Dear Men: How to Rock Sex, Dating, and Relationships With Women

Latest Episodes:

182: Is your partner a survivor of sexual trauma? What to expect & how to help (ft. Violet Lange) [replay] Dec 10, 2021

Show notes

If you're a man who has sex with women, chances are extremely high you've slept with a woman with sexual trauma. Signs can include: she avoids sex (even if she used to want it); she dissociates during sex (she's checked out, not into it, or it feels like she's not really there); she physically pushes you away; and more.

It takes a lot of trust for someone to let you know this is part of their history. And if she does tell you, or the two of you discover this, what then? When your wife or girlfriend is a survivor of sexual trauma (child sexual abuse, rape, sexual assault), it affects your sex life. For example, how do you balance your own need for a vibrant, healthy sex life if she clearly doesn't want to talk about it? Here, we discuss how to navigate this dynamic, including both supporting your woman and speaking up about your own sexual needs.

Books referenced in this episode:

• Waking the Tiger: Healing Trauma by Peter Levine & Ann Frederick

• In an Unspoken Voice: How the Body Releases Trauma and Restores Goodness by Peter Levine & Gabor Mate

181: What exactly is polarity? We break it down. (ft. Violet Lange) [replay] Dec 03, 2021

Show notes

How do you keep sex hot in your relationship over time? How do you generate attraction on a date without feeling like you're forcing it (whether a date with a new person you met while online dating or your wife of many years)? How can you encourage your woman partner to relax, soften, and receive without saying a word? You've probably heard us talking about polarity before -- here, we start at the beginning and discuss what it is, isn't, and everything in between. Polarity is heat, fire, attraction, and magnetism, and it's something you can consciously learn how to work with. Let's do this.

180: Top 3 things we’ve learned after coaching men on sex & relationships for years (ft. Jason Lange) Nov 26, 2021

Show notes

'Tis the season for reflection, and here Jason and I each share our top learnings when it comes to hearing from -- and coaching -- hundreds of men on dating, relationships, marriage, love, sex, separation, devotion, divorce, infidelity, personal growth, dedication, longing, and more. Whether it's wanting or needing more sex in a long-term relationship, surviving domestic violence, moving from feeling insecure about performing well in the sack with a new person to looking forward to it, the joy of connecting with a woman who's receptive to his gifts, overcoming sexual trauma, or navigating the vulnerability of online dating, we've witnessed our guys move through immense challenges and not just "make it," but thrive. We're grateful to our men for their openness and willingness to grow and transform, and giving us the opportunity to share these kinds of stories. To expansion and the alchemy of change. To life!

179: Why’s it so hard for me to approach my wife/partner for sex? (ft. Jason Lange) Nov 19, 2021

Show notes

It might seem like a paradox: You're in a long-term relationship with a woman, yet it's actually harder to approach her for sex. You might think it's more difficult to approach a new sex or dating partner, but in fact it can be even more challenging to initiate sex with your wife/spouse. Here, Jason gets personal in terms of his experience having trouble initiating sex with partners in the past, and how he overcame that in his marriage now. Other things we cover:

How do you maintain your confidence to keep approaching even when you've been turned down a few times? (Rejection can be a bitch.)
What helps a woman open up sexually during the day that has her want to get down and dirty with you later that night?
How you can improve your relationship by initiating sex more skillfully

If you've ever wondered, "How do I get my wife to have more sex with me" you'll want to give this a listen.

178: What's it like to have non-ejaculatory orgasms as a man? (ft. Cam Fraser) Nov 12, 2021

Show notes

In the world of advanced sexual mastery for men, the non-ejaculatory orgasm (aka "energetic orgasm" or "full-body orgasm") looms large. In this episode, Cam Fraser, Australia's leading sex coach for men, gets into the details around this. Because if this kind of sexual mastery is interesting to you as a penis-owner, you may wonder: How do you actually get there? What do you have to develop (and how) in order to be able to come without actually ejaculating? And what does this kind of mastery have to do with how good you are in bed? The answer might surprise you. Other topics we cover here: semen retention, what it was like for Cam to overcome his own experience with erectile dysfunction/premature ejaculation, how he got on the personal growth path, and what it means for sex with a partner when you take ejaculation off the table. Hint: it can be great in both dating and relationships.

177: What's it like being a "wing girl" to thousands of men? (ft. Marni Kinrys, of the Wing Girl Method) Nov 05, 2021

Show notes

How good are you at gauging whether a woman is interested in you? How 'bout how to "escalate" in a titillating yet ethical (non-creepy) way? YouTube personality Marni has been a "wing girl" to thousands of men over the years, and in this lively discussion we get personal. We cover how she got her start, what she has learned about men, dating, and sex over the years; how her work has been informed by her relationship (married with children); and what she's excited about now.

176: Men, weed, alcohol, and love. (ft. Jason Lange) Oct 29, 2021

Show notes

Ever wondered whether you have a normal or healthy relationship with weed, alcohol, or another substance? Here's a related thing to consider: I've dated a number of men who used marijuana or alcohol to regulate (i.e. they were functioning alcoholics or weed addicts), and I was scared to tell them how it affected our relationship. It's hard to tell someone you care about that their unresolved trauma and subsequent connection to a substance is a problem for you. Here, Jason and I get real about what it means to have a conversation about this, and what the feminine truly craves from the masculine around this. (Hint: it's not perfection.)

175: Repair conversations, MDMA, and love (ft. Jayson Gaddis) Oct 22, 2021

Show notes

When your partner triggers you, how do you respond? Do you have boundless patients and flawless boundaries? Or do you struggle to know how to get your needs met while also ensuring that your partner feels respected, cherished, and seen? Jayson Gaddis, author of Getting to Zero, and I get real in this conversation that includes how to "out" ourselves with vulnerability skillfully, and how that can help with repair (i.e. conflict resolution). We also touch on the deal with addressing trauma patterns with plant medicines like MDMA. This episode will spark some ideas about how you show up in relationships in your own life, whether sexual or not. Practicing repair is just as valuable in dating and committed relationships as it is with friends, colleagues, and family members, and it's worth it to learn how to become more masterful at it.

Getting to Zero: How to Work Through Conflict in Your High-Stakes Relationships: https://www.gettingtozerobook.com/

174: How knowing your "hottest sexual movie" can make for smokin' sex (ft. Celeste Hirschman) Oct 15, 2021

Show notes

Nope, we're not talking about your favorite porn video -- we're talking about what your particular psyche finds sexy. It turns out your hottest sexual movie is a fundamental part of your sexuality you might not even know about yet. Celeste has worked with thousands of both men and women to discover their core desires, and we discuss themes that arise around them (i.e. women often want to feel desired, special, and seen in sex, while men often want to feel powerful and competent). Whether you're single, in a dating relationship or committed, long-term partnership, you knowing about your own core sexual movie as well as how to elicit that from your partner can up both your pleasure and your mastery when it comes to doing the dirty. ;)

Mentioned on this podcast:

Somatica Institute: https://www.somaticainstitute.com/

Books: Cockfidence, Making Love Real, and Coming Together

173: Conscious Cock. What is it and how can it help you? (ft. Kristopher Lovestone) Oct 08, 2021

Show notes

When you think of a sex educator, you probably think about school. But the truth is a lot of us need sex education as adults (even married folks!), and Kristopher Lovestone is a passionate advocate of healthy, fun, and informative sex ed for men who have sex with women. His new book Conscious Cock provides a wealth of info, which we discuss. We also cover his own fascinating story of going from a child who survived six divorces (yes, six!) to a happily married husband and father himself. We also talk about a "yes, no, maybe" sex list (it's very cool -- you'll want to know more) and how you as a man can make sex even more pleasurable for both you and your partner on a regular basis. Hot sex, dating, and relationships for all!

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