Date Your Wife

Latest Episodes:

The Cirque du Soleil of Married Sex | Date Your Wife | Ep 036 Sep 11, 2018

Show notes

With shots of tequila in their system and amidst the flirtatious back-and-forth bantering that easily doubles as foreplay, the White's jump into another episode of the Date Your Wife podcast with a conversation around Garrett's favorite topic, Sex. For the new listeners, Danielle explains QQP (Quickie, Quickie Pornstar) and they have an honest and revealing discussion about keeping married sex spicy. ________________________________________________________Every week married couple Danielle and Garrett J White share insights and perspectives from within their own lives regarding the following topics discussed each month:

Week 1: Sex Week 2: Money Week 3: Parenting Week 4: Communication In This Week's Podcast….SEX Point #1: If You Don't Mop the Floors, Somebody Else Will

Danielle: Many women approach sex with a "let's just get 'er done" attitude. If guys go long enough with only a simple clean up job, they're not going to be satisfied.
Garrett: Danielle's sex game in the last six months has gone through the roof. As a woman, she has literally blown my mind.

QUESTION

Where has mopping the floors in your marriage gotten you?

Point #2: Avoiding the Shithole of Married Sex

Danielle: Sometimes you have to act the part and play the role during sex. Entertain that idea and have fun with it.
Just because you're laying there with your legs spread open doesn't mean that's attractive. When you're married, if you expect to have that chemistry and spark, play the fucking game.

QUESTION

What is the condition of your sex life? What are the facts?

Point #3: Girls Just Want to Have Fun

Danielle: I'm happy that my man is fulfilled When you have fun with sex, you man is feeling fulfilled. It's fun for him and it's fun for you – it goes both ways.
Pretend you're dating and ask yourself, How would I act? What would I do? Even after years of marriage, it becomes fun to entertain that thought and go with it.

QUESTION

Ladies, how do you feel about yourself when you just let yourself go and have fun?

Point #4: The Sex Game

Garrett: Many men have this faulty understanding about sex. They want to have sexual connection with their wife and they think that making money and investing in the children will get them that.
At the end of the day, she wants sexual connection but she also wants something else – she wants attention. If you give that to her, she will support you in the sex game and it will bring your marriage together.

QUESTION

What are you expecting from your wife yet at the same time neglecting to give her?

Point #5: Patterns

Garrett has this pattern of putting the girls to sleep and engaging in their nighttime routine, while Danielle professes that she's not a very routined mom: "Brush your own teeth, say your own prayers, tuck yourself in."
Garrett: There's a lot of dad-guilt that comes when you work a lot. I do spend time with the girls in the mornings but I find I sometimes use them as an excuse to not have to be intimate with Danielle at night.

QUESTION

What patterns are in need of changing in order for you to make more time with your spouse?

Communication Challenge:

Gentlemen, if you want your floors more than mopped, what are you doing to create the environment for your wife to want to shine your floors?

Date Night Topic:

Have a converation about patterns that you see in your marriage and what you can begin doing today to change a pattern in one area of your life that will benefit your marriage.

Quote of the Week:

"The moon was out, the doors on our deck were open, and it was "Go Time."

–Garrett J White

"In a relationship, if you say, "I don't want to [have sex]," it's honestly like starting a new workout. Put in the work now and eventually it gets easier. Before you know it, it's actually kind of fun."

–Danielle K White

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Head over to Amazon to pick up your copy of Be the Man. warriorbook.com, dkwstyling.com, wakeupwarriorwoman.com

The Strength of Vulnerability | Date Your Wife | Ep 035 Sep 04, 2018

Show notes

Danielle and Garrett are back inside the studio this week after leading 300 women through the powerful inaugural event, WarriorWomen. Knowing they have been called to serve, they are on a momentum high inside the Warrior Time Warp where change happens quickly when one is willing to be vulnerable and submit to the processes and evolutions, which Garrett and his family demonstrated themselves during a two-hour gut-wrenching and liberating experience. warriorbook.com, dkwstyling.com, wakeupwarriorwoman.com

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Every week married couple Danielle and Garrett J White share insights and perspectives from within their own lives regarding the following topics discussed each month: Week 1: Sex Week 2: Money Week 3: Parenting Week 4: Communication In This Week's Podcast….COMMUNICATION Point #1: Vulnerability

Danielle: Emotion is getting feelings out, vulnerability is digging deep and exposing who you really are.
Garrett: I defined vulnerability as a weakness for a long time. What I've come to know is that there's strength in vulnerability

QUESTION

How has your definition of being vulnerable shifted over the years?

Point #2: Emotional Closure

Garrett: Married at a very young age to my first wife, we experienced a lot of chaos and life was very difficult. After 18 months, she said she was done, I ran, and we ultimately divorced.
For 16 years, I didn't know how to be in their world; I didn't know how to show up for my son. I unplugged and ignored. We never had any emotional closure to what happened.

QUESTION

Where in your world have you not experienced emotional closure and it's time for that to happen?

Point #3: Submission Brings Freedom

Garrett: We submitted to a process of breaking down the hard shell.
Diving into this, I had no fucking idea what would happen, but what I did know was that our experience would ultimately help millions of people.

QUESTION

What do you know you want to be released from that has held you in a prison?

Point #4: Letting Go

Danielle: The recurring theme that Kristi brought up was, "I felt like I wasn't good enough for you. And now our son is with you – and again, I'm not good enough."
I felt the entire room was lighter, that everyone had released something.

QUESTION

What do you experience when you let things go?

Point #5: The End. Garrett

Garrett: Danielle was key to the reuniting of Parker and me.
"Stop pretending like he's your son and that you're his father. You're not. Right now, you're just trying to decide if you can be friends."

QUESTION

Where in your world do you need to change how you view yourself?

Communication Challenge:

What does it mean and look like in your marriage to be vulnerable?

Date Night Topic:

Date Night is one of the places you can get to that real, raw, and vulnerable place within your marriage. You have the space to talk without kids or others around.

Have a conversation this week during Date Night and inside of that, get real, raw, and vulnerable – even if it means having an argument or collision.

Quote of the Week:

"One of the most intense two hours of my life was during WarriorWomen where I was on stage with my ex-wife, our son, my mother, and Danielle."

—Garrett J White

"You didn't lose Parker, this is just the next chapter where all of us get to be a part of his life."

—Danielle K White

The Power of Space | Date Your Wife | Ep 034 Aug 28, 2018

Show notes

The White's discuss the importance of getting away as a couple in this week's episode.

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Danielle: I think it's crucial to have time together to reconnect, then when you go back home to the kids, you are rejuvenated.
When our relationship is on point, kids notice. They can pick up on the energy between you and your significant other.

QUESTION

How do you show each other that remembering your anniversary important to you?

Point #2: Mommy Guilt

Danielle: It happens to all the moms I talk to. Even though you're excited and have a good time, there's always this weird anxiety leading up to the vacation.
I feel that anxiety never really goes away unless you just push forward. You have to go on these trips and realize your kids are going to be just fine.

QUESTION

How do you as a couple deal with two different visions of where to invest your money?

Point #3: Hiring Help

Garrett: Can you see how your entire world has been held hostage by the fact that the only people you will trust to watch your children are your parents?
The entire game from a guy's perspective comes down to you as a man creating space for your wife. One of the big hurdles you're going to have to overcome is getting your wife to be okay with hiring help that is not free and I not part of the family.

QUESTION

How do you and your wife feel about this?

Point #4: Cashing In Chips

Danielle: Free help is never free. I feel like there is this debt with the Universe with family. I watched your kids so you have to watch mine; I brought you dinner so you have to bring me dinner too. There's always this unspoken feeling of cashing in of favors with family and close friends.
There's no such thing as free help when you go into it with the mindset of I will do this for you if you do this for me – then you owe me.

QUESTION

How often do you use your parents friends instead of hiring someone?

Point #5: What's Important to You?

Garrett: Some guys are saying I don't have enough money to get a babysitter. I say bullshit. You have enough money to put gas in your car; you'll have enough money to get what you believe is important to you.
Space away from the kids creates perspective and power -perspective on your children, on you as a couple and perspective on your life.

QUESTION

What are your priorities?

Communication Challenge:

Have a conversation around the topic of Free Help vs Hired Help.

Date Night Topic:

Talk about places you would like to go on your quarterly trips together, set the dates, and begin making plans for it.

Quote of the Week:

"When you move away from working in the family and inthe relationship, and start to work on the relationship and on the family by taking trips and date nights away, you gain perspective. And that perspective is your power."

—Garrett J White

"All you ladies out there, stop trying to be superwoman. It's not serving you. Surrender to the fact that date nights are important and vacations are important, regardless of the anxiety you have surrounding your children. Guess what. You're not the only one that can parent for your children."

—Danielle K White

Don't Use Your Wife As a Shield | Date Your Wife | Ep 033 Aug 21, 2018

Show notes

The White's celebrate their 15 year anniversary in this powerful and entertaining episode of the Date Your Wife Podcast where they have a conversation around the all-important and ofttimes tricky topic of Money inside a marriage relationship.

Danielle: For years, we celebrated our anniversary on the 22nd of August until six years ago when I found our old wedding book and was so shocked to see the date of August 21st.
Garrett: We're grown ass adults and every year we text our mothers to see what date we got fucking married, though we do remember the first place we had sex after we got married.

QUESTION

How do you show each other that remembering your anniversary important to you?

Point #2: When Visions Collide

A crucial turning point for Garrett was in having a collision with Danielle about investing in blinds for his Warrior HQ – a vision inside his business that he could see but that she could not.
For a long time, Garrett didn't see the point in the purses that Danielle loves buying, but now he does. Danielle: It's creative expression which transfers over to confidence in life, business, and in everything else.

QUESTION

How do you as a couple deal with two different visions of where to invest your money?

Point #3: Leading a Double Life

Danielle: After everything was ripped from us, it took about four years to rebuild that trust. And in that four years, everything felt unsafe and inconsistent to me so I finally said, screw you. I'll do my thing, you do yours.
As women, we look to our husbands for safety and security. When that goes away, there's this lack of trust. I questioned every little move Garrett was making because I was building back up the trust from years of his patterns of inconsistency with money.

QUESTION

Gentlemen, are you providing security and safety for your Queen?

Point #4: The Awakening

Garrett: After giving Danielle the responsibility of handling the bills because I got so stressed out about my inability to pay them, she began taking on that stress. I realized I was using my wife as a shield from me having to deal with shit.
My wife started channeling heavy levels of masculine energy which had us fighting at home a ton. I'm like fuck, I'm coming home to a dude. I realized I was the one who had created this dude the moment I decided to turn the queen into a shield. I had an awakening.

QUESTION

What needs to shift in your relationship when it comes to being the man and leading the battle so you can take your wife out of that role?

Point #5: Reality Check

Garrett: Gentlemen, if you're going to go make the money, then you manage the money. All of you fucking men out there who are expecting your wife to split the fucking bills with you, fuck you.
Women want a purpose to produce but they don't want to feel the pressure of having to be the provider. There are far too many men who are okay with the idea that they can sit back and lean on the production power of the Queen and only build themselves far enough to meet halfway.

QUESTION

Ladies, how do you feel about this?

Communication Challenge:

Gentlemen, ask yourself this question: Who would I have to become such that my wife could choose to work and choose to produce if she wanted to?

Date Night Topic:

On your date this week, take a trip down memory lane and recall the events leading up to the day the two of you met. What impressed you about each other? What have you grown to love about each other through the years?

Quote of the Week:

"At the end of the day, I've yet to meet a powerful producing woman who doesn't want her man to raise the sword and go to war so she can rest at times."

—Garrett J White

"I got to this place where I wanted to be in the relationship with Garrett because I wanted to, not because I felt I had to."

—Danielle K White

Sexy Screenshots | Date Your Wife | Ep 032 Aug 14, 2018

Show notes

You're in for a blushing hot time with the White's in this week's episode of the Date Your Wife podcast. Danielle and Garrett hold nothing back as they explore the reality of faking, fantasy, and payloads, and share intimate secrets and tips in this completely transparent and entertaining conversation about Garrett's favorite topic, sex.

Danielle: Every girl fakes it. If she says she never fakes it, she's like the guy who says he never masturbates. We get to this point where we don't care if we have an orgasm – we're just putting on a good show.
Garrett: Here's the deal: I have faked it. I don't care if Danielle fakes it. I actually like it and enjoy it more when she does because I feel like we've both scored.

QUESTION

How often do you fake it?

Point #2: Go For the Goal

Garrett: Do you think porn has completely twisted the thought of orgasms? We know this woman who never had an orgasm during her 13-year marriage. And she didn't even know she wasn't having an orgasm.
Danielle: You have to be a little selfish in bed and go after what you want. If she didn't have an orgasm, it's her fault. Even with the dullest sexual encounters, if I want it, I'm going to get it. You gotta be focused; you gotta go for the goal. You treat it like a sport, ladies. You get on it and accomplish your goal.

QUESTION

Ladies, how do you communicate what you want to your guy?

Point #3: The Warm Up

Danielle: If there's a warm-up, girls are focusing on "holy shit, I'm not going." If there's not a warm-up, we're focusing on "I'm going to go after the goal and get it." If we get warmed up, it's going to happen. But sometimes when we're tired, we won't submit to the warm-up, and then we're all about a quick one.
Guys like the warm-up because the girl just submits. But here's the thing. You can't go in aggressively for the warm-up because then it gets creepy; then we're thinking this is just gross, let's just have a quick one. So, guys, you really have to seduce us.

QUESTION

Guys, what type of warm-up does your spouse respond to the most?

Point #4: Payloads

Garrett: If a guy hasn't gone for a while, say it's been five days, and there's been no masturbation, he has a bigger shot. The bigger the shot, the more intense the orgasm.
Danielle. I think I purposely don't go sometimes because I want the build up. I think it's more of a control thing for myself. I can have a bunch of shitty pairs of shoes, or I can have a couple of really good ones.

QUESTION

What is your preference?

Point #5: Screenshots Matter

Garrett: Women, you have to give your man a screenshot. Danielle sends me photos of her looking super sexy in her swimsuits. She doesn't send me naked photos or breast shots, she sends me super intense and very sexy photos that I put on my cell phone.
If we're at the beach and another woman walks by wearing a thong, I'll get triggered, but my mind immediately goes to the preloaded content from my wife in her sexy swimsuits or of her in the bedroom ironing her clothes wearing nothing but panties.

QUESTION

Ladies, how has the idea of creating screenshot moments for your guy enhanced your confidence?

Communication Challenge:

Begin having conversations about the following topics and discover how these two strategies can enhance your realtionship:

1) The Faking Game 2) Delivering Sexy Screenshot Content

Date Night Topic:

Use one of your next Date Nights to create some Sexy Screenshot content for each other.

Quote of the Week:

"I'm okay with the idea that Mystery Man is the guy who gets you revved up because, at the end of the day, I'm the one who's scoring goals around here. You can be a fan in the stands all day long, but I'm the one holding the trophy."

—Garrett J White

"Garrett has learned the art of holding back a little, and now I feel safe about giving him screenshots. I believe it creates content and spice in a marriage. If you don't create content for your guy, he's going to find content somewhere else."

—Danielle K White

Keeping it Spicy With Dark Garrett and Susan | Date Your Wife | Ep 031 Aug 07, 2018

Show notes

Dark Garrett and Susan are introduced for the first time in this week's episode of the Date Your Wife podcast, where married co-hosts, Garrett J and Danielle K White have a conversation around the topic of communication. They share how alcohol and therapy assisted in opening up the lines of communication between them, and how reserving Date Nights exclusively for each other continues to serve as a vital tool of connection in their marriage.

Garrett and Danielle express different personalities in their marriage at different times. While Dark Garrett and Susan cannot exist in the same space, the dynamics of these personalities brings spice to their relationship.
Danielle: Garrett's a Gemini, so I feel like he's always being genuine to the Gemini two-faced. Is it "Happy, fun Garrett?" Or is it, "I'll rip your face off Garrett?" Garrett: Susan is a little more free-spirited and is also very aggressive. She throws champaign glasses in 5-star restaurants and smashes them on the ground. We end up on the beach where she loses her high heels and she's making sand cookies. I love Susan. She's rough, but I love her.

QUESTION

What are the different personalities that surface in your relationship?

Point #2: Alcohol and Communication

Garrett: Traditionally, people struggle with communication. At some point, there's a line that can be crossed and also a line that must be crossed for individuals to get into a place of communication. Alcohol is one piece that some couples use.
In order for two people to be able to take their relationship further in their communication, both couples have to open up more. Alcohol has played into allowing Danielle and I to have deeper levels of communication.

QUESTION

What is your experience with alcohol use as a couple to enhance and deepen your communication?

Point #3: Alcohol and Sex

Danielle: Did you know that some couples have a hard time having sex without drinking? For me, good sex is when I'm totally sober. I know Garrett loves it when Susan shows up and does more of the porn star sex. But for me, with sober sex, I have better orgasms even though the sex may seem very plain Jane and traditional.
I've talked with many women who agree: If we're super hammered, we can't get off. If I come to a point where I'm super drunk, I will have fun playing the role of Susan for Garrett. I don't really care if it's beneficial for me that night because, at that point, it's more fun just to have fun.

QUESTION

What role does alcohol play in your sexual intimacy?

Point #4: The Strategy of Therapy

Danielle: Garrett had suggested for the longest time that we do therapy. I said fuck you, I'm not broken, I'm not doing therapy. I was really stubborn about it. I was like, you work on yourself, I'm good. With divorce on my mind, and feeling like I hadn't done everything I could, I surrendered and agreed to do therapy.
Therapy was really interesting for me. I was afraid that by sharing my problems, I would be exposed. I then realized that a lot of people have the same fucking problems in different variations. In going to a therapist, I felt like I finally had a sounding board where it was safe to share things.

QUESTION

What role has therapy played in strengthening your marriage?

Point #5: In the Beginning

Danielle: I felt like we had good communication when we were dating. That's one of the things that I liked about Garrett. We would sit and talk for hours and hours, which was the first time I had experienced anything that. I felt so comfortable with him. We lost that when things got a little spicy in our marriage.
Garrett: The first business I launched after we got married, I was so focused on work that I remember Danielle, but at the same time, I hardly remember her. We spent the first ten years of our marriage just growing up. We were both re-growing as individuals and having to re-choose each other as a couple over and over and over again.

QUESTION

How has your communication changed and evolved from when you first began dating?

Communication Challenge:

What about therapy? What about alcohol? What about something else? Have an open conversation about the possibility of bringing these or other strategies into your marriage to enhance and deepen the levels of your communication.

Date Night Topic:

Take on different personalities during your next Date Night to add some spice to the mix.

Quote of the Week:

"If one of us is not in Dark Garrett or Susan, is there an attraction that exists between simply Garrett and Danielle? Or is it the dynamic of Susan and Dark Garrett that actually brings about the spice?"

—Garrett J White

"As long as we have our Date Nights and our family days, I feel like we're able to have bits of time where we're able to stay connected."

—Danielle K White

Triple Sh*t Show | Date Your Wife | Ep 030 Jul 31, 2018

Show notes

On the heels of their return from their first eight-day family vacation in Europe, Garrett and Danielle delve into the spectacular topic that tends to come from sex: Parenting. In today's episode, the White's take us behind the scenes and give us a peek into what it looks like to manage their household, they give us tips for finding the perfect-for-your-family babysitter or nanny, and share stories of the magical and not so magical moments in Europe.

Garrett: Let's talk about communicating instructions to people who take care of the kids. This is one of the big things about parenting. Most women have a big-time struggle with leaving their kids with anyone. In fact, we have tons of friends who will only go on a Date Night if a family member can watch their children. Danielle is at the top of the list when it comes to anxiety surrounding this issue.
Danielle: When we go on vacation, I still get nervous. Like every mom, I start thinking thoughts like, "Oh my God, what if the plane goes down!? " Ultimately, you can't live your life like that. You can't not go anywhere or not do anything, or even not go on a date. I came to the place where I refused to let that hold me hostage. And I felt like I was being held hostage by my own anxiety and choice. Like anything, the more you do it and the more you surrender to it, the more it becomes less scary.

QUESTION

Ladies, how do you feel about babysitters watching your children?

Point #2: Finding That Magical Connection

Garrett: Outside of our family watching the kids, we would never go out because we didn't have a babysitter. I was more concerned about having a babysitter so that we could connect. I knew if we didn't connect and spend time together, which is Danielle's love language, there was no chance for sex and connection to take place, which is what I wanted. So, I found a resource to help us find someone: care.com.
Danielle: After going through a few people that weren't a good fit, I remembered that when I hire someone at my salon, instead of sending me their resume, I ask them to send me a video of why they think they're a good fit for our salon. So that's what I decided to do with care.com. Before we did that, we received over 100 emails in response to our ad. Once we asked for a video, we only received one response, which was from the girl we hired.

QUESTION

What are you looking for in someone who watches your children? What's important to you?

Point #3: Topnotch Pay for a Topnotch Experience

Danielle: You can't expect to have someone delivering you a topnotch experience if you're only willing to pay them an hourly rate. With Tori, our nanny, I told her we're going to be paying her well, and what I really want her focus to be on is our kids. You think you're hiring somebody to be a mom, but really you're just hiring somebody to take care of your kids and to make sure they're feeling loved.
Garrett: I'm willing to pay someone a salary just to guarantee we have two date nights every week. I talked Danielle off the ledge many times about going into the game of salary. This person needs a guarantee. They need to feel like they matter and that they count in the equation. I watch a lot of couples expect the world out of someone but give them no guarantees in return.

QUESTION

How do you feel about the idea of a salary vs hourly rate for your nanny or babysitter?

Point #4: Happy Wife, Happy Life

Danielle: Like most women, when I work I just want to come home to a clean house. So the days I work behind the chair are the days I have my cleaner come in. It alleviates a lot of stress for me. Some people might think it's ridiculous to pay a housecleaner to come twice a week, but if you look at the overall picture, and if it makes you a happier person, it's totally worth it.
Garrett: I needed for Danielle not to be stressful. She used to be stressed out all the time about the cleaning. It would affect our intimacy and our communication, and we'd fight over all sorts of shit. I got to the point where I thought this is not worth it. Having a cleaner come in twice a week? Totally worth it.

QUESTION

Gentlemen, how are your expectations creating more stress for your wife?

Point #5: Creating Memories

Danielle: I had an amazing experience with my kids. Time is a big thing for me. Vacations are important. There are little moments and experiences that you have on vacation that you can't have at home. To me, it's really important and it's the one thing I fought for in our marriage. Vacations create a lot of quality time and memories with family where sometimes it feels like you're in a dream or a fairytale.
And then there are moments when you're traveling with kids and you say you're never fucking bringing them anywhere, ever again! These stupid assholes don't appreciate it! It's a weird balance of oh my God, life's amazing, we're in a movie and, we're never bringing the kids again on another vacation! Still, the good memories outweigh the bad.

QUESTION

What are your thoughts about taking family vacations?

Communication Challenge:

What are your love languages? If you haven't read the book, grab a copy and begin reading it together. If you have read it, what are you doing to meet each other's love language?

Date Night Topic:

Have a conversation about where the two of you are going for your next Sexcation.

Quote of the Week:

"We pulled off the herculean effort of all time. We not only went to Europe for the first time on vacation, we also did something a little out of the ordinary for us: we took our children."

—Garrett J White

"Ladies, sometimes you just have to put your foot down for what you want when it comes to making family memories for life. And just remind yourself when you're on that vacation – and sometimes forcing fun with your kids – that you're building memories."

—Danielle K White

Get Paid, Both Get Laid | Date Your Wife | Ep 029 Jul 24, 2018

Show notes

In this week's episode of the Date Your Wife podcast, Danielle and Garrett get down to the nitty-gritty details of the behaviors, patterns, and stories both men and women exhibit and live in when it comes to the topic of money. The White's speak boldly and honestly about their experiences as a married couple inside the Game of Money – where men are typically driven by sex, and women by security – and share what they did that led them out of the throes of divorce and into a thriving and expanding relationship.

Garrett: We're discussing the fact that men typically use money to control women, and women use sex to control men. But there's this cross-over game specifically on the topic of money where a woman wants a man to produce, and yet inside of that, one of the challenges that happens is that the woman continues to cut the balls off the man as a Producer.
Danielle: Money creates safety and security for a woman, even if you're a powerful woman. I'm a very independent person and have always been one to want to take care of myself. Inside of that, I also want to be taken care of. So it's like this double-edged sword. In the end, we want to be taken care of but we can't expect to be taken care of we keep fighting for the throne. It's a balancing game and surrender on both ends.

QUESTION

How does this ring true in your relationship?

Point #2: No Money, No Trust

Danielle: At one point, Garrett wasn't producing, so I decided to put on the man hat and figure it out on my own. When everything got stripped from us, I wasn't feeling connected to Garrett. I didn't know if I really wanted to be married, especially since we didn't have any money. It wasn't like I was trying to cut Garrett's balls off; from a female perspective, I was just trying to survive. "You were the provider, you stripped that, so fuck you, you've lost my trust."
Garrett: We're sitting in this situation where I've built something and then I've lost it. I've also lost the trust of my wife. As I'm climbing out of the Pit to create financial results again, what I didn't expect to happen was to be tested by the queen over and over and over. I would speak to the possibility of what I was going to go do and then not do it. She didn't respond with something like "Oh hon, you're amazing." There was no cheerleading, "Hey you got this." Danielle was scorned and had no trust in me.

QUESTION

When trust has been lost in your marriage, how do you both regain it?

Point #3: Preparing for War

Garrett: I struggled with this. I interpreted everything she was saying and doing as "She doesn't want me, she doesn't care about me, she doesn't support me." Add to that, our sex life goes to hell in a hen basket. Not only do I have some blue balls going on, now I have bloody blue balls, and I'm having to protect my balls from being cut off every single day. I didn't know how to deal with this.
What I didn't know and understand was that she was actually preparing me to go back to war, to go back outside the wall of the destroyed kingdom to rebuild and repair our lives, to pay the bills, to build us out of scarcity and into abundance, and to create.

QUESTION

Gentlemen, describe how your wife has been preparing you to go back to war.

Point #4: Balls of Steel

Garrett: When I finally mastered the game of being able to go into collision with my wife, particularly in the conversation of money, there was a shift that took place. I got to this point where my balls became as steel. "Woman, go ahead and hack at those balls because all you'll do is break your knife." At that point, life started to shift and Danielle started to trust.
Danielle: I felt like Garrett was taking back the throne. Part of me was resistant, and a part of me was thinking "it's about fucking time." When I started to see that happen, I began backing down and decided I was going to stay in my own lane. There were two years where we just stayed in our own lanes; we weren't at war anymore, and the trust was building on both sides.

QUESTION

What does collision look like in your marriage?

Point #5: Daggers and Triggers

Garrett: Gentlemen, stop interpreting your wife's "criticism" as an attack. Stop the process of making your wife out to be the villain and the monster who is attacking you. You have to find a new decision and a new path that says, "Listen, my wife is not attacking me, my wife is triggering me to grow.
Danielle: A lot of times, I felt like I was throwing daggers at Garrett. I wasn't trying to trigger him, I wanted him to the be the man I knew he could be. But I couldn't say that, so it became a song and a dance for us to figure out how to communicate with each other.

QUESTION

What does your song and dance look like?

Communication Challenge:

Have a candid conversation around the premise that men typically use money to control women, and women use sex to control men. How has this affected your individual behavior as well as your overall relationship?

Date Night Topic:

Gratitude: As you go on your date this week, share three things about your spouse or partner that you are grateful for.

Quote of the Week:

"This has nothing to do with your wife not being a producer. My wife is an ultra producer and out-produces most men I know. Inside of that place, we each have clear roles and responsibilities as a couple which allow us to both experience the growth and the possibility of being a couple. My responsibility is the King, and hers is not that role."

—Garrett J White

"When women ask me how we did this, it's like they're wanting a checklist. I tell them to "put a mirror in front of your face and take a good look." It's the hard shit that women don't want to face, and it's usually the stuff noton the checklist that's tucked under the mattress, or under the rug; it's consistently doing the "little things" in the relationship that make a big difference."

—Danielle K White

Doing Tricks and Having Fun | Date Your Wife | Ep 028 Jul 17, 2018

Show notes

This week's episode of the Date Your Wife podcast is coming to you from the beautiful beaches of Cancun, Mexico, where your co-hosts, Danielle K and Garrett J White are on a romantic weekend get-a-way. In this week's conversation, the powerful duo opens up about the journey and evolution of their sexual rebirth.

Garrett: Part of the game of being married is taking trips, but for a decade, we didn't go on vacations very often. And when we did, it was a shitshow. I was upset, I'd be working, and we'd get in fights all the time about sex. The first time we came to Cancun, though, there was a sexual revolution that took place for us during that trip. Now, going on vacation is this exciting thing for me.
Danielle: We come back here for long weekend get-a-ways, where it's all about having fun, reconnecting, unplugging, and hanging out; it's like having Date Night every night. I think that's why we like coming here because it was one of the first trips we took together after we finally committed to taking the time to create the space and the money to make it happen.

QUESTION: What is the place you go back to that reminds you of your reconnection?

Point #2: Doorway to Apathy

Danielle: We'll talk with couples who are having a great vacation, yet they're not having sex and they don't care. I feel it's an interesting space to be in. They can say, "I have respect for my wife, we don't have sex, it's not a big deal," but where and how does that trickle down into the relationship?
Garrett: When this happens, one of the things a guy will do is to completely shut down sexually and become this sedated, constricted, pitiful man. He will completely cut off his sex drive and lock it away. What women don't understand is that this lack of sexual energy affects everything about a man's life - inside of his family and his business. Men become sedated dogs who just survive...and they're okay with it.

QUESTION: How long have you been in the "I don't care" phase?

Point #3: Rejection

Garrett: There are guys who are sexually frustrated as fuck, and they're trying to find a way out. They go beat the shit out of each other at the gym and then come home to this gorgeous Barbie doll princess-wife on ice blocks. I was begging for hand jobs back then and I was sliding down this path that was very confusing and frustrating. I didn't know how to get out of it; I didn't know how to snap out of that game.
If you're a dude who's thinking: I'm not getting fucking laid, I've been married to this woman for five-ten years, we've had two babies, we're not having sex, it's awkward as shit, I don't get blow jobs, we don't connect, my wife doesn't even want me to touch her...I get it. I was there with Danielle. If I tried to approach her at all, or even tried to touch her or kiss her in any way, shape or form, she would reject me. Even when I was trying to reconnect, she was still rejecting the shit out of me.

QUESTION: Gentlemen, how does Garrett's experience resonate with you?

Point #4: Feeling Invisible

Danielle: I felt like my needs weren't being met. What I was attracted to at a very young age was this guy who had a lot of drive; I knew he was going to be successful at whatever he did in life. When he got to this place where he was working, working, working - which was what I was initially attracted to - my needs weren't being met with TIME. Garrett was working his ass off, and then he would come home wanting to get laid.
Slowly, the courting, the dating, and the fun began to go away. I became resentful of his work, I didn't want to go to his events, I didn't give a shit if he was speaking, and I didn't care anymore. We were in this place where I felt like he wanted more, but I had been in this space for three to four years where my needs weren't being met. "Screw you, you've tarnished my trust, why would I cross the line?" I was in a painful place where I began questioning why I was even in this relationship.

QUESTION: Ladies, how does Danielle's experience relate to yours?

Point #5: Sexual Rebirth

Garrett: There has to be this moment where you make a decision: I am willing to do whatever is required to get to this place of my desire. What did I want? I wanted a relationship with my wife where we could communicate, talk, have open conversations, we could battle, we could dialogue, we could have sex or not have sex, we could be playful and flirt, we could hang out and connect - and inside of that, there would be no weirdness. It took years, not months or weeks, but years of working this out to get to where we are today.
Danielle: I went through a couple of years where I was thinking I don't know if I want to quit - probably because I was scared - but I don't know if I want to continue to stay married. That's when I decided to just focus on me and my business; I started to focus on growth as a person. In that space, I think that Garrett started to work on himself, too, and we were both getting our mojo back. We've gotten into this powerful space together because we're choosing it; we're choosing to do the work together.

QUESTION: What one thing are you committed to doing inside of your relationship to experience a sexual rebirth?

Communication Challenge:

I invite you as a couple to have a conversation around the possibility of participating in a 30 day KingsKit Challenge for the men: warriorbook.com, and for the ladies, participating in Wake Up Warrior for women: wakeupwarriorwoman.com.

Date Night Topic:

1 - Share the places you would like to go as a couple for your weekend get-a-ways.

2 - Set a date and begin planning your next one.

Quote of the Week:

"As a man, the first step to launching a sexual revolution within my marriage was to be able to be in a place of launching intensity and connection within myself, and of dealing with my own bullshit, lies, and stories. And inside of that, setting myself up on a trajectory of ultimately being able to create the conditions that would set my marriage sexually free."

--Garrett J White

"Have fun!"

--Danielle K White

How to Play the "I Don't Give a F**k" Game | Date Your Wife | Ep 027 Jul 10, 2018

Show notes

Married co-hosts, Danielle K and Garrett J White, discuss the art of Crucial Conversations in this week's episode of the Date Your Wife podcast. Their first encounter and first kiss are revealed as they take a trip down memory lane, and Garrett introduces the Triangle, which doubles as a favorite sex move of one of the Warriors as well as a communication strategy – a strategy which has proven to be a total game changer for Garrett and their marriage.

Garrett: Seventeen times we went out for ice cream until you decided you couldn't handle it anymore. I played the "I don't give a fuck" game, you came after me, our lips brushed, then you landed one on me. I had a pattern of burning relationships with girls very quickly, like within two weeks. But with you, I really wanted to kiss you, I really wanted to have sex with you, and I still want to have sex with you all the time.
Danielle: We were laying in your bed. After a two-hour shoulder massage, I knew I had to be classy and not just go in for the kill. You lined your face up with mine, your lips were nuzzling mine, and I remember thinking, "I don't know what this is but I better go in."

QUESTION

What is the memory of your first kiss with your spouse or partner?

Point #2: The Triangle

Garrett: The triangle is one of the natural things Danielle does when it comes to putting herself in another person's shoes. When tensions are high, when there's a lot on the line, and when shit is spicy, Danielle has the ability to diffuse the situation. She did this for a decade or longer before I was able to.
Danielle: When I find myself getting emotionally riled up, I don't like being in that space, so I place myself in the other person's shoes. I try to envision it from their perspective, which helps me calm down. I may not agree with them, but it helps me understand why they're acting the way they are, and why I'm being triggered by them.

QUESTION

What happens in your conversations when you put yourself in another's shoes?

Point #3: Crucial Conversations

Garrett: The first step in having crucial conversations is to get clear about what Iwant from the conversation. The next step is, what do I want for my wife in this situation? And then the third, what do I want for us as a couple in this situation?
As I answered these questions, it gave me clear distinctions and actions that would force me to not be right, and force me to let go of things. For ten years, I fought to be right, over getting what I wanted

QUESTION

Where in your world are you not clear about what you want? How is this affecting the actions you're taking inside of your relationship?

Point #4: What Does My Partner Want?

Garrett: I used to think, "What the fuck is wrong with you, Danielle? Why aren't we having sex?" I wasn't holding a safe space for Danielle. The safe space is a place you hold for another person for safe dialogue, where you just let them talk. I couldn't hold open that space at all, especially with Danielle, particularly when I was feeling triggered sexually. I would become this crazy person. I would get clear about what I wanted but I had no concern for what she wanted
Danielle: I think that guys have this belief that because they're providing, their wives should naturally want to have sex. As women, yes, it's great that you're providing for us, but we want you to want to spend time with us. Guys want action and sex, women want guys to want to hang out with them without the pressure of having sex.

QUESTION

What are you doing to provide and hold space for your spouse?

Point #5: Groping vs Seducing

Garrett: I got to this place where I wanted Danielle to feel wanted, and part of that included seducing her, not just touching her all the time. It became more and more natural for me to help her get what she wanted, knowing that in helping her get what she wanted, would get me what I wanted as well.
Danielle: In that space, it was interesting. You'd want to come spend time with me, but the only way I can describe it is that you were groping me. You had your hand planted on my ass and were literally all over me. I would get triggered and annoyed, which would lead to you shutting down. I just needed a safe space where I could enjoy the time with you while getting warmed up.

QUESTION

How does this resonate with you?

Communication Challenge:

Your final challenge inside of this week's show is this: Sit down and have a conversation and ask yourselves these three questions: What do I want for myself in this situation? What do I want for my partner or my spouse in this situation? What do I want for us as a couple?

Note: Keep in mind that it might be a little emotionally triggering for both of you. This is a good time to practice the art of holding space for each other.

Date Night Topic:

Take a trip down memory lane: How and where did you meet?

Quote of the Week:

"I think what you're going to find once you get clear is that there's a lot of shit you're doing that will not get you what you want. It makes it easy to shift gears and to say I'm not going to do these things anymore, and instead I'm going to do these things because these are the things that will get me what I want."

—Garrett J White

"Garrett's always a good surprise. If you're bored or safe, that's not necessarily a good place to be in a marriage. I feel if you're in maintenance mode, you're stagnant and digressing."

—Danielle K White

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