Daddy Squared: The Gay Dads Podcast

Latest Episodes:

1×13 Making Babies (Part 2) Dec 10, 2018

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When thinking about having kids via surrogacy, the legal part is just as important as the IVF process itself. Making sure that the agreements with the surrogate and the egg donor are set up properly is a solid base for the whole process itself. And then there are issues like legal guardianship and birth certificates that are also crucial for finishing the process with babies that are completely, legally yours. We turned to Fertility Lawyer and gay dad Richard Vaughn of International Fertility Law Group, to set the record straight about the legal steps that must be taken when having babies through IVF. If you're going through the surrogacy path, you're going to have more than just the agreement with the egg donor and with the surrogate. "You would typically have an agency, if you're being match with a surrogate or a donor agency, so you may have two agencies or you can find your surrogate and egg donor at the same agency," explains Fertility Lawyer Richard Vaughn. "You will have written agreements with the clinic, these are usually called Informed Consent Documents. In these documents the doctors need your consent before they proceed, so they should, in writing, explain the procedures, the medications, the risks to those things, the benefits, the goal." "Then you'll have contracts with the donor and with the surrogate, and there's additional legal work that follows after that including guardianship documents and the parental establishment court process." "The analogy to construction or building a house is quite crystal clear because in buying a house you've got escrow and you've got tons of documents that you're signing, some of them electronically, and you just click, click, click," adds Vaughn. "In many of these situations, at least with the Informed Consent Document at clinics it's a lot of stuff that goes over your head unless someone is explaining it to you." Get the Daddy2 Community Sheet! Fill in your email in order to get a link to download! [email-subscribers namefield="YES" desc="" group="Public"] About Richard Vaughn Fertility law attorney Rich Vaughn combined his passion for family formation with over 20 years of experience in business and technology law and founded International Fertility Law Group (IFLG), one of the most successful and best-known law firms in the world focusing on assisted reproductive technology law. Rich is also married to Tommy Woelfel and a father of twins born via surrogacy. Vaughn first studied reproductive and fertility law at Loyola University Chicago School of Law in the early 1990s. In 1993, Rich began providing litigation, contract, technology, marketing and corporate legal services to individual clients, companies and municipalities in Chicago and Los Angeles. During his own experience of becoming a parent via egg donation and surrogacy, Rich discovered a renewed passion for fertility law and launched IFLG, which focuses exclusively on assisted reproductive technology legal services. Since then he’s had the opportunity to help thousands of intended parents from all over the world create families via assisted reproduction. Episode Credits: Co-Hosts: Yan Dekel, Alex Maghen Guest: Richard Vaughn, International Fertility Law Group Music: Hercules & Love Affair, “Leonora” buy here Join our Facebook group! For any questions, comments or advise, please do not hesitate to contact us at hello@daddysqr.com, on Twitter @yanirdekel, or on Instagram Daddy Square: The Podcast is a part of GaysWithKids.com

1×12 Men Having Babies Conference Dec 03, 2018

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In this special episode, we flew to New York City to experience the annual Men Having Babies Conference. MHB provides unbiased surrogacy parenting advice and support for gay men worldwide. The Conference featured parenting options in the USA and Canada, in-depth panels — including on insurance, budgeting, and teen surrogacy children, and an Expo of surrogacy parenting info. In this episode we shed a light on the history and work of Men Having Babies, on the conference and on the Canadian surrogacy option. Did you know? Men's Having Babies' Gay Parenting Assistance Program (GPAP) helps make the dream of fatherhood a wider reality with financial assistance for prospecting parents' surrogacy journey. Click here to find more info Get the Daddy2 Community Sheet! Download a cheat sheet of what we learned during the first season of Daddy Squared: The Gay Dads Podcast, some gratuitous pictures of pretty men, and some ideas to think about. Also, we want to stay in touch with you and build an army of dads (and friends). Fill in your name and email and we'll send you a link to download! [email-subscribers namefield="YES" desc="" group="Public"] With over 8,500 future and current gay parents worldwide, the international nonprofit Men Having Babies (MHB) is dedicated to providing its members with educational and financial support community forum. The MHB conferences is organized with the help of prominent LGBT parenting organizations, provide unparalleled opportunities to get unbiased information, access a wide range of relevant service providers, and connect with others going through the surrogacy process. Special interest panels for parents, prospects and professionals include topics such as parenting for HIV+ men, speaking to your children about surrogacy and gay parenting, testimonials from teenagers born via surrogacy, and ethical considerations in surrogacy. This is definitely the recommended first step to take if you are a gay couple considering having biological children. It's definitely your boot-camp to kickstarting your parenting journey. View Men Having Babies' Mission Statement sheet Episode Interviews Anthony Brown, Founding Chairman of MHB Anthony currently is a senior associate at the law firm of Chianese and Reilly Law, P.C., heading its family and estates law division. He has been with MHB since its early days, was appointed as a board member and Secretary of the board of the organization upon its incorporation in July 2012. Anthony has served as Board Chairman since 2013. In 2010, CNN aired a documentary that followed Anthony and his husband Gary's quest for a family of their own. The documentary is titled 'Gary and Tony Have a Baby.' https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WYIIsdKgZjY Ron Poole-Dayan, Executive Director of MHB Ron has over 20 years of experience in marketing and business strategy development both in the USA and internationally. Ron and his husband Gary are among the first same-sex couples in the nation to father children through gestational surrogacy. Their twins, born in 2001, were conceived with the use of eggs donated by Greg's sister, and carried by gestational carrier. Ron has been the MHB program coordinator since 2005 and was appointed as the Executive Director of Men Having Babies upon its incorporation in July 2012. Frank Nelson, Board Member Frank is a high school teacher working with at-risk youth in Toronto, Ontario. Frank and his husband BJ have a son, Milo, who was born in June 2014 via gestational surrogacy. By some twist of fate, their birth photo went viral, and their surrogacy story was shared around the world. BJ gave an interview for Daddy2 in early 2018 in which he described the aftermath of their famous photo, and raising Milo in an interfaith home. Frank and BJ have written a children's book called Milo's Adventures: A Story About Love, about their surrogacy journey. Frank believes it's important to teach others about surrogacy and to show the world that family is about love. Nir Keren Originally from Israel now lives in Toronto with his partner, Bob, Nir Keren brings the awareness of the Canadian surrogacy option to intended parents seeking alternative options. Alongside Dr. Librach and the CReATe Fertility Centre, he has now established 'Babies Come True', a concierge service in Canada that will help and support international intended parents throughout their surrogacy journey. Episode Credits: Co-Hosts: Yan Dekel, Alex Maghen Music: Hercules & Love Affair, “Leonora” buy here Articles referred to in this episode: Frankie and BJ: Raising A Child In An Interfaith Home (Daddy Squared, January 2018) You have to know how these gay dads are responding to anti-gay hate campaigns (Gay Star News, June 2016) BJ and Frankie's page on Gays With Kids (GaysWithKids.com) Nir Keren speaks about surrogacy in Canada (YouTube, 2018) For any questions, comments or advise, please do not hesitate to contact us at hello@daddysqr.com or on Twitter @yanirdekel Daddy Square: The Podcast is a part of GaysWithKids.com

1×11 Other Ways of Parenting Nov 26, 2018

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So far in our podcast, we mostly interviewed dads who had their kids either through surrogacy or adoption. But there are other ways in which you can become dads. In this week's episode we look at two ways that are often overlooked: Known Sperm Donor, and Co-Parenting. David Dodge, managing editor at GaysWithKids.com is a father of two children, who he had together with a lesbian couple. Though he has no legal rights with the kids, they still call him 'papa,' and his parents go to visit their grandchildren even when he's not around. In our interview, David sheds light on being a Known Sperm Donor. [sbscrbr_form] In our second interview we had Bill Delaney and husband J.R. Parish on a Skype call from San Francisco. They are co-parents of two girls together with a lesbian couple. In the call they discuss this carefully planned (and amazing!) arrangement. Bill and J.R. have also provided us with the sample that they've found and used as base for the co-parenting agreement with their girls' mom (download here) and also created a cheat-sheet of questions and topics that should be discussed upon the decision to go into co-parenting During the episode, we count the ways* in which gay men can currently become dads: 1. Adoption 2. Surrogacy 3. Men who come out of straight partnerships and marriages 4. Sperm Donation (known or unknown donor) 5. Co-parenting *If you would like to add to or comment on this list please write to us at hello@daddysqr.com Our Family Coalition Our Family Coalition (OFC) is based in the Bay Area but is the largest state-wide advocacy organization for LGBT families. They’ve contributed to varying degrees to everything from marriage equality court cases, to getting LGBT inclusive curriculum added to CA’s public school system, to achieving the multi-parent legal recognition that was mentioned on our interview with Bill and J.R. Episode Credits: Co-Hosts: Yan Dekel, Alex Maghen Guests: David Dodge GaysWithKids.com, Bill Delaney & J.R. Parish Music: Hercules & Love Affair, “Leonora” buy here Articles referred to in this episode: Putting the ‘Known’ in Known Sperm Donor (David Dodge, The New York Times) The Known Sperm Donor (GaysWithKids.com) Top Three Benefits of 'Intentional Co-Parenting' for Gay Men & Couples (Bill Delaney, GaysWithKids.com) 11 Steps Gay Men Should Take Before Co-Parenting With a Female Friend (Bill Delaney, GaysWithKids.com) For any questions, comments or advise, please do not hesitate to contact us at hello@daddysqr.com or on Twitter @yanirdekel Daddy Square: The Podcast is a part of GaysWithKids.com

1×10 Working Dads Nov 19, 2018

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It's very much in vogue to talk about "work-life balance." And if ever the question of that balance was most important - and difficult - it's when babies and kids enter the picture. We interviewed Mike Stommel, who seems to have figured this out pretty well, to tell us what worked for him and his family, what didn't, and how it's evolved over time. And as an added bonus, your hosts had a thinly veiled fight on-air about how it's working (or not) for us. What more could you ask for?! View the episode page on GaysWithKids.com “I try to follow routine. I think for us is about trying to find the balance between work life and spending quality time with the kids during the weekdays as well,” says Mike Stommel, founder and principal of Lucky Break PR firm, a hard working dad. "I think that when they were newborns it was much easier. As they get older you have much more responsibility for their activities.” Mike says that after the age of 6 it's really important to keep a balance of trying to put the phone down, put the computer away and focus on “not-in-front-of-screen” activities, like cooking dinner, working with kids on homework or working on after school activities. “My 10 year old is acutely aware of how much time I spend on my phone or my computer,” he says. "I think that for the longest time she’d like to say that I didn’t work, I just stared on my computer all day… and I'm like, 'honey that is work, I work for my computer.’ so I think for her she’s always asking why I’m always working and I feel like when I give her response it sometimes it’s something like my parents would say. (‘you like nice things don’t you?!). I do feel a little bad, I think again It’s finding balance and making sure that I take time off, I disconnect from electronics, I do dinner, I cook dinner pretty much every night, I sit down, do homework with them…” About Mike Stommel Founder & Principal, Lucky Break Public Relations. Mike is a seasoned media professional with nearly two decades of experience leading high-impact PR campaigns for some of the nation’s most established and respected brands. A coastal Virginia native, Mike grew up in a rural area with his parents and three sisters. Following his graduation from Virginia Tech, Mike moved to Los Angeles, California eventually meeting his now husband of 17 years. Mike enjoys a healthy balance of work and family life as a husband, father of two young children, and the founder of a thriving national communications firm. A frequent traveler for both work and leisure, Mike maintains an active lifestyle whether it is hitting his local CrossFit gym or supporting his children on the sidelines of weekend youth sports leagues, enjoying a family day at the beach or riding bikes around Los Angeles. Mike is an avid supporter of LGBTQ causes and is passionate advocate for LA’s homeless youth. Episode Credits: Co-Hosts: Yan Dekel, Alex Maghen Guest: Mike Stommel, Lucky Break Public Relations Music: Hercules & Love Affair, “Leonora” buy here For any questions, comments or advise, please do not hesitate to contact us at hello@daddysqr.com or on Twitter @yanirdekel Daddy Square: The Podcast is a part of GaysWithKids.com

1×09 Stay-At-Home Dads Nov 12, 2018

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Don't mislead yourself: Stay-at-Home parenting is a full-time job - or more. It may be even tougher than the 'traditional' job because there're no days off, no sick days, no Medical, Dental and Vision coverage and no bonuses at the end of the year. Nevertheless, many dads choose to stay at home to take care of the kid(s). Some of them do it out of need to give their kids the 100% care they've always wished for, others do it as a part of a complete change in their life's direction. We spoke with Craig Sauer, who chose to stay at home and take care of his three kids until they were old enough that he could follow his passion of photography and turn it into a business of 3D Real Estate photography. Craig talked about being jobless before the kids came along and what part that played in his committing to be a stay-at-home dad, his full-time daddy job, and the transition to being a WAHD: Work At Home Dad. Craig says that having a stay-at-home dad can result in some guilt in the partner. Therefore, he advices to couples who consider having one of them stay at home to have the roles of each one of them clearly defined before the baby comes. "Not that one person has to do everything," Craig explains, "but it will be easier if one person will be Chief Management Officer of the household. "One of the choices that we made was that I was up all night with the kids, and I was like 'don't be guilty, go sleep. I need you to be able to make your decisions for your job to bring us money, and when I'm stumbling through the day so you'll be able to say hey I think you're boiling the baby instead of the dinner' or something. So going into this with those roles agreed upon and defined was really helpful to us." Episode Credits: Co-Hosts: Yan Dekel, Alex Maghen Guest: Craig Sauer, Craig Sauer 3D Opening Theme: Hercules & Love Affair, “Leonora” buy here Articles referred to in this episode: Most Americans say children are better off with a parent at home (Pew Research Center) The Amazing Journey These Gay Dads Took To Build Their Family (Huff Post) Stay-at-home moms turning into WAHMs (CNN) Daddy Square: The Podcast, Episode 2 'The everyday sexism I face as a stay-at-home dad' (BBC) Do Something that scares you For any questions, comments or advise, please do not hesitate to contact us at hello@daddysqr.com or on Twitter @yanirdekel

1×08 Entertaining Babies Nov 05, 2018

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Some of us used to sneak out to mom's closet and try on her shoes and clothes, pretending to be Cyndi Lauper-- this is what 'Entertaining Babies' is all about! How to use our inner (some would say: hidden) creativity during our time with our babies and toddlers. From the moment they open their eyes, bring out the Cyndi Lauper in you in order to stimulate them, create a vibe of music and laughter in the family without leaving your home! This episode is great for the winter season. Unless you are Lord Whatsisface of Downton Abbey, you're gonna have a pretty significant amount of time with your kid(s) from day one. When you're not changing diapers, feeding, bathing (and occasionally crying into your hands in the other room), how will you entertain and engage them during the period of their lives where they absorb the most? We interview Mark Reis, an entertainer himself - and a gay dad - about what he does. And, of course, we have no shortage of thoughts and opinions (oh, the opinions) of our own about what works. Spoiler Alert: The Itsy Bitsy Spider does not come off well in this episode. Go to the episode page on GaysWithKids.com About Mark Reis Mark is an actor, singer, dancer, solo artist, children's author and father relocated to Los Angeles with his partner in 2005 to learn more about adoption and creating a family. In 2008, with the help of Southern California Foster Family and Adoption Agency (now Extraordinary Families) they adopted their son Bodhi. Mark comes from a dance and theatrical background from the University of Utah, and 16 years in New York City as a professional Broadway dancer with credits such as FOSSE, CHICAGO, RADIO CITY MUSIC HALL, JESUS CHRIST SUPERSTAR, FUNNY GIRL, 42ND ST to name a few. In Los Angeles, Mark's main priority is Bodhi, but still he finds time to remain creative in his work with Disney in the FROZEN Live show at The Hyperion Theatre, performing his two solo 1 Man Shows (Broadway World Award for Best Male Cabaret Performer), performing regionally for The Hollywood Bowl, Music Theatre West, and 3D Theatricals, and teaching tap when the opportunities present themselves. Episode Credits: Co-Hosts: Yan Dekel, Alex Maghen Guest: Mark Reis, Actor, Dancer and Yoga Teacher Music: Hercules & Love Affair, “Leonora” buy here Articles referred to in this episode: Our Kids and "Gay Music" (Daddy Square blog) Carly Rae Jepsen - I Really Like You For any questions, comments or advise, please do not hesitate to contact us at hello@daddysqr.com or on Twitter @yanirdekel Daddy Square: The Podcast is a part of GaysWithKids.com

1×07 Making Babies (Part 1) Oct 29, 2018

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We turned to Dr. Guy Ringler, Reproductive Endocrinologist at California Fertility Partners to get an updated overview of the IVF and surrogacy options for gay men from a medical point of view. Are you too old to have kids? How to find the right egg donor? Is IVF becoming less expensive? These and other questions are answered in this episode of Daddy Square. "The cost [of IVF and surrogacy] is actually going up," Dr. Ringler states during the Daddy2 interview. "It's going up because everything gets more expensive, our Petri dishes are more expensive, the technology gets more expensive actually. And there's such a demand for surrogates that the amount that the agencies have to pay the surrogates goes up. So it's gradually increasing. It's not inexpensive, it's something you have to plan for." "I tell my patients it's somewhere between the cost of a really nice car and a small house in the Midwest." Go to the episode page on GaysWithKids.com Dr. Ringler's 5 Steps to Start Your Family: 1. Freeze sperm in Los Angeles Provide a semen sample for freezing and blood for infectious disease and genetic carrier screening. 2. Select Your Egg Donor Find your ideal donor from a diverse group of candidates. 3. Create Embryos For Freezing Embryos are cultured to the blastocyst stage and frozen. They can genetically screened prior to freezing if desired. 4. Select Your Surrogate Choose and meet (in person or via Skype) the surrogate mother that you would like to carry your child. 5. Embryo Transfer Transfer your embryo(s) into the surrogate. Ten days later is the pregnancy test and the beginning of your surrogacy journey. Terms you should be familiar with: IVF - Stands for In Vitro Fertilization. An assisted reproductive technique that is used to treat infertility due to multiple etiologies including tubal disease, male factor, endometriosis and unexpected causes. PGS Test - Preimplantation Genetic Screening. Testing the embryos to determine if they are genetically normal. Egg Freezing - a revolutionary technique that provides fertility options to delay pregnancy. Egg Donation - One of the most important factors effecting the pregnancy rate with IVF is the egg quality which is directly related to the age of the egg provider. IVF using eggs from a young and healthy egg donor provides embryos of optimal quality and pregnancy potential. About Dr. Guy Ringler Dr. Ringler graduated with honors from the University of Michigan before attending the Wayne State University School of Medicine. He trained in Obstetrics and Gynecology at the University of Chicago and completed a fellowship in Reproductive Endocrinology and Infertility at the University of Pennsylvania. In clinical practice in Los Angeles for over 25 years, he has developed an international reputation for excellence in all aspects of reproductive care, especially third-party reproduction utilizing egg donation and surrogacy. He was one of the world's first physicians to use assisted reproductive technologies to help gay men having children. Dr. Ringler was awarded a Family Building award from the American Fertility Association for his work, and has been named a Super Doctor by Los Angeles Magazine. He has lectured around the world to help educate members of the LGBT community about family-building treatment options. He continues to work and live in Los Angeles with his husband, architect Mark Rios. Episode Credits: Co-Hosts: Yan Dekel, Alex Maghen Guest: Dr. Guy Ringler, Reproductive Endocrinologist at California Fertility Partners Music: Hercules & Love Affair, “Leonora” buy here Articles referred to in this episode: Where to Start If You’re A Gay Couple Wanting to Have Kids (Yan Dekel, Daddy Square blog) Get Ready for Embryos From Two Men or Two Women (Dr. Guy Ringler, Time) Men Having Babies: The 14th Annual NY Men having Babies Surrogacy Seminar & Gay Parenting Expo is coming up November 10-11, 2018 Unsung Heroes: Surrogate Mothers to Same-Sex Couples (Dr. Guy Ringler, The Advocate) A Strip Mall Gay Bar in Detroit Helped Me Come Out (Dr. Guy Ringler, The Advocate) For any questions, comments or advise, please do not hesitate to contact us at hello@daddysqr.com or on Twitter @yanirdekel Daddy Square: The Podcast is a part of GaysWithKids.com

1×06: Pets and Babies Oct 22, 2018

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Dog and cat lovers! This one is for you: babies and puppies are a winning combination for cuteness, but it’s a hell of a combination to keep them all happy and healthy. This week we talked to Mark Hiebert, Medical Director at VCA TLC Animal Hospital in West Hollywood, about our pet-babies, about introducing a new baby into a house with pets, and - of course - about health and safety of our babies and puppies. Chocolate is not as toxic as you might have thought! Veterinarian Mark Hiebert blows up the chocolate-myth and says that it’s dangerous relatively to the dog’s weight and would require a whole lot more than you might think to do harm! Go to the episode page on GaysWithKids.com “Chocolate is not toxic in itself much more for your pet than even for you,” the veterinarian confirms. “The problem is - and the type of chocolate is very important, so let’s pick milk chocolate - the toxic dose is about an ounce per pound. This means that you have to eat a certain amount before it affects you. If I ate 164 ounces of milk chocolate I would be really ill. So if you dropped a chocolate chip on the floor – don’t panic. But don’t wrap your solid dark chocolate bar and put it under your Christmas Tree because the dog will smell it, they’ll eat the wrapper and the chocolate and they will need to come see me in the ER.” What is more concerning to veterinarians is consumption of raisins and grapes. “Raisins and grapes were banned from my house when we had dogs,” Dr. Hiebert says. “They can potentially be fatal. Even a tiny box of them for a medium-sized dog can potentially cause kidney failure. The same with grapes. Another thing that people don’t know about is the sweetener Xylitol. It’s in many sugarless gums; it’s in a lot of sugar-free gummy bear type things. It’s very safe for people and in diabetics it’s a very common sweetener. Very little [for dogs] can potentially cause liver failure, low blood sugar and so forth.” The Pet Food Industry is Insane “You’ve probably seen the ‘grain free’ symbols on dog food. It’s not nutritionally driven. it’s not under AFCO which is an organization that looks at nutritional quality for pets,” Dr. Hiebert reveals. “It started out as an advertising gimmick by one company. They put a grain-free logo on their bag and it soon took off and now the general population believes that ‘grain free’ has come from somewhere [because dogs are supposedly wolves and wolves eat meat].” “[Dogs] are no more wolves than we are our predecessors thousands of years ago. So genetically through selection, what wolves eat and what our pets eat is a little different. But there’s a whole marketing ploy, I mean, the pet food industry is insane. What you feed your dog is as controversial as what religion you are.” Protecting your Kids by Protecting Your Pet “For parents who have young children I really swear them away from [dogs’] raw diets,” Dr. Hiebert says, “because of the risks to human health. The Center for Disease Control has information on it’s website about feeding raw food diets to your pets because of the type of pathogens that are in the raw foods. Salmonella would be an example.” “Everybody washes their food and vegetables before they give them to the kids but they are not worried about the child going over and petting the dog. So if the pet has Salmonella in the stool and they’re going in the back yard, in the grass, the environment may have Salmonella organisms. That’s just one example. There are also other types of parasites that dogs and cats can get that can effect children so those would be things that I talk about with people with children. I try to address routine intestinal parasite control, flea control, things like that.” About Mark Hiebert Dr. Hiebert's family had a menagerie of pets and farm animals in northern Canada. After the first time their veterinarian came to their farm to examine one of the cows, Dr. Hiebert decided that he wanted to become a veterinarian too. He studied veterinary medicine at Western College of Veterinary Medicine in Saskatoon, Canada and has been practicing since 1990. In 2001, Dr. Hiebert joined the medical team at our hospital and shortly afterward became a partner. VCA TLC Animal Hospital has since become his home away from home. Early in his career Dr. Hiebert started a branch of the SPCA in his hometown in northern Canada. He became involved in the BC Veterinary Association and eventually served as president for a term. He is currently licensed to practice in California. Episode Credits: Co-Hosts: Yan Dekel, Alex Maghen Guest: Dr. Mark Hiebert, Medical Director at VCA TLC Animal Hospital Music: Hercules & Love Affair, “Leonora” buy here Articles referred to in this episode: GaysWithKids.com My Son Has Two Dads. This Is What Happened When He Started Calling Every Woman He Met ‘Mommy’ (Fatherly) ASPCA: The American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals For any questions, comments or advise, please do not hesitate to contact us at hello@daddysqr.com or on Twitter @yanirdekel

1×05: Single Dads Oct 15, 2018

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If you think parenting is hard for a couple, imagine what it’s like to be a single dad. This week we talked to Calvin Fleming, a gay, single dad and the owner of Public Relations and Marketing company, about work-life balance, raising two kids by himself – and, of course, about dating. “There was a point where I did consider opening myself up to dating, but after the adoption was finalized I started to open myself up to it and I went on Ok Cupid or Match and went on a couple of dates,” Calvin reveals. “You get the guys where you end up talking about the kids more and then you’re like ‘wait, which one of us do you want to date?’ and then you get the guys that are super cool that I have kids and they tell you how they already have Disneyland annual passes and they are ready to [get married]. It’s not a good path.” Nevertheless, Calvin says he remains open to dating but "I proceed cautiously. Right now I’m actually happy being single,” he says. No matter what gay couples think, the hardest challenge that single gay dads face is work-life balance. “I do work for myself so it makes things a little easier, because my schedule can be more flexible,” he says, “especially with the foster-adopt process, it takes time because you have a lot of meetings with social workers and therapists so you have to be flexible. I don’t understand how people with full-time jobs can jump in and out on a whim.” Speaking extensively on the foster-adopt path, Calvin advises to drop your prejudices about the biological parents who give up kids for adoption. “A lot of the time bio families in the adoptive world are seen as bad but they are not always bad,” he explains. “There are a lot of biological families that have good intentions but they know what boundaries they need to set for themselves (financial and realistic).” Also, Calvin finds it valuable to connect with gay single dads. “I find joy in meeting other single dads because it’s good to have something in common with other dads,” he says. Click here for the single gay dads group on Facebook About Calvin Fleming Calvin Fleming has more than 22 years of experience leading PR and marketing outreach on behalf of major consumer brands, start-up companies, cause-related marketing initiatives and government public education campaigns. Based on his wealth of experience, he’s able to bring together diverse teams to help clients meet their specific goals – collaborating with Spanish and multilingual media experts, social media and web developers, event planners, video production companies and other specialists. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AdfXsMb3agU&t=23s Episode Credits: Co-Hosts: Yan Dekel, Alex Maghen Guest: Calvin Fleming, GoodPR Music: Hercules & Love Affair, “Leonora” buy here Articles referred to in this episode: Gay Dads Group on Facebook For any questions, comments or advise, please do not hesitate to contact us at hello@daddysqr.com or on Twitter @yanirdekel

1×04 Dad Groups Oct 07, 2018

Show notes

Interactions with other gay dads benefit both the dads and their kids: The dads can hang together and openly discuss -- y'know -- gay stuff, and the kids grow up witnessing other families similar to theirs. On this week's episode we tackle gay dad groups with John Ireland, the president of Pop Luck Club, the biggest gay dad group in LA. Ireland, who adopted four kids (and fostered another 2) also discusses fostering and adoption as a part of the Raise A Child program that grew out of Pop Luck Club. Last but not least, a big message to gay couples thinking about becoming parents: you are already a member of the gay dads community. Starting your own support group of gay dads in your city is much less complicated than what you might think. “I am surprised how easy it is to start an grassroots organic [group] like this," says John Ireland, the president of Pop Luck Club, "because if there’s a need people will show up.” “Find a tree in a park, put out some blankets, bring on some food and then get it into the paper somehow so people understand that’s what you’re doing. Put up a sign, talk through local networks, coffee shops, flyers. I am constantly surprised how many people there are who want to start families…you have to be creative to get the word out.” You can also write to us and we’ll help you set up an online structure. We also invite gay couples thinking about becoming dads to become part of our community. We don’t want people to feel they only become 'real' when they have children. “I think it’s very important to always create a safe space for people without kids," John says. "Every email we ever send reminds them, this is also very focused on prospective parenting, when we march every year in the gay pride parade in west Hollywood, half of the group doesn’t have kids. I want people to understand that we’re on a path, you’re not just become a member when you get your child because the reality is it can take a while and sometimes it takes much longer than you anticipate.” Remember: parenting is not as easy for some people as it is for others. This is why it's important to become each other's support group. Tips and Recommendations Discussed in This Episode You can start your own gay dads group with as little as two dads (or sets of dads), and build from there. Get on a WhatsApp group and add new dads as you meet them. 2. Find a tree in a park, put out some blankets, bring on some food and then get it into the paper somehow so people understand that’s what you’re doing. Put up a sign, talk through local networks, coffee shops, flyers. 3. If your kid refuses to do something (for instance: go to school), shoot a "photo diary" by documenting the process and send it to Shutterfly to create a book. When the process becomes a story it can be easier for your child to get used to that process). 4. In order to avoid conflict with toddlers it's not a crime to sometimes give a vague answer, like "maybe later," or "let's do that other thing first and then we'll see." The answer doesn't have to always be a defined "Yes" or "No." Episode Credits: Co-Hosts: Yan Dekel, Alex Maghen Guest: John Ireland, President, Pop Luck Club Music: Hercules & Love Affair, “Leonora” buy here Articles referred to in this episode: Virginia Mom Warns Parents After 'Perfectly Healthy' Toddler Nearly Dies From Teething Gel (People Magazine, 3/8/2018) 10 Infant Deaths May Be Related to Teething Remedies, F.D.A. Says (The New York Times, 10/18/2016) For any questions, comments or advise, please do not hesitate to contact us at hello@daddysqr.com or on Twitter @yanirdekel

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