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The Not Safe For Mom Group Podcast — Kids & Family
The Not Safe For Mom Group Podcast

When society thinks of motherhood, they often think of Pampers and strollers; but we know it’s far more nuanced and complex than that. There’s a vast spectrum of experiences and stories — like what’s it like to discover your partner’s darkest secret after just having had a baby together? What does motherhood look like when you suffer from multiple mental illnesses? How does a traumatic event in childhood color how we approach motherhood today? These are the kinds of stories we aim to capture, explore, and dig into in this podcast series. This is a podcast featuring real moms, telling their own stories and being their most vulnerable, uncensored selves. Hosted by the founder of the boundary-pushing motherhood platform Not Safe For Mom Group, and a mother of two Alexis Barad-Cutler. Sign up for our newsletter to never miss your Not Safe for Mom Group updates: www.notsafeformomgroup.com/newsletter-podcast

Copyright: © 2022 The Not Safe For Mom Group Podcast

Latest Episodes:

"I'm Burnt The F Out With Thinking About My Motherhood": With writer Sara Peterson Aug 24, 2022

Writer, author, and mom of three Sara Peterson has been down all the instagram wormholes and has lived to tell about it. On this episode, your host Alexis , and Sara have a super candid conversation on the ways in which performative motherhood and momfluencers are wearing us all down. Sara shares with us what it means to be a "hot mom", why prescriptive parenting doesn't work, the new mom haircut, and we also discuss . . . haunted Mormons (IYKYK). Sara's book, MOMFLUENCED, will be out this spring. We go deep into momfluencer culture in this episode, so here are a few articles to provide "supplemental reading":
Articles by Sara:

Also discussed in the episode:

Mormon influencer exposes ‘soft swinging’ secrets on TikTok: ‘Everyone hooked up’

Subscribe to Sara's Substack, "In Pursuit of Clean Countertops", here.

Poppyseed Health offers 24/7 on-demand text access to doulas, midwives, and nurses.

From Sex and Porn Addiction to Class Mom with Author Erica Garza Jul 28, 2022

The National Council on Sexual Addiction Compulsivity has estimated that six to eight percent of Americans, and approximately one in six women struggle with an addiction to pornography and sex. (Many women with sex addiction engage in casual sex, have multiple partners, or affairs. ) Author, and mom Erica Garza is one of the few women speaking out about her struggles with porn and compulsive masturbation (beginning at age 12), and later, sex addiction. Her memoir, "Getting Off: One Woman’s Journey Through Sex and Porn Addiction" is a brave and eye-opening story that helps dispel myths and opens up a necessary conversation about addiction. On this episode of the podcast, Erica talks about the underlying anxieties that contributed to her addiction, the pain of living a secret life, and how she finally was able to experience pleasure without feelings of shame. Erica also shares how her former addiction informs how she parents her daughter, and offers tips for those who may be struggling with sex addiction and want to seek help.
Ways to get help:

Attend Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous which follows the 12 Step Model from Alcoholics Anonymous
Disrupt unhealthy patterns by turning off your internet or traveling someplace new
Connect with others who are working to recover from addiction (any kind)

You can find her book here.

Poppyseed Health offers 24/7 on-demand text access to doulas, midwives, and nurses.

The Unfathomable Grief of Losing A Child to Pediatric Cancer Jun 27, 2022

Keren Keyzner's daughter Lily was diagnosed with neuroblastoma on the evening of September 16, 2018, at 2.5 years of age. Neuroblastoma is an extremely rare form of cancer, with only about 700 new cases diagnosed every year in the United States. In this episode, Keren shares her daughter's journey, and how Keren and her family coped with such unimaginable loss. If you've ever wondered how you could support friends and loved ones caring for a sick child, or who are mourning the loss of their child, give this episode a listen.

Organizations to donate to/ learn more about pediatric cancer and neuroblastoma:

Candle Lighters: Local non profit that supports families coming to NYC to get treatments- they support the kids, parents and siblings!
Band of Parents: Grassroots non profit started by parents of children with Neuroblastoma to raise funds for new treatments.
Whip Pediatric Cancer: Another great org that raises money for childhood cancer at Sloan and supports families.

Click here to see some images of beautiful Lily and read the poem Keren wrote for her funeral.

Poppyseed Health offers 24/7 on-demand text access to doulas, midwives, and nurses.

I'm Breaking the Cycle of My Family's Generational Trauma Jun 02, 2022

Today we have writer, and coach Jenn M. Choi on the podcast, who shares with us her story of surviving the deaths of both of her immigrant parents (on top of going through a huge life change) and how that process helped her face the generational trauma she'd held onto for so many years. She talks about how she found self-compassion, how reframing healing is a constant process, and how we all have the tools we need within us to become "the moms we wish to be."
Listen to her expert suggestions on how to heal, and move through generational trauma in your own life, and how the ultimate self care is knowing that you need help and that you can't do it all alone:
Jenn's healing go-to's:

Mindset - Knowing to accept help. This is the first step: To get into the mindset of receiving help and saying, it is ok to not be ok, and I cannot do this alone.
Therapy is one of the best tools in helping you not implode with feelings of rage. Finding the right modality of therapy and good chemistry with your therapist is essential.
Coaching - therapy looks at present and past; coaching is more future focused.
Writing - journaling helps you process and come up with things from your subconscious and bring it to light. Writing a letter to your past self can be very powerful.
Online communities - going online and finding your community (FB, IG, Reddit’s sub communities).

Poppyseed Health offers 24/7 on-demand text access to doulas, midwives, and nurses.

I Am an Addict in Recovery: Sobriety in Motherhood May 16, 2022

"I could tell you maybe two people at my son's school know, and this is the crazy thing, maybe even more because I have been around people in those times I was using and you just don't think you look drunk. You did this, you forgot lunch, you did that, and who knows what people picked up on? My disease would lead me to believe they didn't at all, but I'm sure some people did."

In today's episode, we talk with someone who doesn't appear to be an "addict" but only because we have so many misconceptions of how an addict should look. An addict can be someone whose life has completely fallen apart, and it can also be the well-dressed mom at drop-off who is on her way to her C-suite office. Our guest tells us about the origins of her addiction, the career that helped fuel it, and how she has found recovery. She also talks about why she insists on considering herself an "addict" even though she is sober. We'll hear what it is like to parent while in recovery and how she talks to her child about her sobriety.

Resources for recovery:

Poppyseed Health offers 24/7 on-demand text access to doulas, midwives, and nurses.

"Mothering as Social Change": A Conversation with author Angela Garbes May 04, 2022

SEASON 2 PREMIERE! Today we are talking with award-winning author Angela Garbes, of LIKE A MOTHER: A Feminist Journey Through the Science and Culture of Pregnancy, and the just-released ESSENTIAL LABOR: Mothering as Social Change. Her latest book reads like a manifesto for the kind of world we aspire to have for mothers and women and all caregivers, and it asks the question, what if we built a system that lets us care for the people that actually care for us? How do we, in a society that is so detached from our bodies create a world where we value bodies, the human experience, and our right to pleasure?
We talk with Angela about:

how to establish a strong foundational understanding for our children that their bodies are worthy of love, and good care
the responsibility parents hold for teaching our kids to respect all kinds of bodies, and that all bodies are different
how to navigate talking about difficult topics (like bodies, sex, scary news) with our children
the benefits of intergenerational living, and caring for elders
reframing sex and pleasure for ourselves and our kids
how to reconnect sexually with a partner during/after periods of low libido

LIKE A MOTHER, is out now. Grab this must-read book here.
This episode is sponsored by Poppy Seed Health - 24/7 text access to doulas, midwives, and nurses.

Poppyseed Health offers 24/7 on-demand text access to doulas, midwives, and nurses.

Why We Need to Talk About Puberty Early Apr 29, 2022

Puberty doesn't start with periods. Our culture's discomfort around puberty often leads us to wait for conversations about puberty until 12 or 13. But many kids start undergoing the body changes that precede menstruation at much younger ages. And yet, there's very little content in books and media that talk about the intersection of puberty and childhood -- which can begin at ages 8, 9, and 10. Where is the book for the kid that's about to go bra shopping for her first bra during the day but will still be leaving a tooth for the Tooth Fairy at night? Today, we are talking with Megan E. Bryant, the author of ABBY IN BETWEEN. ABBY IN BETWEEN introduces us to Abby, a 9-year-old girl trying to handle all the chaos that can come with growing up -- from shifting family dynamics and changing friendships to new observations about herself and the world around her.

This is an eye-opening discussion where we talk about:

signs your kid wants to talk about puberty
how to continue to undo/break down internalized messages that tell us that what happens to the female body is taboo
how to discuss hygiene-related to physiological changes (i.e. stinky armpits) without making kids feel ashamed
perspective shift on what 'early' puberty actually means (hint: it's a good sign!)
how to know when puberty is beginning for your kid
consent around these conversations, and when going to the pediatrician

Life After Stillbirth: "The Grief Becomes Less All-Encompassing" Feb 22, 2022

We don't talk about stillbirth and infant loss enough because to acknowledge that they happen is to acknowledge that they could happen to US. We protect ourselves from these stories, which are OTHER PEOPLE'S STORIES, to further separate someone else's reality from that of our own. For Anna Feldberg, our guest on this episode, having lost her first daughter Charlotte, who died suddenly at 35 weeks gestation, is a reality from which she cannot separate. Anna shares with us her very personal story, and how she got to a place where the grief (and guilt) was no longer something all-encompassing. Folks often wonder what to say to someone who has experienced the loss of a child, as if that friend is on the other side of a wall and we can't begin to reach them. This episode helps us better understand how to support someone who is going through infant loss -- or, if it is something that has touched our own lives, how we can begin to move through our own grief process.
23,000 babies are born still in the US each year -- and often, the causes for these stillbirths are not clear. After losing Charlotte, Anna found out that her placenta had been small -- something doctors had never mentioned to her during the course of her pregnancy. Anna has become a passionate supporter of consistently measuring the placenta during pregnancy. She now works with an organization called PUSH for Empowered Pregnancy, to research and integrate similar maternal/fetal monitoring protocols into standard prenatal care.
Resources Anna shares in this episode:

"What helped me a lot were support groups and connecting with other women (and men) who went through it."
PUSH's Resource Page: From support groups to medical resources and connections to grief support book suggestions: https://www.pushpregnancy.org/pregnancy-infant-loss
Star Legacy Foundation: Primarily focused on pregnancy loss grief support. Also have a mentor program where they pair a “veteran” loss mom up with a new loss mom.
Our partner Poppy Seed Health provides 24/7 text access to nurses, midwives, and doulas, with a special focus on providing support during pregnancy and infant loss.

Confessions of a Female Rabbi: "Everything Felt Torn Out From Under Me" Jan 31, 2022

When life gets super challenging, we often look towards leaders for guidance -- whether it's a political leader, religious leader, community or group leader, or parent. But what happens when the leader doesn't feel like they can lead? What happens when the leader is struggling just as much as those who are relying on them?
Our guest today is a female rabbi who describes to us not only what its like to go through some of life's biggest shifts in a very public way (IVF, pregnancy, loss of a parent) but also how it feels to try to stay present for all the people who depend on her in their grief, pain, and joy while a pandemic rages on. Plus, find out how The Indigo Girls kind of helped change everything for the better for her.

First I Went Through the Surrogacy Process; Then I Helped Legalize It Jan 09, 2022

When her doctor presented gestational surrogacy (i.e. where the parent - not surrogate - provides own egg for fertilization) as an option for Alexis Cirel, it felt, at first, like defeat. Not only was it something she hadn't ever anticipated, she learned that it wasn't even a legal option in New York at the time ! The paperwork and the sense of disappointment in her body was overwhelming to Alexis, but ultimately the process was a success and she is now the mom of a 5 and 8 year old and recalls the journey as miraculous and special. Her personal experience with surrogacy and infertility also catapulted her to change course in her professional life, at first to help legalize gestational surrogacy in NY state and advocate for others similarly situated, and now to expand her family law practice to include fertility law including surrogacy arrangements. Today, she shares the physical process, the emotional process, and her thoughts about it a few years after having had her two children with the help of the same surrogate, with whom she remains close today. Listen to her fascinating story, and if you're going through something similar, or are curious, Alexis encourages you to reach out. She loves helping other women and be the connection she didn't have at the time.

More about Alexis Cirel and her contact info:
https://www.wbny.com/cirel-gostork-qa
The Child Parent Security Act:
https://www.health.ny.gov/community/pregnancy/surrogacy/
https://www.nytimes.com/2021/02/15/parenting/fertility/surrogates-new-york.html
Surrogates Letter to Gov. Cuomo:
https://www.familyequality.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/04/20190220-Surrogates-letter-to-Governor-Cuomo-1.pdf
Alexis's Favorite Kids Books About Surrogacy:
https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/the-very-kind-koala-kimberly-kluger-bell/1116275910

My Story of Sexual Assault Needed A Retelling Jan 04, 2022

Today's guest suffered one of the worst things one can imagine happening to a person as a child, and lived with this secret well into adulthood. The Christine Blasey Ford hearings were a catalyst for the memories and flashbacks coming back to her and finally letting go of the shame she'd been holding onto for so long. Our guest tells her story of trauma, memory, grace, and resilience because she knows the power and healing that can come sharing her truth. She also shares some of the things she's done that have helped her process her pain and trauma, and that continue to promote her healing.
"I often think of it as as sort of a choir; the more that you speak up, and raise your voice others can join with you and before you know it, you all are singing this incredible tune that can change hearts and minds." - A.
To learn more about I Will Not Be Quiet:
https://www.iwnbq.com/

To read her essay in Elle:
https://www.elle.com/culture/a37501793/rape-pregnancy-texas-abortion-law/

TW: This episode contains material of a sexual nature, including rape and abuse.

My Life as an Influencer Masked My Abusive Childhood Dec 28, 2021

How do you learn how to mother when you grew up "basically, without parents?" Our anonymous guest talks about growing up as an autistic woman with parent figures who were detached at best, and physically and emotionally abusive at worst; and how she vowed to "become the village" she never had once she had a child of her own. But of course, like all best- laid plans -- especially when your aspirations are that of an "influencer" living a perfect Pottery Barn life -- things go quite a bit differently than she had hoped.
Content warning: This episode contains content that involves issues of abuse and harming of children.

"I Begged For Help and No One Listened": Mothering Through Mental Illness Dec 13, 2021

For this week's guest, living with several undiagnosed mental illnesses her entire life wreaked havoc on her childhood, her relationship with her family, and her own self view. Nothing could have prepared her, however, for how the near-fatal blow new parenthood would deliver. Our anonymous guest shares her story of family secrets, going through hell while still showing up for her daughter, and finally getting the support she needed. It shouldn't be this way, but as our guest says in the episode: "Even when we have nothing left to give, we still show up for our children."

*This episode contains content of a sexual nature, references sexual abuse, and may not be suitable for young ears.

My Ex's Sinister Secret: A New Mom's Shocking Discovery Dec 09, 2021

If you learned something absolutely shocking about your partner that you never would have imagined, how would you react? Would you stay and support them? How "bad" would it have to be for you to decide to leave? Today's guest shares her almost-unbelievable story about a discovery she made when she was just 12 weeks postpartum with her daughter, everything she did next, and why.
If you or someone you know is in a similar situation -
Links to Places that Can Help:

TW: This episode contains material of a sexual nature, including rape and abuse.

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