Date Your Wife

Latest Episodes:

When Parenting Strategies Collide | Date Your Wife | Ep 026 Jul 03, 2018

Show notes

It's no secret that the Date Your Wife Podcast doubles as a weekly therapy session for married co-hosts, Danielle and Garret J White. This week during their candid conversation about the topic of parenting, fireworks are ignited as they each take a strong stance for their differing parenting tactics and strategies.

Every week married couple Danielle and Garrett J White share insights and perspectives from within their own lives regarding the following topics discussed each month: Week 1: Sex Week 2: Money Week 3: Parenting Week 4: Communication In This Week's Podcast…. PARENTING Point #1: Monster Mom, Monster Child

Garrett spent this past week in Costa Rica on a surfing vacation, and Danielle and the girls flew to Utah to be with her parents for a few days. That first night deep in the jungle of Costa Rica, Garrett received a frantic and emotional text call from Baily, their eleven-year-old daughter, who was screaming and freaking out about her smashed cell phone. That night, he realized that at the end of the day, he had absolutely no control over what was happening over 3500 miles away in a different country.
Danielle: At the same moment Garrett was having that realization, I was having the realization that there was nothing I could do, either. Bailey had flipped her lid and was totally irrational, to the point where anything I said escalated the situation on both sides. I started out calm, and then I got to the point where monster mom came out. I reminded her that she's eleven and is not entitled to a phone, and eventually grabbed her phone and threw it. I suddenly realized that monster mom created monster child.

QUESTION

What is your parenting strategy when your kids are behaving irrationally?

Point #2: To Slap or Not to Slap

Garrett: Danielle texted me and asked me what she should have done. I said, slap her, but she said no. "Breaking cell phones is a very expensive habit because every cell phone you break, you inevitably end up getting a new cell phone, and we just end up spending more money. Slap her, it's free, and a quick slap takes care of it all."
Danielle: I remember being backhanded by my mom a few times. One time she did it so hard that I flew into the window and got a bloody nose. You want me to slap her, but the repercussions of being a pre-teen and having your mom or dad backhand you across the face cause far more scarring than throwing a cell phone.

QUESTION

What are your thoughts about slapping? Yes or no?

Point #3: Cell Phone Family Plan

Danielle: When Baily doesn't have her cell phone with her 24/7, she's more present. She has a tendency to get into her head. She worries about the wrong shit and gets sucked into the vortex. I think there's a lot of good that comes from Social Media, but there have to be boundaries, and there have to be limitations so there isn't this sense of entitlement. Tonight when we get home, we're going to create a cell phone contract with her.
Garrett: I think the contract is a very good idea. I just think you need to be very clear about what you're going to put on the contract. You better be ready to enforce it, and you better know what the enforcement of the plan is, otherwise it's just going to be another one of those things that never happen.

QUESTION

Cell phones and kids – why or why not?

Point #4: Different Parents, Different Strategies

Garrett: As parents, we have radically different strategies for dealing with our children. I deal with life one way, Danielle deals with life another way. Part of what used to cause a lot of conflict was that we didn't know how to submit to what the other person was passionate about. For example, Danielle said that Baily told her to her face that she's a fucking bitch. I would slap her in the mouth.
But Danielle's opposed to that and thinks it's super trashy. In my opinion, if our daughter calls Danielle a fucking bitch, she deserves to be slapped in the face. The end. Danielle's strategy is to ignore and wait until things blow up, then she deals with the chaos from that point on. I like to intercept shit and punch it before it becomes a major issue. This has created a lot of chaos for us as we raise our children because we have totally different strategies.

QUESTION

What are your parenting strategies?

Point #5: Kings, Support Your Queens

Garrett: Gentlemen, yes it's your job to lead in the house, but at the same time, your wife spends more time with your children. At the end of the day, although I may have opinions about how things should go on at home, she spends the most time with them and they've figured out their game. One of the worst things you can do is to fuck up their flow, even when it looks like complete insanity from the outside. Just support it.
There's a shitload of disrespect in our country with kids in this age group who just don't give a shit. They talk shit to their parents, to adults, and to teachers. I don't necessarily have the answers, but here's what I do know: inside of it at some point – as a man – it's more important to back your wife in what's going on than it is for you to be right.

QUESTION

How is this conversation resonating with you and your spouse?

Communication Challenge:

Discuss your parenting strategies in the area of discipline. How can you two come together to create a unified front?

Date Night Topic:

To slap or not to slap: Why or why not? How has your upbringing shaped your opinion about it?

Quote of the Week:

"Have the courage to have conversations even when you disagree."

—Garrett J White

"Make sure that whatever the plan is that you back your significant other."

—Danielle K White

Money is Spiritual | Date Your Wife | Ep 025 Jun 26, 2018

Show notes

From the perspective of powerful producers, parents, and business owners, Danielle and Garrett's insightful conversation sheds light on the important role money plays in marriage relationships.

Danielle: In a lot of relationships, men do the jobs and women take care of the details. I'm not factually oriented at all, and if you give me too much information, I shut down and I can't do it. One of the biggest things that helped our marriage was when Garrett decided to take over the bills. I found Garrett more attractive once he did that.
Garrett: Part of this means taking on the bullshit – the stuff that is required when it comes to money. My wife didn't want to deal with paying the bills and my story was I just wanted to be able to focus on production so didn't want to take care of them.

QUESTION: How do you and your spouse handle the details in your marriage? Point #2: Attraction Factor

Garrett: As a man, if you're not getting it done financially inside of your relationship, you cannot demand attraction. Why? A woman wants to feel safe and secure, and she wants to be taken care of. Even if she's a Producer at the core, this is what she desires.
Danielle: A lot of times in relationships, guys expect their wives to be the woman, yet they demand their wives to do the jobs that are typically dude jobs. If I expect Garrett to show up and be the man, I have to submit in certain areas; if he expects me to be the woman, then he has to take away those manly responsibilities and treat me like the woman.

QUESTION: Gentlemen, what comes up for you when you hear that most women want to be taken care of? Point #3: Money Roles in Marriage

Garrett: The truth is, I would yell at my wife about not getting on the phone with the insurance company. I began asking myself, "Do I want my wife getting on the phone and having her end up getting exhausted, fatigued and stressed out by dealing with the insurance company, and burning up all of her sexual energy in creative frustration in the process?" The answer was no.
For the first ten years of our relationship, I expected my wife to be the man when it came to managing the money. What I saw in my house growing up was my mother managing the money while my dad was making the money. He would give it to my mom and she would make it all work. That was all I knew. So when I got married, guess what I expected?

QUESTION: What expectations do you have in your marriage based on your upbringing? Point #4: Hats and Roles

Danielle: I have different hats, different roles, and different boxes. When we're on Date Night, work can't carry over into the Date Night box. In past years when we weren't in a good place, we would talk about work and it would always snowball into something crazy.
As a wife, mom and business owner, I've had to learn to compartmentalize when it comes to a wearing a mom hat and a business hat. I think the best way to go about doing things in a relationship is to own every side of you but know how and when to put on each hat as needed.

QUESTION: Ladies, how are you doing with the different hats you wear? Point #5: Energy and Connection

Garrett: Any time that a man and a woman connect inside of marriage, it's spiritual. It's an unseen attraction that exists. It's not something physical or tangible that we can touch, it's something inside of us that we feel.
Energy inside of a relationship when you're married is connection. And anytime there's connection, there's spirituality. Money creates the opportunity for you to experience deeper levels of connection – in the making of it, the maintaining of it, and the creating of a life with it. Money matters.

QUESTION: How do you and your wife create deep connection in your relationship?

Communication Challenge:

Have a conversation about the role money played in your upbringing and how you want it to play out in your life going forward.

Date Night Topic:

What does "Being the Man" and "Being the Woman" look like in your relationship?

Quote of the Week:

"We want you to submit and be a woman but at the same time, we kind of like it when you punch us in the face. It's a dual turn on. I want to be mentally challenged by you to the point that I'm fucking pissed, but at the same time, I want you to submit as a woman."

—Garrett J White

"Everyone who says money doesn't matter is full of shit. In our experience, not having money or even losing it, definitely put a stress on the relationship. I believe money is a very important tool."

—Danielle K White

The Power of the V | Date Your Wife | Ep 024 Jun 19, 2018

Show notes

The White's take it over the cliff in this week's episode as they dive deep and get personal in their candid conversation around the always spicy topic of sex. Be prepared to receive massive value as they revisit the ever-popular QQP, explore rejection and how it shapes patterns and behaviors in the bedroom, how Garrett's before marriage "sex talk" reveals common challenges in Orthodox-based religions when it comes to beliefs and conversations about sex, and how their relationship has undergone a massive facelift in the past two years.

Garrett: It's been a long time since we've fought about the sex topic. I don't know what's been going on the past two months, but you've been on it. It's been fun as fuck. I don't know what's happened inside of you, but I need that shift to continue. You've been playing out QQP like a champion. It's like your daily Core4.
Danielle: I gave myself permission to have fun. As women, we sometimes take on the story that we're not going to be used, that it's beneath us. The Shift is when you realize you can get your heart's desires and dreams by understanding that men are actually pretty simple. Everybody's happier when we own that the V is very powerful.

QUESTION: Where in your world would making a shift be a game changer?

Point #2: Rejection

Garrett: When you've been married for a number of years, there are patterns that tend to get created that are fucked up. I felt rejected for ten years, which led me to feel very weak in the bedroom. I didn't feel wanted, and I lacked confidence and certainty. This led me to interesting patterns of masturbation, porn, and drinking. I was trying to figure out how to survive.
No matter how rejected you've felt, you have the power to change that story. I was not able to change that story on my own. My wife and I going to marriage and sex therapy allowed us to pull that off. Another very powerful tool we use, known as the Stack, can be found at warriorbook.com inside one of our 30 Day Challenges known as the KingsKit.

QUESTION: What patterns and behaviors have you fallen into because of feelings of rejection?

Point #3: Wifey Guilt

Danielle: Sex is the only topic in the wifey guilt. "Oh no. It's been a few days. I didn't do my wifey duties." Women naturally know when things are not aligned, and where we're not putting the time and effort into certain areas of our life. When the kids are screaming - but I know we gotta do this - these are the quickest nights. I enjoy these because the next day it brings more peace into our relationship.
There was a time I felt, why should I be guilty? I'm not being fulfilled. For so many years you played the victim - poor me, you owe me this. Because we're married, I have to put out every night? Fuck you, I don't owe you anything. Then I got to this point: have a quickie, connect, it's not that big of a deal, and then we carry on in this happy place in our marriage. For me, that's fulfilling.

QUESTION: Ladies, how can you relate to this?

Point #4: Birthday Surprise

Garrett: These last couple of years, it's been this really powerful game where I've recognized that what I actually wanted from my wife was not the penis and vagina experience - don't get me wrong, that's what I want. But what I've wanted is to feel wanted. What was amazing about my birthday is that I felt wanted.
Danielle: Garrett was in the middle of an event in Huntington Beach during his birthday. He was on stage and nobody really knew it was his birthday until his lead trainer, Sam, announced it. As 350 guys sang Happy Birthday, I walked onto the stage and surprised him. For Garrett, it was this moment of, "Oh my God. She wants to be here."

QUESTION: What would be possible for your relationship if each of you actually felt wanted by your spouse?

Point #5: It's Kind of Messy

Garrett: For the guys who get exactly what I'm talking about, if you were raised in a pretty orthodox religion and you were not married to a woman who was practiced before marriage, nor were you practiced before marriage - on the one side, there's a huge advantage to having sex before you get married. I know that's going to completely burn the ears of those who may be listening, "Oh my God! I'm completely against that!"
Danielle: Yes, there's good that comes out of us being raised this way. But where's the line? Is it a blessing or a curse? Garrett: People don't measure the consequence of not being sexually aware at all. They're not being trained. When we were raised, we were not trained or taught. I didn't even know what a clitoris was. My dad's sex talk to me before I got married was, "Be sure you have a cloth handy. It's kind of messy."

QUESTION: What do you think: Wait until marriage, or have some experience before getting married?

Communication Challenge:

Have a conversation about how you were raised, and how that has shaped your beliefs, patterns, and behaviors about sex.

Date Night Topic:

How can you both bring new vitality into your relationship?

Quote of the Week:

"I would love to invite you as a man to join us in the KingsKit challenge that you can find at warriorbook.com and be part of that experience. And if you're a lady listening to this show, I would encourage you to send your man over to that."

--Garrett J White

"Ladies, if you're in that place where your guy's not really being the man, you have to reevaluate and ask yourself, "How can I show up and be the woman?" Sometimes, the strongest women need to surrender to what's going to benefit you, your family, and your relationship. A lot of times you discover, "Wow, that served me more than I thought!" Commitment is the first step.

--Danielle K White

Stay in Your Lane | Date Your Wife | Ep 023 Jun 12, 2018

Show notes

Communication is the topic in this week's Date Your Wife episode where Danielle and Garrett discuss growth, conflict & collision, and how we all take on different characters and play different roles in our relationships.

Danielle is the owner of DKW Styling Salon and has created a hair extension system called Natural Beaded Rows. She and her team are basking in the afterglow of their most recent three-day convention, where they hosted 350 students eager to learn Danielle's system.
Garrett: A comment came in from an associate of ours who was at the convention: "You know, Danielle is like a gremlin - cuddly, nice, sweet, and fun. And then you pour a little water on it and out comes the beast. I watched Danielle speak and train like I have never before seen her. Her gremlin was activated!"

QUESTION: What causes the Gremlin in you to activate?

Point #2: Characters and Roles

Garrett: I've realized that we as human beings have lots of characters and we play different roles. If you look at this from an acting perspective, you take on different roles and play different characters. Inside of a marriage relationship, there are a lot of roles that we are required to create and master.
Danielle: In business, a true professional knows when to use each character in the different roles they are required to take on. As a woman, I have to know when to wear the work hat, when to wear the mom hat, and when to wear the wife and lover hat.

QUESTION: What are the different characters and roles you take on in your marriage?

Point #3: Growing at Different Speeds

Danielle: When we lost everything and Garrett was trying to discover himself, I was always telling him to just figure it out. He would want to share and connect with me, and when I didn't want to, he felt I wasn't growing. I decided I wasn't going to worry about what Garrett was doing, but rather work on me and stay in my own lane.
Garrett: We grow at different speeds and at different times. This changes our roles and makes communication difficult. The challenge becomes staying in your own lane. When you're trying to communicate and you're both in two totally diffident places, it can be very difficult.

QUESTION: How do you handle growing at different speeds in your marriage?

Point #4: Choice vs Force

Garrett: I got to the point where my power and my path were going to be about choosing me, choosing the path that I wanted, and inviting Danielle to come along with me. I told her this is where I'm going, I would like you to come with me, but if you don't want to come that's okay - I'm still going to go. The more I took that stand, the better our relationship became inside of our communication.
Danielle: It's because it became about me getting to choose and not feeling like you were forcing me or dragging me. For me, that actually feels better. If you go to an event that's all about self-help or self-awareness, you don't want to come home to your spouse and say "by the way, you're broken and you should probably come with me and get fixed." That's kind of like how it comes across.

QUESTION: Are you more likely to force or to encourage choice in your relationships?

Point #5: The Control Factor

Garrett: I'll have you consider that the worst thing that could ever exist inside of a relationship is one where there is no collision in communication. Collision must happen, and inside of that, control must be submitted at times.
Danielle: In order to ultimately get what you want, you have to choose your battles. Sometimes when we're fighting we realize we're both on the same team, we let it go, calm it down, and then revisit that conversation.

QUESTION: How do you handle collision in your relationship?

Communication Challenge:

How do you handle and resolve conflict in your marriage?

Date Night Topic:

What are you committed to as a couple in the area of growth?

Quote of the Week:

"When you're growing, and your partner may not be growing at the same speed, you have to stay committed to what you want, move forward, and invite them into the picture."

--Garrett J White

"Learn how to communicate with your partner in that safe zone."

--Danielle K White

Collide or Retreat? | Date Your Wife | Ep 022 Jun 05, 2018

Show notes

In this week's Date Your Wife Podcast, Danielle and Garrett have a conversation about their conflicting parenting strategies - as well as possible solutions - as they reveal real-life challenges.

Danielle: I was raised as a Mormon where I felt like I had to be this perfect mom. If I work, I better figure out how to balance it all. As a result, there has been a lot of mommy guilt as I've tried to create a balance between all of the hats I'm wearing. One day the Voice said to me, "You will impact way more people if you pursue this passion [hair]." I've discovered that by pursuing my passion, I ultimately affect my children.
Garrett: There tends to be a war within women - women who produce and work outside the home, and women who work only inside the home. Both of these sides tend to throw stones at each other. At the end of the day, it's not about whether you produce outside or inside of the home. At some level as a woman, you have to give yourself permission to pursue a passion or purpose beyond your children.

QUESTION: As a couple, how do you feel about your wife pursuing her passions in addition to raising a family?

Point #2: If-Then Scenario

When asked by Garrett if she believes that producing outside the home makes her a better mom, Danielle replied: I don't know. I know I'm a better me, but sometimes I feel like a shitty mom. There are moments as a kid that mold us. As much as I feel like I'm fucking up, hopefully, I have enough of those moments of me leading and guiding other women or of just being me where they're going to say "I want to be like my mom."
Garrett: She would only be giving a quarter of who she is to her children if she wasn't working. They would never see a woman taking a stand for her life. I know she's a better mother because she's a better producer. But this doesn't mean that every single woman listening to this must launch a business to be a better mom. At the end of the day, the key phrase is, as you are becoming better as a woman, then the relationship you have as a parent ultimately expands by default.

QUESTION: Do you believe you're a better mom because you do or because you do not work outside of the home?

Point #3: Conflicting Parenting Strategies

Garrett: You and I are very different people. As a result, we have very different parenting strategies. When there's a problem with our kids, I collide and conflict with them, while you pretend it's not there. Your parenting strategy is to literally ignore and hold out and wait for the storm to pass. Your game is: The tsunami is coming, get to high ground.
Danielle: When you get mad and yell at our girls, my thought is, "Garrett, they're girls. Don't yell at them like that!" When the girls are crazy emotional, I ignore them. When I'm pissed, my thoughts are: Just get out of my way, just let me be pissed. As girls, we tend to have more of an emotional side. So when I see that the girls have flipped their lid - and I can't get reel them back in no matter what I say - I know I need to give them space.

QUESTION: What are your parenting stratetgies?

Point #4: Assasin Attack vs Retreat to Higher Ground

Garrett: I have a different strategy: I don't ignore it. When the tsunami comes, I run down like Spartan 300 to hell's gate against a million people and I wage war on the ensuing enemy. I can see the same crazy spot where the storm cannot be negotiated with, but the difference is, I come in like an assassin in the night and grab the situation by the horns.
Danielle is uncomfortable with conflict, while Garrett is uncomfortable with sitting and allowing the storm to brew. "Danielle's picture of parenting is us running to high ground. I see that and I pee on it. My parenting plan is my wife's got war paint on her face, she's wielding a sword and a shield, and I'm yelling, "Woman, we're going to the front line!" I start running and when I look back, she's squatting and peeing on my parenting plan."

QUESTION: How are you relating to Danielle's and Garrett's differences in parenting strategies?

Point #5: Walk and Talk

Garrett: If the challenge is my daughter is a lot like me, here's the reality: If I had to get out of bed and then 15 minutes later had to be at school or work or anywhere, I'd be fucking crazy too. Last night, I asked my daughter to go for a walk. We held hands, we talked about how dad is crazy in the morning, and how I noticed she's also experiencing a lot of crazy in the morning.
We've implemented The Walk and Talk with our daughter, and I've also brought it to the Warrior brotherhood: You go for a 30-minute walk with your child, you hold hands, and just let them talk. The whole focus is to let them get their feelings out, to validate those feelings, and to throw yourself under the bus, thus giving your child the chance to be ok with being human.

QUESTION: Do you have a child where investing in a daily Walk and Talk would make a world of difference for them?

Communication Challenge:

What are your parenting strategies? If they are causing collision and confusion in your relationship and in your family, how you can unite them?

Date Night Topic:

Have a conversation centered around your wife pursuing her passions beyond that of a being a wife and a mother.

Quote of the Week:

"For the guys out there, if I am a leader in my home, then this means I must also take the lead as a man on the parenting side, which means I've also got to take a stand for their greatness and in their weakness."

--Garrett J White

"I'm kind of an introvert, yet I believe if you find something you're passionate about, you can outgrow the person you think you are. For me, getting outside of my comfort zone is a new high that fuels me."

--Danielle K White

Warrior Women | Date Your Wife | Ep 021 May 29, 2018

Show notes

You're in for a real treat in this week's episode of Date Your Wife where the conversation is all about the highly anticipated Warrior Week for Women coming in August 2018. This is the first time in seven years that they're bringing forth the message of the Warrior's Way directly to women and for women, with Danielle as one of the lead trainers.

In 2012, I launched Wake Up Warrior to men. It was based on an idea that power itself could be ultimately generated and created inside of a man like me. Over the last 6 1/2 years, it has risen from a concept to a movement that is now blanketing the world in twenty-seven countries, with tens of thousands of men partaking inside of a belief system found inside the book, WarriorBook.
This is the first time I will be speaking directly to women on the topic of living the Warrior's Way and accessing the power that we, as men, have been accessing for six years. Over the years, emails from women have been pouring in from around the globe requesting and searching for the same power that they have seen being taught to men, wanting it for themselves.

QUESTION: How and when did you first hear about Wake Up Warrior? Point #2: Uncover Your Divine Nature and Power

This isn't going to be about carrying logs or physical beatdowns; you're not going to be outside on the trails, and you're not going to fight each other. It's not some ethereal meditation retreat, nor is it about being led down a path of possibility and vision boards.
This is a path of true, practical, pragmatic power, and it will be customized with my wife by my side, as well as the women who have stood at the core of this movement with their husbands, to lead and guide you down the path of uncovering the divine nature and power of who you truly are.

QUESTION: What about this speaks to your soul? Point #3: Proven Science and Doctrine

This is an invitation for you to step into the first inaugural no-guarantees-that-we-will-ever-do-it-again Warrior Week for Women. We do this because it has been requested from the women who want to be able to understand the power their husband is learning, experiencing, and expressing, and for single women who are simply wanting to find the power inside of themselves to stand.
Coming to this experience is not about him, it's about you. The science we have developed may not have been directed at women in the beginning, but has indirectly blessed the lives of countless thousands. We've been testing this doctrine and science in a small way for 1 1/2 years inside my hair salons to see if it would impact the lives of these women the way it had the men – and the answer was, yes!

QUESTION: Ladies, where in your life would you like to experience more power and certainty? Point #4: Noxious Weeds and Chaos

It's time to peel it back, it's time to take a stand for you and with you. It's time for Wake Up Warrior to put a flag in the ground inside of the marketplace and to take for the very first time, the curriculum, science, art, and the process of the awakening of and becoming a woman – from the science we've proven and tested in far harder ground, with more rocks and more noxious weeds and more chaos with the men, so that it would be ready for you.
I invite you to step inside the journey of power with me and to experience what is really about starting a movement preparing for 2019 as Wake Up Warrior begins to take this science and belief system, not directly just to men, but directly to women, just like you.

QUESTION: What would be possible for you if you accept this invitation? Point #5: Is It Your Time?

You have an opportunity to be part of the group of the first women, the women who get to experience this raw and on fire with myself, the trainers and support coaches, who are going to be part of this integrated experience that we have never done before. I don't need you to do this, but your family and your life will want you to.
If you know it's your time – time to take a step in a direction that is ultimately possibly the first time about serving you, and about giving you purpose, power, and possibility – click warriorwomennow.com, and I'll see you in Laguna in August 2018 with my elite team of trainers at the first inaugural experience of Warrior Week for Women.

QUESTION: Are you ready to step into the first inaugural experience of Warrior Week for Women? Communication Challenge:

Gentlemen, at the conclusion of the podcast, have a converation with your Queen about Warrior Week for Women and how you can support her in this journey.

Date Night Topic:

What would be possible for your family to begin living the Warrior's Way together?

Quote of the Week:

"At Warrior Wealth for women, we're going to train you not just on the concepts of power, but on the art and science of production. You deserve and must demand inside of yourself the capacity to be a high-level producer."

—Garrett J White

"We're excited to see how this is going to affect the balance in your life between being a mom, a business owner, a wife, and being in a relationship; of creating more in your life, creating that space you desire, and more importantly, creating purpose beyond kids and work."

—Danielle K White

Hold Your Shield, Get Your Balls Back, and Have More Sex | Date Your Wife | Ep 020 May 22, 2018

Show notes

Welcome to the Date Your Wife Podcast where professionals Garrett J and Daniel K White, who happen to make babies together, take on the topic of Money in this week's episode. One of the more interesting gems discovered in today's conversation is Garrett's confession to having pierced his nipples while attending college, arguably one of the worst decisions he has ever made.

Garrett: Danielle doesn't collide well with people, and since I do, one of the things we rely on inside of our marriage when it comes to money is that I'm the guy out in front with the shield and sword. I'm the guy that goes to war. I'm the guy that collides with everyone inside of the topic of money.
I remember the days when I would put Danielle out front to be the shield and would yell at her that it was her job to pay the bills because I was too busy. I would ask her why I felt like I was married to a man and she said it's because I had put her in man shoes. This, of course, had a huge impact on our sex life.

QUESTION: In your marriage, who is out in front going to war?

Point #2: Illusion

Garrett: Danielle looks like she's a very orderly person when she's with me because I'm a hurricane. She's very clean but isn't good at cleaning. Open any drawer in our house and Danielle admits it's a scary shit show.
Danielle: We compliment each other very well when it comes to our strengths and weaknesses. When it comes to numbers, I tend to shut down a little bit and get overwhelmed, and only want to be told numbers on a need to know basis

QUESTION: How do the two of you compliment one another?

Point #3: Let Go and Let Him Lead

Danielle: I don't know what's going on with the bills, and I trust that Garrett has that taken care of. In the past, I wanted control over what I was making only because when shit was going south in our marriage, that was my safety net and escape plan.
Garrett: Being able to give your man a position to lead is vital. A common complaint from powerful women is that their man is not leading. My response? Quit cutting off his balls. If you want him to act like a king with the vaults and the money, then you're going to have to actually show up in a way that gives him space to do that.

QUESTION: Ladies, are you cutting off your husband's balls?

Point #4: Growth Yields Abundance

Garrett: While I was using you as a shield, you were part of the key game of triggering me to want more. I think I would have settled for way less than what we currently have, but you exposed me to a place of possibility of a life being married to you other than how I was raised.
Danielle: At the end of the day, significance only gets people so far. By pushing Garrett to grow, we have become better people. We've tapped into a different network of people and we've been able to impact more people's lives directly by putting a dollar figure behind it.

QUESTION: Where in your relationship have the two of you settled?

Point #5: Push and Lead

Garrett: You drove me to care more about money in the sense of getting economically compensated for what I do, and to keep pushing that. I then I took it upon myself to create profitable businesses and a lifestyle that was financially prosperous, and a legacy that would matter economically. That's the gift I got from Danielle.
Danielle: Lead by example rather than dragging your spouse with you. If they don't see that shift and if they don't want to be the better version of themselves, then you might cross paths. At one point, our circumstances caused me to push myself out there with an attitude of wanting to produce more, and in the process became a better artist and person.

QUESTION: How do you push your spouse to become a better version of themselves?

Communication Challenge:

Have a discussion about the man being out in front leading, guiding, and protecting his family. What would it take for you two to pull this off? What changes would have to take place?

Date Night Topic:

On your next Date Night, share with each other the ways you compliment one another.

Quote of the Week:

"When I took the shield back and started paying the bills, I started producing and began to double down, focusing on myself and making sure I was on point as a producer. When I did this, this magical thing came back. Danielle became more attracted to me and we began having more sex."

--Garrett J White

"We see it all the time where couples come inside both of our businesses trying to get each of their spouses on board. It seems there's always going to be one more driven than the other. I've always thought of Garrett as being the one more driven, but once I gave myself permission, I discovered that I'm actually very driven and super passionate."

--Danielle K White

Finding Your Inner Stripper | Date Your Wife | Ep 019 May 15, 2018

Show notes

Welcome to this week's steamy episode of the Date Your Wife podcast sponsored by DKW Styling and featuring dual producers inside the game of business, money, and life - Danielle K and Garrett J White - who are keeping it real and raw no matter what level of success they achieve. Although today's topic is one of the tougher topics for many couples to get real about, the White's break down all barriers and bare all in this week's enlightening, revealing and transparent conversation about sex.

Danielle: We were at Cabo, lots of sex, no kids, drinking gin, and this medium-looking girl walks by with her guy, she's wearing a thong and has a tiny bum - even I noticed. It's when your head followed and you kept following. Usually, you're super respectful. But you kept prolonging that ass.
Garrett: You caught me on that one. You do have control over how long you entertain, but you have zero control over the fact that if nine sets of ass cheeks are walking by you, and you're sitting there with your wife whose ass cheeks you love, as a guy in that environment it is a work of art to try to NOT do two things: #1- look, #2- try to not be weird about it when you're with your wife.

QUESTION: How do you feel about prolongued looks at the opposite sex by your partner?

Point #2: Sexual Triggers

Danielle: Being turned on by a guy is all about how he carries himself; it's all about his energy and not about the idea of having sex with him. You might get butterflies and think, 'oh he's cute,' but usually you never entertain it until later when it comes up and you wonder why you're so horny.
Garrett: As guys, we have a very different challenge because we are constantly being stimulated. You can be at church and a woman walks by wearing a shirt where her nipples are protruding and you can be a super committed loyal man to your wife, and nonetheless, you are sexually triggered.

QUESTION: What triggers you sexually?

Point #3: Finding Your Inner Stripper

For years, Garrett wanted Danielle to send him sexy photos of herself, but for a long time, she wasn't about that. She eventually had a boudoir photo shoot that was not only for Garrett, but it also helped her find her inner stripper and channel more of her sexual being.
"When I'm learning and growing in life, I'll do things to get out of my comfort zone because it pisses me off that I'm operating in a certain way. Doing the pictures made me nervous but I decided to just do it. It gives you permission to roleplay and it spices things up a little bit."

QUESTION: What is something you can do this week to step out of your comfort zone in your relationship?

Point #4: Reflection in the Mirror

Garrett: It's very difficult for a guy to have his thoughts in check if he's not getting laid. As a guy, you are naturally sexually charged and if you and your wife are not having sex for whatever reason - if physical intimacy is not happening - his sexual energy goes even higher, which is what leads a man to go porn and masturbation, which ultimately leads to a bigger problem.
Ladies, if you shame and guilt your husband because he's looking at porn, I'd invite you to look in the mirror at how you're showing up. The majority of men are looking at porn because they are not getting their sexual and emotional needs met at home - the relationship sex game is horseshit and not working out.

QUESTION: Ladies, how are you showing up sexually for your husband?

Point #5: Road to Nowhere

With consistent porn consumption and masturbation, you will stop putting your sexual energy towards your wife. You deplete all of your sexual energy into the computer and into your cell phone, and through masturbation, you literally push your energy away into the nothing. There's no exchange of energy.
Garrett: "Looking at porn and masturbating is a hollow experience. When I would go through these times of looking at porn and masturbating because Danielle and I were not on the same page, I would feel bad, alone and isolated. Turning to porn made it worse because I would start feeling even more resentment towards Danielle."

QUESTION: Gentlemen, where are you in the porn/masturbation cycle? How are your actions affecting your wife and your relationship?

Communication Challenge:

Ladies, how can you use sex as a tool and as a connecting piece to restore order in the relationship?

Date Night Topic:

Do a little role playing on your next Date Night to channel your inner stripper and add a little spice to the mix.

Quote of the Week:

"Guys, at the end of the day, keep all of that sexual energy in because it forces you to get committed to getting laid. This is what I have noticed for myself. If I keep all the sexual energy inside of me by not masturbating or looking at porn, then it forces me to focus all that energy on Danielle."

--Garrett J White

"Take the time to connect. Even if you're working a lot and don't see each other often, your relationship can only be as good as you're willing to work on it. If you're willing to cross the line for each other and not let it get too far disconnected, you can always stay in a good space. It's when you let it go too far that it takes that much longer to repair it and get back up. It's always a work in progress."

--Danielle K White

Cross the Line | Date Your Wife | Ep 018 May 08, 2018

Show notes

Being married is hard. In fact, it can be a complete fuckin shit show and amazing all at the same time. While most marriages end up in complete sedation, disconnection and/or divorce, Garrett and Danielle have a commitment to create something a little bit better than that, a little more fun. Join them in this week's podcast that doubles as their very own therapy session as they engage in a conversation about the all important topic of communication.

You can be comfortable with somebody and respect them, and maybe you don't fight and things are generally good, but there's no spark. Your idea of a night out is coming home from a long day at work, throwing on your sweats and watching Netflix together...and then you wonder what happened to that spark you used to feel.
Date Night is one of the ways the sparks continue to fly between Danielle and Garrett. Danielle loves getting all dressed up for Date Night and treats it like an actual date, like she did during their pre-marriage days. She inspired Garrett to level up his game from his go-to flannel shirt to his now custom tailored design jackets.

QUESTION: When was the last time the two of you dressed up and stepped out on the town together? How did it make you feel?

Point #2: Sugar 'n Spice

Garrett: Inside the communication game, people sometimes think that it's the spice they're trying to get rid of. When I define spice, I'm talking about arguments, disagreements, giggling, laughing, joking, having fun, getting angry at each other, fighting, battling, debating, having crucial conversations - it's everything.
Danielle: There's a lot of spice in our marriage and we collide a lot with our personalities - both in good ways and in ways where we piss each other off. Spice for me is "I fucking hate you" which turns into "I fucking love you."

QUESTION: How do you keep your marriage fresh and spicy?

Point #3: Love Notes

Making daily deposits into your family's life is part of living the Warrior's way, part of something called the Core 4. Men typically don't know how to communicate their feelings and don't send love messages to their wives, which Garrett believes many women would love receiving from their husbands.
While Danielle acknowledges the daily texts from Garrett, her love language is found more in spending quality time together with him, like doing these podcasts or going on Date Nights. She sends texts of encouragement when she senses he's having a stressful day, which messages Garrett loves receiving as part of his love language.

QUESTION: What are your thoughts about giving or receiving love notes?

Point #4: Give and Take

Garrett: In my world, I had to learn that it was ok to buy my wife shit. It was a very hard thing for me, and I questioned how buying gifts for her made me more valuable as a husband.
Danielle: Because I can buy my own things, I felt like I had to submit and let Garrett buy me gifts, which is one of my love languages. I wanted him to be the man, yet at first I wasn't allowing space for him to do that.

QUESTION: Why are you stopping your spouse from giving you what you say you want to receive from them?

Point #5: Dance With Me

Garrett: As you can tell, we're still working on this, which is the ability to actually communicate with and understand the language of our partner.
Inside of that, we get to choose to do two things: appreciate the language they receive in, and learn that we give the language that the people we're married to want to receive.

QUESTION: What does your daily dance of communication look like?

Communication Challenge:

Danielle: Garrett needs to be told "I love you" but my communication is different. Is your communication verbal or silent? Is one wrong and one right?

Date Night Topic:

For women, what is your husband's love language and how can you cross the line a little bit for him? For men, how can you cross the line a little bit for your wife?

Quote of the Week:

"I'm essentially making love to the ocean because she accepts me every morning."

--Garrett J White

"We'll argue about a topic and one of us has to eventually reach over to the other side and reciprocate. You have to cross the line in order to make it a little more peaceful in your home."

--Danielle K White

Addicted to the High of Growing | Date Your Wife | Ep 017 May 01, 2018

Show notes

Today we're going to share with you an intense, potent and powerful interview with Danielle from the Warrior Empire event in December 2016. It was the first time Danielle took to the stage where she talked about what it's like to be a woman married to a man living the Warrior's Way.

In the beginning, Danielle was completely against how Garrett was showing up. He was going to self help seminars and making her feel guilty for not going with him. He continued challenging her, which caused her to reevaluate who she was and who she wanted to become.
Danielle: Put yourself in your wife's shoes. If she started implementing change, how would you react? People in general don't like change because it's scary. From a wife's perspective, you can't overwhelm her, but rather lead by example in the same way you would lead children.

QUESTION: Gentlemen, what is the way you initiate growth and change in your partner?

Point #2: Choosing In

There was a point in time when Danielle had to choose to be all in for herself and for their marriage. Garrett was moving in the direction he was going and he was committed over time to a certain path, while at the same time they were both trying to recover from chaos as a couple.
Danielle: I felt that both of us were fighting and neither of us was ready to give up. We were both not necessarily choosing in, but we weren't out and were still very much connected. All it takes is that little piece of connection to rekindle and to rebuild.

QUESTION: How can you "choose in" to your marriage everyday to keep the flame burning or to rekindle a fading flame?

Point #3: Sex and Marriage

Danielle: It's give and take. You have to play the role a little bit and let go of your ego. In order to build that sexual chemistry that seems to leave after you get married, think about the feeling you had when you were dating and do what you did back then: You got your car washed, you got a new pair of shoes, you planned the date, you were flirty.
How did sex therapy help us? I felt like I could say what I was thinking without worrying about upsetting Garrett. Having a therapist is like having a sounding board where it's immediately less triggering for both sides, although Garrett got triggered to the point where during a session he jumped up and did pushups because he was so pissed.

QUESTION: What do you do to keep the sexual chemistry strong in your relationship?

Point #4: Collision

Danielle: Whether the wife works or not, when couples grow, the wife goes into this "I can do everything" mode where it seems kind of masculine. It's actually more cold and calculated where we don't come across as very feminine, but instead we're in focus mode trying to get shit done.
Garrett: Gentlemen, the more you encourage your wife to change, the more she will rise in power, and the more collisions are going to take place. As Danielle has risen in power as a creator and a producer, her masculinity has also risen, so there's this collision that exists inside of her. Sometimes the collision we experience is not as lovers or as a couple, but instead as two masculine energies colliding.

QUESTION: What happens when you collide with your spouse?

Point #5: Living the Warrior's Way

Danielle: I'm addicted to the high of growing where it makes me feel like comfortable is no longer an option. Progressing as a person is now a high for me. How can I stay where I am when the sky's the limit? Where things were once scary and chaotic in our life and relationship, we're now in a much healthier space.
I look at where we are now and the only thing I feel is gratitude, humility and excitement. If this has happened in the last five years, what's going to happen in the next five years? I get glimpses of the future sometimes and I'm like, "Oh shit, that's so cool!"

QUESTION: How have you and your spouse changed as a direct result of living the Warrior's Way?

Communication Challenge:

Take some time to have a conversation around this idea of collision. How can you use this tool to better serve your relationship?

Date Night Topic:

On your next Date Night, take a trip down memory lane and talk about what you both used to do in the early days of your dating and start implementing those things to rekindle and ignite the flame of sexual chemistry between you.

Quote of the Week:

"Once men experience Warrior, they become more invested in their children, which produces a new kind of chaos while they figure out how to balance this with their role as a husband, and as a hunter and provider."

--Garrett J White

"No matter who you're with, you're going to have problems. With Garrett and I, it made more sense to rebuild our relationship than to burn it to the ground."

--Danielle K White

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