Date Your Wife

Latest Episodes:

Easier To Be a King in Business Than at Home | Date Your Wife | Ep 086 Aug 27, 2019

Show notes

The topic of money is this week's conversation inside of the Date Your Wife podcast. The unique dynamics inside of a marriage relationship create a very difficult game for many couples when it comes to the sticky topic of money. *EPISODE REPLAY FROM SEP 2018*

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Every week married couple Danielle and Garrett J White share insights and perspectives from within their own lives regarding the following topics discussed each month: Week 1: Sex Week 2: Money Week 3: Parenting Week 4: Communication In This Week's Podcast….MONEY Point #1: Catch-22

Back in the day, Danielle hated Garrett because he was working so much. But she didn't hate the business because that's what was paying the bills. "I got to this place where I felt Garrett loved the business more than he loved me."
Garrett: Men can control what happens in business more than they can control what happens at home. It's easier to be the King in business than it is to be the King at home.

QUESTION

Gentlemen, have you lost your crown? What are you going to do to get it back?

Point #2: Split in Two

Many women who out-produce their husbands are in this space of: How do I deal with my husband who is not being the man? I'm dominating him in business and trying to decide if I should get a divorce.
Garrett: When a man allows his wife to split the bills, it splits his power and creates a bit of submission in a weird way. Men, at the primal level, must be okay with the stewardship and responsibility of "I must pay the bills independent of my wife."

QUESTION

How do you as a couple feel about this?

Point #3: Wake-Up Call

At one point in their marriage, Danielle hid how much money she was making. She split up her bank accounts to create a safety net for herself because she wasn't sure if their marriage was going to work out.
When she got triggered about something, she revealed to Garrett that she had made $30k the previous month which served as a wake-up call in the form of a big two by four straight into his balls.

QUESTION

Ladies, why do you hide your money from your husband?

Point #4: Show Me the Money, Honey

There's an artist inside Danielle's Big Money Stylist network who is outproducing her husband in a massive way. "I love my husband and I want to be more sexual, but I'm just not attracted to him."
Garrett: This is a sticky situation, and there's not a simple one-cut solution. When Danielle was making more money, her tolerance of behavior by me went down, and her desire to connect with me sexually also went down.

QUESTION

How is this dynamic affecting your marriage?

Point #5: Friday Night Fights

A recent fight between Danielle and Garrett would have been the end of their marriage a few years ago. But this time it compelled them and opened them up.
Danielle: When your foundation is rocky and an explosion happens, it's hard to build that back up. Now, we can have a fight and come back and talk about it because our foundation is more solid.

QUESTION

What condition is the foundation of your marriage in?

Communication Challenge:

Gentlemen, I want you to have a conversation with your wife about the dynamics of money. What is the connection to the attraction for you and the money you're making or the lack of money you're making?

If you're a man and not paying the bills, have that conversation with your wife and just see where it takes you. If you can get her to be honest with you, it may be the prompting that you need to ultimately rise.

Date Night Topic:

Have a conversation about what you can do to create a stronger foundation inside of your relationship. What does that look like for both of you?

Quote of the Week:

"There are very few men on this planet who are actually ok with their wives out-fucking producing them. The girl owns the money card AND the vagina card. She owns the victory, the gina, and the money."

–Garrett J White

"When you weren't my money, you weren't my honey. When I hold all the control, there's no chemistry."

–Danielle K White

dkwstyling.com betheman.com

Direct Communication | Date Your Wife | EP 085 Aug 20, 2019

Show notes

Married co-hosts, Danielle K and Garrett J White, share their experiences as they do their best to navigate their way through this life. This week, the topic of conversation is Communication. *EPISODE REPLAY FROM OCTOBER 2018*

Danielle attributes her direct communication to the fact that she's a Taurus. "They're actually sweet people, but if you set them off, you better get out of the fucking way."
In marriage, she believes you have to use tact when you communicate with your partner. She usually runs questionable things through the 'dating filter' before she sends them to Garrett: "If we were dating, would I say this?"

QUESTION

How often do you find yourself running your communication through filters?

Point #2: Don't Poke the Bear

Garret: Once Danielle is face down in the pillow, and the dog is curled up at her feet, I am now encroaching into the evil lair of insanity. I go about my evening routine knowing that Danielle is in comatose mode.
Danielle: Do you want to make love to your whiteboards, or do you want to make love to me? Just give me a little squeeze. If I respond, you're in luck; if I say nothing, you're shit out of luck.

QUESTION

What non-verbal signals and signs do you give to each other?

Point #3: Feeling Wanted

Garrett: There was a time I was unable to acknowledge to myself nor have a conversation with Danielle about the fact that sex was important to me. I was always indirect and hoping things would work out instead of directionally speaking to them. It was the same with my businesses.
Danielle: I started to understand that in order to get what I wanted, we both had to feel wanted. Girls like and want sex, but I think it's more of being wanted, and having that attention and validation that my man is into me.

QUESTION

How do you make sure your partner feels wanted by you?

Point #4: Direct Communication

Garrett: Part of the conversation in our home is that we talk directly with each other, as well as in front of our children. Our kids have very strong opinions about things, and they use very powerful language.
I used to steer clear of direct communication in our marriage, particularly on the topic of sex, because I just did not know how to get over my story of feeling rejected and my pain of feeling so.

QUESTION

In what areas of your life do you have a challenge with direct communication?

Point #5: Running Man

Garrett: I had given myself permission for a very long time to allow our relationship to be on eggshells, mostly because I literally couldn't commit to much and I was always in a place where I was ready to bail.
About two years ago, a shift took place inside of Garrett causing the back door to completely disappear. Danielle noticed huge results after Garrett finally gave himself permission to commit and go all in.

QUESTION

What level of commitment do you have inside your marriage?

Communication Challenge:

Inside of your relationship, where are you avoiding direct conversations? How is this impacting your marriage?

Date Night Topic:

Have a conversation about this topic: In order to get what I want, we both have to feel wanted.

Quote of the Week:

"Commitment itself is the bridge or gateway to actual direct communication. If you're not committed to your marriage, or to the person you're married to, direct communication cannot happen."

–Garrett J White

"As we set our relationship up for success, it impacts so many other areas of our life, including the example we set for our children."

–Danielle K White

Go In With Love | Date Your Wife | EP 084 Aug 13, 2019

Show notes

Garrett describes their eleven-year-old daughter as a morning psychopath. She sets her alarm to go off up to nine times every morning just so she can wake up and get out of bed.
Their seven-year-old daughter is very much into routines. It's almost as if she goes into auto-pilot in the morning and is good to go as long as everything is set up perfectly for her in advance.

QUESTION

How are your children similar? How are they different?

Point #2: Unsolicited Advice

Garrett is very committed as a parent to teaching the 'right' thing to his children. He's had people reach out to him offering unsolicited advice about their parenting styles.
Danielle: Everybody is super judgy about parenting styles, and at some level, every parent feels like they have fucked up their kids.

QUESTION

How do you handle unsolicited advice when it comes your way?

Point #3: I Love You No Matter What

If Danielle had to choose only one thing to teach their children, it would be accountability coupled with love. "If you could embed accountability and love into a kid, I think that would solve the world's problems."
Years ago, Garrett began telling his daughters, "I love you, no matter what." No matter what they do or say, he told them he will always love them.

QUESTION

If, as a parent, you could only teach your children one thing, what would that be?

Point #4: Boxes and Checklists

Just like in education, there's a box that people try to put their kids into of 'this is what it looks like to be successful." And anything that doesn't fit inside that box, they consider inaccurate or not right.
For most parents, they're always trying to get it "right" with their children, so they always feel guilty. And because they never get it 'right' based on a checklist that never ends, they don't focus on the actual belief systems they want to instill in their children.

QUESTION

How are you keeping your children inside a box?

Point #5: Core Beliefs

Garrett: You can teach your kids all kinds of tactics, but what are the important mindsets and skillsets that you 'should' teach your children? There are plenty of people who know how to do the dishes, yet are unable to produce in life.
I'm convinced that what people actually learn as children and what they take into their adult life is driven by the values and beliefs their parents instill in them, both by what they say and by what they watch their parents do.

QUESTION

What are the core beliefs that you are brainwashing your kids to believe that are empowering them as people?

Communication Challenge:

What are the actual belief systems that matter to you, and that you are instilling in your children? What are the beliefs about themselves and the world that you are consciously depositing into them?

Date Night Topic:

On your next Date Night, have a conversation about how you want your children to remember your interaction and love connection as a couple.

Quote of the Week:

"I was blown away when I got married at how horrifically unprepared I was to be a married man."

–Garrett J White

"She's not mine to manipulate and control. I'm there to guide and lead her; to show up and do the best I can as a parent."

–Danielle K White

Slip 'N Slide | Date Your Wife | Ep 083 Aug 06, 2019

Show notes

Grab some popcorn, folks, and get ready for another off the charts episode of the always spicy and highly entertaining Date Your Wife podcast, featuring the refreshing "tell it like it is" co-hosts, Garrett J and Danielle K White. They're at it once again as they delve into Garrett's self-proclaimed favorite topic of Sex. Danielle calls Garrett out on his creepy strip shows in his weird thong and invites him to become more comfortable with his sexuality, and Garrett says he doesn't want empty sex – aka vaginal masturbation. Fan favorites Quickie Quickie Porn Star and TTF are back in the mix, and there's a new arrival on the scene: Slip 'n Slide. *EPISODE REPLAY FROM MARCH OF 2018.

Being sexy is as simple as walking around in a new bra and underwear while casually asking, "Have you seen my toothbrush?" Garrett suggests saving money by skipping the bra and just buying the panties. Sometimes it's a 'top-stays-on-bottom-comes-off' kind of night. Other times, it's an everything comes off, keep the lights on and do a little dancing around kind of night.
Most women need a little wining and dining before the main course. Take her there just a little bit and then worry about yourself.

QUESTION

How have QQPS (Quickie Quickie Porn Star) and TTF (Touch Me-Tell Me-Fuck Me) become game-changers in your marital sex life?

Point #2: Sex Therapy Is Not About Sex

Throughout their marriage, Danielle had never felt there was a safe space to talk about sex with Garrett, making it awkward for her to even bring up. She found herself starting to believe his story about her that she didn't want to have sex.
Sex therapy for the White's yields the single greatest breakthrough for Garrett after Danielle divulges a piece of information that instantly shreds a story he created during his first marriage and brought with him into theirs. Garrett creates a new story which shifts and rocks their world.

QUESTION

Men: What is your sexual story?

Point #3: The Perfect Storm

As a 15-year-old Mormon teen who has been raised that sex before marriage is taboo, Garrett divulged to his parents his plan to have sex with his 18-year-old girlfriend after the upcoming Prom. He immediately gets shipped away to live with his grandparents in Utah for a couple of months, and as a result, never has a conversation about it or closure with his girlfriend whom he has been dating for a year and is madly in love with.
Garrett dates his first wife under the umbrella that says sexual relations are taboo before marriage. Yet, they fool around and have sexual relations, lie about it to their religious leaders, adding to the guilt and shame created when he was 15. Sex in his marriage with Danielle becomes problematic, as Garrett carries into it this brewing cesspool of guilt, shame, and pain, while Danielle, because of her Mormon upbringing, feels like she has to stifle the sexual feelings that come naturally to her.

QUESTION

How has your upbringing shaped and influenced your attitude, beliefs, and stories about sex?

Point #4: Written in the Stars

In her astrological studies, Danielle is validated by her discoveries that, as a Taurus woman, she is very sensual, loves cuddling, and is very happily satisfied with her traditional approach to sex because a good thing never gets old. She's been changing it up with QQPS, which Garrett loves.
Communication for Gemini's is huge, and they love to be emotionally stimulated more than anything else. Garrett realized that he had gotten so disrespectful as a husband and exposes the lie that all he wanted was someone to have sex with every day. What has exploded their sex life is their connection to truth.

QUESTION

What is written in the stars about you individually that resonates with you, that can serve you and your spouse in your marriage?

Point #5: Your Story is Your Biggest Problem

Garrett: I didn't know what our relationship would be if we weren't always arguing about having sex. Danielle: I was fearful and wondering if we have a new story, does that mean we have a new story with somebody else?
There was a lot of action and collision that had to happen, which were really a pursuit of truth underneath the surface of all the lies that we were telling, which came in two forms: the blatant lies we were telling and the stories that we started to believe. Your stories are powerful enough to convert your husband or wife to believe.

QUESTION

What are the lies that the collision in your marriage is trying to uncover?

Communication Challenge:

What is your sexual story? Do the investigation on your own about your own story, and then in a conversation with your spouse, share your results with them.

Date Night Topic:

On your date night, be open to having a conversation about how the stories you tell are your biggest problems.

Quote of the Week:

"We had come to the point where our stories had become so intense that it was almost easier for us to burn the story and burn the relationship…and just try again with somebody else. But the crazy part was, guess what we would have taken with us? The same fuckin story."

—Garrett J White

"I bet a lot of men feel like that towards their wives [I need a vagina. We're married. Your vagina is mine.] It devalues the actual qualities that they want and need to create fulfillment, and it devalues those qualities in themselves. They start looking at and treating their wives as objects. I felt that way and was thinking 'you better give me more credit than just being a good piece of ass."

—Danielle K White

Addicted to Growth | Date Your Wife | Ep 082 Jul 30, 2019

Show notes

*PODCAST REPLAY* Today we're going to share with you an intense, potent and powerful interview with Danielle at the Warrior Empire event in December 2016. It was the first time Danielle took to the stage where she talked about what it's like to be a woman married to a man living the Warrior's Way.

In the beginning, Danielle was completely against how Garrett was showing up. He was going to self-help seminars and making her feel guilty for not going with him. He continued challenging her, which caused her to reevaluate who she was and who she wanted to become.
Danielle: Put yourself in your wife's shoes. If she started implementing change, how would you react? People, in general, don't like change because it's scary. From a wife's perspective, you can't overwhelm her, but rather lead by example in the same way you would lead children.

QUESTION

Gentlemen, what is the way you initiate growth and change in your partner?

Point #2: Choosing In

There came a time when Danielle had to choose to be all in for herself AND their marriage. Garrett was moving in the direction he was going, and he was committed over time to a specific path. At the same time, they were trying to recover from chaos as a couple.
Danielle: I felt that both of us were fighting and neither of us was ready to give up. We were both not necessarily choosing in, but we weren't out and were still very much connected. All it takes is that little piece of connection to rekindle and to rebuild.

QUESTION

How can you "choose in" to your marriage everyday to keep the flame burning or to rekindle a fading flame?

Point #3: Sex and Marriage

It's all about give and take. You have to play the role a little bit and let go of your ego. In order to build that sexual chemistry that seems to leave after you get married, think about the feeling you had when you were dating and do what you did back then: you got your car washed, you got a new pair of shoes, you planned the date, you were flirty.
How did sex therapy help us? I felt like I could say what I was thinking without worrying about upsetting Garrett. Having a therapist is like having a sounding board where it's immediately less triggering for both sides. That being said, Garrett got triggered at one point during a session and jumped up and did pushups because he was so pissed.

QUESTION

What do you do to keep the sexual chemistry strong in your relationship?

Point #4: Collision

Danielle: Whether the wife works or not, when couples grow, the wife goes into this "I can do everything" mode where it seems kind of masculine. It's actually more cold and calculated where we don't come across as very feminine, but instead, we're in focus mode trying to get shit done.
Garrett: Gentlemen, the more you encourage your wife to change, the more she will rise in power, and the more collisions are going to take place. As Danielle has risen in power as a creator and a producer, her masculinity has also risen, so there's this collision that exists inside of her. Sometimes the collision we experience is not as lovers or as a couple, but instead as two masculine energies colliding.

QUESTION

What happens when you collide with your spouse?

Point #5: Living the Warrior's Way

Danielle: I'm addicted to the high of growing where it makes me feel like comfortable is no longer an option. Progressing as a person is now a high for me. How can I stay where I am when the sky's the limit? Where things were once scary and chaotic in our life and relationship, we're now in a much healthier space.
I look at where we are now and the only thing I feel is gratitude, humility, and excitement. If this has happened in the last five years, what's going to happen in the next five years? I get glimpses of the future sometimes and I'm like, "Oh shit, that's so cool!"

QUESTION

How have you and your spouse changed as a direct result of living the Warrior's Way?

Communication Challenge:

Take some time to have a conversation around this idea of collision. How can you use this tool to better serve your relationship?

Date Night Topic:

On your next Date Night, take a trip down memory lane and talk about what you both used to do in the early days of your dating and start implementing those things to rekindle and ignite the flame of sexual chemistry between you.

Quote of the Week:

"Once men experience Warrior, they become more invested in their children, which produces a new kind of chaos while they figure out how to balance this with their role as a husband, and as a hunter and provider."

—Garrett J White

"No matter who you're with, you're going to have problems. With Garrett and I, it made more sense to rebuild our relationship than to burn it to the ground."

—Danielle K White

Cross the Line | Date Your Wife | Ep 081 Jul 23, 2019

Show notes

Being married can be a complete shit show AND amazing... all at the same time! While most marriages end up in sedation, disconnection and/or divorce, Garrett and Danielle have committed to creating something a little bit better than that and a bit more fun. Join them in this week's podcast that doubles as their very own therapy session as they engage in a conversation about the all-important topic of communication. * This is an encore presentation of a previously aired episode from May 2018.

You can be comfortable with somebody and respect them, and maybe you don't fight, and things are generally good, but there's no spark. Your idea of a night out is coming home from a long day at work, throwing on your sweats and watching Netflix together…and then you wonder what happened to that spark you used to feel.
Date Night is one of the ways the sparks continue to fly between Danielle and Garrett. Danielle loves getting all dressed up for Date Night and treats it like an actual date like she did during their pre-marriage days. She inspired Garrett to level up his game from his go-to flannel shirt to his now custom-tailored design jackets.

QUESTION

When was the last time the two of you dressed up and stepped out on the town together? How did it make you feel?

Point #2: Sugar 'n Spice

Garrett: Inside the communication game, people sometimes think that it's the spice they're trying to get rid of. When I define spice, I'm talking about arguments, disagreements, giggling, laughing, joking, having fun, getting angry at each other, fighting, battling, debating, having crucial conversations – it's everything!
Danielle: There's a lot of spice in our marriage, and we collide a lot with our personalities – both in good ways and in ways where we piss each other off. Spice, for me, is "I fucking hate you," which turns into "I fucking love you."

QUESTION

How do you keep your marriage fresh and spicy?

Point #3: Love Notes

Making daily deposits into your family's life is part of living the Warrior's Way, which is part of something called the CORE 4. Men typically don't know how to communicate their feelings and don't send love messages to their wives, which Garrett believes many women would love receiving from their husbands.
While Danielle acknowledges the daily texts from Garrett, her love language is found more in spending quality time together with him, like doing these podcasts or going on Date Nights. She sends texts of encouragement when she senses he's having a stressful day, which messages Garrett loves receiving as part of his love language.

QUESTION

What are your thoughts about giving or receiving love notes?

Point #4: Give and Take

Garrett: In my world, I had to learn that it was ok to buy my wife shit. It was a very hard thing for me, and I questioned how buying gifts for her made me more valuable as a husband.
Danielle: Because I can buy my own things, I felt like I had to submit and let Garrett buy me gifts, which is one of my love languages. I wanted him to be the man, yet at first, I wasn't allowing space for him to do that.

QUESTION

Why are you stopping your spouse from giving you what you say you want to receive from them?

Point #5: Dance With Me

Garrett: As you can tell, we're still working on this, which is the ability actually to communicate with and understand the language of our partner.
Inside of that, we get to choose to do two things: 1- appreciate the love language they receive in, and 2-learn to give the love language that the people we're married to want to receive.

QUESTION

What does your daily dance of communication look like?

Communication Challenge:

Danielle: Garrett needs to be told, "I love you," but my communication style is different. How about you? Is your communication style verbal or silent? What about your spouse's? Do you think one is wrong and one is right?

Date Night Topic:

For women, what is your husband's love language, and how can you cross the line a little bit for him? For men, how can you cross the line a little bit for your wife?

Quote of the Week:

"I'm essentially making love to the ocean because she accepts me every morning."

—Garrett J White

"We'll argue about a topic, and one of us has to reach over to the other side and reciprocate eventually. You have to cross the line in order to make it a little more peaceful in your home."

—Danielle K White

Baby Isla | Date Your Wife | EP 080 Jul 16, 2019

Show notes

Welcome to a brand new episode of the Date Your Wife Podcast! The White's are back after the recent birth of baby Isla, and in classic White style, share stories and details of their birth experience. As a bonus, we get a recommendation from Garrett for his new favorite breakfast burrito and a surprise prediction.

Every week, married couple Danielle and Garrett J White share insights and perspectives from within their own lives regarding the following topics discussed each month: Week 1: Sex Week 2: Money Week 3: Parenting Week 4: Communication In This Week's Podcast….PARENTING Point #1: Change of Plans

In the final weeks leading up to baby Isla's birth, Danielle began experiencing some health issues, which ultimately led to an early inducement and delivery. "I always had this intuitive feeling that she would come a little early."
Danielle had considered doing a natural birth due to the not so great experiences with epidurals during her previous two births. But with the Pitocin speeding up and magnifying the contractions, she opted for an epidural at the eleventh hour. However, it only reached mid-thigh, which made it possible for Danielle to feel the intense pain and ebb & flow of each contraction.

QUESTION

What types of births have you and your spouse experienced?

Point #2: ISLA Hand-tied Hairline

With 48 hours to come up with a name for her new hand-tied hairline, Danielle decided to name it after their daughter, Isla. "Most people think we named the baby after the hairline, but it was the other way around."
"It was so ironic that Isla came out with this super amazing hair that's super thick, platinum blonde. It's so cute! She's so teeny and has the full head of hair!"

QUESTION

Were your babies born with or without hair?

Point #3: Skin-to-Skin

Garrett is celebrating the fact that he did not pass out as he did with their second baby. "I stood there like a champion holding Danielle's left leg throughout labor. She didn't even know I was in the room, yet there I was holding the left leg amidst the most intense, fierce pushing I have seen from my wife."
"Watching my wife naturally go through contractions was a new experience for me, not to mention the experience immediately following the birth. Instead of the nurses whisking Isla away, the doctor held Isla in front of me and said, "Congratulations, dad. kiss her. He then placed Isla on Danielle's bare chest."

QUESTION

What has changed with the births of each of your babies?

Point #4: Grand Production

Danielle is recovering really well and has to remind herself to take it easy. "I love the newborn, snuggly phase, but I also love staying busy and active. I'm trying to soak it all in because I know how fast it goes."
It's been eight years since their last birth and one of the things Danielle had forgotten about which is causing some frustration is how long it takes to get out of the house with a newborn, and how big of a production it is.

QUESTION

What is your favorite "baby stage?"

Point #5: Another Baby in the Forecast?

When asked by Garrett if there was another baby in their future, Danielle replied, "I don't want to commit. Don't get snipped on me or anything, but I can't commit to closing the door AND I can't commit to having another baby either."
Garrett: Before Baby Isla came out, Danielle said, "I'm done." But mark my words. By the time Isla is about six years old, Danielle's going to want a secondary friend for Isla. My prediction is, Danielle has another baby at age 40."

QUESTION

When did you know it was time to have another baby or when it was time to stop?

Communication Challenge:

Have a conversation about the different types of birth options available.

Date Night Topic:

"To have more or not to have more, that is the question." In a twist from a classic Shakespearian line, what are your thoughts about adding family members? How do you come to an agreement?

Quote of the Week:

"To sit and look at my daughter on my wife's chest was amazing! And getting to kiss her right away was amazing! It was so much more intimate, so much more spiritual, so much more connected than any of the other three children's births."

–Garrett J White

"I don't commit to a lot because once I do, I'm 120% in; this WILL go down. When I commit, I know I'm going to follow through 100%."

—Danielle K White

Stay In Your Lane | Date Your Wife | EP 079 Jul 09, 2019

Show notes

Communication is the topic in this week's Date Your Wife episode where Danielle and Garrett discuss growth, conflict & collision, and how we all take on different characters and play different roles in our relationships.

Danielle is the owner of DKW Styling Salon and has created a hair extension system called Natural Beaded Rows. She and her team are basking in the afterglow of their most recent three-day convention, where they hosted 350 students eager to learn Danielle's system.
Garrett: A comment came in from an associate of ours who was at the convention. "You know, Danielle is like a gremlin – cuddly, nice, sweet, and fun. And when you pour a little water on it and out comes the beast. I watched Danielle speak and train as I have never before seen her. Her Gremlin was activated."

QUESTION

What causes the Gremlin in you to activate?

Point #2: Characters & Roles

Garrett: As human beings, we take on many different roles and characters. Inside of marriage, we are required to create and master a diverse number of them.
Danielle: In business, a true professional knows when to use each character in the different roles they are required to take on. As women, we have to know when to wear the work hat, when to wear the mom hat, and when to wear the wife and lover hat.

QUESTION

What are the different characters and roles you take on in your marriage?

Point #3: Growing At Different Speeds

Danielle: When we lost everything, and Garrett was trying to discover himself, I was always telling him, "just figure it out." He would want to share and connect with me, and when I didn't want to, he felt I wasn't growing. I decided I wasn't going to worry about what Garrett was doing, but instead, work on myself and stay in my own lane.
Garrett: We grow at different speeds and at different times. This changes our roles and makes communication difficult. The challenge becomes staying in your own lane. When you're trying to communicate, and you're both in two totally different places, it can be challenging.

QUESTION

How do you handle growing at different speeds within your marriage?

Point #4: Choice vs Force

Garrett: I got to the point where my power and my path were going to be about choosing me and choosing the path that I wanted -and inviting Danielle to come along with me. "This is where I'm going. I would like you to come with me, but if you don't want to come, that's okay, I'm still going to go." The more I took that stand, the better our communication became inside of our relationship.
Danielle: I felt so much better when it became more about me getting to choose rather than feeling like you were forcing or dragging me. If you go to an event that's all about self-help or self-awareness, you don't want to come home to your spouse and say, "By the way, you're broken, and you should probably come with me and get fixed."

QUESTION

Are you more likely to force or to encourage choice in your relationships?

Point #5: The Control Factor

Garrett: I'll have you consider that the worst thing that could ever exist inside of a relationship is where there is no collision in communication. Collision must happen, and inside of that, control must, at times, be surrendered.
Danielle: To ultimately get what you want, you have to choose your battles. Sometimes when we're fighting, and realize we're on the same team, we let it go, calm it down, and then revisit that conversation at a later time.

QUESTION

How do you handle collision in your relationship?

Communication Challenge:

How do you handle and resolve conflict in your marriage?

Date Night Topic:

What are you committed to as a couple in the area of growth?

Quote of the Week:

"When you're growing, and your partner may not be growing at the same speed, you have to stay committed to what you want, move forward, and invite them into the picture."

—Garrett J White

"Learn how to communicate with your partner in that safe zone."

—Danielle K White

Owning Who & Where You Are | Date Your Wife | EP 078 Jul 02, 2019

Show notes

In this new and refreshing episode of the "Podcast by the Pool" aka the Date Your Wife podcast, today's topic comes as a result of a recent comment posted in response to a marketing piece on Garrett's social media and sparks an important conversation about taking ownership of where you are in life…no matter where that is. We also get a little pregnancy update as the White's enter the final stretch. To see what Garrett and Danielle are up to professionally, be sure to check out dkwstyling.com or betheman.com.

A recent comment on Garrett's social media prompted today's topic of serving and playing at your level, no matter what it is, and not be ashamed of where you're at, regardless of where that is. You see people with money trying to hide and play humble, and then you have others who don't have things on lockdown but pretend that they do. It's the inability to own where you are at any given time.
Garrett: Look at the crazy dynamic of this. In your relationship, you're not where you want to be, so you lie to everyone about where you are, pretending you're something you 're not. Then, you get somewhere that's legit, and you feel weird about being there, so you lie about where you are and try to downplay it.

QUESTION

Where in your world do you pretend to be something or someone you're not?

Point #2: Lambo Be Gone

Garrett has had conversations with about five businessmen who have bought a Lamborghini because it's always been something they've wanted. But once they had it, they felt so uncomfortable about what people were saying to them and the attention they were drawing that they ended up selling their car.
Garrett: So you get to a place where you've created the success and produced something inside of your world, but then you start apologizing for it. You're at the bottom and trying to up-play; you're at the top and trying to downplay. When the fuck are you going to accept who you are?

QUESTION

As you look inside your world, where do you tend to make decisions based on other people's opinions about you rather than having confidence in your own choices?

Point #3: Just the Facts

The White's have experienced both ends of the spectrum, both in their finances and in their marriage. Inside of being at the bottom end of the spectrum, it's difficult to own where you are and to be honest about it.
Garrett: Your greatest access to power inside of yourself and inside of marriage is to actually be honest about where you are. But the vast majority of society right now is filled with this idea that you can't be ok with where you are, and that you have to constantly pose yourself to be something that you're not.

QUESTION

When is the last time you were truly honest about the facts of your life?

Point #4: Sexual Desert

Garrett: At 43, I'm at a different level. I'm more mature and I've learned to deal with myself in a totally different way than the previous pregnancies. But…I'm getting a little nervous. We've created a new routine that is obviously warranted because of the baby, but I get nervous as a guy. What if it (our sexual life) never comes back?
Danielle: Pregnancy and sex are awkward for both the guys and the girls. When you're pregnant, you literally have another human growing inside of you and you're kind of operating at 65% capacity. You're trying to be sexy, but everything is more awkward. I'm not really concerned about the next chapter once I've recovered and healed…and I'm excited to be back to myself again!

QUESTION

How have you and your spouse handled the 'sexual desert' during pregnancies?

Point #5: Taking Risks

Garrett: There's a piece inside all of us that has to make a decision, and it's a decision that has to be made every day – several times a day. It's a decision to rise and to build. But most individuals and couples aren't willing to take the risks necessary. You've got to be willing to take a risk. And the first risk you've got to take is being honest with yourself.
Danielle: You have to get a little uncomfortable. You have to be willing to change or do something different. And some of those things might not be for you but for your man – and he's going to have to cross the table and do the same thing for you. It might not be something you normally would do but ultimately, it will serve you both and strengthen your relationship.

QUESTION

When was the last time you took a risk as both an individual and as a couple?

Communication Challenge:

Have a conversation about taking risks and what that looks like for you inside your marriage.

Date Night Topic:

How to navigate the Sexual Desert during pregnancy is this week's Date Night topic. Bounce ideas off each other and truly get honest with how you each feel.

Quote of the Week:

"If a couple doesn't get divorced legally, there's a separation and divorce that has to happen spiritually with people as they start to shift and change. Your marriage – the way it is – has to die in order for it to become the marriage you want it to be."

—Garrett J White

"Who's the poser? Is it the person down-playing or the person up-playing? Is it the person pretending to have what they don't have, or the person with a shit ton of money pretending that they don't?"

—Danielle K White

Money Matters | Date Your Wife | EP 077 Jun 25, 2019

Show notes

Today's conversation with Garrett and Danielle is about the topic of Money and the important role it plays in your relationship. *This is a previously aired episode from April 2018.

When you make enough money to put your family into abundance, there's a shift in the way that you see yourself as a man and a shift in the way you see your relationship. It also affects the way your wife sees you.
Generally, women want to be taken care of. Even if we can produce, we still want our man to 'be the man' and take care of us. A man is sexier to a woman when he's the one producing.

QUESTION

Does this ring true for you as a couple?

Point #2: Money is a Tool

Garrett: Inside of our relationships, money sits at the core. It allows you to do so much shit as a couple or it constrains you to do so much shit as a couple. We have friends who celebrate their success and use it as a tool to inspire other people to create more, and then we have other friends who simply hide it all and pretend like they're broke.
Danielle: There was a period of about five years where we were experiencing rapid growth and we disconnected ourselves from people. I had surface relationships and felt like I was kind of guarding myself. What I've come to realize now is that I can have relationships with everyone – it's just a matter of me being comfortable with me.

QUESTION

Are you living in a scarcity mindset while being surrounded by your wealth?

Point #3: You Must Leap

In 2009 after I had lost everything, I was offered a job from a friend at a very crucial time for me when I didn't have a lot of belief in myself. I was terrified as a husband and as a producer and had lost all confidence in myself. There came a pivotal moment when I realized my life was in the balance and something in my soul said, "You must fucking leap!"
Danielle: When we were dating, I saw Garrett for who he was and who he could become. I knew there were great things in store for him. So when I saw him selling out, I was so upset because I knew what he was capable of doing and becoming so much more.

QUESTION

Where in your life have you settled?

Point #4: Don't Settle

Garrett: One of the greatest gifts my wife has given to me about money is that she rode my ass about it. My wife helped me see that being driven by the money is not about being driven by the money. As you get better and better at making money as a man inside of marriage, inside of that place it forces you to become a new man.
Danielle: I think that people play it safe in life in fear of failure. If I leap and I fall on my face, then there are consequences; but if I just stay in the safe zone, then I can just ride this out forever. If you're listening to this and you're feeling a stab in the heart to take action in your life, do it.

QUESTION

Where in your life are you feeling the call to take a leap of faith?

Point #5: Team Work

Garrett: There are a lot of you here who need to rise. Danielle and I work as a team to push each other. There are times she wants to settle into her little comfortable cocoon and then I kick her straight out of the cocoon, I rip it open and throw her off the cliff. And she does the same for me.
Danielle: You can produce way more as a couple if you can get on the same page of experiencing more growth together. If you can take those experiences of who you are as a couple and make them work, two is better than one, at least in my experience for us. We push each other in that way.

QUESTION

What is your dance as a couple in the way you support each other's growth?

Communication Challenge:

Have a conversation as a couple and allow yourself to collide and dream. Sit down and set a target of a game that you could create together. Who can you become as a couple economically? Who can you become as a producer individually or collectively? What would it require for you to become to pull that off?

Date Night Topic:

Give yourself some credit for where you are. Challenge yourself on your Date Night to have a conversation about possibility or collision. Either one of these paths will lead you to a new position and possibility inside of your life.

Quote of the Week:

"My money is a reflection of my ability to produce and create value in the marketplace. So I produce and I create more not for the target of having money, but rather we are in this place of a desire to become more, and inside of that we use money production as a way to accelerate that."

—Garrett J White

"Be you at every level."

—Danielle K White

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