DadAwesome

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69 | Mom Month Part 2 (Stephanie Gutierrez & Renee Burt) May 12, 2019

Show notes

Happy Mother's Day! This conversation is part 2 of our Mom Month and we had the privilege of a double awesome conversation with Renee Burt and Stephanie Gutierrez. We explore the power of a hug, speaking words of life, modeling our Heavenly Father's love and praying for miracles while living with love and thankfulness.

Episode 69 Conversation Notes:

Living with expectancy and joy (1:52)
Romans 8:15 "This resurrection life you received from God is not a timid, grave-tending life. It's adventurously expectant, greeting God with a childlike "What's next, Papa?" (2:32)
My dad not only loved me, but he liked me (4:43)
When you know your parents like you, it changes everything... My dad came home from work excited to play with us (5:05)
If Jesus would want to be your kids best friend, then why would I as their mother not want to be their best friend (5:50)
Love and like your kids (7:22)
A dad who prioritized teaching his kids the Bible and not in an oppressive way, but in a life-giving way (7:50)
My dad looked at me with such love that it helped give me an understanding of God's love (8:35)
He loves to play with his daughters and get into their world, but he also loves to invite his daughters into his world (9:10)
Our kids feel so safe in their dads love (9:45)
My daughter says that she's not going to settle for a guy to marry unless he's at least as good as her dad (9:45)
Speaking positive words over your wife (10:45)
You have a huge impact on your wife's parenting. Even if you don't see it, keep affirming (11:25)
Seeing a dad who cries over the work of God in his daughters life... The Generation curse was broken (11:50)
Every morning they would wake up believing for a miracle... Every day their first look at their daughter was disappointment (13:30)
Reading in Romans revealed more of the love of God. The lack of healing in their daughter was not their fault as her parents (14:25)
"I didn't have to wait to fully accept her and fully love her until she walked in healing. God loved her right now and right then." (15:00)
The shock of learning that her kids were moving away to the mission field in Peru (16:30)
God whispered in a soft voice, "I have not forgotten you" (17:25)
Sharing her testimony... the raw and vulnerable version (18:10)
God's lessons are bigger than ours. He never forgets us (1835)
Tell your story and you will impact their story (1820)
What is better than that? Seeing God take the pain in your life and turn it around to help someone else (2005)
Tell your daughters how beautiful and valuable they are (2034)
Every little girl wants to hear that they are beautiful and if they do not hear it from their dad, they will go to others to find it (21:10)
Tell your daughter every single way that they are awesome and tell them all the time (21:30)
Learn about the love languages of your kids (21:35)
Look for ways that you can speak love in ways that are meaningful to your daughter (21:10)
The importance of the hug and the embrace of a dad (20:25)
The desire for a hug and embrace. We want it from our dads and we wanted from our heavenly father (23:00)
You might be speaking love loud and clear, but if it is not the type of love your wife wants, it can be grating for her (23:50)
An ideal Mother's Day for Stephanie is not needing to do anything. Acts of service is her love language (24:18)
Renee explained that receiving flowers brought back pain from when she was a daughter. Her dad would bring flowers anytime he had an affair. Flowers meant an apology because of her family history (25:10)
It really comes down to communication... If you are in doubt, ask your wife. Don't guess (26:10)
The wife really needs to tell the husband what she wants. Help a guy out. Make a list of things you would like and give that list to your husband (26:45)
Major on the major and minors on the minors. Don't spend too much energy on things that are not a big deal (28:10)
Focus on the character and the qualities of your kids heart (28:35)
Limited attention span's and being intentional with cell phone usage. When you are with your kids, really be with them (29:45)
Work life bleeding over into home life (30:15)
The ability to focus and really listen to your kids when your phone is buzzing is very difficult (30:25)
Set the phone down and really listen to your kids (29:45)
The temptation to let your eyes glaze over and stop really listening to your kids... don't let your mind drift off and go someplace else in your head (31:05)
If your kid talks a lot, listen and look for the treasure buried in the long winded conversation (33:10)
The importance of finding common ground with your kids. Find a way to connect (35:00)
Help each child know individually that they are special (36:05)
Find things with each child that are "just us" moments... Special Time (36:40)
Take 10 to 15 minutes every day for individual one on one time with each child (37:00)

Love Languages

Stephany and Danny's Missions Website (Peru):

68 | You don't need to be Superman (Laurel Bunker) May 05, 2019

Show notes

This is the first part of Mom Month and we're thrilled to take the month of May to gather wisdom from some incredible women. Laurel Bunker is the Dean of Campus Ministries/Campus Pastor at Bethel University in St. Paul, Minnesota. As campus pastor, Laurel serves as the primary preacher in chapel and leads a team that is dedicated to providing transformational ministry opportunities for the Bethel community. She is a member of the President's Executive Leadership Team, providing strategic guidance on issues related to the spiritual formation and personal development of the student body. She also teaches and trains at colleges, churches, and para-church organizations in the areas of leadership, spiritual development, biblical issues in the 21st-century, and more. Laurel and her husband, Joshua, have two daughters.

Conversation Notes:

Never underestimate the importance of your life and your roll as dad in life and in your children's world (7:15)
Culture and the demonic work of Satan are trying to break men (7:50)
Having kids gives you a place to be emotional (8:30)
What your child wants from you is not perfection. What they want is your time and your love. (8:45)
Your computer your phone your hobbies your job and are not as important as your kids (8:50)
Love your wife well in front of your kids (9:15)
He rarely calls his girls by their name. He calls them beautiful (9:50)
Work hard, but don't let your job come before your kids (9:55)
I can be strong and beautiful in the eyes of my father and my Heavenly Father (11:10)
Get down on your knees when you are talking to your little kids. Your voice is louder and stronger than you are aware of (11:45)
Their girls seeing pain through youth ministry and hard tragic events of suicide and teen pregnancy (14:15)
Calling their girls into painful moments and processing pain together (14:35)
Walking with their girls through pain and trusting the heart of our Heavenly Father and His grace and mercy even when we're not sure (15:50)
Pain can be an opportunity to be vulnerable... Don't just shuttle away the emotions (16:50)
Take daily things and bring God's word into those moments (20:00)
Holman Field Restaurant https://www.holmanstable.com/
Boys, Boundaries and "Bexpectations" (22:35)
Using rhythms of daily life to apply the Gospel (23:10)
Business creates blinders... when you are consumed with your own vision for what you need to do (24:10)
Little girls don't always need superman. They just need daddy to lay on the floor and let them crawl all over him (24:50)
Please don't introduce your kids to technology too early (25:25)
Guard your hearts in your own sexual lives (25:35)
If there's brokenness, find a group of brothers to find freedom with together (25:50)
The kingdom of God operating in all it's fullness with men and women working together (28:26)
Don't give us. Forgive your dad if you need to. Seek the Lord to find healing so you don't drag all that muck into your relationship with your own kids. (28:50)

Links:

Bethel Campus Ministries Team: https://www.bethel.edu/christian-formation/staff

Facebook

67 | Model Wonder or Become an Inflexible Sour Puss (Steve Argue) Apr 28, 2019

Show notes

Steve Argue is associate professor of youth, family, and culture at Fuller Theological Seminary and applied research strategist at the Fuller Youth Institute. Steve researches, speaks, and writes regularly on topics surrounding adolescence, emerging adulthood, faith, and spiritual struggle. This is the 4th conversation in our Creativity Month (April 2019).

Conversation Notes:

3:05 - We wanted to raise confident females who were comfortable in their own shin. Who knew their own voices.
3:25 - looking at the world differently through our girls eyes
4:05 - keep reminding our kids who they are and whose they are
5:15 - the pain of moving as a family and the impact on their girls
5:55 - my daughter is feeling pain and I can't take this away.
6:00 - it's never too early and never too late to be the best can you can be in this moment
7:45 - early on the assumption is that your kids will always be pursuing you... And then we get lazy as dads and the relationship is changing. We must continue to pursue them.
8:35 - story about the post-it note "They're not going to knock forever"
11:05 - accidentally turning our kids into the identifying patient.
11:40 - what type of father do I need to be today for my kids
12:09 - growing with parenting is a mutual journey of intentional growth for both ourselves and our children that trusts God to change us all
12:50 - FREE chapter of book Growing With and free quiz for dads: https://growingwithbook.com/dadawesome/
14:10 - "Withing" and Family Warmth >> we need to realize that the relationship is going to change.
15:07 - Relational warmth is more important that teaching. They need to be loved and cared for and seen and relationally present more than anything.
16:05 - never give up... the next day is a new day and we can step closer to our kids and try again.
16:58 - Fatherhood research about the impact of a dad...
17:40 - dads play a really important role... We as dads must be careful in drifting towards passivity
18:12 - looking to an adult figure is how kids learn about what their Heavenly Father is like
18:40 - we need to go for it. Don't hold back in talking about your faith.
19:05 - do something crazy for Jesus and give God credit for it
20:05 - going out for coffee and dad buys and then they talk about serious things
20:30 - "Tell me something you believe about faith that you don't think dad believes"
20:40 - "Tell me something you used to believe that you no longer believe"
22:00 - Learner stage, Explorer stage or a Focuser stage and what type of parenting is needed in each of these stages?
23:10 - Try to say YES more than NO... I think we should respond with YES more often. Why not?
24:02 - We must make room for creativity. A rushed life has no room for creativity.
24:35 - Living filled with WONDER
25:00 - Nobody says, when I'm in my 60's or 70's I'm going to be inflexible and a sour puss. It sneaks up on us.
25:15 - How do we make sure we're infusing wonder in our own lives?
25:27 - How do we show genuine interest in our kids?
25:40 - "If you could describe your day as a dessert, what kind of a day did you have today?"
26:50 - avoid putting all our eggs in one epic basket. Look for the epicness in the little things along the way.
28:40 - You were made to be a dad and your kids need you. Help them find their voice and never give up
29:20 - you're not alone. Seek out another dad to take this fatherhood journey together with. Don't father alone.

Episode Links:

Free Chapter and Parent Quiz

Growing With: Every Parent's Guide to Helping Teenagers and Young Adults Thrive in Their Faith, Family, and Future

http://www.stevenargue.com/

66 | Fatherhood insights from the life of Abraham (Jeremy Pryor) Apr 21, 2019

Show notes

Jeremy Pryor is a business owner, creative entrepreneur, author, podcaster and a builder of multiple movements with family at the core. We're incredibly thankful for this conversation with Jeremy about his time in Jerusalem, welcoming his children into creative roles in his company and the long term iterating of their family sabbath. This is part 3 of our Creativity Month.

Resources from Jeremy Pryor:

Conversation Highlights with Jeremy Pryor:

Meeting his wife in Jerusalem (7:55)
Jewish dads and the intentionality of men with children ((9:30)
The life of Abraham and his role as a father (9:45)
Asking a dangerous question- is there a connection with Abraham and how he saw family? (10:40)
The Bible exclusively sees family through a fatherhood and family lens
Abraham saw family as a multigenerational team on mission (11:30)
Fatherhood insights from Jerusalem - Encounter, consider it, be influenced, adopt these principles (12:00)
Story about Jeremy's daughter joining him on mission with his podcast (13:20)
It's ok to sweep your kids into your own quirky obsessions (14:20) >> Strategically propagandizing his kids
Superhero movies and the explosion of interest with the mythical (15:40)
They read the same 5 passages of scripture each week as a family (16:50)
Book Life together by Bonhoeffer
Deuteronomy 6
Bible Midrash (17:30)
Friday night epic meal to kick off the sabbath (18:00)
Friday feast - Iterating on their sabbath for 15 years (18:20)
It's a skill to learn how to honor God with the sabbath (19:45)
Entering Rest
Cleaning up as a team. Make it a dance party (20:15)
Sabbath - if your kids don't see the sabbath day as their favorite day of the week, then you're doing it wrong" (22:00)
The sabbath is the Zenith of the week. Make it fun and make it meaningful and give yourself lot's of grace. The goal is for the sabbath to be life giving
Goal - for his kids to all want to honor the sabbath when they are grown
A mentor told Jeremy that he wasn't connecting with his sons heart (25:00)
My bar was not at the right place with regards to what it meant to really have your kids heart at every stage (26:50)
Are you partnering really well with your wife in this current season? (28:50)
Don't be passive. Be a leader. Be a directive leader. (29:00)
Be a strong central presence in the home in the stage of young kids. (30:00)
Be a culture setter in the home (30:20)
Creativity is within the mandate of Genesis 1 (30:45)
God had a creative challenge and he set loose the family (31:30)
There in nothing more central to the mandate of the family than being creative (32:20)
Thinking about family as an investment with a much longer time horizon (34:00)
We are not the center of our story. We're part of a much bigger multigenerational story (34:45)
When dads start thinking multigenerational (35:20)

65 | The Myth of Balance (Frank Bealer) Apr 14, 2019

Show notes

We're thrilled to have Frank Bealer joining us for part 2 of our Creativity Month. Frank is the Executive Director of Leadership Development at Orange / The reThink Group and CEO of Phase Family Centers. Prior to Orange he was the Family Pastor at Elevation Church in Charlotte North Carolina where he oversaw family ministry at more than a dozen locations. He recently released his first book, "The Myth of Balance".

Conversation Highlights:

I want to be proud of what I do at work and share that with my kids (7:50)
Story of Frank's son flipping his truck and the scary moment of seeing his son broken, scared and crying (10:15)
Life 360 app (12:00)
Screen time setting for needing approval for downloading apps (14:25)
Independent, Christ followers that want to come back and spend time with us (16:30)
Creating warm memories... consistent things done over time (17:10)
Monopoly for Millennials Board Game
Earn opportunities to connect and guide (19:00)
The mistake of imposing personal wins on his kids (19:50)
When this, then that strategy (24:00)
The Myth of Balance book (Amazon link)
The planning of their kids perfect Saturday (31:10)
How would you plan the perfect day with a $25 budget (32:00)
Teaching creativity inside limited constraints (32:20)
What if I'm too maxed out for intentionality and creativity? (33:15)
The importance of tracking your time and finding pockets of time for connection (34:20)
Serving his family with as much passion as he puts towards serving others (35:45)
1 Thessalonians 2:11-12 "For you know that we dealt with each of you as a father deals with his own children, encouraging, comforting and urging you to live lives worthy of God, who calls you into his kingdom and glory." (36:35)
- Encouraging
- Comforting
- Urging

Connect with Frank Bealer

Frank's website - https://www.helpingleaderswin.com/
The Myth of Balance book (Amazon link)
Blog post about Frank joining the Orange Team
Family Phase Center

64 | Get Your Masters in Creativity (Bob Stromberg) Apr 07, 2019

Show notes

Comedian, speaker and master of creativity Bob Stromberg joins dadAWESOME for part 1 of Creativity Month. For over forty years he has traveled the world performing his very unique and perfect blend of standup, story and shtick. He's the co-author and an original star of the megahit theatrical comedy, Triple Espresso (A Highly Caffeinated Comedy), which has been seen by over two million people from San Diego to the West End of London.

Conversation Highlights:

A fathers response to hearing a crazy idea from a son... "That's Perfect" (10:50)
The importance of knowing your child. Knowing truly who they are. (11:30)
The importance of remembering how fast time is moving. Imagine your kids out in the future (14:30)
Creative process - remember the GET acronym
The first step in the creative process - GRAB (17:45)
The second step is to INTERROGATE... Ask questions (18:45)
When the thought becomes an idea you can TRANSFORM (19:45)
GET = grab, interrogate and transform
That's what love does... it opens itself up to pain (20:50)
The importance of play (21:00)
Get outside and play (22:30)
In Search of Greatness (22:50)
Kids have a difficult time knowing how to create playful moments on their own (24:20)
the creative process explained through kids learning how to play (25:10)
We are all born with a capacity to experience creativity and a desire to experience creativity. That's the gift. (25:50)
What if a dad feels they're not very creative? (27:10)
Dads and moms are over-scheduling their kids (27:30)
The definitive biography of Tiger Woods (book) (29:15)
More free time for prisoners that for our kids... (25:40)
Play is at the basic most fundamental level of creativity (31:15)
We don't laugh enough as families (32:20)
The difference between success in the world and success as a parent (34:15)
You go from having total control to having zero control as a successful parent... you keep giving up more control (35:00)
Play is important, but prayer is more important (37:00)
We are at war against spiritual forces and the only way to fight is through prayer (38:00)

Links for further exploration:

Bob Stromberg - website

Mastering the Craft of Creativity Free Introductory Video

Triple Espresso (link)

63 | Technology Action Steps, Worshipping God Through Trials & Trusting God in the Fire (Jeff Zaugg) Mar 31, 2019

Show notes

We release dadAWESOME episodes every Sunday and since this month (March 2019) has 5 Sundays, this is a special bonus episode. Jeff Zaugg shares his reflections on the previous 4 episodes outlining 5 action steps to put this these insights around Screens, Smartphones and Social Media into action. Expanding beyond the technology theme, Jeff shares three stories about trials, pain and choosing to worship in a season of unanswered prayer.

ACTION STEPS from the previous 4 episodes:

Hit the "Pause Button" and calm down before responding >> "Angry outbursts teach our kids I can't go to mom, she'll freak out or dad isn't safe. Consider the ramifications of that feeling. If mom or dad isn't safe, then who will our kids run to for comfort, for advice and for admiration." (19:45 mark of episode 59)
Walk with your kids and become a "Media Mentor" >> We need to walk with and dialog with our kids be creating a safe atmosphere for conversations (20:30 mark of episode 60)
Reframe technology to be a fun family connection vs. a battle mentality that frames technology as hostile >> (16:16 mark of episode 61)
Avoid using technology as a negative punishment >> Try to minimize punitive conversations around screen time, social media and smartphones (30:00 mark of episode 61)
Trust God to bring darkness to light >> embrace the opportunity to walk along side our kids when they are exposed to something on their screens. (20:43 mark of episode 62)

Worshipping God while Walking through Trials:

Acts 16:22-26 "The crowd joined in the attack against Paul and Silas, and the magistrates ordered them to be stripped and beaten with rods. After they had been severely flogged, they were thrown into prison, and the jailer was commanded to guard them carefully. When he received these orders, he put them in the inner cell and fastened their feet in the stocks. About midnight Paul and Silas were praying and singing hymns to God, and the other prisoners were listening to them. Suddenly there was such a violent earthquake that the foundations of the prison were shaken. At once all the prison doors flew open, and everyone's chains came loose."
James 1:2-5 "Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.

Trusting God in the Fire:

Story of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego
Daniel 3:15 "if you will not worship, you will immediately be cast into the midst of the furnace of blazing fire…and what God is there who can deliver you out of my hands?"
As the King was concerned, the only options were to bow or burn; but it didn't ruffle these Hebrew boys because they had a third option: BELIEVE
18 "but even if he does not deliver us from the fire."
Hebrews 12:2 "who for the joy set before him endured the cross;"

Hillsong song "Another in the Fire" "And should I ever need reminding How good You've been to me. I'll count the joy come every battle. Cause I know that's where You'll be"

Another in the Fire (Hillsong United) - Joel Houston and Chris Davenport talk about the story behind Another In The Fire by Hillsong UNITED

Here's a link to my dad's Caring Bridge Updates

62 | Walking with our Kids Towards Authenticity & Vulnerability. Screens, Smartphones & Social Media Part 4 (Jake Sullivan) Mar 24, 2019

Show notes

Jake Sullivan joins us for part 4 of Screens, Smartphones & Social Media. This conversation dives into his family journey of adopting three kids from Ghana, Africa and the beauty found in trusting God's goodness. We discuss the challenges in communication skills that our kids are facing along with the power of living life along side our children.

Conversation Highlights:

International adoption from Ghana, Africa
Acts 1:8
"I want my son to know who he is and where he is from"
"Often we don't get to see the blessings and the faithfulness of God until after our obedience"
Love is displayed through truth. God loved through truth. Let's love our kids and let's speak truth to our kids.
A good coach will see your weaknesses and they'll walk along side you and help you grow.
Walk with your kids more intentionally in the areas of sex and God's plan for sex
Book: Rethinking Sexuality
We are teaching and living life with our kids - bring your kids everywhere with you
Deuteronomy 6:6-8 "These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads."
Intentionally live life together. Don't separate your home life and your work life.
God's Goodness. God is good on the mountain top and He is good in the valley.
God is the lifter when your head is weary. He makes me strong.
I don't want to come across as a legalistic dad taking things from you.
Authenticity & Vulnerability through screens, smartphones and Social Media.
The God of our universe sees and He knows who you are
Do you trust God? That He will bring the darkness to the light?
We have a faithful God that wants to see us know him
Do I trust the Lord? That the Lord has my kids best interest in mind?
Communication - our kids are having a more difficult time communicating
The ability to communicate is something that screens are taking away from the next generation.
Knowing Gods goodness in the valley and on the mountain.
I want my kids to see me go through a valley and never turn from Gods goodness
Walk life with your children
Don't let your children's sin feel like a reflection of you as their father.
Walk with them and love them and don't try to hide your kids sin

Powerful story about the Sullivan Family featured in the Star Tribune

61 | Technology isn't the enemy. Mario Kart, making movies and more ways for families to connect (Brad Griffin) Mar 17, 2019

Show notes

Brad Griffin joins dadAWESOME for part 3 of our Screens, Smartphones and Social Media theme. Brad is the Director of the Fuller Youth Institute, where he develops research-based training for youth workers and parents. He recently coauthored Every Parent's Guide to Navigating our Digital World.

Conversation Highlights:

Don't miss these moments
Phase research from Orange - Phase Guides are an 18-part series of concise and interactive journal-style books that simplify what parents need to know about each phase of a kid's life and give them the opportunity to discover more about their children—so they can make the most of every phase.
The delicate dance of knowing when to help his daughter and when to just listen and do nothing
I can rest when I am older. If it means I am going to sleep a little less to play that game or spend that extra time with my kids now, I'll rest later.
We need to ask for help - ask others for help... don't parent alone
Let's move beyond treating technology as the enemy
Digital natives vs. digital immigrants.
The similarities between a school lunch room and the digital world
Let's prioritize the relationship and keep the relationship in the center and don't let media get in the center.

10 Things Every Parent Should Know About Gaming

Every Parent's Guide to Navigating our Digital World

60 | Media Mentor Dads (Jonathan McKee) Mar 10, 2019

Show notes

This is the second part of our technology conversation with Jonathan McKee and we dive deep into current realities and practical action steps. If you missed part 1 of our conversation, here's episode 59. Jonathan McKee is the author of over twenty books and has over 20 years youth ministry experience speaking to parents and leaders worldwide. Free resources at https://thesource4parents.com/

Jonathan's Featured Books:

The Teen's Guide to Social Media & Mobile Devices 21 Tips to Wise Posting in an Insecure World

If I Had a Parenting Do-Over: 7 Vital Changes I'd Make

Conversation notes:

Common Sense Media has a study from 2015 >> teenagers average 9 hours per day of media consumption
In 2012 Americans crossed the 50% mark for smart phone owners
12-17 year olds... 89% of them have a smart phone
We Listen to Music For More Than 4 1/2 Hours A Day, Nielsen Says - more info
Adults average 10 hours and 45 minutes per day on media
Parents spend more time looking at a screen than talking with their kids or their spouse
Anxiety, depression and teen suicide... Mental health is taking a dive and all the studies are saying that smart phones are playing a big part and self-esteem is at an all-time low
The more time you spend on your device and especially social media, the more depressed you will be
The average kid gets a smartphone at 10.3 years old
Instagram and Snapchat only allows kids 13 years old or older (COPA privacy law)
Free resource from Jonathan McKee: Answering 30 top questions from today's parents
No mater how many parent controls you have, you can't block everything.
The best parental control is conversations with your kids
Guide for parental controls from Common Sense Media
How do we start having conversations and teaching truth in this world of lies?
If we teach our kids truth, it's going to equip them when they are exposed to the world's lies.
Three Types of Parents: (Alexandra Samuels study with 10,000 parents)
- Limiter
- Enablers
- Media Mentors

Special thanks to:

Sound Engineering:WADE B PRODUCTIONS
Episode Music:Brent Haglund

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