Crooked Butterfly Podcast

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Unpacking "The Box" (part 2) Mar 06, 2019

Show notes

Here is the second half of last week's recording. This section begins to open into the transition to where I'm growing in outlook and approach at addressing things I've stashed away and bunkered in.
Ultimately, I think it's been a progression from hiding & ignoring, to protecting, through acknowledging then managing, and ideally now reckoning & growth.
...
I'm not looking for constructive feedback or acknowledgment/permission on the manner I've chosen to handle things. I am just sharing in the event that it helps others understand the thought processes and circumstance for how and why I chose.
I'm inviting others in. In to my healing process and emotional space.
...
I broke this into two parts and make no apologies for omitting some sort of splicing in intros, exits, or transition. I did it because I don't want 70min podcasts. I chose the parting point where I think a shifting from explaining the circumstances to a growth moment for me is occurring.

Unpacking "The Box" (part 1) Feb 27, 2019

Show notes

I've been working for the last few years at pulling out "The Box" of experiences I wasn't ready to process; for various different reasons.
I don't know if it was a healthy thing to do, or constructive, or responsible, or whatever in how I chose to compartmentalize and bury it deep. I do know that it had its benefits and also drawbacks, not only for myself but for the example it may have set for others.
I'm not looking for constructive feedback or acknowledgment/permission on the manner I've chosen to handle things. I am just sharing in the event that it helps others understand the thought processes and circumstance for how and why I chose.
I'm inviting others in. In to my healing process and emotional space.
...
I broke this into two parts and make no apologies for omitting some sort of splicing in intros, exits, or transition. I did it because I don't want 70min podcasts. I chose the parting point where I think a shifting from explaining the circumstances to a growth moment for me is occurring.

Suffering, Really? Feb 20, 2019

Show notes

I protect certain words of my vocabulary in order to preserve the power and value of that word.
I've never truly suffered. I've faced some serious adversity, experienced pain, and have been in absolutely punishing environments, but I've never truly suffered. I don't like to associate anything that I chose to do as a process to experience suffering. To me, it takes away my responsibility in success or enduring and it also forces me to take responsibility for failing.

What kind of Leader was I? Feb 13, 2019

Show notes

I received a DM from gym_stu79 this week that took me off guard. Not because it was an off-putting query but more because I needed time to really dig in and think about it. I didn't want to answer in text so decided to take some time to reflect and now share.
What kind of Leader was I?
As I fumble through various categorizations and walk through the timeline of the beginning of my career until now, only a few things seem to pattern consistently.
I was always evolving. Going from getting comfortable in a position to becoming set in some way to then finding myself in a new position or environment to draw upon the past but to remain stagnant if I didn't evolve.
Maybe the most important thing that came out of this reflection exercise was identifying what I am today, where I can try to grow moving forward, and appreciate that it is an ever slowly evolving process to be enjoyed - not stressed about.

Liars, Cheats, & Thieves Feb 06, 2019

Show notes

I'm taking a stance on this one and trying not to come off as righteous or on some high finger pointing platform. I'm also not saying I'm perfect or don't fail at times. But I am saying it's all the same and it's all Stealing. Stealing the truth, stealing opportunity, and just downright stealing. Where have we started to draw the line at almost tolerating cheats and accepting liars as kinda commonplace? I don't know, but I do know where the slippery slope starts: fibbery, white lies, and embellishment.

Over-Inflated Self Assessment Jan 30, 2019

Show notes

I got triggered late last week to look at my own opinion of myself as I was tempted to respond to a few questions generally about self-promotion. I remember the gist of a phrase about letting others speak your worth is worth ten times you speaking your own. I decided to not go to adamantly down that path and ended up rambling about a research article I was presented on ignorance and self assessment. I don't want to be ignorant. I certainly don't want to be accused of it, but the former would be the greater of two worses.

Lead, Follow, or Get Out of the Way Jan 23, 2019

Show notes

I've spent a lot of time thinking about Followership and can't help but to dislike the term. Spell check even says it isn't a word. I'm not a fan of the Leading & Following dichotomy. To follow suggests passivity and an absence of responsibility. And if it doesn't suggest it, I can't help but to feel soft when I take on the receipt of "follower". I'm always leading. I'm not always 'in charge' or at the endstate of authority / responsibility, but I am always leading; actively engaged in supporting the cause. Following drifts into mindlessness and creates patterns of dependency.

A Process to Resilience Jan 16, 2019

Show notes

What started out as a conversation about a 7 day no calorie eating challenge ended up identifying a process to resilience, grit, mental toughness, ... ... whatever you want to call it.

Forgiving & Forgetting Jan 09, 2019

Show notes

Spent an amazing last week+ digging into great things and it put me in a wonderful hole of introspection regarding forgiveness. Decided to try to talk it through what's in my head out loud to see if I could make any greater connections with it. I'm trying to not let things; especially simple things, bring me to increasingly agitated states and responses so quickly. I think there is a self correction in personal behavior that I can make that will have direct affect on my emotional reactions to other's behavior.

Consistency between Belief, Word, & Action Jan 02, 2019

Show notes

Talk about a few little simple things that I habituate myself doing that carries forward to much bigger things. From "leaving it better than I found it" to the simple courtesies of please, thank you & you're welcome, and small acts that default to thinking of others first I'm grabbing back onto a few habits I somehow lost over the recent past.

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