communication Course by Dr. Jessica Higgins

Connect with Linda Bonnar

Website: lindabonnar.com

Facebook: facebook.com/groups/1395615284019836

Instagram: instagram.com/lindabonnar_lifecoaching

LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/linda-bonnar-pcc-coach-87374689

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 308: How To Decode Expectations For Your Highest Good — An Interview with Christal Allen Feb 22, 2022

Do you have to keep reminding your partner to take out the trash or put away the laundry? Well, you are not alone and it can be frustrating when you expect them to do something but they don’t. As a result, you'd react negatively, and they'd respond negatively, resulting in a downward spiral that leads to a power struggle.

In this episode, Christal Allen brings to light how decoding expectations can empower you in creating ease and fulfillment in your relationship by changing how you show up in the relationship rather than waiting for the other person to change.

Christal Allen is an accomplished businesswoman, certified coach, and has a relatable down-to-earth vibe that makes you feel safe and cared for. Christal believes that women can change their relationships, household, and environments by how they carry themselves, believe in themselves and care for themselves mentally.

In this episode

4:32 An overview of Christal’s work.

7:20 The human tendency to focus on what is negatively affecting and how this manifests itself in a relationship.

15:58 The downward spiral that leads to power struggles.

29:01 How Christal is helping couples shift their paradigm.

42:09 A few examples of how this process helped couples in their relationships.

Mentioned

Free 2-minute Quiz to find out “What Kind of Wife or Girlfriend You Are”

Shift Criticism Into Connected Communication Course by Dr. Jessica Higgins

Connect with Christal Allen

Website: christalallen.com/

LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/christal-allen-harrahill-0982b296/?trk=pulse-article_main-author-card

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lifecoachchristal/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/LifeCoachChristal

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/christalallen

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 307: How To Create Financial Intimacy With Your Significant Other — An Interview With Ed Coambs Feb 15, 2022

Everyone learns about money differently and these differences shape our perspective on it. And because it’s closely linked to our safety and security, it makes it difficult to discuss. However, despite how awkward it may feel, financial conversations are extremely important in relationships.

In this episode, we'll talk about starting a safe conversation with our partner about our finances and how it affects our relationships. We'll delve into understanding the deeper psychological processes to minimize arguments over money and level up the love in your relationship.

Ed Coambs, MBA, CFP, CFT, is an internationally recognized thought leader in financial therapy, who has been cited by the Wall Street Journal, the Associated Press, and Time. He leads couples from financial despair and frustration into financial intimacy and connection using the latest in love and brain science. He earned master's degrees in business, counseling, and financial planning. He is a licensed marriage and family therapist, certified financial planner, and certified financial therapist.

In this episode

7:03 How the guys from his workplace and his relationship with his wife inspired Ed to explore financial intimacy.

13:31 How to prepare for a safe conversation about money with your partner.

21:10 Understanding attachment styles and multi-generation attachment and developing a new internal representation of safety and security.

Mentioned

The Healthy Love & Money Way: How the Four Attachment Styles Impact Your Financial Well-Being (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book)

The Couples Guide To Financial Intimacy

Connect with Ed Coambs

Websites: healthyloveandmoney.com/home

LinkedIn: linkedin.com/company/healthyloveandmoney

Facebook: facebook.com/healthyloveandmoney

Instagram: instagram.com/healthyloveandmoney

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@healthyloveandmoney

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 306: How To Be Marriage-Minded And Support The Health Of Your Connection — An Interview with Marcia Berger Feb 08, 2022

Fewer and fewer people are opting to get married as time passes by. Is marriage outdated? According to Marcia Naomi Berger, absolutely not. However, marriage has changed.

In this episode, we’ll talk about how marriage has changed over the years and why so many marriages fail. We’ll discuss some myths and expectations around finding the right partner and we’ll delve deeper into understanding the benefits of being marriage-minded and some tips in creating this wonderful connection with you and your partner and so much more.

Marcia Naomi Berger, MSW, LCSW, leads dynamic marriage and communication workshops, is a popular speaker at conferences, a clinical social worker with a private psychotherapy practice, and has taught continuing education classes for therapists at the University of California Berkeley Extension, Alliant International University, and various professional associations. She's the author of Marriage Minded: An A to Z Dating Guide for Lasting Love and Marriage Meetings for Lasting Love: 30 Minutes a Week to the Relationship You've Always Wanted.

In this episode

7:08 The crying need for people to learn how to have good relationships skills and create good marriages.

8:05 How has marriage changed over the years.

11:02 What makes a good marriage?

13:55 Myths and expectations that get in the way of a good marriage

16:48 What men think about marriage and what keeps some women from finding the right person to marry.

18:52 The benefits of being marriage-minded.

20:50 Marcia's advice to those who have lost their passion in marriage.

26:11 Tips for keeping the fun alive when there are so many demands.

29:29 How can people recognize and overcome what’s getting in the way of a good marriage.

36:13 The Marriage Meeting framework.

Mentioned

Marriage Minded: An A to Z Dating Guide for Lasting Love (book) (*Amazon affiliate link)

The Marriage Meeting Program: A Strengths-Based Approach for Successful Relationships

Marriage Meetings for Lasting Love: 30 Minutes a Week to the Relationship You've Always Wanted (book) (*Amazon affiliate link)

Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love (book) (*Amazon affiliate link)

ERP 252: How to Deal with Sexual Performance Anxieties - An Interview with Dr. Ian Kerner

Connect with Marcia Naomi Berger

Website marcianaomiberger.com

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 305: The Surprising & Powerful Benefits Of Learning To Tolerate Discomfort — An Interview With Dr. Anna Lembke Feb 01, 2022

Our brains are hardwired to seek pleasure and avoid pain and that’s what’s been keeping us alive. However, that's a problem in this day and age where we have an overabundance of highly potent and reinforcing drugs at the tip of a finger. As a result, there’s been a significant increase in the percentage of anxiety, depression, and other psychiatric problems as we are constantly seeking pleasure.

In this episode, we’ll learn what’s happening in our neurobiology as we seek comfort in a dopamine-rewarding behavior as well as what happens when we learn to tolerate some discomfort. Understanding how our brains work will be extremely beneficial as we consider our personal development and relationships.

Anna Lembke, MD, is a professor of psychiatry at Stanford University School of Medicine and chief of the Stanford Addiction Medicine Dual Diagnosis Clinic. A clinician scholar, she has published more than a hundred peer-reviewed papers and she sits on the board of several state and national addiction-focused organizations. Her new book, Dopamine Nation: Finding Balance in the Age of Indulgence explores how to moderate compulsive overconsumption in a dopamine overloaded world.

In this episode

5:04 Understanding how we develop tendencies for seeking pleasure and overconsumption.

16:06 How social media, other technology, and even food contribute to these tendencies.

18:48 Our propensity to notice the behavior.

24:34 How to start a healthy balance between pain and pleasure.

30:15 Some real-life examples of tolerating the discomfort and its benefits.

Mentioned

Dopamine Nation: Finding Balance in the Age of Indulgence (book) (*Amazon affiliate link)

Stanford marshmallow experiment

Connect with Dr. Anna Lembke

Website annalembke.com

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 304: How to Get More Support through Self-Mothering — An Interview with Dr. Gertrude Lyons Jan 25, 2022

When we talk about mothers, qualities like nurturing, caring, and compassion always come to mind. Mothers are also known for putting everybody else’s needs first and theirs last. And for many years, there’s been a notion that mothering is a woman’s natural role but as it turns out, we all mother regardless of gender and whether or not we have kids.

In this episode, we discuss mothering with emphasis on the concept of self-mothering and how this can support us internally, which can essentially result in having better relationships with our partners.

Dr. Gertrude Lyons is a professional life coach who is focused on exploring, demystifying, and democratizing the maternal power that lies within all women. She believes that motherhood is a transformational journey that all women can take with or without children and together, we can start a new conversation around modern motherhood.

Dr. Lyons is the Lead Faculty member, Senior Life Coach and Director of Family Programs for The Wright Foundation for the Realization of Human Potential.

Through her work, she inspires people to take control of their own personal transformations. She has made it her mission to challenge traditional notions of mothering by facilitating raw, open conversations around mothering, womanhood, and parenthood that no one else is having. She has spent the last 19 years empowering individuals, couples, parents, and families to bring out their best selves through helping them realize meaningful, successful lives, with the aim of bringing new perspectives on personal transformation to as many people as possible.

In this episode

6:25 What is self-mothering?

11:31 How she rediscovered herself which ultimately got her interested in diving deeper into self-mothering.

16:27 The purpose of self-mothering.

23:59 How self-mothering looks like in men.

33:19 The deeper inner work: self-validated intimacy.

41:51 Some ways to start self-mothering.

Mentioned

Society of Femininity in Action

Passionate Marriage: Keeping Love and Intimacy Alive in Committed Relationships (book)

Still Face Experiment: Dr. Edward Tronick (YouTube video)

Dr. Jessica Higgins, Psychologist, Relationship & Transformational Coach (Google Review)

Connect with Dr. Gertrude Lyons

Website drgertrudelyons.com

Facebook facebook.com/gertrude.lyons.3

Instagram instagram.com/drgertrudelyon

LinkedIn linkedin.com/in/gertrudelyons/

Podcast mot(HER) with Dr. Gertrude Lyons

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 303: How To Create Safe Conversations — An Interview With Drs Harville Hendrix & Helen Hunt Jan 18, 2022

In this episode, we'll discuss an often overlooked skill that is so simple yet has a significant impact on how we negotiate relationships. We’ll also talk about some tools and practices that can help us turn our disagreements into meaningful connections with our partners.

Dr. Harville Hendricks and Dr. Helen Hunt are co-creators of Imago Relationship Therapy, and a social movement called Safe Conversations. Internationally respected as couple’s therapist, educators, speakers, activist, and New York Times bestselling authors. Their 10 books, including the timeless classic Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples, have sold more than 4 million copies. Harville appeared on the Oprah Winfrey Show 17 times! Helen has been installed in the Women's Hall of Fame and the Smithsonian Institute. The list goes on and on.

In this episode

3:56 What safe conversation is and why it’s important in building a healthy relationship.

12:58 How these safe conversations in the Imago Dialogue process help the relational culture.

28:19 Simple practices to remind us to value our partners, that they matter, and that we adore them.

39:13 The structure of the Imago Dialogue process: mirroring, validating, and empathizing.

42:54 What the on-duty, off-duty days are and how Helen and Harville use this method to make sure that they are connected when they go to bed.

Mentioned

Imago Relationship Therapy

Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples

Helen LaKelly Hunt - National Women's Hall of Fame

Meet a Philanthropist - A Conversation With Helen LaKelly Hunt | National Museum of American History

The Polyvagal Theory: Neurophysiological Foundations of Emotions, Attachment, Communication, and Self-regulation (Norton Series on Interpersonal Neurobiology)

Still Face Experiment: Dr. Edward Tronick

Doing Imago Relationship Therapy in the Space-Between: A Clinician's Guide

Connect with Harville and Helen

Websites: Harville and Helen and Safe Conversations

Facebook: facebook.com/harvilleandhelen

Twitter: twitter.com/HarvilleHelen

YouTube: Harville Hendrix & Helen LaKelly Hunt

Instagram: instagram.com/harvilleandhelen/

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 302: How To Avoid Self-Sabotage In Relationship — An Interview With Roy Biancalana Jan 11, 2022

Just like Roy, some people jump from one relationship to another because they believe that the right person is going to fix their relationship challenges. What they don’t realize is that they are just avoiding the pain. Eventually, they get hurt all over again and look for another relationship to fill the void.

In this episode, Roy talks about self-sabotage in relationships, how that happens, and some tips to overcome them.

Roy Biancalana is a certified relationship coach and a nationally recognized expert in the field of attraction and conscious relationships and is the host of the Attracting Lasting Love Podcast. Along with being a frequent TV analyst, Roy is the author of three number one best-selling books, the latest of which is Relationship Bootcamp: Hard-Core Training for Life, Love & the Pursuit of Intimacy.

In this episode

3:46 Roy's takeaways from failed relationships and limiting beliefs about love.

24:04 An illustration of self-sabotage and how a coach can help you become more self-aware.

27:42 Roy's seven relationship muscles for a healthy and sustainable connection.

34:12 A few pointers on how to change your mindset and overcome self-sabotage.

43:21 A relationship fitness test to evaluate yourself and how Roy can further assist you to get in great relationship shape.

Mentioned

The Attracting Lasting Love Podcast

RELATIONSHIP BOOTCAMP: Hard-Core Training for Life, Love & the Pursuit of Intimacy book

The Relationship Fitness Test

Connect with Roy Biancalana

Website: coachingwithroy.com

Twitter: https://twitter.com/coachingwithroy

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/coachingwithroy/

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 301: How an Entrepreneur Couple Can Negotiate Love and Business Successfully — An Interview with Dr. Ellyn Bader Jan 04, 2022

How do couples draw the line between business and romantic relationships?

Managing a business is a powerful force that can take over the family in so many ways and have a significant impact on the marriage. It's a lot to take in and simply unavoidable.

Unlike couples who are not negotiating business, it is critical to provide additional support to couples who are doing business and building a relationship under the same roof.

In this episode, we'll talk about entrepreneur couples and what they're up against. Dr. Ellyn Bader shares some real-life examples as well as some tools to help navigate these challenges.

Dr. Ellyn Bader is a psychotherapist and one of the early founders of couples therapy, as well as a recognized thought leader and trailblazer in relationship therapy worldwide.

Through her informal research and thousands of sessions, Ellyn co-created the Developmental Model, a revolutionary approach to couples therapy that is highly adaptable to the complex needs of two people growing, changing, and staying connected in a relationship.

In this episode

5:37 Ellyn talks about the first-hand experiences that inspired her to help couples negotiate business and couplehood.

8:09 How to manage couple-time that is off-limits for business talk.

13:14 Six skills for living, loving, and working together:

14:46 Commitment.

19:38 Appreciation.

25:17 Negotiation.

32:34 Decision Making.

44:06 Where to find more information on Ownership and Roles with authority.

Mentioned

Peter Pearson, Ph.D., Emeritus

The Daily Double 30-Day Challenge

The CANDOR Solution: The Entrepreneur’s Marriage Blueprint

Couples as a Team

The Developmental Model

Entrepreneurs Marriage Intensive

Connect with Dr. Ellyn Bader

The Couples Institute website

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 300: How to Set Your Relationship up for Success Dec 28, 2021

To commemorate the 300th episode of the Empowered Relationship Podcast here's a special episode for you all!

Since the premiere episode in 2015, our goal has been to help people feel more prepared and, as a result, set their relationships up for success by encouraging them to invest in the strength of their connection rather than second-guessing their partner choice.

Learn how couples can shift into safer, more positive, and more connected patterns of relating as she discusses key findings out of a landmark relationship science study that was published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, which was first-authored by Samantha Joel.

In this episode

08:08 What constitutes a successful relationship, and why do some relationships thrive more than others?

16:06 Top relationship characteristics that most accurately predict a person's happiness.

30:00 Five personal attributes that can help predict a person's happiness.

Mentioned

A landmark study shows what makes a successful relationship

Machine learning uncovers the most robust self-report predictors of relationship quality across 43 longitudinal couples studies

Dr. Susan Johnson's website

Gottman Institute

Julie Gottman's wikipedia page

Samantha Joel's citations on Google Scholar

Podcast Rocket's website

ERP 297: How to Enhance Emotional Intimacy in Your Relationship – An Interview with Amber Dalsin

ERP 274: How Increasing Relationship Love & Health Can Impact Borderline Personality Disorder – An Interview with Gabrielle Usatynski

ERP 169: What to Do When Depression Takes Hold in Your Relationship, with Dr. Susan Heitler

ERP 166: How Perfectionism And Depression Affect You And Your Relationship – with Dr. Margaret Rutherford

ERP 015: Do You Have a “Unity” or “Journey” Mindset In Relationship?

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 299: How To Cultivate More Self-Love — An Interview With Beth Miller Dec 21, 2021

When confronted with situations that make us feel distressed, it's so easy to project those feelings onto others, and sometimes we don't even realize why we are feeling that way.

This can be caused by deeply ingrained childhood beliefs that we might not be aware of. If left unaddressed, these can interfere with our ability to show our authentic selves to our partners.

In this episode, Beth Miller shares how she overcame extreme anxiety and depression and how that transformed her personal and marital life. She explains how understanding your inner child leads to a deeper understanding of your relationship conflicts and so much more.

Beth Miller is the founder of Soulify Wellness, a marriage coach, a teacher of psychology, and consulting hypnotist. She has coached many women who are on the verge of divorce and helped them transform their marriages into relationships filled with mutual love, connection, and support.

One of her secret weapons is Hypno-journeying, a deep meditation that's rooted in psychology, and neuroscience. It helps women release beliefs that are keeping them stuck in relationship struggles. And while Beth focuses a lot of her work on supporting women, I do believe these principles are very applicable to however you identify in your gender.

In this episode

3:35 How Beth's brain bleed affected her marriage and what she did to save it that ultimately led to her journey of helping other wives with their relationships, too.

10:11 Using hypnosis to recognize triggers and how accessing your subconscious helps you heal from deep-rooted issues inside you.

17:16 How understanding your inner child can help solidify your marriage.

21:38 The beautiful transformation that can happen once you start addressing the root causes of your problems.

Mentioned

3 Ways to Save Your Marriage

True You

Connect with Beth Miller

Website Soulify Wellness

Facebook facebook.com/soulifywellness

Instagram instagram.com/soulifywellness

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 298: How to Increase Emotional Intelligence with Facial Decoding — An Interview with Dan Hill Dec 14, 2021

Most of us are familiar with non-verbal communication being upwards of 80% of all communication and part of that is facial expressions.

In this episode, Dan Hill talks about his journey and 20 years of experience in facial decoding. Learn about the seven core emotions and how facial decoding can be a useful tool in navigating intimate relationships.

Dan Hill is an internationally recognized expert on the role of emotions and business, politics, sports, popular culture, and one's personal relationships. Among his 9 books, is Famous Faces Decoded: A Guidebook for Reading Others, which uses celebrities' examples to promote emotional literacy and the 23 facial expressions that reveal seven core emotions. Dan's TV appearances have included ABC's "Good Morning, America," NBC's "The Today Show," CNN, Fox, MSNBC, and front-page coverage and the New York Times.

In this episode

4:18 How Dan Hill’s fascination with brain science led him to pioneering facial decoding in market research 20 years ago.

14:54 The 7 core emotions.

19:25 How facial decoding helps navigate intimate relationships.

30:11 Identifying contempt through facial expressions.

32:27 The upside and downside of anger.

39:25 About surprise and how this can be helpful in a relationship?

43:07 How fear or sadness can be fatal when it comes to communication.

46:38 What to do if you feel threatened.

Mentioned

Famous Faces Decoded: A Guidebook for Reading Others (*Amazon Link)

Dan Hill's EQ Spotlight

Gottman Love Lab

Charles Darwin's Theory of Evolution

Plutchik's Color Wheel of Emotions

Tell all the truth but tell it to slant by Emily Dickinson

ERP 261: How to Strengthen Your Relationship from a Polyvagal Perspective, an Interview with Stephen Porges

Connect with Dan Hill

Website Sensory Logic

Facebook facebook.com/Emotionswizard/

Instagram instagram.com/emotionswizard/

LinkedIn linkedin.com/in/dan-hill-emotionswizard/

Twitter twitter.com/EmotionsWizard

Youtube channel Sensory Logic

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Check out the transcript to this episode in Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 297: How to Enhance Emotional Intimacy in Your Relationship — An Interview with Amber Dalsin Dec 07, 2021

According to research, women are the primary initiators of divorce, with emotional intimacy being the most significant factor.

In the early stages of a relationship, you may feel that intense sense of connection even without emotional intimacy because of the dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin, and pheromones making everything seem to be in perfect harmony. However, as time passes by, these neurotransmitters diminish.

In this episode, we'll dive into understanding what emotional intimacy is as Amber Dalsin talks about her personal journey — from someone who craves connection into a love that she never thought was possible. Learn about the 7 key components of emotional intimacy and the different ways of cultivating this beautiful connection that can stand the test of time.

Amber Dalsin is a licensed psychologist and couples therapist. She has delivered over 10,000 hours of One-on-One therapy services and has given professional talks to over 28,000 participants. Her mission is to help couples create intimate, loving, peaceful, and long-lasting relationships.

In this episode

7:43 What sparked Amber's interest in helping individuals with Couplehood.

11:33 The 7 pillars of emotional intimacy.

21:33 What stands in the way of helping people create emotional intimacy.

31:04 How to identify emotional intimacy problems and assess whether or not they are fixable.

34:25 Simple things you could do to spice up your relationship.

42:31 Gender stereotypes and how these might relate to emotional intimacy.

Mentioned

The 6-second kiss & the 20-second hug

5 Love Languages

Mini-Course: Emotional Intimacy Blueprint

Connect with Amber DalsinWebsite Ember Relationship Psychology

Facebook Ember Relationship Psychology

Instagram Ember Relationship Psychology

Pinterest Ember Relationship Psychology | Couples Therapy

Podcast Relationship Psych | Love | Marriage | Conflict | Psychology

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Check out the transcript to this episode in Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 296: How to Cultivate More Relational Mindfulness — An Interview With Shari Foos Nov 30, 2021

In the spur of the moment, a simple argument can go out of hand if we focus on proving that we are right rather than seeking to understand our partner's emotional needs. We basically just listen so we can rebut. Whilst it does seem to be clever, it is not the same as understanding.

So, what can we do to change that? Shari Foos dives into what Relational Mindfulness is and how we can apply it to create meaningful connections in both romantic and non-romantic relationships.

Shari Foos is a licensed marriage and family therapist and creator of The Narrative Method. She holds an MA in clinical psychology from Antioch University, Los Angeles, and a Master's in Science in Narrative Medicine from Columbia University.

A sought-after expert on the subject of relationship and meaningful connection, Foos’ writing and commentary have appeared in a range of online and print publications including Real Simple, Huffington Post, Women’s Health, KBLA, Fatherly, LA Weekly, and Bustle.

In this episode

04:53 Shari explains what Relational Mindfulness means.

09:06 Steps that you can do to regulate your nervous system enough to suspend and to engage in this practice.

26:17 Shari elaborates on The Narrative Method.

41:16 How to connect with Shari.

Mentioned

10 Tactics for Finding Happiness During Times of Isolation and Loneliness

On Becoming and Being a Mother by Shari Foos

Connect with Shari Foos Website: The Narrative Method

Facebook: facebook.com/thenarrativemethod

Instagram: instagram.com/thenarrativemethod

LinkedIn: linkedin.com/company/thenarrativemethod

Twitter: twitter.com/NarrativeMethod

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Check out the transcript to this episode in Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 295: How To Use More Mindfulness In Couplehood - An Interview With Caroline Welch Nov 23, 2021

Research shows that practicing mindfulness helps reduce stress, anxiety, lowers blood pressure and improves sleep. If we make it a habit, aside from our mental and physical health, it can also improve every aspect of our lives.

Can mindfulness improve our relationships, too? The answer is yes and in this episode, Caroline Welch talks about its benefits, some tips in incorporating it into our daily lives and so much more.

Caroline Welch is the CEO and co-founder, with Dr. Dan Siegel, of the Mindsight Institute in Santa Monica, California. She began her mindfulness practice forty years ago while working in Japan as an English teacher. Welch’s book “The Gift of Presence: A Mindfulness Guide for Women” has been widely acclaimed. Caroline offers lectures and workshops on the power of mindfulness to enhance well-being in our personal and professional lives including its role in supporting racial and gender equity.

Stay tuned and learn how mindfulness can play a big role in bringing you and your partner closer!

In this episode:

5:14 Caroline’s definition of mindfulness and how it started for her.

7:19 Some real-life examples of mindfulness.

12:54 Why is mindfulness important.

16:24 Features of mindfulness.

26:52 Understanding the 3 Ps: Purpose, Pivoting, Pacing.

Mentioned

Connect with Caroline Welch

Website: carolinewelch.com

Facebook: facebook.com/carolinewelchauthor

Instagram: instagram.com/carolinewelchauthor

Twitter: twitter.com/CarolineWauthor

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Check out the transcript to this episode in Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 294: How To Use The Enneagram To Strengthen Your Relationship - An Interview With Beatrice Chestnut & Uranio Paes Nov 16, 2021

Friction and differences are breeding grounds for real conflicts, especially for couples. Because of one's environment, upbringing, situation, and other factors, we develop different personalities which can all contribute to our reactive patterns and biases.

Personality is such a complex psychological concept but what if we can bring understanding to what’s going on? See where these perspectives are coming from? That would be a real game-changer!

Beatrice Chestnut, Ph.D., is a psychotherapist coach and business consultant based in San Francisco, and Uranio Paes, MBA is a world-renowned Enneagram teacher and business consultant. They are the founders of Chestnut Paes Enneagram Academy and the hosts of the Enneagram 2.0 Podcast.

They are also the authors of the forthcoming book, The Enneagram Guide to Waking Up: Find Your Path, Face Your Shadow, Discover Your True Self.

In their work around the world, Beatrice and Urano focus on using the Enneagram as a tool for personal and professional transformation.

In this episode, they briefly talk about the nine personality types in the Enneagram, the habitual patterns around these types, and essentially how this can be a powerful tool in improving relationships.

In this episode:

5:59 What’s the Enneagram and what makes it so powerful

9:28 How the Enneagram can help with our relationships and how we interact with other personality types

10:37 Why it’s recommended to get explicit and talk about it in couplehood

14:19 An overview of the nine types

33:35 Finding your type

42:25 About Enneagram Academy and other professional workshops they offer

Mentioned

Connect with Beatrice Chestnut

Website: beatricechestnut.com

Facebook: facebook.com/beatricechestnutphd

Instagram: instagram.com/beatrice.chestnut

LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/beatrice-chestnut-0493602/

Connect with Uranio Paes

Facebook: facebook.com/uranio.paes

Instagram: instagram.com/uraniopaes/

LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/ur%C3%A2nio-paes-624129

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Check out the transcript to this episode in Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 293: How To Succeed In Different Relationship Stages - An Interview With Alicia & Erwan Davon Nov 09, 2021

The overarching reason couples seek help in relationships is to rejuvenate their connection and learn the skills to ensure the spark doesn't go out in the long term.

Alicia and Erwan join me today to share their road map to creating and sustaining a thriving relationship life. They share the three key relationship stages and dive into why couples in long-term relationships should understand the benefits of maintaining early-stage skills, such as flirting, in the later stages of a committed relationship so it can thrive.

Erwan and Alicia Davon have 25+ years of experience teaching singles and couples how to have exceptional romantic relationships while growing personally and spiritually. Their unique approach to relationship coaching combines their educational backgrounds in psychology with aspects of Zen Buddhism, providing a holistic method, improving connections with the self and others. They help singles have passionate and successful intimate relationships and guide couples to take their relationships to new heights of passion and intimacy.

In this episode:

09:21 Alicia and Erwan discuss how they developed their relationship stages and how they identified and grew through them in their relationship

14:30 How to get back the juicy passionate chemistry of earlier relationship stages and why micro gestures are gold

16:06 What a relationship blueprint is, why it is carried throughout life, and how you can discover what your blueprint is

20:43 Relationships don’t happen to us, rather they happen through us — why being intentional about how we design our relationship allows us to show up and be committed to our relationship

21:35 Alicia and Erwan’s names for the stages in a long term relationship and how to make progress through those natural stages mindful

30:20 The skills that we need to acquire before moving to the next relationship stage, and Erwan’s tips for managing the challenges of each stage

36:00 Four practices that Alicia and Erwan recommend people do every day, including spiritual and sensual practice

Mentioned

Connect with Alicia & Erwan Davon

Website: erwandavon.com

Facebook: facebook.com/erwandavonteachings

Instagram: instagram.com/erwandavonteachings/

Youtube: youtube.com/user/ErwanDavonTeachings

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Check out the transcript to this episode in Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 292: How Gender Construction Impacts Authenticity And Relationship - An Interview With Joseph Winn Nov 02, 2021

Cultural patriarchy and heteronormativity often negatively impact sexual and relational development — but they can be difficult to recognize and challenge.

On this episode of the Empowered Relationship podcast, we're talking about gender and its construction as we examine our society’s cultural backdrop of hetero-normativity. Joe Winn joins me today to explore the principles to consider as we question ideas, notions, and messages that we receive around gender.

Joe Winn is a licensed clinical social worker, AASECT Certified Sex Therapist, and supervisor of Sex Therapy whose practice is outside of the Boston and Cambridge area. Joe has also lectured nationally and internationally on consensual non-monogamy, BDSM & kink, gender, and relationships. Joe is also a faculty member of The South Shore Sexual Health Center, an AASECT-approved training program for clinicians working towards certification in sex therapy.

In this episode:

05:01 Why gender is such a problematic construct in our culture

07:45 Gender as viewed from a heteronormative perspective, and why people often perceive an LGBTQ+ alternative as an attack on their beliefs.

11:43 Joe’s thoughts on whether patriarchy is at the foundation of the gender construct and the ways the discomfort and fear feed into homophobia

19:55 Why we need to allow ourselves to step into the transformative process of understanding our needs to better develop authentic relationships

23:50 How to start engaging with people interested in alternative concepts of sex and gender and seek out meaningful dialogue.

31:05 The importance of self-care, tuning into ourselves and putting ourselves at the center of our experience so that we can also support our partner

35:26 How to recognize moments of discomfort around gender and why we should turn towards them

40:00 Strategies we can use to learn and reset if we have been indoctrinated by society with rigid beliefs

Mentioned

South Shore Sexual Health Center website

Connect with Dr. Joseph Winn

Website: josephwinnlicsw.net

LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/joewinnlicsw

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Check out the transcript to this episode in Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 291: How “Love Is Not Enough” - An Interview With Dr. Stan Tatkin Oct 26, 2021

Understanding why love is not enough in an empowered relationship can be a challenge. So in this episode, Dr. Stan Tatkin helps us recognize some of the most common biological and human factors that take us off track when creating intentionality in a relationship. Having a scientific framework that allows us to understand why we need more than love helps us create a shared vision for our relationships.

By unpacking common causes of relationship challenges, we can learn how to commit fully to a loving partnership and ensure it remains a beautiful and fulfilling experience.

Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT, is a clinician, author, researcher, PACT developer, and co-founder of the PACT Institute. Dr. Tatkin is an assistant clinical professor at UCLA, David Geffen School of Medicine. He maintains a private practice in Southern California and leads PACT programs in the US and internationally. He is the author of We Do, Wired for Love, Your Brain on Love, Relationship RX, Wired for Dating, and co-author of Love and War in Intimate Relationships.

In this episode:

09:35 Why the basic human being is not built for long term relationships

12:25 Going passively into a relationship assuming that love is the key to success is not the best approach to take

14:05 The inner development that we have to commit to can sometimes be challenging

19:03 Stan shares his practical tips on how to create a shared purpose and vision as a couple

33:29 The importance of being cognizant of that we continue to evolve as individuals while developing our purpose, vision, governance, and ethics as a couple

33:48 Why we should intentionally create form-fitting principles to ground our relationship

40:32 How PACT can help couples improve their relationships

Mentioned

We Do: Saying Yes to a Relationship of Depth, True Connection, and Enduring Love, by Stan Tatkin (*Amazon Link)
Wired for Love: How Understanding Your Partner’s Brain and Attachment Style Can Help You Defuse Conflict and Build a Secure Relationship, by Stan Tatkin (*Amazon Link)
Your Brain on Love: The Neurobiology of Healthy Relationships, by Stan Tatkin (*Amazon Link)
Relationship Rx, by Stan Tatkin (*Amazon Link)
Wired for Dating: How Understanding Neurobiology and Attachment Style Can Help You Find Your Ideal Mate, by Stan Tatkin (*Amazon Link)
Love and War in Intimate Relationships: Connection, Disconnection, and Mutual Regulation in Couple Therapy, by Stan Tatkin (*Amazon Link)
Relationship Road Map

Connect with Dr. Stan Tatkin

Website: thepactinstitute.com

Facebook: facebook.com/drstantatkin

Instagram: instagram.com/drstantatkin/

Twitter: @DrStanTatkin

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Check out the transcript to this episode in Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 290: How To Improve Your Communication Tactics In A Powerful Way With "Talk Shifts" - An Interview With Krister Ungerbock Oct 19, 2021

Leveraging higher-level communication skills rooted in emotional intelligence helps drive connection, growth, and performance in professional and personal relationships alike.

In this episode, leadership language expert Krister Ungerbock describes his TalkSHIFT™ System and explores how it elevates communication, morale, performance, and growth. Krister shares how you can hone your emotional intelligence to boost personal relationships and business growth.

Learning how to communicate more effectively allows us to become better family members, spouses, and friends. When you pay closer attention to your words as well as your actions, you can avoid a communication crisis that could damage your relationships with others.

In this episode:

5:24 We recognize how many of the principles of leadership communication also apply to partnerships and romantic relationships

14:40 How Krister found transformation personally and professionally and how his experience helps others in their relationships

20:08 A deeper understanding of the whole person increases the level of communication and gives insight into discovering where we are in our lives and what matters to us

25:28 Krister’s most effective tools for improving communication in our relationships

31:56 The importance of asking direct questions about what someone needs from you at that moment and how that can help shift perspective in a conversation

38:28 The difference between being seen and unseen, and the challenge of seeing someone for who they are rather than who they were

Mentioned

TalkSHIFT Website

Connect with Krister Ungerbock

Website: krister.com

Facebook: facebook.com/meetkrister

Instagram: instagram.com/iamkrister/

Youtube: youtube.com/c/kristeru

LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/kristeru/

Twitter: @meetkrister

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Check out the transcript to this episode in Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 289: How To Get Out Of A Holding Pattern In Relationship Oct 12, 2021

On today's episode of The Empowered Relationship Podcast, we are going through a laser coaching session. I speak to Vanessa and support her to refocus regarding her connection with her partner. One of the things that she is challenged with is getting stuck in the logical, analytical space where she weighs the pros and the cons in examining her relationship. Although this can be helpful occasionally, it can also get us in a holding pattern, where we go back and forth and don't get clear on the right path to take. In this laser coaching session with Vanessa, I help her access her emotions and recognize the parts of her relationship where she feels discontent and pain.

When we have a void in our lives it can lead to a holding pattern in a relationship, but equally when we overanalyze our feeling it often keeps us from really being vulnerable and accessing the emotional deeper longing and discontent. One of the aspects that I'm intentionally trying to focus on in my coaching capacity is to help people access parts in themselves that they often don't slow down enough to connect with. We want to find the space to access the parts of ourselves that we might deny, repress or ignore so that we can explore them.

In this episode:

04:50 How we can work together with our partner to resolve the differences in the relationship

07:07 Vanessa describes why she feels she and her boyfriend are in a holding pattern

08:53 We discuss Vanessa's internal list of pros and cons of her relationship and she shares the big-ticket items that she has discontent around

12:25 Lack of a depth of connection where Vanessa and her partner feel together, and why she feels like she can’t currently lean on him

16:03 Why keeping busy masks issues and can prevent us from discussing significant issues in our relationships

18:44 The problem of feeling lonely in your relationship and Vanessa’s reflections on how to resolve the issue

22:43 We discuss why planning for the future is a problem in Vanessa’s relationship and why she is stuck in the analytic phase

26:05 I connect with the pain that Vanessa is feeling that is prompting her to question her relationship

27:00 Why it can be so hard to get clear when we're trying to figure our relationship out from an intellectual place

29:53 We don't get enough support or emphasis around how much this means to us on a nervous system level on a human survival level, to feel that responsiveness from our partner, to feel that engagement, to feel their availability

32:56 Finding someone who aligns with the things that are important to her is what Vanessa values in a relationship

42:58 Why I would strongly encourage working with the principles around Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) when you are feeling at a standstill in a relationship

50:39 The importance of getting outside our heads when evaluating our relationships

Mentioned

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Check out the transcript to this episode in Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 288: How to Support Psychological-Sexual Arousal In Relationship - An Interview With Dr. Ian Kerner Oct 05, 2021

On today's episode of The Empowered Relationship Podcast, Dr. Ian Kerner and I discuss what a ‘sex script’ is and why it can help couples achieve intimacy by rewriting our sex script. He shares his insights into why these sex scripts are not only based on physical behaviors and describes how he helps couples understand that psychological arousal begins with our minds.

We dive into the details of why Dr. Kerner has been a longtime advocate for a new paradigm of sexual pleasure for heterosexual couples, focused around clitoral stimulation rather than the previous procreative model of sex. Dr. Kerner explores why the core of the orgasm gap between men and women is down to the differences in how men and women experience the plateau phase in the process of sexual response. We also discuss how getting into a state of ‘neutral entrainment,’ when you’re relaxed and in the moment and feeling the erotic heat being generated, helps foster a sensual connection.

Ian Kerner, Ph.D., LMFT, is the co-leader of the sex therapy program at the Institute for Contemporary Psychotherapy and contributes regularly on the topic of sex for CNN. He is the New York Times best-selling author of She Comes First (Harper Collins), which has been translated into more than a dozen languages, and he maintains a private practice in NYC dedicated to honoring the centrality of sexuality in his patients’ lives.

In this episode:

07:32 How psychological arousal relates to sexual intimacy

08:28 Why couples in long term relationships often develop a ‘sex script’ over time

12:51 Recognition that psychological arousal is a key component of sexual satisfaction

14:06 Why anticipation is an integral part of psychological excitement and how tapping into our erotic imaginations and fantasies helps get us going

18:42 Reciprocity is elemental for our sense of bonding, particularly when we're talking about intimacy and the vulnerability around reaching that authentic sexual place

26:06 The element of play and being able to express sexual fantasy in recreating your sexual script

32:37 How to move from the shallow end in these conversations about sexual fantasy and drift further in so that we don’t get fearful and anxious about the process of connecting sexually

35:57 Dr. Kerner’s tips to help someone safely explore to open up more capacity and let go of their sexual rigidity

37:44 Introducing the idea of sexual exploration without pressure

41:50 Shifting from intercourse to outercourse and creating a sex script that adds and rearranges the right elements for us as a couple

43:15 How to find out more about Dr. Ian Kerner and get ahold of his latest book So Tell Me About the Last Time You Had Sex: Laying Bare and Learning to Repair Our Love Lives

Mentioned

So Tell Me About the Last Time You Had Sex: Laying Bare and Learning to Repair Our Love Lives (*Amazon Link)
She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman (*Amazon Link)

Connect with Dr. Ian Kerner

Website: iankerner.com

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Check out the transcript to this episode in Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 287: How To Engage In The Art Of Giving And Receiving: Using The Wheel Of Consent - An Interview With Dr. Betty Martin Sep 28, 2021

On today's episode of The Empowered Relationship Podcast, you'll hear Dr. Betty Martin really inviting the practice of slowing down and exploring not only our partner’s needs, but equally as importantly, our own needs. We discuss how her work as a sex educator and her exploration of somatic-based therapy inspired her to create her Wheel of Consent framework, which illustrates that when we're sexual, we move between four different zones.

Dr. Betty will step us through the four zones of the wheel and gives examples to illustrate the practice of taking turns giving and receiving pleasure. She shares her insights into negotiating boundaries and sets the stage for having a productive conversation about your needs with your partner. Dr. Betty also explores why we start your experience outside the bedroom fully clothed rather than with genital touch and describes where to find additional resources that will help us open the gateway to emotional and spiritual fluency.

Dr. Betty Martin has been working with people professionally for over 40 years. She was a Chiropractor for 30 years and upon retiring from that practice, became a certified Surrogate Partner, Sacred Intimate, and Somatic Sex Educator. Her explorations in somatic-based therapy and practices informed her creation of the framework, The Wheel of Consent®.

In this episode:

08:16 The framework of the Wheel of Consent and what got Dr. Betty interested in creating it

13:45 The practice of taking turns and respecting boundaries and how that helps you understand your own physical needs

16:22 Why it’s so uncommon for couples to be connected into different roles and often forget to be explicit about wanting to make love

18:00 Tips on using the Wheel of Consent and laying the groundwork for giving your partner the gift of touch with a full heart

20:58 Unlike your regular sexual play, you should take time to negotiate what you need and incorporate pauses to ensure everyone is comfortable

22:16 This is a practice that you keep coming back to it over and over, but you start on the couch and don't include genital touch until you played it 20 or 30 times, or you’ll get right back into the same habits that produced the same results before

24:06 Why saying no allows you to say yes

33:41 Dr. Betty explains things that see people typically work through that gives them some insight into current challenges

37:25 The model allows people to come in contact with their guilt and fear of rejection — Dr. Betty describes what she recommends for people as they confront their somatic pain

39:29 What you expect as an outcome of fully engaging with the Wheel of Consent process

Mentioned

Dr. Betty Martin Website
Dr. Betty Martin Instagram
The Wheel of Consent Instagram
Body Electric School
The 3-Minute Game by Harry Faddis
The Art of Receiving and Giving: The Wheel of Consent by Dr. Betty Martin, with Robyn Dalzen * Amazon Link

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Check out the transcript to this episode in Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 286: How To Know If You Experience Limerence & What To Do About It - An Interview With Dr. L Sep 21, 2021

On today's episode of The Empowered Relationship Podcast, my guest, a neuroscientist known only as Dr. L, joins the show to support us in understanding limerence, what it is and how to negotiate the experience. He describes how his motivation for starting his blog and online community was rooted in his own unexpected experience of limerence after a long period of contented life as a husband. Dr. L shares his fascination with the underlying neuroscience behind limerence and his hopes that he can support other people to make sense of their experience of limerence from that perspective.

Dr. L gives us his one-sentence working definition of what exactly limerence is and how it differs from a crush. Limerence is linked with big swings in mood, where an individual moves rapidly between a sense of euphoria and deep lows, depending on how they currently perceive their relationship with the other person. We also dive into what type of person may be more prone to unrequited love and the three elements that have to be present to go from being attracted to another person to being limerent for them.

This week’s guest expert, Dr. L, blogs on his site Living with Limerence under a pseudonym so he can be fearlessly frank. In his everyday life, Dr. L is a neuroscientist passionate about helping people understand what’s going on in their traitor brains and reprogram themselves into leading more purposeful lives. He wants to explain what limerence is, how it affects us psychologically and emotionally, and how to devise practical ways to master it and integrate it into life in a healthier way.

In this episode:

05:16 Dr. L’s personal experience of limerance and why he was inspired to start his blog

08:04 A working definition of limerance

14:40 The difference between a crush or the beginning of a romantic relationship and limerence

17:44 Why a distinguishing factor of limerance is the ability to function, socialize, or really engage in all the activities of a thriving life

19:29 The three elements that must be present to go from being attracted to another person to being limerent for them

23:31 The glimmer and hope, and then the uncertainty — and why that intermittent reinforcement makes you feel as if you’re addicted to someone

28:32 The characteristics of people who are a little bit more susceptible to limerance and the extra insight provided by the Myers Briggs type indicator

35:17 Why the relationship between limerence and attachment is so complex

42:53 The benign neglect that often happens in a marriage and why limerence can be the result of an unconscious feeling that something is missing in your marriage or partnership

45:58 Dr. L’s recommendations for people in limerence and how you can give yourself the empowerment of converting your rich inner world to something healthy and beneficial

Mentioned

Love and Limerence: The Experience Of Being In Love book by Dorothy Tennov *Amazon Link
Living with Limerence: A Guide for the Smitten book by Dr L *Amazon Link
NeuroSparkle blog

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Check out the transcript to this episode in Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 285: How To Mend A Relationship After An Affair - An Interview With Dr Jeanne Michele Sep 14, 2021

On today's episode of The Empowered Relationship Podcast, I welcome Dr. Jeanne Michele, who gives her valuable insights into strengthening a relationship after an affair. We discuss the landscape of long-term intimacy, why the challenges we face can help us discover opportunities for personal and relational growth, and how we engage and co-create with our significant other in that relationship growth.

Dr. Jeanne shares her experience of where disconnect can occur in relationships when we withhold our feelings and how we can avoid getting to that stage with our partner. We dive into what kind of changes people can make in their relationships to rebuild trust after infidelity and how to initiate courageous conversations to create positive impact. Opening ourselves up emotionally can make us feel vulnerable, but it is vital to move past hurt and pain into a connected future.

Dr. Jeanne Michele designs and delivers personalized programs to men, women, and couples to help them create lives, relationships, and business partnerships that thrive. She is passionate about helping people create extraordinary relationships and lives. Her work immediately addresses crises, such as infidelity, grief, and lack of life direction, as well as the day-to-day challenges faced by couples and individuals seeking love, recovering from heartache, and those seeking greater clarity in their home and business lives. Individuals and couples experiencing a love or identity crisis find that working with Dr. Jeanne provides immediate relief and gives them the tools to create lasting change.

In this episode:

06:52 What made Dr. Jeanne turn towards the issue and challenge of infidelity in relationships

09:52 What rebuilding trust and forging new connections can look like after infidelity — and how having those courageous conversations can be challenging after deal-breaker situations

12:11 Shining a light on a deficiency or discontent in a relationship can expose issues that need to be addressed and explored.

14:45 The three fundamental needs that should be fulfilled in a relationship

18:03 Why it’s helpful to highlight the masculine dynamic and historical development when discussing the underlying causes of emotional connections or affairs outside the primary bond

31:07 Understanding the feminine need to be seen and to be validated and the inner conflict that comes when boundaries are crossed

34:39 Dr. Jeannie gives her tips on specific language to use when starting a courageous conversation about potential infidelity with a partner and why having those conversations can have a long term beneficial impact

37:46 Why baring yourself honestly and authentically helps you to connect with your spouse

41:15 Why courageous conversations and even relational-emotional hygiene help build trust in a relationship

44:43 How Dr. Jeanne supports couples to do the repair work and navigate the journey of recovering from an injury like infidelity

48:45 How to connect with Dr. Jeanne Michele and download her free ebook

Mentioned

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Check out the transcript to this episode in Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 284: How Our Relational Attachment System Is Experienced In The Body - An Interview With Varvara Erochina Sep 07, 2021

As a practitioner, Varvara originally trained in psychotherapy and spiritual development. Because of her personal journey, she later found out that our fear of relating doesn’t necessarily come from our brain, but from our body and the lack of safety we experienced as an infant. This is where her passion for somatic teaching comes from.

Varvara joins us in today’s episode to explain how developmental trauma can limit intimacy and connection in adult partnership, how our implicit memories can create conflict in our relationships, and how healing can help us take responsibility for our experience and reach out to our partner for support.

Varvara Erochina is a somatic teacher and coach dedicated to personal and collective healing. She offers a multi-disciplinary approach to healing, informed by trauma resolution, Gestalt psychotherapy, spirituality, and life coaching. Her popular course 'How to Feel' offers practical education and embodied practice for feeling your feelings. She is the creator of Cards for Self-Care and offers 1-1 and group coaching, workshops, retreats, classes, and more.

In this episode:

04:35 The lived experience of each individual comes from the very first relationships we form with ourselves and our caregivers when we were born. It also goes back to how that relationship is built upon memories that form in the body as we grow.

13:51 Talking about trauma can scare and put so many of us into defense. However, it’s essential to recognize trauma as a chronic experience of not having our needs met as an infant.

15:44 The habits of blaming our partners or shutting ourselves off emotionally are the wise survival mechanisms we unconsciously developed as infants. Reclaiming those habits as such will help us move into greater self-connectedness.

21:03 Implicit memories, which is a formal term for feeling memories, are the thought patterns developed in response to a feeling we couldn't process as an infant.

23:18 Corrective experience happens when a new neural pathway gets created. This neural pathway gets deepened when we’re being honest about how we feel, and when we experience appropriate co-regulation and safe attachment.

27:02 Corrective experience is also one of the best ways to experience a newfound safety, freedom, and possibility in our relationships. In order to access this, we must start by acknowledging our feeling of shame, understanding why it has developed in our younger years, and naming its impact by knowing whether it works in our relational life.

33:20 Whether or not our partner is ready to work with the process, we should always start with ourselves; then we go on and take that as far as we want in our relationship.

37:26 Babies experience chronic stress responses when parents appear frightened or frightening to them. If we have this kind of parenting, our infant implicit memory gets activated when we experience ourselves or our partners being frightened or frightening. Therefore, it's incredibly important to use our sensation and non-verbal clues at that moment to notice and differentiate between our adult selves and that very young response.

42:31 How to get in touch with Varvara

Mentioned

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Check out the transcript to this episode in Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 283: How To Heal From An Abusive Relationship - An Interview With Triptta Butkovich Aug 31, 2021

A narcissistic personality operates in a way that drains its partner’s emotional, mental, or financial health. During the course of this toxic and abusive relationship, the victim would voluntarily give up their sense of self and boundaries. They would’ve even gone into the state of cognitive dissonance by not actively recognizing their own values in the hopes of pleasing somebody else.

After 16 years of living as a victim of narcissistic abuse, Triptta realized only she could change her situation. She went on doing recovery work to regain that sense of self and rediscover her personal boundaries. Although it’s difficult to go through the healing process, she believes that doing so opens opportunities for a better, healthier partnership and parenthood.

Triptta Neb Butkovich is the founder of DesignYou, a company that helps you discover how to take back your power and learn to love yourself again. Her mission is to provide a safe and open environment for victims of narcissistic and emotional abuse, to help them learn to value themselves and begin to enjoy healthy relationships again.

In this episode:

08:32 Unlike those with narcissistic personality disorder, people with narcissistic tendencies can connect with others emotionally.

11:56 A narcissist's survival lies in their way of being. They use their relationships as "supplies" to feel better about themselves.

16:49 Narcissists typically don't change. While it's possible to empathize and sympathize with them, the partner should look into building their own sense of self and setting boundaries in their relationship.

21:14 How Triptta goes about building her sense of self after being abused for so long

24:59 The need to dissolve the relationship depends on whether or not someone has the disorder. Although this doesn't apply to those with narcissistic tendencies, their partner has yet to do some inner processing by reflecting on the following questions: Who am I today? What are my values today? What are the boundaries that I've given up for myself?

29:54 The healing journey using a multi-layered, three-pronged approach on the body, mind, and soul

33:33 How practicing your personal boundaries and decision making aligns with your values and legacy statement

36:24 How to get in touch with Triptta

39:15 Self-healing or doing the recovery work gives an ability to co-create healing with a partner and creates a ripple effect by being an inspiration to children or the community

Mentioned

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Check out the transcript to this episode in Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 282: How To Use The 6th Love Language In Your Relationship - Part 2 Aug 24, 2021

Contrary to the other five, the love language of personal space isn’t expressed in an active manner, but rather it's being intentional, supportive, and respectful with one another. It gives someone permission to spend time reflecting, contemplating, and doing other inner processes.

While it’s romantic to have connection and engagement in a relationship, it’s also true that couples who are deeply committed in their relationship need space and time apart. However, putting this idea into practice brings up fear and insecurity sometimes.

Today’s episode is the continuation of How to Use the 6th Love Language in Your Relationship, discussing what hinders a couple’s ability to give and/or receive space and solitude, what expectations to consider in order to devise a compromise acceptable to both sides, how to assess our need for space, and finally, how to practice the 6th love language in your relationship in conscious and proactive ways.

In this episode:

07:40 The gift of personal space and solitude is presumed by many as the 6th love language. This act of love and care is particularly helpful to introverts, highly-sensitive, and artistic people.

09:48 Practicing this love language helps empaths achieve clarity on things they’ve been contemplating about. This is supported by a research study on liminal space where some of the best inventions, equations, and ideas are said to be coming from.

13:55 Modern living as well as changes in our relationship norms and stereotypical roles make it difficult for us to get a true sense of space. This could especially be true for people who are living in close quarters, people sheltered in place during the time of the pandemic, and individuals who can hardly differentiate time for self-care, romance, work, and domestic responsibility.

18:26 Inquiring about your partner's expectations is a helpful starting place to begin the conversation. From here, you can start to work together to achieve a win-win solution. One method is to take into account our family background, what we’re used to, and how our sense of culture was negotiating time and space.

20:06 Reflecting on the following areas can also help inform your expectations in partnership: Do you depend on your partner to fulfill many of your needs? How are you with self-care? Are you honest about your needs? Do you take comfort in being alone?

24:22 When inquiring about your partner's expectations, you may also want to consider the levels of attention, engagement, and communication that each of you is willing to give and/or receive.

28:28 A guide to knowing our need for space

32:10 The gift of space and distance are shown in various forms, for example: being supportive of your partner’s endeavor, allowing your partner to enjoy their moments with friends, encouraging them to pursue their commitments, and being respectful with their hobbies

38:20 How to honor the 6th love language in your relationship

Mentioned

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Check out the transcript to this episode in Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 281: How To Use The 6th Love Language In Your Relationship Aug 17, 2021

Knowing your partner’s love language can offer positive outcomes in your relationship. The five love languages describe the different ways that romantic partners express and experience love. Oftentimes, the act of love that we’re willing to give is connected with our dominant language. Although it’s strenuous to match your partner’s especially in the early stages of your relationship, it can be achieved with practice and commitment to the process.

The practice of the 6th love language in your relationship is also pivotal to you and your partner's optimal living and real functioning. Taking time for one's self or self-care should not be viewed as a partial or total absence of engagement in the relationship. Here’s why. Today’s episode discusses how you can apply and cultivate the benefits of the 6th love language in your relationship to be more present, more available, and have more opportunities to engage in an authentic relationship with your partner.

In this episode:

04:19 Gary Chapman’s five love languages — words of affirmation, quality time, physical touch, acts of service, gifts — neatly package an individual’s preferred care style. Everyone has a primary love language that’s related to what they hope to receive from their partner.

11:03 The 6th love language — space — is an act of deep love and care where you give/ask your partner for space. This sense of space or solitude may come in the forms of physical or relational distance where a person takes time to contemplate, process, and feel one’s own truth.

12:47 Introverts and highly sensitive people value this love language more than others due to their absorbing nature. This allows them time to reflect, process, and be comfortable in their own company.

18:18 Emotional disconnect in relationships occurs when someone has mistakenly picked up on their partner’s non-verbal cues. To counteract this, revealing conversations that aim to articulate or educate both sides’ wants are necessary.

23:41 In times of conflict, men may benefit more from the 6th love language as they need a moment to breathe and process things before actively engaging with their partner. However, the difference in gender lies in the ability to name and articulate the concern.

28:53 On Jessica’s personal relationship: How the practice of revealing conversations and the 6th love language have sustained their healthy marriage

Mentioned

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Check out the transcript to this episode in Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 280: What We Expect Around Vulnerability In Relationship & Why It Matters - An Interview with Mitchell Smolkin Aug 10, 2021

The natural fear we feel when showing vulnerability is tied to our survival instinct. However, this fear can affect intimacy in our relationships. Working through the specific moments in our past which triggered this fear is a painful but rewarding process, and can allow us to grow and foster more intimate relationships.

The causes of our fears account for many factors including cultural and intergenerational trauma. Therefore, the most important elements to foster healing are open communication and creating a safe space to be vulnerable.

Mitchell Smolkin is a certified emotionally-focused couples therapist (EFT), Jungian psychoanalyst, published author, experienced public speaker, and the host of “The Dignity of Suffering Podcast.” He explains what we should expect around vulnerability in relationships & why it matters.

In this episode:

03:56 Introduction to Mitchell and EFT
07:24 Vulnerability in relationship is a particular skill that is practiced over a lifetime.
11:11 Cultural and intergenerational history are important contexts in the process of healing.
18:42 Vulnerability as a relational phenomena. Notice your first reactions to disconnection, name them, to track where the upset originates.
25:28 Hiding what you are feeling can't overwrite the nervous system. We have mirror neurons that actually anticipate partner's responses.
29:07 Just allowing another person can establish safety. However, being anti-social is tied to survival but this is terrible for intimacy.
35:26 How to discern between vulnerability and being afraid. Just talking about it with a professional creates the safety to get out of your cycles of fear.
44:01 Meaningful conversations need to happen in the right environments, as well as the right frames of mind. Partners are continuously learning how to make each other safe.
48:12 Connect with Mitchell

Mentioned

Mitchell Smolkin Website

Mitchell Smolkin Instagram

The Dignity of Suffering Podcast

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Check out the transcript to this episode in Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 279: How Extended Family's Support Can Impact the Health of a Couple - An Interview with Tracy McMillan Aug 03, 2021

Every single person needs secure relationships. While this is true for everyone, finding it is not always the simplest process—and here is where extended family comes in. Tracy McMillan, a television writer, relationship expert, and author joins the show to discuss how relationship problems almost always have roots in the family.

Tracy's own show called "Family or Fiance" fosters the healing of relationships by addressing generational trauma. She finds that partners in relationship come out of the show feeling liberated when they experience breakthroughs with their families.

Tracy is an accomplished author whose works include Mad Men, Good Girls Revolt, Marvel's Runaways, and United States of Tara. She has written three books including a relationship book called Why You’re Not Married… Yet and a memoir called I Love You and I'm Leaving You Anyway.

In this episode:

03:47 Introduction to Tracy and her unique voice as a relationship expert
12:33 Spirituality helps create secure attachment. This is a human need regardless of sex or gender.
14:07 Relationships as needs: Now less about survival and more about self-actualization.
19:25 Healing a relationship is healing generational trauma. Breakthroughs can happen in an instant and all it takes is honesty to oneself.
25:15 Creating visibility and normalizing therapy is the main goal of Family or Fiance. It helps change the narrative in communities that do not believe in therapy.
29:10 Families find unity and common ground with their experience on Family or Fiance.
32:49 How to connect with Tracy

Mentioned

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Check out the transcript to this episode in Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 278: How Codependency Relates to Anger and What to Do About It - An Interview with Michelle Farris Jul 27, 2021

It is common for codependent people to be people pleasers. While this strategy is effective at avoiding conflict, it also builds up anger and resentment that your partner may not even know about. Michelle Farris is a licensed psychotherapist, anger management specialist, and course creator. She discusses how letting go of codependence is not an easy task as the anger that so often accompanies codependence feels too familiar.

Toxic codependence does not have to be a permanent reality. Michelle explains that therapy provides a safe space to work out the root cause of your pain and allows you to go through the complex process of recovery. Michelle's work helps codependent people trust themselves and create mutually satisfying relationships. She has been featured on Psych Central, Bustle, Your Tango, The Good Men Project, and The Daily Positive to name a few.

In this episode:

07:18 Codependency is a relationship pattern that focuses on others at the expense of yourself. It relies on external validation. Recovery helps people discover their personal identities.
08:58 Identifying the traits of codependence that are hurting you is the first step of recovery. It may take years to become ready to let go as there is a painful withdrawal process that must be undertaken.
15:50 Saying no takes practice. Start with the safest people who are okay with you saying no and start with the "baby nos."
18:26 Codependent people may not relate with the word anger, as it may be too scary, but can typically relate with resentment.
21:14 Voicing what hurt you is a liberating experience. It has the potential of changing the dynamics of your relationship because it creates awareness of what you're feeling, something which may not have been apparent before.
24:49 Codependents don't go to anger immediately. It is, in many ways, a secondary emotion that comes after hurt. But festering anger and feelings of being a victim begin with hurt not being handled in the first place.
29:04 When anger leads to rage it is critical to be mindful. It is probably not the best time to talk and you may need to take some time off and walk away before returning.
32:10 Anger at oneself is tricky territory. It's important to have a safe community, perhaps in therapy, where you are validated that you did the best you can given your circumstances and you can make a different choice when you are ready.
34:15 Recovery involves fixing your relationship with yourself, improving your relationship skills, and doing the childhood work. This is not linear and the issues with each aspect happen at the same time, making recovery a complex endeavor.
37:03 An addiction to relationship is additionally complex as having it is a biological necessity. However, what therapy does is lessen the dependence on other people.
42:17 Receiving a favor is a practice that not only helps you take care of yourself but also allows others to be present in your life.
44:46 How to get in touch with Michelle and learn more about Counseling Recovery

Mentioned

Counseling Recovery Website

Counseling Recovery Checklist

ERP 260: How to Break Free from Codependency in a Relationship – an Interview with Sherry Gaba

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Check out the transcript to this episode in Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 277: How To Cultivate More ‘Authentic Relating’ In Relationship - An Interview with Sara Ness Jul 20, 2021

Authentic relating refers to how you express your own authentic self, the way you seek the same from your partner, and the dynamic created in between. Sara Ness, an internationally acclaimed facilitator, teacher, and community-builder popularized the field of Authentic Relating through the use of authentic relating games.

The values of authentic relating include awareness, empathy, honesty, and the importance of creating space. Not only does this help romantic relationships blossom into their most authentic forms, but it also helps multinational organizations like Google, Mindvalley, and Burning Man grow in authentic leadership and communication.

Sara Ness wrote the source text for Authentic Relating and has worked with tens of thousands of students in more than 100 communities on every continent except Antarctica.

In this episode:

04:12 Authentic relating involves 3 perspectives: ourselves (authenticity), the other person and how we relate, and the space in between. There is a constant feeling out of how much of our authentic truth we bring and seek, and the synergy between.
08:39 Authentic relating games like Withholds and Appreciations allow you to look at your relationship instead of simply being in it. These exercises reveal, through honest communication, relationship patterns that may act as barriers in relationship.
13:11 The Noticing game puts to words the feelings, sensations, and lines of thoughts you have with your partner. It reveals the idea of presence in connection with someone else.
18:04 Authenticity has layers and is congruent to the values we are committed to. Your values will dictate the level and kind of authenticity you respond from.
22:00 Authentic relating exercises are also effective within multinational companies like Google, as well as the addiction recovery space and diversity discussions.
25:08 It is even possible to use authentic relating games to actually meet your romantic partner because it teaches how to set boundaries, make requests, and discover your values within a relationship.
30:54 Knowing what helps you recover from a trigger before it even happens is one of the most powerful things you can do in relationship.
33:36 Making a request is about changing behavior. This must be navigated caringly as different people and social cultures may have different ways of communication. Space must be created for these behaviors to change.
39:40 The act of making request is complex and involves vulnerability. Sometimes there is a need to go through conflict to figure out what your request truly is.
43:37 How to get in touch with Sara and learn more about Authentic Relating

Mentioned

ERP 215: How to Deal with Being “Alone Together”

ERP 216: What to Know about Loneliness and Relationship

ERP 273: How to Handle The Concern Of Vulnerability Not Working In Relationship

The Authentic Revolution website

The Authentic Revolution Instagram page

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Check out the transcript to this episode in Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 276: Understanding The Need For Both Self-Regulation And Co-Regulation In Relationship - An interview With Deb Dana Jul 13, 2021

Self and co-regulation is an essential human need that couples need to understand to know that their relationship is somewhere they can feel safe and come home to. Deb Dana, LCSW, clinician and consultant specializing in Polyvagal theory, joins the podcast to discuss what regulation is, its role in the nervous system, and how couples can apply it to their relationships.

Deb trains therapists worldwide on the Polyvagal approach. She is co-founder of The Polyvagal Institute and author of The Polyvagal Theory in Therapy: Engaging the Rhythm of Regulation and Polyvagal Exercises for Safety and Connection: 50 Client-Centered Practices.

Deb is also the co-editor with Stephen Porges of Clinical Application of the Polyvagal Theory: The Emergence of Polyvagal Informed Therapies and developer of the Rythm of Regulation clinical training series among many other pioneering works into this space.

In this episode:

06:21 Co-regulation is the first organizing principle of polyvagal theory. It is a biological need to survive and to experience well-being. For people living with trauma, this did not happen in a safe environment and led to self-regulation instead.
08:40 Neuroception is the second organizing principle. It refers to the nervous system's way of getting information. The nervous system is constantly listening to three pathways: inside the body, the environment, and other nervous systems.
09:57 Hierarchy is the third organizing principle. There are three states that we visit all the time: ventral (safety and connection), sympathetic (fight and flight), and dorsal (disconnect and shutdown).
13:25 Co-dysregulation in relationship is common and when this happens the prefrontal cortex doesn't work the way it should. For couple therapy to be effective, one system must be anchored in ventral.
17:52 Protective strategies keep partners sympathetically charged. Since biology keeps nervous systems in this state, timing is important so that connection happens. Reaching by one partner while the other is in this state will result in pushback.
27:28 Tips for couples in dysregulated phases and using language other nervous systems can understand.
35:01 Asking who, what, where, when is an exercise to anchor to ventral and feel safe.
43:07 Contact Deb and learn more about the Polyvagal approach.

Mentioned

The Polyvagal Institute Website

Rhythm of Regulation Website

The Polyvagal Theory in Therapy: Engaging the Rhythm of Regulation (*Amazon book link)

Polyvagal Exercises for Safety and Connection: 50 Client-Centered Practices (*Amazon book link)

Polyvagal Flip Chart: Understanding the Science of Safety (*Amazon book link)

Clinical Application of the Polyvagal Theory: The Emergence of Polyvagal Informed Therapies (*Amazon book link)

Befriending Your Nervous System: Looking Through the Lens of Polyvagal Theory (*Amazon audiobook link)

Anchored: How to Befriend Your Nervous System Using Polyvagal Theory (*Amazon book link)

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Check out the transcript to this episode in Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 275: How To Build A Healthy Relationship When In Recovery - An interview With Chantal Jauvin Jul 06, 2021

Substance abuse disorder wreaks havoc on a relationship with trust being one of the first to erode. Chantal Jauvin, an attorney and book author, joins the podcast to talk on the ASCENT approach which couples in recovery can practice to make their recovery journey successful and reignite the love that may have been lost due to addiction.

Chantal, for all her expertise which made her General Counsel of a Fortune 500 company, did not know how to save her husband from the grips of addiction or building a relationship while in recovery. It took years of soul work and interactions with other couples to produce her second book, Love Without Martinis, to share the lessons she learned along the way.

In this episode:

03:59 Chantal learns about substance use disorder and collects couples' stories to share to others as a learning tool.

06:12 Recovery covers three aspects: The one suffering, the one who loves them, and the relationship itself.

13:50 Couples can recover successfully from substance abuse with the ASCENT approach.

18:09 A: Assess readiness to change. Shift focus from what cannot be done to what can be done. The Stoplight Method makes it smoother to move areas that are red to yellow and eventually green.

28:07 S: Structure your time. This creates accountability, a key aspect in building trust, and conveys what matters to you and what you truly value.

31:33 C: Create your community. Addiction creates trauma and emotional baggage, so meeting new people, it provides a fresh start without the guilt associated with past behaviors. It also teaches you on how to set healthy boundaries.

34:43 E: Engage in your life. To feel the joy of living, to get fired up, you need to assume responsibility for your own life. Engaging in what makes you happy helps your own individual growth, as well as the growth of the couple itself.

38:47 N: Nurture your spirituality. This allows each partner to pause and become self-aware to break the chain reaction of action and reaction which is so prevalent in substance abuse disorder.

41:24 T: Treasure your partnership. A touch, smile, or compliment says, "I see you" and creates meaning.

Mentioned

Chantal's website
Chantal's Facebook
Chantal's Instagram
Chantal's LinkedIn
Love Without Martinis Amazon page (*Amazon Link)

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Check out the transcript to this episode in Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

*With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 274: How Increasing Relationship Love & Health Can Impact Borderline Personality Disorder – An Interview With Gabrielle Usatynski Jun 29, 2021

Borderline personality disorders make things appear as black and white with no integration between the two. It manifests as rejecting the love and support from a partner, the very thing that a person with this disorder actually needs in the first place.

Gabrielle Usatynski, a licensed professional counselor and relationship expert, explains that borderline personality disorders cause radical misperceptions which cause confusion in relationship. Displaying compassion plays a central role in healing the very source of the trauma to result in more loving and fulfilling relationships.

Gabrielle is the host of the new TV show "Iconic Couples of History" and the Founder of the Power Couples Institute. She has been featured in Cosmopolitan, Counseling Today, and Women's Health. She has an upcoming book entitled "The Power Couple Formula" due for release later this year.

In this episode:

06:51 Personality disorders impair the way we look at our identity and the identity of others. This has a significant impact on displays of empathy and intimacy in relationship.

13:15 "Splitting" in personality disorders means a person cannot integrate opposing thoughts and only sees things as one or another. There is a lack of integration between the two, something which normally develops very early in life.

18:57 There is a nurture aspect to borderline personality disorders which is attributed to trauma, abuse, and/or neglect. Any sabotage to a growing person's self-activation will manifest in relationships well into adulthood.

26:46 Borderline personality disorder affects the socio-emotional capacity to separate raw emotions and physiological experiences. It is a lack of neural integration that results in poor reality testing.

35:08 Clinicians can easily misdiagnose borderline personality disorders. There is a need for partners to display love and compassion to address the root trauma that is causing so much disconnect in relationship.

41:01 Borderline personalities sabotage the very thing they need the most, which is the love and security they receive from their partners.

44:53 How to care for a partner with borderline personality disorder.

51:34 Having a third party observe the dynamics of a relationship and attempt to fix the system can create profound changes in the individuals.

53:42 Couples with a shared mission, an organized principle between them, give a reason to hold in the relationship through the good and bad times.

56:35 Get in touch with Gabrielle.

Mentioned

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Check out the transcript to this episode in Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

ERP 273: How To Handle The Concern Of Vulnerability Not Working In Relationship Jun 22, 2021

Vulnerability is a key aspect in connecting with your partner. It makes you feel seen and provides a sense of belonging. However, the longing to feel known and the fear of letting down our guard are two competing human needs that must be understood with compassion.

In many cases, our own protective strategies helped us survive trauma and pain in the past. However, many years later, these same strategies prevent us from becoming seen, validated, and known. Today's episode discusses some of the most common protective strategies and what you can do to turn it around and increase intimacy in relationship.

In this episode:

05:25 Vulnerability cultivates connection. Disconnect happens when there is a block between the call of one partner and the response of the other.

10:02 Being vulnerable is difficult. The desire for intimacy is there but an inner conflict based on fear holds us back from allowing ourselves to be vulnerable.

14:42 Having a safe container for vulnerability is paramount. This is rooted in biology via the polyvagal system which requires us to have reciprocal and safe interactions with our closest connections.

18:42 The most successful couples respond to each other’s "bids" or calls and responses. This allows couples to feel validated and seen.

22:14 Unsuccessful attempts at vulnerability are caused by "blocks" or personal protective strategies. It has been proven that humans choose safety and familiarity over intimacy and vulnerability during critical moments.

29:15 The desire to be known and to protect against hurt are two competing human needs. Being in a threatened state makes it impossible to access vulnerability and have constructive conversations.

31:13 Examples of protective tendencies that get in the way vulnerability include people-pleasing, intellectualizing/explaining/defending, numbing out, getting angry/reacting, hiding, being resistant, denial, being stressed/tired, and independent stance.

38:02 Tips to cultivate vulnerability and increase intimacy in your relationship.

Mentioned

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Check out the transcript to this episode in Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

ERP 272: How to Keep Your Relationship Healthy During a High Demand Time (like having a newborn baby) - An Interview with Catherine O'Brien Jun 15, 2021

New parents cannot truly prepare for the profound changes a baby brings. Catherine O’Brien, Licensed Marriage, Family Therapist, and founder of HappyWithBaby.com shares tips to keep your relationship strong despite the very real challenges of raising kids.

One of the most common changes new parents experience is the disconnect that brews between them due to the demands of the baby. The secret to overcoming this and even strengthening your relationship is by honestly communicating what your needs are and validating each other when parenting is done right.

In this episode:

05:31 Introduction to Catherine O'Brien

06:25 Prenatal classes to prepare for your first child are important but having a baby brings unforeseen consequences, such as creating a disconnect with your partner.

11:18 Each parent feels like they are doing all the work. Postpartum communication is critical to share the load and make sure you and your partner know what tasks need to be done and by whom.

14:29 Communication also strengthens your connection with your partner. This connection can fade given the enormous number of tasks needed to raise a child.

19:00 Take stock of your own needs first then see how you can be there for your partner next. This way, you can both bond with your baby in a meaningful way.

22:49 It's normal to not enjoy every moment of being a parent. Acknowledging and validating each other is important to keep your love alive and foster positive growth as parents.

25:14 Having a united front and handling unwanted parenting advice.

31:47 Catherine's baby-friendly tips for self-care and reigniting your relationship.

39:46 How to get in touch with Catherine and her Facebook group.

Mentioned

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Check out the transcript to this episode in Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

ERP 271: How Forgiveness Plays A Powerful Role In Relationship - An Interview With Judith Belmont Jun 08, 2021

Holding on to the past may seem like gaining power over things that cannot be changed, but the opposite is true. Judith Belmont, motivational speaker, author, and psychotherapist for 40 years, advises that forgiving makes you and your relationship happier and more loving.

Forgiveness is essential to become free of the pains of the past. The hurt may never leave, but it can be managed positively so that you no longer have to bring it into your relationship and instead focus on the here and now.

Judith is the author of 9 mental health and wellness books and therapeutic card decks, including Embrace Your Greatness and The Anxiety and Stress Solution Deck. Her books cover self-help, personal development, and tips and tools for therapists working with clients.

In this episode:

04:17 Introduction to Judith Belmont

06:43 Forgiving does not condone an action that was taken. What it does is allow you to move on from your past and prevent another person from gaining power over you.

10:28 Reliving the hurt of the past means that you will never be free of it. This is the opposite of mindfulness which is defined as non-judgmental awareness.

15:41 People don't want to be wronged. Forgiveness may seem counterproductive to this sense of righteousness, but it allows you to overcome a former way of thinking that is no longer relevant to you and your life today.

17:02 In relationship, living your partner's narrative of you makes you at the mercy of someone else and distorts your self-esteem.

20:07 The hardest thing for most people is forgiving themselves as people are notoriously less forgiving of themselves than others.

23:31 Forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself. Forgiveness is giving up your righteousness that you were wronged or you wronged yourself, accepting what happened and growing from it.

28:58 Reclaim your power over your feelings. It is YOU who allowed yourself to feel something with someone else's actions. Be a victor instead of being a victim.

33:15 Feeling hurt is necessary to let you know that something wrong happened. In fact, some situations will deepen you because of the hurt. You can manage hurt instead of carrying it.

37:29 Judith's tips and strategies for forgiving others and yourself

40:11 Information on Judith's books, therapeutic cards, and website

Mentioned

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Check out the transcript to this episode in Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

ERP 270: How To Resolve Relational Trauma in The Body Through Dance & Movement - An Interview with Orit Krug Jun 01, 2021

People who live with relational trauma develop hypersensitive nervous systems as a survival instinct. Orit Krug, an award-winning Board-Certified Dance and Movement Therapist, explains that this results in a disconnect between what the mind wants and the body feels, hindering us from experiencing true intimacy in loving relationships.

Certain movements represent certain behaviors and desired ones can be triggered through dance and movement. As trauma is also expressed in physical posturing and habits, dance therapy can rewire new patterns of behavior through body movement and desire for a healthy and loving space.

Orit has over a decade of experience helping women heal from past trauma and enjoy healthy lifelong relationships with their partners. Orit founded the “Mind Your Body” podcast and has been featured in Elephant Journal, ThriveGlobal, Authority Magazine, as well as quoted in SELF & INSIDER.

In this episode:

01:52 Relationships are mirrors that reveal wounded aspects of ourselves. Addressing these ignored areas allows us to become better equipped in navigating long-term relational intimacy.

04:10 Introduction to Orit Krug: Her history of trauma and expertise in dance and movement therapy.

09:13 Trauma gets trapped in the nervous system and causes us to become hyper vigilant. Survival responses are designed to keep us safe and cannot be changed by simply adopting mindsets.

13:40 People living with trauma attract negative relationships that sabotage intimacy and pleasure because of its familiarity.

16:32 Recognize avoidant and numbing behavior patterns in intimate relationships that cause disconnects between mind and body. Getting triggered by these automatic reactions clouds our access to our higher brains and prevents sexual intimacy.

21:39 As memories of trauma are stored in our bodies as different sensations, dance and movement therapy provide a safe space to tune in again. This therapy also helps expand our window of tolerance for being vulnerable in a relationship.

29:44 Different movements represent different behaviors. How we hold our body is a habitual and physiological manifestation that prevents us from becoming the best versions of ourselves.

35:36 How dance therapy works: Revealing behavioral patterns in your relationship and feeling a space between your instinctive reactions and actual responses to heal from years of trauma

46:06 Information on Orit's free programs and Facebook group

Mentioned

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Check out the transcript to this episode in Dr. Jessica Higgin's website.

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

ERP 269: How To Break Free From The Nice Guy Syndrome That Is Holding You Back - An Interview With Dr. Robert Glover May 25, 2021

The Nice Guy Syndrome has become the norm for so many men. Dr. Robert Glover, author of the book "No More Mr. Nice Guy," comes on today's show to tell us how to unlearn this passive-aggressive persona, overcome sexual shame, and enjoy healthier relationships.

Dr. Robert Glover shares his own history of living as a Nice Guy and the breaking points that told him enough is enough. He has spent over 30 years helping men and women get the love, sex, and life they want. His groundbreaking books, classes, podcasts, and seminars have helped form the foundation for a growing world-wide men’s movement.

In this episode:

02:42 Dr. Jessica Higgins revisits the Empowered Relationship Podcast intention to achieve long-lasting intimacy.

07:00 Introduction to Dr. Robert Glover and the "Nice Guy Syndrome."

10:20 Unpacking "Covert Contracts" and the paradigm of the Nice Guy

14:49 The Nice Guy Syndrome: Anxiety, shame, passive-aggressive behavior. Dr. Glover explains that this begins as an infant's precognitive response to pain that gets carried into adulthood.

23:23 No More Mr. Nice Guy teaches that there is a better alternative to the "default" roadmap of Nice Guys: Fear of confrontation, agreeing too much, and the inability to take a clear stand.

32:15 Nice Guys mindsets on expectations and attraction, including passive-aggressive behavior, are fundamentally flawed.

37:09 Pushing down wants and needs leads to problems with intimacy, living fantasy worlds, and porn. Too often, Nice Guys assume that they have to conceal their interest in a girl due to their sexual shame.

43:17 Tips and strategies: Dr. Glover gives practical advice so Nice Guys can take control and be honest with themselves.

52:41 How to contact Dr. Robert Glover

Mentioned

robert@drglover.com
Dr. Robert Glover's Website
No More Mr Nice Guy Homepage
Dating Essentials For Men
Get your own copy of at No More Mr. Nice Guy at Amazon

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

ERP 268: How To Save & Transform A Sexless Marriage - An Interview With Irene Fehr May 18, 2021

In today's episode, I talk with Irene Fehr. We discuss how to be better prepared to navigate long-lasting intimacy and deal with the extensive range of emotions that come with long-term relationships. We also talk about what emotions may be activated and how we can learn new perspectives on our relationship by becoming more curious and explorative.

Ending up in a sexless marriage when she lost her libido, Irene felt shame around not sexually wanting her partner. She shut down and withdrew from life because she thought there was something wrong with her as a woman. From this point, Irene wanted to help other couples rediscover the magic of sex in all different stages to have a fulfilled intimate sexual experience, no matter how long a couple is together.

Listen in to learn why looking outside of your relationship to fix a sexless marriage won't work, how couples can create connection sex, and how Irene helps couples navigate and access needs and sexual desires.

(Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories, and examples.)

Bio

As a Sex and Intimacy Coach, Irene Fehr, MA, CPCC, has helped hundreds of committed couples to add sex and passion into sexless relationships and fall in love with each other again. She is no stranger to her clients' complaints, having recovered from the all-too-common story of "happy marriage turned sexless" when she lost her libido. You can read Irene's perspectives on sex, sexual desire in a long-term relationship, and women's libido in HuffPost, Cosmopolitan, Refinery29, and ScaryMommy.

In this episode, Irene Fehr & Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss:

Why friction sex has a shelf life and limits
The three types of sex during stages of relationships
How sex can get repetitive for couples
Why women can lose their libido
How stress can reduce your sex hormones
Why friction sex is fueled by drugs and alcohol
Where attachment is a factor in sex and relationships
How sex can turn into a battleground for validation
The three sex myths people fall into
How couples can allow for quality time together and more touch
The importance of making enough quality time together
Messaging around the arousal journey
Why you need to create space around your body as a woman

Mentioned

Visit Irene Fehr on the web
Free 3-video training “How to Want Sex Again"
Three types of sex as background

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

ERP 267: 4 Healthy Ways To Manage Jealousy In Relationship - An interview With Dr. Joli Hamilton May 11, 2021

In today's episode, Dr. Joli Hamilton speaks about jealousy, defining what jealousy is and approaching jealousy in a relationship. Jealousy isn't a simple emotion and is made in tangled layers of gross emotions we don't like to feel, such as sadness, anger, grief, arousal, and fear.

Jealousy reminds us that we love, lust, and desire someone that has this strange tone. Envy plays along with jealousy as we are wishing we had something someone else has. Insecurity plays a role as it's a root cause of intense jealousy and reduces our resilience in relationships.

Listen in to learn how to separate the feelings of insecurity from jealousy, what can be perceived as a threat in a relationship, and why we wish we could be protected from jealousy.

(Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories, and examples.)

Bio

Dr. Joli Hamilton is a research psychologist, best-selling author, TEDx speaker, and AASECT certified sex educator. She has spent the past two decades balancing a wild entrepreneurial spirit with a deep desire to have a secure, passionate partnership along with raising 7 kids along the way! Joli is committed to helping women create sustainable, soul-nourishing relationships without sacrificing their career dreams.

In this episode, Dr. Hamilton & Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss:

The definition of jealousy as it applies to relationships
Why imagining our relationship being interrupted by another can provoke jealousy
How insecurity plays into jealousy in a relationship
Why envy results from insecurity
Work we can do to improve our own self-esteem
Types of threats people can perceive with jealousy
The importance of why we need to feel like we have something to give in a relationship
Variables that can affect jealousy in a relationship
Why having mutual understanding is so important
How childhood trauma affects jealousy
Techniques for managing jealousy
Why monogamy doesn’t protect you from feelings of jealousy
Grief plays a significant role in jealousy
Four ways to deal with jealousy

Mentioned

Dr. Joli Hamilton on the web
Polysecure the book

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

ERP 266: How To Access More Vulnerability & Curiosity During Difficult Conversations - An Interview With Shana James May 04, 2021

In today's episode, Shana James and I talk about being more vulnerable and showing more transparency about our experience, intentions, and hopes and how this can help promote more intimacy in relationships.

When relating to others, on one end of the spectrum we can be people-pleasing and shame collapsing. On the opposite side, we can be controlling and dominant. Neither option leads to a fulfilling relationship. Whereas in the middle, we have a sense of assertiveness, strength, and having an open heart with transparency and vulnerability. Having a healthy balance and a dynamic exchange between two people centered around support is the most advantageous for building relationships.

Having a conversation based on "compassionate curiosity" without jumping to assumptions or conclusions can lead to great learning and understanding. The more you take leadership in the conversation, the more you can be available to feel your partner's fears.

Listen in to learn how to create a safe space for both partners, how to turn your emotional walls into doorways for conversation, and how to collaborate together for heightened sex and intimacy.

(Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories, and examples.)

Bio

For 15 years Shana James coached more than a thousand leaders, CEOs, authors and people with big visions to find love, step into more powerful leadership, start and grow businesses, create a legacy, and become more personally inspired and fulfilled.

Shana cuts through distraction and provides direct access to confidence, power and clarity. She is also a translator between women and men, providing effective tools to transform conversations and dynamics that have gone awry into connection.

In this episode, Shana & Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss:

Humanity, trust and feeling safe inside relationships and at work
How to show up for yourself in your relationship
Why you don’t need to flip to the complete opposite side of an archetype
Getting into a locked dynamic when one person in a partnership isn’t being vulnerable
What challenging each other through love can look like
How to motivate or encourage people who are afraid to be vulnerable
Why practicing conversation with someone is important
The importance of feeling seen and heard for females in a relationship

Mentioned

Shana James Coaching on the web
What 1000’s Men’s Tears Reveal Ted Talk by Shana James

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

ERP 265: How to Break Through Relationship Fears with Your SO - an Interview with Georgia Morley and Silver Storic Apr 27, 2021

In today's episode, Georgia, Silver, and I chat about how to take a different perspective with your partner, how to know each other more deeply and have the ability to cultivate intimacy in relationship.

Prior to meeting, Georgia hadn’t thrived in relationships and Silver had essentially written them off completely. When Silver and Georgia entered into relationship, they decided to start to open up to each other as never before. They recorded every conversation and used their talking points to create their first book together.

We often aren't taught intimacy in our life. It can be helpful to reflect on which patterns are healthy and which are not. Then, you can practice shifting out of the unhealthy patterns, so that you can give yourself room to grow in relationship.

Listen in to learn how to hold space for each other in a relationship; self-development works as it applies to building your relationship with others and peering into a new relationship or aspect of your life.

(Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories, and examples.)

Bio

Georgia Morley is an Emotional Resilience Coach,CBT, relationship mentor with over 10 years experience working with women around addiction, physical and emotional body health, developmental trauma and sexual reclamation after abuse.

Silver Storic is an Author and Mentor boldly showing up as a Global Connection Ambassador, leading workshops and keynotes on Radical Truth and recovery from codependency. Silver co-authored the Amazon bestseller Better Business, Better Life, Better World - The Movement.

Together, Georgia & Silver share their life's work of freedom from codependent themes and painful relationship patterns that oppress relationships and keep couples from experiencing true intimacy in partnership.

In this episode, Georgia, Silver, & Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss:

How to live a life of fulfillment and love
The types of confines we put on our relationships
How Georgia and Silver co-created their ideal relationship together
The three elements of relationship
Why wounds and trauma show up in our adult relationship
Changing the somatic and cognitive experiences of your life
Losing perspective of yourself and your relationship
Acknowledging toxic aspects and relationships as unhealthy patterns
How to have love leadership in your relationship
Creating healthy practices for yourself and your relationship
Living inside the feeling of discomfort

Mentioned

Love, Life and Legacy
Follow on Instagram
Check out their Facebook Group

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

ERP 264: How To Increase Your Emotional Intelligence In Relationship - An Interview with Robin Hills Apr 20, 2021

In today's episode, Robin Hills and I chat about emotional intelligence and how your EI can improve your relationship. Robin talks about his life-long journey in developing EI skills for himself and what emotional intelligence looks like in action.

As emotional beings, we can't manage our "emotional platter" all the time. There are times when we aren't feeling well, and we won't be at our EI best. In addition, we can find times to give others space when they need an emotional break.

Self-awareness plays a significant role in emotional intelligence. Those with high self-awareness tend to be the people with good EI, and those with low self-awareness tend to have low EI. Working on self-awareness is a skill that can be used to reflect on how your preferences and behaviors are manifesting themselves.

Listen in to learn why empathy is a significant part of acquiring EI, why it's OK for men to express emotions, and how EI starts when you are a baby.

(Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories, and examples.)

Bio

Robin is the director of Ei4Change, a company specialized in emotional intelligence, positive psychology and neuroscience. He has taught more than 100,000 students how to build resilience, increased self-awareness and understanding of others. His programs are today used in educational establishments in South Africa and India. He is the author of two books and has developed the experiential coaching methodology: Images of Resilience, and sits on the North West Committee of the Association of Business Psychology.

In this episode, Robin Hill & Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss:

Variables that can affect your emotional intelligence
How emotional intelligence is managing your emotions and understanding others emotions through understanding and empathy
Why reflecting on self-awareness is a key element in moving toward EI balance
The role empathy plays in emotional intelligence and relationships
The importance of recognizing when others have a lower EI
Toxic relationships and how that plays in emotional intelligence
How Myers-Briggs and other tools can give you valuable personality information
The way we process information is a big part of understanding how to communicate with another
Tips for building emotional intelligence

Mentioned

Visit Robin on the web
Episode 199 How to Use Your Emotional Intelligence for Connection Part I
Episode 200 How to Use Your Emotional Intelligence for Connection Part II

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

ERP 263: How To Develop 3 Key Qualities Of Positive Masculine Leadership - An Interview GS Youngblood Apr 13, 2021

In today's episode, I'm chatting with GS Youngblood, a coach focusing on masculine energy. The values of clarity and leadership are what he uses as a basis for his model on masculine leadership. We talk about the masculine energy in relationship to the feminine energy and how each energy holds its own space in each relationship.

GS's practice focuses on what men can do to get over their "nice guy" energy in trying to appease everyone. His blueprints show men how to respond from their masculine core without feeling like they have to control everything around them.

Today, men are stuck in between taking control and pleasing their partner. GS's three-part blueprint shows men how to be grounded, create safety, choose to respond (rather than react) and to provide structure and clarity, which in turn greatly affects their relationship.

Listen in to learn how men can be more embodied, how the elements of his blueprint provide structure, and how to create safety in relationship.

(Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories, and examples.)

Bio

GS Youngblood coaches men in relationships on how to live, love, and lead from their Masculine core. He specializes in “nice guys” who are with strong women. His teachings combine deep embodiment work with the framework of the Masculine blueprint from his book “The Masculine in Relationship”.

In his past life, GS was a high-tech executive in Sales and Marketing for 16 years, including founding and selling a company. The leadership practices of Silicon Valley, based on clarity and inspiration rather than control, are a major influence on the model of Masculine leadership he shares with his clients.

In this episode, Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss:

How to bring masculine energy out into the world and your relationship
Details of each element of GS’s blueprint
Examples of how masculine energy works in a relationship
The “nice guy” dynamic in a relationship
How emotional pain takes a role in a relationship
Where men are getting stuck in their masculinity
How anxiety plays a role in stopping men from stepping into their masculine role
Example verbiage to use when creating clarity in asking for what you want
Why name calling your partner “crazy” is a bad choice for your relationship
How to connect to your heart and your sense of embodiment

Mentioned

Visit GS on the web
Connect with GS on Facebook
Follow GS on Instagram
The Masculine in Relationship: A Blueprint for Inspiring the Trust, Lust, and Devotion of a Strong Woman by GS Youngblood (book)*

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

ERP 262: How Do I Know When My Relationship Has Reached An End Apr 06, 2021

In today's episode, I will offer some input on what you want to be considering if you are doubting or questioning your relationship. Evaluating the choice to stay or go will matter depending on your commitment level, if you are dating or if you are in a long-term committed relationship or marriage.

Overall, it is tough to give a prescriptive answer that will fit everyone. Some standard deal-breakers make being in a relationship impossible or too harmful and painful such as abuse, addiction, or affairs.

Other times, we may experience nuances that make it difficult to be clear about "should I stay or should I go." It is confusing when we get into trying to compare other people's experiences to our own. One situation may mean two completely different things in different relationships.

The majority of the time, when I am helping couples work with their pain, conflict, upset, discord, I see how they are both playing into the problematic dynamic. The dynamic of the relationship is usually the source of disconnect between a couple.

Listen in to learn how to improve your current relationship, dating traps you can fall into, and how to figure out what is a real dealbreaker for you with your boundaries and values.

(Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories, and examples.)

In this episode, Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss:

Common deal breakers in relationships
Commitment level in relationship makes a difference when evaluating the relationship
How to get clear about what you are experiencing in relationship
When personal protection and defenses gets in the way of connecting in a relationship
Limits and boundaries during dating
Dating traps to avoid when seeking a healthy relationship
How fantasy bonds can cloud decision making
Learning about your boundaries and sense of value
How to get clear on what you want in a relationship
Warning signs for your relationship, which can be wake-up calls if you do the work

Mentioned

How to Break Free from CoDependency Episode 260
How to Strengthen your Relationship from a Polyvagal Perspective - an Interview with Dr. Stephen Porges Episode 261

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

ERP 261: How To Strengthen Your Relationship From A Polyvagal Perspective - An Interview with Dr. Stephen Porges Mar 30, 2021

In today’s episode, I’m joined by Stephen Porges, and we’ll be talking about how to create safety with reciprocal cues within a relationship from a polyvagal perspective. Polyvagal theory helps us understand how our nervous systems operate and how we can support our ability to be more present and open with another.

Stephen encourages us to consider how we typically view various aspects of relationship: the ways we experience attraction and bonding and our sense of love and long-term relationship. Through these understandings, we can improve our relationship by developing more connection, security and safety within our bonds.

Listen in to learn how our mammalian vagal pathway is linked to our facial expressions, how past trauma can affect your physical state from a polyvagal perspective, and why we need to respect and honor our feelings and bodies.

(Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories, and examples.)

Bio:

Stephen W. Porges, Ph.D. is Distinguished University Scientist at Indiana University where he is the founding director of the Traumatic Stress Research Consortium in the Kinsey Institute. He is the originator of the Polyvagal Theory, that emphasizes the importance of physiological state in the expression of behavioral, mental, and health problems related to traumatic experiences. He is the creator of a music-based intervention, the Safe and Sound Protocol™ , currently used by more than 1500 therapists to improve spontaneous social engagement, to reduce hearing sensitivities, and to improve language processing.

In this episode, Dr. Stephen Porges and Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss:

How the polyvagal theory relates to the couple experience
How our physiological state impacts our relationships with other people
What coregulation is and how it influences our interactions
Why the physiological state we are in can bias our decision-making
The important difference between being welcomed versus experiencing a reaction from another
What is happening for people when they shut down and disassociate
How gut problems can occur when our nervous system is shut down or in the dorsal response
Why trauma-based behavior often results in a state of becoming disembodied
The importance of social systems and how they may or may not support our nervous system and functioning
The initial stages of romance from a polyvagal perspective
The relationship between vulnerability and sitting still with people who have experienced trauma
How we can misunderstand the physiological state of someone’s facial expression and voice
How our interactions and relationships affect our health
Two major components of creating a stable, healthy relationship

Mentioned

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

ERP 260: How To Break Free from Codependency in a Relationship - An Interview With Sherry Gaba Mar 23, 2021

In today’s episode, I’m joined by Sherry Gaba, who has a clinical background with addiction and codependency, and we discuss where people get stuck with codependency. We talk about how problematic codependency can be and the loss of self that accompanies an unequal relationship.

She talks about codependency often involves an inability to control or abstain from compulsive behavior, why codependency affects females and males equally, and how the combination of narcissists and a codependent person can be particularly problematic.

Listen in to learn how trauma plays a role in codependency, why the healing starts with awareness, and how one can start connecting with themself.

(Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories, and examples.)

Bio:

Sherry Gaba, LCSW, is a licensed psychotherapist and life coach who helps people cope with codependency, addictions, trauma, and mental health issues. As a leading expert on addiction and recovery, Sherry’s TV appearances include: Vh1’s Celebrity Rehab, CNN, Inside Edition, the Robert Irvine Show, among others. Sherry is the author of the Amazon best seller Love Smacked: How to Stop the Cycle of Relationship Addiction and Codependency to Find Everlasting Love and Infinite Recovery which addresses addiction and alcoholism thru the lens of the law of attraction.

In this episode, Sherry Gaba and Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss:

What codependency is and what it looks like
The addiction aspect of codependency inside relationships
The obsessive and compulsive tendencies with codependency
How being a people pleaser can lead to codependency
A lack of boundaries and saying yes to every request is a sign of codependency
How repetition compulsion plays into codependency
The dynamic between narcissism and codependency
Types of history that can feed into codependency
The role shame has to play in relationships
Importance of asking yourself ‘who am I?’
How resentment shows up in codependency
Why you should say no and understand your personal and physical boundaries

Mentioned

Visit Sherry Gaba on the web
Wake Up Recovery Codependency Quiz
Become a Member of Wake Up Recovery
Sherry Gaba, LCSW and Author of Love Smacked: How to Stop the Cycle of Relationship Addiction and Codependency to find Everlasting Love * and Wake Up Recovery for Codependents

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

ERP 259: How To Improve Problematic Relationship Dynamics When ADHD Symptoms Exist - An Interview with Melissa Orlov Mar 16, 2021

In today’s episode, I’m joined by Melissa Orlov, one of the foremost authorities on how ADHD impacts adult relationships. She gives insight on what problematic dynamics to look for in your relationship when one partner is affected by ADHD, how ADHD affects household responsibilities and the relationship connection.

She talks about why the non-ADHD partner takes on more responsibilities in a relationship, how the non-ADHD partner ends up assuming a parenting role in an adult relationship, and her structure for helping people manage their ADHD symptoms.

Listen in to learn how to create a more supportive environment for both partners, the importance of accepting and working with ADHD symptoms, and approaching a conversation without anger and blame.

(Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories, and examples.)

Bio:

Melissa Orlov is the founder of ADHDmarriage.com, and author of two award-winning books on the impact of ADHD in relationships - The ADHD Effect on Marriage (2010) and The Couple's Guide to Thriving with ADHD (2014). She is considered one of the foremost authorities on the topic of how ADHD impacts adult relationships.

A marriage consultant, Melissa helps ADHD-affected couples from around the world re-balance their relationships and learn to thrive through her seminars, consulting and books. She also teaches marriage counselors and other professionals about effective marriage therapy for couples impacted by ADHD.

In this episode, Melissa Orlov and Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss:

The different relationships dynamics that couples experience when one partner has ADHD
How ADHD symptoms can easily be misinterpreted
Chronic resentment be fallout with the non-ADHD partner when dynamics are strained
Why ADHD symptomatic behaviors get in the way of being an adult partner
The grief, hurt, and anger that results from broken promises of ADHD partner
Suggestions on how to manage adult ADHD
Why both partners need to participate in managing ADHD
How shame can be translated into anger for the ADHD adult
Examples of actions both partners can do to co-regulate their relationship

Mentioned

Visit Melissa Orlov on the web
Join Melissa’s Couples Seminar
Listen in to Episode 51: How to Thrive with ADHD in Your Relationship
The ADHD Effect on Marriage: Understand and Rebuild Your Relationship in Six Steps* (book) by Melissa Orlov

The Couple's Guide to Thriving with ADHD* (book) by Melissa Orlov

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

ERP 258: How To Create Powerfully Positive Connections - An Interview with Dan Solin Mar 09, 2021

In today’s episode, I’m joined by Dan Solin who helps us understand our conversations and interactions with others, as well as how to cultivate more happiness and positivity in our relationships.

He talks about gaining awareness around what can get activated during a discussion or activity within a relationship, growing your capacity for love, happiness, and fulfillment, and how to encourage your partner to move towards you and to become responsive.

Listen in to learn how to take advantage of shifting attack and criticism to more connections and why the more you empower the other person to talk about themselves, the healthier your relationship will be.

(Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories, and examples.)

Bio:

Dan Solin is the author of the new book, Ask: How to Relate to Anyone. He is a New York Times bestselling author of the Smartest series of investing books and The Smartest Sales Book You’ll Ever Read.

Dan’s books have been widely praised by The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, The Library Journal, Vanguard co-founder John Bogle and many financial columnists, authors and others.

In this episode, Dan Solin and Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss:

Research-based principles for navigating relationships
How our partners understand and translate our words in their mind with their filter
How we can reverse-engineer positive relationships
Why we need a basic understanding of neuropsychology and science
The significance of empowering people to talk about themselves
How reverse-engineering a relationship affect hormones in the body
Improving poor communication in relationships
Why you shouldn’t engage in negative behaviors when fighting
The importance of sacrificing the spotlight to develop a relationship
How to comment and pivot to enhance conversation in your relationship
Why switching from telling to asking questions in a conversation is incredibly powerful in a conversation

Mentioned

Visit Dan Solin on the web
Ask: How To Relate To Anyone by Dan Solin*

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

ERP 257: A New Paradigm For Understanding True Sexual Connection And Intimacy - An Interview With Diana Richardson Mar 02, 2021

In today’s episode, I’m joined by Diana Richardson, who talks about the practice of conscience lovemaking. She speaks from the perspective of a heterosexual connection and notes that couples of any gender orientation can adapt these same practices and principles in their love life.

She talks about why you shouldn’t focus solely on the peak moments while lovemaking, the psychological and physical tension while having sex, and performance pressure. Rather, Diana explains the concept of feeling your body from the inside and connecting with your significant other with attention to the awareness of the subtleties.

Listen in to learn how Diana teaches couples to anchor themselves inside their own bodies, why we have lost the capacity to sense our bodies, and why the details of our feelings get lost in the search for bigger, more intense physical and emotional feelings.

(Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories, and examples.)

Bio:

Diana Richardson, born in South Africa, is one of today’s leading authorities on human sexuality. Author of 8 books, including best selling “Tantric Sex for Men”, “The Heart of Tantric Sex” and “Tantric Orgasm for Women”. Her interest in the body prompted a personal exploration into the union of sex and meditation - the essence of Tantra. Since 1993, she and her partner host weeklong retreats for couples in tantric lovemaking in Europe.

In this episode, Diana Richardson and Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss:
- Why conscience lovemaking supports all couples who make love
- Differences between conventional lovemaking and conscious lovemaking
- How to be more present during lovemaking rather than being overly caught up in mental activity, especially about reaching a goal or certain perfomance
- How using intensity to build up the energy can actually compress sexual intimacy
- Why women need more warming up before sex
- The process of anchoring inside your own body
- Why it's important to re-evaluate and connect with your body
- How you can extend your love bond for days by not peaking during sex
- How to have more incredible experiences when you are connected with yourself and your significant other
Mentioned
- Living Love
- Inner Traditions
- Love for Couples
- Tantric Love (book) by Diana Richardson
- Slow Sex (book) by Diana Richardson
- Cool Sex: An Essential Young Adult Guide to Loving, Mindful Sex (book) by Diana Richardson
Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship

Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins

Podcast:https://www.marisatcohen.com/book.html

Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation

LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you!

ERP 256: The Mistakes People Make When Blending Families And What To Do Instead - An Interview With Tracy Poizner Feb 23, 2021

In today’s episode, I’m joined by Tracy Poizner, who talks about the different dynamics between a traditional family and a blended family. Many parents who are divorced and remarried have an expectation that the blended family will work seamlessly.

She talks about the common difficulties that couples experience when blending families and becoming a stepparent. She mentioned that when the parent and stepparent have a new child that it can feel like a betrayal. Most times, kids don’t have enough security in their relationship with their stepparent that they are OK with a new child coming into the mix.

Listen in to learn why the parent and child relationship has to come before the marriage in a blended family, why you need to make different choices for a blended family, and why you need to consider previous household boundaries when creating rules for the new blended family.

(Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories, and examples.)

Bio:

Tracy Poizner is a parenting coach and the host of the Essential Stepmom Podcast. She is a biological mom and a stepmom and has been through it all, from long-distance parenting to parental alienation, legal difficulties, mental health issues, loss of contact and full-time custody. Tracy has a special perspective on emotional healing and how to meet our personal needs as stepmoms in the everyday chaos of this challenging lifestyle.

In this episode, Tracy Poizner and Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss:

The biggest mistake of expecting a blended family to function like a traditional family
Why it takes up to seven years for blended families to feel really at home together
How dads often misunderstand their spouses role and how they are going to help parent
How guilt of divorce can affect how you parent your children
Parenting authentically and effectively in spite of your feelings
Why children in a blended family can destroy a second marriage
The challenges of making different choices in blended families
Simple gestures blended families can make to create better bonding between the new family members
The importance of respecting previous boundaries in the former household
Why kids needs are first in line before spousal need with biological children
How stepmoms can feel in competition with the kids for attention

Mentioned

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

From First Kiss to Forever: A Scientific Approach to Love, a book that relates relationship science research to everyday experiences and real relationship issues confronted by couples

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

ERP 255: How To Deal With Problems Related To Social Media In Relationship - An Interview with Dr. Marisa T. Cohen Feb 16, 2021

In today’s episode, I’m joined by Dr. Marisa T. Cohen, relationship coach, and researcher. We talk about how the influence of social media on couples can be damaging to their relationship. Marisa points out how different aspects of using social media can make couples feel disengaged with each other.

She talks about how social media usage can increase jealousy in relationships and how individuals turn toward social media to create fulfillment where they feel an emotional void. Marisa talks about the social comparisons that affect relationships and the “unreality” of social media feeds.

Listen in to learn why understanding what you value in a relationship is essential to invest in what’s most meaningful in life and how you can start a conversation about social media with your partner.

(Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories, and examples.)

Bio:

Dr. Marisa T. Cohen is a relationship coach, relationship researcher, and teaches college-level psychology courses. She is the author of From First Kiss to Forever: A Scientific Approach to Love, a book that relates relationship science research to everyday experiences and real relationship issues confronted by couples. She is also the author of Finding Love: The Scientific Take, a Psychology Today blog and Love Lessons, a Long Island Weekly newspaper column.

In this episode, Dr. Marisa T. Cohen and Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss:

How comparison to other couples on the internet can lead toward shame or inadequacy
The influence of social media on couple satisfaction
When social media becomes a pain point in a relationship
Higher levels of Facebook use are associated with negative relationship outcomes
Why you shouldn’t apply your reality to a social media feed reality
Understanding what you value in your relationship is important for relationship success
Why working through arguments and disagreements helps build new understandings and can lead to a stronger relationship and more intimacy
Recommendations on how you can have a conversation about social media with your partner
Conversation pointers to use when having a constructive conversation
Non-verbal communication mismatches that can lead to relationship conflict
Why you need to take your ex-partner off your social media feed

Mentioned

Finding Love: The Scientific Take
Love Lessons, a Long Island Weekly Newspaper Column
Visit Dr. Cohen on the web

Dr. Marisa T. Cohen books:

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

ERP 254: How To Understand Co-Regulation And The Importance Of Safety In Relationship Feb 09, 2021

In today’s episode, I discuss the importance of prioritizing safety in relationship. If we do not feel safe, we will have a very difficult time being open and available for connection and intimacy.

Dr. Stephen Porges, pioneering researcher and developer of Polyvagal Theory, reminds us that passion without safety leads to conflict and sometime violence, and it is very difficult to sustain long-lasting intimacy if you do not with safe with your significant other.

Our nervous systems are always evaluating for danger and threats. If we are mobilizing (trying to deal with a threat) through fight or flight, we are not available for intimacy and closeness. Or if we are immobilized (shut down) to a threat, we will not be receptive or have the capacity for bonding and connection.

Therefore, we need to feel safe in relationship, so that our nervous systems can function in the social engagement system, which allows us to be responsive to intimacy and connection.

Physiologically, we are always co-regulating with the people around us...picking up on cues of safety and/or threats. In relationship, we have the opportunity to reciprocally engage with one another to help regulate, balance and comfort one another.

In relationship, it is common to get off track, but it is essential to know how to get back on track. Listen to the episode to learn more.

(Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories, and examples.)

In this episode, Dr. Jessica Higgins discusses:

How romance and long-lasting intimacy require safety.
Passion without safety often results in conflict and sometimes violence.
The importance of safety can be confusing when we have known trauma, chaos, loss and pain within relationship and/or early childhood experiences.
More effort and time will not resolve problematic dynamics.
We need to create safety first, so that our nervous systems can be available for connection and closeness.
The three neural circuits in our nervous system.
What co-regulation is and how we benefit from it.
Ideally, we want to have reciprocal, safe, engaged interactions with the people closest to us.
In relationship, we have the opportunity to help regulate and balance each other, which leads to more stability overall.
Recognizing the cues we send and receive in relationship that signal safety, connection.
Through our vocal prosody, facial expressions (eyes, forehead, mouth), breathing and touch, we can convey affection, comfort, reassurance and safety.
When planning a date, it can be helpful to incorporate restorative activities that help provide more safety, which in turn supports the nervous system to enter into the social engagement system, so that we can be more open and available for connection and intimacy.

Mentioned

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

The Abandonment Recovery Workbook*

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

ERP 253: How to Deal with Primal Abandonment and Shame - an Interview with Susan Anderson Feb 02, 2021

In today’s episode, I’m joined by Susan Anderson as we discuss primal abandonment and what brought Susan to this topic. Learn why abandonment is a cumulative wound that can be triggered well into adulthood.

She talks about the process of shattering and why this is a primal fear that lurks in our minds, and why it’s normal to have abandonment fear from the time of birth. We start with this conditioning at birth with primal abandonment, the universal feeling of disconnect or not being worthy of connection.

Susan talks about the different types of abandonment and which life events can trigger or cause the feeling of primal abandonment within ourselves. She also speaks about how abandonment patterns can show up in choosing a partner who is emotionally and physically unavailable in adulthood.

Listen in to learn why people are motivated to feel connected, the spectrum of abandonment, and why people who experience childhood abandonment will experience a more challenging time when a relationship dissolves.

(Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories, and examples.)

Bio:

Susan Anderson has devoted more than 30 years of clinical experience and groundbreaking research in working with victims of abandonment trauma. Founder of the Abandonment Recovery movement, she is the author of four books including Journey from Abandonment to Healing, Taming Your Outer Child, Black Swan: Twelve Lessons of Abandonment Recovery and The Abandonment Recovery Workbook.

In this episode, Susan Anderson and Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss:

How her husband leaving after an 18-year relationship brought her to specialize in abandonment issues
Why abandonment is the primal issue that we share as humans
Separation anxiety as a normalized emotional feeling
The positive side effects of abandonment
The human spectrum of emotional abandonment
Coping with childhood abandonment as an adult
How abandonment triggers accumulate as a larger emotional wound
The unconscious feeling of primal shame that comes with abandonment
What the process of abandonment recovery looks like
How you get to become the parent you never had growing up

Mentioned

Susan Anderso’s books:

Journey from Abandonment to Healing*

Taming Your Outer Child: Overcoming Self-Sabotage and Healing from Abandonment*

Black Swan: The Twelve Lessons of Abandonment Recovery*

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

ERP 252: How to Deal with Sexual Performance Anxieties - an Interview with Dr. Ian Kerner Jan 26, 2021

In today’s episode, I’m joined by Ian Kerner. We discuss the effects of pornography on sexual health, why Ian became depressed about his personal sexuality, and how his sexual anxieties impacted his early relationships.

He talks about his own battles with erectile unpredictability, how he grew up in a sex-invasive environment, and why he suffered from chronic early ejaculation as a young man.

Ian talks about the importance of working with a sex therapist when a couple is challenged with sexual concerns. It can be extremely helpful in understanding sexual research and science to offer validation and direction.

Listen in to learn how critical it is to have a safe space to explore vulnerable emotions and all that is involved within our experience sexually (i.e. physically, emotionally, culturally, socially, mentally, etc).

(Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories, and examples.)

Bio:

Ian Kerner is a nationally-recognized sex therapist and New York Times bestselling author of numerous books, including, She Comes First, which has been translated into more than a dozen languages. Ian is regularly quoted as an expert in various media, with recent features in The Atlantic, the Economist and NPR amongst others and he contributes regularly on the topic of sex for CNN. He teaches and supervises at the Institute for Contemporary Psychotherapy in NYC. His new book will be published by Grand Central Publishing later this year.

In this episode, Ian Kerner and Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss:

How anxiety can greatly influence our experience around sex
Where couples commonly have issues around sex
The psychological component of erectile unpredictability
Differences in sexual issues based on gender
Why women experience an orgasm gap
The shame associated with the topic of sex
Negative effects of an idiosyncratic masturbatory style
How people can exile their sexuality in a relationship
Why the essence of sex is also about being turned off as well as turned on

Mentioned

Ian Kerner (website)
She Comes First (book)

Connect with Ian Kerner

Join Ian Kerner on the web

Pick up a copy of She Comes First

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

ERP 251: How to Deal with Love Addiction an interview with Helen Mia Harris Jan 19, 2021

In today’s episode, I’m joined by Helen Mia Harris, and we discuss the love addiction phenomenon. This complex and pervasive problem can lead to an overwhelming love withdrawal experience, lovesickness, depression, and anxiety.

She talks about her experience with love addiction, why love addiction is based on personal trauma, and why she has dedicated her life to helping others who experience this phenomenon.

Helen explains that the person who has the anxious attachment issue often has a propensity towards love addiction. She also talks about the difference between the need for love for a love addict in a relationship and the desire for infatuation.

Listen in to learn why people use an external source to validate themselves as individuals, how a love addict finds a need to survive within the relationship, and the signs of love addiction.

(Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories, and examples.)

Bio:

Helen Mia Harris is the creator of the Love Addiction, Codependency, and Heartbreak Recovery Programme. Several years ago, Helen experienced first-hand this affliction of the heart, when we love too much and experienced the grief-like symptoms of unrequited love, loss, and emotional trauma which inspired her to create the programme. Love addiction is a phenomenon that is recognised as a pervasive and complex problem. This can lead to an overwhelming experience of love withdrawal, lovesickness, depression, and anxiety.

In this episode, Helen Mia Harris and Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss:

How love and drugs are a panacea against emptiness
The link between emotional trauma and love addiction
The effects of filling a void in your life with a relationship
How emotional attachment bonds work when relationship equilibrium is unbalanced
Why intermittent attention reinforcement is stronger than other types of reinforcement
Crushes or infatuation do not equate to love addiction
The signs of love addiction
When the pain of the love addict gets activated
Limerence as a feature of love addiction

Mentioned

Loving Too Much (website)
Love and Addiction by Stanton Peele
Hold Me Tight Workshop (online program)
Wuthering Heights a novel by Emily Brontë

Connect with Helen Mia Harris

Loving Too Much

enquiries@helenmiaharris.com

Helen Mia Harris

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

ERP 250: How to Use the Blueprint of Pain for Healing and Growth with Lindsey Ellison Jan 12, 2021

In today’s episode, I’m joined by Lindsey Ellison, and we discuss the ways we cope with trauma and pain. We all have pain points, and it is important to understand the origins of our pain points and why we are addicted to the pain itself.

She talks about her personal battle with alcoholism, why she had a breakdown, and how she decided to take the next treatment step. Lindsey speaks about her journey with deep trauma work, her experience with relationship death, and how she previously diminished her pain.

Trauma+fear+wounds=addiction is the formula that we are often working with. Lindsey helps us understand how this process plays out in our lives. Our fear and trauma fuel our addictions without even being aware of their presence.

Listen in to learn about why it is critical to look closely and deeply at our pain and what it is teaching us about our underlying needs, our inner-child work, and our unresolved trauma.

(Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories, and examples.)

Bio:

Lindsey Ellison is a relationship coach and founder of Start Over Coaching, Inc., a coaching practice dedicated to helping people navigate their divorce or break up. Lindsey also specializes in helping people break free from narcissistic abuse, and is the author of the best selling book, MAGIC Words: How to Get What You Want from a Narcissist. You can find Lindsey on her popular podcast, Unbreakable You: Breakup Without Being Broken.

In this episode, Lindsey and Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss:

Why we are addicted to the pain in our relationship
How we form habits to deal with the source of our pain
The factors of co-dependency and how this affects who you are
How Lindsey created her blueprint of pain
The role of defense mechanisms in adulthood
How our trauma feeds into the fear cycle
The adult child and how we use habits to maintain our fear and trauma
What Lindsey learned around her deeper need for trauma and fear
How to manage the pain of your inner child daily
Triggers and why we need to avoid them
Why we need to give attention to, not judge, our wounds
How the little “t’s” affect your emotional health over time
The process of finding out the “I am nots” and how to overcome these false beliefs and triggers

Mentioned:

Hold Me Tight the book

Hold Me Tight Workshop

Connect with Lindsey Ellisen

Magic Words: How to Get What You Want from a Narcissist

Lindsey Ellisen on the web
Magic Words workbook

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins:

https://www.michaelmcpherson.co/

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

Get access to my new group coaching starting in January. Sign up today!

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

ERP 249: How to Develop Beyond Distorted and Collapsed Ways of Being in your Sexual Energy An Interview with Michael McPherson Jan 05, 2021

In today’s episode, I’m joined by Michael McPherson as we chat about how to develop sexual energy and sexual intimacy beyond the typical immature and limited notions we live within.

Michael talked about how common it is for people to grow up in environments where sex and conversations about sex are taboo. He addressed how much shame people typically feel around sex and their sexual energy, as well as how misinformed people are based on the distorted images they get from various forms of media.

Michael’s mission is to help people expand their understanding about sexual energy and sexual intimacy as well as increasing their comfortability in talking about their sexuality.

Michael talked about his healing journey with the use of plant medicine, Ayahuasca ceremony, and the love and connection with his beloved. He shares some of his practices and principles with us that have contributed to his integration and transformation.

Listen in to find out how sexual energy can be used for activities other than sex, why our sexuality is mixed in with all our life experiences, how men can hide behind their sexuality, and how he took responsibility for his past actions and somatically healed.

(Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories, and examples.)

Bio:

Michael McPherson is the author of Everything You Never Learned About Sex: Take Back Your Masculine Power & Use Your Sex Energy For Good, co-founder of KAKAO Ceremonial Drinking Chocolate, a non-profit devoted to saving native stains of cacao and making ceremonial-grade cacao available to the Western world, and co-founder of KAPU, a community app for light workers to share their heart-centered gifts, services, and wisdom in a safe and sacred space.

In this episode, Michael and Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss:

How pornography impacts our ideas about sex and can warp our perspective on sexual intimacy
Why men can get away with hiding behind their sexuality in society
How males cover their emotional wounds and hurt with sex
Infatuation and the thrill of the chase is a large percent of our relational experience
How plant medicine and ceremonies can support healing from emotional turmoil and pain
The difference between sex energy and sexuality
How sexual energy is amplified in couplehood and how to work with intention setting together
How to use sexual energy to open your heart
The process by which we can start to identify sexual energy in our body
How to deepen your own intimacy with your beloved through your individual practice

Mentioned:

ERP 246: How to Deepen Your Connection Through the Power of Ritual - An Interview with William Ayot

Connect with Michael McPherson

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins:

www.sexuallyinappropriatebehaviour.org

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

Get access to my new group coaching starting in January. Sign up today!

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

ERP 248: How To Negotiate Skillfully To Reach A Win-Win In Relationship - an Interview with Juliet Grayson Dec 29, 2020

In today’s episode, we will take a look at negotiating with your significant other when you have a conflict. My interview with Juliet Grayson will delve into how she works with couples to navigate intimacy and find a win-win relationship.

She started her journey as a young child in therapy with the UK NLP Therapy Association Chair. Juliet was intrigued by the association and decided to sign up for a course. She decided to take the entire course six times to embody thinking, which changed her perspective and life.

Having experienced couples therapy with her husband, she decided to venture into the couples therapy treatment realm. Now trained as a couples therapist, she had her first couples client and quickly realized that this vertical wasn’t the same as individual therapy. At this point, she decided to take on a two-year training divided into a year training on sex and the other year on relationships. Juliet currently works primarily with couples who are experiencing sexual problems.

Juliet and I talk about the importance of taking a break in a conversation when one partner is triggered and why having the ability to step away from an argument that is getting heated is a positive action to take to move your relationship forward.

Listen in to find out why every communication is a negotiation, what couples need to do to have the ability to negotiate, the distinction between first and second position with NLP, and the most useful model for couples to move through negotiation.

(Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories, and examples.)

Bio:

Juliet Grayson is a UKCP Reg psychosexual therapist working in the UK. She & her team run a six modular course, now online, on "How to Work With Couples for Therapists Who Usually Work One to One”. She also runs online personal development groups using the Pesso Boyden System of Psychotherapy. Her book, “Landscapes of the Heart: The working world of a sex and relationship therapist” gives a ‘fly on the wall’ perspective on couples therapy.

In this episode, Juliett and Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss:

How couples are not good negotiators
Prerequisites to starting the negotiating process in a couples relationship
The importance of knowing what you want for yourself
Why it’s important for a couple to brainstorm to solve a problem
How to separate the problem from the people
The types of concessions a partner can offer inside a relationship
How second position is different from first position
Why it’s important to understand the other’s motivation for their actions
Elements necessary to have the ability to speak from each position in negotiation.
The importance of negotiating with generosity and positivity towards your partner
How a partner can get “unstuck” in winning at the expense of the relationship

Mentioned:

Landscapes of the Heart: The working world of a sex and relationship therapist (book)
Landscape of the Heart (website)
Couples Therapy and Counseling (website)
Interview with William Ayot, Deepening Your Connection Through the Power of Ritual (podcast)

Connect with Juliet Grayson

To join her emailing list https://therapyandcounselling.co.uk/sign-up-for-info/

Facebook https://www.facebook.com/Juliett.grayson.9/

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins:

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

Get access to my new group coaching starting in January. Sign up today!

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

ERP 247: How To Turn Towards Your Partner To Strengthen Your Love Dec 22, 2020

With modern day life, it is easy to get wrapped up in outside distractions and at times even turn towards these distractions as a way to avoid discomfort and pain. However, in the process of turning towards outside distractions (i.e. news, entertainment, phones, social media, etc), we are turning AWAY from our partner.

Research helps us understand that how responsive partners are to each other is one of the biggest predictors of lasting relationship. Couples who turn towards each other have increased levels of trust, relationship satisfaction, passion and lovemaking.

During this holiday season, and on the tail end of such a stressful year of 2020, what if you put your efforts into one of the most potent and powerful ways of creating connection by increasing the amount of times you turn towards your partner?

(Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories, and examples.)

In this episode, Dr. Jessica Higgins discusses:

What does "turning towards" your partner mean?
How small interactions between partners often leads to the overall sentiment of the relationship (either positive or negative).
The responsiveness rate of happy couples versus responsiveness rate of unhappy couples.
The difference between simple "bids" and complex "bids."
How "turning away" creates disconnect and disengagement and how "turning against" creates conflict, as well as possibility for engagement and repair.
The damage of dismissing bids and the negative outcomes on relationship.
How to increase the rate of responsiveness with our significant other
Examples of specific ways of responding to our partner's bids and turning towards them.
Check out this free guide to get 25 examples of turning towards your partner: 25 Days to Strengthening Your Love Through Kindness
Check out this article to see Dr. John Gottman's list of minor bids for emotional connection (scroll to see the blue graphic).

Mentioned:

FREE guide: 25 Days to Strengthening Your Love Through Kindness
ERP 125: How Kindness Can Strengthen Your Love (podcast)
ERP 128: How Kindness Can Strengthen Your Love - Part Two (podcast)
ERP 129: How Kindness Can Strengthen Your Love - Part Three (podcast)
ERP 130: How Kindness Can Strengthen Your Love - Part Four (podcast)
ERP 131: How Kindness Can Strengthen Your Love - Part Five (podcast)
The Gottman Institute (website)
Dr. Susan Johnson (website)
Turn Towards Instead Of Away, By Zach Brittle LMHC (article)

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins:

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

Get access to my new group coaching starting in January. Sign up today!

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

ERP 246: How to Deepen Your Connection Through the Power of Ritual - An Interview with William Ayot Dec 15, 2020

William Ayot has worked in personal development and organizational settings, using poetry and the arts to teach worldwide. He speaks about his emotional state at the age of 30, being clinically depressed, not finding any joy in relationships, and he then “fell into a hole.” William was able to climb out of his hole by doing ritual work and discovering the world of personal development.

Working with groups of Shamans who used rituals in a very particular way. “I was fascinated, and this began to help me in my personal process.” After completing a ritual for the atonement of the feminine, William met a woman whom he fell in love with and is still in a relationship with to this day, over two decades later. He then realized that ritual work was also applicable to people in relationships. From here, he found himself working for individuals and groups, teaching them the process and value of ritual.

When working with couples, William will design and create a ritual for the couple to practice. This helps to know people’s spirituality, what they need when interfacing with each other, and the sacred world. He strives to meet people where they are most present and connected in their lives and the world. At this point, he creates rituals that initiate change.

Listen in to find out why rituals are a way of creating an image to send a message to the soul, how rituals are a critical part of our intention-setting and co-creating and why rituals can tie up loose ends with our sense of lack in the current environment.

(Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories, and examples.)

Bio:

William Ayot is an award-winning poet, author, teacher and ritualist. Over three decades, he has worked in personal development and organizational settings, using poetry and the arts to teach around the world. William creates rituals for individuals and groups in his purpose-built ritual garden in Monmouthshire, Wales. He has published four collections of poetry, a prose book on ritual, and is currently writing a book for and about men in a time of epochal change.

In this episode, William and Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss:

How to co-create rewarding, lasting relationships
How rituals can be transformative for both individuals and couples
Knowing a person’s spirituality before creating or prescribing a ritual for them is important
How rituals are a way of creating an image to send a message to the soul

“The soul doesn’t deal in data or numbers. It deals in pictures and images.”

William Ayot

Why we are cutting off from a deep and profound part of ourselves by disregarding ritual in our life
Why we are giving our partner a gift when we use ritual in our lives
What William encourages us to do to feel more connected in the world
How to conduct rituals safely with the intended best effect
The five basic stages of a ritual and the importance of closing the ritual down before leaving
Why ritual is as important for men as it is for women

“Rituals are a unique way for a human being to give a message to their psyche or their soul.”

William Ayot

Poem, by William Ayot

It Turns and Softly Speaks

Night after night the empty road, the home-light diminishing then vanishing as you travel out into the world again, hungry for a love that you can never allow.

If only you could pause for a moment, look down at your feet and not at the horizon, you might spot the small grey pebble of love lying discarded where you flung it as a child.

What was the hurt that made you a loner? How did the wondrous gift become a wound? You’re alone. You’re still giving but you’re giving from an exhausted place. Listen to the call of love: admit, accept, receive.

© William Ayot

Mentioned:

Connect with William Ayot

Visit William on the web

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins:

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

Get access to my new group coaching starting in January. Sign up today!

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

ERP 245: How To Build More Rapport in Your Relationship with Richard Bolstad Dec 08, 2020

Richard Bolstad has devoted his time to running workshops with his wife Julia and has authored many books on coaching and cooperative relationships. In this episode, we talk about how he became interested in couples therapy, Neuro-Linguistic Programming, and how this type of process can become a “User’s Manual for the brain.” We not only discuss NLP in detail but give vital examples of the elements of NLP.

He speaks about connection cues and why these are more important than conflict cues, and how connection cues turn into bids for a partner’s attention. Partners who pick up on this bid for attention connect and build rapport within the relationship. Breathing, body positions, and brain waves start to synchronize between the couple. When one partner ignores the other partner’s bid for attention, the relationship can start to break.

Couples aren’t willing to do the work until they feel like they are heard and seen. This process builds goodwill and reinforces their bond. Unless these components are part of a relationship, it’s hard to find a significant bond between two people.

Listen in to our conversation about the Japanese cultural art of Aikido is used as a metaphor for building relationships and aligning with someone else, the importance of self-soothing, and how partners can have negative responses toward each other during a conversation.

(Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories, and examples.)

Bio:

A member of the New Zealand Association of Psychotherapists, Richard runs training world-wide, both singly and with his wife, Julia Kurusheva. He is the author of many books on NLP, coaching, and cooperative relationships, published in 10 languages, including Transforming Communication and The Rapport Based Family. Instructors teach his “Transforming Communication” cooperative relationships course in more than 14 languages. Richard also runs training on conflict resolution in war zones and after major disaster events.

In this episode, Richard and Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss:

How NLP can be used to guide couples relationships
Examples of NLP framework in action
Why cues and bids for attention are important inside a relationship
How to people can build rapport amongst each other
The physical effects building rapport causes inside a relationship
Engines that drive the verbal and nonverbal responses towards a partner

“What people usually call thinking is made up of the things they picture visually inside their head, what they say to themselves and listen to, and what they pay attention to.” By Richard Bolstad

How to enrich your couples experience by paying attention to your inputs
The ability and exercise of how to create an emotional anchor for yourself
Differences in sensory systems between two people
How to reinforce the bond between you and your partner

“Instead of manipulating or doing things to influence someone else, find elements that will co-create a relationship.” By Richard Bolstad

Mentioned:

Shifting Criticism into Connected Communication – Free Guide
Find a mediator online
Dr. Susan Johnson
The Gottman Institute
Virginia Satir
Pick up Richard’s The Rapport Based Family
ERP 217: How to Deal with Stonewalling in Your Relationship

Connect with Richard Bolstad

Visit Richard on the web

Find out more about Neurolinguistic Programming

Richard Bolstad on Linkedin

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins:

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

ERP 244: How Being a Child of Divorced Parents Impacts Relationship Health in Adulthood - An Interview With Dr. Angela Cusimano Dec 01, 2020

Angela shares her stance on what divorce does to a child’s development, as well as looking at how a divorce is handled before, during and after can determine how much it impacts a child down the road. She discusses the indicators that childhood divorce has affected someone and how it can manifest. Angela also talks about ways to identify if divorce may be affecting your relationships in adulthood.

Listen, as Angela describes what is a “healthy” relationship and how to determine what is real and what isn’t when it comes to happiness in your relationships. Angela believes you can break free of past unhappy relationships and move forward with clarity to find what you are looking for. How you see yourself isn’t always how others see you, so Angela shares some tips to help you bridge the gap.

(Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories, and examples.)

Bio:

Angela Cusimano is a psychologist and personal coach with decades of experience working with kids, families, and trauma survivors. As a way to connect with more people outside of the therapy room, she has started a coaching program for childhood divorce survivors who struggle with self-love, self-sabotage, and difficulties in their partnerships.

She has published two books: one for families going through the divorce process and a book for parents who want to safely raise their teens in the digital age.

In this episode, Dr. Angela Cusimano and Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss:

Angela’s stance on what divorce does to children’s development.
Some indicators that childhood divorce has affected a person, like self-sabotage and relationship sabotage.
Learning how to identify that divorce may have affected intimacy and relationships in adulthood.
How divorce is handled can influence how much children are impacted down the road.
What a “healthy” relationship can look like.
Happiness in relationships: what is real and what isn’t.
Breaking free of a past of unhappy relationships and moving forward with possibility.

Tweetables

“We all grow up with this idea of normal.” Angela Cusimano PhD

“The first step is making the connection between the present and the past.” Angela Cusimano PhD

“The conflict between parents is more psychologically damaging than the divorce itself.” Angela Cusimano PhD

“Happy couples do fight.” Angela Cusimano PhD

“There are two sides to your story.” Angela Cusimano PhD

Mentioned:

Crash Course for Divorce: How to Make a Difficult Road Easier to Navigate by Angela Cusimano PhD
Raising Teens in the Digital Age: How to Connect, Understand, and Keep Them Safe, by Angela Cusimano PhD
Shifting Criticism Into Connected Communication - a free gift for listeners.

Connect with Angela Cusimano

Visit Angela on the web

Facebook: facebook.com/changethetidecoaching

Instagram: instagram.com/changethetidecoaching

Pinterest: pinterest.com/changethetidecoaching

Email Angela

Angela’s upcoming programs

For a free childhood divorce survivor journal

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins:

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic, you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

ERP 243: How To Skillfully Engage In A Conversation To Overcome Conflict In Relationship - An Interview With Kenneth Cloke Nov 24, 2020

Kenneth Cloke talks about how the language we use, the stories we tell, and how we approach our conflicts often have the outcome of making them worse and destroying our relationships. He talks about how to avoid using certain verbiage, so that our partners aren’t triggered to counter-attack. Listen in to our conversation where Ken talks about creating a pivot point in your conversation and having a better outcome and solution with the relational conversation that includes both members of a partnership.

Kenneth Cloke has devoted much of his career to supporting people in the various negotiation conflict areas and resolving conflict. After a brutal divorce experience and reflection of how he could have handled his personal situation better, Ken was inspired to help others move through their conflict and teach how we can learn and use our own tools to avoid conflict before it starts.

(Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories, and examples.)

Bio:

Kenneth Cloke is a mediator, arbitrator, coach, consultant, and trainer, specializing in resolving complex multi-party disputes, including transnational, marital, divorce, family, grievance, workplace disputes, organizational, and public policy, and school conflicts, and designing preventative conflict resolution systems. He has worked in over 25 countries and is the founder and first President of Mediators Beyond Borders. He has published 15 books on conflict resolution, recently The Crossroads of Conflict and Politics, Dialogue, and the Evolution of Democracy.

In this episode, Kenneth Cloke and Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss:

How to see conflicts differently, as well as how to recognize the source of most of our conflicts.
The importance of looking at the language we use, the stories we tell and the approaches we use that either bring resolution or communication break-down.
Identifying the specific words that lead to conflict and destructive cycles in relationship.
Learn new language and new questions to ask that create understanding, clear communication and productive outcomes in relationship.
What are the questions we are asking ourselves in every interaction to gauge how safe we are in the relationship.
What makes someone an ally versus a threat in relationship.
How vulnerable we are within our intimate relationships, what is at stake and and the risks involved.
Learn ways to generate solutions, strengthen relationships and deepen intimacy in communication.

Tweetables

“I became interested in how to introduce conversations and design them that would help people actually talk through their problems with each other.”

Kenneth Cloke

“Over the course of the past 40 years I’ve been immersed in working with people to get to places in which they see their conflicts completely differently.”

Kenneth Cloke

“The language we use, the stories we tell and the way we approach our conflicts often has the outcome of making them worse and destroying our relationships.”

Kenneth Cloke

“If you use the word ‘you’ in connection with something negative, the form of that pronoun is an accusation.”

Kenneth Cloke

“Relationships are at stake in every conversation.”

Kenneth Cloke

Mentioned:

The Crossroads of Conflict: A Journey into the Heart of Dispute Resolution by Kenneth Cloke
The Dance of Opposites: Explorations in Mediation, Dialogue and Conflict Resolution Systems by Kenneth Cloke
Shifting Criticism into Connected Communication – Free Guide
Find a mediator online

Connect with Kenneth Cloke

Visit Kenneth on the web

Pick up one of Kenneth’s relationship books

Find out more about Kenneth’s trainings he offers

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins:

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

ERP 242: How To Stop Being Attracted To Emotionally Unavailable Partners - An Interview With Ryan Haddon Nov 17, 2020

Suppose you're with an emotionally unavailable partner. In that case, you'll find that you can feel emotionally destabilized at times, that your partner is keeping you at arm's length. You might find that you can't talk deeply about the relationship itself and about what you need and what you want and especially where the two of you as a couple are headed in the future.

In this episode, I talk with Ryan Haddon, a certified Life, and Spiritual Coach, Hypnotherapist, and certified Meditation teacher. She and I discuss how a person with narcissistic tendencies can emotionally keep you at bay and what you can do to shift your focus if you find yourself in one of these types of relationships.

(Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories, and examples.)

Bio:

Ryan Haddon is a certified Life and Spiritual Coach, Hypnotherapist, and certified Meditation teacher with over 16 years of experience with clients worldwide. A sought-after public speaker for corporate retreats and wellness events, Ryan does private workshops such as “Stepping Into Your Purpose,” “The Work/Life Balance,” and “Finding Your Center.” Ryan was a keynote speaker for Visionary Women’s 2020 virtual event and a featured speaker at CAA’s 2020 global wellness event. She’s also the in-house Life Coach at Kourtney Kardashian’s website Poosh, where she writes mind/body/spirit articles.

In this episode, Ryan Haddon and I discuss:

Why you feel unsafe in a relationship with an emotionally unavailable partner.
What does emotional unavailability look like in a partner?
Reasons why people are emotionally unavailable.
Why you feel lonely, unvalidated and rejected with a partner that’s emotionally unavailable.
The checklist of behaviors that emotionally unavailable people tend to display.
Why it can feel like you are doing all the heavy lifting inside your relationship.
How to figure out what you can do to break the pattern of dating emotionally unavailable people.

Tweetables

“If you’re in a relationship with someone who is emotionally unavailable, you’re most likely feeling destabilized at all times.”

Ryan Haddon

“When you enter into a relationship with an emotionally unavailable person you’ll feel like you’re not safe.”

Ryan Haddon

“Knowing that they can’t give you more than they are and if you manage to get past go, your relationship might be well underway and you might feel like you’re dancing all the time, constantly taking their emotional temperature.

Ryan Haddon

“Emotional unavailability is a good term to describe when you’re with someone who is always setting the terms, withdrawing physically and emotionally when you get too close, probably because they’re afraid to be vulnerable.”

Ryan Haddon

“It feels that one sidedness that you are always having to accept that they’re not really needing you in that same playing field that you want to be in.”

Ryan Haddon

Mentioned:

Get your free guide Relationship Map to Happy Lasting Love Free Guide

Listen to the podcast episode How To Deal With Fears Of Intimacy

How To Deal With Fears Of Intimacy - Part Two of the podcast series

Connect with Ryan Haddon

Visit Ryan on the web

Chat with Ryan on Instagram

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins:

ERP 011: How Technological Impacts Our Relationship

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

ERP 241: How to Prevent Your Smartphone from Hurting your Relationship w/ Dr. Lori Whatley Nov 10, 2020

Have you sat down to dinner with your partner only to find them on their cell phone most of your time together? Does your significant other consistently bring their computer into the bedroom, and you have a feeling of being dismissed?

In this episode, I talk with Dr. Lori about the damaging effects of digital devices on relationships. Whether you are interacting with family, friends, or a partner, spending an excessive amount of time and avoiding others instead of interacting with them one-on-one can cause mistrust, a feeling of neglect, and displace couple intimacy.

(Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories, and examples.)

Bio:

With over 25 years of experience, Dr. Lori has worked with thousands of clients, both domestic and internationally. Through her countless hours of research, Dr. Lori’s commitment to helping businesses, families, and individuals overcome the problems created by device usage. Her book, The Effects of Texting on Marital Relationships, offers a poignant data-packed critique on texting within marriage, including its often negative impact.

In addition to working one-on-one with clients, Dr. Lori advises businesses on the operational effects of over-connected employees, managing technology, distractions in the workplace, and driving employee productivity.

In this episode, Dr. Lori Whatley and Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss:

How device usage can create challenges in relationships.
How overuse of technology affects our levels of anxiety, quality of sleep and creates depression.
Learn how human contact and in-person interactions affect our mood and brain chemistry.
Why it takes up to 25 minutes for us to refocus after a digital distraction.
How the amount of digital device usage can cut down on quality family and relationship time.
How boundaries and rules can help couples resolve issues with overuse of digital time.
How to deal with concerns of device addiction, jealousy and different ways of approaching social media in relationships.

Listen in to find out why it's important that we learn to balance our digital devices as a society, the red flags of using too much daily technology, and how digital devices affect our focus. Learn why our attention span is shorter now than ever, how technology can be used as a tool for avoidance in a relationship, and how the overuse of a digital device can create distrust.

“Everyday as I was working with couples, digital devices came up in our sessions.” by Dr. Lori Whatley

“The world needs to know how we are effected relationally and individually by our digital device issues.” by Dr. Lori Whatley

“The effect of technology is truly like another woman or another man in the relationship.” by Dr. Lori Whatley

“A “like” on social media is not the same as love in person.” by Dr. Lori Whatley

“Sometimes people fill their life and their hours up with their social media world and then they have no time left for in-person connection .” by Dr. Lori Whatley

Mentioned:

Connected and Engaged by Dr. Lori Whatley

The Effects of Texting on Marital Relationships By Dr. Lori Whatley

Family Assessment on Dr. Lori Whatley's website

Connect with Dr. Lori Whatley

Dr. Whatley on the web

Get great information on her blog

Check out her new book Connected & Engaged

Read The Effects of Texting on the Marital Relationship

Visit with Dr. Whatley on Instagram

Chat with Dr. Whatley on Facebook

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins:

www.exboyfriendrecovery.com

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

ERP 240: How To Prevent A Break-up In Your Relationship - An Interview with Chris Seiter Nov 03, 2020

Bio:

Chris Seiter, the founder of Ex Boyfriend Recovery and Ex Girlfriend Recovery has been helping thousands of broken hearted individuals win their exes back for over a decade.

Implementing the very creative "no contact rule," which shuts down communication between exes for a certain period of time such in order to create space for each partner allows for healing, self recovery, and an opportunity for both of you to potentially come back together as a couple, which Chris believes is the key to long lasting success.

(Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories, and examples.)

In this episode, Chris Seiter and Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss:

How going through a break-up can be fertile ground for self-development and self-discovery.
What happens when we do not have closure or time to process insights and understandings.
How to use tactical empathy to address other's objections to move through resistance.
What to focus on when communicating (and not through text).
How to get in the right space emotionally.
The importance of giving adequate time, space and distance to reflect.
How to keep the end goal in mind and work towards creating a better relationship.

“It is not about your ex, it is about you.” by Chris Seiter

Mentioned:

Ex Boyfriend Recovery (website)
Ex Girlfriend Recovery (website)
Ex Boyfriend Recovery (podcast)
Ex Girlfriend Recovery (podcast)
Shifting Criticism into Connected Communication – Free Guide

Connect with Chris Seiter

Websites:

www.exgirlfriendrecovery.com

Facebook: facebook.com/OfficialExBoyfriendRecovery/

Youtube: Chris Seiter

Podcasts: https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/podcasts/

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins:

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

ERP 239: How To Break Out Of Sexual Routines And Ignite More Pleasure - An Interview With Sarrah Rose Oct 28, 2020

Bio:

Sarrah Rose is the founder of the tantric sex coaching platform Tantric Activation. She developed her coaching techniques by studying tantra, mixing in evolutionary biology, and adapting the method for practical use in the modern world.

Sarrah was trained in the tantra method in India. She then earned her certification as a Sex, Love and Relationship Coach from the Tantra Institute of Integrated Sexuality.

(Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories, and examples.)

In this episode, Sarrah Rose and Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss:

How to use your sexual energy in a conscious way rather than being controlled by it.
Becoming more aware of your patterns, shadow work, so that you can be more aligned in your mind, heart and sexuality.
How your breath, sound, movement and focus helps you integrate the flow of energy throughout your body.
How to deal with challenges, like performance anxiety, fear of rejection, and being shutdown or closed off to sex.
How we train our body away from human physical touch when we use vibrators and porn.
Why couples stop having sex and what is critical to know about the 3 stages of love.

“For thousands of years, women have had to choose whether they were going to be accepted by society or express their sexuality.” by Sarrah Rose

Mentioned:

Tantric Activation Sarrah Rose (website)
Helen Fisher (website)
Allison Armstrong (website)
Relationship Map to Happy Lasting Love Free Guide

Connect with Sarrah Rose

Website: Tantric Activation

Facebook: facebook.com/TantricActivation/

Instagram: instagram.com/tantricactivation/

Twitter: @IAmSarrahRose

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins:

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

ERP 238: How To Find Your Emotional Balance In Relationship Oct 20, 2020

One of the most difficult tasks in relationships is to maintain our sense of self...to not loose our self in relationship. This can be even more challenging during times of conflict, stress and uncertainty. And especially true when our partner is pressuring us to be something different or when we fear their reaction and ultimately a loss of approval and love.

(Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories, and examples.)

In this episode, Dr. Jessica Higgins discusses:

How important it is to work on becoming differentiated in relationship.
The fallout of not maintaining a solid sense of self.
What it looks like when couples get stuck in emotional fusion and gridlock.
Dr. David Schnarch's Four Points Of Balance: Solid Flexible Self, Quiet Mind - Calm Heart, Grounded Responding, and Meaningful Endurance.
How differentiation relates to our passion, sexual desire and sexual intimacy.

 "A solid sense of self develops from confronting yourself, challenging yourself to do what's right, and earning your own self-respect. It develops from inside you rather than from internalizing what's around you." by Dr. David Schnarch

Mentioned:

Shifting Criticism into Connected Communication – Free Guide
Crucible Institute Dr. David Schnarch (website)
Intimacy & Desire, by Dr. David Schnarch (book)
Resurrecting Sex, by Dr. David Schnarch (book)
Passionate Marriage, by Dr. David Schnarch (book)
ERP 110: HOW TO MANAGE TWO MAJORLY CONFLICTING NEEDS IN RELATIONSHIP (podcast)
ERP 234: How To Deal With Fears Of Intimacy – Part two (podcast)
ERP 233: How To Deal With Fears Of Intimacy – Part One (podcast)
ERP 223: How To Deal With Difficult Emotions – Part One (podcast)
ERP 224: How To Deal With Difficult Emotions – Part Two (podcast)
Dr. Susan Johnson's website

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins:

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

ERP 237: How To Develop A Gratitude Mindset In Relationship - An Interview With Karl Staib Oct 13, 2020

Bio:

Karl Staib is the author of Bring Gratitude and the Creator of the 30-Day Bring Gratitude Challenge. He has helped thousands of people train their brains. He developed the Dig to Fly method and SOAR technique to help his clients become more resilient and happier. He also created the Legendary Leader Method to help leaders build better relationships with their employees so they are happier and more productive. He has been featured by Forbes, NPR and Zen Habits and worked with Philips Global, Southwest Research Institute and Pioneer Nation.

(Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories, and examples.)

In this episode, Karl Staib and Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss:

How using a gratitude journal can help us: think differently, gain more self-understanding, and be a better person.
How building awareness of our patterns and tendencies will give us insight into our growth areas.
Emotions can create connection or disconnection in relationship.
Karl's Dig To Fly method and the 5 key questions to ask ourselves when we are having a hard time.
How to shift from being a negative person into a positive person and not letting letting negative thoughts dictate our actions.

“Each day is "what it is" for 99% of it, and it is up to us (our attitude) to adjust to the world around us versus the world adjusting to us.” by Karl Staib

In solid relationships, partners bond over positive things rather than negative things.
Karl's SOAR technique for a daily practice of gratitude and a healthy mindset.

“We don’t need big wins in life to feel happy. Small daily wins keep our mindsets strong and make it easier to appreciate the big wins.” by Karl Staib

Mentioned:

Bring Gratitude by Karl Staib (book)
30 Day Gratitude Challenge Karl Staib
Relationship Map to Happy Lasting Love Free Guide

Connect with Karl Staib

Website: Bring Gratitude

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins:

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

ERP 236: How To Deal With Uncertainty And Ambiguous Grief An interview With Dr. Michael McNulty Oct 06, 2020

Bio:

Mike McNulty, PhD is a psychotherapist specializing in couples therapy, and the founder of The Chicago Relationship Center, and practices in Evanston and Highland Park, IL. Dr. McNulty is a senior certified Gottman relationship therapist and master trainer for The Gottman Institute, who leads workshops for couples and professionals in the United States, Ireland, and Sri Lanka. He has traveled to Sri Lanka 22 times since the 2004 tsunami to provide training to paraprofessional counselors.

(Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories, and examples.)

In this episode, Dr. Michael McNulty and Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss:

What is ambiguous loss?
How ambiguous loss affects the grieving process and how to address this type of loss.
What to do when we have different perspectives and/or a different positions on an issue (i.e. like how to deal with Covid-19).
How couples with different perspectives can work together and support each other.
When problems become gridlocked and the stress and disconnect that results.
What helps us be more flexible and creative, so that we can cope better and be more resilient together.
How to build rituals for connection, meaning and significance.

“Grief becomes frozen. People do not know what they are grieving, and how to begin to move forward with life.”

Mentioned:

Coping with Uncertainty During COVID-19: An International Gottman Trainer Shares Their Perspective by Dr. Michael McNulty (Article)
Ambiguous Loss Dr. Pauline Boss' website
Chicago Relationship Center Website
The Gottman Institute Website
Dr. Susan Johnson Website
The Intentional Family: Simple Rituals to Strengthen Family Ties by William J. Doherty (book)
Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor E. Frankl (book)
Gottman Card Deck

Connect with Dr. Michael McNulty

Email: mikemcnultyphd@gmail.com

Website: Chicago Relationship Center

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins:

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

ERP 235: How To Emerge From Quarantine With Your Finances In Tack - An Interview With Ericka Young Sep 29, 2020

Bio:

Ericka Young founded Tailor-Made Budgets in 2005 after she and her husband Chris climbed out of nearly $100,000 in debt. She is a certified financial coach by Ramsey Solutions and combines her passion for helping people with creative debt reduction techniques so everyone can have a path to financial freedom. Ericka teaches her message of debt freedom through her e-newsletters, personal and group coaching, workshops, best-selling book and speaking engagements.

(Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories, and examples.)

In this episode, Ericka Young and Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss:

The different ways people are fairing financially during the pandemic.
What each of the three camps are experiencing and what they would benefit from considering moving forward.
Learning how to anticipate and evaluate the health of your career industry.
Using caution and being prepared as we move through this next phase.
How to be aligned with what matters most to you and your significant other.
How to weather the storm if you are taking a big hit during this time.
How to not loose track of your financial goals as a family, even during the pandemic.
Learning to be creative and in control of your personal economy.

Mentioned:

ERP 207: How To Get Out Of Financial Debt When Working Together As A Couple – An Interview With Ericka Young (podcast)
Tailor Made Budgets Website
7 Day Money Challenge Free Video Series (Opt-in)

Connect with Ericka Young:

Email: ericka@tailormadebudgets.com

Website: Tailor Made Budgets

Instagram: @tailormadebudgets

Facebook: TailorMadeBudgets

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins:

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

ERP 234: How To Deal With Fears Of Intimacy - Part Two Sep 22, 2020

Love presents a great opportunity, and it can also feel like a great risk. Especially, when we have felt hurt in the past. If we are not conscious (and aware), we can mistake the fear we feel as an indication that something is off in the relationship or with our partner. The key is to recognize the fear you feel makes sense (understand it's origins) and learn how to work with the fear, so that you can learn to develop more intimacy with your significant other. In the episode, I reference the book "The Highly Sensitive Person In Love," by Elaine Aron.

(Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories, and examples.)

In this episode, Dr. Jessica Higgins discusses:

How we question our lovability when we have felt hurt in the past.
How love and intimacy can be threatening.
Fear of loss of control and how to deal with it.
Fear of one's "attack and destroy" impulses and what to do about it.
Fear of being engulfed and how to take care of yourself.
Fear of commitment and what to consider.
Fear of disliking the other for subtle annoyances and how to negotiate this with your partner.

  "Love feels whole, energizing and integrating all parts of us. But wholeness would also mean integrating any repressed, split-off anger and destructiveness." by Elaine Aaron

Mentioned:

Shifting Criticism into Connected Communication – Free Guide
ERP 233: How To Deal With Fears Of Intimacy – Part One (podcast)
The Highly Sensitive Person In Love, by Elaine Aaron
The Most Dangerous Stories We Make Up, by Brené Brown
ERP 018: How To Deal With Feelings Of Anger In Relationship (podcast)
ERP 223: How To Deal With Difficult Emotions – Part One (podcast)
ERP 224: How To Deal With Difficult Emotions – Part Two (podcast)
Love Sense: The Revolutionary New Science of Romantic Relationships, by Dr. Susan Johnson
ERP 110: HOW TO MANAGE TWO MAJORLY CONFLICTING NEEDS IN RELATIONSHIP (podcast)
ERP 093: HOW THE “SHADOW” INFLUENCES OUR GROWTH IN LIFE AND IN RELATIONSHIP WITH DR. KEITH WITT (podcast)
ERP 217: HOW TO DEAL WITH STONEWALLING IN RELATIONSHIP (podcast)
Conscious Loving: The Journey to Co-Commitment, by Gay & Kathlyn Hendricks (book)

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins:

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

ERP 233: How To Deal With Fears Of Intimacy - Part One Sep 15, 2020

While we want to experience love and intimacy, it can often bring fears to the surface. The fears often have ties to previous pain and are subconscious or unconscious until we enter into a love relationship. In the episode, I reference the book "The Highly Sensitive Person In Love," by Elaine Aron.

(Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories, and examples.)

In this episode, Dr. Jessica Higgins discusses:

How fears of intimacy develop in one's life.
Ways people distance themselves emotionally as a result of a fear of intimacy.
How love and intimacy can be threatening.
Fear of exposure and rejection and how to deal with it.
Fear of angry attacks and what to do about it.
Fear of abandonment and how to take care of yourself.

  "To me intimacy means being authentic, revealing to another your most private and true-in-this-moment self - thoughts, feelings, bodily self." by Elaine Aaron

Mentioned:

Shifting Criticism into Connected Communication – Free Guide
The Highly Sensitive Person In Love, by Elaine Aaron
ERP 110: HOW TO MANAGE TWO MAJORLY CONFLICTING NEEDS IN RELATIONSHIP (podcast)
ERP 221: HOW TO RECOGNIZE AND WORK WITH SELF-SABOTAGE IN RELATIONSHIP AN INTERVIEW WITH BRIANNA WIEST (podcast)
ERP 093: HOW THE “SHADOW” INFLUENCES OUR GROWTH IN LIFE AND IN RELATIONSHIP WITH DR. KEITH WITT (podcast)
ERP 217: HOW TO DEAL WITH STONEWALLING IN RELATIONSHIP (podcast)
Conscious Loving: The Journey to Co-Commitment, by Gay & Kathlyn Hendricks (book)

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins:

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

ERP 232: How To Deal With Food & Eating Differences In Relationship- An Interview with Melissa Costello Sep 07, 2020

Bio:

Melissa Costello is a Transformational Eating Coach, Holistic Nutritionist, Speaker and Author. Her mission is to empower busy professionals to get off the yo-yo dieting rollercoaster and end emotional eating so they can lose the weight that is holding them back from living a life they truly love. Melissa’s in-depth training in Spiritual Psychology, Clinical Nutrition and holistic coaching along with her own personal struggles provides the foundation for her clients to experience powerful breakthroughs and sustainable, profound transformation.

(Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories, and examples.)

In this episode, Melissa Costello and Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss:

Looking at our relationship to food and how we use food for more than just it's nutritional value.
How to know if you struggle with food or have issues around food.
The stress of emotional eating and/or viewing our body's in a negative way.
How to tune out all the noise that keeps us confused and conflicted about how to eat and what to eat.
The challenges couples face together around food and eating.
How to turn towards your body's wisdom and intelligence.
Gaining clarity and confidence in making decisions for the health of OUR bodies.

"What was one negative thing someone said to you about your body, where you made a decision about yourself?" — Melissa Costello

Mentioned:

Smash The Wellness Industry NYT article
Killing Us Softly Wikipedia

Connect with Melissa Costello:

Email: missy@karmachow.com

Website: Karma Chow

Instagram: @karmachow

Facebook: KarmaChow

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins:

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

ERP 231: How To Gain More Acceptance And Expression Sexually- An Interview with Stacie Ysidro Sep 01, 2020

Bio:

Stacie Ysidro is the founder of Holistic Progressions and is acknowledged by the World Association of Sex Coaches. Starting her career with business and life coaching in 2009, Stacie combined sexology education, somatic coaching and spirituality to create a unique transformational experience for her clients. Over the 10+ years of service in her industry, Stacie has helped thousands of clients create a sexually satisfying life in recovery, overcome sexual guilt and shame, learn the language of arousal and pleasure, and reignite passion in their relationships.

(Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories, and examples.)

In this episode, Stacie and Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss:

Our unconscious tendencies in how we show up in sexual intimacy.
Dealing with shame and old programming around our sexual expression.
How our traumas, big and small, influence our experience and our ability to prioritize pleasure.
The importance of redefining our sexual value system.
Three tips to improve your own sexual energy.
How to let the walls of protection down to allow for more vulnerability, safety and connection.
The need to feel loved and accepted for who we are truly.
Understanding that as your relationship changes your sex life will too, examine what your needs and wants are, and why.
Explore and examine what is important to you, what you love about yourself, and what you love about your partner.

"The journey to full sexual self-expression and sexual self-acceptance is the deepest most powerful way that you can step into personal growth and development." — Stacie Ysidro

Mentioned:

Connect with Stacie Ysidro:

Email: holisticprogressions@gmail.com

Website: Holistic Progressions

Instagram: @sexcoach_stacie

Facebook: Sober Intimacy

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins:

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

ERP 230: How To Resolve Conflicts From Mental Blindspots - An Interview with Dr. Gleb Tsipursky Aug 25, 2020

Bio:

Dr. Gleb Tsipursky is an internationally-recognized thought leader known as the Disaster Avoidance Expert, who is on a mission to protect leaders from dangerous judgment errors known as cognitive biases, which devastate bottom lines and bring down high-flying careers. His expertise and passion is developing the most effective and profitable decision-making strategies to empower leaders to avoid business disasters, maximize their bottom lines, and help their careers flourish. His proprietary methodology combines his pragmatic business experience with cutting-edge behavioral economics and cognitive neuroscience research.

(Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories, and examples.)

In this episode, Dr. Gleb Tsipursky and Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss:

Tribal brain systems: the flight, fight, or freeze environment
Cognitive biases, training ourselves to notice when we are making judgment errors.
Transparency in communication and misperception in communication.
Emotions and their impact on our decision-making skills.
Transparency and mission bias in our communication with others.
The bias blind spot as it relates to cognitive bias.
External perspective to eliminate bias, pessimistic vs optimistic perspectives and the related cognitive biases.

"Everyone has cognitive biases just due to who we are." — Gleb Tsipursky

Mentioned:

The Blindspots Between Us: How to Overcome Unconcious Cognitive Bias and Build Better Relationships by Gleb Tsipursky

Connect with Gleb Tsipursky:

Website: disasteravoidanceexperts.com

LinkedIn: Dr. Gleb Tsipursky

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins:

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

ERP 229: Eight Dates to Support and Nurture Your Love & Relationship Aug 19, 2020

Recently, I have been recommending the book "Eight Dates: Essential Conversations For A Lifetime Of Love" by John Gottman, Julie Schwartz Gottman, Doug Abrams and Rachel Carlton Abrams. Since the last two podcast episodes have been referring to the importance of connecting and dating in relationship, I thought it would be valuable to share this book with you.

(Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories, and examples.)

In this episode, Dr. Jessica Higgins discusses:

How being curious and interested in and with your partner will support a lifetime of learning, intimacy and vitality with your partner.
The importance of seeing love as a practice.
What threatens commitment and trust in relationship and how to built trust together.
How conflict is inevitable in every relationship, and understanding the real goal of conflict.
Learning the difference between solvable problems and perpetual problems.
What helps partners create a great sex life together.
Understanding the essential role of play and adventure in your relationship, so that you can keep things fresh and exciting.

  "Vulnerability creates trust, and trust is the oxygen your relationship needs to breathe." by John Gottman, Julie Schwartz Gottman, Doug Abrams and Rachel Carlton Abrams.

Mentioned:

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins:

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

ERP 228: How To See Relationship As A Spiritual Teacher - An Interview with Allana Pratt Aug 11, 2020

Bio:

Allana Pratt is an intimacy expert, relationship coach, author of 6 books, and the host of the edgy podcast “Intimate Conversations.”

Allana offers private, group and online coaching programs for singles and couples to help her clients develop a healthy, intimate relationship with themselves first, which naturally attracts and enhances their ideal partnerships.

(Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories, and examples.)

In this episode, Allana Pratt and Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss:

How our partner will mirror our work.
How to see our partner as our master spiritual teacher.
The power of taking ownership and offering an apology that lands.
How to become the one to awaken the one.
The process of growth and integration versus bypassing our wounded parts.
How we get transparency by giving transparency.
Tips for couples connection. Presencing together as a couple.
A dyad date night exercise for intimacy. Tune into one another and keep asking the question, be open and curious.

"All hearts when they are wounded close." — Allana Pratt

Mentioned:

Finding ‘The One’ is Bullsh*t: Becoming ‘The One’ is Brilliant & Beautiful, by Allana Pratt
Jennifer Jimenez Vibrant Healthy Living
David Deangelo

Connect with Allana Pratt:

Website: AllanaPratt.com

Podcast: Intimate Conversations

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/coachallanapratt

Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/user/AlanaPratt?sub_confirmation=1

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins:

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

ERP 227: How To Date Your Significant Other An Interview With Dr. Bill Harley Aug 04, 2020

Willard F. Harley, Jr., Ph.D. earned his Ph.D. degree in psychology from the University of California at Santa Barbara in 1967 and has been a Licensed Clinical Psychologist in Minnesota since 1975.

Dr. Harley is best known as the author of the internationally best selling book, His Needs, Her Needs: Building An Affair-proof Marriage.

Dr. Harley’s ground-breaking mental-health approach to marriage therapy has saved countless marriages over the decades, and continues to do so today. He has written 23 other books and continues to write, speak, and lead seminars throughout the US and Canada.

Dr. and Mrs. Harley also host a daily one-hour call-in show, Marriage Builders® Radio. It can be heard on radio stations and on the Internet. They have been married for 54 years and live in White Bear Lake, Minnesota. They have two adult children, who are now working with them as marriage coaches, and four grandchildren.

Mentioned:

His Needs, Her Needs, by Willard Harley

In this episode, Dr. Bill Harley and Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss:

The four emotional needs that must be addressed in order to fall in love, stay in love, or get love back again.
Breaking the “love busters” to create an environment where a date would actually be a mutually enjoyable experience.
How finding things you enjoy doing together, and encouraging each other’s individual passions can build connection.
Using the “Love Bank Inventory” to measure what areas of love building need more attention.

"No matter where you are in your marriage, dating can create a great marriage for you. It can solve all of your communication problems, it can solve all the struggles that you've been having, trying to make decisions. And I just challenge couples to recognize that 15 hours a week of undivided attention is the answer." — Dr. Bill Harley

Connect with Dr. Bill Harley:

Website: Marriage Builders® - Successful Marriage Advice

Twitter: Marriage Builders (@marriagebuilder)

Facebook: Marriage Builders - Home

YouTube: MarriageBuilders

Show: Marriage Builders Radio

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins:

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

Loving Leaving Living With...The Narcissist In Your Life

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

ERP 226: How To Understand and Deal With A Narcissist - an interview with Wendy Behary. Jul 28, 2020

With 25 years of post-graduate training and advanced level certifications, Wendy Behary is the founder and director of The Cognitive Therapy Center of New Jersey and The Schema Therapy Institutes of NJ-NYC and DC.

She has been treating clients, training professionals, and supervising psychotherapists for more than 20 years. Wendy has a specialty in treating narcissists and the people who live with and deal with them. As an author and an expert on the subject of narcissism, she is a contributing chapter author of several chapters on Schema Therapy for narcissism. She lectures both nationally and internationally to professional and general audiences on the subject of Schema Therapy, and the subject of narcissism, relationships, and dealing with difficult people.

In this episode, Wendy Behary and Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss:

How confusing and disorienting it can be to be in a relationship with a narcissist.
Understanding how a narcissist got to be how they are and what it entails.
The spectrum of narcissism.
The goal of a narcissist and the missing piece in relationship.
How one’s own schema, or learned thought patterns and behaviors, can be triggered by, and play into, the tendencies of a narcissist.
How to have an effect of the relationship.
How to get your emotional balance, so that you can approach your partner with empathic confrontation.
The work that goes into helping someone feel capable of standing on their own, to be the strongest healthiest adult they can be, and their own best advocate.

"To hear your own voice, to stand up for yourself...That's a new new movement, which will guide you towards making a decision about this relationship one way or the other, but making it from a healthy position, not from a frightened reaction." — Wendy Behary

Mentioned:

Disarming the Narcissist: Surviving and Thriving with the Self-Absorbed, by Wendy Behary

Connect with Guest:

Website: disarmingthenarcissist.com

LinkedIn: Wendy Behary - Speaker-Lecturer - PESI

Facebook: Wendy T. Behary

Email: wendy.behary@gmail.com

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins:

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

ERP 225: How To Deal With Betrayal In Relationship An Interview With Dr. Debi Silber Jul 21, 2020

Dr. Debi Silber is the founder of the Post Betrayal Transformation Institute and is a holistic psychologist, health, mindset, and personal development expert, the author of The Unshakable Woman: 4 Steps to Rebuilding Your Body, Mind, and Life After a Life Crisis and the forthcoming book: Trust Again. Her recent Ph.D. study on how we experience betrayal made 3 groundbreaking discoveries that change how long it takes to heal. She’s an award-winning speaker, coach, and author dedicated to helping people move past their betrayals as well as any other blocks preventing them from the health, work, finances, relationships, confidence, and happiness they want most.

(Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories, and examples.)

In this episode, Debi and Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss:

Moving through the 5 stages of healing.
Exploring deeper the levels of trust and deeper the levels of betrayal.
Learning to recognize the physical and emotional symptoms of post betrayal syndrome.
Micro betrayal: small betrayals that slowly deteriorate the trust in relationships.
When a betrayer has no consequences, further deterioration of the relationship occurs and healing cannot begin.
Beginning healing and starting the process of rebuilding relationships.
Face it, feel it, heal it: working through betrayal and become the strongest version of yourself.

"Betrayal is the breaking of a spoken or unspoken rule." — Debi Silber

Mentioned:

Connect with Debi Silber:

Website: ThePBTInstitute.com

Membership Community

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins:

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

ERP 224: How To Deal With Difficult Emotions - Part Two Jul 14, 2020

Dealing with difficult emotions can feel uncertain, scary and extremely uncomfortable, especially when we have not had positive experiences with experiencing and expressing our emotion in the past.

In this episode, Dr. Jessica Higgins discusses:

The next three steps (out of five) in how to deal with difficult emotions.
How we can recognize and identify our primary emotions.
How acknowledging and naming our difficult emotions lessens the intensity of them and helps us begin the process of organizing and dealing with the emotion.
How the questions we ask ourselves can contribute to more suffering and pain.
What we can learn from our feelings and emotions.
How the insights, learnings and lessons can help us move forward in a more powerful way.
How self-compassion and understanding can help in the process of dealing with difficult emotions.

Mentioned:

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins:

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

ERP 223: How To Deal With Difficult Emotions - Part One Jul 07, 2020

Dealing with difficult emotions can feel uncertain, scary and extremely uncomfortable, especially when we have not had positive experiences with experiencing and expressing our emotion in the past.

In this episode, Dr. Jessica Higgins discusses:

The tendency to want to suppress, deny, avoid and reject our painful emotions.
How avoiding painful and difficult emotions leads to more suffering and problems in the long-term.
Learning to turn towards painful emotion can be terrifying, especially when we don't know how.
The first two steps (out of five) in how to deal with difficult emotions.
How feeling our emotion leads to our growth and development.

Mentioned:

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins:

Shifting Criticism into Connected Communication

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

ERP 222: How to Deal with Triggers in Relationship An Interview with Dr. David Richo Jun 30, 2020

David Richo Ph.D. is a Psychotherapist, Writer, and Workshop Leader. He teaches at a variety of places including Esalen and Spirit Rock Buddhist Center. He shares his time between Santa Barabara and San Francisco in California. Dave combines psychological and spiritual perspectives in his work.

In this episode, David Richo and Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss:

The 3 common triggers: fear, anger, and sadness.
The valuable lessons you can learn from your triggers.
What happens when we live with triggers for a long period of time.
Recognizing that you can be triggered by an environment, people, and/or events.
Tools for working through triggers.

"Relationships work best when we give equal attention to our own needs and to the needs of our partners and children." — David Richo

Mentioned:

ERP 195: Essential Elements of Love (Podcast)

ERP 196: Essential Elements of Love - Part Two (Podcast)

Connect with David Richo:

Website: DaveRicho.com

Books:

Triggers

When the Past is Present

How to Be an Adult in Love

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins:

The Mountain Is You: Brianna Wiest

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

ERP 221: How To Recognize and Work with Self-Sabotage in Relationship An Interview with Brianna Wiest Jun 23, 2020

Brianna Wiest has traveled internationally as a journalist, written for Fortune 500 companies, and has spoken in cities around the continental United States. She is the author of five books, her latest, The Mountain Is You: Transforming Self-Sabotage Into Self-Mastery is being published in 2020. Her dream is to use the power of words to help people awaken to their fullest potential, build emotional intelligence and fulfill their life purpose.

In this episode, Brianna Wiest and Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss:

The difference between self-sabotage and victim mentality and how to recognize what you can and cannot control.
Recognizing patterns in your relationships, so you can identify where healing needs to take place.

"There (is) a shift that people make from being a victim of their story to the person who's writing the story." — Brianna Wiest

Letting go of outside voices and expectations, so you can start connecting to what you really want to feel and experience.
How self-sabotage is actually about loving yourself, and how that realization can lead to healing.
How to gauge your level of self-sabotage, which can help indicate areas of resistance, as well as areas of flow.

"Self-sabotage is not a way we hurt ourselves; it’s a way we try to protect ourselves." — Brianna Wiest

Mentioned:

Connect with Brianna Wiest:

Website: briannawiest.com

Instagram: instagram.com/briannawiest

Podcast: Get Out Of Your Own Way

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins:

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

ERP 220: How to Reconnect Emotionally with Your Significant Other Jun 16, 2020

In this episode, I am answering a listeners's question in how to reconnect emotionally with his wife.

In this episode, Dr. Jessica Higgins discusses:

The four stages of separation distress.
The benefits and value of going slow to maintain emotional balance and regulation.
How to reveal and soften to help create safety.
The importance of being emotionally present and attuned to your significant other.
Where men often get stuck in connecting emotionally, especially when there is conflict.

Mentioned:

Shifting Criticism into Connected Communication - Free Guide
Love Sense: The Revolutionary New Science of Romantic Relationships, by Dr. Susan Johnson
ERP 220: How To Deal With Stonewalling In Relationship (podcast)
Still Face Experiment (video)
Hole Me Tight (course)
Dr. Susan Johnson talk "Conversations at The Royal: Love Sense" (video)
Love Sense (book) by Dr. Susan Johnson
Hold Me Tight (book) by Dr. Susan Johnson
The Gottman Institute (website)

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins:

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

ERP 219: The Human Need for Belonging Jun 10, 2020

Today, I am referencing Dr. Vivek Murthy's book, Together, to offer some added support for the larger conversation around institutional racism, oppression and social justice.

In this episode, Dr. Jessica Higgins discusses:

The right of human belonging and humanization.
The role of disconnection, dehumanization, fear and distrust that plays into our experience.
How do we build trust, repair and relationship together.

"The challenge of the remainder of our century is how are we as a global family going to attend to the basic fundamentals of creating the right of belonging?" John Paul Lederach in "Together" by Dr. Vivek Murthy

Exploring the question..."how do we experience more connection collectively."
How to engage in higher quality presence and connection when differences exist.

"I have a fundamental belief that at the root of every person is a spark of the Creator. There's something that binds everyone. Even if they are behaving in ways I find reprehensible, we still share a common humanity. And that can't be erased. Even if someone is doing things that are really against me or harming me or society. I feel somewhat of a responsibility to that person." Matthew Stevenson from "Together" by Dr. Vivek Murthy

Resources:

Together: The Healing Power of Human Connection in a Sometimes Lonely World, by Dr. Vivek Murthy
Black Lives Matter (reading list, find a local chapter, donate, etc)
Support Campaign Zero, a police reform group that has been working on policy solutions “informed by data and human rights principles.”
Anti-racism Resources
NY Times Antiracist Reading List

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins:

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

ERP 218: Black Lives Matter Jun 02, 2020

Today, I am pausing from the regularly scheduled episodes to stand in solidarity for Black Out Tuesday and Black Lives Matter.

On the Empowered Relationship podcast, we address principles that support healthy relationship.

The importance of safety, respect and reverence for people expands beyond intimate connection.

We are all a part of a human family. When harm, injury, abuse, injustice occurs, it affects us all whether we turn towards it or we turn away from it.

As we talk about on this show, when someone is acting out of protest, there is pain. While the message isn’t always clear. If we look deeply, what is underneath is “This is not okay. I am not okay.”

Today, I invite you to consider putting attention towards positive change and being a part of a solution.

I encourage any time you would have allocated towards improving your intimate relationship today to invest in the quality of human connection and with Black Lives specifically.

What can you do today to pivot your focus to relationship, care and consideration for the safety and well-being of Black Lives and the experience of African Americans in the United States, as well as your role (your relationship, how you participate or how you don’t participate)?

We all have a role.

There are many ways you can do this. If you are looking for ideas, please see below for some suggestions.

Another way to think about this...is what do you do when someone you love or care about is hurting? Or when you feel overwhelmed and don't know what to do?

Learn.
Read.
Listen.
Hold space.
Get involved.
Donate
Sign petitions.

Resources (not a comprehensive list):

Black Lives Matter (reading list, find a local chapter, donate, etc)
Support Campaign Zero, a police reform group that has been working on policy solutions “informed by data and human rights principles.”
Anti-racism Resources
NY Times Antiracist Reading List

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins:

Shifting Criticism into Connected Communication - Free Guide

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

ERP 217: How To Deal With Stonewalling In Relationship May 26, 2020

Today, I am giving more attention and support to a listener's question, who writes "How do you deal with a partner who stonewalls?"

In this episode, Dr. Jessica Higgins discusses:

What stonewalling is and what it entails.
Common dynamics and patterns that lead to one partner withdrawing or stonewalling.
What is often underneath the stonewalling behavior and what it feels like on the receiving end.
Research findings about the differences between men and women as it relates to stonewalling.
Over time, the pain of stonewalling can be devastating to the emotional bond and relationship.
Tips for how to get off the destructive track of the pursuer-withdrawer pattern, so that we can find our emotional balance and start a softer, more positive and constructive conversation with our partner.

Mentioned:

Love Sense: The Revolutionary New Science of Romantic Relationships, by Dr. Susan Johnson

ERP 213: How Shame And Grandiosity Relate To Self-Esteem - An Interview With Terry Real (podcast)

ERP 210: How Emotionally Intelligent Men Are Key To A Lasting Relationship - An Interview With Kyle Benson (podcast)

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins:

ERP 210: How Emotionally Intelligent Men Are Key To A Lasting Relationship - An Interview With Kyle Benson (podcast)

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

ERP 216: What To Know About Loneliness And Relationship May 20, 2020

In last weeks episode, ERP 215, we discussed how connection to other people really begins with our connection to ourself.

In this episode, Dr. Jessica Higgins discusses:

What loneliness is and how we experience it.
The 3 dimensions of loneliness, and how we need all three to thrive.
How our expectations and cultural messages influence loneliness.
The consequences and health risks of loneliness.

"Medicine and technology may fail us at times, but human connection grounded in love and compassion always heals." by Dr. Vivek Murthy

How shame and mental health issues interact with loneliness.
How loneliness is experienced differently among men and women.
Ways to build connection and emotional fitness.

"We all have a deep and abiding need to be seen for who we are - as fully dimensional, complex, and vulnerable human beings. We all need to know that we matter and that we are loved. These are the deep-seated needs that secure relationships satisfy, and when they are met, we tend to live healthier, more productive and more rewarding lives. When they go unmet, we suffer." by Dr. Vivek Murthy

Mentioned:

Together: The Healing Power of Human Connection in a Sometimes Lonely World, by Dr. Vivek Murthy

ERP 215: How To Deal With Being "Alone Together " (podcast)

ERP 213: How Shame And Grandiosity Relate To Self-Esteem - An Interview With Terry Real (podcast)

Dr. Vivek Murthy and Brené on Loneliness and Connection (podcast)

ERP 083: How Vibrant Community Helps Support Healthy Relationship - With Christiane Pelmas (podcast)

ERP 017: What To Do When You Are Feeling Lonely In Relationship - Part Two (podcast)

ERP 016: What To Do When You Are Feeling Lonely In Relationship - Part One (podcast)

ERP 110: How To Manage Two Majorly Conflicting Needs In Relationship (podcast) (podcast)

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins:

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

ERP 215: How to Deal with Being “Alone Together” May 13, 2020

When I saw the #alonetogether, I questioned "Is this really what we are all feeling? If anything, it seems like the majority of us are feeling "togetheralone."

In this episode, Dr. Jessica Higgins discusses:

With the division in perspectives and approaches right now, it can be hard to know how to move forward (with both supporting the economy and people's health and safety).
The challenges of separation, distance, lack of connection and contact that people are experiencing right now.
Ironically, how taking time to be still and centered supports our clarity, confidence, and connections.

“Don’t confuse loneliness with time by yourself” by Micaela Marini Higgs"

Why getting quality alone time is hard, and our aversion to taking it.
How it is easy to mistake or confuse anxiety, exhaustion, and stress for the need to be alone or in solitude.
The surprising benefits of choosing to invest in quality alone time.

"Our connection to other people really begins with our connection to ourself" By Dr. Vivek Murthy

Mentioned:

Together: The Healing Power of Human Connection in a Sometimes Lonely World, by Dr. Vivek Murthy

Why You Should Find Time to Be Alone With Yourself, by Micaela Marini Higgs

Dr. Vivek Murthy and Brené on Loneliness and Connection (podcast)

ERP 110: How To Manage Two Majorly Conflicting Needs In Relationship (podcast) (podcast)

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins:

A Couples Line of Development by Dr. Tom Habib

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

ERP 214: How to Advance the Development of Your Relationship - An Interview with Dr. Tom Habib May 05, 2020

Dr. Tom Habib is a clinical psychologist specializing in couple’s therapy. Tom has published papers on a Couple’s Line of Development (Integral Leadership Review, Aug-Nov, 2016, revised 2018) in addition to other publications on other topics.

He has presented at the Integral Theory Conference, at the Integral European Conference where he was recognized for the Best Practitioner Paper, Honorable Mention. Tom is currently serving as the chair for the International Consortium of Integral Scholars for IEC 2020.

Tom has been recognized by Academia.edu as achieving the top 1% researcher in recognition of how often his work is viewed by researchers all over the world.

In this episode, Dr. Tom Habib and Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss:

Exploring the developmental stages of couplehood, along with the challenges and opportunities.
How a couple’s intimacy is dependent on each person’s developmental history.
Society’s glorification of the exciting first stage of relationships and how that adds to the challenges of surviving the next phase of relationship (where reality sets in).
Two common fantasies we have in relationship and how they pose a barrier to true intimacy.

“People are blowing up their lives because they are so hungry for connection.” Dr. Tom Habib

Getting to the place where you recognize and value each other’s strengths and weaknesses and figure out how to use those to work together.
Working towards an abundance and gratitude mindset, understanding your inner world more fully, and a willingness to be transparent with your partner.
Embracing moments of emotional vulnerability to develop resonance and build moments of connection and intimacy with your significant other.
What we can learn from the last developmental stage of relationship.
How to determine what stage you are in and how to grow your relationship.

“As Ken Wilber talks about, the ability to show up fully means that you have cleaned up, you've grown up, and you've woken up. There's enough trust to not overreact to that moment, then the enlightenment really starts to build, because when they reveal something, you begin to go, ‘Wow, I didn't even see that. I wanna see more.’ ...because you're aware that it's always unfolding. And when you can unfold it with two people, it really gets special." — Dr. Tom Habib

Mentioned:

Integral European Conference: IEC ONLINE 2020

First Love Vs Spiritual Love

Relationship Map to Happy Lasting Love – Free Guide

ERP 197: How To Engage In More Conscious Communication - an Interview with Robert Macnaughton (podcast)

ERP 159: What Happens When Your Partner is at a Different Stage of Development? An Interview Martin Ucik (podcast)

ERP 093: How the “Shadow” Influences our Growth in Life and In Relationship with Dr. Keith Witt (podcast)

Connect with Dr. Tom Habib:

Website: drtomhabib.com

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/DrTomHabib/

Email: drtomhabib@gmail.com

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins:

Evolutionary Relationships

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

ERP 213: How Shame and Grandiosity Relate to Self-esteem: An Interview with Terry Real Apr 28, 2020

Terry Real is a nationally recognized family therapist and author. Particularly known for his groundbreaking work on men, his work on gender and couples. He published the national bestseller: I Don't Want To Talk About It, the first book written on the topic of male depression. He has been in private practice for thirty years and he is the Founder of The Relational Life Institute, where he teaches therapist trainings and workshops for couples

In this episode, Terry Real and Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss:

How men need to find the courage to be vulnerable in order to achieve the intimacy required to maintain a healthy relationship.
The false forms of self-esteem that many of us operate under, versus the inside-out knowledge of our essential worth as human beings.
How shame and grandiosity both stem from a feeling of unworthiness and the different ways they wreak havoc on relationships.
How to quiet the inner critic and practice self-love.
The need for a paradigm shift from a dominant style of masculinity to a cooperative, ecological, and humble masculinity.

"Here's what I want to tell you. I used to be you, I spent most of my life loathing myself. I spent most of my life bouncing back and forth between inferiority and superiority. I did not like being alone in my skin. It was not fun to be there. And what I want to tell you is I'm no longer there. I am happy in my own skin, and I earned that. Nobody gave that to me. And you can earn it just as easily if you do the work" — Terry Real

Mentioned:

Fierce Intimacy

The Long Shadow of Couples Therapy

Connect with Terry Real:

Website: terryreal.com

Facebook: Terry Real - Relational Life Institute - Home

Books: I Don't Want to Talk About It The New Rules of Marriage How Can I Get Through To You?

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins:

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

ERP 212: How to Manage Political Differences in Relationship - an Interview with Craig and Debbie Lambert Apr 21, 2020

The Mindful Couple. Craig has over 30 years of experience dedicated to helping couples rekindle their love, deepen their intimacy and strengthen communication as a couples therapist, and Debbie is a relationship educator and coach. Through Lambert Couples Therapy, they have worked with thousands of couples, helping them understand the often unconscious underpinnings of relationship conflict. They are based in San Diego.

In this episode, Craig, Debbie, and Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss:

How so much conflict comes from an inability or unwillingness to see beyond our own vantage point.
The dangers of confirmation bias and how it reinforces resistance, which makes empathy and diversity more of a challenge.
Tools to use for opening up dialogue and finding common ground.
The power of celebrating the wins that we're having, and the things that people are doing, right.
Enriching your own perspective and strengthening your relationships by becoming curious and asking questions.

"I think the political differences really brings up a lot of resistance on both sides, but it's such a beautiful opportunity to see it... then we can choose to maybe go down a different path with less resistance on either what we're doing politically or just in our relationships. I think in the midst of resistance is a desire to connect and to understand." — Debbie Lambert

Mentioned: Shifting Criticism For Connected Communication

Connect with Craig and Debbie Lambert:

Website: craiglamberttherapy.com/the-mindful-couple/

Book: The Mindful Couple

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins:

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

ERP 211: How To Get Rid of Shame to Increase Pleasure In The Bedroom - an Interview with Ian Ferguson Apr 14, 2020

Ian Ferguson is an intimacy coach and teacher of the Erotic Blueprint Breakthrough™ platform, designed to radically transform how we talk about and experience sex. Ian is an expert on clearing shame and ending struggles that keep people from experiencing a deep intimate connection and sexual satisfaction. Through the Erotic Blueprints, he and Jaiya Ma have provided a 'Rosetta Stone' for people to clearly articulate their desires and experience erotic fulfillment.

In this episode, Ian Ferguson and Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss:

How social norms make it difficult to talk about sex in a healthy way, and propagate shame.
Getting to know your own body so you can begin to articulate who you are as an erotic being
How understanding which of the five erotic personality types you fit into can transform your sex life
How to listen to the sometimes competing messages from your body and get to the heart of what it is you truly want for yourself sexually.
Shame is often driven by trauma. Allowing yourself to feel what you need to feel and move through the shame into healing is transformative and freeing.

"No matter what is going on for you, you are normal, you are not broken. You are whole and complete as you are. The primary rule for operating in the world around your sexuality is simply that everything that you're doing is consensual and that you're creating healthy boundaries for yourself." — Ian Ferguson

Mentioned:

Erotic Blueprint Quiz

Path To Passion

Connect with Guest:

Website: https://missjaiya.com/

Facebook:https://www.facebook.com/JaiyaNWSE/

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins:

Emotionally Intelligent Relationship

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

ERP 210: How Emotionally Intelligent Men are Key to a Lasting Relationship with Kyle Benson Apr 07, 2020

Kyle Benson is an Intentional Intimate Relationship coach providing practical, research-based tools to build long-lasting relationships. Kyle is best known for his compassion and non-judgmental style and his capacity to see the root problem.

In this episode, Kyle Benson and Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss:

The importance of tuning in to the information our bodies give us to improve our health and our lives.
How men who are emotionally engaged generally have more stable relationships because they are more sensitive to what was going on in their partner’s world.
How emotionally intelligent partners often turn towards difficult emotions in their partners and in themselves, rather than avoiding them.
Helping men overcome a lifetime of being told to suppress so-called “unmasculine” emotions.
The importance of creating a safe space for anyone, but especially men, to express their feelings.

"It’s such a joy to see that transformation and that kind of new shift...they're making a choice to step into something that's unfamiliar. That's scary...but when they start to touch into that in their relationship, and you create that safer space, I mean, it's really beautiful when they can connect with their partners." — Kyle Benson

Intimacy 5 Challenge

Mankind Project

Shifting Criticism into Connected Communication – Free Guide

Connect with Guest:

Website: kylebenson.net

Twitter: @_KyleBenson

Facebook: facebook.com/kylebenson.net

Email: Contact Kyle Benson

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins:

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

ERP 209: How Unresolved Grief Affects You and Your Relationship - an Interview with Donna Lancaster Mar 31, 2020

Donna is one of the Co-founders and facilitators of The Bridge Retreat and has been working with individuals, couples and groups for almost 30 years.

Donna is passionate about the subject of grief and the grieving process which she believes offers the missing link for many in their search for wholeness. This interest stemmed from her own very personal experience of ‘depression’ which she suffered from for many years and now knows to have in fact been unprocessed grief.

In this episode, Donna Lancaster and Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss:

Discomfort, anxiety, and depression may actually be unprocessed pain and grief.
Being grateful for our incredible capacity for survival and resilience, but not letting our past difficulties define you.
How we tend to see people through our own lenses of past pain.
Heartbreak is inevitable and an essential part of being wonderfully human.
The power of recognizing pain as a community, and healing in a community.

"The details of our stories may differ. But the essence of them is the same...we all go through loss, our hearts break, again and again, it’s part of the human condition. But what we're not shown, generally speaking, is how to allow and to embrace all those emotions and let them flow through us (as) they're meant to do, so that we can then really, really return to our wholeness. Not even return, just remember, because we always were home. And that is the power of community." — Donna Lancaster

Mentioned:

The Bridge Retreat Video

The Bridge Retreat website

How to Handle Grief & Loss In Relationship podcast)

How to Handle Grief & Loss In Relationship - Part Two (podcast)

Grief Refuge (grief companioning)

Free strategy session with Dr. Jessica Higgins (coaching)

Connect with Donna:

Website: https://www.thebridgeretreat.com/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thebridgeretreat/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/thebridgehealing/

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins:

Shifting Criticism into Connected Communication - Free Guide

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

ERP 208: How To Find Balance And Direction Mar 25, 2020

No doubt, we are all feeling the stress of the COVID-19 crisis. I reach out to you today to be in community with you, as we are all being impacted. With the threats looming, it is easy to feel scared, uncertain, and a sense of loss.

(Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories and examples.)

In this episode, Dr. Jessica Higgins discusses:

How the way with deal with a challenge can be more important than the challenge itself.
How to find a balance between panicking in fear and ignoring or dismissing the issue.
Learning to manage our reactions and activated states.
Building awareness around our experience, so that we can be more present to others and ourselves.
Focusing on an Intention for clarity and direction.
How to build connection with others even when we are limited.
How to practice discernment and mindful action.

Mentioned:

Awareness, Intention And Mindful Action - During Stressful Times (article)
Fear Melters, by Gay & Katie Hendricks
Wheel of Awareness, by Dr. Dan Siegel
Aware, by Daniel Siegel
Coming to Terms With Coincidence, By Ralph Lewis M.D

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins:

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

ERP 207: How To Get Out Of Financial Debt When Working Together As A Couple - An Interview With Ericka Young Mar 17, 2020

Ericka Young is a recognized expert in financial coaching and helps families significantly improve their finances and their future. As founder and president of Tailor-Made Budgets, she teaches debt freedom through her e-newsletters, personal coaching, group programs, and speaking engagements.

In this episode, Ericka Young and Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss:

How most people see debt as “normal,” but it breeds shame and embarrassment.
Once you reach your breaking point, getting out of debt requires diligence and persistence.
Rather than being restrictive, a budget can be freeing and give you control of your finances.
If you are afraid to look at your debt, then you won’t know what it's going to take to get free.
Working together as a couple requires stepping back, looking at the big picture, and working toward a common goal.

"They're so afraid that looking at the number is going to mean that the house is gonna fall down around them. And my take on this is, first of all, you're not alone. This is why I'm here. I've been there. And so I understand that this is difficult. You can do hard things though. And if you don't face it, you can't change it." — Ericka Young

Mentioned:

Free Mini-Course

Naked and Unashamed

Connect with Ericka:

Website: https://www.tailormadebudgets.com/

Facebook: TailorMadeBudgets

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/tailormadebudgets/

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/erickayoung/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/budgetsbyericka

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins:

Shifting Criticism into Connected Communication - Free Guide

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

ERP 206: What Is The Relationship Between Porn And Lovemaking Mar 11, 2020

Typically, we don't think about porn being related to lovemaking. However, many people are experiencing relationship challenges related to the use of porn.

(Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories and examples.)

In this episode, Dr. Jessica Higgins discusses:

How the use of porn has changed over time.
Our paradigm about and consciousness around porn.
What happens when we don't examine how and why we use porn.
How porn supports one aspect of sexuality, which may be very limiting when it comes to interacting with an actual partner.
How porn addiction and miseducation can interfere with love making.
How we may be turning away from our partners and using porn as a coping strategy.
How lovemaking can be an all encompassing, full-spectrum, and integrated experience.

"Porn is strictly genital sex. It completely divorces sex from emotional attachment, the springboard for optimal sex, which requires mutual engagement, attunement, and responsiveness. Porn reduces sex to sensation - intercourse and orgasm - and eliminates any connection to or respect for the user's partner." by Dr. Susan Johnson

Relationship Map - Free Cheat Sheet

Mentioned:

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins:

Shifting Criticism into Connected Communication - Free Guide

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

ERP 205: Overcoming Money Issues And Creating Abundance Together An Interview With Simone Milasas Mar 03, 2020

About Simone Milasas: Simone Milasas is a lady who knows how to be a woman, who sees the joy of possibility and future and knows that there is the prospect of possibility in every choice you choose. Simone is the author of Joy Of Business translated into 13 languages and best-selling book Getting Out Of Debt Joyfully translated into 5 languages. She is currently working on her 3rd book with Brendon Watt called; Relationship. Are you sure you want one?

Simone currently travels the world facilitating seminars with Access Consciousness. She also has numerous online courses and is always asking for more possibilities to show up. You can find Simone every week on her podcast – The Art & Industry of Business & Living available on her website and iTunes.

In this episode, Simone Milasas and Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss:

How money should contribute to your relationships, rather than define them
Being willing to look at what’s in front of you and knowing yourself and your partner creates trust.
Money is just money and shouldn’t create as much havoc as it does
Creating a non-judgmental space is essential for open communication about finances
Writing down everything that it costs to run your life together, and deciding how you want to live is how to make informed choices and take control of your finances
Make it a joyous occasion to look at your expenses because your life changes!
If you don’t ask for it, how’s it going to show up?
Subtext doesn’t work, it only creates conflict. Your partner can’t read your mind!
Recognizing the value of non-monetary contributions to the relationship
You've got to look at what's going to work for you

"What I've noticed over the years is if I choose to be clear on something, then I can create something and I can change something. It's when you choose not to be aware of something that you can't change it...And if you don't know what your point of view is that creates your own financial reality and you're in a relationship, then this reality will create it for you." — Simone Milasas  

Mentioned: Access Consciousness. Relationship. Are You Sure You Want One?Relationships Done Different

Connect with Guest: Website: https://www.simonemilasas.com/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/AccessSimoneMilasas Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/simonemilasas/ Podcast: https://www.simonemilasas.com/podcasts/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/simonemilasas LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/joyofbusiness/:

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins: Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins Twitter: @DrJessHiggins Website: drjessicahiggins.com Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

ERP 204: Lessons learned from Renew Breakup Bootcamp an interview with Amy Chan Feb 25, 2020

Learning more about your attachment and communication styles can give you and your partner the power to transform a challenging relationship.

About Amy Chan:

Amy Chan is the Founder of Renew Breakup Bootcamp, a retreat that takes a scientific and spiritual approach to healing the heart. She is also the Editor-in-Chief of JustMyType.ca - an online magazine that focuses on the psychology behind love, lust and desire. Marie Claire calls her "A relationship expert whose work is like that of a scientific Carrie Bradshaw" and her company has been featured across national media including Good Morning America, Vogue, Glamour, Nightline and the front page of The New York Times.

(Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories and examples.)

In this episode, Amy Chan and Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss:

How relationship challenges can teach us about our areas of growth and healing.
How to notice if you are starting to lose yourself in a relationship and how to maintain a healthy connection, both with your partner and with yourself.
The importance of identifying the root motivations for our giving and sacrifice behavior.
What attachment theory is and how early life plays a large role in your attachment style in a relationship.
How knowing your attachment style can help you resolve issues more quickly with your significant other, as well as help you develop a more secure attachment.
Tips around what to do when you feel triggered and threatened, so that you can begin to regulate your nervous system and emotional state.
Learning how to organize your feelings and approach your partner in a way that supports more effective communication.

"When you're in this survival state, that your connection is threatened, you're not logical. So anything you're going to do during that state is probably not a really healthy choice for your future. And so you want to get back to calm and center. And before you do anything, before you send that text or make that call or break up, you want to be able to get back into a high vibe." — Amy Chan

Mentioned:

Amy’s Breakup Bootcamp

Connect with Amy Chan:

Website: www.renewbreakupbootcamp.com

Blog: https://www.justmytype.ca/

Breakup Bootcamp on Instagram: @renewyourheart

Amy Chan on Instagram: @missamychan

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins:

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

ERP 203: Discussing the film Ordinary Love with Lisa Barros D'Sa and Glenn Leyburn Feb 18, 2020

In this episode, I talk with Lisa Barros D'Sa and Glenn Leyburn about the film Ordinary Love.

Bleecker Street's ORDINARY LOVE, starring Academy Award® nominees Lesley Manville (“Phantom Thread”) and Liam Neeson (“Schlinder’s List”). Following its critically acclaimed debut at TIFF, ORDINARY LOVE hit theaters on Valentine's Day, February 14th, and follows the story of an everyday couple with a remarkable love.

The film is directed by Irish filmmaking duo Lisa Barros D’Sa & Glenn Leyburn (“Good Vibrations,” “Cherrybomb”) with a screenplay from the award-winning playwright Owen McCafferty.

(Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories and examples.)

In this episode, Lisa Barros D'Sa, Glenn Leyburn and Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss:

A love story of a middle-aged couple.
The warmth, humor, and connection that comes from a deep level of intimacy.
When confronted with a major hardship, we have the opportunity to uplift each other and keep each other afloat.
With a major health issue, there is an individual journey as well as a couple journey.
When we attempt to protect our partner from our pain, we often feel isolated.
What honesty, acceptance, strength and courage can look like within a relationship during painful times.
How life's difficulties can separate us and bring us back together again.
Collaboration through mutual trust and respect.

Mentioned:

Website: https://bleeckerstreetmedia.com/ordinary-love-film
Insta: bleeckerstfilms
Twitter: @bleeckerstfilms

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins:

Shifting Criticism into Connected Communication - Free Guide

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

ERP 202: How To Nurture Your Sexual Intimacy And Connection In Relationship Feb 11, 2020

Sharing sexual intimacy and love making with your significant other can be such a profound and prominent way to express love and passion within your bond. And yet, there are so many things that make the process of coming together in an open, flexible, and engaged way challenging.

(Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories and examples.)

In this episode, Dr. Jessica Higgins discusses:

How our expectations, assumptions and judgements influence our experience sexually.
What differentiation has to do with sexual fire and passion.
How couples get stuck in gridlock and sexual difficulties.
The fears, shame, anxieties, trauma, and stress that affect our ability to be available and present sexually.
The ways our attachment strategies show up in our love making.
How safety in the relationship helps partners be more present, expressed and engaged in erotic play.

"Worry and distraction do not make for expansive, fulfilling sex. Sealed-off sex tends to be erotic but empty, while solcae sex is soothing but unerotic. The most satisfying and orgasmic sex, what I call "synchrony sex," occurs when partners are securely attached." by Dr. Susan Johnson

Mentioned:

Relationship Map - Free Cheat Sheet

Mentioned:

WHAT DOES THE DEVELOPMENT OF INTIMACY LOOK LIKE IN RELATIONSHIP?
ERP 110: HOW TO MANAGE TWO MAJORLY CONFLICTING NEEDS IN RELATIONSHIP
Love Sense: The Revolutionary New Science of Romantic Relationships, by Dr. Susan Johnson
Hold Me Tight, by Dr. Susan Johnson
Passionate Marriage by Dr. David Schnarch
Intimacy & Desire, by David Schnarch

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins:

Shifting Criticism into Connected Communication - Free Guide

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

ERP 201: How To Handle Your Partner Going Against Your Wishes Feb 04, 2020

In this episode, I will be addressing a listener's question in a little more depth.

If you do not resonate with the example shared, then please replace "tattoo" with something that your partner has done that is against your wishes.

(Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories and examples.)

In this episode, Dr. Jessica Higgins discusses:

The benefits of working through the power struggle phase.
Navigating the two main conflicting needs in relationship.
Addressing differences in a safe, supportive and collaborative way.
How to develop deeper levels of understanding and empathy when discussing a tender, emotional topic with your significant other.
Gaining clarity about boundaries and agreements.
Identifying and shifting out of critical and defensive patterns.

Mentioned:

Relationship Map - Free Cheat Sheet

Podcast:

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins:

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

ERP 200: How To Use Your Emotional Intelligence For Connection, Part Two Jan 29, 2020

In Part 2 of this series, Jessica dives deeper into the how-tos of building emotional connectivity with our partners in order to reaffirm trust and safety while negating criticism.

(Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories and examples.)

In this episode Dr. Jessica Higgins discusses:

Healing the intimacy disconnect between unspoken fear and defensiveness.
Why humans are designed to be in bonded relationships.
Dr. Susan Johnson’s research on the psychological repercussions of emotional independence.
Differences between men and women in emotional responses and suppression.
How to learn the road map of emotionally connected conversations.
The feedback loop between vulnerability and security.
The ability to find balance and the vital importance of at least one positive, early attachment parental figure.
Why intimacy is rooted in empathy.

" Learning to love and be loved is, in effect, about learning to tune into our emotions so that we know what we need from a partner, and expressing those needs openly in a way that evokes sympathy and support from him or her." — Dr. Susan Johnson

Mentioned:

ERP, How To Use Your Emotional Intelligence For Connection, Part One
Love Sense by Dr. Susan Johnson
Hold Me Tight, by Dr. Susan Johnson
Shifting Criticism Into Connected Communication

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins:

Shifting Criticism into Connected Communication - Free Guide

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button  here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

ERP 199: How to Use Your Emotional Intelligence for Connection Jan 21, 2020

All too often we get stuck in disconnect patterns when painful emotions arise in relationship. Most of the time, we don't even know we are hurting because we are only aware of our reactions...anger, frustration, criticism etc. When we lead with our reactions, our partner doesn't see our pain, and does not know how to help.

(Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories and examples.)

In this episode, Dr. Jessica Higgins discusses:

What would happen if we freeze framed the moment right before we react to our partner? What would we learn?
How we often don't have a road map for how to be with our difficult emotions.
The strategies we develop to cope with painful emotions in relationship.
The purpose of emotion.
What happens when we name painful emotions.
The groundwork for empathy in relationship.

"Emotion is actually nature's exquisitely efficient information-processing and signaling system..." by Dr. Susan Johnson

Mentioned:

Podcast:

Book: Love Sense: The Revolutionary New Science of Romantic Relationships, by Dr. Susan Johnson

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins:

ERP 140: HOW PAIN AND SUFFERING INCREASE & WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

ERP 198: How To Apply Success Principles To Relationship an interview with Noah St John Jan 15, 2020

About Noah St John:

Noah St. John, author of 15 books including the NEW book Power Habits®: The New Science for Making Success Automatic®

Noah St. John is known as "The Power Habits® Mentor" and is famous for helping people get rid of their head trash and make more money. 

(Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories and examples.)

In this episode, Noah St John and Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss:

How people end up starving themselves of success.
Recognizing the learning process of being successful.
The interaction (and combined effect) of the inner game and the outer game.
Identifying unconscious patterns.
Assessing systems and strategies.
What are power habits for happy couples
Getting our brain to be in service of possibilities and positive outcomes.
How to ask empowering questions.
The elements of freedom lifestyle - time, energy, relationship, money.

Mentioned:

ERP 141: HOW TO DECREASE RELATIONSHIP PAIN AND SUFFERING

Shifting Criticism into Connected Communication - Free Guide

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/noahstjohn

Website: www.NoahStJohn.com

Instagram: @noahstjohn

Book: www.PowerHabitsBook.com

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins:

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

ERP 196: 5 Essential Elements Of Love - Part Two Dec 31, 2019

Today, we are continuing the conversation about how to cultivate a more loving presence through the Five A's offered by David Richo.

The Five A's are Attention, Acceptance, Appreciation, Affection, and Allowing.

If you missed episode ERP 195: 5 Essential Elements Of Love - Part- One, I encourage you to listen to it before listening to this episode, as it gives context for this conversation as well as discusses the first 2 A's.

(Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories and examples.)

In this episode, Dr. Jessica Higgins discusses:

The challenges of not receiving appreciation and how this can affect us both personally and relationally.
How offering specific appreciations can increase the positive impact.
Affection refers not just to physical contact, but also to the feeling of being close through conversation, gestures, and presence.
Allowing means letting someone be themselves and giving them the freedom to do things in their own way.
The difference between trying to control your partner and setting limits and boundaries for yourself.
The importance of giving the 5 A's to others AND giving the 5 A's to ourselves.

"Being a fair witness requires a healthy ego, because distance and objectivity are unavailable to someone with poor boundaries, no tolerance of ambiguity, and no sense of a personal center." by David Richo

Mentioned:

Podcast:

Website: David Richo's website

Book: How To Be An Adult In Relationships - Five Keys to Mindful Living, by David Richo

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins:

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

ERP 195: 5 Essential Elements Of Love Dec 24, 2019

In the book, "How To Be An Adult In Relationships - Five Keys to Mindful Living," David Richo offers us 5 essential practices of love.

David calls these practices the "Five A's," which are attention, acceptance, appreciation, affection, and allowing.

"What we need for the building of a self is precisely what we need for happiness in our adult love relationships." by David Richo

(Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories and examples.)

In this episode, Dr. Jessica Higgins discusses:

Our human need for the 5 A's occurs throughout our lifespan in order to thrive and feel secure.
Giving and receiving the 5 A's with a significant other can reduce stress, anxiety, depression, as well as can help heal wounds from previous relationship trauma.
The importance of giving the 5 A's to others AND giving the 5 A's to ourselves.
A description of the first 2 (of the 5) A's: Attention and Acceptance.

"Love from another adult does more than just satisfy us in the present. It ripples back in time for us, repairing, restoring, and renovating an inadequate past." by David Richo

Mentioned:

Podcast:

Website: David Richo's website

Book: How To Be An Adult In Relationships - Five Keys to Mindful Living, by David Richo

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins:

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

ERP 197: How to engage in more conscious communication with Robert MacNaughton Dec 24, 2019

About Robert MacNaughton: Robert MacNaughton is an executive leadership coach and facilitator who teaches about how to skillfully reconcile seemingly contradictory world-views in relationships, organization, and culture. Robert is an authority in the fields of Integral business, behavioral development, and experiential education. Robert focuses on supporting leaders with execution strategies, designing work culture, and navigating interpersonal conflict both personally and professionally.

Robert founded The Integral Center in Boulder, Colorado in association with renowned philosopher Ken Wilber. As its CEO, Robert managed five profit centers and supervised over 100 contractors, teachers, facilitators, and community leaders in over 25 cities globally

(Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories and examples.)

In this episode, Robert MacNaughton and Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss:

The difference between relating and relationship.
What integral theory is and how it relates in our lives and our relationships.
The line of development that can be traced in our lives.
Cultivating tools for your communication toolbox.
The art and science of setting context.
How partners experience conflict at different stages.
Negotiating relationship between partners at different stages.

"Be on the lookout for your canaries in the coal mine." — Robert MacNaughton

Mentioned:

Twitter: @rmacnaughton

Website: IntegralCentered.com

The Daily Evolver: The First Church of the Integral

Forbes: Millennials, This Is What Your Quarter-Life Crisis Is Telling You

Emerge Podcast: Robert MacNaughton – Learnings from the Life and Death of the Integral Center

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins:

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you!

If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

ERP 194: How to Alchemize your Triggers into Insight – an Interview with Tobin Zivon Dec 17, 2019

About Tobin Zivon: Tobin Zivon has been a love, intimacy and sacred sexuality coach for over two and a half decades. 

The author of The Art of Mindful Living, Tobin helps groups, couples and individuals blossom to their highest potential. His brilliance shines most brightly when working with men, women and couples in the realms of love, intimacy and sacred sexuality.  Tobin has been lovingly nicknamed the “couples whisperer” and has worked with thousands of individuals and couples to break through to a new, more fulfilling and connected love life. 

(Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories and examples.)

In this episode, Tobin Zivon and Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss:

How to unlock repetitive frustration patterns and power struggles in relationships.
Why and how frustrating patterns start in the first place.
The “divine design” present in 99% of relationships.
Optimizing love and the two-step dance of embodying our true potential in the areas of love and intimacy.
Being armed with the skillful means and tools to get at the root of ourselves and our relationships is the second step.
The traumas and imprints within each of us and learning to live with and through them.
Common frustrations of the masculine and feminine and how they play into each other.
The surprising keys for dissolving power struggles (and what keeps them in place).

"If you have the capacity to, first and foremost, meet that [heat] with loving awareness – a willingness to feel - we are starting to drive a wedge into it in that moment. Any moment, any millisecond, that we are feeling, as opposed to letting it run the show or stuffing it down and pretending it doesn’t exist, then we are actually doing that alchemy; we are actually healing a part of our being that was imprinted from before this person who’s in front of us." — Tobin Zivon

Mentioned:

Facebook: Tobin Zivon

Website: TobinZivon.com & Relationship-Mastery-Secrets.com

Instagram: @tobinzivon

Book: The Art of Mindful Living

Book Reference: A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose – Eckhart Tolle

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins:

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

ERP 193: How to access “you” (your true essence) in relationship – an Interview with Amy E. Smith Dec 10, 2019

About Amy E. Smith: Amy E. Smith is a certified confidence coach, masterful speaker, and personal empowerment expert. Founder of TheJoyJunkie.com, Amy uses her roles as coach, writer, podcaster, and speaker to move individuals to a place of radical personal empowerment and self-love. 

With acute focus on helping people “find their voice”, she is highly sought after for her uncommon style of irreverence, wisdom, and humor.

(Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories and examples.)

In this episode, Amy E. Smith and Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss:

Common blocks to our happiness and joy.
Ways to identify our feelings of “not enoughness.”
Key approaches to experiencing self-love and inner worth.
Emotions deliver valuable messages – they are not good or bad.
Ways to develop and access new neuropathways to positive experiences.
Changing how you see yourself takes massive repetition before it becomes the norm.
It’s what you do “in the field” that makes a difference.

"It comes down to your beliefs about yourself, which then inform your self-talk. How you are speaking to yourself, that really does become your reality." — Amy E. Smith

Mentioned:

Twitter: @thejoyjunkie

Facebook: The Joy Junkie After Hours Club with Amy E. Smith

Website: TheJoyJunkie.com

FREE eWorkbook: Stand up for Yourself without Being a Dick

Instagram: @thejoyjunkie

Show: The Joy Junkie Show

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins:

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

ERP 192: How To Resolve Financial Anxiety In Your Relationship – an interview with Lindsay Bryan-Podvin Dec 03, 2019

About Lindsay Bryan-Podvin:  Lindsay is a financial therapist dedicated to bringing couples the knowledge they need about personal finances to deepen their relationships. I'm passionate about helping couples feel at peace with their money. It's my mission to open up a dialogue with my clients to talk about their money beyond the dollars and cents so they can feel darn good about how their money is working for them.

(Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories and examples.)

In this episode, Lindsay Bryan-Podvin and Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss:

The importance of developing financial intimacy.
How to negotiate differences around money.
Budgeting does not equate to money talk.
When to hit the therapy help button.
Compassion and self-understanding are key to a healthy conversation around money.
Financial anxiety can manifest into real, tangible financial problems if it's not addressed.
Schedule frequent “money dates” to talk about your goals, needs and values.
When each partner can lean into their natural strengths about money, both are empowered.

“Money dates are some of the sexiest dates you can have!” - Lindsay Bryan-Podvin

Mentioned:

Website: www.mindmoneybalance.com

Book: The Financial Anxiety Solution (to be released in 2020)

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/LindsayBryan-Podvin

Pinterest: mindmoneybalance

Instagram: mindmoneybalance

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins:

How to Experience More Love in your Relationship with Byron Katie

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

ERP 191: How to Drastically Change your Experience in Relationship – an interview with Larry Bilotta Nov 26, 2019

About Larry Bilotta: Married over 45 years in an age of divorce, Larry Bilotta is an authority on understanding people, marriage and relationships. 

Larry lived 27 years in a marriage made in Hell, but in the 28th year, fell in love…with his wife! As one of the few marriage experts who actually transformed his OWN marriage, today, Larry holds the key to bringing a marriage back from the brink of divorce - even AFTER the papers have been filed.

(Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories and examples.)

In this episode, Larry Bilotta and Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss:

The hidden danger of becoming your parents.
The conflict couples experience with old programs and the stories we tell ourselves.
The destructive nature of the ego, that little voice inside your head.
The importance of learning from pain rather than running away from it.
Four steps of working with “against energy.”
The importance of becoming the “Leader of Minds.”

"The sloppy start up period is not long if you are clear on your mission." — Larry Bilotta

Mentioned:

Twitter: @LarryBilotta

Facebook: Larry Bilotta

Website: YouCanSaveThisMarriage.com & ItOnlyTakesOneMan.com & ItOnlyTakesOneWoman.com

YouTube: Larry Bilotta

Chaos to Purpose Scale

Marriage Tornado

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins:

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

ERP 190: How to shift out of chaos in relationship – An Interview with Dr. Laura Louis Nov 19, 2019

About Dr. Laura Louis: As a licensed psychologist, Dr. Laura Louis is a widely sought-after speaker specializing in helping couples press the reset button after infidelity. Her five-step training program, Marriage Matters, has helped couples reawaken their connection. Affectionately deemed the “Marriage Architect”, Dr. Louis gives couples the tools to build their marriages.

(Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories and examples.)

In this episode, Dr. Laura Louis and Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss:

Chaos takes us out of peace and into a place of conflict and stress.
The importance of gaining insight into your issue before bringing it to your partner.
How using a gentle start-up can set the conversation up well.
Couple’s therapy can bring an objective third party to guide a dialogue and bring tools to help solve something a couple can’t solve themselves.
Having trusted advisors in your life that can help bring awareness to your part of the conflict that you may not initially see on your own.
“Acknowledgment and change silences criticism.”
Timing is key when talking about an issue with your significant other.
Be mindful that your partner has a deep longing underneath their complaint.
Get in touch with how much your partner's happiness matters to you.
Learn strategies for creating healing conversations and being on the same page together.

"Try to hear the longing beyond the control and defensiveness." — Dr. Laura Louis

Mentioned:

Facebook: Dr Laura Louis

Website: AtlantaCoupleTherapy.com & Dr.LauraLouis.com

Instagram: @dr.lauralouis

YouTube: Dr. Laura Louis

LinkedIn: Dr. Laura Louis, Ph.D.

The After I Do Academy

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins:

Four Step Blueprint for Tough Conversations

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

ERP 189: How being “selfish” may be the best thing you do for your relationship – an interview with Dr. Laura Dabney Nov 12, 2019

About Dr. Laura Dabney: Dr. Laura Dabney has been a psychiatrist in Virginia Beach, VA for almost twenty years and has treated patients in more than a dozen cities across Virginia. Her psychiatric expertise has been featured on radio, podcasts, websites and in print media. She received her MD from Eastern Virginia Medical School and has been Board Certified in Psychiatry. She has made a career of taking on psychiatry’s toughest challenges all while ensuring the absolute privacy of powerful, high-profile patients.

(Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories and examples.)

In this episode, Dr. Laura Dabney and Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss:

How difficult it can be to identify our emotions.
How we make our emotions the enemy.
The three top emotions that we have trouble with.
How to change a destructive relationship pattern.
A template for expressing our emotions.
How to not accept any inappropriate behavior from your partner.
How to encourage change in your partner.
How to repair grief from past injury.

"If you change the pattern, the pattern has changed. You don’t need two people in the room to change the pattern." — Dr. Laura Dabney    Mentioned: Instagram: @lauradabneycom Facebook: Laura F. Dabney, MD Website: DrLDabney.com & LauraDabney.com Phone: 757-695-3925   Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins: Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins Twitter: @DrJessHiggins Website: drjessicahiggins.com Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com   If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.   Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.   Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.   Thank you!    If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

ERP 188: The Benefits of Having a Tough Conversation – an interview with David Wood Nov 05, 2019

About David Wood: After life as a consulting actuary to Fortune 100 Companies, David built the one of the world's largest coaching businesses, becoming #1 on Google for “life coaching.”

David Wood believes the tough conversations we avoid are our doorways to confidence, success, and even love – in both work and life. David coaches high performing entrepreneurs, executives and teams - even prison inmates - to amazing results AND connection. One conversation at a time. 

(Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories and examples.)

In this episode, David Wood and Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss:

What is considered a Tough Conversation.
The benefits of having Tough Conversations and the dangers of sweeping them under the rug.
Why David is so passionate about the practice of having Tough Conversations
How people typically deal with having Tough Conversations.
Examples of Tough Conversations that people tend to avoid in relationships.
The Four Steps for having a Tough Conversation.

"The real benefit [of having a tough conversation] is how good it feels, and how much I like myself more by speaking up and being expressed." — David Wood

Mentioned:

Website: PlayForReal.Life

Show: Tough Conversations Podcast with David Wood

YouTube: Tough Conversations with David Wood

Book Reference: Real Love: The Truth About Finding Unconditional Love & Fulfilling Relationships by Greg Baer

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins:

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

ERP 187: The 4 Habits of Joy-Filled Marriages with Marcus Warner and Chris Coursey Oct 29, 2019

About Dr. Marcus Warner: A conference speaker and author who has spent over thirty years helping people and organizations navigate some of life's toughest challenges. As the president of Deeper Walk International he has helped develop dozens of resources that deal with recovery, leadership, and family life. 

About Chris M. Coursey: The president of THRIVEtoday, a non-profit focusing on training leaders and communities in the nineteen skills that make relationships work. Chris is an ordained minister, pastoral counselor, published author, curriculum designer and international speaker.

(Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories and examples.)

In this episode, Dr. Marcus Warner, Chris Coursey, and Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss:

We live in a low -joy culture, and a lot of people come from low-joy families. That effects so many things in life.
Joy is accessible. Your brain is wired for joy.
Joy is contagious – we don’t dismiss the negative aspects, but we can amplify the positive and the joy in every day.
Navigating the Joy Gap with PLAN – Play together, Listening for Emotion, Appreciating Daily, Nurture a Rhythm).
Ways to build play in your relationship.
The practice of appreciation is the fastest way to grow your joy center, and to bond with another.

"If you can affect the home, and affect what’s going on the marriage, then you’re going to be able to have a greater impact overall." — Dr. Marcus Warner

Mentioned:

Facebook: Deeper Walk International & THRIVEtoday

Website: HappyHappyMarriage.org & DeeperWalkInternational.org & ThriveToday.org

Book: The 4 Habits of Joy-Filled Marriages

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins:

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

ERP 186: How to Prioritize the Most Important Element of Your Relationship – an Interview with Rabbi Manis Friedman Oct 22, 2019

About Rabbi Manis Friedman: World-renowned author, counselor, lecturer and philosopher, Rabbi Manis Friedman uses ancient wisdom and modern wit as he captivates audiences around the country and the world. Rabbi Friedman started an organization called “It’s Good to Know” which reaches thousands of people every month through his online classes and events.    

(Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories and examples.)

In this episode, Rabbi Manis Friedman and Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss:

Functional marriages versus intimate marriages.
Love doesn’t bond you, it separates you, because love is a personal experience.
The difference between sex and intimacy.
The harm of pornography and its pervasiveness in society.
The essence of marriage is giving and receiving.
Addressing tension points to build intimacy and trust.
Only getting married if you believe in marriage and are in it forever.
What home should feel like, regardless of moods.

"The thing that is ruining marriages today is love – love has become toxic, and love cannot hold a relationship together, it wasn’t meant to. Being in love does not mean you’re in a good relationship, it means you found some pleasure in your life." — Rabbi Manis Friedman    Mentioned: Twitter: @ManisFriedman Facebook: Rabbi Manis Friedman Website: ItsGoodToKnow.org Instagram: @rabbimanisfriedman Books: The Joy of Intimacy: A Soulful Guide to Love, Sexuality, & Marriage & Doesn’t Anyone Blush Anymore? Show: Ideas that Change the World… YouTube: Rabbi Manis Friedman LinkedIn: Manis Friedman   Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins: Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins Twitter: @DrJessHiggins Website: drjessicahiggins.com Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com   If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.   Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.   Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.   Thank you!    If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

ERP 185: How To Live An "UnHidden" Life - An Interview With Robert Kandell Oct 15, 2019

About Robert Kandell: Robert Kandell is an interpersonal communication expert, speaker, podcaster and the author of the bestselling book, unHIDDEN: A Book for Men and Those Confused by Them. Since 2002, Robert’s mission has been to help people find themselves and use their internal power to live their best lives. He is the host of the podcast, Tuff Love, where he puts his compassionate, hard-hitting insight to work helping people move forward in their lives with clarity.

In this episode, Robert Kandell and Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss:

The journey of becoming “unhidden” and living with more purpose and authenticity.
People are moved by inspiration or by desperation
The markers of living a “hidden” life.
How to engage and step into more of your potential.
Why this is the best time to be a man
How “being a man” has changed in recent decades, and how it has stayed the same
A framework for creating change in your life

"There’s so much potential to be the best party in town, so if men will get off the couches, let go of Netflix, stop watching porn, it could be the best time to be a man." — Robert Kandell

Mentioned:

Twitter: @Robertkandell

Facebook: Tuff Love with Robert Kandell & Robert Kandell

Website: RobertKandell.com

Book: unHIDDEN: A Book for Men and Those Confused by Them

Show: Tuff Love

YouTube: The unHidden Path with Robert Kandell

LinkedIn: Robert Kandell

Instagram: @robert.kandell

Pinterest: Kandell Consulting

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins:

For Each Other: Sharing Sexual Intimacy

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you!

If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

ERP 184: How to Deal with Sexual Incompatibilities an Interview with Dr. Lonnie Barbach Oct 01, 2019

About Dr. Lonnie Barbach:

Dr. Lonnie Barbach, a clinical-social psychologist, was co-director of clinical training at UCSF medical centers sexuality program and is currently in private practice.  She has received numerous awards for her work on sexuality and has written a dozen books on relationships, sexuality and menopause. Her best-known books include: For Yourself, The Erotic Edge, The Pause and Going the Distance, co-authored with her partner, David Geisinger, Ph.D.  She is also cofounder of Happy Couple a relationship game app designed to enhance a couple’s communication and satisfaction.

(Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories and examples.)

In this episode, Dr. Lonnie Barbach and Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss:

Dr. Barbach’s work in enabling couples to create a safe and intimate relationship without a mediator.
Being able to talk about your feelings, not just your thoughts.
Withholding feelings and power imbalances.
The unique sexual being that is each individual person.
Prioritizing the bond and relationship.
The evolution of sexuality and relationships and life.
Creativity and unique expression in sexuality and relationships.

"Safety has a lot to do with feeling sexual." — Dr. Lonnie Barbach

Mentioned:

Website: LonnieBarbach.com

App: HappyCouple.co

Books: For Yourself: The Fulfillment of Female Sexuality

The Pause: Positive Approaches to Perimenopause and Menopause

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins:

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

ERP 183: The Return of the Gentleman with Dr. Dain Heer Sep 20, 2019

In this episode, Dr. Dain Heer and Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss:

What a gentleman is and what it means to be a holistic you.
Masculinity and how it appears in relationships.
The masculine and feminine traits that we all possess and embracing them in our lives.
How to look at the judgments, rules, and expectations we live by and work with them, so that you can connect with what is truly you.
Getting present with the secrets within yourself – “today’s secret is tomorrow’s lie.”
The five elements to intimacy.
Living your life without judgment and with gratitude, honoring, joy, and allowance.

"When you first get together, you will see them not through the eyes of judgment, but through the eyes of possibility." — Dr. Dain Heer

(Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories and examples.)

About Dr. Dain Heer: Dain Heer is a popular speaker, author and inviter to greatness and consciousness. Originally raised in the ghettos of Los Angeles and trained as a chiropractor, Dr Heer is also the co-founder of a diverse range of businesses around the world. A conscious and creative thought leader with a profound understanding of the power of personal creation, Dr. Heer draws upon his background and unique perspective to facilitate positive change in the world, and empower people from every culture, country, age and social strata to create the money, relationships and life they truly desire.

Mentioned:

Twitter: @dr_dainheer

Facebook: Dr. Dain Heer

Website: ReturnoftheGentleman.com & DrDainHeer.com & AccessConsciousness.com

Book: Return of the Gentleman

YouTube: Dain Heer

LinkedIn: Dr. Dain Heer

Instagram: @dainheer

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins:

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

ERP 182: How To Encourage Your Partner To Go To Therapy Sep 15, 2019

Several listeners have posed the question “How do I get my partner to go to therapy?” Or “How do I get my partner to go to therapy with me?“

Today, I am going to give you some guidelines to consider when approaching this conversation with your significant other.

(Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories and examples.)

DISCUSSED IN THIS EPISODE:

How difficult it is to watch someone you love hurting, in pain, and struggling.
Or how painful it is to want to get support with your partner and they are resistant to the process.
An important consideration to remember when thinking about your partner (and what they are going through) and the whole relationship dynamic.
Questions to ask yourself before starting the conversation with your partner.
Ways to get clear on the frame or intention of the conversation.
Eleven recommendations to consider as you navigate this vulnerable conversation.
Guidelines to help you stay focused on a productive conversation.
Tips around what to watch out for and common pitfalls.

MENTIONED:

ERP 181: HOW DO I KNOW WHEN MY RELATIONSHIP IS OVER? (Podcast)
ERP 036: HOW TO OFFER THE GIFT OF LISTENING (Podcast)
ERP 154: HOW TO GET RELATIONAL SUPPORT WHEN DEALING WITH ILLNESS & CHRONIC PAIN WITH DR. JACKIE BLACK (Podcast)
ERP 109: HOW BEING GENTLE WITH YOUR PARTNER CAN MAKE A BIG DIFFERENCE (Podcast)
Photo by Harli Marten on Unsplash (photo credit)

CONNECT WITH DR. JESSICA HIGGINS:

Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins Twitter: @DrJessHiggins Website: drjessicahiggins.com Email:jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

TRANSCRIPT: ERP 182: HOW TO ENCOURAGE YOUR PARTNER TO GO TO THERAPY [TRANSCRIPT]

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please reach out to me. Here is my contact information.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

I would really appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you!

If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

ERP 181: How Do I Know If My Relationship Is Over? Aug 29, 2019

SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO?

Unfortunately, there may come a point in relationship, where we are in enough distress, discontent and disconnect, that we question our relationship or marriage.

(Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories and examples.)

DISCUSSED IN THIS EPISODE:

Four relationship dealbreakers (in general) that extremely difficult to overcome.
Often, we need to say no to unhealthy patterns, to take a stand for health and connection.
When saying “no,” we are saying no to the behavior or dynamic, not our partner.
Life can feel complicated with various stressors (i.e., financial and career stress, parenting and family issues, health and mental health issues,, etc), and it can be difficult to have clarity on the root issues.
11 areas of relationship dysfunction to consider when evaluating the health of your relationship.
Ultimately, you have to make a decision. No one can tell you what is right. Do your best to get clear and aligned in your own body, heart, mind and gut.

MENTIONED:

ERP 165: HOW TO MANAGE SUBSTANCE ABUSE ISSUES AND RECOVERY IN RELATIONSHIP – DR. ROBERT NAVARRA (Podcast)
ERP 175: HOW TO HEAL FROM AN AFFAIR – AN INTERVIEW WITH SCOTT WOOLLEY (Podcast)
ERP 104: HOW CAN INFIDELITY MAKE YOUR RELATIONSHIP STRONGER?(Podcast)
ERP 149: 4 THINGS TO CONSIDER WHEN YOU ARE UNCERTAIN ABOUT A DECISION (Podcast)
ERP 125: HOW KINDNESS CAN STRENGTHEN YOUR LOVE (Podcast)
ERP 128: HOW KINDNESS CAN STRENGTHEN YOUR LOVE – PART TWO(Podcast)
ERP 129: HOW KINDNESS CAN STRENGTHEN YOUR LOVE – PART THREE(Podcast)
ERP 130: HOW KINDNESS CAN STRENGTHEN YOUR LOVE – PART FOUR(Podcast)
ERP 131: HOW KINDNESS CAN STRENGTHEN YOUR LOVE – PART FIVE(Podcast)
ERP 001: TURNING CONFUSION INTO CLARITY (WHEN YOU ARE FEELING STUCK IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP) (Podcast)
Photo by Megan Menegay on Unsplash (photo credit)

CONNECT WITH DR. JESSICA HIGGINS:

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please reach out to me. Here is my contact information.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

I would really appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you!

If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

ERP 180: What If I Think My Partner Has A Personality Disorder? An Interview With Gabrielle Usatynski Aug 17, 2019

GUEST GABRIELLE USATYNSKI:

Gabrielle Usatynski, MA, is a Licensed Professional Counselor at Power Couples Counseling in Boulder, CO. She has been in private practice since 2008 and specializes in couples therapy. She is trained in PACT (a Psychobiological Approach to Couples Therapy).

Gabrielle has been named 2018 and 2019 Best Marriage Counselor of Louisville by the Louisville Awards Program. She teaches a masterclass on personality disorders in couples therapy to other clinicians in the Boulder area.

(Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories and examples.)

IN THIS EPISODE, GABRIELLE USATYNSKY AND DR. JESSICA HIGGINS DISCUSS:

What it means for a person to have a personality disorder.
How a personality disorder develops.
The evolution of our understanding of personality disorders over time.
Mistakes we tend to make when trying to learn if our partner has a personality disorder.
What to keep in mind when looking for a good partner and what to focus on when developing a quality relationship.
How to have a good relationship with someone who has a personality disorder.

“We don’t do things differently with people who have personality disorders than we do with people who don’t. We’re still holding the same container for people to create relationships that are based on safety and security, that are based on distress relief, fostering each other’s wellbeing, boosting each other’s self-esteem – these types of principles that couples can subscribe to, because we know that’s what makes relationships work.” — Gabrielle Usatynsky

Change occurs … “when they choose to commit to something greater than themselves, and that is the relationship.” — Gabrielle Usatynsky

CONNECT WITH GABRIELLE USATYNSKI, MA:

Website: PowerCouplesCounseling.com

Book: How to Stop Stressful Fights with Your Partner

MENTIONED:

Wired for Love: How Understanding Your Partner’s Brain and Attachment Style Can Help You Defuse Conflict and Build a Secure Relationship, by Dr. Stan Tatkin

CONNECT WITH DR. JESSICA HIGGINS:

Book: 4 Essential Keys to Effective Communication in Love, Life, Work – Anywhere!

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email:jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please reach out to me. Here is my contact information.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

I would really appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you!

If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

ERP 179: 4 Keys to Effective Communication – An Interview with Bento Leal Aug 08, 2019

In this episode, Bento Leal and Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss:

How Bento got involved in the field of relationship skills.
Some of the biggest problems in interpersonal communication.
The 4 Keys to Effective Communication.
The number one skill for everyone.
It’s not just about receiving information, it’s about getting where the other person is coming from, especially on an emotional topic.
Listen all the way through, don’t get defense or take it as an attack to try and hurt you.
There are listening rules and speaking rules, which all start with an undercurrent of respect.
When kids can see their parents talk about things in a skillful way, they will feel safe and see that their parents are able to work things out.

"Nurture your relationship garden. Each relationship is its own garden.” — Bento Leal

(Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories and examples.)

About Bento Leal: Bento Leal is a Relationships Skills Trainer and Bestselling Author who has taught marriage and relationship skills classes and parenting skills classes to more than 2500 couples and singles at family resource centers, community organizations, churches, substance abuse recovery programs, county jails and federal prison. 

In 2017, he published his first book “4 Essential Keys to Effective Communication in Love, Life, Work—Anywhere!” It continues to be an Amazon Best Seller in several categories and has sold more than 40,000 copies.

Mentioned:

Website: BentoLeal.com

Email: Bento@BentoLeal.com

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins:

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you! 

If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

ERP 178: How to Offer Comfort to Your Significant Other - Part Two Jul 29, 2019

Last week’s episode (177), I discussed how difficult it can be when feeling distressed, threatened, and reactive to engage in comfort with a significant other.

As one of my clients puts so well “Why would I want comfort from you, when you are they one that is causing me pain!”

Many of us did not get the experience of having comfort when we were young. Thus, we developed ways to deal with it, but more importantly, we don’t have an internal system that we can trust to turn towards comfort and soothing in relationship.

In episode 177, I offered some of the research to help give some general guidance in how to offer comfort.

It is worth noting that there are typically some gender differences to consider, when offering comfort.

Here is an article that might be helpful when contemplating how to offer comfort to a man: How to Comfort a Man, Co-authored by Paul Chernyak, LPC

For women, I would point to the tips mentioned in episode 177:

Accept and listen to your partner.
Understand the hurt.
Be with the pain.
Offer reflection and validation.
Offer care and help.
Show remorse, if appropriate.

(Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories and examples.)

Today, we are going to explore how to offer comfort to your partner in ways that are specific and unique to them.

DISCUSSED IN THIS EPISODE (REFERENCING WIRED FOR LOVE, BY DR. STAN TATKIN):

The importance of learning what comfort feels like for your partner.
How to become an expert on your partner.
Learning ways to lift up, reassure, and comfort when your partner is feeling vulnerable.
Knowing your specific vulnerabilities.
Knowing your partner’s specific vulnerabilities.
Knowing the antidotes to your vulnerabilities
Knowing the antidotes to their vulnerabilities.

In successful relationships,“Both partners seem to have read and carefully studied the owner’s manual for their relationship and for each other.” by Dr. Stan Tatkin

MENTIONED:

ERP 177: How to offer Comfort to Your Significant Other (podcast)
Wired for Love: How Understanding Your Partner’s Brain and Attachment Style Can Help You Defuse Conflict and Build a Secure Relationship, by Dr. Stan Tatkin
How to Comfort a Man, Co-authored by Paul Chernyak, LPC
ERP 068: What Women Really Want…Really! With Dr. Kathryn Foster (podcast)
Relationship Map (opt-in download)
Dr. Susan Johnson (website)
Dr. John Gottman (website)
Photo by Yuri Levin on Unsplash

CONNECT WITH DR. JESSICA HIGGINS:

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please reach out to me. Here is my contact information.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

I would really appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you!

If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

ERP 177: How to Offer Comfort to Your Significant Other. Jul 18, 2019

Discussed In This Episode:

During stress, ways we get it wrong when we try to comfort our partner.
How offering physical and emotional closeness is one of the most powerful ways to offer comfort.
Ways to provide physical closeness (i.e. hugging, holding, sitting close).
General ways to offer emotional closeness:
1. Accept and listen to your partner.
2. Understand the hurt.
3. Be with the pain.
4. Offer reflection and validation.
5. Offer care and help.
6. Show remorse, if appropriate.

(Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories and examples.) Mentioned:

ERP 176: How to Give and Receive Influence – an Interview with Dr. Keith Witt (podcast)
Relationship Map (opt-in download)
Dr. Susan Johnson (website)
Dr. John Gottman (website)
Photo by Gus Moretta on Unsplash

Connect With Dr. Jessica Higgins:

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

Transcript:

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please reach out to me. Here is my contact information.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

I would really appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you!

If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

ERP 176: How to Give and Receive Influence - an Interview with Dr. Keith Witt Jul 01, 2019

In This Episode, Dr. Keith Witt And Dr. Jessica Higgins Discuss:

Understanding intersubjectivity – the unique space that exists between two people.
Recognizing the powerful impact and influence of our emotional states on each other in relationship.
Learning how to manage and shift out of reactive, defensive, and negative states and how to amplify positive states.
Attending to the three foundations of a relationship; tending to your friendship, love affair, and capacity to heal injuries.
Love can work between almost any human being if they’re willing to learn how to cultivate positive, effective states with each other and regulate the negative states.

“In general, what characterizes a happy couple is that mostly they have positive states towards each other; they’re mostly influencing each other with positive emotions.” – Keith Witt

Mentioned:

ERP 093: HOW THE “SHADOW” INFLUENCES OUR GROWTH IN LIFE AND IN RELATIONSHIP WITH DR. KEITH WITT (podcast)
ERP 050: EXPLORING LOVE & CONSCIOUS EVOLUTION WITH DR. KEITH WITT (podcast)
Shadow Light: Illuminations at the Edge of Darkness (book)
Integral Mindfulness: From Clueless to dialed In (book)
The Attuned Family: How To Be a Great Parent To Your Kids and a Great Lover To Your Spouse (book)
Sessions:: All Therapy Supports Relationships Integrating Towards Unity (book)
The Gift of Shame: Why We Need Shame and How To Use it To Love and Grow (book)
Waking Up: Psychotherapy as Art, Spirituality, And Science(book)
Loving Completely: A Five Star Practice for Creating Great Relationships (book)
Dr. Keith Witt – A Five Star Practice for Creating Beautiful Relationships (TEDxAmericanRiviera)
Two rules for guys: Dr. Keith Witt (TEDxAmericanRiviera)
100 reasons not to have the secret affair: Keith Witt(TEDxAmericanRiviera)

Connect With Dr. Keith Witt:

Website: www.drkeithwitt.com

Books: amazon.com/Keith-Witt

Connect With Dr. Jessica Higgins:

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

Transcript:

Click on this link to access the transcript for this episode: ERP 176: How to Give and Receive Influence – an Interview with Dr. Keith Witt

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please reach out to me. Here is my contact information.

Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.

I would really appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.

Thank you!

If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

ERP 175: How to heal from an affair with Scott Woolley Jun 27, 2019

In this episode, Dr. Jessica Higgins and Dr. Scott Woolley discuss:

Understanding the motivating factors of an affair and trusting it won’t happen again.
The internal working models of attachment about who we are, who other people are, and how we relate to them.
The destructive impacts of taking revenge, public shaming, and waiting to make significant decisions.

Key Takeaways:

The three motivating factors for affairs are a reaction to what’s going on or an attempt to change the relationship; protest or revenge; and relationship burnout.
When talking to your partner about their pain and you are expressing genuine remorse over the suffering they are experiencing, you are with them at a fundamental level, and that starts the healing process.
If people want to go through the process to save their relationship, it’s possible, but it will take a lot of dedicated time and work for both partners, but it can be accomplished.

"Don’t give up on healing your relationship; it’s possible that your relationship can be better than it has ever been." - Scott Woolley

If you have a topic you would like me to discuss; please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here. Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship. Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here. Thank you! 

If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

Connect with Dr. Scott Woolley:

Website: www.drscottwoolley.com

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins:

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

Audio production by Turnkey Podcast Productions. You're the expert. Your podcast will prove it.

ERP 174: How to Experience More Love in Your Relationship with Byron Katie Jun 20, 2019

Guest Byron Katie:

In 1986, at the bottom of a ten-year spiral into depression, rage, and self-loathing, Byron Katie woke up one morning to a state of constant joy that has never left her. She realized that when she believed her stressful thoughts, she suffered, but that when she questioned them, she didn’t suffer, and that this is true for every human being. Her simple yet powerful process of inquiry is called The Work.

The Work consists of four questions and the turnarounds, which are a way of experiencing the opposite of what you believe. When you question a thought, you see around it to the choices beyond suffering.

Katie has been bringing The Work to millions of people for more than thirty years. Her public events, weekend workshops, five-day intensives, nine-day School for The Work, and 28-day residential Turnaround House have brought freedom to people all over the world.

Byron Katie’s books include the bestselling Loving What Is, I Need Your Love—Is That True?, A Thousand Names for Joy, and A Mind at Home with Itself. For more information, visit thework.com.

In this episode, Bryon Katie and Dr. Jessica Higgins discuss:

The source of suffering is often what you are thinking and believing in any situation.
Our judgments come between connection.
The Work is a self-inquiry process to identify your thoughts, thinking, and believing; and then to question them through the Four Questions and Turnarounds.
Our ego takes over our lives when are being our thoughts and thinking without self-inquiry.
The Work is a meditative process, which includes getting still and getting in touch with your fullter experience.
It takes courage to question our thinking, thoughts, and believing, to see our part, and look at ourselves from a different perspective.
We are more powerful that what we are thinking or believing.
The Work calls on us to take responsibility for our actions, thinking and life.
The Work allows us to wake up to our true reality of our nature.

Takeaways:

With The Work, we can heal ourselves, and when we meet the next human being, we are more aware and enlightened to ourselves.
There may only be six questions on the worksheet. However, it may take a week, or it might take two weeks, but go deeply.
The Work is an inquiry; it’s a way to identify the thought that you’re thinking and believing in an actual situation in the past or situations that you imagine will happen in the future. The situations that you may fear or dread.

"If I can get free, then anyone can get free, it’s a process. We either believe our thoughts, or we question them, there is no other choice." — Byron Katie

Mentioned:

Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheet (Byron Katie’s website) Scroll down to the bottom or the page. You can also find the “One-Belief-at-a-Time Worksheet” as well.
Byron Katie’s story (website - about page)
The Work (website)
Byron Katie’s events (website)
Loving What Is (book) (please use this hyperlink)
I Need Your Love—Is That True? (book) (please use this hyperlink)

A Thousand Names for Joy (book) (please use this hyperlink)

A Mind at Home with Itself (book) (please use this hyperlink)

If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

Referenced Documents:

The Work Worksheet

Connect with Byron Katie:

Twitter: @ByronKatie

Facebook: facebook.com/theworkofbyronkatie

Website: thework.com

Book: thework.com/books

YouTube: youtube.com/Thework

Instagram: instagram.com/byron.katie

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins:

156 What Happens When You Feel Like A Victim In Relationship

Twitter: @DrJessHiggins

Website: drjessicahiggins.com

Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com

ERP 173: How to Transform Drama in Your Relationship with David Emerald Jun 13, 2019

Guest David Emerald :

David Emerald Womeldorff is the Creator-in-Chief of the 3 Vital Questions® leadership frameworks proven to powerfully boost teamwork and productivity. Thousands of people and organizations have achieved breakthroughs by applying his self-leadership techniques and attending his seminars worldwide. David and his wife and business partner Donna Zajonc (sajon) MCC have developed the frameworks that form the basis of the engaging workplace fable, 3 Vital Questions:Transforming Workplace Drama.

(Please listen to the podcast episode or read the transcript to hear explanations, stories and examples.)

In this episode, Dr. Jessica Higgins and David Emerald discuss:

Understanding the Drama Triangle and the three roles involved.
The distinction between victimization and victimhood.
Learning the Empowerment Dynamic and the three roles.
The opposite of a victim position is a creator position.
How telling a person that they are acting as a victim will trigger reactivity.
Within the Drama Triangle, we focus on the problem. Within the Empowerment Dynamic, the focus is on the desired outcome.

Key Takeaways:

The three roles in the Drama Triangle are victim, challenger, and rescuer.
The antidote to the Drama Triangle roles is the Empowerment Dynamic roles, creator, persecutor, and helper.
It’s natural to look at a problem and try to solve the problem. When the intention and the focus on the issue, it can spin us into this very hopeless, not empowered, lack of control place.
The way we can escape the drama triangle is by shifting our focus to what we want to experience. For example,“What is it that we really want?”

"A problem is rarely ever solved from within the victim orientation." — David Emerald

If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.

Referenced Episodes:

157 How to Shift Out of The Victim Position

Links Mentioned:

Power of TED* (*The Empowerment Dynamic): 10th Anniversary Edition (book)
3 Vital Questions (website)
Power of Ted (website)
Power of Ted Workshop

Connect with David Emerald:

Twitter: @powerofted

Facebook: David Emerald The Power of TED

Website: powerofted.com & 3vitalquestions.com

Pinterest: pinterest.com/powerofted

YouTube: The Power of TED

LinkedIn: linkedin.com/company

Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins: