Date Your Wife

Latest Episodes:

Don't Have the Baby in the Theater! | Date Your Wife | EP 076 Jun 18, 2019

Show notes

The White's have a conversation about the last stages of pregnancy and feedback inside of marriage.

Every week married couple Danielle and Garrett J White share insights and perspectives from within their own lives regarding the following topics discussed each month:

Week 1: Sex Week 2: Money Week 3: Parenting Week 4: Communication In This Week's Podcast….COMMUNICATION Point #1: Am I Really Waddling That Much?

With four weeks to go until the arrival of baby Isla (at the time of this recording), the White's have entered the home stretch…and Danielle's really feeling it. "These last three to four weeks seem like a lifetime and I am literally counting the days."
On their recent dinner & movie Date Night, an older man took one look at Danielle and remarked, "Wow! Are you due any day? Don't have the baby in the theater!" She has a few choice words for people who make comments to pregnant ladies when they are obviously close to delivery: fuck off!

QUESTION

Ladies, what are some of the things people asked you when you were in the pregnancy home stretch?

Point #2: Guys Are Clueless

When it comes to pregnancy, guys are pretty much clueless and clearly, they don't know what to say when they see a pregnant lady. "I think guys are just trying to say something nice or funny when they make a remark like "don't have the baby in the theatre."
Danielle: The only thing you can say to a pregnant girl is, "How are you feeling? Looks great, you're almost there. That's appropriate." Garrett tries to be supportive but he looks at Danielle with concerned eyes, a furrowed brow, and a face that says "Oh, that looks so awful…are you ok?"

QUESTION

Men, how do you support your wife when she's pregnant?

Point #3: Erection in the Desert

This pregnancy adventure has opened up the way for the White's to have a conversation about bringing two books to the marketplace with working titles Etiquette For a Pregnant Lady, and What to Expect When You're Expecting – Penis Edition.
Garrett: "The more I talk about this topic, the more I believe that this is the window. If I was ever going to do it, it's gotta happen now because I believe this will be our last baby." According to Danielle, Garrett's would be a four-page book. But Garrett begs to differ.

QUESTION

Ladies, what are some of the things your husband has had to sacrifice during your pregnancies

Point #4: Snoogle, Belly Edition

During sex, Garrett says he's been sucking in his abs to make room for the baby, something Danielle has been noticing and thinks is really weird. Garrett sees it as "I'm offering support like a Snoogle, belly edition, while you're having sex with me."
During the last several weeks of pregnancy, a lot of men think that having sex falls into this weird, awkward, extraterrestrial territory. They're trying not to hurt the baby (even though that is absolutely not possible), and they also want to create a comfortable space for their wives. But it usually backfires.

QUESTION

How do you and your spouse handle sex during the final few weeks of pregnancy?

Point #5: Balls of Steel

According to Garrett, a wife is one of the few people in a man's life who can speak to a man in a way that no one else can. "They have all the data and so they can jab straight into a guy's balls. What's gotta happen over time is that your balls have to become steel. She's refining you and getting you to a place of power."
Danielle: "My intent is never to go after the jugular or land a straight shot to the balls; it's more out of wanting to help Garrett. Yet a lot of times, I'll be missing all the facts and details and will state my opinion which can come across as a naggy know-it-all or as an attack on Garrett, which isn't my intent."

QUESTION

What is the state of communication with your spouse?

Communication Challenge:

Have a conversation about feedback inside of your marriage.

Date Night Topic:

What have been the conditions and results from light bulb moments or major shifts inside of your marriage?

Quote of the Week:

"Part of the role that your wife plays in your life is the ability to be the "critical bitch." Her job is to criticize and your job is to reframe criticism into a place of hey listen, my wife is simply jabbing at the king to wake the fuck up."

—Garrett J White

"I think you have to come to this place inside of your marriage where you can take something that is meant to nag or antagonize you, and flip it so it becomes beneficial rather than something that will destroy."

—Danielle K White

Written In the Stars | Date Your Wife | Ep 075 Jun 11, 2019

Show notes

It's never a dull moment with the White's in this week's edgy and spicy Date Your Wife podcast on the topic of Communication, as they delve into the world of Astrology and Natal Charts, revealing startlingly accurate and sometimes surprising traits about each other. At times their entertaining and flirtatious banter delivers jabs akin to a highly competitive sparring match. *This is a previously aired episode from March 2018.

Every week married couple Danielle and Garrett J White share insights and perspectives from within their own lives regarding the following topics discussed each month:

Week 1: Sex Week 2: Money Week 3: Parenting Week 4: Communication In This Week's Podcast….COMMUNICATION Point #1: Understanding Trumps Assumption

During their recent vacation, Danielle found herself completely submerged in the world of Astrology, studying personality and compatibility traits of both she and Garrett. What has taken Garrett fifteen years to discover about himself, Danielle has been able to figure out in ten minutes while lying on the gorgeous beaches of Maui sipping a Margareta.
Danielle: I'm just trying to figure out how we operate, why we do the things we do, and what makes us tick. With communication specifically, that's what triggers people. You can say something that will trigger a person if you don't have an understanding of who they are, where they're coming from, or what their intentions are.

QUESTION

How does having an understanding of your spouse's modus operandi influence the way you communicate with them?

Point #2: Is Your Relationship Account Overdrawn?

Garrett has been working late every night and Danielle wants to spend more time with him, which she recently communicated to him. He has been wanting her to communicate her feelings more often to him, but once she did, Garrett flipped it into an argument. A text and audio battle ensued.
Garrett: Part of the problem is you don't make any deposits in my account and tell me I'm doing a great job, which is very important for me. I feel like you are starving me. Danielle: I've come to realize that communication is very important to you and that you always need tons of validation, tons of communication, and tons of praise.

QUESTION

When was the last time you made a deposit in your relationship account?

Point #3: Can You Outsource Your Love Language?

When our gas tanks are low, we have zero desire to fill up each other's gas tanks. We start to drift and become strangers in the night, and the next thing you know we're talking divorce. This was always our pattern. I was giving her what I wanted to receive instead of what she wanted and needed to receive, and vice versa.
Garrett realized when he sends a love note to Danielle, it's because he wants to receive love notes. Danielle: Can I have someone else write love notes to you? Garrett: You want to outsource your love? Ok, you go outsource it and send me a daily gdamn love letter. And I'll outsource a guy to show up and sit on the couch and just sit there while you put your legs on him.

QUESTION

How has understanding each other's Love Languages improved the way you communicate?

Point #4: Respect is Like Peanut Butter

Danielle: I think we have a lot of respect for each other and recognize how hard we have worked to get where we are. Even though we might not think the same, we have the same intentions and goals. I've realized I am never going to get you to see the world the way I see it. And I need to just accept that.
Garrett: I think we have the same energy and drive. But we definitely don't agree on everything and that's okay. Part of being able to course correct comes down to respect. It's the ability to not have to agree on everything, and the respect is what takes you through, not love.

QUESTION

Do you feel like you must agree on everything in order to have a healthy, thriving marriage? Why or why not?

Point #5: Collision is Inevitable

Danielle: My advice for women when you want to share something with your man is to approach him in a way where you can actually have a safe conversation and express your feelings without things going south. Frame the conversation so that it is coming from the heart and not the head, and frame it in a way that you can actually get past your shit.
Garrett: Here's my suggestion for the guys: The better you know yourself, the better you can communicate with your wife what you want and what you don't want.

QUESTION

How do you handle collision?

Communication Challenge:

Be open to the possibility of doing some research about yourselves in some new places, and then have some fun talking about what you discover. Here are some suggestions for you: astrowow.com, kolbe.com, colorcode.com

Date Night Topic:

On your Date Night this week, have a conversation about what it is you actually want.

Quote of the Week:

"I've been studying something called the Natal Chart which is a tool I use within my Soul Purpose Blueprint. What I know about Gemini's is that we run the Universe and we are are the sexual gods of the Universe."

—Garrett J White

"Now that we have come to understand and respect one another, even though we're a lot different – and yes, we're still going to get into arguments and disagree on things – I think we are at that place of respect where we can come together. His strengths help me, and my strengths help him. I think our businesses getting to the level they are at is the result of us working together and playing off each other's strengths and weaknesses."

—Danielle K White

Life Transitions | Date Your Wife | EP 074 Jun 04, 2019

Show notes

A picture-perfect sunset by the sea is the backdrop for this week's Date Your Wife podcast with married co-hosts, Garrett J and Danielle K White. We discover why Danielle has stepped away from her salon earlier than anticipated and what that has to do with Garrett overcoming his aversion to needles. The topics of sex during pregnancy, surrogacy, and favoritism are also part of today's conversation. This episode is all about life transitions and how the entire White clan is doing their part to make this transition as smooth and as seamless as possible.

Every week married couple Danielle and Garrett J White share insights and perspectives from within their own lives regarding the following topics discussed each month: Week 1: Sex Week 2: Money Week 3: Parenting Week 4: Communication In This Week's Podcast….PARENTING Point #1: Change of Plans

At the time of recording this episode, Danielle is 33 weeks pregnant with seven weeks to go until the arrival of their daughter, Isla. A visit to the ER reveals some news that requires Danielle to alter her plans for the next seven weeks.
"I stopped working a little bit earlier than anticipated, and I'm just trying to take it easy. But mentally, it's a little bit torturous. Yesterday, I went to CVS, and I'm literally standing in line chatting with a bunch of eighty-year-olds while I wait for my prescription and look for compression socks."

QUESTION

Where in your world have new circumstances required you to alter your original plans?

Point #2: Letting Go

While at the ER, Danielle was on the phone conducting business with her team members finalizing details of a huge event coming up. When her lead trainer caught wind of where Danielle was and what she was doing, her message to Danielle was, "Let go!"
Danielle: "There comes a point where your health is involved that puts things into perspective. I need to slow down, I need to let go, and I need to trust that my teams have this. Sometimes in life, we have to understand that people may not always do things as you would, but we have to give them the opportunity to rise."

QUESTION

Inside your world, where has the 'letting go' opened up your world and given people inside of your life the opportunity to rise?

Point #3: Favorites

Bailee, the White's twelve-year-old daughter, makes a guest appearance on the show and adds her two-cents when it comes to baby Isla possibly being the "favored" child.
"I'm really good with babies, but I already know the main focus is going to be on the baby… and Ruby's gonna have a tantrum about that. You can already tell Isla is the favorite. She has a hair brand named after her and she has her own cool room with everything new."

QUESTION

What are your experiences with the "favored child syndrome?"

Point #4: The Sex Game

Garrett brought up the fact that there's not a manual for the guys when it comes to having a pregnant wife. Men have a lot of questions and go through transitions of their own during this time. "The moment this is brought up," Garrett remarks, "you're thrown into the blender of you're a pussy."
"What do the guys do when their sex drive is extremely high? What about sex during the third trimester? What does it mean when you're not getting laid? What do you do when the sex game completely disappears? If we do have sex, will I hurt the baby?" According to Danielle, "There's not a guy on the planet who is long enough to poke his baby in the head!"

QUESTION

How are you and your partner handling this transition from the male's perspective?

Point #5: Seasons of Life

Garrett: You've got these transitionary moments of up and down and up and down; seasons of one thing, and seasons of another. Things are constantly evolving and changing as a couple, and you've got to be ok with the fact that they're changing.
Right now, we're in a big-ass transition. I look at the fruit of what this time gives us, and it's giving us an opportunity to slow down. It's giving us an opportunity to look at things from a different angle, and it's giving us, as a couple, an opportunity to connect in ways we maybe wouldn't normally connect. And, it's giving our family a chance to have a different focus.

QUESTION

What lessons have your life transitions taught you? What opportunities have they brought into your life?

Communication Challenge:

Do you have a focus on a vision beyond the transition?

Date Night Topic:

Consider what transition you're in and have a conversation about it over a bowl of ice cream.

Quote of the Week:

"As a couple, if you don't stay open in the transition, you're never going to see the window to the next play. It's very easy to close it down and to want to go back to the way things were."

—Garrett J White

"I'm going to be smarter this time. I'm going to enjoy my kids AND keep my sanity. I'm going to be with them, and I'm also going to allow help to come in to help me transition through this period of my life. As moms, we're human… and we also need our space."

—Danielle K White

His & Her Pregnancy Sacrifices| Date Your Wife | EP 073 May 28, 2019

Show notes

Get ready for a spicy conversation in this week's brand new episode of the Date Your Wife Podcast with married co-hosts, Garrett J and Danielle K White, who are preparing to enter a new chapter of their life with the arrival of baby Isla in eight weeks. Join them as they candidly discuss the challenges that come with pregnancy and the seasons & chapters the births of each of their children have opened up for them.

The White's are in full-on pregnancy mode as they enter the eight-week countdown for the arrival of baby Isla who is due to arrive mid-July 2019. Danielle has reached the mega uncomfortable stage where some mornings she struggles to roll out of bed, while Garrett admits they're in the pregnancy desert when it comes to sex.
"The last eight weeks, I literally transform into some kind of cartoon character. My body starts to retain water and it just gets super ugly. It's rough.

QUESTION

Describe what life has been like in the home stretch phase of your pregnancies.

Point #2: His & Her Sacrifices

When a woman is pregnant, the physical sacrifices she makes to carry and birth that baby are both substantial and obvious. The sacrifice men make, not so obvious. But Garrett says the sacrifices are nonetheless all too real and mostly go unnoticed and are not taken seriously.
"As a guy, being in the homestretch is a very interesting game. How do I not be a dick and show up in a selfish way, and at the same time, how do I maintain and manage what I'm up to and what I'm about? When our wives are pregnant, we have no leg to stand on. And inside of that, there's some serious stuff that goes on for us."

QUESTION

What is the "unspoken" shit you go through as a man when your wife is pregnant?

Point #3: Roll Me Over

Danielle has good days and bad days. Sometimes she barely notices she's pregnant until she goes to get out of bed and feels like a potato bug stuck on its back.
"It takes a lot of energy to be pregnant, and I feel like every ounce of energy I give has to be more focused. Even though I'm operating at fifty percent, that fifty percent is pretty damn good because I make sure whatever energy I put out is worth my time."

QUESTION

Ladies, how is your energy when you're pregnant? How does it affect your everyday routine?

Point #4: Suck It Up Phase

As a man watching his wife go through pregnancy, Garrett feels super-protective and super supportive, yet he almost feels like they are in a holding pattern …even though they're not. "I feel like, at some point, you and I lose connection through the pregnancy phase… but not in a bad way."
"It's almost like we're in a season of war where there are war rules and peace rules. During war, there's a different set of principles. As a husband, I'm trying to stay active in the game and at the same time, support Danielle in whatever ways she needs. We're in the homestretch of the 'suck it up' phase."

QUESTION

What does your 'suck it up" phase look like?

Point #5: Why Do You Stay?

Each child's arrival into the White home has brought new life and a new chapter into their lives, and they feel baby Isla will do the same. "Every child has come at a different season in our life – Parker with my first wife, then Bailee right before things were about to fall apart, and then Ruby. Without the birth of Ruby, I don't think we make it."
Danielle: I feel like a lot of times, women stay in relationships because of the children, or they use that as their excuse. Really, they just crave security, and that's why they stay. And that's kind of how it was with Ruby. She kept us together. Women want safety and security, no matter what form that comes in.

QUESTION

When things got tough in your marriage, what part did the children play in keeping you together and weathering the storms?

Communication Challenge:

Do you think men make sacrifices when their wives are pregnant? Why or why not?

Date Night Topic:

Have a conversation about the different seasons and chapters you entered after the births of each of your children.

Quote of the Week:

"Marriage itself is a game of seasons, and each season demands a different set of skillsets. But the one thing that has to always be there are two people who are showing up and offering as much as they can."

—Garrett J White

"When you're making a decision, don't come up with excuses. Literally, look where you're at and decide to make a decision that's going to best support you. In supporting yourself, you support others. Not supporting yourself is actually selfish."

—Danielle K White

Parenting With Purpose, Not Guilt | Date Your Wife | EP 072 May 21, 2019

Show notes

In today's episode, Garrett and Danielle tackle the topic of parenting after just returning from an epic family vacation in Maui. As much as they love spending time together as a family, there's still guilt that comes as they juggle creating & building their business empires with raising and spending quality time with their children. *This is a previously aired episode from February 27, 2018.

Garrett: I was stuck inside the story that everything I was doing was fucking up my kids and messing with their future. As a businessman this is a real killer because we are so busy with our businesses, how do we deal with the guilt and shame of not showing up as a father in a way that is actually connected or makes you feel good?
Danielle felt guilty as a mom, especially when she was a younger mom micromanaging everything and always feeling like she always had to be there for her kids. Many women have a really hard time spending money or time on themselves, which can make going out on dates with their husbands extremely stressful, especially when you have really young kids.

QUESTION

How has playing the guilt card suffocated your relationship? What are some ways you can begin letting go and freeing yourself of guilt and shame?

Point #2: Out of the Mouths of Babes

During the podcast, their 11-year-old daughter makes a surprise appearance via telephone, candidly answering questions posed by her parents. When asked about vacations as a family: "I think it's important because you get time off from work and get to spend time with us for a whole week instead of just seeing us after school, after your Date Nights, or in the morning."
Danielle has fought hard for the vacations. She sees them as a time to reconnect as a family, create memorable experiences for everyone, and as a way to establish family traditions.

QUESTION

What are some of your favorite memories of family trips or vacations you have taken?

Point #3: Fulfillment Comes From Purpose

Garrett and Danielle both have a Purpose beyond each other and a Purpose beyond their parenting. That Purpose fulfills both of them individually, then that individual connection with themselves connects with each other as a couple, and that 'couple love' spreads down into their children.
As they are more often on the same page, and more ok with the idea of who they are as individuals, this has opened up the possibility for their children to see a new path for living. At the end of the day, parenting is about role modeling how to live. The one skillset that you should give your children? How to powerfully live the truth of who they are.

QUESTION

What Purpose have you found for yourselves individually beyond your relationship or children? How can you support each other in living that more fully?

Point #4: Make Time For Each Other

We have this faulty belief system that says my marriage must come secondary to the raising of my children. We think that somehow the raising of our children will happen with more power from a couple that's disconnected, doesn't love each other, aren't having sex, and are not communicating.
While in Maui, about 90% of the couples staying at the Four Seasons were in their late 50s and 60s, completely bored with and disconnected from each other, and questioning if they even wanted to stay together. They had lost themselves inside of the focus on their children.

QUESTION

What can you begin doing in your marriage to prevent yourselves from becoming a statistic when the kids are grown?

Point #5: Date Night is Non-negotiable

Danielle wasn't always a passionate advocate of Date Night. Garrett had to fight for what has now become normal inside of their relationship: weekly Date Nights. He cautions men that it's not going to be easy at first – you're going to have a wife that is dealing with all of the guilt and emotions surrounding the stress of leaving the kids with a babysitter, not to mention reconciling the cost of the entire evening.
Gentlemen, take charge and make this shit happen! Don't make Date Nights negotiable. Put your crown on, pick up your shield & your sword, and fight for the shit required to put your relationship back on track. A couple of resources to help you with that: care.com and warriorbook.com

QUESTION

When was your last Date Night?

Communication Challenge:

Discuss the actions you feel inspired to take after listening to today's podcast.

Date Night Topic:

1 – Go on a Date Night to schedule Date Nights.

2 – Have a conversation about the guilt that you may be experiencing individually and as a couple.

Quote of the Week:

"I would have you consider that the greatest parenting you could offer your children is to demonstrate a great relationship with your partner. You want to be a better father? Then date their mother. You want to be a better father? Then make love to their mother. You want to be a better father? Then show them the example of what it is to be a man fighting for a relationship and for a marriage."

—Garrett J White

"You chose to get married. You chose to have a family. There's connection with your spouse and there's connection with each of your children. You will always be their mom, but you're not always going to be their parent. As you find some Purpose and Passion in your life, it's not going to take away from anything that you will give your kids. In fact, it will give more to your kids. Allow yourself permission to let go of that guilt and find something for yourself."

—Danielle K White

Creating Favorable Conditions | Date Your Wife | EP 071 May 14, 2019

Show notes

Garrett and Danielle have a conversation about the three components necessary in order to create favorable conditions for communication inside your marriage. *This is an encore presentation of a previously aired episode from 2018.

Danielle has a mirror and bench inside her closet which comes in handy for the "get it done" sex. "It's a good view for us both: He's got his mirror and I've got my shoes," says Danielle.
Garrett: It's awesome. Not only is it great sex, but it's also visual content and stimulus for my mind for days.

QUESTION

How can you spice up your "get it done" sex?

Point #2: Date Your Wife Podcast

Garrett came to Danielle last year at this time and told her they were going to be doing a weekly podcast called Date Your Wife. At the time of this recording, they are ready to hit their 50th episode which represents at least 25 hours of communication.
Garrett: The podcast was a favorable condition that we created with time, energy, and money, and has proven to be the best therapy of all time for us.

QUESTION

What favorable conditions have you created in order to have better communication with your spouse?

Point #3: Lacking Sex?

If you're a guy and sex is not happening, it's a guarantee that what is also not happening is communication – direct, intimate communication which is the ability to communicate and connect.
If you have not invested time, energy, or money to create those conditions, then you also cannot be entitled to the results that come through sex and connection.

QUESTION

Where in your relationship are you investing money and energy, but not time?

Point #4: Date Night

You must create favorable conditions for communication on your dates. If you are always going out with friends and family for your Date Nights, that is not an environment where the two of you are able to have deep, intimate conversation.
Garrett enjoys getting together with other couples about once a month, but anything more than is too much, even if they're good friends because it turns into Team Girls and Team Guys instead of the one-on-one time together that they are desiring on their dates.

QUESTION

What has been your Date Night pattern?

Point #5: Time, Energy, and Money

If you're going to create communication, you must be willing to create favorable conditions for communication. You're going to have to invest time, energy, and money at some level, whatever it is.
Many men will not invest the time and energy, but will invest the money, or will invest the time and energy, but not invest any money. All three components of the Trifecta must be present.

QUESTION

What portion of the Trifecta are you missing?

Communication Challenge:

Figure out how you're going to create favorable conditions for communication inside your marriage.

Date Night Topic:

What can you add to your sex life to spice up those times when you have the "let's get it done" sex?

Quote of the Week:

"You must be willing to invest to create favorable conditions for communication to exist."

—Garrett J White

"Women look to men for safety and security. In reaching for that safety and security you have to look inward and realize that you are part of creating your own safety and security inside of that relationship."

—Danielle K White

What's Obstructing Your View? | Date Your Wife | EP 070 May 07, 2019

Show notes

In This Week's Podcast…MONEY Point #1: Saving & Investing

As Danielle steps back and looks at their amazing businesses and lifestyle, she is curious if there is a way to start putting more money into other areas, like savings, in addition to life insurance. She wonders if she is ignoring signs from their past mistakes, knowing that their current lifestyle is more abundant than ever before.
Garrett: My wife has pushed for our life to rise over and over again. At this point, we save more money than we've ever saved in our whole lives. I've also gone from the only place where I would invest is in the business, and have moved into the place of investing in the family.

Ask Yourself: How are you doing in the area of savings?

Point #2: Obsession

The challenge inside of marriage when it comes to the topic of money is this: making money, growing money, keeping money, and leveraging money. Seventeen years ago, after reading the book 'Rich Dad, Poor Dad,' Garrett realized for the first time that he could make money and became obsessed with it.
He went back and forth between the hustle mode of making money and the phase of growing money as he built teams and processes which led him to the game of keeping money. Over the past several years he has invested and put strategies into place which have benefited them in massive ways inside their bank accounts and savings vaults.

Ask Yourself: Where are you as a couple when it comes to making & keeping money?

Point #3: Building a Legacy

Danielle: We live an amazing lifestyle. I'm at the point where I want to be able to build a legacy; an empire. If we stopped working ten years from now, I want to know that we could still live our amazing lifestyle for years to come plus help our children if we needed to.
My parents live well but they can't stop working. My dad is 69 and is still building custom homes because they have to continue working to maintain their lifestyle. I look at both of our parents and don't want to live like either of them.

Ask Yourself: What do you ultimately desire?

Point #4: A Team Effort

Danielle: Ladies, money is a tough conversation. Whether you're a woman who can take care of herself, or you're the Mom CEO of the family, it's nice to have a guy that takes care of you.
I also want to be a part of this team effort and part of the decisions. I don't want to sit on the sidelines and be naive about what's going on.

Ask Yourself: How do you handle money decisions in your relationship?

Point #5: Maintain Or Increase?

Garrett to Danielle: Would you be willing to maintain our current lifestyle even though our businesses are increasing in revenue? We would maintain our current game, and everything else would go pure cash with no expense increase whatsoever in our personal lifestyle over the next five years.
We would not change homes or cars and we would just keep the same game. We would put all the money away that you want to put away without having to up the standard, meaning… two bags, not nine.

Ask Yourself: What are you willing to do in order to be able to put money away?

Communication Challenge:

Have some conversations with your spouse about the game of money: making, growing, keeping, and leveraging money.

Date Night Topic:

If the money were to suddenly stop coming in, how long would you be able to live your current lifestyle without changing anything?

Quote of the Week:

"This podcast isn't about having all the answers for you but rather a conversation where we're in a place of figuring shit out as we go."

-Garrett J. White

"When I'm seventy years old, I want us to be working because we're passionate about it and we are choosing to – we have a purpose behind it – not to just pay the fucking bills."

-Danielle K. White

Toleration & Standards | Date Your Wife | EP 069 Apr 30, 2019

Show notes

In this week's episode of the Date Your Wife podcast, co-hosts Garrett J and Danielle K White are coming to you from the 38th-floor inside a corner suite of the Four Seasons in Las Vegas where they are celebrating Danielle's 36th birthday. This week's conversation is about how the unification of your standards with your spouse builds the ultimate standard, and how you can't pull that off unless you have actually connected with your own standard.

One of the gifts of being married is that we each come into it with radically different standards for life. We have standards about sexuality, parenting, making money, how we spend our time, etc., based upon our past, how we were raised, and our mindsets.
Danielle: I do have a high standard based upon how I was raised but what I also notice is that I'm an extremely experience-based, detailed person which makes me hold things to a different level or standard than most people.

QUESTION

What are some standards you hold yourself to?

Point #2: Tolerance

We tolerate what our standards are. Where this ends up in collision is inside of marriage due to the different standards of each spouse.
Garrett has a standard of emotional connection, which is leaving people better than when you first meet them, something that comes very natural for him. Danielle, on the other hand, will tolerate almost no communication with other people.

QUESTION

What are some of the differing standards inside your marriage which have been a source for collision?

Point #3: It Takes Two to Tango

Garrett: Without my standards for communication, Danielle would have limited her communication. She never would have launched a podcast in the hair industry, nor would have launched her own salon or training company.
Danielle: I hold the standard of where we live and what we wear. When I push to get nicer things in life, we push more in business. And when we push more in business, it not only affects our family but it also creates multiple job opportunities for multiple families.

QUESTION

What have your differing standards created inside of your world?

Point #4: Own Your Standards

Garrett: We take a stand for each individual to own their identity, where neither one is a doormat or a steamroller but where we both come to terms with who we are. My standards say we do one thing and Danielle's standards say we do another.
As you come to own your standards, it allows you to actually embrace the standards of other people. Together, you create this ultimate standard as a couple. You begin to be more committed to each other, and out of that is birthed something deeper than love, which is respect.

QUESTION

How has owning your individual standards created the ultimate standard inside your marriage?

Point #5: Co-creation

Garrett: The standards across both sides of co-creation have allowed for Danielle and I to build our brands, our businesses, and our family. The unique side about all of this is there are very few powerful couples taking a stand for marriage that works, which requires you to be clear in your standards.
Danielle: I'm realizing that in managing our own empires and managing a marriage – and managing it well – it's kind of unheard of. We each have huge visions for our brands and we're proving that it can be done; that we can have those individual standards but also come together to create more as a couple.

QUESTION

What have you been able to co-create as a couple that you most likely never would have on your own?

Communication Challenge:

Where can you push in your relationship to become more together, to grow together, and unite as a couple?

Date Night Topic:

What can you create as a couple by uniting your individual standards?

Quote of the Week:

"The mix of standards between a married couple blend together to create the ultimate cocktail of creation."

—Garrett J White

"I think we push each other in all the right ways. I think that's what a relationship is supposed to be: pushing one another to a healthy place."

—Danielle K White

Buying Time For Your Family | Date Your Wife | EP 068 Apr 23, 2019

Show notes

In this week's topic of Money, Garrett and Danielle explore the idea that the best return on investment you can make is that of time and experiences with your spouse and children. They share stories and tips on how to pull this off successfully, no matter what circumstances you may currently find yourself in. *This is an encore presentation of a previously aired episode.

Inside the game of Relationship, money itself is a controlling tool for most men. Men use money to control women, and women use sex to control men. At the end of the day, this seduction loop leaves many men feeling that the only validation they get is when they make the money, leaving them feeling like an ATM machine.
The wife can be feeling like she's 'just a piece of ass' and an unpaid slave. Taking care of the home and the children is a full-time job in and of itself, worth a lot more money than many men are giving their wives permission to spend.

QUESTION

What actions tend to follow when you feel like an ATM or a piece of Ass inside your marriage?

Point #2: Unplug and Let Go

Women understand that men have worked all day yet want them to unplug from work and just be present with the family when they are home. Men feel like their day never ends. They come home from a long day of work and then are expected to be fully present with their wife and children.
Garrett: I want to spend time with you, not the stressed-out version of you that's worrying about cleaning the fucking house right now. I don't want a fucking checklist of things to clean. I want to be with you.

QUESTION

What do you do that helps you transition from work to home in becoming present with your spouse and children?

Point #3: What's Your Story?

Garrett: There are going to be guys with stay-at-home wives up in arms about this, saying, "What?! Let me get this shit straight. I'm going to go pay somebody to come into my home to clean and do the laundry? That's the woman's job. She has to do that. That's why she's home!"
What if you questioned the story that 'my wife's the one that's supposed to clean and make dinner, and it's the guy's job to mow the lawn.' Who made up these rules anyway?

QUESTION

What stories are you hanging onto about the different roles of men and women that are hindering your ability to grow together?

Point #4: Spend Money to Buy Time

Garrett: One of the ways you can use money as a man inside your home and inside of being together as a couple is to use your money in a way that buys the thing for the family that gives them what actually matters: time. There's this transition that comes with being willing to spend money to buy time.
Danielle: People get emotionally bogged down over the stupidest shit. No matter what role you play in your family (working mom, stay at home mom, community mom) there are all of these little things that could lift the weight off our shoulders, relieving tension and guilt, and freeing up more time to spend with the family…which is so worth it to me.

QUESTION

Where in your life could you make some little adjustments that would free up more time to spend together as a couple or as a family?

Point #5: Your Family Is An Investment

Garrett: Gentlemen, I'm going to have you consider that the greatest rate of return is to make sure that you stay together as a family. One of the ways to pull this off is to create conditions for your wife to actually have more opportunities.
Garrett started looking at their marriage like a business where Danielle became an asset inside of this business. He was willing to hire people to come into their home to free up time so that the family could do more things together.

QUESTION

How are you investing in our family in terms of dollars, time and experiences?

Communication Challenge:

At the end of the day, if your money doesn't serve you and your marriage and family, then what is the point in having it?

Date Night Topic:

What are some of the investments you can make regardless of the amount of money you have? How are you going to take some dollars this week to buy some more time for you and your family so that you can have the time and experiences that matter?

Quote of the Week:

"You tell me where you're going to get a higher rate of return: money in your 401k plan, or money in a babysitter to watch your children while you take your wife out on a date?"

—Garrett J White

"Guilt is the #1 destructive thing. It's the enemy; it does not serve you. If you find yourself feeling guilty, ask yourself: How can I let go of this guilt? How can I change this story? Find your balance, find out how to let go of the guilt, and more importantly, learn how to create a story that serves you best."

—Danielle K White

I Don't Want to Go to School Anymore! | Date Your Wife | EP 067 Apr 16, 2019

Show notes

Amidst the recent announcement from the White's twelve-year-old daughter that she is through with school and no longer wants to attend – with viable and compelling evidence to back up her stance & position – Garrett & Danielle jump into a conversation that explores the idea of schooling vs education as they compare today's world of accessible technology to the period in which they grew up. Also, be sure to listen to find out how you can become part of next week's show.

______________________________________________________________

Every week, married couple Danielle and Garrett J White share insights and perspectives from within their own lives regarding the following topics discussed each month: Week 1: Sex Week 2: Money Week 3: Parenting Week 4: Communication In This Week's Podcast…PARENTING Point #1: PROCRASTINATION

As a procrastinator in High School, Danielle was someone who never turned in her homework and was on the verge of not graduating until she was able to pull off some eleventh-hour shenanigans. "I didn't care about doing homework. I didn't see the point of doing it."
Now, as an adult, Danielle regrets that "I didn't learn how to learn and instead always found a way around doing the work." She sees herself as very intuitive but sees Garrett as 100% more book-smart than she is. "He likes to read, he can quote all sorts of things, and he is really smart. I've kind of envied that about him."

QUESTION

What habits and patterns did you have when you were going to school? Did they help or hinder you?

Point #2: AT THEIR FINGERTIPS

The landscape of today's learning has shifted completely from when Danielle and Garrett attended school. With technology at their fingertips, kids today can learn just about anything, anytime.
Garrett: "At their age, our kids are way fucking smarter than we were. They have more data in their brains; more points of reference. And they have access to shit that we didn't. From the time Ruby was four or five years old, she has been asking Siri questions about everything!"

QUESTION

What do you see as the pros and cons of how you learned in the past compared to how your kids are learning today?

Point #3: GENIUS DROP-OUTS

Many successful entrepreneurs and creators either dropped out of school or didn't finish school in the traditional sense. These include the creators of IKEA, APPLE, and Facebook. "Pretty much every major tool you use right now was built by a school dropout."
Garrett: As I look at what kids study in school, my thought is they might be better off studying Facebook ads, direct-response marketing, and persuasion & influence. When you look inside our families alone, the people with the least amount of education have made the most amount of money.

QUESTION

What has been your experience with this?

Point #4: AN ABUNDANCE OF POSSIBILITIES

Garrett: Imagine if, in the next six years, we spent three hours a day focused on turning our daughter into a weaponized speaker, marketer, and salesperson. And on top of that, she had the traditional reading, writing, and math, with the rest of the day filled with singing, art, playing the piano, and participating in team sports.
Danielle says she doesn't have any real answers right now but that she does have a lot of questions. "This is a frustrating topic that came up for us on Date Night. I feel like Garrett and I are on both sides of the spectrum. We value learning and we value work, but do we value the traditional ways of school?"

QUESTION

What are your feelings regarding the abundance of possibilities in education available to your child in today's world?

Point #5: OPENING DOORS

Danielle: As a parent, we wonder if we're leading our children in the right direction. Does the Universe manifest a path that they should take? Or, are we supposed to assist and open doors for them along the way?
Garrett: Part of our job is to open the doors and let them explore different rooms. While there are plenty of doors they're going to open themselves, as a parent, you open the door and watch what your child does.

QUESTION

What doors are you opening up for your children? What doors were opened up for you? What have been the results?

Communication Challenge:

Next week's topic is, "Babies: When do you know it's time to have a baby? When do you know it's time to stop having babies?" If you would like to be part of that conversation or have a question/ comment on this, please send an audio clip to garrett@wakeupwarrior.com. We'll throw you in the mix and play your audios on the air. Men, we want to hear from you!

Date Night Topic:

On your date this week, have a conversation around the different ways you learn. Are you more of an incessant reader and highlighter, or are prone to listening to podcasts and watching videos? Are you a little bit of each?

Quote of the Week:

"Parker does a great job, not because he's my son but because of who he is. Did I open the door? Sure!"

–Garrett J White

"Is it personality or path? Is it circumstance or timing? Are we put on this earth and literally ordained to have a certain path? Does everyone have an equal opportunity? I think at some level, everyone is given the opportunity to find it within themselves and that that's the point of life."

–Danielle K White

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