Codependency Alchemy: The Podcast

Latest Episodes:

Why it’s so hard to receive support (even when you need it) May 06, 2026

Show notes

Have you ever pushed away support… even when you really needed it? This episode is about why receiving can feel so hard and what changes when we allow it.

This episode is a little different. I’m showing up in real time, without a script, in the middle of a season that has completely shifted me.

After losing a close friend and navigating multiple family health scares and loss, I found myself face to face with something I’ve worked on for years… my relationship to receiving.

In this episode, I share what grief has revealed about hyper-independence, codependency, and all the ways we push away support.

What you’ll learn…

* Why hyper-independence is often rooted in lack of trust

* How rejecting support shows up in subtle ways

* The connection between codependency and not receiving

* How allowing others to support you deepens connection

* What grief revealed about vulnerability and being held

This episode is for you if…

* You struggle to accept help or support

* You pride yourself on being “independent”

* You feel uncomfortable receiving love or care

* You tend to take care of others but not let them take care of you

Your invitation…

Take a moment to explore this shadow work prompt in the comments:

“If I receive support, love, or care… what am I afraid will happen?”

Notice what comes up. Remember, you don’t have to hit post or share it with anyone, but at least write it out to witness yourself.

If you want to go a little deeper, you can also ask:

* Where does that fear live in my body?

* How old does that part of me feel?

And if you’re wanting a space to practice this kind of reflection in real time alongside others who are also learning how to soften, receive, and build more secure relationships, you’re always invited into the Codependency Alchemy membership on Substack.

It’s a space for shadow work, inner child practices, and honest conversations like this one… where you don’t have to do it alone.

You can click here to join as a free subscriber or upgrade your subscription to explore the membership for deeper support.

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit alyssaaazander.substack.com/subscribe

The trust-breaking pattern you don’t realize you’re doing in relationships Apr 01, 2026

Show notes

Have you ever wanted something from your partner but didn’t actually say it? This episode is about why we do that and how it slowly breaks trust in our relationships.

This weekend, I caught myself in a pattern I’ve done many times before, and didn’t even realize I was doing it in the moment.

I was trying to get a need met without actually saying what I needed.

I was hinting, sweetening the deal, leaving things out… all to try to control the outcome instead of just being honest.

In this episode, I break down what it means to withhold truth in a relationship, how it quietly erodes trust and intimacy over time, and what happens when we choose vulnerability instead.

I also share what shifted in real time when I stopped the pattern and how it completely changed the experience.

What you’ll learn…

* What “withholding truth” actually looks like in relationships

* The subtle ways we try to control outcomes (without realizing it)

* How this pattern creates resentment and disconnection

* What it feels like on the receiving end of only receiving the partial truth

* How vulnerability builds safety and intimacy and what that can look like in our relationship

This episode is for you if…

* You hint instead of directly asking for what you want

* You try to control outcomes to avoid vulnerability

* You struggle to express your needs honestly

* You feel resentment when your needs aren’t met

* You want deeper trust and intimacy in your relationship

Your invitation…

Take a moment to practice healing the mother wound by being witnessed in the comments. Think of a recent time where you withheld the full truth…

* What truth were you withholding?

* What vulnerability was underneath that?

Remember, you don’t have to hit post if you’re not comfortable being witnessed in your share yet, but I invite you to at least type it (or write it) out for you to witness yourself.

If conversations like these resonate with you and you want to take this awareness to the next step, you’re welcome to join our Codependency Alchemy community on Substack where we practice these reflections together through prompts, discussions, and live calls.

You can click here to join as a free subscriber or upgrade your subscription to explore the membership for deeper support.

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit alyssaaazander.substack.com/subscribe

3 questions that turn conflict into connection Mar 18, 2026

Show notes

Have you ever caught yourself thinking, “If they would just do this differently, everything would be fine”?

This episode is about why that pattern keeps us stuck and the three questions that can shift the entire dynamic- and how it's completely changed the way I move through conflict in my relationship.

In this episode we explore:

* Why we hyperfixate on our partner during conflict

* The hidden attachment behind “I wish they would…”

* How codependent dynamics show up during arguments

* The 3 questions that interrupt blame cycles

* How vulnerability creates safety in relationships

* Why waiting for your partner to go first keeps you stuck

Your invitation…

Take a moment to practice this in the comments. Think of a recent conflict that’s come up for you in your relationship and ask yourself the following questions:

* What do I wish they would do?

* How would I feel if they did it?

* Am I giving that to them — or to myself?

I invite you to share in the comments, or if you’re in the Codependency Alchemy membership, you can share your reflections in our chat.

If this conversation resonates, you’re invited into the Codependency Alchemy community on Substack where we practice these reflections together through prompts, discussions, and live calls.

Click here to join as a free subscriber or the membership for deeper support.

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit alyssaaazander.substack.com/subscribe

Why you pick fights when things are going well Mar 04, 2026

Show notes

Why do we create conflict when life is actually going well?

In this episode of Codependency Alchemy, I unpack the “upper limit problem” — the unconscious pattern of sabotaging joy, abundance, and peace when they start to feel unfamiliar.

I share a real story of catching myself mid-spiral after an expansive workshop and the simple question that stopped me from creating unnecessary conflict.

In this episode, we explore:

- Why arguments aren’t really about the dishes

- How worry turns into criticism

- The 4 core fears that drive self-sabotage

- Why peace can feel unsafe to a dysregulated nervous system

- How to self-soothe instead of outsourcing reassurance

Your invitation…

The next time you feel the urge to criticize, argue, or spiral, ask yourself:

What happened right before this?

If this episode resonates, you’re invited into the Codependency Alchemy membership, where we practice this work in real time through daily prompts, reflections, and support as you grow your capacity for joy, safety, and self-trust.

Click here to upgrade and join the membership.

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit alyssaaazander.substack.com/subscribe

Knowing what you want but still not getting it? This might be why Feb 18, 2026

Show notes

You’re clear on what you want, so why aren’t you getting it?

There’s a painful in-between many of us find ourselves in: knowing what we want, and still not receiving it.

In this episode of Codependency Alchemy, I revisit a simple but powerful analogy (we’re going to the ice cream shop) to explore why clarity alone isn’t always enough, and how settling for what doesn’t truly align can keep us stuck in relationships, jobs, or situations that drain us.

This is a conversation about discernment, self-trust, and learning how to stop accepting “vanilla” when your body is asking for chocolate.

What you’ll learn in this episode…

* Why knowing what you want doesn’t always lead to getting it

* How settling sends mixed signals to yourself (and the Universe)

* Why impatience and unworthiness keep us stuck

* How to stop accepting what you don’t actually want

This episode is for you if…

* You’re clear on what you want but keep getting something else

* You struggle with settling out of fear or impatience

* You’re practicing discernment in relationships or work

* You’re healing codependency or the mother wound

Your invitation…

I invite you to think about what your “chocolate ice cream” is. You might consider this as the type of relationship, job, or home you wish to have.

What is your chocolate ice cream?

Remember, try to get as specific as you can. Ask yourself:

How do I desire to feel? What do I value? In a relationship? In a job? In a home?

If this episode resonates, you’re invited to continue these conversations inside the Codependency Alchemy membership— a space where we practice witnessing the parts of us we neglect, or reject, building safety in our bodies through nervous system and somatic work, and generational healing together.

Click here to join or learn more

Subscribe over on Substack

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit alyssaaazander.substack.com/subscribe

When your partner says no (but you really wanted them to say yes) Feb 04, 2026

Show notes

There’s a moment many of us know well: your partner says no, and you really wanted them to say yes.

In this episode of Codependency Alchemy, I walk through a real-life moment from my relationship with Justin where his “no” triggered old patterns of control, guilt, and self-abandonment. I share more about what I wish I had done differently.

This isn’t about forcing agreement or suppressing your needs. It’s about learning how to respect your partner’s autonomy without making their “no” mean something about you…

Oh, and without abandoning yourself in the process.

What you’ll learn in this episode:

* Why your partner’s no can feel so personal

* How covert control and guilt show up in relationships

* The difference between boundaries and power struggles

* Why taking responsibility for your partner creates resentment

* How to stay on the same side of the problem instead of “me vs. you”

This episode is for you if…

* You get triggered when your partner says no

* You tend to take responsibility for other people’s choices

* You struggle with resentment or over-functioning

* You’re healing codependency or the mother wound

Your invitation…

As you listen and reflect on similar moments in your own relationship, you might contemplate:

What am I making my partner’s no mean about me? What am I making their choice mean about our relationship?

I invite you to share your reflections in the comments.

Join the Community

Click here to join or learn more

Subscribe over on Substack

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit alyssaaazander.substack.com/subscribe

Should you get back together with your ex? 3 questions to ask yourself first Jan 21, 2026

Show notes

Should you get back together with your ex, or is this just familiarity pulling you back in? Before you say yes, there are a few questions worth slowing down and asking.

This episode is for anyone who’s considering getting back together with an ex and wants to do it differently this time.

As someone who did get back together with her ex and rebuilt a relationship rooted in repair, accountability, and understanding that a safe nervous system is a non-negotiable, I share the three core questions that helped me discern whether reconnecting was actually aligned, or just old patterns resurfacing.

This isn’t about convincing yourself to try again. It’s about slowing down, listening to your body, and making space for clarity instead of urgency.

What you’ll learn…

* The first question to ask before considering getting back together with an ex

* How to tell if your ex has actually changed or is just saying the right things

* Why old issues will come back (and how to plan for that honestly)

* What it means to rebuild trust through repair instead of avoidance

* How to stop over-functioning and let the other person meet you

This episode is for you if…

* You’re thinking about getting back together with an ex

* You’re afraid of repeating the same patterns

* You want clarity without rushing a decision

* You tend to over-function or take responsibility for both people

* You want a relationship rooted in repair, not chemistry alone

My invitation to you…

Take a moment to reflect on what this relationship is here to teach and show you. Write in the comments:

“This relationship is here to teach me…” and notice what comes through.

If this episode resonates, you’re invited to continue this work inside the Codependency Alchemy membership, where we practice self-trust, repair, and building healthy relationships together.

Click here to learn more.

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit alyssaaazander.substack.com/subscribe

Holding Polarity: How to stay grounded when two opposing truths exist Jan 07, 2026

Show notes

What if nothing is wrong with you, you’re just being asked to hold two truths at the same time?

In this episode of Codependency Alchemy, I explore polarity: the embodied experience of holding joy and grief, love and loss, fulfillment and longing—without collapsing, numbing, or forcing resolution.

Through a deeply personal story involving my great-grandmother, my fertility journey, and stepping onto a stage to share my life’s work, I share what polarity actually feels like in the body, and why learning to witness it instead of fixing it is profoundly healing.

What you’ll learn in this episode…

* What “holding polarity” really means (beyond the concept)

* How polarity shows up in relationships, grief, and identity

* The difference between thinking your feelings and witnessing them

* How witnessing yourself helps heal the mother wound

* Why acceptance isn’t giving up… it’s embodied truth

This episode is for you if…

* You feel emotionally overwhelmed by mixed feelings

* You’re holding joy and grief at the same time

* You struggle with overthinking instead of feeling

* You’re healing codependency, attachment wounds, or the mother wound

* You want to feel more grounded and self-trusting in uncertainty

Your invitation…

As you listen, consider: What polarity am I being asked to hold right now?

Name the two opposing experiences without judging them. I invite you to share your reflections in the comments.

Join the Community

If this episode resonates, you’re invited to join the Codependency Alchemy membership— a space where we practice witnessing the parts of us we neglect, or reject, building safety in our bodies through nervous system and somatic work, and generational healing together.

Click here to join or learn more

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit alyssaaazander.substack.com/subscribe

My go-to life changing book list for winter Oct 29, 2025

Show notes

Check out full book list post on Substack here: My go-to healing book list for winter

Thank you so much, everyone, for letting me walk alongside you this season.

I have a quick favor to ask as we close out this season: If the podcast has supported you in any way it would mean the world to me if you would take just a moment to leave an honest rating or review on the podcast, wherever you listen. To make it easy, I’ll leave the link for you to leave a rating or a review below!

When you rate and review the podcast it helps more people find the podcast who are looking to join and have these kinds of conversations around healing codependency and the mother wound. Your voice makes a huge impact, and I am so grateful to receive your support. Thank you.

I hope you all have a restful and nourishing winter, and hopefully I’ll see you in the Codependency Alchemy membership!

JOIN THE MEMBERSHIP

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit alyssaaazander.substack.com/subscribe

How to get out of the thought spiral (in 3-steps) Oct 22, 2025

Show notes

Do you ever notice how one small trigger can send you into a full-blown spiral? Maybe your partner takes too long to text back, or a conflict makes you think the relationship is doomed and suddenly you’re catastrophizing, overthinking, or blaming yourself. In this episode of Codependency Alchemy, I walk you through my 3-step “Stop the Spiral” framework (Root, Regulate, Redirect) to help you come back to your body when your nervous system gets hijacked. We’ll explore common thought spirals like fear of abandonment, self-blame, and overthinking, and I’ll share how to re-center with compassion instead of control.

This episode is for you if:

* You find yourself stuck in anxious or intrusive thought loops.

* You panic when there’s space or silence in your relationship.

* You replay conversations, wondering if you said the “wrong thing.”

* You want to feel calm and grounded instead of consumed by fear.

I know now that spiraling is actually just my body asking for safety. When you pause to root into what’s actually happening, regulate your nervous system, and redirect your energy back to yourself, you stop trying to fix the fear and start learning from it.

🌟 Special Podcast Listener Offer: Join the Codependency Alchemy Membership today and get 40% off!→ Click here to claim your discount and join now!

💬 Get Community Support: Join our vibrant, supportive chat community and get real-time guidance on your healing journey. → Join the chat

✨ Free Shadow Work & Inner Child Guide: Ready to deepen your healing with a step-by-step guide?→ Download my FREE guide

🎥 Watch 9+ Powerful Masterclasses: Access practical tools, guided exercises, and transformative teachings to help you heal codependency and build healthier relationships. → Exclusive Masterclass Library

✍🏾 From My Journal: Intimate insights and reflections directly from my personal healing journey.→ Read my latest journal entries

💎 Explore “The Gems”: Browse curated free resources filled with practical wisdom and actionable insights designed to support your growth and healing. → Get your free resources here

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit alyssaaazander.substack.com/subscribe

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