Creating a Family: Talk about Adoption, Foster & Kinship Care

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Helping Internationally Adopted Children Develop a Healthy Cultural and Racial Identity Jul 26, 2023

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Are you raising an internationally adopted child or a child of another race? Join our fascinating discussion with Dr. Hollee McGinnis, an Assistant Professor in the Virginia Commonwealth University School of Social Work. She focuses on mental health and identity for internationally adopted people. She is also an intercountry adoptee from South Korea.

In this episode, we cover:

How are racial, ethnic, and cultural identities different for international adoptees?
Why is racial, ethnic, or cultural identification important for the emotional development of a child adopted internationally?
At what age does cultural and racial identity develop?
For children adopted internationally, what are some of the acculturation and assimilation issues that these children face? Including those issues arising from factors such as race, ethnicity, religion, and culture.
Does this differ by race?
Does international adoption itself potentially create acculturation or assimilation issues?
How can parents walk the balance between wanting the child to fully assimilate and acculturate to their new life while also identifying with their culture of birth?
Does this change depend on the age of the child at adoption?
What is the experience like for a child whose name doesn't fit their ethnicity? Do you recommend that parents think about this when naming their child?
How to handle if a child is born into a family of one religion but adopted by a family of a different religion?
What are the long-term implications for a family that has become multi-cultural through international adoption? How does this impact each family member: adopted person, siblings, parent, or grandparents?
What does a healthy cultural identity for an internationally adopted child look like?
What does a healthy racial identity for an internationally adopted child look like?
Tips for how adoptive parents can help their children develop a healthy cultural and racial identity?
- Read books about the history of your child’s culture and country, starting at a young age.
- Read books to provide the language and tools to help your child deal with racism. Again, start young.
- Talk about racism with your child. See resources below.
- Create connections for your child to people who look like them, as well as other adoptees.
- Incorporate people of your child’s race or culture into your friend group.
- Consider a homeland tour.

Resources:

Also Known As The mission of Also-Known-As is to build a community that empowers the voices of adult international adoptees, while providing resources and space to acknowledge the loss of birth country, culture, language, and biological family.
Beyond Culture Camp: Promoting Healthy Identity Formation in Adoption, Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute
How to Raise an Anti-Racist Child, Creating a Family podcast
4 Tips to Raising Anti-Racist Kids, Creating a Family article
Resources for Extended Family
- Winning Over Reluctant Extended Family in Adoption
- Preparing Your Extended Family When Adopting a Child
Books:

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Please leave us a rating or review. This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them.
Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

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Raising a Child with ADHD to a Successful & Healthy Adulthood Jul 19, 2023

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Do you suspect your child has ADHD? Don't miss today's show with Dr. Tamara Rosier. She is the author of “Your Brain’s Not Broken: Strategies for Navigating Your Emotions and Life with ADHD.” She runs the ADHD Center of West Michigan and is president of the ADHD Coaches Organization.
In this episode, we cover:
Understanding ADHD

What is ADHD?
What are the symptoms?
Are foster, adoptive, and kinship kids more prone to ADHD?
How to tell if our child’s behavior is ADHD or caused by the trauma they’ve experienced?

Treating ADHD

Importance of early diagnosing and intervention.
To medicate or not?
Should you take a medication break/holiday?

Parenting Challenges with Raising a Child with ADHD:

Managing expectations.
Emotional management is key.
Stop comparing your child and yourself to other parents and their “perfect” kids.
Self-control/Impulsiveness.
Sticking to an activity - the challenge of finding the balance between encouraging a child to persist and letting go.
Why can my child focus on a video game but take 3 hours to finish a 30-minute homework assignment? And what can I do about it?
What to let go and what to not. Don’t sweat the small stuff.

Looking for the Positives of ADHD

ADHD is not a disorder but rather a trait or neurological difference.
Strength of divergent thinking.

Tips for parents raising a child with ADHD.
This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them. Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

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Navigating Special Education and the IEP/504 Process Jul 12, 2023

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Do you have a child receiving special education services or one that you think may need these services? In this podcast, we talk about navigating this process. Our guests will be Lisa Eisenberg and Gaile Osborne. Lisa Eisenberg is a social worker, education advocate, and consultant. She is a member of the Council of Parent Attorneys and Advocates, an organization whose goal is to secure high-quality educational services for all and to promote excellence in advocacy. Gaile Osborne is the Executive Director of Foster Family Alliance, the foster, kinship, and adoptive parent association in North Carolina. She has her masters in special education with certifications in five areas, including emotional disabilities. Gaile and her husband are parents of children adopted from foster care and have fostered over 28 children. Foster Family Alliance provides educational advocacy support for NC foster, adoptive, and kinship families.
In this episode, we cover:

What language is preferred: special education, exceptional children education, or something else?
What laws govern special education?
What are the most common acronyms that parents will see, and what do they mean?
- IEPs
- 504s
- LRE
- SDI
- OHI
How does trauma impact a child’s ability to learn?
How can you tell the difference between the impact of trauma from a learning disability or Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD)?
What are the signs that a child needs to have an educational assessment?
What is involved with an educational assessment?
What are the first steps that a parent or caregiver should take to get an educational assessment?
What is the difference between an IEP and a 504 plan? Which one provides the most protection and accommodations for the child?
What accommodations should parents and caregivers be aware of that they can ask to be included in either the IEP or 504 plan?
What can foster/kin parents do if they believe the child in their care needs to be assessed? What are their legal rights?
Are they allowed to be in the IEP or 504 meeting?
Can they directly influence the IEP or 504?
How can foster or kinship parent be of the most help when working with a child with learning disabilities or other disabilities?
Tips for Parents and Caregivers when a child is struggling academically in school.
- 38 School Accommodations for Children Who Have Suffered Trauma, by Debbie Ausburn
- Special Education Acronyms and Glossary

Resources:

This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them. Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content:

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Creating a Family Trailer Jul 07, 2023

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How to Prepare Transracial Adoptees for Transitioning to College Jul 05, 2023

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How can parents help their transracial adoptees transition to college, and why can this transition be hard for both teens and parents? We talk with Dr. Amanda Baden, a Professor in the Counselor Education Program at Montclair State University. She is an active researcher and currently leads their Adoption Research Team. She is also a transracial adoptee and a member of the Creating a Family board.
In this episode, we cover:

Acknowledge that this will likely be a strange year for preparing anyone to go to college.
What are the major developmental milestones for all adolescents that happen during the 15-20 age frame?
What are some of the additional developmental milestones for adolescent adoptees?
What are the additional developmental milestones for transracial adoptees during the late teen years?
Why is the transition to college sometimes a difficult one for transracial adoptees?
What do you mean by “honorary whiteness”?
Is the experience of transitioning to college different depending on the race of adoptees?
Some adoptees feel like the bridge between the race/culture of their adoptive family and the race/culture of their birth. What are the issues with being the bridge?
Are there specific things parents and transracially adopted teens should look for when choosing a college?
The complexities of using the “transracial adoption story” as part of the college essay.
How can the feeling of rejection that some adoptees feel be exacerbated in the college application process?
How does the college experience impact adoptee identity development?
Can the transition to college be especially difficult for parents of transracial adoptees?
Parents are concerned about whether their child will leave and emotionally not return.
Birth parent search is usually open to adolescents at age 18, which is right during this time of transition.
How can parents help their transracial adoptees make a successful transition to college?

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Birth Parent Experiences in Adoption Jun 28, 2023

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Everyone connected to adoption needs to listen to this show. We talk about a new research report on how birth parents experience adoption. The results will surprise you! Our guest are the two main authors: Ryan Hanlon is the Executive Director of The National Council for Adoption, the national adoption organization providing resources and education for all people and organizations in the adoption world and advocating for sound adoption policies; and Laura Bruder is the Executive Director of Brave Love, an organization dedicated to changing the perception of adoption by acknowledging birth moms for their brave decision.

In this episode, we cover:
The Birth Parent Experiences report is based on the responses of 1,160 birth mothers and 239 birth fathers.

Were these all domestic infant adoption rather than adoptions from foster care?
Birth mothers who placed their child for adoption in 2010 or later were much more likely to report satisfaction with their decision than birth mothers who placed their child before or during the 1970s. Birth mothers’ levels of satisfaction with their adoption decision increased each decade since the 1970s.
The vast majority of birth mothers report experiencing stigma associated with their status as a birth parent. In fact, the percentage of birth mothers who experience some level of stigma about their decision to place their child for adoption has risen 20% since 1970.
What is the demographic of the birth moms and dads who completed the survey? (age, race, education, number of adoption placements
How has birth parent involvement in the adoption process changed?
What factors were important to expectant moms and dads when choosing adoptive parents?
What were the main concerns that birth moms had after placement?
Looking back, do birth parents believe they made the right decision?
What type of services and support do birth parents want and need post-placement?
78% of birth moms have contact with their child, and about 74% of birth fathers do. We don’t know if these are open adoptions or if the “child” is now an adult. Are they satisfied with this contact?
Are they satisfied with their decision to place a child for adoption? What factors influenced their level of satisfaction?
The research found that birth parents’ receipt of accurate information was significantly associated with adoption satisfaction for both birth mothers and birth fathers. What do you mean by accurate information?
What percentage of birth parents reported that they were actively involved in choosing the adoptive parents, and did that influence their overall satisfaction with their decision?
Three variables (receipt of accurate information, non-coerced decision-making, current contact with the child) were found to be the most strongly associated with levels of adoption satisfaction.
Stigma of being a birth parent.
Has stigma increased since the 1970s?
Does stigma differ by race of the birth parent?
Interesting that stigma increased from the 1970s to now for healthcare workers.

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Health, Emotional, and Developmental Issues Common to Children Adopted Internationally Jun 21, 2023

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Are you thinking about adopting internationally? Don't miss this interview covering the common health, developmental, and emotional issues found in kids adopted internationally. Our guests are Dr. Kimara Gustafson, M.D., M.P.H., an Assistant Professor in the Department of Pediatrics at the University of Minnesota Medical School, a Faculty Member in the Division of Clinical Behavioral Neuroscience, and a pediatrician at the Adoption Medicine Clinic at the University of Minnesota. We will also talk with Dr. Katie Stone, a postdoctoral fellow in the Department of Pediatrics at The University of Minnesota Medical School. She is part of the Psychology team at the Adoption Medicine Clinic.
In this episode, we cover:
The best place to get information on the country-specific laws and the adoption process is your agency and the US State Department website on intercountry adoption, in the country information section.

Each year the US State Department prepares an Annual Report on Intercountry Adoption that includes the length of time and cost for adoptions from specific countries. The country-specific pages at the US State Department website also has some of this information.

What are some of the general characteristics and needs of kids waiting for adoption abroad?
Generally, what factors across the world lead children to be in state care and to need adoptive families?
What are the most frequent medical or psychological problems you see in children adopted internationally?
What are some common environmental toxins currently seen in the primary placing countries to the US and how might they impact children?
For the main placing countries to the US how common is:
- Prenatal substance abuse
- Malnutrition
- Emotional issues
- Genetic abnormalities
- Developmental Delay
- Other known health risk factors
What is the impact on a child of leaving familiar ties and surroundings?
What is the experience of most children leaving their family of origin?
How does institutional care impact children?
How does institutionalization affect child development?
What children are at the greatest risk for attachment disorders?
What are the psychological issues children who have experienced abuse, neglect, or trauma may face?
What are some of the acculturation and assimilation issues children may face post international adoption?
How does adoption itself impact children, adolescents, and adults? Resources for parents and professionals:
- Being Adopted: The Lifelong Search for Self, co-authored by David Brodzinsky
- The Primal Wound by Nancy Verrier are resources for parents and professionals to read.
- Seven Core Issues in Adoption by Sharon Roszia and Allison Davis Maxon
Post-adoption reports are an essential part of intercountry adoption. Your adoption agency should provide information on the specific reporting requirements. You can check the US State Department Intercountry Adoption website in the country information section.

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You Should Be Grateful: Stories of Race, Identity, & Transracial Adoption Jun 14, 2023

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Join us to talk with Angela Tucker about her new book You Should Be Grateful: Stories of Race Identity, and Transracial Adoption. Angela is a black woman adopted from foster care to white parents. She was the subject of Closure, a documentary that chronicles her search for her biological parents. Angela has consulted with NBC’s "This Is Us", supported the lead actor of Broadway musical "Jagged Little Pill", has over 15 years of experience working within adoption and foster care agencies, and has mentored over 200 adoptees, leading her to found the Adoptee Mentoring Society.
In this episode, we cover:

The Adoptee Manifesto
What adoptee centrism. What do you mean by that?
The complexities of loving your adoptive parents and wishing you weren’t adopted.
Why is the spoken or unspoken “you should be grateful” so hard on adopted people?
How to share the hard parts of our child’s story?
What is the Ghost Kingdom that adoptees create about their birth family?
The adoptee as the Plan B child because their parents didn’t get their Plan A child.
Colin Kaepernick: “Since the day I was born, I've never been anyone’s first choice.”
What happens when adoptees can’t talk about their feelings of loss and their feelings of longing for their birth families?
Race:
- Feeling like a racial fraud.
- Comfort in white spaces.
- Color-evasiveness vs. color blindness.
Susan Harris O’Connor, a biracial person adopted by white parents says that transracial adoptees have 5 dimensions to their racial identity: genetic, imposed, cognitive, visual, and feeling.
White privilege by osmosis.
Have you received flack for marrying a white man? And is this common for transracial adoptees?
Search:
- The fear of searching or even talking about birth family because adoptees don’t want to hurt their adoptive parents. And conversely, the fear of some adoptive parents that they will be replaced once their child finds their first parents.
- Focus on birth mothers over birth fathers.
- Things adoptive parents should know about the search.
Red Table Talk –Facebook Watch show with Jada Pinkett Smith, her mother, and her daughter. What were your feelings then and how do you feel about that appearance now.

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Jessica Grose: Screaming on the Inside Jun 07, 2023

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Do you sometimes feel like screaming because you can't keep up with all that you think is expected of being a mom? If so, you're in good company. Join us to listen to our interview with Jessica Grose about her book Screaming on the Inside: The Unsustainability of American Motherhood. Grose is an opinion writer at the New York Times. She writes a popular newsletter on parenting and was named by Glamour Magazine as a Game Changer in 2020 for her coverage of parenting during the pandemic.

In this episode, we cover:

What brought you to write this book?
The pressure to feel a certain way and do everything right feels inherent in modern motherhood, but is it new? Have things changed?
In what areas are moms in America struggling? Expense

Work and Role of Fathers:

Our society’s views of working motherhood from the 1990’s to now.
“There is the expectation for working women to want to become moms. Then when we do become parents, we are expected to be our best at work and attend to our children. I was the first call from the schools instead of my stay-at-home husband. There was a reason we had him stay-at-home. Schools still called "mom" first.”
“That’s happened to us now that we are both working from home. The other day, they needed to reach us. Three messages for me & no one called Dad. It wasn’t an emergency, but still.”
What is “radical flexibility,” and how common is it in the US.
Are women who were raised by working moms opting for a different path?

Role of social media:

“It's frustrating because so often you never see them having to deal with their kids, while trying to meal prep, help with homework, break up a sibling squabble, all the while trying to get out of the house for an appointment. I guess that doesn't make compelling viewing.”
“So! Many! Opinions! And so much facade. It’s challenging to navigate unless you are seriously self-confident or have already experienced a few ups & downs that give you perspective.
The curated reels can give such a false viewpoint and it’s easy to assume that’s their real life. But real life is not nearly as compelling as the perfectly crafted short clips.”

Is this a uniquely US issue?

Do moms in other countries feel the same pressures to be perfect and do it all?

Unique struggles of foster, adoptive, and kinship parents:

I was told recently that my feelings about how hard it was to mom my last three (adopted as a sibling set from foster care) were just a part of my “mindset”. Because all the moms she knew had the same struggles. So foster and adoptive moms also have unbelievably unrealistic expectations upon them. We aren’t allowed to struggle differently. Then another person told me that “I signed up for this.” So, the underlying meaning is when you adopt kids from hard places, you aren’t allowed to struggle.
Had to work hard to get this family.
Trauma, whether it’s big T trauma or little t trauma is common in our kids, and this impacts any notion of picture-perfect parenting.
Have had to go through being examined and trained and our homes inspected to even get to be parents.

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The Emotional Lives of Teenagers May 31, 2023

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Are you parenting teens, or will you be in a few years? Don't miss today's conversation with psychologist Dr. Lisa Damour, author of the book, "The Emotional Lives of Teenagers: Raising Connected, Capable, and Compassionate Adolescents."
In this episode, we cover:

Our society has become afraid of being unhappy. What are the reasons for this?
Studies seem to suggest that teens are unhappier now than in the past. Why?
Three myths about adolescence.
The adultification of black teens.
Why do our teens find us so annoying?
The goal is not always to avoid conflict with our teens; rather, it should be to learn how to have constructive conflict.
You say that spending time online can be both good and bad for teens.
What should parents know about porn?
How carefully should you supervise what your teens are seeing online?
How can parents keep technology in place? What are some common-sense rules?
The importance of small pleasures in modulating the mood of our teens.

Resource:
American Psychological Association: Health advisory on social media use in adolescence
This podcast is produced by www.CreatingaFamily.org. We are a national non-profit with the mission to strengthen and inspire adoptive, foster & kinship parents and the professionals who support them. Creating a Family brings you the following trauma-informed, expert-based content: