Dear Men: How to Rock Sex, Dating, and Relationships With Women

Latest Episodes:

162: What's the difference between porn sex and real-life sex? A woman porn director explains (ft. Holly Randall) Jul 23, 2021

Show notes

Holly Randall grew up in a household where both parents were in the adult industry (as photographers/producers). Eventually she herself became an adult film director (and podcaster!). In a world where free porn is ubiquitous and affects all of us in our dating and relationship lives, it's worth exploring the differences between porn as depicted onscreen and sex in real life. Here's one gem: She says 90%+ of male porn stars use Viagra, so if you're judging how hard your cock gets or your performance on them ... stop. We also discuss penis size, the hidden truth about anal sex, and much more.

161: 3 common ways women try to control men in relationships (ft. Simone Milasas) Jul 16, 2021

Show notes

Ever felt like your partner was trying to control you, whether in dating or a committed relationship — for example by withholding sex, subtly shaming you, or making you feel guilty if you needed space? Simone Milasas, author of Relationship: Are You Sure You Want One?, breaks down several common ways women who have sex with men often try to control their partners (sometimes unconsciously). If you've been in a relationship where you didn't really feel like you could be just yourself without triggering your partner, you may find this one validating.

160: She went from not wanting sex at all to deep, fulfilling sex (ft. Irene Fehr) Jul 09, 2021

Show notes

Irene and her husband started out hot and heavy, but that sexual chemistry didn't last. Eventually sex was painful for her and she sought out help from OBGYNs and other experts ... to no avail. She, like many women, thought she was broken. This took a heavy toll on her marriage, and it was years before she was able to truly enjoy sex again. Now she coaches other women and couples hoping to regain intimacy and achieve a thriving sex life. Whether you're currently dating, in a relationship, or married, you'll get something out of this riveting story of sexuality, relationships, redemption, and how the healing process can seem circuitous but eventually always leads to wholeness.

Mentioned in the episode:

Why Sex Dies and How to Make Love & Sex Work in a Long-term Relationship: www.irenefehr.com/start-here-sex-coaching
Website: www.irenefehr.com

159: It happens to boys, too. Somatic therapies to heal from sexual abuse (ft. Rahi Chun) Jul 02, 2021

Show notes

Got sexual issues like not being able to get hard when you want to (aka erectile dysfunction), premature ejaculation, or being unable to keep an erection when you want to? Or relationship issues like pushing away a woman you like without not knowing why, getting nervous when things are going towards sex, or disruptive anxious/avoidant attachment dynamics? Trauma -- including sexual abuse or other sexual trauma -- could be at the root. Healing from sexual issues and connection problems is possible when you get the right kind of help. Here are some highly effective trauma recovery modalities that work -- often quickly. Somatic Sex Educator and certified sexologist Rahi Chun breaks it down.

158: How "radical authenticity" can transform your dating & relationship life (ft. Connell Barrett) Jun 25, 2021

Show notes

Imagine going up to a woman you don't know and saying, straight up, "You're sexy." Can you picture it? Does it give you anxiety? Connell used to be a "nice guy," constantly relegated to the friend zone. But he didn't stay that way — his story is a fun and compelling example of what happens when you reclaim your sexuality and lean into your edges. If you want to become more powerful in your sex, dating, and relationship life, there are valuable lessons here. (And yes, his journey did involve going up to women and just putting it out there: "You're sexy!") As the author of Dating Sucks But You Don't, Connell also lays out some practical dating app profile advice for men here.

157: How to talk dirty during sex -- while making her feel safe (ft. Ashley Manta) [REPLAY] Jun 18, 2021

Show notes

Ever wanted to spice up your sex life with some dirty talk? Connected sex leads to a happy, healthy relationship, and that can be enhanced by adding in elements like dirty talk during sex. But how do you actually do it? What do you say, and how do you bring it up with a partner? We cover all that, plus a super fun, sexy exercise you can do with your partner to kick things off (hint: it involves a blindfold, but not in the way that you think ... and all clothes can stay on). Whether you're single or in a dating relationship (or relationship or married), there's something here for you.

156: The new dating app that gets you more dates! (ft. Zach Schleien of Filter Off) Jun 11, 2021

Show notes

Most dating apps for straight folks have about 90% men and 10% women on them -- so the experience for men is often one of scarcity. (If you have trouble getting matches as a man, that's normal.) So wouldn't it be great if there were an app where you could go on 8 mini-dates in an hour and a half? Filter Off is a video-first dating app that helps you meet more people faster, and actually see and hear them before meeting up in person (you'll know if they actually look like their photos!). It's modern dating, streamlined. P.S. Based on this episode, I may run my very own dating event through Filter Off! Want to get in on that? Email me at dearmenpodcast at gmail dot com to get on the list.

155: How to overcome anxious/avoidant attachment in relationship (ft. Dr. Matt Kreinheder) Jun 04, 2021

Show notes

If you want a healthy, happy relationship, you'll need to address your attachment wounds. We've all got 'em to one extent or another -- and yours may be more pronounced depending on your childhood. If you've been wanting to overcome anxious attachment (or avoidant attachment) because you're suffering in relationship (or dating), you'll appreciate this episode.

Processing trauma as efficiently as possible requires you to include the body. Healing happens in the body, not just the mind. Somatic therapy like the one we discuss here (Network Spinal Analysis) helps your nervous system heal from anxious attachment, and more. Remember that you don't need to be perfect; you just need to be willing to grow so you can be present in sex, dating, or relationships now. Personal growth DOES work when you do the work. <3

DROP-IN MEN'S GROUP COMING UP: Monday, June 14, 7:30pm PST $20 evolutionary.men/events

154: Can I have female friends when in a relationship? (ft. Jason Lange) May 28, 2021

Show notes

How do you stay in integrity when you have women friends, as a man in a monogamous relationship. How do you handle it if your partner gets triggered over you meeting up with a female friend, and how can you take steps to prevent that? Some men naturally have more female friends than male ones, or find it easier to connect with women in life than men (not just sexually, but emotionally). There's room for everyone in this conversation, and it's important to know how to get your own needs met and also honor those of your partner.

153: Her sexual healing: How to support her *and* get your needs met (ft. Violet Lange) May 21, 2021

Show notes

Many couples start out hot and heavy when it comes to sex, only to see that sexual heat fade. One of the sources of this can be unresolved sexual trauma in one or both partners ... which can be hard to talk about. How do you bring up your own need for a dynamic and fulfilling sex life when she clearly doesn't want to talk about it? Here, we look at the dynamic when your wife or girlfriend is a survivor of sexual trauma (child sexual abuse, rape, sexual assault), how it affects your sex life, and what to do about it. If you're a man looking to figure out how to both support your woman in her sexual healing work, and how to speak up about your own need for a thriving sex life (which trauma is getting in the way of), you won't want to miss this.

Books referenced in this episode:

Waking the Tiger: Healing Trauma, by Peter Levine & Ann Frederick

In an Unspoken Voice: How the Body Releases Trauma and Restores Goodness, by Peter Levine & Gabor Mate

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