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    Health

    Beat Your Genes Podcast

    Evolutionary psychology with Dr. Doug Lisle, PhD and Nathan Gershfeld, D.C.

    Most psychology advice treats your brain like a broken machine. Beat Your Genes starts somewhere different: your instincts aren’t broken. They’re just optimized for a Stone Age environment that no longer exists.

    Dr. Lisle – Evolutionary psychologist, former Stanford lecturer, and co-author of The Pleasure Trap – has spent decades developing frameworks that explain human behavior from the ground up.

    Nathan Gershfeld, D.C. – trained first as an electrical engineer and then spent 14 years as a Doctor of Chiropractic. He brings a systems thinker’s curiosity to every conversation. He mostly lets Dr. Lisle talk.

    Topics include relationships and attraction, self-esteem, personality, depression and anxiety, willpower, the ego trap, and how pushy people exploit agreeable ones.

    380+ episodes. New episodes every other week.

    New here? Start at beatyourgenes.org/start-here

    Advertise

    Copyright: © BeatYourGenes.org. All Rights Reserved.

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    Latest Episodes:
    (Replay) Being a therapist, Overcoming fears & anxieties Mar 11, 2021
    Show notes

    In today's replay of episode 212, the Dr's discuss the following questions: 1. Would you still recommend psychology as a career? I am interested in becoming a therapist, and your podcast has turned what I thought I knew on it's head and has completely changed the way I would want to go about my theoretical orientation. But now that it's so different, I feel like I am doubting everything. Could you talk a little about what it's like to be in the position of the therapist? I am looking for information to direct my behavioral output. 2. How do I overcome fear? I have a friend who is brave and courageous! I would so like to accomplish those qualities, but whether it comes to sky diving, public speaking, or taking other risks im super scared and it takes so much for me to make the leap? How can I make the leap easier and become more courageous when I know that's what I really want? any tricks/shortcuts/technique or game changing information regarding this? 3. I am a female in my 50s now, and all of my life when someone is mad or upset with me, for any reason and no matter who has the 'right' to be upset, I cannot live with it. I perseverate on it and I cannot shake things until things are resolved and even after sometimes I do not find a release. I am surprised that at this point in my life I cannot shake this. For example, at work I made a mistake and I am working to fix the error, but I am ashamed and even though I am moving forward with efforts to fix the problem and grow from it, I cannot rest for weeks. What is this heavy and stressful feeling trying to tell me?


    251: Am I with Mr. Right for the Wrong Reasons? Mar 04, 2021
    Show notes

    In this episode, Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk discuss this situation: I am a 26 year old female and in a two year relationship with a guy named Luke. He is an MD and works at the hospital, he is rather smart, lookwise pretty average but neighter overweight nor has a funky smell. He is a nice guy, will provide for me and the family as soon as we have kids, which is already on our agenda. He respects my wishes to a large extent and eats only plant based at home though he used to eat meat. He is caring and always there for me even when I am going a bit crazy. Sounds perfect right? Well. When I was 20 I met a guy (Dave) and we became best friends, after a year or so we had a short phase where we had sex, which led to quite some trouble and our friendship wasn't the same ever since. We did see each other every couple of months but we never got that close again, he also moved to another country closeby. I really fell for him though and all throughout the years I was never able to let go of him, he appeared in my dreams and so on. He is the same age as me and my partner, but restarted college again in the new country he is in now, he is in no position to provide while I want to be a stay at home mum. Also he is not into me. He never was and I don't think he ever will be. I dont't know why I can't get this guy out of my head, he still makes me shaky after five years and a lot of misbehaviour on his side. Luke on the other side is nice. But I never crushed on him once, it was all a rational choice. So tell me. How can I let go of this feeling for Dave? I just don't get it, my mind is totally on board with planing my future with Luke and having a familiy and kids soon, still there is always this nagging voice/ feeling reminding me of Dave. I also thought about him while I was having sex with Luke and I feel really bad about it. How do I move on? I really want to be happy and feel like I am standing in my ow way.


    250: Owing parents,Child's junk affects Mom's health,Too sensitive?, Half effort Feb 18, 2021
    Show notes

    In today's episode, Dr. Lisle discusses: 1. How much do you owe your parents as they age? My father is very disagreeable and I hate being around him. As my father ages, he will need me to care for him more but I would like to move out of state. He does not have any savings to afford quality nursing home care. Do I need to take him with me because there would be no one else here to care for him? 2. I'm having environment issues and I'm really stuck as to what to do about it. I have a 36 year old special needs daughter. Every chance I get, I sneak into her room and grab some cookies, or candy or whatever else she has stashed in there away from Mom. It's really hindering my progress. 3. I am easily thrown off by simple things at work or in my personal life- and I'm a crier. My mom and I had a disagreement recently and I didn't get over it for over an hour and kept involuntarily crying because I was so upset that I disappointed her. I don't re-calibrate quickly from negative feedback and I'd like to learn how to get better at it. Maybe I'm too darn sensitive. 4. I am very happy with my life, have a dream job, good performance reviews, good pay and I so I should be happy. But I know that I'm not fully applying myself at work and I that I'm cruising at 50% effort. As as result I feel constant guilt for slacking off at work, and yet I cannot seem to force myself to work harder. The boss is happy, and unless there is an immediate and heavy deadline I don't feel motivated. Can you talk about this phenomenon please?


    (Replay) Neuroticism and IQ, Creating habits, Saving a post-affair marriage Feb 11, 2021
    Show notes

    In today's replay of episode 211, Dr. Lisle & Dr. Howk discuss: 1. How does neuroticism interact with IQ? We've all been in situations where a reasonable point of view is met by a barrage of irritable insults. Are people whose emotions play such a major role able to reason in an abstract and measured way, or does high neuroticism knock off the equivalent of 10 or 20 IQ points? Has this ever been studied? 2. What are the uses and limits of trying to create habits? For example, I often try to establish patterns of doing the dishes before bed, going to bed early, showering early during the day, cleaning regularly and the like, but it inevitably falls apart like someone coming off a diet. In what areas are/situations is it worth bothering, and how do I keep of track? How do I alter the CB amd make my conscious priorities into my nervous system's priorities too? 3. My husband had an affair last year, but we are slowly working through things ourselves and taking steps to save our marriage for our children. 1. How can I get over the feelings of inadequacy I have in my marriage post-affair? It's been almost a year since I found out and I still bring it up in arguments. At times I use it as my trump card and win our arguments as he feels bad every time I bring it up. Yet I can't bring myself to stop doing it. 2. How can I let go of the jealousy and resentment towards his affair partner? They are still in contact and remain friends. I find myself checking her social media accounts and obsessing over her, and I want to stop.


    249: Washed Up Jimmy is Offended, Do Friends & Business mix? Feb 04, 2021
    Show notes

    In today's episode, Dr Lisle & Howk discuss the following questions 1.My friend (washed up Jimmy) felt that the Doctors were undervaluing 'washed up Jimmys' potential contribution to a relationship. He made an interesting point. In a society that is bringing women into the workforce, there will inevitably be more relationships with higher earning females. We can see that this will run afoul of our ancient attraction circuits. But isn't this a necessary trade off of the gender equality movement?If women in the workforce must "status-settle" on a lower earner, why not have a washed up Jimmy, as opposed to a low earning Horace? Horace can neither provide sexuality nor security. Maybe this is why this is a recurring dynamic in Dr. Howk's practice. The conversation got me thinking that perhaps a society that adheres to traditional genders roles is more conducive to viable romance. 2.I recently tried and failed to make my best friend into a trading partner. She needed money and seemed like she would be an asset to my business. I had started a proofreading company and hoped she would become one of my most reliable editors because she told me she had great experience and lots of her own clients. After she did a few less-than-perfect jobs for me, I decided I would not be passing on any more work to hersince I was losing money (I had to get her work re-edited). At the time, I didn't want to hurt her feelings by telling her the work wasn't good enough, so I paid her, said nothing, and hoped she would get the idea. Several months later, she has realised and cannot forgive me. For me, this was a purely business decision and was not personal. Even though I feel bad for her and how I handled the situation, I can't accept that I should have done different. But I've now lost a friend. Was this conflict of interests inevitable and is there any way to salvage this friendship?


    (Replay) Minimizing distortions, Worth it to disagree? Jan 28, 2021
    Show notes

    In tonight's replay of episode 190, Dr. Lisle discusses the following questions: 1. I was wondering how Dr Lisle reconciled two seemingly opposing thoughts I've heard on separate episodes. 1. CBT is an effective therapy to mitigate cognitive distortions and 2. The human brain/nervous system does an immaculate job of evaluating its effectiveness and status within a group. If our brains do such an amazing job of evaluating feedback from the group, why are cognitive distortions so common? 2.I've often felt anger when someone seems to misunderstand something, perhaps honestly and perhaps disingenuously in something that is approaching an argument. The feeling often keeps me from explaining exactly what I mean because I expect that the exact points of the disagreement are disingenuous so it won't matter and I will only regret justifying myself and "opening up". You've often mentioned that that communication in relationships isn't faulty the way most psychologist say, but you've also talked about getting crystal clear. So should I beat my genes and get crystal clear, or is the inference that it won't change a thing correct?


    248: Earning esteem, feeling pride, and self-improvement Jan 21, 2021
    Show notes

    In today's episode, Dr. Lisle discusses the following question: Do you have any tips for getting yourself to do the hard things you know you should do? I am a voracious consumer of self-improvement content. I truly believe in the science and superiority of the whole food plant-based diet, in the importance of regular exercise for physical and mental health, and in the benefit of productivity and life-improvement. I have things that I know would absolutely improve my life in the long run but I cannot seem to make myself do these things, even though I am high in conscientiousness. It's as if I keep convincing myself I can just "slip on by" being lazy. It's a pattern that has followed me all my life - I'm quite smart and always got good grades but I've only put in the effort to do well rather than extraordinary well like I could have, even though I know this would be of great benefit to my life in the long-run. I just don't know what to do with myself anymore. I'm in my mid-20s and obese, lonely, depressed, addicted to technology, and performing far below what I could be in life. How do I get myself to do the things that I know will make myself more happy and increase my competitiveness in society?


    (Replay) Stuck in a stagnant rut, Mirror emotions, More detail on agreeableness Jan 14, 2021
    Show notes

    In tonight's replay of episode 187, Dr. Lisle discusses: 1. Why am I so stagnant? Despite doing poorly in practically all the dimensions of my life (romantic, social, pursuit) I don't take any effective action. I've done an immense amount of therapies from various modalities, worked with many therapists, including numerous other things to no avail. I stew and rage but don't do anything and I don't know why. I also like to feel like a victim so as to not feel the pressure of responsibility. 2. Your explanation of anger and guilt being mirror emotions really struck me. Do you think there is always a mirror emotion like anger and guilt? Or is it rather mostly a spectrum like your explanation of depression and boredom, when related to stress? I would be curious to hear about more on categorizing emotions. 3. I am a bit confused about when disagreeableness is seen as a negative and positive trait. You said agreeableness is a highly valued trait, and while it is clear that one would want a disagreeable lawyer, you also said that charisma basically comes down to disagreeableness, and when most people think of charismatic people, they certainly don't think of pushiness and anger. I am probably ~75th percentile disagreeable (but pretty stable) and generally try to beat my genes by hiding it, but, not contradicting people, avoiding confrontation, for example with groups of friends. Am I right to do so, or could I win more friends/esteem by being more "assertive"? 4. I'm trying to work on it, but I feel I have an issue with agreeableness. I'm too agreeable, to the point that I feel bad about myself for disappointing others, like turning down a job offer or rejecting a potential partner when it's obvious that those situations won't work out. How do I get past this, "trying to please all of the people all of the time" mentality


    247: Govt & Pleasure Trap, Avoiding ego trap as a celeb, Evo Psych over 60 Jan 07, 2021
    Show notes

    In today's show, Dr. Howk & Dr. Lisle discuss: 1. On your episode about the 2020 election, I was very surprised to hear the two of you lionize the sturdiness of American government when one of the central problems in American life, diet-related disease, is so largely attributable to lobbying. If government can be bought, how am I supposed to buy the idea of a reliable government? 2. How do people like the Esselstyns, Dr Campbell, and others not fall into the Ego Trap re: plant based eating? 3. Would you do a show addressing dating between men and women who are past their baby-making years? Those in their fifties and sixties or older who are widowed or divorced. As a 62 year old widow it seems most men just want something casual with no commitment. I want a commited partner. Any advice? 4. Last week I was crushed to hear Dr. Lisle say he is dead from an evolutionary prospective. As a an avid follower of Dr L, Dr H and BYG, this active 75 yr old woman is finished with with reproduction but still desiring social contact and certainly not ready to retreat from the village. I would love to hear you address the social needs of seniors who are open extroverts.


    246: 2020 Year in Review Dec 31, 2020
    Show notes

    In today's show, Nate Gershfeld recaps some favorite clips from the 2020 episodes.


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