Ask Christopher West

Latest Episodes:

Within the Strike Zone | ACW84 Aug 10, 2020

Show notes

When it comes to praying for a spouse, to what degree should I expect God to fulfill my checklist? I read in a protestant book for women that we have no right to expect our husband to stay sexually pure if we constantly pull away. Can you give a TOB perspective on this?

Ask Christopher West is a weekly podcast in which Theology of the Body Institute President Christopher West and his beloved wife Wendy share their humor and wisdom, answering questions about marriage, relationships, life, and the Catholic faith, all in light of John Paul II’s beautiful teachings on the Theology of the Body.

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Q1: When it comes to praying for a spouse after discerning the call to marriage, to what extent should I expect God to consider my inner desires for physical beauty, age similarity and personality traits? I'm afraid to seek dates/courtship because of the possibility that God might expect me to be open to someone who doesn't meet my inner checklist.
I want to avoid the trap of thinking that "I" can ultimately satisfy my deepest desires, especially during the ache of singlehood. Is it wishful thinking to believe that "God doesn't show you gold and then give you silver" in the dating context?

Q2: In a Protestant book to help wives recover from the porn addiction of their husband, I read this: "While we're quick to expect our husbands to tow God's line of sexual purity, we're often slow to tow HIs other line and admit that our bodies aren't our own. We have no right to expect our husband to stay sexually pure if we constantly pull away. We're his sole vessel of sexual satisfaction and guys need regular sexual fulfillment, two to three times a week." I need the TOB point of view on this in my journey to heal.

Submit your question at AskChristopherWest.com.

Resources mentioned this week:

Good News about Sex & Marriage

Theology of the Body for Beginners

If you are in financial need and honestly cannot afford a book or resource recomended on this podcast, contact: michele@tobinstitute.org

Find Christopher West on Facebook and Instagram.
Discover the Theology of the Body Institute.

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Christopher and Wendy hope their advice is helpful to you, but they are not licensed counseling professionals. If you are dealing with serious issues, please consult our list of trusted professionals.

Featuring music by Mike Mangione.

Prophetic Underpants | ACW83 Aug 03, 2020

Show notes

Is it immoral to cohabitate with your fiance due to COVID if you are not engaging in intercourse and taking measures to avoid scandal? Do you have any wisdom for overcoming the struggle with pornography after a relapse? How do we know John “leapt for joy” in the womb?

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Q1: I had a question about a very unique cohabitation situation. One of my friends (say Bob) is cohabitating with his fiance because of COVID. They decided that it was healthier that they live together since she would be in an unhealthy family situation at home with no job. Bob is a very devout Catholic and is very aware on the churches teachings (he's read some of your books), and in an effort to reduce scandal his brother is living in his apartment as well. Bob is hoping that his fiance can move out soon, but it has been over a month and the deadline only keeps getting extended for quarantine. The question: If they are not engaging in sex and believe that they are not committing scandal, is this still contrary to the church's teaching? He is one of my best friends so I'm very concerned for his spiritual welfare and helping him avoid scandal.

Q2: I am having trouble overcoming my attachment to pornography. I have struggled with it since I was 7 years old. I had a major conversion when I was 20 years old and I stopped watching pornography for 4 years after that. I am now 25 and the past year the problem has resurfaced and I am struggling again and I do not know why. I thought I had the problem under control. Do you have any spiritual or practical wisdom that you can impart?

Q3: How do we know John “leapt for joy” in the womb? I mean how do we discern between that and just a swift kick in the rib or evening calisthenics?

Submit your question at AskChristopherWest.com.

Resources mentioned this week:

Interrior Freedom by Fr. Jacques Philippe

Join Matt Fradd and discover the keys to a life of freedom
through the [STRIVE 21-Day Challenge](www.strive21.com)

If you are in financial need and honestly cannot afford a book or resource recomended on this podcast, contact: michele@tobinstitute.org

Find Christopher West on Facebook and Instagram.
Discover the Theology of the Body Institute.

If you enjoy the podcast, help us out by writing a review. Thanks for listening!

Featuring music by Mike Mangione.

Sadness in Heaven? | ACW82 Jul 27, 2020

Show notes

If we won't be married in heaven, will we still be together as a family? How does God's command to "be fruitful and multiply" apply to us today?

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Q1: I really enjoy Theology of the Body and its insights really help me to love my faith more. The one thing that I struggle with is how we will not be married in heaven. I understand that marriage is only a sign of what is to come, but it makes me sad that think that our families will not be the same in heaven. Will we still be together as a family in heaven? If you are able, could you explain this mystery a little more?

Q2: Can you talk about how God's command to Adam and Eve to "be fruitful and multiply" relates to us today? This command came before they had sinned. Also, a church leader said that having children in Jewish families in the Old Testament was so vital and esteemed because they were expecting the Messiah (and thus that having babies after He was born was not as vital). How do children hold a special place in God's plan today? So many people are convinced that having less children is an essential part of the solution of climate change.

Submit your question at AskChristopherWest.com.

Resources mentioned this week:

Theology of the Body Virtual Conference

Find Christopher West on Facebook and Instagram.
Discover the Theology of the Body Institute.

If you enjoy the podcast, help us out by writing a review. Thanks for listening!

Featuring music by Mike Mangione.

Mary Precedes the Patriarchy | ACW81 Jul 20, 2020

Show notes

Why did God create a patriarchy for the human family and for the hierarchy of his church? Why is there no gender complementarity at the altar during mass or in the organization of the church? Can you shed some light on the sacrament of confession?

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Q1: Why did God create a patriarchy for the human family and for the hierarchy of his church?

Q2: Why is there no gender complementarity at the altar during mass in a visible way?

Q3: Why is there no gender complementarity in the organization of the church?

Q4: While I know that confession is an essential, powerful and healing sacrament, I have often dreaded going. I find that confessing my sins is uncomfortable and am always fearful that I will fail to confess everything. I do not think that I have fully perceived and experienced true nature of the sacrament. Can you shed some light on the sacrament of confession?

Submit your question at AskChristopherWest.com.

Resources mentioned this week:

Heaven's Song

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Discover the Theology of the Body Institute.

If you enjoy the podcast, help us out by writing a review. Thanks for listening!

Featuring music by Mike Mangione.

Inviting God into the Bedroom | ACW80 Jul 13, 2020

Show notes

How can I experience Christ through love making? Is the path of holiness a return to Eden?

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Q1: Since the marital embrace is a sign of the unity of the trinity and created by God, how can I experience Christ through love making? It can take years to even be happy with "God being in the room" while love making. I do experience the sacrificial love, goodness and power of the act but I know there is more. To invite God into it more and unlock deeper intimacy. Are there married saints who write on this?

Q2: Through JPII's perspective, is Christ saying that if we regain our humility and trust in God, we can, in a sense, go back to Eden and experience that true communion of persons? Maybe I'm romanticising it to be a return to the perfected image of God, instead of the best we can be in our broken image of God after The Fall. What are your thoughts and experience with this?

Submit your question at AskChristopherWest.com.

Find Christopher West on Facebook and Instagram.
Discover the Theology of the Body Institute.

If you enjoy the podcast, help us out by writing a review. Thanks for listening!

Featuring music by Mike Mangione.

Is the Woman to Blame? | ACW79 Jul 06, 2020

Show notes

What is your opinion on the negative impact popular music has on the way men treat women? Are women responsible for presenting themselves in a way that does not arouse lust? My husband refuses to be intimate with me because of my dedication to the faith. What should I do?

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Q1: Frist, I want to thank you for your podcast. It has helped me a lot in my life. I am currently finishing my last year of college studying psychology in Mexico and for me to graduate, I have to do a thesis. The topic I'm investigating is the impact popular music has on male college students to the way they see women – how listening to some types of music affects men in the objectification of women. I know Christopher is a big fan of music, so I wanted to hear your opinion on the negative impact popular music, especially rap and hip-hop genre, could have on men in the way they see and treat women.

Q2: I recently listened to Jason Evert interview Christopher West for the Love Life Conference. I had a question about something in the beginning when they spoke of jewels not being the cause of theft and the beauty of woman not being the cause of lust. I understand that, but is there some responsibility on the part of the woman to present herself in a wholesome way? I'm not saying we need to wear burlap sacks around but is there some sort of line that's crossed between wholesome beauty and something else? I remember a girl in highschool wanted to go to school in a t-shirt with no bra because she said, "It's my body. I'm not ashamed." Well that's not wrong; it's good not to be ashamed of our bodies, but we also need to respect others in how we present ourselves. I would appreciate your thoughts on this matter.

Q3: About seven years ago I had a radical reversion to our faith. I have fallen completely in love with our Lord and the beautiful faith that He left us. I just can't get enough of Theology of the Body. The problem is that only I feel this way. My husband has no interest in the beautiful teaching's of our faith and is quite hostile about TOB. He says I have changed in the way we're intimate together and perhaps I have because I have such profound reverence for the gift of the marital embrace. I love my husband very much and I long to be close to him, but he says that as long as I quote "love my faith more than him" then sex can't be what it used to be. He says that he is very sad and there is nothing to be done for it. He isn't open to counseling. He often expresses resentment that I love our Lord more than Him. I honestly just don't know what to do with this. I want to have a loving, healthy marriage but my husband has shut down nearly all intimacy.

Submit your question at AskChristopherWest.com.

Find Christopher West on Facebook and Instagram.
Discover the Theology of the Body Institute.

If you enjoy the podcast, help us out by writing a review. Thanks for listening!

Featuring music by Mike Mangione.

It's in the New Testament Somewhere | ACW78 Jun 29, 2020

Show notes

How do I help my sister who feels she is pansexual and struggles with suicidal thoughts? Is it wrong to marvel at the beauty of someone's sexuality? Does sickness in the body relate to anything spiritually?

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Q1: I learned a few months ago that my younger sister has contemplated suicide. Today, I accidentally found a letter she wrote to our mom saying she believes she is pansexual. I feel like she's confusing the friendship love she has for her best friend who is a girl with romantic love. In her letter she used phrases like, "It's not the gender/sex that makes me attracted to someone, but who they are as a person," and other phrases that sound like things I've heard on the internet. I feel like she's choosing to put this label on herself because it's what she's being told to label herself as. She's only fourteen. I'm scared for her and don't know how to help her through this.

Q2: Thank you so much for entering into the pain of the human heart with everyone who God. places before youu on the podcast. I've been loving your podcasts because they've been teaching me just how much my creator loves me. It's also inpiring how receptive you are to each other's love! And now, the topic at hand: I used to have scrupals and I thought that thinking about sexuality was wrong. But more recently I've been wondering if maybe there is a time to marvel at the beauty of a person's sexuality. So my question is, is it always wrong to think about a person's sexuality? How do I marvel at the body's beauty?

Q3: Does sickness in the body relate to anything spiritually?

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Resources mentioned this week:

Theology of the Body I: Head & Heart Immersion Course (Online)

Professor of Rock - Neil Diamond

Find Christopher West on Facebook and Instagram.
Discover the Theology of the Body Institute.

If you enjoy the podcast, help us out by writing a review. Thanks for listening!

Featuring music by Mike Mangione.

Do We Have a Perfect Marriage? | ACW77 Jun 22, 2020

Show notes

How do I understand the part of the Litany of Humility that says "from the desire of being loved, deliver me, O Jesus"? Aren't we made for love? How was your experience homeschooling your children?

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Q1: I recently came across the litany of humility and I'm wondering how to reconcile this line: "from the desire of being loved, deliver me O Jesus" with marriage. My understanding is that the love of God is sufficient; however, if marriage is a reflection of the love marriage we will have with God in heaven, shouldn't we desire our spouses to love us? Also we were created to love and be loved. Therefore, why should I pray not to desire love when that's precisely what I was created for.

Q2: How was your experience homeschooling? I'm very interested in this for my future family and my boyfriend had a great experience with homeschooling when he was younger.

Submit your question at AskChristopherWest.com.

Resources mentioned this week:

TOB Institute Virtual Conference en Español

Find Christopher West on Facebook and Instagram.
Discover the Theology of the Body Institute.

If you enjoy the podcast, help us out by writing a review. Thanks for listening!

Featuring music by Mike Mangione.

Produced by Sounder and Key.

Seeing Through the Window | ACW76 Jun 15, 2020

Show notes

How do I forgive my perpetually dysfunctional family? What do you think about the Latin Mass? How do I understand the part of the Litany of Humility that says "from the desire of being loved, deliver me, O Jesus"? Aren't we made for love?

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Q1: My question is about forgiveness. I live in a family with 5 adult kids and there are many dysfunctional patterns of expressing emotion and dealing with conflict. Many of my family members, myself included, have a difficult time forgiving. I know as Catholics, we are called to forgive the way Jesus forgave us; but I don't understand the difference between forgiveness and living in dysfunction. I feel that the dysfunction has to be solved before I can say, "I forgive you" and let things go; but that often leads to holding grudges and resentment, often for days on end. I don't know how to forgive while still addressing dysfunctional dynamics and not becoming a door mat.

Q2: I wanted to know your thoughts on the Traditional Latin mass? Do you believe it was necessary to change the mass in Vatican II? I believe so much of TOB aligns with the traditional Latin mass. I’m drawn to it and the reverence of it, what do you think and have you ever gone to the Latin mass regularly? Thank you for all you do!

Q3: I recently came across the Litany of Humility and I am wondering about how to reconcile this line “from the desire of being loved, deliver me, O Jesus” with marriage. My understanding is that the love of God is sufficient; however, if a marriage is a reflection of the marriage we will have with God in heaven (hopefully), then shouldn’t we desire our spouse to love us? Also, we were created to love and be loved; therefore, why should I pray to not desire love when that’s precisely what I was created for? Only God’s love?

Submit your question at AskChristopherWest.com.

Resources mentioned this week:

The Chosen TV Series

The Catholic Marriage Summit 2020

Love is Patient but I'm Not by Christopher West

Spirit of the Liturgy by Cardinal Ratzinger

TOB Institute Virtual Conference en Español

TOB Institute Virtual Conference - Premium Pass

Find Christopher West on Facebook and Instagram.
Discover the Theology of the Body Institute.

If you enjoy the podcast, help us out by writing a review. Thanks for listening!

Featuring music by Mike Mangione.

Produced by Sounder and Key.

The Cookie Analogy | ACW75 Jun 08, 2020

Show notes

My wife works for Planned Parenthood; how do I talk to her about this? Is it possible to get too "into" books, movies, and music? How did the Fall happen if we already experienced the supreme love of God?

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Q1: My wife works for Planned Parenthood. I keep telling her to quit her job because it's the worst place on the planet to work. How do I handle this?

Q2: I've been a follower of this podcast and many of Christopher's talks for a while now, and one aspect I've appreciated is your appreciation for movies and songs, even ones that are pop culture or not seemingly religious at face value. I, too, find myself drawn into certain songs or movies, and feel deep emotions toward them. However, I have noticed that I can be almost too engrossed in a compelling book or movie, particularly series such as Harry Potter or The Hunger Games, in which I feel a connection with the characters and their story, and feel almost devastated when the series is over. I have to remind myself that these fantasy series aren't real. What insight do you have regarding my attachment to these stories?

Q3: Hello Christopher & Wendy! I'm reading "TOB for Beginners", but I'm very confused about something. You write, "Before sin, the human heart conformed totally to God's will," and "In the beginning, man and woman were infused with grace; they were drunk on God's wine." I don't understand how we could have distrusted God's love for us when it seems we already had "the cookie" in our hands. Hoping you can shed some light! Thank you immensely for your ministry.

Submit your question at AskChristopherWest.com.

Resources mentioned this week:

Catholic Marriage Summit - June 11-13 - Featuring Christopher and Wendy West

VIrtual Eucharistic Conference - June 12-14 - Featuring Christopher West

TOB Spanish Virtual Conference - June 26-28 - Featuring Christopher West