Derek Sivers podcast

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Daydreaming the downside, for once Oct 02, 2019

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A few years ago, I thought it would be fun to get into camping.

I live in New Zealand! How can I not? I daydreamed about it, picturing how much fun it could be. I read a book about it.

I carefully picked out then bought some highly-recommended gear: a tent, two sleeping bags, two air mattresses, and a light backpack.

We used it once. It’s still in my garage.

…

Last year, I thought it would be fun to get a Maschine.

A new way of making music! I daydreamed about it, picturing how much fun it could be. I read about it and watched videos about it.

After a few weeks of this, I felt the time was right. I bought one. I played with it a while for the first day, then got back to my normal life, intending to spend more time with it. But I never did.

Every day I would look at it, thinking I should use it. After half a year, I gave up, and gave it to a friend.

…

Last week, I thought it would be fun to get a new bicycle.

I’ve never tried a carbon frame, modern gearing, or any of the cool new developments in bicycle tech. I live in Oxford, a cycling city! How can I not?

I’ve been daydreaming about it, picturing how much fun it could be.

Wait! Hold on. Have I learned nothing?

So I tried picturing the downside, instead.

I pictured myself not using it, like the camping gear, Maschine, and other things I didn’t mention here. I remembered the pain of guilt, regret, and waste. The conflicted feelings of wanting this thing, but not quite enough.

And I decided against it.

…

That said, I’m not sure what to conclude.

The only mistake was buying instead of renting?
Give up on trying new things, and just amplify my current focus?
Daydream and learn all about new things, but stop thinking I need to own them? (Awareness is enough for me?)
Or maybe the mistake was giving up? Building new habits takes time and effort. After that initial challenge, my life could be richer by the expanded activities in my repertoire.
Something else?

Where to find the hours to make it happen Oct 01, 2019

Show notes

When you experience someone else’s genius work, a little part of you feels, “That’s what I could have, would have, and should have done!”

Someone else did it. You didn’t.

They fought the resistance. You gave in to distractions.

They made it top priority. You said you’d get to it some day.

They took the time. You meant to.

When this happens, you can take it two ways:

You could let that part of you give up. “Oh well. Now I don’t need to make that anymore.”

Or you could do something about that jealous pain. Shut off your phone, kill the distractions, make it top priority, and spend the time.

It takes many hours to make what you want to make. The hours don’t suddenly appear. You have to steal them from comfort. Whatever you were doing before was comfortable. This is not. This will be really uncomfortable.

The few times in my life I’ve made a real change like this, it felt awful on the surface. I wasn’t shallow-happy about it. I wasn’t smiling. I was annoyed and fighting it inside, but on the outside I did the work. And in the end, got the deeper satisfaction of finishing.

Your heroes show which way you’re facing Sep 30, 2019

Show notes

People with many interests often ask my advice on which industry or career path they should follow.

Years ago, I felt I was just a programmer and entrepreneur. Yes sometimes I write a tiny blog post sharing what I’ve learned, but that’s just something on the side.

But something never felt quite right about this. I spend most of my time writing, very little time programming, and hadn’t started a business in years. Still, I kept saying I was a programmer and entrepreneur, and felt I should really spend more time doing it.

But everything changed when I asked myself a question:

“Who are my heroes?”

I thought, wrote them down, then realized they were all authors! Basically, look at my list of favorite books, and there are my heroes.

The people I look up to the most… The people I’d most like to meet… The people I’d most like to emulate are not entrepreneurs, and not programmers — just writers.

So, that day, I realized I actually want to be a writer.

I re-arranged my hierarchy of interests. Yes I enjoy programming, and yes I’ll probably start another business. But really my main love and top priority is writing.

How about you? Who are your heroes? Does that help you see which way you’re actually facing?

Don’t quote. Make it yours and say it yourself. Sep 29, 2019

Show notes

Which sounds better to you?

“In his best-selling book on behavioral science, Thinking, Fast and Slow, Nobel-prize winning psychologist Daniel Kahneman said, ‘Nothing in life is as important as you think it is when you are thinking about it.’.”

… or just saying it:

“Whatever’s on your mind is not as important as it seems.”

When I first started reading a lot of books, I started quoting them a lot. When bringing up an idea in conversation, first I would mention its source — the book, the title, the author, and the subject of the book — before finally saying the idea.

After far too many times hearing myself referencing this book and that book, always naming titles and authors, I realized it was a lot of unnecessary clutter. I could see my listeners waiting for me to get to the point. It was inconsiderate.

Then I started noticing how annoying it was to read books that do the same thing. It’s really common in these pop non-fiction books I like: “This person said this thing. That person said that thing.”

It got me wondering: Why don’t we just say the idea, instead of referencing and quoting it?

I think there are a few reasons:

It feels like stealing. It’s their idea, not mine. But all ideas come from somewhere. Maybe they were paraphrasing it from someone else.
School teaches us to reference. But we’re not trying to impress a teacher anymore. And every unnecessary fact dilutes our point.
By quoting someone else, we can easily disavow the idea if attacked. If someone says it’s wrong, we can avoid responsibility and say, “Don’t look at me! It’s his idea, not mine!”

So instead, I go the other way now.

If I hear an idea, have considered it, and integrated it into my beliefs, it’s mine. I’ll say it succinctly in my own words, and stand behind it. Like adopting a child, I will take care of this idea and raise it as my own. If anyone wants to know the source, I’ll be happy to tell them.

I highly recommend this. Stop referencing. Stop quoting. Paraphrase. Internalize it. Make it yours. Tell me what you think, not what someone else thinks.

Have a private email account Sep 28, 2019

Show notes

I used to like the internet. I thought it was cool, creative, wild, untamed, expressive, decentralized, and educational. I guess it was, back then, but now? I kinda hate most of what’s out there.

I don’t like social media, either. Staged photos, and people trying to get a reaction. Noise, hype, and drama. It makes me want to avoid the internet completely.

Then I thought about what I do like.

My email inbox is really nice. It’s only people I like, who are emailing me personally. No lists.

I highly recommend setting up a private email address.

Use Fastmail, Posteo, Mailbox, or any similar service where you actually pay $1-$3 per month and in return get a completely ad-free spam-free wonderful email experience.

Then never give this new private email to anyone except dear friends and family.

Let your old Gmail collect the junk. The people you really care about will use the new one, so you won’t need to check the old one much anymore.

It feels nice to have a notification mean something again — to only get one or two emails a day, and know that they are really for you. Or, if you don’t get any notifications, then nothing you really care about has arrived — so no need to check.

Most days I don’t look at the web or any apps. I just write, text friends, call friends, and check email. That’s enough.

sprout — **Cross the world four times** Sep 27, 2019
Show notes

Cross the world four times.
First, in your teens or 20s, to take it all in. See it all, do it all, and learn. Get involved. Stay up all night talking with strangers, everywhere. Kiss and fall and promise to them all. Make lots of mistakes.
Cross the world the first time to fall in love.
The second time, in your 30s, to tell everyone what you’ve learned. You’re full of answers, since you’ve done so much. You know how things should be, since you’ve made all your mistakes. You can see the path clearly, and it’s your turn to lead.
Cross the world the second time to make change.
The third time, in your 50s, to compensate. You realize what a blow-hard you were in your 30s, and how little you actually know. You’ve been humbled. It’s time to make up for years of thinking others were wrong. Pay close attention and listen without judgement for once. Have no answers — only good questions and good ears.
Cross the world the third time to unlearn.
The fourth time, late in life, to witness. To find old friends, and find that they’re gone. To see what’s changed, and what’s stayed the same. To appreciate the young. The world is theirs, not yours. Now you know what happens when you die: everything! Evolution. Revolutions. Inventions. Disasters. So much love, and so many lives. You just won’t be part of it anymore.
Cross the world the last time to say goodbye.

Future posthumous autobiography Sep 27, 2019

Show notes

I’ve started writing my autobiography. I’ll keep writing it for the rest of my life. It’s private now, but will be released the week I die.

I’ve written the last chapter, which is more of an afterword. (“Now I’m dead.”) So now I will just keep writing the middle chapters.

My assistants, family, and friends will have instructions on how to publish it as soon as I die. A few clicks and commands and it’s published in all formats, print-on-demand, and ready to go the same day.

So by the time you hear the news that I’ve died, the full story — the book of my life — will be ready to read. I think that would be a good goodbye.

Don’t worry : I don’t plan on dying for a long time. My health is great and all is well. This is just my version of the old advice to “write your own epitaph”. I realized I can do better than that.

And I wish the people I care about would do the same.

What I did belies why Sep 26, 2019

Show notes

Imagine you host a dinner party with two doctors and two accountants. You introduce the doctors to each other and the accountants to each other, assuming they’d have the most in common.

But actually one doctor got into it because her mother died unnecessarily of medical neglect, and she’s on a mission to make sure that never happens again. The other doctor is in it for the money.

And actually one accountant got into it because her dad’s family business was the victim of embezzling, and she’s on a mission to make sure that never happens again. The other accountant is in it for the money.

You can’t assume the reasons why people are doing what they do.

I learned this slowly and uncomfortably after I sold my music distribution company. Knowing I had a successful exit, people assumed I was an entrepreneur, and wanted me to tell them how to be a better entrepreneur. They asked me to mentor at business schools, where people would bring in PowerPoint presentations showing their financial projections, and talk about raising rounds of financing, and all this stuff I had never dealt with and knew nothing about.

It took me a long time to realize that, like the doctor and accountant story, I must have looked like an entrepreneur from the outside. Yes I founded, grew, and sold a company. But really all I wanted to do was to help musicians. I could have done it by promoting concerts, or being a record producer, or donating to a musicians’ charity — but in my case I built a distribution system for those who had no other distribution. So technically yes, I was an entrepreneur, but it seems I didn’t have much in common with all these entrepreneurs I was meeting. (When I met musicians, it was always such a welcome relief!)

I still think of everything I do as art, not business. It’s personal expression, creative exploration, testing out ideas just to see what happens.

Writing a song isn’t that different from writing computer code. It’s all just having a little vision or spark of an idea, then seeing how you can make it happen — for its own sake.

Starting a band isn’t that different from starting a company. It’s something you do when you’re unable to make your creative vision happen by yourself.

I’ve never done anything just for the money. It’s always been secondary, and always just happened as a side-effect of following my interests. So I don’t have any advice for people who are trying to make money. I don’t know what that’s like.

This is the main reason I stopped doing interviews four years ago. Most interviewers just seemed to want to ask my business advice. I’m feeling ready to do interviews again, as long as we can talk about creativity, identity, exploration, learning, unlearning, communication, cycling, culture, psychology, and all kinds of other things. But I’m not up for talking about business.

Don’t confuse the medium with the message.
Don’t confuse the tool with the goal.
Don’t confuse the vehicle with the path.

Would you make your art if you were the last person on earth? Sep 25, 2019

Show notes

Musicians, photographers, writers, and artists of all sorts:

Would you make your art if you were the last person on earth?

For me, it’s an immediate YES — of course! In fact, it might make the experience even better.

A musician friend asked me this question, and was freaked out by my answer. She said she can’t even imagine a world-view like mine. How could I possibly want to make music if there was no one to hear it?

She said, “Ultimately, everything I do is for other people.”

I said, “Ultimately, everything I do is for myself.”

When I’m creating anything, I do it mostly for my own curiosity — to see how I can develop this fun idea in my head. Even when I’m providing a service that seems generous, I’m really doing it because it seemed like a fun system to build. If people like what I’ve made, that’s just a bonus.

This is related to yesterday’s post, “Travel without social praise”. Even despite what I’ve said here, I still have to ask myself if I’m doing something just for the praise.

Is this something I really want to do, or do I just like the image it represents?

If it feels like I’m doing it for the image, is that for my self-identity — how I see myself — the person I’d like to be for my own sake — or is it just being done for others?

One way I try to solve that question is by asking myself if I would do this thing if I was the last person on earth — or at very least, if I never told anyone about it.

Travel without social praise Sep 24, 2019

Show notes

I met a couple who were thinking of quitting their jobs and travelling the world for a year. They asked my thoughts.

I suggested they should only do it if they don’t bring a camera, and don’t tell anyone but their family and few dear friends. No sharing on social media.

Why? Because we often live for others, without even realizing it. We are trying to impress an invisible crowd. We like the social reward of saying, “We’re travelling the world!” We imagine how friends and strangers would react to this big news.

We go places we think would be impressive to other people. We take photos that will make our life look wonderful when we share them. We want that praise — that social reward.

Do we really want to do this thing, for its own sake? Or do we just want the praise?

One way to find out is to see how appealing it would be to do it with no photos, and no sharing. Like the first person to run a marathon without talking about it.

If doing something makes us that kind of person, is it still true if we don’t announce it?

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