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Become A Calm Mama — Kids & Family
Become A Calm Mama

Become a Calm Mama is a parenting podcast where you learn practical parenting tools and strategies so you can stop yelling, feel more calm, and show up as the mom you want to be.

If you’re a mom who ends the day feeling guilty about yelling, overwhelmed by your child’s big feelings, or unsure how to set limits without losing it, this podcast will help you parent with more calm, confidence, and connection.

I know that you don’t just want better behavior from your kid. You want to feel capable, confident, and proud of how you parent.

The good news is, you don’t have to stay stuck in a cycle of yelling, disconnection, and power struggles.

Whether you’re dealing with toddler meltdowns, sibling fights, school struggles, bedtime battles, teen attitude, or your own guilt after yelling, you’ll learn how to handle hard moments without losing yourself in the process.

Since 2015, I’ve taught my Connected Parenting Process to hundreds of moms (and dads!). When you apply this simple process to your tricky parenting moments, your kid’s behavior improves, your relationship with your child gets better, and you’ll actually enjoy motherhood (most of the time!).

Listen each week for practical strategies so you can stop yelling, become a calm mama, and create the peaceful home you want.

Darlynn Childress is the top parenting coach for moms who want to know exactly how to handle misbehavior and create a peaceful home. She is known for her practical strategies and a down to earth understanding of what it’s really like to be a mom raising kids in the 21st century.

Copyright: © Copyright 2022 Darlynn Childress

Latest Episodes:

How To Raise An Adult: An Interview With My Son On His 18th Birthday Jun 02, 2022

Show notes

It’s easy to look at a sweet little baby and completely forget that that they’re going to grow up one day. That you are actually figuring out how to raise an adult.

Stages of parenting

When your kid is really little, there are so many things you can’t imagine them doing. Like walking, sleeping through the night, feeding themselves, being out of diapers, starting kindergarten.

Then when they are in elementary school you can’t imagine them being a teenager, driving, having a first kiss, graduating from high school or turning 18.

It all feels so far away and impossible. Then by the time they do those things, it all seems normal.

That’s kind of how I feel about having an 18 year old. I couldn’t imagine ever getting here, and now that I’m here it all seems normal. (Well almost normal. I mean, I definitely have moments when I’m like “Wait, What? How did we get here?”)

On today’s episode I’m interviewing my 18-year old son, Lincoln Childress. You will love getting to know Lincoln because he is honest, insightful, and also dishes out some dirt.

How to raise an adult

Turning 18 means being on the cusp of adulthood. Still close enough to your childhood experiences that they are tangible, while also reaching forward to an unknown future.

During this episode Lincoln talks about what it was like being a kid, his struggles and the things he’s grateful for. He shares what his dad and I did right, and what we don’t understand about him. We get into sibling stuff, and also the pressure he feels at this milestone.

Our conversation is filled with honesty, connection, and laughter. It will give you new insight into childhood and you’ll see the benefits of emotional coaching in real time.

Free Resources:

Get your copy of the Stop Yelling Cheat Sheet at https://www.calmmamacoaching.com/stopyelling.

In this free guide you’ll discover:

✨ A simple tool to stop yelling once you’ve started (This one thing will get you calm.)

✨ 40 things to do instead of yelling. (You only need to pick one!)

✨ Exactly why you yell. (And how to stop yourself from starting.)

✨A script to say to your kids when you yell. (So they don't follow you around!)

Want to connect?

Follow me on Instagram @darlynnchildress
Book a free consultation session

Why Siblings Fight & What To Do About It May 26, 2022

Show notes

Ever wonder why siblings fight (like all the time)? And more importantly, what to do about it?

Sibling fighting can be arguing, physically fighting, saying mean things to each other, shouting or bickering - any of that.

We’re getting into it in this episode, and you might be surprised to learn that a lot of the “problem” isn’t even about the fight. It’s about how your kids’ fighting makes you feel and what you make it mean.

Why Siblings Fight

While it may be unpleasant and stressful for you as a parent, Sibling conflict is TOTALLY NORMAL. In fact, it’s actually healthy. Sibling relationships are one of the safest relationships to try out different things to see how relationships work.

I’m going through the top 5 reasons kids fight so you can start to see some patterns with your own kids.

The biggest culprits? Boredom, big feelings, resentment, habit…and boredom again.

How to Handle Sibling Conflict

So what do you do when things start to escalate?

Our focus here is not just on the interaction happening between your kids, but how YOU interact with your kids when they fight.

When you intervene and solve the conflict for your kids, they are not learning how to think and solve conflicts on their own. So fighting becomes an easy way for them to get attention, entertainment and release their big feelings.

When you guide your children to think and solve their problems, fighting becomes something that requires effort FOR THEM.

I’ll walk you through exactly what I mean and how you can show up as a guide (rather than a judge or referee) for your kids.

You’ll Learn:

One simple question to uncover your true thoughts about sibling conflict
The top five reasons kids fight
Your role in handling conflict between kids
What to do and say when your kids are fighting

Free Resources:

Get your copy of the Stop Yelling Cheat Sheet at https://www.calmmamacoaching.com/stopyelling.

In this free guide you’ll discover:

✨ A simple tool to stop yelling once you’ve started (This one thing will get you calm.)

✨ 40 things to do instead of yelling. (You only need to pick one!)

✨ Exactly why you yell. (And how to stop yourself from starting.)

✨A script to say to your kids when you yell. (So they don't follow you around!)

Want to connect?

Follow me on Instagram @darlynnchildress
Book a free consultation session

10 Things to Make Parenting Easier May 19, 2022

Show notes

10 years ago this May, I taught my first parenting class. TEN YEARS AGO! In this episode I’m sharing reflections and 10 observations to make parenting easier.

Celebrating 10 Years

Over the last decade, I’ve privately coached over 200 moms, taught over 500 hours of group classes to more than 1000 parents. I’ve written 4 parenting handbooks, at least 700 emails, thousands of social media posts and gave away over 20 different free parenting toolkits.

It’s been SO much fun!

I've learned A LOT about parenting, kids, mothers, families and the experience of motherhood and have done my best to create simple concepts, tools and scripts to help moms and dads create more peace and connection in their families without resorting to anger, threats and lectures.

This milestone has brought up a lot of memories, and I’m sharing the highs and lows with you today - including reading some passages from my journals in 2008 and 2009 - when I was feeling so lost as a mom.

3 years after opening up to a friend about my anger and fear and attending my very first parenting workshop, I wrote:

“Nothing is perfect. But there is peace and love in our home. I am a different person because of all I’ve gone through with Lincoln and learned in the process. I have come through the trenches and have a great foundation. And now I teach parenting classes!”

This is how I still feel today. In awe that I’ve created the peaceful home I deeply desire, healed myself along the way, and have the privilege of sharing what I’ve learned with you.

You and I Are Alike

We both love our kids and want to show up for our kids with kindness, compassion, confidence and a deep inner calm.

We both want our kids to be respectful and make good choices. and we both feel terrible when we yell or shame them into obedience.

We want really good relationships with our kids and we are willing to do whatever it takes to make that happen.

10 Observations to Make Parenting Easier

To help you take the first (or next steps) in your parenting journey, I've gathered 10 tried-and-true rules to live by in parenting.

If you practice these 10 things in your family, you will 100% have less yelling, more listening, more peace and feel a lot more calm.

And it won’t take 10 years to see these results! It’s almost instant!

Listen in to hear them all.

You’ll Learn:

What it was REALLY like for me when my kids were younger
The parenting goals I set for myself (and the fears that kept coming up)
10 of my favorite observations about parenting

Free Resources:

Get your copy of the Stop Yelling Cheat Sheet at https://www.calmmamacoaching.com/stopyelling.

In this free guide you’ll discover:

✨ A simple tool to stop yelling once you’ve started (This one thing will get you calm.)

✨ 40 things to do instead of yelling. (You only need to pick one!)

✨ Exactly why you yell. (And how to stop yourself from starting.)

✨A script to say to your kids when you yell. (So they don't follow you around!)

Want to connect?

Follow me on Instagram @darlynnchildress
Book a free consultation session

When Kids Are Bored May 12, 2022

Show notes

Hearing kids say "Mom, I'm bored" might be the most annoying phrase of all time. In this episode of the Become a Calm Mama podcast, I’m sharing what to do (and what not to do) when kids are bored.

What do you usually say after your kid says “I’m bored”?

I’m guessing you offer a bunch of suggestions and say "Why don't you do [blank]?"

Of course, your kid rejects them...and the cycle of them complaining, you problem solving and them not liking your ideas continues until you get mad and cut them off or just give in to screen time.

If this happens to you, you are not alone in this struggle.

The good news? Boredom is temporary, and it can even be a good thing!

Benefits of Boredom

Boredom is simply a gap between activities, but it feels super UNCOMFORTABLE for your kid.

This gap (which I call the boredom gap) is also where your child's growth happens.

Among other things, boredom:

Encourages imagination and creativity
Boredom teaches 'grit'
Boredom develops problem-solving skills

Your job is not to solve the problem for them, but to support them as they figure it out on their own.

A Word About Screen Time

Let’s face it: Screens are super entertaining.

It's a really easy way to satisfy the brain's need for fun, novelty, connection and distraction - and get rid of that uncomfortable bored feeling.

Screens by themselves are not a problem. The problem is our reliance on technology for stimulation, entertainment and quick-hits.

It’s hard for kids to shift away from easy entertainment, and they will resist your limits.

But there are ways you can help re-train their brains to move through the screen cravings and relentless protest to creative exploration - more quickly and easily.

You’ll Learn:

Why boredom is actually important for your child’s development
What your job is when your kid is bored
How to handle “the boredom gap”
How to deal with your kid’s resistance to screen time limits

Free Resources:

Get your copy of the Stop Yelling Cheat Sheet at https://www.calmmamacoaching.com/stopyelling.

In this free guide you’ll discover:

✨ A simple tool to stop yelling once you’ve started (This one thing will get you calm.)

✨ 40 things to do instead of yelling. (You only need to pick one!)

✨ Exactly why you yell. (And how to stop yourself from starting.)

✨A script to say to your kids when you yell. (So they don't follow you around!)

Want to connect?

Follow me on Instagram @darlynnchildress
Book a free consultation session

How to Enjoy Mother's Day May 05, 2022

Show notes

Mother’s Day is coming. And if you've had a few Mother's Days that end with you getting into bed feeling totally wiped out and resentful, this podcast episode is for you. I’m talking all about how to enjoy Mother’s Day.

Mother's Day has a way of ending up the OPPOSITE of ideal for most moms.

A lot of times moms spend Mother's Day cleaning up the kitchen after a messy breakfast in bed, followed by a lunch that's focused on their mother or mother-in-law, and then capped off by a rushed take-out dinner with all the regular bedtime routine shenanigans.

It’s time to take back Mother’s Day!

I’m just going to say it - Mother’s Day is FOR moms!

I want to help you design a Mother’s Day that actually feels good to you.

One where you get what you truly want from the day.

How do you get what you want on Mother’s Day?

Usually, two things keep moms from creating their ideal day: guilt and not asking for what they want.

I’m sharing tips to get past them both.

You also need to get clear on what your ideal day looks like and make a plan for it.

This will look very different based on your daily life, family structure and what feels right to you.

I also know that some of us are sitting with feelings of grief and loss on Mother’s Day. If this is you, give yourself a little tenderness and consider this when designing your day.

This Mother’s Day, I send my love to all the mothers. For the first mothers, the forever mothers, the motherless mothers, the childless mothers, and the not-yet mothers. I love you. I see you.

And I’m wishing you YOUR most ideal Mother’s Day yet.

You’ll Learn:

Steps for creating your ideal Mother’s Day
How to process the “Mother’s Day Hangover” of disappointment, resentment or sadness on Monday morning

Previous Episodes Mentioned:

Episode 9: Pause and Reset Your Emotions

Free Resources:

Get your copy of the Stop Yelling Cheat Sheet at https://www.calmmamacoaching.com/stopyelling.

In this free guide you’ll discover:

✨ A simple tool to stop yelling once you’ve started (This one thing will get you calm.)

✨ 40 things to do instead of yelling. (You only need to pick one!)

✨ Exactly why you yell. (And how to stop yourself from starting.)

✨A script to say to your kids when you yell. (So they don't follow you around!)

Want to connect?

Follow me on Instagram @darlynnchildress
Book a free consultation session

Dealing with a Grumpy Mood Apr 28, 2022

Show notes

A grumpy mood is totally normal - for you, your kid, and sometimes everyone at once!

In this episode of Become a Calm Mama, I’m giving you a few strategies for handling moments when you’re dealing with a grumpy kid, grumpy parents or when the whole family is in a grumpy mood.

When You Have a Grumpy Kid

Your kid is entitled to their moods.

It’s actually their job to learn how to manage their own thoughts and feelings.

Pain, discomfort, and grumpiness are inevitable. It's not the avoidance of pain that is the goal...it's the work of processing emotional pain that we want to help our kids with.

Don’t try to fix it. Just observe. Be their compassionate witness. It’s just a moment. Let it be what it is and wait for it to pass.

When There are Grumpy Parents

Just as it’s normal for your kids to be grumpy, it’s also normal for you.

You can just be grumpy and you don’t have to actually do anything about it (but you can if you want to).

I’ll walk you step-by-step through my process for shifting into a better mood.

When Everyone is Grumpy

Ever planned a "really fun" thing for you and your kids and it turns into tears, fights and disappointment?

Grumpy moods, sibling fights and stressed parents can make even the most fun activities feel terrible.

If no one is “feeling it” and you push through anyway, you might end up feeling more angry than if you would have stopped earlier.

When you decide on an activity or event, be flexible. Forcing something or continuing to do an activity even when everyone is “done” will leave you all feeling frustrated.

You'll Learn:

How not to let your kid ruin your mood
How to support your grumpy kid
How to use my Connection Tool to shift your own mood
How you can plan family activities and outings to accommodate moods and avoid disappointment

Free Resources:

Get your copy of the Stop Yelling Cheat Sheet at https://www.calmmamacoaching.com/stopyelling.

In this free guide you’ll discover:

✨ A simple tool to stop yelling once you’ve started (This one thing will get you calm.)

✨ 40 things to do instead of yelling. (You only need to pick one!)

✨ Exactly why you yell. (And how to stop yourself from starting.)

✨A script to say to your kids when you yell. (So they don't follow you around!)

Want to connect?

Follow me on Instagram @darlynnchildress
Book a free consultation session

When Your Child is Aggressive: The “Hard No” Apr 21, 2022

Show notes

When your child is being aggressive, it can be hard to know what to do.

In this episode of the Become A Calm Mama podcast, I’m teaching you how to keep your family safe when your kid is hitting, breaking things or calling names.

A foundational principle I teach is this: EVERYONE STAYS SAFE in your house.

That means the bodies and hearts of the people in your house don’t get hurt. By you. By their siblings. It also means YOU don’t get hurt either.

What to do if your kid is hitting

I'm often asked "What do I do if my kids are physically hurting each other??"

Kids hurting other kids (or you) is a behavior that can feel really overwhelming. And it can trigger a lot of stress for you.

The "hard no" is the perfect strategy for those kinds of tricky parenting moments.

It is a firm communication that your child’s feeling is ok but hurting others isn’t.

If your kid is hitting another kid or won’t stop hitting you, the “hard no” is how you stop them. I’ll walk you through what to say and do in the moment, including what to do if they don’t stop right away.

If your kid is name calling

Words can hurt, too. So, the “hard no” is also perfect for times when your child is insulting or threatening others (including you).

Name calling is a strategy they are using to communicate and cope with their feelings.

But if they are using hurtful or violent language or cursing, you will want to do a “hard no.”

A “hard no” doesn’t need to be harsh. You don’t have to be angry or activated to do a “hard no”.

Instead, put your focus on keeping everyone safe and calming yourself. Then, you can try to help your kid regulate their emotions and find safer ways to cope.

Listen to the full episode now for real-life examples and scripts you can use with your own kids.

You’ll Learn:

How to use the “hard no” - and exactly what you can say in some common situations
What parents usually do instead (and why it doesn’t work)
What your kid really needs from you in these moments - it’s not another lecture

Free Resources:

Get your copy of the Stop Yelling Cheat Sheet at https://www.calmmamacoaching.com/stopyelling.

In this free guide you’ll discover:

✨ A simple tool to stop yelling once you’ve started (This one thing will get you calm.)

✨ 40 things to do instead of yelling. (You only need to pick one!)

✨ Exactly why you yell. (And how to stop yourself from starting.)

✨A script to say to your kids when you yell. (So they don't follow you around!)

Want to connect?

Follow me on Instagram @darlynnchildress
Book a free consultation session

Post Pandemic Parenting: Is Your Kid OK? Apr 14, 2022

Show notes

Whether we’re technically post pandemic or not at this point, we can all agree that parenting has some additional challenges now - especially when you’re not sure if your kid is OK.

Our kids are out and about in the world, quarantine is over, schools are open, mask requirements are ending, and sports and other activities are a thing again.

But getting “back to normal” isn’t that simple.

In this episode, I’m talking about the after-effects of quarantine on kids, the worries and frustrations parents are having and giving you some strategies to cope.

Parenting in a pandemic

Among other things, quarantine had a big effect on our kids’ development.

Think of child development like a train on a track, chugging along toward adulthood.

But in March 2020, all the trains stopped. And kids got out at whatever station they were nearest to.

Your child’s development and growth continued - but in isolation. They weren’t developing in community with others.

When school, sports and other activities started up again, kids got back on the developmental train, but they’d been propelled forward, passing stations along the way.

The catching up they’re doing now creates a lot of stress.

Post pandemic life

Stress shows up in our kids in a lot of different ways.

And their stress creates a stress response in parents, too.

When you feel worried, overwhelmed and uncertain about how to help your child, you may find yourself signing them up for all the things, pushing them harder and trying to get them back on track.

Without realizing it, you’re putting even more pressure on your kids.

Listen to the full episode now to for ideas on how to support your child through this new stage.

You’ll Learn:

What stress looks like in kids
What your kid actually needs from you right now
How to offer activities and opportunities without overdoing it
What to say when your child is feeling stressed

Free Resources:

Get your copy of the Stop Yelling Cheat Sheet at https://www.calmmamacoaching.com/stopyelling.

In this free guide you’ll discover:

✨ A simple tool to stop yelling once you’ve started (This one thing will get you calm.)

✨ 40 things to do instead of yelling. (You only need to pick one!)

✨ Exactly why you yell. (And how to stop yourself from starting.)

✨A script to say to your kids when you yell. (So they don't follow you around!)

Want to connect?

Follow me on Instagram @darlynnchildress
Book a free consultation session

Pause & Reset Your Mind Apr 07, 2022

Show notes

Today we are talking about how to pause & reset your MIND and what I like to call “mama mind drama”.

When I talk about resetting your mind, what I mean is that you’ll move from default negative thoughts to intentional positive thoughts.

And this shift will change the way you show up and respond to your child.

It's not your kid's behavior that is driving you crazy.

It's your thoughts about your kid's behavior that are driving you crazy.

It's what you are making that behavior mean.

When you think thoughts like…

My kid doesn’t have the right to be this mad. He/She/They are the one who did the wrong thing in the first place.

They should know better.

If I was a better mom my kid would be happier and better behaved. This is my fault.

I can’t handle anything right now because I have so much pressure on me and I can’t ever get a break.

I must deal with this behavior right now or else it's going to get worse.

My kid will never learn.

You’ll notice feelings of anger, resentment, fear and overwhelm come up.

When your thoughts about a situation or behavior are negative, your stress response is WAY more likely to kick in.

Once stress juice takes over, you find yourself yelling and doing all the mom things you don’t like.

If you want to feel calm, peace, confidence, and compassion, you’ve got to choose thoughts that help you feel that way.

And in this episode, I’m teaching you how to do it!

You’ll Learn:

How your thoughts affect how you show up as a mom
What default thoughts are and how to shift your thoughts so you change your behavior
How to move through the stress response
My favorite thoughts that you can borrow when you need a reset
Real life examples for kids of all ages

Free Resources:

Get your copy of the Stop Yelling Cheat Sheet at https://www.calmmamacoaching.com/stopyelling.

In this free guide you’ll discover:

✨ A simple tool to stop yelling once you’ve started (This one thing will get you calm.)

✨ 40 things to do instead of yelling. (You only need to pick one!)

✨ Exactly why you yell. (And how to stop yourself from starting.)

✨A script to say to your kids when you yell. (So they don't follow you around!)

Want to connect?

Follow me on Instagram @darlynnchildress
Book a free consultation session

Pause & Reset Your Emotions Mar 31, 2022

Show notes

Today we are talking about something that might not seem related to parenting. Your feelings. Specifically, how to pause & reset your emotions.

One of the goals of Calm Mama Parenting is practicing compassion with your kids and teaching them what to do with their feelings. But first, of course, you have to know what to do with yours!

I define Emotional Literacy as:

You know what you’re feeling
You know how to talk about those feelings
You know what to do with those feelings

Most adults have no idea what to do with fear, sadness or anger. They stuff the feelings down and bury them under scrolling, binge watching, glasses of wine and gossip.

The most important thing you can do as a mom is process and manage your own emotions.

Because the more emotionally literate you are, the more emotionally literate your children will become.

And if you teach your kids what to do with their feelings, then when they grow up they won’t have to do destructive things with their feelings (like drugs, porn, over eating, over working, excessive shopping, over dieting, etc).

I think of this as healing the next generation in advance.

In this episode, I’ll walk you through what is really going on behind your feelings, a simple process to work through negative emotions and a personal example of what this looks like in real life.

You’ll Learn:

The 2 emotions I see parents struggle with the most
What happens when you “stuff” your feelings down (and clues to look for when you’re doing it)
3 simple steps to process a negative emotion so you can move through it

Also mentioned in this episode:

Episode 8: Pause & Reset Your Body

Free Resources:

Get your copy of the Stop Yelling Cheat Sheet at https://www.calmmamacoaching.com/stopyelling.

In this free guide you’ll discover:

✨ A simple tool to stop yelling once you’ve started (This one thing will get you calm.)

✨ 40 things to do instead of yelling. (You only need to pick one!)

✨ Exactly why you yell. (And how to stop yourself from starting.)

✨A script to say to your kids when you yell. (So they don't follow you around!)

Want to connect?

Follow me on Instagram @darlynnchildress
Book a free consultation session

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