Date Your Wife

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Karmic Loop | Date Your Wife | EP 105 Jan 14, 2020

Show notes

*Episode Replay from September of 2019.* The White's are back and on fire in this new episode of the Date Your Wife podcast. Inarguably one of their spicier therapy sessions yet, in addition to today's theme of the Karmic Loop, Garrett & Danielle delve into the topics of parenting, fitness, dating, the art of seduction, sex, and have a candid conversation about the loop Garrett has been stuck in for the past two weeks.

Click here to watch this episode on YouTube

Every week married couple Danielle and Garrett J White share insights and perspectives from within their own lives regarding the following topics discussed each month: Week 1: Sex Week 2: Money Week 3: Parenting Week 4: Communication In This Week's Podcast…. Communication Point #1: The Hamster Wheel

When artists inside of Danielle's programs tell her they don't have time to do the work required to make the changes they want to see inside of their business and life, she describes that as being on a hamster wheel.
"You say you don't have time and you're extremely tired…but you're not actually going anywhere, you're literally just looping and looping. You can't afford NOT to have time. When people say they don't have enough time, it gives them an excuse not to try something new."

QUESTION

Where in your world are you making excuses instead of making time?

Point #2: False Lift

When you're going along in life, and you suddenly get triggered about something, you begin to drift into a series of feelings of anger, blame, guilt, and shame, aka the Pit. Once inside the Pit, you want to fix things, but you're not sure how.
You begin thinking, "If only I could go back to how things were before." As you fall and drift down from the peak to the Pit, you find yourself inside a false lift that takes you back to the peak where you were before…but no change has actually taken place, and nothing is ever fixed.

QUESTION

What area of your life do you continuously have the same arguments over and over and over again? How is that working for you?

Point #3: Collision

The only way to change this is to identify that you're in the loop. If you find yourself repeating the same arguments over and over again, arguing about the same shit, in the same way, that's a telltale sign you are stuck inside the Karmic Loop or on the never-ending Hamster Wheel.
Once you identify that you're in the loop, you've got to collide. The first collision is with yourself, and the second collision is with your spouse. It's about taking responsibility for where you are.

QUESTION

Inside your relationship, what are you afraid to have a conversation about with your spouse?

Point #4: Shut Down

Garrett is experiencing a loop where he has shut down sexually. He has the drive and yet lacks the hunt for Danielle. "I will sit and wait for Danielle to jump on me, which she literally does."
Garrett feels he created a pattern after years of rejection and trained himself not to go on the hunt. "I don't do the weird thing, I don't go pouty, I just do nothing. It's shut off."

QUESTION

Identify a loop you currently find yourself in. What is the first step you can take to begin changing that?

Point #5: The Stack

Using the Warrior tool called the Stack, Garrett takes himself through a series of questions and answers about this loop he currently finds himself in with regards to shutting himself down sexually, even though it is very clear Danielle is "open for business."
During the process of asking himself what it is that he wants, he reveals, "I want Garrett to become a sexual hunter again in his marriage like he was in the first year of his marriage. I want Garrett to break the chains of sexual dysfunction in the game he is playing."

QUESTION

How willing are you to dive deep into questions of self-inquiry?

Communication Challenge:

Identify one area in your relationship where you have the same argument in the same way over and over and over. Using the art of collision, begin taking steps to move forward.

Date Night Topic:

Talk about things you like your spouse to do that turn you on.

Quote of the Week:

"If you don't have a relationship with your spouse, and all your energy is poured into your kids, it's gotta be a pretty depressing day when your kids leave."

—Garrett J White

"I have to walk by damn near naked and be like, "We're open for business!"

—Danielle K White

warriorgreens.com

dkwstyling.com

Money Matters | Date Your Wife | EP 105 Jan 07, 2020

Show notes

*This is a previously aired episode from April 2018. Today's conversation with Garrett and Danielle is about the topic of Money and the important role it plays in your relationship.

When you make enough money to put your family into abundance, there's a shift in the way that you see yourself as a man and a shift in the way you see your relationship. It also affects the way your wife sees you.
Danielle: Generally, women want men to take care of them. Even if we can produce, we still want our man to 'be the man' and take care of us. A man is sexier to a woman when he's the one producing.

QUESTION

How does this ring true for you as a couple?

Point #2: Money is a Tool

Garrett: Inside of our relationships, money sits at the core. We have friends who celebrate their success and use money as a tool to inspire other people to create more, and then we have other friends who simply hide it all and pretend like they're broke.
Danielle: There was a five year period where we were experiencing rapid growth, and we disconnected ourselves from people. I had surface relationships and felt like I was kind of guarding myself. What I've come to realize now is that I can have relationships with everyone – it's just a matter of me being comfortable with me.

QUESTION

Are you living in a scarcity or abundant mindset while being surrounded by your wealth?

Point #3: You Must Leap

Garrett: In 2009, after I had lost everything, I was offered a job from a friend at a very crucial time for me when I didn't have a lot of belief in myself. I was terrified as a husband and as a producer and had lost all confidence in myself. There came a pivotal moment when I realized my life was in the balance, and something in my soul said, "You must fucking leap!"
Danielle: When we were dating, I saw Garrett for who he was and who he could become. I knew there were great things in store for him. So when I saw him selling out, I was so upset because I knew that he was capable of doing and becoming so much more.

QUESTION

Where in your life have you settled?

Point #4: Don't Settle

Garrett: One of the greatest gifts my wife has given to me about money is that she rode my ass about it. As you get better and better at making money as a man inside of marriage, it forces you to become a new man.
Danielle: I think that people play it safe in life in fear of failure. If I leap and I fall on my face, then there are consequences; but if I stay in the safe zone, then I can ride this out forever. If you're listening to this and you're feeling a stab in the heart to take action in your life, do it.

QUESTION

Where in your life are you feeling the call to take a leap of faith?

Point #5: Team Work

Garrett: There are a lot of you here who need to rise. Danielle and I work as a team to push each other. There are times she wants to settle into her little comfortable cocoon, and then I kick her straight out of the cocoon, I rip it open and throw her off the cliff. And she does the same for me.
Danielle: You can produce way more as a couple if you can get on the same page of experiencing more growth together. If you can take those experiences of who you are as a couple and make them work, two is better than one, at least in my experience for us. We push each other in that way.

QUESTION

What is your dance as a couple in the way you support each other's growth?

Communication Challenge:

Have a conversation as a couple, and allow yourself to collide and dream. Sit down and set a target of a game that you could create together. Who can you become as a couple economically? Who can you become as a producer individually or collectively? What would it require for you to become to pull that off?

Date Night Topic:

Give yourself some credit for where you are. Challenge yourself on your Date-Night to have a conversation about possibility or collision. Either one of these paths will lead you to a new position and possibility inside of your life.

Quote of the Week:

"My money is a reflection of my ability to produce and create value in the marketplace. So I produce, and I create more not for the target of having money, but rather we are in this place of a desire to become more, and inside of that, we use money production as a way to accelerate that."

—Garrett J White

"Be you at every level."

—Danielle K White

Parenting Challenges & Victories | Date Your Wife | Ep 104 Dec 31, 2019

Show notes

Cell phones have changed the game for kids, forcing kids today to grow up much faster, and at the same time, they're NOT growing up. They've gotten really good at being able to communicate via text, but they haven't learned how to commutate face-to-face.
Danielle recalls waiting for boys to call her when she was in Junior High. She was nervous and sweating, hoping she wouldn't sound like a dork or stutter. Today, it's a matter of text, erase, edit, and send.

QUESTION

How has communication changed since you were a teen?

Point #2: Bed Time Shenanigans

The bed-time routine at the White household can sometimes look more like a shit show, with their seventh-grader going into psycho mode while Garrett takes away her cell phone.
Unbeknownst to Garrett, who is in the middle of a yelling match in one room, Danielle is in another room consoling their seven-year-old who has a pillow over her ears saying, "I hate this part!"

QUESTION

What does your bedtime routine look like?

Point #3: Old School Discipline

When their oldest daughter back-talks Danielle, Garrett wonders if her mother would have tolerated that behavior. As a seventh-grader, Danielle remembers being backhanded by her mother while they were driving.
As an eighth-grader, Garrett found himself wandering the streets of their new city for four hours after his mom kicked him out of the van for fighting with his siblings. That was before cell phones.

QUESTION

How do your disciplining methods differ from those of your parents?

Point #4: Jump Through the Windows

Danielle: When kids are little, they operate on your agenda; when they turn into teenagers, you operate on their agenda – that's your window "in." In order to gain that connection, I'm constantly looking for my windows.
Garrett: We have some traction in her world. The key is being present with what her issues are and what's going on in her world. Perhaps we actually do know what we're doing.

QUESTION

What can you do to be more aware of those little windows of opportunity to connect with your children?

Point #5: Navigating the Parental Waters of Divorce

It was only a couple years ago that Garrett's nineteen-year-old son wouldn't talk to him. Today, he is an integral part of the Warrior landscape as he and Garrett forge a new relationship that has recently included bringing Garrett's ex-wife and her family into the picture.
A family intervention during the Warrior Woman event in the summer of 2018 proved not only healing but life-transforming. Garrett and his ex-wife were able to take radical responsibility, let go of stories, and come to a peaceful place, demonstrating that anything is possible.

QUESTION

How are you navigating the waters of parental divorce?

Communication Challenge:

Discuss the challenges cell phones have brought into your family.

Date Night Topic:

How can you better support each other in how you parent? Brainstorm different ideas and strategies and choose one or two to begin implementing.

Quote of the Week:

"The emotional fortitude of children isn't what it used to be. Kids today are growing up intellectually very quickly, with great articulation and communication, but emotionally they're going backward."

—Garrett J White

"Because you are so mad and so bitter, and are not dealing with your own shit and your own stories, it is ultimately holding you back."

—Danielle K White

Cross the Line | Date Your Wife | Ep 103 Dec 24, 2019

Show notes

* This is an encore presentation of a previously aired episode from May 2018. Being married can be a complete shit show AND amazing… all at the same time! While most marriages end up in sedation, disconnection and/or divorce, Garrett and Danielle have committed to creating something a little bit better than that and a bit more fun. Join them in this week's podcast that doubles as their very own therapy session as they engage in a conversation about the all-important topic of communication.

You can be comfortable with somebody and respect them, and maybe you don't fight, and things are generally good, but there's no spark. Your idea of a night out is coming home from a long day at work, throwing on your sweats and watching Netflix together…and then you wonder what happened to that spark you used to feel.
Date Night is one of the ways the sparks continue to fly between Danielle and Garrett. Danielle loves getting all dressed up for Date Night and treats it like an actual date like she did during their pre-marriage days. She inspired Garrett to level up his game from his go-to flannel shirt to his now custom-tailored design jackets.

QUESTION

When was the last time the two of you dressed up and stepped out on the town together? How did it make you feel?

Point #2: Sugar & Spice

Garrett: Inside the communication game, people sometimes think that it's the spice they're trying to get rid of. When I define spice, I'm talking about arguments, disagreements, giggling, laughing, joking, having fun, getting angry at each other, fighting, battling, debating, having crucial conversations – it's everything!
Danielle: There's a lot of spice in our marriage, and we collide a lot with our personalities – both in good ways and in ways where we piss each other off. Spice, for me, is "I fucking hate you," which turns into "I fucking love you."

QUESTION

How do you keep your marriage fresh and spicy?

Point #3: Love Notes

Making daily deposits into your family's life is part of living the Warrior's Way, which is part of something called the CORE 4. Men typically don't know how to communicate their feelings and don't send love messages to their wives, which Garrett believes many women would love receiving from their husbands.
While Danielle acknowledges the daily texts from Garrett, her love language is found more in spending quality time together with him, like doing these podcasts or going on Date Nights. She sends texts of encouragement when she senses he's having a stressful day, which messages Garrett loves receiving as part of his love language.

QUESTION

What are your thoughts about giving or receiving love notes?

Point #4: Give and Take

Garrett: In my world, I had to learn that it was ok to buy my wife shit. It was a very hard thing for me, and I questioned how buying gifts for her made me more valuable as a husband.
Danielle: Because I can buy my own things, I felt like I had to submit and let Garrett buy me gifts, which is one of my love languages. I wanted him to be the man, yet at first, I wasn't allowing space for him to do that.

QUESTION

Why are you stopping your spouse from giving you what you say you want to receive from them?

Point #5: Dance With Me

Garrett: As you can tell, we're still working on this, which is the ability actually to communicate with and understand the language of our partner.
Inside of that, we get to choose to do two things: 1- appreciate the love language they receive in, and 2-learn to give the love language that the people we're married to want to receive.

QUESTION

What does your daily dance of communication look like?

Communication Challenge:

Danielle: Garrett needs to be told, "I love you," but my communication style is different. How about you? Is your communication style verbal or silent? What about your spouse's? Do you think one is wrong and one is right?

Date Night Topic:

For women, what is your husband's love language, and how can you cross the line a little bit for him? For men, how can you cross the line a little bit for your wife?

Quote of the Week:

"I'm essentially making love to the ocean because she accepts me every morning."

—Garrett J White

"We'll argue about a topic, and one of us has to reach over to the other side and reciprocate eventually. You have to cross the line in order to make it a little more peaceful in your home."

—Danielle K White

Being Raised With & Without Money | Date Your Wife | Ep 102 Dec 17, 2019

Show notes

*Encore presentation from January 2018* Join co-hosts Danielle and Garrett J White with Week Two of the Date Your Wife Podcast, in which they share two VERY different views of how they were raised with money (or without) and how that has affected their relationship as a married couple.

In This Week's Podcast….MONEY Point #1: Having Expensive Tastes In Which Money Matters

Money causes a ton of chaos within marriage, which will make or break the relationship, forcing you to deal with your spouse on a whole new level.
Danielle was raised by entrepreneurs that focused on having a home that was up to date and something to have pride in, while to Garrett having a lot of money was unattainable unless you were a doctor with a swimming pool in your backyard, like a kid he remembers from school.

QUESTION

What kind of background were you raised in that has effected the way in which you approach your outlook on money within marriage?

Point #2: The War of Spending Money

Danielle spent money because she wanted to experience life, but for Garrett, money was about spending money on business, which he still struggles with, as they throw each other under the bus in how they spend money.
According to Danielle is being a selective cheap bastard until her perspective of her role as a Stylist rather than a Hobbyist she was able to change.

QUESTION

If you could throw your spouse under the bus, what do you think they struggle with when it comes to spending money?

Point #3: ATMs and Porn Stars

Garrett felt like the only way he had value was if he made money, and therefore when he makes money Danielle should put out for sex any time he wants.
Women want to feel safe and secure, so it becomes hard to have sex with him when he's no longer attractive as the Producer, and the man in the relationship doesn't feel like he's providing value to the relationship because of this role as well, in which his balls get cut off mentally.

QUESTION

What does being a Producer do to bring out the sexual dynamic within marriage?

Point #4: Learning from What Didn't Work: The Cancun Contract

With the Cancun Contract, it was 3 for 3: 3 Gifts for 3 sex sessions which led to feeling more like they were purchasing prostitution in an attempt to give their marriage a shot at what would work for them based off of their own love languages for 3 weeks, learning that using money as a manipulator didn't work but ended to bigger breakthroughs later on.
Garrett learned to invest because he wanted his wife to be happy, looking at money as a tool, not an asset by shifting his wife towards being the asset, showing that Danielle matters to him.

QUESTION

Where can you invest in your spouse with no strings attached, investing in experiences with your spouse and family? Where do you still need to give yourself permission to receive without guilt?

Point #5: I Want You To Want To

Hold yourself to a higher standard in order to push your spouse to become more, believing in them more than they believe in themselves.
At one point, Garrett made a huge realization that sometimes the man is the ATM, and you need to be OK with it because it shows that she is worth the investment. Danielle is a producer on her own, but she wanted him to want to be a man in seeing the value of investing in her. Now, they have both surrendered and invested in each other.

QUESTION

How can a woman powerfully support and invest emotionally in her husband to encourage him to become a bigger producer?

Date Night Topic:

What improvements can be made in regards to the topic of money?

Quote of the Week:

"I was raised to feel that you could get whatever you wanted in life if you are willing to work, but no one was going to save you. I didn't know that I could want anything more than what I had. I learned that I needed to demonstrate in my marriage that my wife is worth spending money on and worth the investment."

—Garrett J White

"If you want to be treated like a Queen, you've got to treat your man like a King. Women need to own their part and let go of the guilt when your husband invests in you. Stop getting stuck in the stories that your man isn't fulfilling you, and realize that you may not be fulfilling his needs. If he's putting in effort, take the gifts he's giving you and see how it feels to then harmonize in fulfilling his needs."

—Danielle White

The Power of Space | Date Your Wife | EP 101 Dec 10, 2019

Show notes

*Encore presentation from August 28, 2018.* Garrett and Dannielle discuss the importance of getting away as a couple in this week's episode.

____________________________________________________________________

Danielle: I think it's crucial to have time together to reconnect so that when you go back home to the kids, you are rejuvenated.
When your relationship is on point, kids notice. They can pick up on the energy between you and your significant other.

QUESTION

How do you show each other that remembering your anniversary is important to you?

Point #2: Mommy Guilt

Danielle: Mommy guilt happens to all the moms I talk to. Even though you're excited to get away, and you end up having a great time, there's always this weird anxiety leading up to the vacation.

I feel that anxiety never really goes away unless you just push forward. You have to go on these trips and realize that your kids are going to be just fine.

QUESTION

How do you as a couple deal with two different visions of where to invest your money?

Point #3: Hiring Help

Garrett: Can you see how your entire world has been held hostage by the fact that the only people you will trust to watch your children are your parents?

The entire game from a guy's perspective comes down to you as a man creating space for your wife. One of the big hurdles you're going to have to overcome is getting your wife to be okay with hiring help that is not free, and that is not part of the family.

QUESTION

How do you and your wife feel about hiring help other than your family"

Point #4: Cashing In Chips

Danielle: Free help is never free. I feel like there is this debt with the Universe with family. "I watched your kids, so now you have to watch mine." "I brought you dinner, so you have to bring me dinner, too." There's always this unspoken feeling of cashing in of favors with family and close friends.

There's no such thing as free help when you go into it with the mindset of, "I will do this for you if you do this for me."

QUESTION

How often do you use your parents and friends instead of hiring someone?

Point #5: What's Important to You?

Garrett: Some guys say, " I don't have enough money to get a babysitter!" I say bullshit. You have enough money to put gas in your car, and you'll have enough money to get what you believe is important to you.

Space away from the kids creates perspective and power; perspective on your children, perspective on you as a couple, and perspective on your life.

QUESTION

What are your priorities?

Communication Challenge:

Have a conversation around the topic of Free Help vs Hired Help.

Date Night Topic:

Talk about the places you would like to go on your quarterly trips together, set the dates, and begin making plans for them.

Quote of the Week:

"When you move away from working in the family and in the relationship, and start to work on the relationship and on the family by taking trips and date nights away, you gain perspective. And that perspective is your power."

—Garrett J White

"All you ladies out there, stop trying to be superwoman. It's not serving you. Surrender to the fact that date nights are important and vacations are important, regardless of the anxiety you have surrounding your children. Guess what? You're not the only one that can parent your children.

—Danielle K White

Dream Big! | Date Your Wife | EP 100 Dec 03, 2019

Show notes

*Encore episode from January 2019.* This week's episode of the Date Your Wife podcast comes to you from beautiful Palm Beach, Florida, where the White's are attending Tony Robbin's Business Mastery Event. As they huddle in their bed trying to warm up from the ice-box temperatures they've been experiencing all day, they share stories about how Tony's events have impacted and shifted their personal and business lives in major ways.

Personal development hasn't always been at the top of Danielle's list of priorities. Up until a few short years ago, she equated it to a bunch of hippies sitting around hugging trees.
"Garrett was actually into some weird shit at different times during our marriage. The few personal development events I DID attend with him left me feeling totally creeped out."

QUESTION

What experiences have you had with personal development events?

Point #2: Date With Destiny

After viewing Tony Robbin's "I Am Not Your Guru" on Netflix in December of 2016, Danielle began having a change of heart towards self-development. Tony's approach actually made sense to her. "It seemed to be a more logical approach and less weird shit."
As fate would have it, Tony's son was attending Warrior Week at about the same time. As if right on cue, the Universe delivered up two tickets to Tony's next event, Date With Destiny, a mere three weeks away.

QUESTION

Have you or your spouse ever attended Date With Destiny?

Point #3: How Big Can You Dream?

Danielle's experience at Date With Destiny changed her thinking in a lot of ways. One of the biggest impacts for her was the exercise where they were told to dream big and write down EVERYTHING they wanted.
From this one exercise, Garrett and Danielle ended up making some major decisions in their marriage and businesses which resulted in some huge shifts for them that year.

QUESTION

Where in your world have you experienced a huge shift after hearing or experiencing something?

Point #4: Give Yourself Permission

Garrett and Danielle had to leave their environment over and over again to get to a place where they could ultimately choose a life that was theirs as a couple and as a family.
Garrett: Buying this house, investing in our family, and moving into this home literally shattered an entire box or frame of ideology that surrounded my brain.

QUESTION

Where in your world do you need to give yourself permission do to something that you know would yield big results or big shifts?

Point #5: It's in the Numbers

The biggest thing that Danielle is getting out of Business Mastery is confirming what she already suspected: she's got to know her numbers better than she does.
Event speaker Keith Cunningham taught," As a business owner, there is no value in a number; the value is knowing what to do about the numbers that you see."

QUESTION

What does it mean to you to not only know your numbers but to also know what to do about them?

Communication Challenge:

Grab your journals and carve out some time to Dream Big. Talk about and write down EVERYTHING you'd like to do within certain time frames, think way outside the box, and hold nothing back.

Date Night Topic:

Search out events you can attend this year TOGETHER for your individual growth AND for your growth as a couple. Choose one event and put it on your calendar. Make the leap. Your future is worth the investment.

Quote of the Week:

"The trifecta of insanity: choose to be married, choose to have kids, choose to have a business. You do those three things, and you're either a glutton for punishment, a psychopath, or you want to have the fast train to big fucking results based on the power and the pressure of having to rise."

—Garrett J White

"It was an "against all odds" situation because of the story we had been telling ourselves. But when we actually put our foot forward and started entertaining the idea, EVERYTHING started to fall into place for us."

—Danielle K White

Finding Your Inner Stripper | Date Your Wife | Ep 099 Nov 26, 2019

Show notes

*Encore presentation from May 15, 2018*

Welcome to this week's steamy episode of the Date Your Wife podcast sponsored by DKW Styling and featuring dual producers inside the game of business, money, and life – Danielle K and Garrett J White – who are keeping it real and raw no matter what level of success they achieve. Although today's topic is one of the tougher topics for many couples to get real about, the Whites break down all barriers and bares all in this week's enlightening, revealing and transparent conversation about sex.

Danielle: We were at Cabo, lots of sex, no kids, drinking gin, and this medium-looking girl walks by with her guy, she's wearing a thong and has a tiny bum – even I noticed. It's when your head followed and you kept following. Usually, you're super respectful. But you kept prolonging that ass.
Garrett: You caught me on that one. You do have control over how long you entertain, but you have zero control over the fact that if nine sets of ass cheeks are walking by you, and you're sitting there with your wife whose ass cheeks you love, as a guy in that environment it is a work of art to try to NOT do two things: #1- look, #2- try to not be weird about it when you're with your wife.

QUESTION

How do you feel about prolongued looks at the opposite sex by your partner?

Point #2: Sexual Triggers

Danielle: Being turned on by a guy is all about how he carries himself; it's all about his energy and not about the idea of having sex with him. You might get butterflies and think, 'oh he's cute,' but usually you never entertain it until later when it comes up and you wonder why you're so horny.
Garrett: As guys, we have a very different challenge because we are constantly being stimulated. You can be at church and a woman walks by wearing a shirt where her nipples are protruding and you can be a super committed loyal man to your wife, and nonetheless, you are sexually triggered.

QUESTION

What triggers you sexually?

Point #3: Finding Your Inner Stripper

For years, Garrett wanted Danielle to send him sexy photos of herself, but for a long time, she wasn't about that. She eventually had a boudoir photoshoot that was not only for Garrett, but it also helped her find her inner stripper and channel more of her sexual being.
"When I'm learning and growing in life, I'll do things to get out of my comfort zone because it pisses me off that I'm operating in a certain way. Doing the pictures made me nervous but I decided to just do it. It gives you permission to roleplay and it spices things up a little bit."

QUESTION

What is something you can do this week to step out of your comfort zone in your relationship?

Point #4: Reflection in the Mirror

Garrett: It's very difficult for a guy to have his thoughts in check if he's not getting laid. As a guy, you are naturally sexually charged and if you and your wife are not having sex for whatever reason – if physical intimacy is not happening – his sexual energy goes even higher, which is what leads a man to go porn and masturbation, which ultimately leads to a bigger problem.
Ladies, if you shame and guilt your husband because he's looking at porn, I'd invite you to look in the mirror at how you're showing up. The majority of men are looking at porn because they are not getting their sexual and emotional needs met at home – the relationship sex game is horseshit and not working out.

QUESTION

Ladies, how are you showing up sexually for your husband?

Point #5: Road to Nowhere

With consistent porn consumption and masturbation, you will stop putting your sexual energy towards your wife. You deplete all of your sexual energy into the computer and into your cell phone, and through masturbation, you literally push your energy away into the nothing. There's no exchange of energy.

Garrett: "Looking at porn and masturbating is a hollow experience. When I would go through these times of looking at porn and masturbating because Danielle and I were not on the same page, I would feel bad, alone and isolated. Turning to porn made it worse because I would start feeling even more resentment towards Danielle."

QUESTION

Gentlemen, where are you in the porn/masturbation cycle? How are your actions affecting your wife and your relationship?

Communication Challenge:

Ladies, how can you use sex as a tool and as a connecting piece to restore order in the relationship?

Date Night Topic:

Do a little role playing on your next Date Night to channel your inner stripper and add a little spice to the mix.

Quote of the Week:

"Guys, at the end of the day, keep all of that sexual energy in because it forces you to get committed to getting laid. This is what I have noticed for myself. If I keep all the sexual energy inside of me by not masturbating or looking at porn, then it forces me to focus all that energy on Danielle."

—Garrett J White

"Take the time to connect. Even if you're working a lot and don't see each other often, your relationship can only be as good as you're willing to work on it. If you're willing to cross the line for each other and not let it get too far disconnected, you can always stay in a good space. It's when you let it go too far that it takes that much longer to repair it and get back up. It's always a work in progress."

—Danielle K White

What's Obstructing Your View? | Date Your Wife | EP 098 Nov 19, 2019

Show notes

*Encore presentation from May of 2019* The conversation about the game of money is this week's topic of the Date Your Wife podcast, a topic which proves to be a spicy one for married co-hosts Garrett J and Danielle K White.

As Danielle steps back and looks at their amazing businesses and lifestyle, she is curious if there is a way to start putting more money into other areas, like savings, in addition to life insurance. She wonders if she is ignoring signs from their past mistakes, knowing that their current lifestyle is more abundant than ever before.
Garrett: My wife has pushed for our life to rise over and over again. At this point, we save more money than we've ever saved in our whole lives. I've also gone from only investing in the business to investing in the family.

QUESTION

How are you doing in the area of savings? How long would you be able to sustain your lifestyle if the money stopped coming in tomorrow?

Point #2: Obsession

The challenge inside of marriage when it comes to the topic of money is this: making money, growing money, keeping money, and leveraging money. Seventeen years ago, after reading the book, 'Rich Dad, Poor Dad,' Garrett realized for the first time that he could make money and became obsessed with it.
He went back and forth between the hustle mode of making money and the phase of growing money as he built teams and processes, which led him to the game of keeping money. Over the past several years, he has invested and put strategies into place, which have benefited them in massive ways inside of their bank accounts and savings vaults.

QUESTION

Where are you as a couple when it comes to making & keeping money?

Point #3: Building a Legacy

Danielle: We live an amazing lifestyle. I'm at the point where I want to be able to build a legacy, an empire. If we stopped working ten years from now, I want to know that we could still live our amazing lifestyle for years to come plus help our children if we needed to.
My parents live well, but they can't stop working. My dad is 69 and is still building custom homes because they have to continue working to maintain their lifestyle. I look at our parents and don't want to live like either of them.

QUESTION

What do you ultimately desire?

Point #4: A Team Effort

Danielle: Ladies, money is a tough conversation. Whether you're a woman who can take care of herself, or you're the Mom CEO of the family, it's nice to have a guy that takes care of you.
I also want to be a part of this team effort and part of the decisions. I don't want to sit on the sidelines and be naive about what's going on.

QUESTION

How do you handle money decisions in your relationship?

Point #5: Maintain or Increase?

Garrett to Danielle: Would you be willing to maintain our current lifestyle even though our businesses are increasing in revenue? We would maintain our current game, and everything else would go pure cash with no expense increase whatsoever in our personal lifestyle over the next five years.
We would not change homes or cars, and we would keep the same game. We would put all the money away that you want to put away without having to up the standard, meaning… two bags, not nine.

QUESTION

What are you willing to do in order to be able to put money away?

Communication Challenge:

Have some conversations with your spouse about the game of money: making, growing, keeping, and leveraging money.

Date Night Topic:

If the money were to suddenly stop coming in, how long would you be able to live your current lifestyle without changing anything?

Quote of the Week:

"This podcast isn't about having all the answers for you but rather a conversation where we're in a place of figuring shit out as we go."

—Garrett J White

"When I'm seventy years old, I want us to be working because we're passionate about it, and we are choosing to – we have a purpose behind it – not to just pay the fucking bills."

—Danielle K White

GRATITUDE | Date Your Wife | EP 097 Nov 12, 2019

Show notes

Point #1: What is a Stack?

A Stack is a series of questions with five variations (Mega, Angry, Happy, Gratitude, Production) that Garrett originally created three years ago to deal with "my fucking rage." These questions alter the way you are experiencing different relationships, events, and triggers in your life.
One of the challenges men have is the inability to express emotion and end up suppressing those emotions, which is the way society has taught, trained and educated men to do over the past 100 years. The whole point of the Stack is to allow you to release the energy that you're feeling, whether you're fucking raging, angry, triggered, or happy and get someone to their truth.

QUESTION

As a man, what has been your experience with sharing your emotions and feelings?

Point #2: Impact

There are five different Stacks which serve different purposes. You've got the Mega and Angry Stack which allow you to release your rage & emotions, followed by the Happy and Gratitude Stacks, and then finally the Production or War Stack..
The Gratitude Stack requires you to deliberately pause and look back and serves as a powerful tool of connection with your spouse and children. As Garrett has shared these with his children as part of the Core 4 game, he has witnessed first-hand the immense impact it has had on them individually and upon their relationship.

QUESTION

How has expressing gratitude for your spouse and children affected your relationship with them?

Point #3: The Gift of Gratitude

Danielle shares how expressing gratitude gives you a different perspective."There are going to be times in your life when you feel like you are in a dark place, and it's hard to snap out of that. You start to see the world through a negative lens."
"If you take a step back and begin appreciating the good moments, it gives you this sense of gratitude, and everything begins to change. It puts life in a different perspective."

QUESTION

What do you notice when you step back and begin seeing life through the lens of gratitude?

Point #4: INSPIRED

From his Gratitude Stack about Danielle, Garrett received insights and revelations about their marriage, and how he feels about her: "Marital and mutual respect is something that takes a long time to uncover, and once it's found, it's priceless and profound."
"I sit and look at my wife while five months pregnant and am just inspired. I'm inspired by what it is to be pregnant and have your body do what it does with a little person inside of you who is growing. But of all the things that hits home the most is that she can make the baby AND also smash the shit out of life."

QUESTION

What about your spouse inspires you?

Point #5: From Then to Now

Garrett: What makes this pregnancy different from the others is that I am grateful for what we've become as a couple. In the past, I isolated myself and didn't know how to deal with the whole pregnancy thing.
Danielle: When you look back to how it was eight years ago with our last pregnancy during scary and uncertain times, things are so different this time. We know we're in a good place right now with life and with marriage, and we're excited about the next chapter.

QUESTION

As you step back and look where you've been compared to where you are now, what has changed?

Communication Challenge:

Discuss the art of collision and the ability to hold space for your spouse during intense & direct conversations.

Date Night Topic:

Make Gratitude the topic of your next Date Night. Share examples and stories of gratitude with each other. If you have access to the Gratitude Stack, do a Stack on each other and then share it during your date.

Quote of the Week:

"Gratitude is the ability to look back: here's where we are, here's where we were, and let's be grateful for what is."

—Garrett J White

"When you're in a space of gratitude, nothing can get you down. Use it as a protective shield for yourself and your family, and to ultimately feel more powerful in life. When I'm in that space, I feel unstoppable."

—Danielle K White

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