372 Pages We'll Never Get Back

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Episode 60 – This Podcast is now named Thorn Drumheller Nov 22, 2019

Show notes

Step into the WillowVerse for our first discussion of George Lucas & Chris Claremont’s “SHADOW MOON”! Things get sexy right off the bat, and never let up (if you consider descriptions of hair that is one color but has streaks of another color in it to be sexy. We do.)

We’ll meet some of our favorite characters and quickly say goodbye to them. We’ll be beset upon by verbal jugular japery on the par of “He who smelt it dealt it.” And we’ll likely confuse Death Dogs for Devil Dogs at least a dozen times.

Special thanks to our Patreon supporters who have had access to this episode for days already. Get every episode early and get to participate in contests, giveaways, bonus eps and more. Patreon.com/372pages

Plus, a fine showing from Mike in Real or FanFic, and a surprisingly music set of interludes. For next time, Read thru chapter 2 (page 100 in the mass market paperback!)

Episode 59 – Book 10 Nov 13, 2019

Show notes

Cline
Cline
Theis
Shatlart
Thrash
Pappy
James
Harris
Stoker…

Who’s next? Listen and find out!

(Hey! Patreon supporters have known about this book for a week already and have been snatching up the cheapest used copies! Join them for early access to every episode, bonus eps, videos, contests, and more! patreon.com/372pages )

Episode 58 – China Worm Sunflower Oct 23, 2019

Show notes

Three hypnotizing attempts, two destroyed castles, and countless walnuts later, Lair of The White Worm comes to an end. Break out the medium-grade china and cream-jug, because this is one episode you won’t want to miss.

The 372 Pages Improv Players will attempt to fill the void when the Dark Web comes up empty, and we’ll examine how the book is actually exciting, you just need the right music to play. And does Conor have a new Ogden in his life? Plus, what the hell are the amplified dimensions of a potential breakfast?

Just try to keep all laughter quieter than your average slum beating as Mike & Conor wrap up Bram Stoker’s Bad Book, and keep an eye on the Patreon page for our review of the movie and a mailbag.

Episode 57 – Well Hung Doors Oct 15, 2019

Show notes

It’s our third episode discussing Bram Stoker’s “Lair of the White Worm”. If you like coherent horror stories, we apologize. But as a consolation, may we offer you dozens of sentences with upwards of seven commas in them?

We get the best of what Bram has to offer here: conversations with old men in parlors, absolute gibberish theories passed off as scientific fact, tea with attempted murderers, forest-planks, and of course, in a triumphant return, The Worm of Lambton. We are well aware of the amount of commas in that sentence.

Thank you to all of our generous Patreon supporters! Join them and get every episode early, plus contests, extra eps, and additional stuff only they get to see! patreon.com/372pages

We’ll also inspect Adam Salton’s past to see how he came to amass such an intricate library of smells, and Mike will attempt to improve on Conor’s abysmal Real or Fanfic performance from last episode. For next time, just finish the damn book!

Episode 56 – For the Benefit of Evil Bird Kite Oct 08, 2019

Show notes

To say that LOTWW took an unexpected turn in this section would be a slap in the face to unexpected turns. While it appeared to be inching (worm pun) its way toward an exploration of the enormous holes that TOTALLY PROVE the existence of giant worms, most of the second quarter of the book is dedicated to Caswall’s enormous bird kite.

Does he love the kite? Feel bad about the terror it hath wrought? Who knows! Stoker’s writing is no more clear than Oolanga’s expressions of love to Lady Arabella.

Thanks as always to our Patreon supporters who have been puzzling over the Sudden Birdemic all weekend. Join them at patreon.com/372pages

We’ll also listen in on a historical conversation Stoker had, and Mike turns the tables on Conor by having him guess Real or Fanfic?

For next time read thru Chapter 23

Episode 55 – A Very Special Mongoose Oct 01, 2019

Show notes

Bram, (or is it pronounced Bram) Stoker’s Dracula followup The Lair of the White Worm, is not very good. But there’s a lot to discuss!

Adam Salton has willingly traveled halfway across the world to live with his elderly Grand-Uncle, which is frankly a clue that we’re not in for a relatable experience. But we were not prepared for just how unrelatable! We’ve got mongoose purchasing down by the docks, men who stare like hawks until a woman possibly faints, outfits made of stuff, and women who may be snakes or just smell like them. Plus a big scoop of racism on top!

Thanks to all our Patreon supporters, who get every episode early and are currently in a contest to write a worse sentence than Stoker! Join them here: patreon.com/372pages

All this plus some snippets from a rare audiobook of the unabridged version. For next time, read thru Chapter 16!

Episode 54 – Book 9 Sep 16, 2019

Show notes

We’re on our ninth book! We now have enough bad books to field a baseball team or form our own personal Wu-Tang Clan of crappy literature. No reason to delay any further, hit play to find out what we’re reading next, and then come see us at our September 18th live show in Minneapolis!

Oh, by the way, Patreon supporters have been reading this book all weekend! Join them for just $5 a month and get every episode early! You’ll also get access to Mike’s conversation with Bridget about her fond and not-so-fond 372 memories, Conor’s conversation with Lauren about a book they hated together, and much more! patreon.com/372pages

For the first episode read Chapters 1-8.

Here’s a link to the amazon version we are using. And a link to a free ebook download.

(The giveaway mentioned in this episode is already concluded.)

Episode 53 – Seven Days of Mystery, Drama, Excitement, Compassion, Horror, and Romance Sep 03, 2019

Show notes

We finally finish Charles E. Harris aka The Horny Grandpa’s saga Trucking Through Time. Tension is high as we finally will get an answer to our big question: will the author handle things sloppily or hamfistedly?? There’s a big military standoff, sexy-time both across the river and in the breakdown lane of an interstate, and frankly, way more James A. Garfield involvement than anyone was expecting.

Unfortunately, there’s just not enough of our two favorite characters: the Denver lunch clairvoyant and Dale’s loser son. Guess we’ll just have to wait for a sequel!

Thanks again as always to our Patreon Supporters who get every episode early and are thus will be the firstto hear about our NEXT BOOK! Last week they also got a great bonus episode where Bridget Nelson weighed in on her memories or the terrible books Mike has brought into their home. And come on out to see us on 9/18 at Sisyphus Brewing in Minneapolis!

Episode 52 – Hold Onto Your Buckskins Aug 16, 2019

Show notes

We’ve got a jam-packed penultimate Trucking Through Time episode! Curvy wives! Horny grandpas! Easily accessible caches of cowboy hats! A surprising amount of discussion about James A. Garfield assassin Charles Guiteau. And a reminder to wash any pre-owned buckskins you buy at the thrift store!

With only fifty pages left in Trucking Through Time, we have several questions: “How are they getting back to 2000 Atlanta?”, sure. But also, “How many more meetings will take place in the general’s office?” and “How many times will ChaDale remind us who the REAL savages are?”

Consider chipping in a couple bucks to our Patreon and get every episode early! patreon.com/372pages

We’re also got a surprisingly tricky Real or FanFic and of course Dumb Sentences and emails. Plus we turn to the dark web to examine a heretofore unreported on Wild West career opportunity, and a secret fan theory for what was really going on at the fort.

For next time, finish the damn book!

Episode 51 – Grandpa, No! Aug 12, 2019

Show notes

In between the General reading reports, Trucking Through Time manages to fit in some genuinely insane moments. Our heroes literally get to meet God, and it’s the second craziest thing that happens. (The first is our favorite moment in all of literature.)

We’ll listen in on some surreptitious recordings made by Harris’ family, examine the GoodReads history of a guy who didn’t care for TTT and cares for cookbooks even less, and of course, will see if Mike can separate fanfic from real Harris text.

Consider chipping in a few bucks to our Patreon! We did a call-in show last week for our supporters that was a lot of fun. Get every episode early!

For next time, read thru Chapter 16, page 285. Only two more Truckin’ eps left!

And if you’re near Minneapolis, we’d love to see you at our live show, Wednesday September 18th at Sisyphus Brewing!

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