Broken Podcast

Latest Episodes:

Episode 25: Narcissism and Borderline: Breaking Down the Difference Between Traits and Personality Disorders May 29, 2019

Show notes

Episode 25 of the Broken Podcast is about the danger of labeling people. Ever since Donald Trump was elected, it feels like we can't go a day without hearing the word "narcissist" on the nightly news. The label "narcissist" is everywhere and is being used to label men, especially in the midst of difficult divorces and nasty breakups. Gaslighting, love bombing, grey rocking, and stone walling are concepts we hear about often now. Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a real thing, and there are people who suffer from the disorder who utilize manipulation and abuse. But not everyone who behaves selfishly is a "narcissist". There is a difference between narcissist traits and having an actual personality disorder.

On the other side, women are being accused of being "borderline" in the same way. If a woman breaks up with someone, or files for divorce, she's often labeled by her ex as "crazy", "bipolar", "psycho", "stalker" or "borderline".

Narcissistic Personality Disorder and Borderline Personality Disorder are real, actual mental health diagnoses. When unqualified jilted lovers accuse people of having these disorders, and labeling people with these words, it only furthers stigma and shame, and leads to people who actually meet diagnostic criteria for these disorders often not getting the help and support they need.

This episode begins with the co-hosts thanking listeners for their support and announcing that the podcast will soon be undergoing a relaunch and opportunities to support the podcast financially.

Hannah and Alexa introduce this week's topic, narcissism.

Hannah discusses narcissism and differentiates between narcissistic traits and the mental health diagnosis, Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

Alexa clarifies that not everyone who has traits of narcissism qualify for a diagnosis. She shares observations about the current prevalence of narcissism.

Hannah provides information about and the history of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Health Disorders (DSM 5). She describes how mental health providers diagnose conditions and discusses the difference between personality disorders and mood disorders. The stigma and shame of personality disorders is explored.

The two discuss Narcissistic Personality Disorder and educate listeners about the specific criteria, how criteria are measured and assessed, and the method used for diagnosing the disorder. Frustrations with the process for diagnosis and the subjective nature of diagnosis are explored.

Listeners are educated about the impact of the disorder and the problems frequently experienced by those who struggle with this disorder. Examples of narcissist behavior are discussed.

Alexa and Hannah discuss empathy and highlight concerns about the decline of empathy in recent times in our society. They share concerns about how kids don't learn much about empathy today and discuss the importance of teaching empathy. The impact of social media on empathy development is also discussed. Hannah points out that many people now base their self-worth on reactions from others on social media.

Hannah shares about her own experience with divorce and how she discovered a prevalence of available resources related to narcissist abuse. She describes the process people go through in ending relationships, labeling exes as "bad". She explains why it's important for people going through breakups and divorces to look at the big picture and to see people and situations in shades of gray rather than labeling people as all good or all bad.

Listeners are educated about behaviors that are commonly associated with narcissists. Gaslighting and love bombing are discussed. Examples are providers.

Narcissist abuse is discussed. Strategies like grey rocking and no contact are explored.

Hannah describes the spectrum of narcissism and describes malignant narcissism. She talks about the danger of labeling people with narcissism. She discusses her concern that many ex boyfriends and ex husbands and men who have acted inappropriately are labeled as narcissists.

Alexa and Hannah discuss how this labeling happens for women too. Hannah describes the trend of men labeling women as borderline. She discusses the common occurrence of men who experience frustrating experiences with women to label them as crazy, psycho, unstable, and/or borderline.

Alexa shares information about Borderline Personality Disorder. She describes the disorder and talks about the criteria for diagnosis. Treatment for the disorder is discussed.

Hannah and Alexa wrap up the episode by sharing tips for all listeners:

Avoid labeling people with words like narcissist, borderline, bipolar, crazy, psycho, and abusive. Words can be dangerous.
Be aware that these labels often carry stigma and shame. Know that just because someone exhibits some symptoms of a disorder does not mean the person can necessarily be diagnosed with a disorder.
If you have experienced a negative experience with someone who has symptoms of a personality disorder, hesitate before labeling yourself as a victim and identifying with that label.
If you are diagnosed with a mental health disorder, avoid labeling yourself with the disorder. Try saying, "I have struggled with symptoms of depression" instead of "I am depressed".
When you are triggered by something that happens or by something someone does, pause and breathe and ground yourself so that you can respond mindfully rather than automatically reacting.
If you have a history of relationships with people who struggle with personality disorders, examine patterns of your past relationships to examine red flags and where you might be getting hooked.
Come to therapy to learn more about all of this and to discover new ways of being in relationships to avoid becoming a victim of narcissist abuse.

Hannah and Alexa practice at Omaha Psychotherapy:

(402) 715-9710

omahapsychotherapy.com

Episode 24: Using Sex as a Weapon--Breaking Through a Sex Strike May 20, 2019

Show notes

Therapists Hannah Mirmiran and Alexa Theisen discuss the sex strike suggested recently in a tweet by Alyssa Milano.

They talk about the sex strike and the messages it may send. They also talk about how many people in marriages seem to be on sex strikes.

Hannah and Alexa talk about the danger of using sex as a weapon.

They discuss trends in marriage in America surrounding sex.

They also share tools and resources to help individuals and couples improve sex.

Alexa shares that she officially graduated with her Master's degree in Counseling and has received her license to practice mental health. She is now seeing clients at Omaha Psychotherapy in person and virtually.

You can schedule a session with Alexa, or reach Hannah or Alexa at:

Omaha Psychotherapy

https://omahapsychotherapy.com

(402) 715-9710

Episode 23: What the Heck is Therapy Anyway? Breaking the Silence Surrounding Therapy May 13, 2019

Show notes

Hannah and Alexa discuss lots of things related to therapy including how to find a therapist, how therapists are trained and credentialed, and what happens in therapy.

Hannah updates listeners about her stolen car. Alexa shares about her upcoming graduation from her Master's program. She reflects about what she's learned in her graduate program and how it's prepared her to become a therapist.

Hannah educates listeners about the various educational paths people take to become therapists. She explains the licensing and credentialing process, and describes the process for becoming independently licensed as a mental health provider. Alexa describes the transition from student to provisional licensure to full licensure.

Hannah shares her own journey to becoming a therapist and about some of her early experiences as a social worker helping people with severe and persistent mental illness.

They discuss the medical model of mental healthcare, which has developed over time, in part due to a parity act mandating health care insurers and providers to treat physical and mental health similarly. Hannah discusses how this has led to the creation of a system that pathologizes mental illness and encourages treatment providers to focus on diagnosis, labeling, brief and limited treatment, disability, and a goal of stabilizing and discharging patients.

Hannah shares that more recently, many people have sought out a different model of therapy. She describes that increasing numbers of people come to therapy voluntarily, not because something is "wrong" with them, but because they want to optimize their lives, to grow and to improve their lives, investigating patterns and areas of their lives that are lacking or seem limited.

Alexa mentions something she heard on another podcast about soul work and how public opinion and awareness has changed over time and has led to increasing numbers of people wanting to do deeper "soul" work.

Hannah educates listeners about the Hierarchy of Needs, a theory and model developed in 1943 by psychologist Abraham Maslow. She discusses the levels of the model and the importance of accepting that people have differing goals and needs, and that it's completely okay for people to occupy various levels and to be okay staying at a level. She also describes the impact of the country's relatively stable and secure economic and political situation in this country, combined with increased access to resources and information, which seems to be allowing people greater mobility on this ladder of needs.

Hannah and Alexa discuss recent research that has shown that membership in churches and other formal religious organizations has declined in recent years. They discuss concerns regarding a decrease in the level of community involvement and support provided by faith communities as membership decreases.

They discuss how these increased opportunities, improved and stable economic conditions, and greater mobility and technology have led to people having many more varied and rich opportunities for relationships and education and occupations and experiences, but this doesn't necessarily correlate to increased happiness or satisfaction.

Hannah and Alexa discuss the therapy process and what typically happens in therapy sessions. They discuss reasons why people come to therapy, how people typically find and begin the process of therapy, how to identify goals for therapy, and possible outcomes of therapy.

They discuss the "Magic Wand' question and how people can discover what they are looking to gain from therapy. They talk about ways therapists help clients identify what they want to change in their lives.

Hannah and Alexa educate listeners about various types and modalities of therapy including CBT, DBT, EMDR, bibliotherapy, walking therapy, yoga therapy, virtual therapy, individual, couples and group therapy.

They discuss what happens in therapy sessions. The typical structure and what to expect.

The process of finding a therapist is discussed. Hannah and Alexa share important qualities to seek in a therapist. They talk about various ways to find therapists and how to decide who to see. They also share about some of the different ways therapists practice.

Hannah talks about evidence-based treatment--what that means, how it came about, how evidence is demonstrated, how insurance companies authorize treatment, and how this model doesn't allow for some therapists and types of therapy to be covered.

Hannah talks about her decision to not participate with any health insurance company or system. She talks about the freedom of practicing and of seeking therapy outside of the traditional medical model of mental health care and the benefits of seeking therapy and not using health insurance benefits.

Resources:

Hannah and Alexa both practice at Omaha Psychotherapy

omahapsychotherapy.com

(402) 710-9715

Episode 22: Breaking Through Compassion Fatigue May 06, 2019

Show notes

Therapists Hannah and Alexa of Omaha Psychotherapy (omahapsychotherapy.com) talk about a lot of things related to burnout, caregiver stress, secondary trauma, and compassion fatigue.

Hannah shares about the recent trauma she experienced losing her car.

Alexa shares about the current stress she's experienced related to her graduation from grad school and waiting for her license.

Hannah discusses a presentation she made to immigration attorneys about compassion fatigue.

Hannah defines compassion as putting yourself in someone else's shoes and asking what you can do for them.

She says that compassion is sometimes defined as "easing the suffering of another."

Hannah shares an example which illustrates the difference between pity, sympathy, empathy, and compassion.

They discuss #metoo and how empathy is different than compassion.

Hannah shares her five stage model of compassion fatigue.

Alexa and Hannah share information about compassion fatigue. They talk about the definition and diagnosis, symptoms, recognition, and treatment.

Resources:

Hannah and Alexa both practice at Omaha Psychotherapy. omahapsychotherapy.com. (402) 715-9710

Episode 21: Breaking Through Domestic Violence: An Interview with Survivor, Christen Sacco Apr 29, 2019

Show notes

The National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233

Hannah and Alexa interview domestic violence survivor Christen Sacco.

Christen shares some education and statistics about domestic violence and intimate partner abuse.

She then shares her story of being in an intimate relationship where she was the victim of domestic abuse.

She openly shares about how the relationship began, the initial red flags, the progression into abuse, how the abuse escalated, the steps she took to get out of the relationship, how she escaped and got help, and how she's healed after the relationship.

Broken is very grateful to Christen for her courage and vulnerability and bravery in sharing her story.

Resources:

If you or someone you know is in an unhealthy relationship, are the victim of a current or past domestic violence incident or relationship, or are concerned about safety, please reach out for help. You aren't alone. Help is available...

The National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233

https://www.thehotline.org

The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence:

http://ncadv.org

Hannah and Alexa practice at Omaha Psychotherapy

omahapsychotherapy.com

(402) 710-9715

Episode 20: Thoughts About What is Broken and How Adults are Breaking Things: An Interview with 7 year-old, Lily Apr 22, 2019

Show notes

Co-hosts and therapists Hannah Mirmiran and Alexa Theisen interview Hannah's daughter, 7 year-old Lily Mirmiran.

Lily shares her thoughts about what is broken in the world today and about how adults are breaking things.

Lily discusses her frustrations with annoying brothers, paper straws, fake Sprite, adults using their phones, Instagram, the pressure to be perfect, beliefs about money, and coping with stress.

She gives suggestions for how people might better cope with frustrations, find happiness, and be more present in their lives.

Lily also shares her "color theory", where she assigns virtues and emotions to colors, and then chooses clothes and hair chalk when she wants to embody these qualities.

Lily encouraged us to share her color associations here:

Red: Fierce, happy inside, secure Orange: Cautious, shy Peach: Funny Yellow: Happy, excited Gold: Down to earth, casual Green: I like money Emerald green: I am fancy Light green: Jealous Lime: I'm a little late to the party Teal: I don't care what anyone thinks Navy blue: Wise and intelligent Royal blue: Bored Light blue: Sad Turquoise: Joyful Indigo: Kind Purple: Badass Maroon: I slay Violet: I love everything Pink: Fierce, and I want everyone to know it Hot pink: I just gotta dance Brown: I just got roasted Khaki: I like the heat Gray: Grateful Charcoal: Beautiful Silver: Brave Bronze: Confident Black: Evil, dark White: I am perfect Cream: I am feeling weird today Rainbow: I am loved Sequins: I am a party girl Naked: I am taking a big chance

Broken would like to thank Lily Mirmiran for this insightful interview!

Resources:

Hannah and Alexa both practice at Omaha Psychotherapy. omahapsychotherapy.com

(402) 715-9710

Song: "Feel Better When I'm Dancing", sung by Meghan Trainor. From the album: "The Peanuts Movie" (Original Motion Picture Soundtrack)

Episode 19: Broken Dreams - Pregnancy Loss - An Interview with mom, Shannon Vaccaro Apr 15, 2019

Show notes

Therapists Hannah Mirmiran and Alexa Theisen interview Shannon Vaccaro, a mom from Omaha, Nebraska who, with her husband Tony, lost their first child, son Alfy, on April 6, 2012 at 28 weeks of pregnancy due to stillbirth and later, their daughter Anna due to miscarriage.

This episode focuses on pregnancy loss--both miscarriage (which occurs prior to week 20 of gestation), and stillbirth (occurring after 20 weeks of gestation).

Tony and Shannon Vaccaro unfortunately and heartbreakingly experienced both types of pregnancy loss--a stillbirth and a miscarriage. In this episode, Shannon shares the journey she and her husband have traveled to becoming parents and building a family.

Shannon bravely shares the story of her first pregnancy and the trauma of finding out that her son was stillborn when she was 7 months pregnant.

Shannon shares the heartbreaking experiences of the ultrasound where they learned their son had died, sharing the news with family, delivering the baby, learning the gender, naming him, holding him, being rushed into emergency surgery to remove the placenta, and receiving a blood transfusion. She also shares about her husband Tony's experiences and talks about their time at the hospital, about their family's experiences, and about preparing, planning and having a funeral service, and then burying their son.

She discusses her own grief experience and the tools and resources she and her husband used to cope after their loss. She also talks about the emotions and symptoms they experienced related to grief and trauma, and about how she and Tony used therapy to help process everything. She also shares their process of continuing Alfy's memory and legacy.

Shannon goes on to talk about she and Tony's decision to have more children, testing to discover why Alfy died, about pregnancy after loss, about coping with anxiety, and about having their second child, son Vinny.

She talks about their decision to expand their family, and the heartbreaking loss of another pregnancy, their daughter Anna who was lost through miscarriage. She then shares about becoming pregnant again, and giving birth to son Mikey.

Shannon shares about how her marriage survived loss and how she and Tony have supported each other and have strengthened their relationship. She also talks about the growth she's experienced along her grief journey, and the work she's done to honor her grief and to find more meaning in her life. And about what it's like for her to be a mom of both living and deceased children.

Shannon talks about the advocacy and education work she's done to increase awareness about pregnancy loss. The resources she recommends are listed below.

"If there is a mom out there who has experienced loss, know you are not alone." - Shannon Vaccaro

The Broken Podcast is so grateful to both Tony and Shannon for their willingness and courage to share their story, their strength, and the memory of their children Alfy and Anna.

Resources:

Guest, Shannon Vaccaro can be reached at Shannon.vaccaro.loss@gmail.com

Pregnancy Loss Resources:

For Immediate Grief Support, call 1-800-221-7437. Counselors are available 24/7

Articles Hannah has written:

Coping With Pregnancy Loss: https://whatsyourgrief.com/coping-with-pregnancy-loss/

Meaningful Grieving After Pregnancy Loss: https://whatsyourgrief.com/grieving-after-pregnancy-loss/

Online support, education, and information:

Healing Hearts Baby Loss Comfort: http://babylosscomfort.com/grief-resources/

Count the Kicks: https://www.countthekicks.org

What's Your Grief: https://whatsyourgrief.com

Still Standing Magazine: https://stillstandingmag.com

Compassionate Friends: Supporting Families After the Loss of a Child: https://www.compassionatefriends.org

Faces of Loss, Faces of Hope: http://facesofloss.com

The Centering Corporation and Grief Digest Magazine: https://centering.org

---------------------------------------------------------------

Hannah and Alexa are therapists and coaches at Omaha Psychotherapy. https://omahapsychotherapy.com

They can be reached at (402) 715-9710 and at hmirmiran@omahapsychotherapy.com

Episode 18: Breaking Through Addiction: Hannah Mirmiran's Story of Brokenness and Recovery Apr 08, 2019

Show notes

In this episode, Broken co-host Hannah Mirmiran shares her own story of brokenness.

The episode begins with co-host Alexa thanking listeners for their feedback and support, especially to previous show guest, Melissa Mueller, who shared her story of recovering from an eating disorder. Alexa encourages listeners to contact the show to share feedback and reactions. Listeners are also encouraged to rate and review the podcast, and to subscribe on iTunes.

Hannah shares that she was inspired by Melissa and other guests to share her own story of brokenness.

Hannah reminds listeners that historically, therapists have embraced a "blank slate" approach and have not disclosed anything personal to clients. Hannah talks about the reasons and benefits of this approach and also discusses the potential value of therapeutic disclosure and therapists who choose to be more open about their lives and experiences. Hannah encourages listeners who prefer the "blank slate" approach to not listen to this episode.

Alexa interviews Hannah about her life story. Hannah shares details about her history and discusses difficult life experiences she encountered. She talks about how she started using alcohol to manage anxiety and difficult emotions, and how she learned to turn to alcohol repeatedly to cope with stressful life events. She discusses her struggles with alcohol and her struggle to find recovery.

Hannah openly shares about her marriage, becoming a mother, experiencing miscarriages, and her path to becoming a therapist and finding balance as a wife, mother, and therapist. She talks about the difficulties in her marriage and the decision to end her marriage. She vulnerably shares about her painful divorce experience, the shame and grief she experienced, her struggle transitioning to life as a single mother, her pattern of people pleasing, and how she relied on alcohol to cope with divorce. Hannah then shares her story of hitting a bottom and feeling broken, how she asked for help, and the path she took to find recovery.

Hannah opens up about how she changed her life, let go of shame, became more authentic, found her voice, and created a new life that she's proud of.

Hannah thanks everyone who has supported her and has given her a second chance.

Resources:

Hannah Mirmiran and Alexa Theisen are both therapists and coaches who practice at Omaha Psychotherapy. omahapsychotherapy.com . (402) 715-9710 .

Song: "You're Gonna Be Okay", written by Jenn Johnson, sung by Brian and Jenn Johnson, released 2017 by Bethel Music.

Episode 17: Breaking Through Eating Disorders: An Interview with Melissa Mueller Apr 01, 2019

Show notes

Therapists Hannah Mirmiran and Alexa Theisen of Omaha Psychotherapy interview Melissa Mueller.

Melissa shares her powerful personal story, including her struggle with bulimia and her recovery.

Hannah and Alexa are therapists at Omaha Psychotherapy, omahapsychotherapy.com

(402) 715-9710

Episode 16: Breaking the Shadow Open Mar 18, 2019

Show notes

Hannah and Alexa explain a concept developed by psychiatrist, Carl Jung called the Shadow.

In the early twentieth century, Carl Jung developed a way to conceptualize our "self", identifying two main structures: the persona (the things we know about ourselves that we present to the outside world), and the shadow (the unconscious part of ourselves that we keep hidden).

Hannah and Alexa explain this and educate listeners about this concept. They explain that this isn't a bad or good thing, that each person has a persona and shadow side. They show that social media is a good way to see how we each present our persona.

Hannah further explains the shadow and says she visualizes this concept as a backpack we all carry that contains the rules and "shoulds" we all learn about who we are supposed to not be. She shows that often people think of the shadow as dark and containing bad and unwanted aspects of ourselves, it often contains potentially good and healthy aspects and energy that could be useful to people.

Alexa explains projection and what happens when our shadow is activated and have strong reactions.

Alexa shares about an experience she had recently at a conference where she witnessed other therapists have reactions that seemed to come from their shadows.

Hannah and Alexa examine how the current political environment in America seems to be activating many shadow reactions.

Hannah and Alexa share personal examples of shadow work they've done, and times they've recognized something come up from their shadows.

Hannah discusses the danger of not exploring the shadow side. She provides examples of things that happen when the shadow is not recognized or explored. As she explains, when someone firmly attaches to their persona, while disowning and repressing their shadow side, the shadow side often takes over and drives someone's behavior, leading to increasingly toxic and harmful actions, examples Bill Cosby and Michael Jackson.

She shares examples of things that are often in one's shadows and explains that each person has a shadow side and is capable of doing harmful behavior.

Hannah then explains the process of unlocking and integrating the shadow. She explains that when someone explores their shadow side and becomes conscious of it, they feel better, become aware, can harness the power of the shadow, and then don't engage in harmful behavior.

Alexa educates listeners about the "idealized self" and explains why many of us don't like to look at our shadows.

Hannah also explains Carl Jung's concept of the collective shadow. She shows how this collective consciousness leads to groupthink, allowing people to feel supported and empowered and to collectively engage in hate, seeing people with differing views as the "other', a faceless group that is seen as bad and dangerous.

Hannah and Alexa talk about how to do shadow work. They share tools and ways people can unlock, explore and integrate their shadow sides. They explore the power of examining projections and reactions, psychotherapy, journaling, examining dreams, using substances like dmt and ayahuasca, and reflecting on the rules we each have in our shadow backpacks.

Hannah says that often sexuality is locked in our shadows. She explains the power and possibilities for growth that happen when we harness our sexual energy and examine the sexual elements we've placed in our shadow.

Hannah shares examples of shadow from the media and from movies. She explores Batman, Star Wars, and Disney, including Elsa.

Hannah explains that by becoming more aware and conscious of the elements of our shadows, we become more integrated and whole. We feel better, we have more power, we have more control over our behavior, and we feel less shame.

Resources:

Hannah Mirmiran and Alexa Theisen practice at Omaha Psychotherapy.

omahapsychotherapy.com

(402) 715-9710

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