372 Pages We'll Never Get Back

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Episode 69 – I Seen All Good People Mar 03, 2020

Show notes

In the middle third of Moon People our hero David Braymer… does NOT go to the moon, or meet people from the moon. But fittingly for this number episode, he does get busy as hell!

Following what must have been the most erotic Red Lobster dinner in all of recorded history, Cheral is consumed with lust by her Rocket Man, who remains extremely casual about both his sex and going into space for a decade.

Which turns out to be kind of a crappy decision! Because for every promised medium-to-elaborate apartment that turns out to actually be elaborate (Score!), you get weird quirks like gravity not working, or a ponderous permitting process required if you want to bring chickens on board (I thought this was Amercia!)

Join us on Patreon! Since last time we’ve posted a meme contest and a bonus dark web sketch, plus you get every episode early. Patreon.com/372pages

We’ll also examine David’s habit of asking the Dumbest First Question Possible, which turns out not to be unique to just him on his family tree. All this plus Real or FanFic, Listener Mail, and DSOTW!

For next time, finish the damn book.

Episode 68 – Still Tippin’ on 222s Feb 18, 2020

Show notes

Hey, there he is! The shadow has lifted from the moon, and from our souls, and MOON PEOPLE is the glorious result! There’s so much to discuss here, so pledge to yourselves and to God that you won’t tell anyone else about it and we’ll get started! There’s:

-DMC’s never before seen method of writing dialogue

-What is a 222?

-Differences between print and kindle version

-Hang on I’m going to eat a quick sandwich

-Which Daytona Red Lobster are they visiting?

-Does any of this math check out?

-Is astronomy a science?

–Cathy Rigby???

Join us on Patreon! By supporting the podcast you can get every episode before everyone else, and get bonus stuff. This week supporters got Lauren’s entire 20 minute editorial breakdown of the DMC’s intro that provoked comments such as “Stop, stop, he’s already dead!” patreon.com/372pages

Plus we do some research and discover there actually WAS an editor on this book! And DMC recorded their conversations for posterity! Plus Emails, Dumb Sentences (hoo boy), and a very tricky Real or Fanfic!

For next time read thru chapter 13.

Book 11 Announcement Feb 10, 2020

Show notes

Here it is, the 11th bad book we’re going to read together. It’s going to be way more enjoyable than Shadow Moon. This short announcement was part of a longer Patreon exclusive mailbag, our supporters have been reading the book for a week already. Lucky them! You can join the fun here: patreon.com/372pages

Book 11 is available in paperback and on kindle. For the first assignment, read thru Chapter 7.

Episode 67 – The Worst Book We’ve Ever Read Jan 30, 2020

Show notes

452 pages, 2 blood whips, and one StagLord later, we have finished SHADOW MOON by George Lucas and Chris Claremont. Much like Thorn/Willow, we are now very tired. Unlike our protagonist, we’ve been lying on the floor for three hours now (being tired) but it has not yet granted us permission to enter.

There’s a ton to talk about in this last episode, but we’ll get ahead of your questions: yes we discuss Burglekutt the beet farmer. We’ll also encounter every animal in existence inside a volcano, which is the sort of thing that sounds awesome if it wasn’t in a book by George Lucas or Chris Claremont. Animals the plump sacred princess gets compared to in this section: A monkey, a ferret, and a raccoon. None of those are meant as compliments.

Thank you so much for taking this journey with us! If you want to get in on our Shadow Moon mailbag, or be the first to find out the title of our next book, please join us on patreon! patreon.com/372pages

Episode 66 – We Come to Bury Burys Jan 14, 2020

Show notes

A shocking Very Special Episode! A first in the history of the podcast, possibly a first for any podcast!

The smelly, repugnant, filth-caked, farm-animal-of-a-girl Elora is discussed at length which leads to not one BUT two shocking bathroom tales from Mike and Conor! (Can you get that from Conan’s podcast, I think not?!)

All the departments are here, and it’s just possible that Mike is hitting his stride in Real or Fanfic.

Plus: We discuss the appearance in Shadow Moon of a literal “hell of a rig”.

Support the podcast and join us on Patreon! Get every episode early, bonus eps, contests, our discord and more! patreon.com/372pages

EDIT: Neglected to give the reading assignment which is… wait for it… brace yourselves… yep… FINISH THE BOOK. (We know you’re not going to do that so sorry for the fake drama.)

Episode 65 – Pig Girl Wrecks the Can Jan 07, 2020

Show notes

Happy new year everyone! A new decade has dawned and we are still reading Shadow Moon. In this segment, to the author’s credit, some stuff actually happens! Unfortunately what happens is that a nude otter-man crashes through the roof of a tavern and the sacred princess takes a dump.

Fortunately, we’re able to gain more insight into the dynamic between our two authors via the magic of secret dark web recordings. We’ll also discuss with asperity Clucas’s new word fascination, “implacable”. And we’ll wrack our brains trying to think up new varieties of vermin.

We’re getting close to 500 supporters on Patreon! Kick in a few bucks and get every episode early, and access to other bonus stuff like Meme Contests, TekWar card reviews, and bonus episodes!

For next time, read thru Chapter 12, page 357.

Episode 64 – Willow Loves Willow Dec 26, 2019

Show notes

Mike and Conor have a pretty straightforward discussion about how Thorn née Willow formerly “the floor” kinda sorta transforms into The Demon / A Dragon / Some Stones / a Liquid Mass of His Own Melted Organs / Some Shards / A Mountain / a Swimmer / a Fish, etc., and in that state puffs air into the demon’s daughter who may or may not be Elora, and then, as he has done several times before, looks around the castle, gets pulverized, crushed, bloody, turns into one searing mass of unbearable agony, then pops through some masonry and starts shoving people into moon fire.

So, pretty clear, though some unusual stuff does happen along the way.

Plus: Conor does Real or FanFic and you won’t believe what happens next!

Join us on Patreon where all sorts of fun stuff happens! Early access to every episode, a private discord channel, and other nonsense! patreon.com/372pages

For next episode *deep soul-weary sigh* read fifty more pages!

Episode 63 – Shadow Moon: Episoude the Fourth Dec 16, 2019

Show notes

A jam-packed episode made all the more thrilling because Mike’s computer crashed twice while making it. Was it ensorcelled by a HardDriveHeron with CrashCharms? We may never know.

What else? Pretty straightforward, nothing really stands out — Oh, wait: Willow becomes a floor. I think that’s pretty self-explanatory.

If you enjoy the podcast, please consider supporting it on Patreon! Get every episode early, access to an exclusive Discord server, and extra bonus stuff! patreon.com/372pages

Episode 62 – Llamacorn sez, “Well coat my meat in peanut sauce, it’s a new ep!” Dec 10, 2019

Show notes

Gather round victuallers and chandlers, alike! Lacquer your fur down and join us as we dig further into the Thillow-verse.

Can Mike get a soild D or D- in Real or Fanfic? How’s Thorn’s stand-up routine (the dark web knows)? Can Conor pronounce “magus” any better than “Ogden”? What’s the theoretical limit for a book’s chapter length? Also:

Pop quizzes
Mail from you listeners
Dumb sentences
Minor glamours are cast
Eagles mate

Our Patreon supporters have been listening to this episode for days now. DAYS! Join them at patreon.com/372pages, get every episode early, get access to our exclusive discord channel, see Conor’s favorite Tekwar cards and more!

Finally, want to force Mike to go see a Star War? Then check out a way to do it in the service of a good cause: click here

Episode 61 – Don’t Put Ketchup on your Death Dog Dec 02, 2019

Show notes

Ah, Shadow Moon… That’s a name we haven’t heard in a long time… Well, a week at least!

Join us as we continue our deep dive into the Lucas/Claremont saga “Shadow Moon”. This section begins with a bunch of Death Dogs getting impaled, decapitated, and having various organs thrown into raging infernos. We’ll debate whether Thorn/Willow (Thillow?)’s ability to do any magic that is required of the situation cheapens the drama (it does.) And we’ll do our best to imitate what a Daikini accent might sound like. Spoiler: It sounds like a Chicago accent performed with two wildly varying levels of skill.

Our Patreon supporters are our very favorite listeners, they’ve had access to this episode since way before Thanksgiving! Join them at patreon.com/372pages

All this plus a tricky bunch of fanfic, some emails that explore some theories about whether this was actually ever supposed to be a Willow book, a listen to Maulroom absolutely crushing it at the bar on Lady’s Night, and one very special Llamacorn.

For next time, read up to page 150!

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