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    Health

    Beat Your Genes Podcast

    Evolutionary psychology with Dr. Doug Lisle, PhD and Nathan Gershfeld, D.C.

    Most psychology advice treats your brain like a broken machine. Beat Your Genes starts somewhere different: your instincts aren’t broken. They’re just optimized for a Stone Age environment that no longer exists.

    Dr. Lisle – Evolutionary psychologist, former Stanford lecturer, and co-author of The Pleasure Trap – has spent decades developing frameworks that explain human behavior from the ground up.

    Nathan Gershfeld, D.C. – trained first as an electrical engineer and then spent 14 years as a Doctor of Chiropractic. He brings a systems thinker’s curiosity to every conversation. He mostly lets Dr. Lisle talk.

    Topics include relationships and attraction, self-esteem, personality, depression and anxiety, willpower, the ego trap, and how pushy people exploit agreeable ones.

    380+ episodes. New episodes every other week.

    New here? Start at beatyourgenes.org/start-here

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    Copyright: © BeatYourGenes.org. All Rights Reserved.

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    Latest Episodes:
    314: Are men right more often than women? Own personality distortions, Getting flustered in arguments, Do children's personality evolve through adulthood? Aug 24, 2023
    Show notes

    Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD and social scientist, Jen Howk, PhD discuss the following listener questions:

    1. How does one go about getting an objective personality test? I have a friend that constantly mentions that they are cursed with being highly conscientious and very agreeable. However most others in our friend group find them not very conscientious, and highly disagreeable. How does low intelligence impact distortions in ones own perceptions of their personality, and possibly reality in general?

    2. I am a very agreeable female married for many years. My husband and I very occasionally disagree and I find I need to stand up for myself. He stays calm and I get really anxious in an argument and even end up saying things I don't even mean in the heat of it all which upsets me and him. Can I learn to stand up for myself but be calmer and if so can you help me with how to do this.

    3. In a great relationship, would a woman feel more comfortable if her mate was right more often than she was during disagreements?

    4. I know that a child's personality can go through a kind of dramatic evolution from a young age to adulthood. For instance, I know a very pleasant, agreeable young man who was quite obnoxious when he was 10. And I would suspect that this development is all genetic, and that an identical twin would also be obnoxious at 10 and pleasant at 18. I am wondering if there is a continual evolution of the personality as an adult that is genetic. For instance, I know a woman who became increasingly bitter over the years. Is she likely more bitter at 55 than 18 due to circumstances or due to genetics?

    Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

    Host: Nathan Gershfeld

    Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D. and Jen Howk, Ph.D.

    Podcast website: www.BeatYourGenes.org

    True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us

    Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus


    313: Dr. Lisle & Nate: Why are people snobby? Why doesn't my spouse want to improve their health? Can you sleep train an infant? Single by choice but lonely Aug 10, 2023
    Show notes

    Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD discusses the following questions:

    1. I find snobbish behavior fascinating (sometimes irritating, sometimes amusing), but I don't really understand the evolutionary basis of it. What are the basic motivations behind and effects of snobbish behavior? Is it insecurity and an attempt to hijack unearned or unwarranted status, a combination of personality traits, or something else?
    2. My husband is 56 yrs old obese,smokes all day and eats the SAD diet and does not exercise. He just got a colonoscopy he has diverticulosis,internal hemorrhoids and 3 polyps removed.We are waiting on pathology report.His cholesterol is high and is pre diabetic.I have been trying to motivate him to make some changes to his diet or lifestyle but I have failed.Now he even gets irritated with me taking about it. I'm whole-foods, plant-based and exercise daily.I'm really getting frustrated.What should I do?
    3. I am pregnant and in my readings on parenting, I came across the hotly contested topic of infant sleep. In short, the sleep training camp believes that babies need to be taught how to sleep independently, and that the "cry it out" method does not cause any harm. Their rhetoric is heavy on the idea that babies are manipulating their parents and if the parent doesn't sleep train, then they are creating terrible habits and will be trapped by their child's sleep. The anti-sleep training camp believes that babies naturally want to be close to their caregiver (like other carrying mammals) and that the "cry it out" method is cruel and does not work. They believe that sleep training ruins the secure attachment that babies need, and that babies who have responsive parents will develop into more independent and secure children. I think the cry-it-out method is biologically inappropriate, but I also don't know if I believe that it has the capacity to cause long-term harm. I also think that disagreeable parents are more likely to sleep train. At the end of the day, it seems like it all comes down to personality, and the best my husband and I can do is hope that we get a baby as agreeable as the two of us. What are your thoughts on sleep from an evopsych perspective?
    4. Do you have any tips on how to pursue physical intimacy as a single, young woman if you are not finding a proper "pair bond" partner . Ive been single for about two years, so far haven't met anyone who would qualify as a proper boyfriend but have a strong craving for intimacy. I already follow your tip to delay sex to not get hurt but I still do not want to miss out on the cuddling, intimacy, attraction part. Do you have any tips on communication skills and how to spot qualities in a partner who might be able to provide that?

    Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

    Host: Nathan Gershfeld

    Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D.

    Podcast website: www.BeatYourGenes.org

    True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us

    For consults, visit www.EsteemDynamics.com

    Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus


    312: Fraud in Lancet journal, Should I stay in an unhappy or sub-par relationship? Jul 27, 2023
    Show notes

    Evolutionary psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD and social scientist, Jen Howk, PhD discuss a very misleading graph in a recent paper published in Lancet Journal along with the following listener questions:

    1.To what extent would you say children, money and marriage contracts keep sub-par relationships intact today vs. the lesser stickiness of relationships in the stone age. This isn't always a bad thing, right? Parents are raising kids and everyone gets to keep more of their wealth. What's the harm- why bother splitting things up in the hopes of finding a magic 10. Isn't the conservation of energy circuit just doing what it does?

    2. I am stuck in a loveless marriage. I had a steady career making six figures as a pharmacist. I hated my job, but I was stuck because I was over $500,000 in debt. I then met a rich man who promised me if I married him I wouldn't have to work another day in my life. He paid off my student debt. So I agreed to marry him. Five years later, I am miserable. I never loved him, but I also feel like I have no purpose in life. I do nothing besides sleep, eat, exercise and attend social events. He has maids, cooks, nannies and tutors taking care of everything a woman normally would. The sex is awful, most of the time I just lie there waiting for him to finish and pretend to enjoy it. He loves and is attracted to me, but now even the sight of him repulses me even though he did nothing wrong. Now I am stuck in a dilemma: do I stay in a loveless marriage and comfortable life, forgoing my chance at ever finding true love, or do I leave, go back to a job I hate and have a chance at finding true love? I am a 32 year old female and he is 45

    3. Dear doctors. I've been with my wife for a couple of decades. She was always very physically beautiful and I was very overrewarded up until we had kids several years ago. She is still the best person I know, however she has lost the looks and the dopamine doesn't drive me to seek her the way it use to. I've tried to talk to her about this, but she is pretty firm in her stance that I have to take it or leave it. I love my kids too much to leave the relationship, but I know deep down I would be happier with someone who I am attracted to physically. Do I do what my dad did and stick out an unhappy marriage for the kids? Or do I make the exit plan that most men seem to always do?

    Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

    Host: Nathan Gershfeld

    Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D. and Jen Howk, Ph.D.

    Podcast website: www.BeatYourGenes.org

    True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us

    Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus


    311: Can you screw up a good relationship? Finding the courage to break up. Jul 13, 2023
    Show notes

    Evolutionary Psychologist, Doug Lisle, PhD, and Harvard social scientist, Jen Howk, PhD. discuss physical attractiveness & general health, whether a relationship can fall apart from a simple misunderstanding, choosing one passion from many, and finding the courage to make hard decisions about a relationship.

    Study mentioned: "Physical Attractiveness & CardioMetabolic Risk" https://doi.org/10.1002/ajhb.23895

    Q1: Do physically attractive people have an easier time developing attractive skills? I'll give an example because I'm having trouble wording this: on shows like American Idol, more often than not when someone can sing, they are physically attractive. I know that that instance is probably just selection bias by the editors of the show, but it got me thinking: are attractive people on average born with more attractive genes which are also better at developing attractive skills?

    Q2. Is there anything one can do to improve chances of "qualifying" for a pair bond besides following the "10 paid dates" rule? Or if it's more like, either you do or don't qualify and it's out of one's control. Is it that all one can do is just wait and see?

    Q3: I am a very conscientious and passionate person with varied interests. When I become interested in something, I consume all the information I possibly can and eventually move on to another hyperfixation. I am trying to figure out a career path, but feel a bit like a master of none, despite having more knowledge on niche topics than anyone else I know. Evopysch is appealing because it is a topic that contains all other topics, but making a career out of Everything seems insurmountable. How can I use evopsych to try and figure out what topics are worth building a career around when I feel equally passionate about all of them?

    Q4: I am with a man (he's 26, Im 25) who has been my best friend for many years. I love him a lot and honestly think in terms of compatibility I might never find someone better. He makes me really happy in my daily life. However, the sex and intimacy is almost forced on my part. He doesn't turn me on as much as my previous partners. The sex quality is good and he'd do anything for me. But I'm always relieved when it's over. I also am still sexually and romantically interested in other men . How do I navigate this situation? As we are long distance I often find myself having the urge to cheat as he might never find out.

    Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

    Host: Nathan Gershfeld

    Interviewees: Doug Lisle, Ph.D. and Jen Howk, Ph.D.

    Podcast website: www.BeatYourGenes.org

    True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us

    Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus


    310: Do women dangle sex? Maintaining friends when income becomes disparate, Are Modern-day office jobs feminized? Does society prefer sons? Jun 29, 2023
    Show notes

    In today's episode, Dr. Lisle & Howk discuss:

    1. You talk about Tears, Anger, Force, Fraud and Free Trade RA strategies. Why did you exclude sex from this list? And in particular, women dangling sex to get men to do stuff. I guess we can ideally put this in the FREE TRADE category, but sex can be gotten by using any of these other RA strategies too I suppose. Anything more to add here?
    2. Do the doctors have any thoughts on the ability of people in different socioeconomic situations to be friends, or maintaining friendships when socioeconomic situations that were similar become disparate? I am in my 40s and have remained close with a group of four other women from college. We all come from upper middle class backgrounds and are professionals doing pretty well. However, one of my friends has become wealthy. I feel that this causes some resentment and awkwardness between her a couple of other women who become irritated with her and don't seem to believe that she could possibly have any problems. My friend who is wealthy is pretty humble and neither brags about nor conceals her circumstances, but this happens nonetheless. This has me wondering generally about how important similar socioeconomics are to friendships and why. When problems arises due to this difference, it there a way to beat our genes in order to preserve friendships?
    3. Can Dr Lisle discuss if he has any views on the feminisation of modern desk based/ office jobs. To me the majority of knowledge work in the corporate world feels better suited to gathering oriented nervous systems as opposed to hunter oriented nervous systems, especially when you look at the nature of the recognition culture in corporations. It seems like it is very much suited to align with the types of reward structures women would seek out. How might this impact the feelings of excitement, boredom or fulfilment for people who are not inclined in this way?
    4. I was trying to think about patriarchy/son preference through the lens of evolutionary psychology. Here's what I came up with: As far as I can tell, this tendency tends to be stronger in traditional societies with a strong emphasis on marriage. Males are willing sleep down under casual mating strategy but want to sleep up with a fancier females if pursuing long-term mating strategy. In a marriage-type situation the male's offspring will probably be fancier/more desirable than he is. If that male has a son who, in turn, pair bonds with an even more attractive female, his grandkids will be fancier still. But if he has a daughter, she might have to marry "down" to secure resources for her future offspring, in which case the original male's grandkids won't be as "desirable". Could a son preference basically just boil down to the hope that, by "marrying up" generation after generation, the original male's genes will eventually out compete all his competitors and either take over the world or be all 10s?
    5. What is unique about teen brains that make them so commonly giddy, laughing and joyous when hanging out with their friends? What's so funny? I'm so old I don't remember!

      Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

      Host: Nathan Gershfeld

      Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D. and Jen Howk, Ph.D.

      Podcast website: www.BeatYourGenes.org

      True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us

      Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus


    309: Resentful of Cheating Dad, Do Men Prefer to Earn More than Spouse, Moving In with Partner but Marriage is Off the Table Jun 15, 2023
    Show notes

    In today's episode, Dr. Lisle and Howk discuss the following questions:

    1. I listened to your talk discussing whether humans actually have Free Will: If we, as an organism are just doing what we perceive is optimal for the species in survival and reproduction, does that mean that I should not be very angry at my father who cheated on my Mom repeatedly, divorced her, and spent the rest of his life hitting on women whenever one seemed available in front of him? It has bothered me my whole life and as his daughter I hate him for that. But of course, as I am agreeable, I have never told him that but deep down I resent him.
    2. Does the average man prefer to make a higher salary than his spouse? And does the average man prefer to have a degree that is at least as advanced as his spouse? How does it affect a man if he makes less money than his wife, or is not as accomplished academically?
    3. So I understand that women can't make themselves more attractive by earning more money, but all things being equal, will men generally select a woman making more money rather than less? Also, what about a woman who makes significantly more than a guy -- might that hurt her chances with him?
    4. As a man how do I approach my partner about moving in and us signing a cohabitation agreement that everything is separate other than things we agree to in advance? She is very sensitive and think it will be a tough subject to talk about. I have a lot more money than she does and don't want any legal matters to be an issue later if we break up. Marriage is not in the cards.

      Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

      Host: Nathan Gershfeld

      Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D. and Jen Howk, Ph.D.

      Podcast website: www.BeatYourGenes.org

      True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us

      Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus


    308: Dumped but then he came back, Can't eat healthy unless I live in the woods, Do introverts need to socialize more Jun 01, 2023
    Show notes

    In today's show, Dr. Lisle & Howk review the following questions:

    1. How do you reconcile Dr. Jen's potted plant theory with Dr. Lisle's ego trap? As someone that is over 90th percentile introverted and emotionally unstable I find I prefer to keep my world very small and do not have energy for much socializing outside of working full time in an office full of people. Sometimes people encourage me to push myself to socialize more but I'm content spending time at home with my spouse and animals - how would I know if I avoid socializing due to an ego trap or if I'm just designing a life that fits my big 5?
    2. A friend of mine was recently dumped via text message. She was in a relationship with this man for about 6 months, everything was going well (both had been married previously and had teenage children). The breakup came as a complete shock to my friend. 6 weeks later the guy contacted my friend, appologised for dumping her and asked for a second chance. Is it possible he was seeing someone else and realised my friend was a better 'mate' option?
    3. As a woman in my 50s who has eaten crap her whole life and fought her weight the whole time too, I have found that unless I quit my job, divorce my husband, drop all my friends, move to a cabin in the woods in total isolation with no form of communication or entertainment and never leave while growing my own whole foods, controlling everything in my environment is impossible and triggers and cravings are everywhere. (and some appear without any noticeable provocation and with a connection that only my brain can seem to find.). What can I do? I am trying to deprogram over 50 years of programming and habits and are surrounded by people who aren't even trying and surrounded by an industry and environment that is bound and determined to make me sick and fat.

      Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

      Host: Nathan Gershfeld

      Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D. and Jen Howk, Ph.D.

      Podcast website: www.BeatYourGenes.org

      True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us

      Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus


    307: Where Does Evolutionary Psychology Evidence Come From? May 18, 2023
    Show notes

    In today's show, Dr. Lisle discusses in detail "Where does the evidence for evolutionary psychology come from?"

    Our first question from a listener begins, " I am incredibly fascinated by EP and feel that I have learned so much from the show. I do wonder sometimes though when the questions get answered, what evidence/research is it based on? Assuming the conclusions are inferred... there obviously isn't a set of randomized control trial which provides the answers. I ask for my own interest but also as to provide additional weight to my recommendations to friends/family to learn about this area as I have been doing for the last couple of years. "

    Question # 2 from a different listener: "What personality traits correlate with people who seek continual simple pleasures in place of higher achievements, even if their community values higher achievements? Such as people who choose alcohol over the success of their career or relationship, or who shirk responsibly because it feel "too hard" or "too much" for them?"

    Host: Nathan Gershfeld

    Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D.

    Podcast website: www.BeatYourGenes.org

    True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us

    To schedule a consultation with Dr. Lisle, visit www.EsteemDynamics.com

    Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus

    Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast


    306: Romance novel villains, Boyfriend admits he kissed an ex, Socially awkward or self-preservation, Is population getting dumber & flakier? May 04, 2023
    Show notes
    1. Why do women fall in love with villains in romance novels? I was reading through my girlfriend's provocative novels and the men in these books are not noble or kind, they are dark, twisted, cruel, violent criminals, stalkers, vampires, demons or devils. The sex scenes are aggressive and violent. An example I will never forget is the love interest, who is a stalker, violating the woman with a loaded gun and knife. Is there an evolutionary reason why women would like this? If this is what my girlfriend likes, I don't even understand why she's with me. I am exactly the opposite of these men.
    2. I am in a relationship with a divorced man who is 15 years my senior, with two adults (or nearly adult) children. We've been together for about two years, and he just communicated that six months ago, he kissed a close friend of ours in our shared home. He said it meant nothing (they had a previous relationship) and the kiss was intended to signalize "closure" - that it was the first and last time that something like this has happened in our relationship. He has a history of adultery (his prior wife left him because of serial cheating). Should I trust that this is a one-off thing, or trust my intuition and take a painful step to end the relationship?
    3. Afraid of being threatening to others, especially other women, I dress down, don't wear makeup, don't bother with my appearance, am obese. Is this a form of self preservation/protection? I always had poor social skills and to not get hurt, I isolate and dress down etc. Don't know why I have poor social skills, I may be slightly autistic or asocial.
    4. Given that people with less conscientiousness have more children, would it stand to reason that people in general are less conscientious than in the past? I would presume this might hold true in other areas -- for instance, wouldn't people with less intelligence also have more children? So over time, wouldn't we see less conscientiousness and lower intelligence in the population at large?

    Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

    Host: Nathan Gershfeld

    Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D. and Jen Howk, Ph.D.

    Podcast website: www.BeatYourGenes.org

    True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us

    Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus


    305: AI Fears, Frustrated Serial monogamist - Am I a whore? Daughter is wasting life living with me, Looking for your hometown Apr 20, 2023
    Show notes

    In today's episode, Dr. Lisle & Dr. Howk discuss artifical intelligence and some of their fears for the future. Then at 26:15, the discussion turns to answering these listener questions:

    1. I am a frustrated serial monogamist female looking for my magic 10%. For the past six years, I've been in several long-term relationships. I enter every relationship with the hope that he is the one and the desire and dedication to make it last. However, after a year or so, I gradually realize that the person isn't right for me, become disillusioned and fall out of love with him, and then am poached out by the next prospect. However, I never mean for this to happen, and it is painful every time. I am truly pair-bond oriented, but I am worried that my "inability to settle down" is sending casual mating signals. I am a very demanding person in all areas of life, including this one, which inadvertently makes me fall out of love with someone because they don't meet my standards. I was like this even before discovering evolutionary psychology, but especially now. However, this has led to accusations from my parents of being unable to be satisfied by one man - crassly put, that I'm a whore. And I'm worried that future male partners will see it that way. How do I continue dating and exploring relationships in order to find that magic 10% without ruining my reputation? Should I avoid being intimate with someone for many months until I'm sure that they meet all of my standards? How do I avoid leading both myself and the other person on, and not trick myself into thinking that this will last forever? How do I cope with the fact that I may never find someone who makes me happy forever in that fairytale way?

    2. My 35 year old daughter refuses to grow up, get a job and move out. She has a university degree but she doesn't want to use it. It also seems like she doesn't have any goals for herself. She says she wants to live with me forever. She also doesn't want to get married or have children. It doesn't bother me that she lives with me, but I feel like she's wasting her life. How do I help her? What do I do? Please don't tell me to kick her out or charge rent because I won't do it. I love her too much and am too conscientious and agreeable.

    3.My husband and I currently live in New York but want to move somewhere that better fits our values and lifestyle. We feel "politically homeless" and would like to avoid the insanity of either end of the political spectrum. We work remotely, are college-educated, vegan, plan to homeschool, and are non-religious… we know that no place is perfect, but would love to hear your thoughts on whether this warm, friendly, community-centered place exists, or if we are just looking for a unicorn.

    Copyright Beat Your Genes Podcast

    Host: Nathan Gershfeld

    Interviewee: Doug Lisle, Ph.D. and Jen Howk, Ph.D.

    Podcast website: www.BeatYourGenes.org

    True to Life seminars with Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk : www.TrueToLife.us

    Intro & outro song: City of Happy Ones · Ferenc Hegedus


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