Dear Son,

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The Curse of Comfort | The Dear Son, Show | Ep 69 #fatherhood #uncomfortable #hardwork #lazy Jun 09, 2023

Show notes

I’m willing to pay for convenience, and I’m not ashamed of that. When it’s time to travel, upgrade me please and thank you. If I’m driving to an event, front row park me for a fee. If I’m bored on the plane, take my money, and give me internet. I, like many, want what I want when I want it.

Unfortunately, that convenience-craving character doesn’t easily detach from my roles as father and husband. Through repetition, it became a way of life and has robbed my family of meaningful opportunities to grow. For instance, I grew up cutting the grass at least weekly, that was my chore. I hated it and couldn’t wait until I was able to make somebody else do it. Instead of teaching my sons how to do it, I just paid someone. Once I realized how my obsession with convenience was impacting how they understand hard work, I adjusted. It’s still a frustrating uphill battle today.

For me, providing a comfortable lifestyle for my family was a status symbol. However, I was also frustrated when I didn’t see my children’s’ work ethic showing up in certain areas. That frustration was compounded when I realized that it was my fault. This dichotomy governed my life for several years.

In this episode we provide our perspectives on the importance of identifying areas of comfort that are stifling growth, and provide some real-time conclusions that will spark conversations in your mind and home. Our experiences are different, so our recommendations differ, but they align, nonetheless. Our conversations are unapologetically conducted through the lens of fatherhood because that’s the only experience we’ve had. We welcome the enhancing perspectives of all.

#daddyissues #parentingadvice #blackfathers #fatherandson #parentingtips #betterparents #vulnerable

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She Can’t Be What She’s Never Seen | The Dear Son, Show | Ep 68 #fatherhood #marriage #meettheparents #familybusiness Jun 02, 2023

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Dear Son, choose your wife carefully! Choosing a spouse is one of the most important decisions anyone can make in life. It’s a very intentional process, or at least it should be. The process is longer for some than it is for others, but there isn’t a process that guarantees favorable results after “I do.” Many feel like marriage isn’t worth it. I believe a healthy marriage is.

People change, that’s just a constant in life. These changes differ by the individual and occur at different phases of life. This can take a toll on any relationship and requires a measure of patience and commitment to grow through it. Marriage is a future bet. Essentially, two people are in love with each other based on where they are individually and what they know about each other up to that point. If both people are going to change, that’s a huge risk to take.

In this episode we provide our perspectives on the importance of the selection process, as well as the specific things that we want our sons (children) to focus on. Our experiences are different, so our recommendations differ, but they align, nonetheless. Our conversations are unapologetically conducted through the lens of fatherhood because that’s the only experience we’ve had. We welcome the enhancing perspectives of all.

#daddyissues #letsgetmarried #blackfathers #fatherandson #parentingtips #betterparents #vulnerable #vows

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A Summer of Correction | Ready vs Prepared | Ep 67 #fatherhood #legacy #parenting #familybusiness May 25, 2023

Show notes

Enjoy the visual experience here: https://youtu.be/n0CImUxDp4s

Dear Son, are you ready or are you prepared? Those are not interchangeable terms, as some may assume. Let's take an honest look back at various decision points throughout our lives for context. A teenager that doesn't care for his parents' rules, may believe (with full conviction) that he is ready to move out. Emotionally, that may be true, but is he really prepared to handle life independently? Maybe a young woman is so ready to be married that she accepts the first proposal that right, only to learn that she wasn't prepared to be a wife (this happens with men too).

There are also scenarios where an individual may have all of the knowledge, skills, and abilities to 'do a thing', but isn't mentally ready to deploy them. Sometimes they need external encouragement to help them realize that they are indeed ready. This isn't necessarily something that one automatically outgrows with age. Consider some of your decisions as a parent, employee, entrepreneur, or business owner that didn't yield the desired results? Were you emotionally ready, but not exactly prepared? I'm guilty of that for certain.

In this episode we discussed the importance of objectivity in decision-making. Emotions drive more actions than preparation (in my opinion). Further, we explored what our responsibilities are as parents to first demonstrate, but also guide our children through the stages of preparation and readiness.

We learned quite about ourselves during this dialogue, and that’s typical. Hopefully, a point or two will prompt you to evaluate readiness and preparedness you in your home. We highly recommend that you consume the entire episode for the best results. Also, meet us in the comments or tag us with your opinion on social media via the links below. As always, we welcome your perspective. It takes a village.

#daddyissues #accountable #blackfathers #fatherandson #parentingtips #betterparents #vulnerable

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The Three Foundational Pillars of the DSP Community

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Dear Son, It's Bigger Than You | Ep 66 #fatherhood #legacy #parenting #familybusiness May 18, 2023

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Dear Son, It's bigger than you! Life is a series of choices. Some choices you make, and others are made for you. All of it is connected though, especially within a household. Every member of the family has a unique value to offer that dictates its legacy.

Have you ever been curious about how successful families become household names? Johnson & Johnson, the Ford family and many others have created business empires that have survived and thrived for several generations. Do you think there was at least one generation that wanted to do something different? Perhaps, yes...perhaps, no. One train of thought suggests that the family business is mandatory, and everybody must work in it (for some period of time) without compromise. That sounds extreme. Maybe the ideas and principles of the family business were effectively woven into the family rhythm so seamlessly that each generation genuinely wanted to be part of the business when they became of age. To some, that may sound extreme as well.

In this episode we discussed how communication, selflessness, and value are the critical pillars of a family's legacy. Further, we explored where the line between directing our children and guiding our children is drawn. Sometimes we do know better as parents. Other times we don't know enough, and our ceiling becomes theirs. Tread lightly.

We learned quite about ourselves during this dialogue, and that’s typical. Hopefully, a point or two will prompt you to evaluate what's bigger than you in your home. We highly recommend that you consume the entire episode for the best results. Also, meet us in the comments or tag us with your opinion on social media via the links below. As always, we welcome your perspective. It takes a village.

#daddyissues #accountable #blackfathers #fatherandson #parentingtips #betterparents #vulnerable

Three takeaways from this discussion:

1. Have open conversations with your children about the family's business (or finances, budget, etc.)

2. Teach your children the importance of being selfless and how their actions (or inactions) contribute to the family's success.

3. Define what the family views as valuable and evaluate each member's role in creating value for the family.

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You’ll Be Better Because of Me, Not In Spite Of | Ep 65 #fatherhood #legacy #parenting May 11, 2023

Show notes

Enjoy the visual experience here: https://youtu.be/HqASbXeg_lI

Dear Son, you will be better because of me, not in spite of me. A common sentiment amongst parents is the desire to provide a better experience to their children than what they had as a child. Every generation should be greater than the previous one, I agree. Sometimes we need to assess the source of our motivation to do or be better in life. In my opinion, anytime success is rooted in resentment, that’s a dangerous place to operate. Revenge parenting goes both ways.

As a child I vowed to do many things very differently when I became a parent, and I had (have) great parents. The challenge is that I didn’t understand the full context of what they were going through as parents to appreciate the life that I was afforded. When I became a parent, I did indeed do things differently. The error in that approach is that I didn’t necessarily consider whether the approach was best for my children. In essence, the spite that I carried from my childhood gripes influenced my parenting approach. I can only imagine how parents that were abused or mistreated as children develop an obsession with being a great parent just to show their parents that they became great humans, despite their childhood experience.

Erring on the side of caution feels like the right thing to do. I’m not arguing that. However, we must be mindful of what our children need to thrive in life instead of making them lead characters in our stage play of Revenge Parenting. Give this some intentional thought; it’s a precaution, not an attack.

We learned quite about ourselves during this dialogue, and that’s typical. Hopefully, a point or two will prompt you to evaluate the revenge parenting tendencies displayed in your home. We highly recommend that you consume the entire episode for the best results. Also, meet us in the comments or tag us with your opinion on social media via the links below. As always, we welcome your perspective. It takes a village.

#daddyissues #accountable #blackfathers #fatherandson #parentingtips #betterparents #vulnerable

Four takeaways from this discussion:

1. Discuss your struggles with your children, even the ones you believe they didn’t see. Be sure to convey how you overcame them or how you’re working through them.

2. Reinforce the importance of communication and be the example of how to do it effectively.

3. Ask your children if they see you improving as a parent (and as a person).

4. Ask your children if they understand and feel prepared to carry on the family legacy.

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The Three Foundational Pillars of the DSP Community

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A MAN'S IDENTITY | A DSN SERIES | PT 3 OF 4 #manhood #vulnerability #purpose May 10, 2023

Show notes

Enjoy the visual experience here: https://youtu.be/k7wBOEBToH0

The journey of manhood is nuanced. We are often called to be everything to everyone at the expense of knowing our purpose and identity. Some would argue that those concepts are interchangeable, and yes, they are similar; however, they are not the same.

In this series launch, we assembled 16 panelists, men from varying walks of life, to discuss what some might consider a very simply defined word, identity. We learned very quickly that while everyone understood the assignment, there wasn't necessarily one correct answer. Nerves aside, every panelist provided context with transparency to push the conversation forward. Each panelist (and event participant) left in a better condition than when they arrived.

This conversation focused on who God is to the panelists and how their relationships with Him impact their identities. Their experiences are distinctly different, yet they all found themselves in submission to His will through extreme adversities (an incarcerated father, the near loss of a child at the hands of violence, significant loss of professional prominence, and hitting rock bottom). As Reggie George mentioned, "adversity introduces a man to himself." In kind, the Dear Son, Network presents these stories to you.

We ate, we drank, and we celebrated each other. It was (and still is) powerful. I sincerely pray that this series is a blessing to you and your circle. Let it be a life prompt that facilitates necessary conversations with those you love. Be sure to engage in the comments section As always, I welcome your feedback and perspective. It takes a village.

Salute to Love's Luxe Event Styling and Della's Lunchbox for upgrading the environment. The space was styled beautifully, and the food was top tier. (links below).

https://instagram.com/loves_luxe

#fatherhood #healingjourney #accountable #blackfathers #fatherandson #blackexcellence #affirmation #confirmation #identity

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Good Job, Son | Bonus Ep Audio Exclusive #fatherhood #vulnerableparenting #abetterway #parenting May 07, 2023

Show notes

Sometimes we just need to acknowledge when our children a great job and shut up. Seriously, too often praise is delivered with a slight sprinkle of shade. Need example? “Hey son, you did a great job cutting the grass, but next time do it like this.” If this sounds familiar, congratulations on admitting it. I hear that’s the first step to most recovery processes. There’s a time and place for constructive criticism. The frequency of communicating it is as important as the delivery method.

We had a candid conversation about where we’ve struggled with affirming our children without attaching criticism. One commonality was that our childhood experiences heavily influence how we parent today: both positively and negatively. Talking through it helped us acknowledge some areas for improvement, which happens during most episodes.

Take note of what resonates with you as you listen and keep them readily accessible in the days and weeks to come. Hopefully, you’ll find yourself adjusting in real-time as we adjust our actions as well. We highly recommend that you consume the entire episode for the best results. Also, meet us in the comments or tag us with your opinion on social media via the links below. As always, we welcome your perspective. It takes a village.

#daddyissues #accountable #blackfathers #fatherandson #positiveimages #leadbyexample #parentingadvice

Four takeaways from this episode:

1. Check your demeanor and parenting posture to ensure you’re approachable

2. Congratulate your children without reservation

3. Be mindful of how your childhood experiences influence your parenting style (positive and negative).

4. Be careful of how much you pressure your children to mature. Don’t expect them to be adults before their time.

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The Three Foundational Pillars of the DSP Community

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Are You a Bridge or a Wall? | How to Parent | Ep 64 #fatherhood #mistakes #parenting May 04, 2023

Show notes

Enjoy the visual experience here: https://youtu.be/GfeXJSGkSGY

Are you a bridge or a wall? Without context, one may seem more positive than the other. Consider what the bridge connects and what the wall protects. I’ll wait. Either can facilitate or stifle successful relationships with your children. Did your answer change?

Ideally, parents always have their children’s best interest in mind, and would NEVER do, say, or block anything that would harm their future. I wish life really was that simple. The real-life version of parenting often looks different. Malice aside, some of our best efforts don’t yield the most positive results. For instance, the child may be interested in pursuing a career in artificial intelligence development, but the parent may not see the value in (or future) it simply because they don’t understand AI. Instead, they push the child to enroll in trade school, which is an honorable pursuit, but what does that matter if the child isn’t passionate about any traditional trade?

The prior example may not resonate with you, but I’m pretty sure there’s another scenario to which you can apply the principal sentiment. We learned quite about ourselves during this dialogue, and that’s typical. Hopefully, a point or two will prompt you to evaluate the bridge and wall tendencies displayed in your home. We highly recommend that you consume the entire episode for the best results. Also, meet us in the comments or tag us with your opinion on social media via the links below. As always, we welcome your perspective. It takes a village.

#daddyissues #accountable #blackfathers #fatherandson #bridge #wall #parentingtips

5 Takeaways from this discussion:

1. Walls can protect and hinder family relationships. Neither is inherently negative, but the misapplication can yield negative results.

2. Bridges should connect one location (or phase) to another. It is important that the bridge operates in both directions in case the traveler needs to return home.

3. Be careful not to burn bridges that others are building simply because you don’t understand their purpose.

4. Not all walls are physical. Be mindful of those internal walls that have become a permanent way of life for you.

5. If someone else is better qualified (and trustworthy) to help your child build a bridge, let them.

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The Three Foundational Pillars of the DSP Community

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Discipline For Correction Not Control | Revenge Parenting | Ep 63 #fatherhood #mistakes #parenting Apr 27, 2023

Show notes

Enjoy the visual experience here: https://youtu.be/M2T0HlyJE9A

Discipline is a critical component of success. It's the principle that keeps you pushing forward when life seems to be working against you. As a parent, there's another side to the coin...how you discipline your children. Some of us discipline for correction, and others, for control.

Discipline can be administered in many forms. We won't all agree on what's acceptable in every home, but I challenge this audience to reach a consensus on what is an acceptable motive for the discipline. For some, discipline is a reflex directly connected to their childhood experience. If that discipline was physical, then they may be prone to physically discipline their children.

What is the end goal? This is the element often overlooked. Discipline should be tied to a cause and yield a positive outcome. That doesn't mean that it won't be painful for the child, but it should never be abusive in any form. Neither of us provided perspective atop of a high horse, and we had some revelations along the way. We highly recommend that you consume the entire episode for the best results. Also, meet us in the comments or tag us with your opinion on social media via the links below. As always, we welcome your perspective. It takes a village.

#daddyissues #accountable #blackfathers #fatherandson #discipline #control #consequences

5 Points to Consider When Disciplining Your Child:

1. Resentment from your past shouldn’t fuel your parenting style.

2. It’s not your turn to be the punisher. That’s not the opportunity.

3. Correction should be rooted in love

4. Control breeds resentment and rebellion.

5. If punishing your child excites you, get the help you need.

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