Ask Christopher West

Latest Episodes:

A Beautiful Challenge | ACW74 Jun 01, 2020

Show notes

Are humans fundamentally "not good"? My husband needs to be intimate to feel close, and I need to feel close to be intimate. How do we resolve this disparity in our marriage?

Ask Christopher West is a weekly podcast in which Theology of the Body Institute President Christopher West and his beloved wife Wendy share their humor and wisdom, answering questions about marriage, relationships, life, and the Catholic faith, all in light of John Paul II’s beautiful teachings on the Theology of the Body.

Want to support the Theology of the Body Institute? Become a Patron!

Q1: Recently I attended a Lutheran Free service with my parents. Their pastor, a very scholarly man who knows his Bible well, mentioned 3-4 times in his sermon that after the fall God sees us as 'not good'. How can I explain the Truth (Catholic teaching) to him in love?

Q2: My husband often needs to BE intimate to feel close, where I need to FEEL close to be intimate. The way we express and receive our love is just different. But for me, I am on guard about "always to love never to use" almost to a fault. I'm hesitant to give myself until we FEEL close (and I know that would be ideal), but with young kids we just don't realistically always have the time or energy to reach that point emotionally, and so therefore seldom reach the ability to be intimate physically either.

How can I shift my mindset to be open to intimacy even when I may not FEEL it, knowing that it ultimately is a way I AM showing my husband love in the way he can receive it? I don't want to be afraid that the act is somehow "letting myself be used" just because I may not 100% emotionally FEEL it in the moment. (Worth noting, my husband is also very on guard to "never use" so it's not like he is demanding sex, it just is his love language. )

Submit your question at AskChristopherWest.com.

Resources mentioned this week:

TOB Institute Courses - Including October's course centering on Mary

Find Christopher West on Facebook and Instagram.
Discover the Theology of the Body Institute.

If you enjoy the podcast, help us out by writing a review. Thanks for listening!

Christopher and Wendy hope their advice is helpful to you, but they are not licensed counseling professionals. If you are dealing with serious issues, please consult our list of trusted professionals.

Featuring music by Mike Mangione.

Produced by Sounder and Key.

Fertility in Suffering | ACW73 May 25, 2020

Show notes

What is the difference between attraction and lust? My friend is considering using IVF to try to conceive. How can I help her? My son is going through marriage prep and has asked me for reading recommendations. What do you recommend?

Check out all the great content of our [online conference](tobvirtualconference.com).

Want to support the Theology of the Body Institute? Become a Patron!

Q1: I was recently reading a novel written from a Christian perspective with Christian characters. One of the characters mentions that his growing attraction for the girl "had only started with lust." This line was jarring to me and brought to my attention that many Christians have a mistaken idea that any attraction that is not immediately and obviously spousal must be sinful.

Q2: I'm writing because I found out my best friend (who is Catholic, mind you) is planning on turning to IVF after years of trying to conceive. She has had several miscarriages as well. What can I say to her that will encourage her that IVF is not the answer to the future full of hope that she is seeking?

Q3: My son is getting married in the fall. Both he and his fiance are Catholic. He recently asked me if I had any reading recommendations to supplement his marriage prep. I am looking at several of your books and looking for your guidance. I'm considering "Good News About Sex and Marriage" or "Theology of the Body for Beginners". Thoughts?

Submit your question at AskChristopherWest.com.

Resources mentioned this week:

TOB Virtual Conference - Premium passes are still available, also check our our offerings in Spanish.

Into the Deep Retreats

Catholic Marriage Summit

The Good News about Sex and Marriage

Books by Greg and Lisa Popcak

Find Christopher West on Facebook and Instagram.
Discover the Theology of the Body Institute.

If you enjoy the podcast, help us out by writing a review. Thanks for listening!

Featuring music by Mike Mangione.

Produced by Sounder and Key.

Becoming Saintly | ACW72 May 18, 2020

Show notes

I want to practice the spiritual disciplines of the saints and mystics, but they get in the way of my being a joyful wife and mother. How do I achieve balance here? I take pride in working out, but how do I keep this from straying into vanity?

Want to support the Theology of the Body Institute? Become a Patron!

Q1: For years, I have studied mystical theology and put what I have learned into practice, longing for Union with God. He is so good; I do not doubt that He offers this Union to us all! However, I have bumped into a brick wall. How does one distinguish between scrupulous puritanism and the renouncement of all created things for the love of God? I love God very much and want to love Him more, but when I attempt the bodily mortifications recommended by the Saints in books about Union, I feel less capable of being a joyful wife and mother, less connected to my family in the sharing of a meal or a game or some other fun activity; a beer with my husband, for example. The fruits of these endeavors make me more difficult to live with; not more saintly! I am certain God does not want this, but He does want Union--even more than I do. That's the good news! Is there a separate path to Union for the married than to deny oneself all pleasures but those found in prayer?

Q2: Could you offer any TOB perspective on working out? If I honestly look at my heart as a young husband when I workout - the cultural air I'm breathing has filled it with vanity and ego associated with the increase of my strength. But I do feel a deep good in working out. My mind is just polluted by the culture. How can we maintain a St Joseph heart, while also putting effort into stewarding the masculine body that God gave us?

Submit your question at AskChristopherWest.com.

Resources mentioned this week:

TOB Virtual Conference Premium Pass

TOB Virtual Conference in Spanish!

Jason Evert's Virtual Chastity Project Conference

Good News about Sex and Marriage

Find Christopher West on Facebook and Instagram.
Discover the Theology of the Body Institute.

If you enjoy the podcast, help us out by writing a review. Thanks for listening!

Featuring music by Mike Mangione.

Produced by Sounder and Key.

Live from the TOB Virtual Conference | ACW71 May 11, 2020

Show notes

What does the church teach about organ donation? How do I remain faithful to Church teaching on contraception while dealing with sexually abused youth? How do I deal with an abusive and dismissive husband?

Want to support the Theology of the Body Institute? Become a Patron!

Q1: I am finishing up a semester to be a certified Spiritual Director at St. Vincent Archabbey Seminary. What books should I read or courses should I take to integrate John Paul II's teaching as a spiritual director?

Q2: How do I help those with same-sex attraction to learn about the Theology of the Body?

Q3: What does the Church teach regarding organ donation and the donation of bodies for scientific research post-mortem?

Q4: What is your advice for avoiding the way of the Stoic?

Q5: I work with youth who live in situations where they face danger of sexual abuse. Contraception is often a topic at issue in these situations. How do I remain faithful to the teaching of the Church in these circumstances?

Q6: My husband says that I must have sex with him every 48 hours. Otherwise, he will fall into masturbation and mortal sin. He says it is my duty to prevent this. What do I do?

Submit your question at AskChristopherWest.com.

Resources mentioned this week:

Theology of the Body Virtual Conference Premium Pass

At the Heart of the Gospel book

Word Made Flesh: A Companion to the Sunday Readings book

The Writings of Fr. Jacques Philippe

Anna Carter and Eden Invitation

Andrew Comiskey and Desert Stream Ministries

Find Christopher West on Facebook and Instagram.
Discover the Theology of the Body Institute.

If you enjoy the podcast, help us out by writing a review. Thanks for listening!

Featuring music by Mike Mangione.

Produced by Sounder and Key.

Beyond Rejection | ACW70 May 04, 2020

Show notes

I'm very saddened by the loss of the Eucharist in quarantine. What do I do? God created man (male and female) in his own image, but God is not biological. How does this work? How do I deal with deep feelings of rejection after divorce and annulment?

Want to support the Theology of the Body Institute? Become a Patron!

Q1: My question is about quarantine and the Eucharist, and I am sure others can relate. I have recently been falling more in love with the Lord through the Eucharist, but I took it for granted that He would be there at Mass every Sunday, and I didn't take time out of my week to go to daily Mass, which I now regret. I ache deeply to receive Jesus sacramentally and I long for the physical closeness of receiving Him in the Eucharist. I realize that the ache is a good thing, in a way, but often find myself resenting the fact that I cannot now receive Communion, and I tend toward self pity in this, not prayer. How can I recognize the grace God is offering in this time of trial and pray into the ache it is bringing about in my heart?

Q2: So in Genesis 1:27, which I'm sure you're very familiar with, it says "So God created humankind in his image, in the image of God he created them, male and female he created them."
So it says that God created them in his image, but he doesn't have a body, so it must be a different kind of image, not a biological one. But he says that he created them in the image of God, then he continues to elaborate by saying that that image is in the gender of Male and female. So my question is, if being in God's image is not meant biologically, how is it shown in the genders of male and female?

Q3: I am currently undergoing the divorce and annulment process. One of the largest reasons for things ending is that she just refused to have a physical relationship with me. After a lot of detailed conversations with priests and my counselor I can accept intellectually that I am not to blame for this, but I am really struggling with deep feelings of rejection and that there must be something wrong with me. Any advice?

Submit your question at AskChristopherWest.com.

Resources mentioned this week:

TOB Virtual Conference May 8-10, 2020

Find Christopher West on Facebook and Instagram.
Discover the Theology of the Body Institute.

If you enjoy the podcast, help us out by writing a review. Thanks for listening!

Featuring music by Mike Mangione.

Produced by Sounder and Key.

Christopher is a Chronic Melon | ACW69 Apr 27, 2020

Show notes

I have been waiting for an annulment of my previous marriage for years. Do you have any advice? Is it appropriate to say that for intersex people, God created them that way? Do you ever use the four temperaments to talk about personality and the relationships between people?

Check out the FREE TOB Virtual Conference May 8-10!

Q1: My husband divorced me a few years ago and I have been going through the petition for invalidity. This has been going on for years and I'm still waiting to hear the findings of the Tribunal. I always considered my vocation to be marriage and I am praying for peace to accept God's will. What advice could you give?

Q2: If God did not create individuals to be gay, but it is rather a result of the fall, then what about hermaphrodites? Is it appropriate to say that God did not necessarily "Create" them that way? But rather their condition is another result of man's sin?

Q3: I am fascinated by the four temperaments. Learning about them has greatly helped my self-awareness and relationships. Do you have a perspective on this? Could you discuss why it is especially important in marriage to understand your and your spouse’s temperament?

Submit your question at AskChristopherWest.com.

Resources mentioned this week:

Free TOB Virtual Conference May 8-10

Is the Coronavirus Pandemic a Judgement from God? | Mary Healy

Introduction to Christianity | Pope Benedict XVI

Find Christopher West on Facebook and Instagram.
Discover the Theology of the Body Institute.

If you enjoy the podcast, help us out by writing a review. Thanks for listening!

Featuring music by Mike Mangione.

Produced by Sounder and Key.

Heart and Soul | ACW68 Apr 20, 2020

Show notes

For a non-Catholic, what is "transubstantiation"? Is my "heart" the same thing as my soul? I'm about to have my sixth Caesarean section. My doctor wants me to undergo a tubal ligation. Is this licit?

Want to support the Theology of the Body Institute? Become a Patron!

Q1: I'm a non-Catholic believer. Could you please explain the doctrine of transubstantiation, and why non-Catholics cannot receive the Eucharist?

Q2: Is my "heart" my soul?

Q3: My husband and I were introduced to NFP during our pre-marriage classes. It has helped us to grow in faith over the years. I am pregnant now with our fifth baby, and will have my fifth Caesarean section in November. My doctor asked me if I would like to do a tubal this time, as she strongly advises in her medical opinion that I should not become pregnant a sixth time. She even sugggested I talk with a priest to see if it would ever be permissible for medical reasons. Is it ever permissible to get your tubes tied or is it always a serious sin no matter what the reason?

Submit your question at AskChristopherWest.com.

Resources mentioned this week:

Catechism of the Catholic Church

Scott Hahn's Conversion Story

Jeff Cavins' Conversion Story

TOB 1 Course Online

Find Christopher West on Facebook and Instagram.
Discover the Theology of the Body Institute.

If you enjoy the podcast, help us out by writing a review. Thanks for listening!

Featuring music by Mike Mangione.

Produced by Sounder and Key.

Make Peace with the Journey | ACW67 Apr 13, 2020

Show notes

Is taking communion spiritually the same as taking communion physically? Can we experience the true communion of persons in Eden here on Earth? As a woman, I struggle with the number of men who watch porn. I feel like I should be more thoughtful about the way I dress as a result. What do you think?

Want to support the Theology of the Body Institute? Become a Patron!

Submit your question at AskChristopherWest.com.

Q1: I've heard a lot of people talking about making an act of spiritual communion. Does this replace taking physical communion?

Q2: Through JPII's perspective, is Christ saying that if we regain our humility and trust in God, we can, in a sense, go back to Eden and experience that true communion of persons? Maybe i'm romanticising it to be a return to the perfected image of God, instead of the best we can be in our broken image of God after The Fall. I can see how we can't necessarily reside in that perfect communion of persons due to our brokeness, but can we experience it even for a moment in this life? What are your thoughts and experience with this? I don't know if i should hold out hope for this, or clarify my understanding. Thanks! Sending my love!

Q3: It makes me so uncomfortable knowing how many men watch porn that I live in constant fear someone will look at me and objectify me or sexualize me. I dress modestly, though I'm almost paralyzed by fear of a random man looking at me a certain way. I have a wonderful boyfriend who loves me and doesn't objectify me, and I'm so comfortable around him and my wonderful Catholic guy friends. I would like to dress femininely and elegantly, but I fear showing the shape of my body. I don't want to hide that I'm female obviously. I don't know what to do. How do I cope with the fear of being sexualized? Thank you for reading! I appreciate all you do and absolutely love TOB!

Resources mentioned this week:

Jesus of Nazareth Mini-Series

Christopher's Youtube Channel

Find Christopher West on Facebook and Instagram.
Discover the Theology of the Body Institute.

If you enjoy the podcast, help us out by writing a review. Thanks for listening!

Featuring music by Mike Mangione.

Produced by Sounder and Key.

In the Family | ACW66 Apr 06, 2020

Show notes

This week, Christopher and Wendy talk about struggles within families. How do I deal with my dad's pornography use? How do I help my mother be at peace with my upcoming marriage? As a disabled person, how do I find a spouse who loves me for me?

Want to support the Theology of the Body Institute? Become a Patron!

Q1: I’m a 24 year old female and I have 5 younger siblings. I currently live at home with my family.
Can you please comment on how pornography use by a father can impact a daughter’s life and her relationship with her father. My father is currently viewing pornography. My mom is trying but she can’t control his behaviour and my dad is trying but I’m not sure he sees it as a problem or he says he’s trying but he says he needs this to cope with stress now. Addiction is tough and I understand sexual addiction and alcohol are tricky to stop and this leads to escalating fights in my family at times. I’m of course going to counselling and trying to reach out for support from friends and pastoral care. I’d really appreciate prayers and input!

Q2: As I prepare for my upcoming marriage, I've found that my family (mostly my mother) has struggled with the idea of me getting married and "leaving her". (Even though she prayed for me to find a spouse for many years and my family approves and loves my fiance.) She has made comments about how I spend more time with his side of the family or worries how we'll handle future holidays/weekends; it seems that she is hurt by it. I should note that I'm also the first one to get married in my family. How do I handle this in the midst of the joyous time of preparing to enter a sacrament with my fiance?

Q3: I’ve been disabled from birth and marriage is something that’s a desire of my heart for sure. My counselor made me aware of the fact that people will sometimes marry disabled people to obtain government disability benefits. I'm afraid of becoming a victim of this ruthless practice. Any words of wisdom?

Submit your question at AskChristopherWest.com.

Resources mentioned this week:

Strive by Matt Fradd - Resource for addressing pornography use

Find Christopher West on Facebook and Instagram.
Discover the Theology of the Body Institute.

If you enjoy the podcast, help us out by writing a review. Thanks for listening!

Featuring music by Mike Mangione.

Produced by Sounder and Key.

Thirsty Hearts | ACW65 Mar 30, 2020

Show notes

Why do people hoard toilet paper? How do I help my wife deal with my past of pornography addiction? Why is polyamory wrong?

Want to support the Theology of the Body Institute? Become a Patron!

Submit your question at AskChristopherWest.com.

Q1: Often there are attractive looking women on TV. I know my wife is uncomfortable with my watching them as I used to have a pornography problem. So I turn away and my wife says I am not “healed”. However if I instead continue watching, she gets tense and even says to change the channel. How can I “win”? She has wounds from my precious behavior but blames me for not healing even though I do not indulge anymore.

Q2: Can you talk about the Church's stance on polyamory? I'm pretty sure it's similar to responses to pornography or polygamy in the sense that there is an "other" outside of the relationship, but I'm having trouble articulating specifically why it's wrong according to moral/natural law.

Resources mentioned this week:

Christopher's Youtube Channel - Subscribe to receive daily live videos from Christopher

Fr Jacques Philippe - Searching For and Maintaining Peace

Find Christopher West on Facebook and Instagram.
Discover the Theology of the Body Institute.

If you enjoy the podcast, help us out by writing a review. Thanks for listening!

Featuring music by Mike Mangione.

Produced by Sounder and Key.