lovelustfear

Latest Episodes:

nillie | next time you see me, smile Oct 03, 2026

Show notes

Nillie grew up under the pressure of her family’s traditions and expectations, especially when it came to finding a husband. She falls for an older man whose attention feels like love, but quickly turns into control. Trapped in a marriage marked by shame, abuse, and fear, she stays for years—until one terrifying night changes everything.

** This episode contains explicit content, including descriptions of strangulation and emotional abuse. Please listen with caution.**

music | sounds
Very Low Note by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)

stay aware | follow | share (nillie)
National Domestic Violence Hotline (24/7/365)
Call 1.800.799.SAFE (7233)
Text: START to 88788
https://www.thehotline.org/
https://www.facebook.com/NationalDomesticViolenceHotline
https://www.instagram.com/NDVHofficial/
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If you would like to consider being a guest on lovelustfear or would like your story featured anonymously, please contact us below.
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ariel | i was addicted to the idea of him Sep 19, 2026

Show notes

After a childhood marked by bullying, anxiety, and insecurity, Ariel turned to drugs and alcohol to numb her pain. As her addiction deepened, she became caught in a cycle of unstable relationships and risky behavior, eventually meeting a man who took advantage of her vulnerabilities and drew her into a relationship that placed her recovery—and ultimately her life—in danger.

**This episode contains explicit content, including descriptions of physical assault, emotional abuse, drug abuse, death, and animal abuse. Please listen with caution.**

music | sounds
Very Low Note by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)

stay aware | follow | share (ariel)
National Domestic Violence Hotline (24/7/365)
Call 1.800.799.SAFE (7233)
Text: START to 88788
https://www.thehotline.org/
https://www.facebook.com/NationalDomesticViolenceHotline
https://www.instagram.com/NDVHofficial/
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If you would like to consider being a guest on lovelustfear or would like your story featured anonymously, please contact us below.
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cait | the whole world froze Sep 05, 2026

Show notes

Cait thought she had found a safe and loving relationship—until cocaine, heavy drinking, threats, and escalating violence exposed the terrifying man behind the charm. Then came a brutal hours-long attack that left her fighting for her life, followed by stalking, a controversial release on bail, and a prosecution that ultimately failed.

** This episode contains explicit content, including sexual assault, graphic descriptions of physical assault and emotional abuse. Please listen with caution.**

music | sounds
Very Low Note by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)

stay aware | follow | share (cait)

National Domestic Violence Hotline (24/7/365)
Call 1.800.799.SAFE (7233)
Text: START to 88788

story submission information
If you would like to consider being a guest on lovelustfear or would like your story featured anonymously, please contact us below.

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channelle | i thought i was in a safe place Feb 15, 2026

Show notes

After a childhood marked by abuse and instability, Channelle spent her teenage years searching for love and safety wherever she could find it. When a next-door neighbor and his family welcomed her in, it felt like the stable home she had always longed for. But what began as comfort slowly twisted into control and abuse. She eventually escaped—until a chance reunion revealed the man she once trusted had become a predator who refused to let her go.

**This episode contains explicit content, including descriptions of sexual assault, physical and emotional abuse. Please listen with caution.**

music | sounds
Very Low Note by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)

stay aware | follow | share (channelle)
National Domestic Violence Hotline (24/7/365)
Call 1.800.799.SAFE (7233)
Text: START to 88788
https://www.thehotline.org/
https://www.facebook.com/NationalDomesticViolenceHotline
https://www.instagram.com/NDVHofficial/
story submission information
If you would like to consider being a guest on lovelustfear or would like your story featured anonymously, please contact us below.
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jaimee | there’s nothing scary about him Sep 10, 2025

Show notes

After a traumatic childhood, Jaimee yearned for peace and stability. She found temporary solace in a long-term marriage, but when it ended, she was drawn to a charismatic and charming man. However, beneath his appealing exterior lay a dark reality. As the relationship unfolded, it spiraled into psychological control, emotional and physical abuse. Caught in a dangerous and toxic situation, Jaimee soon found herself in a battle for her life.

** This episode contains explicit content, including descriptions of sexual assault, physical and emotional abuse. Please listen with caution.**

quotes
“I was in an extremely vulnerable place…I was in a real crossroads in life. My marriage was breaking down. I was very alone. I was lacking this love, lacking attention, lacking validation.” - Jaimee
“…he was so hot and cold, so he would be super charismatic and flirty and then all of a sudden would kind of shift and become quite offhand or even slightly rude.” - Jaimee
“He called me so many names that night and I was just so taken aback. It's the first time I'd ever seen this side. I was a bitch. I was a slut.” - Jaimee
“I was just an absolute mess inside and out. My body was shutting down. I shook all day. I shook all day constantly. I had anxiety attacks constantly.” - Jaimee
“…and he locked the car doors and he drove off away from my driveway. And he said, I fooled you. I tricked you.” - Jaimee
“I really thought that he said to me, I'll fucking kill you. I'm gonna fucking kill you. And I thought, okay, I really am gonna die here.” - Jaimee
“That's seriously, one of the biggest things I've learned is you just, you can't, you can't outrun your trauma. It will catch you at, at some point, unless you, you face it and you deal with it.” - Jaimee
topics | #DysfunctionalFamily #AbusiveRelationship #ChildhoodTrauma
#CopingMechanisms #ToxicRelationships #Manipulation
#LoveBombing #EmotionalAbuse #Control #AssaultSurvivor
#Isolation #MentalHealthMatters #LeavingAbuse #TraumaHealing
#SurvivorStory #HealingJourney #SupportSurvivors #EndAbuse
#YouAreNotAlone #Resilience
music | sounds
Lost Place Atmospheres 002 & Just Deep 1 by Sascha Ende
Very Low Note by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Other Music and Sound Effects by: Alex Wit, cybercutie, Samuel Kamau, Syouki Takahashi, Timothy Kulig, Pixabay, Samuel F. Johanns, AlesiaDavina, and UNIVERSFIELD from Pixabay
stay aware | follow | share (jaimee)
National Domestic Violence Hotline (24/7/365)
Call 1.800.799.SAFE (7233)
Text: START to 88788
https://www.thehotline.org/
https://www.facebook.com/NationalDomesticViolenceHotline
https://www.instagram.com/NDVHofficial/
story submission information
If you would like to consider being a guest on lovelustfear or would like your story featured anonymously, please contact us below.
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lisa | that's when everything changed May 08, 2025

Show notes

As Lisa rises to fame in the modeling world, her ambition takes her around the globe. What starts as a dream life quickly unravels when she becomes the target of a dangerous sexual predator. Exploited by those in power, she refuses to stay silent, putting herself at risk to uncover the truth and protect others from the same fate.

** This episode contains explicit content, including descriptions of sexual assault, human trafficking, and coerion. Please listen with caution.**

quotes
"I definitely always had this personality where I like to have a voice." - Lisa
"As I became a model in my teens, it was like. The mid nineties, right? So we had all these supermodels and every little girl wanted to be a model." - Lisa
I've had certain experiences that I always felt like I could handle." - Lisa
"His whole demeanor changed. He was definitely very, very different at this point. I felt like I couldn't leave the room." - Lisa
"It just changed everything for me and my trust in men for my body, my trust in myself." - Lisa
"They cannot be silenced anymore. That's where the shift is going to change, because when people, yes, are assaulted, they're speaking out where predators have always relied on the fact that all the victims stay silent." - Lisa

topics | #Healing #Transparency #Modeling #Identity #Podcasting #Trauma #Empowerment #Predators #Boundaries #SelfDiscovery #Grooming #Assault #Trust #Relationships #SelfPerception #Mentorship #PowerDynamics #EmotionalImpact #Abuse #ModelingIndustry #SpeakingOut #SurvivorStories #Corruption #PersonalGrowth

music | sounds
Music (CC BY 4.0):
Lost Place Atmospheres 002 by Sascha Ende
Very Low Note by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)

Other Music and Sound Effects by: Alex Wit, cybercutie, freesound_community, Geoffrey Harvey, Syouki Takahashi, Timothy Kulig, Pixabay, Samuel F. Johanns, AlesiaDavina, and UNIVERSFIELD from Pixabay

stay aware | follow | share (lisa)
https://www.instagram.com/iamlisaphillips/
https://www.youtube.com/@fromnowonpod
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/from-now-on/id1766405014
https://open.spotify.com/show/1vOhoPrOkwIyCNApzsBlF8
https://www.tiktok.com/@fromnowonpod
https://linktr.ee/fromnowonpod

National Domestic Violence Hotline (24/7/365)
Call 1.800.799.SAFE (7233)
Text: START to 88788
https://www.thehotline.org/
https://www.facebook.com/NationalDomesticViolenceHotline
https://www.instagram.com/NDVHofficial/
story submission information
If you would like to consider being a guest on lovelustfear or would like your story featured anonymously, please contact us below.
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lynn | everyone is going to take advantage of you Mar 22, 2025

Show notes

After enduring sexual harassment in her early teens, Lynn turns to older men for comfort as she enters adulthood. She becomes pregnant by an abusive partner, faces the heart-wrenching decision of abortion, and suffers further assault. Despite her longing to heal, she becomes caught in toxic cycles, growing increasingly isolated and trapped. Driven by the need to end the cycle of abuse, she fights to break free.

** This episode contains explicit content, including descriptions of sexual assault, physical abuse, and abortion. Please listen with caution.**

quotes
“I developed very fast. I felt like I almost went from being a little girl to being a young woman, who was leered at and gawked at…” - Lynn
“They became abusive…you never knew what kind of person you were gonna get with him.” - Lynn
“…there's no way that I'm gonna get pregnant. and that's exactly what happened.” - Lynn
“A few months later I got a phone call from the father of the baby, from my previous boyfriend, He broke into the house in the middle of the night. He walked into my bedroom, scared the hell out of me. And then in the morning he had left me this incredibly creepy note that said, amongst other things, I just wanted to watch you sleep.” - Lynn
“…that was his way of getting me away from everything that I knew, my job, my friends, my hometown, any connection that I had to anyone to get me alone in a new state to isolate me.” - Lynn
“I encourage everyone out there who has experienced any type of abuse, whether it be emotional or physical, psychological, sexual, to find a good outlet.” - Lynn
“I feel like every time I tell the story, now that I gain a little bit of myself.” - Lynn
topics | #Relationships #EmotionalAbuse #ToxicDynamics #Trust #SelfWorth #AbusiveRelationships #EmotionalManipulation #SexualAssault #ToxicRelationships #RedFlags #Support #Silencing #Fear #Trauma #Reporting #Assault #GenerationalTrauma #Healing #Partner
music | sounds
Music (CC BY 4.0):
Lost Place Atmospheres (001-003) by Sascha Ende
Very Low Note by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Other Music and Sound Effects by Alex Wit, cybercutie, TheoJT, Syouki Takahashi, Timothy Kulig, Pixabay, Samuel F. Johanns, Samuel Kamau, and UNIVERSFIELD from Pixabay
stay aware | follow | share (lynn)
National Domestic Violence Hotline (24/7/365)
Call 1.800.799.SAFE (7233)
Text: START to 88788
https://www.thehotline.org/
https://www.facebook.com/NationalDomesticViolenceHotline
https://www.instagram.com/NDVHofficial/
Hope Alliance
https://www.hopealliancetx.org/
To assist those whose lives have been affected by family and sexual violence by providing safety, services, and developing partnerships that lead to hope, healing, and prevention.
To provide hope of future generations through prevention and be a leader in saving and transforming lives affected by family and sexual violence.
End Violence Against Women International
https://evawintl.org/
We confront interpersonal violence against adults and adolescents of all genders. We specialize in trauma-informed law enforcement responses—from the first interaction with a victim through the investigation and potential prosecution. Positive outcomes for survivors require everyone working together, so we also champion collaborative practices, with multidisciplinary training for health care providers, prosecutors, advocates, and others who respond to survivors.
The National Training Center on Crimes Against Women
https://trainingcaw.org/
The National Training Center on Crimes Against Women (NTC) is a state-of-the-art facility in Dallas, Texas that provides year-round training for those addressing violence against women. Leveraging the rich history of the Conference on Crimes Against Women, NTC offers learning opportunities ranging from basic to advanced levels. Additionally, NTC builds community in the region by hosting free events, even those outside its primary focus areas.
story submission information
If you would like to consider being a guest on lovelustfear or would like your story featured anonymously, please contact us below.
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lauryn | you have to learn to trust me Dec 19, 2024

Show notes

Lauryn’s romance with her movie theater coworker spirals into a toxic cycle of heartbreak, doubt, and obsession, leaving her emotionally crushed but driven to prove her instincts right.

quotes

"...in middle school when girls and boys were starting to pay more attention to each other. And I had crushes, but they were not reciprocated..." - Lauryn

“At the time, I was just like, we're going to be together forever. We had talked about it. You're the love of my life. I'm the love of your life.” - Lauryn

"He breaks up with me, I'm devastated, I start to move on, he calls me, we get back together, he starts to pull away again." - Lauryn

"I'm crying and sobbing, and I wake my parents up. I wake my mom up, and I tell her…I feel like I'm going to die and I will do anything to make this pain stop." - Lauryn

"I'm begging him, begging him, please just break it off with me. I can't do this anymore. I know that you're cheating on me. I know something's going on. I feel it. He was like, I know that we've been through a lot, but you have to learn to trust me." - Lauryn

“Most people that know me, I guarantee you would be like Lauren would rather eat glass than sit around and let someone disrespect her because it's not who I am. But back then, it was who I was…” - Lauryn

topics

#romanticmovies #toxicrelationships #heartbreak #infidelityandbetrayal #selfesteemjourney #comingofagestory #emotionalrecovery #lifeafterheartbreak #loveandselfdiscovery #cheatingandrecovery #teenageromance #lovecycles #findingyourself #healingafterheartbreak #toxiclovepatterns #copingwithbreakups #romanticizedlove #boundariesinrelationships #heartbreaktohealing #redefininglove #trust #stability #doubts #cheating #breakup #devastation #infidelity #confrontation #betrayal #trauma #mentalhealth #recovery #chronicillness #podcasting #awareness #support #podcast

music | sounds
Music (CC BY 4.0):
Lost Place Atmospheres 002 by Sascha Ende
Very Low Note by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Other Music and Sound Effects by Alex Wit, Yevhenii Kovalenko, Syouki Takahashi, Timothy Kulig, Pixabay, Samuel F. Johanns, and UNIVERSFIELD from Pixabay

stay aware | follow | share (lauryn)

Women Deliver
https://womendeliver.org
An Unwavering Advocate for Girls and Women – Women Deliver
We’re a global advocacy organization guided by one end result: that every girl and woman exercises her rights to full bodily autonomy and health.

story submission information
If you would like to consider being a guest on lovelustfear or would like your story featured anonymously, please contact us below.
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allyn | it’s a lot worse than we thought Nov 08, 2024

Show notes

Allyn meets a captivating man who swiftly declares his love, asks her to be his girlfriend, and proposes. But as their long-distance relationship deepens, she uncovers his lingering connection with an ex, leading her down a dark path of deception.
chapters
(00:00) listen with caution
(00:16) next on lovelustfear
(01:40) about allyn
(02:38) allyn’s story
(56:35) questions & answers
(01:01:54) closing thoughts
(01:02:40) charity & organizations
(01:03:10) submit your story
(01:03:21) disclaimer
quotes
“My criteria was something more serious and committed in hopes of finding my person in marriage and all the things that I had kind of been shown and was striving for in life…” - Allyn
“He was all the things that I hadn't experienced in conversations prior with people, and that was something that really drew me in and that I appreciated about him.” - Allyn
“Within less than a week, he told me that he loved me. That was right after our first FaceTime, within probably twenty minutes of us getting off the phone. At that same time, he told me that he wanted to have kids with me, couldn't wait for me to be their Mom.” - Allyn
“Within two hours, probably two hours of being there, I was with his mom…and his mom was with me and she ended up on the phone, on speaker with someone. And they said, Allyn and, and him are going to be coming by, they're with us now, we'll all be together later or something. And the person said, who's Allyn? Who's that? I can't keep track of them.” - Allyn
“And I leaned down, pull something, and out comes lingerie from under his bed. And I just froze. And I look under there, and there's also a woman's shirt and a purse. And I'm thinking really fast, how do I want to handle this?” - Allyn
“...but, in my mind, I was just waiting for, we were waiting for something to happen with his work, we were waiting for a green light on something, and again, he left me in limbo. I just felt like a weird suspended state.” - Allyn
topics
#datingjourney #onlinedating #datingapps #socialawkwardness #whirlwindromance #commitment #engagement #intertwinedfamilies #engagement #honesty #secret #trust #stability #housing #ex-girlfriend #frustration #gaslighting #doubts #cheating #breakup #devastation #infidelity #confrontation #devastation #anger #remorse #cover-up #betrayal #trauma #mentalhealth #recovery #chronicillness #podcasting #awareness #support #podcast
music | sounds
Music (CC BY 4.0):
Lost Place Atmospheres 002 & 003 by Sascha Ende
Very Low Note by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Other Music and Sound Effects by Alex Wit, Yevhenii Kovalenko, Geoffrey Harvey, Cybercutie, Syouki Takahashi, Timothy Kulig, Pixabay, Samuel F. Johanns, and UNIVERSFIELD from Pixabay
stay aware | follow | share (allyn)
Podcast | When Heaven Meets Hell
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/when-heaven-meets-hell/id1757647021
https://open.spotify.com/show/0Ck1Xm1rqmu8BgEUbZpyfE
https://music.amazon.com/podcasts/596cc7d9-1ad4-4777-838a-8680c1b62cf6/when-heaven-meets-hell
Instagram
https://www.instagram.com/allyn.amerongen/
Allyn Amerongen: Coaching. Speaking. Community.
https://doingitdespite.com/
War Party Movement
https://warpartymovement.com/
AtWar Party Movement we're about having "less thunder in the mouth, more lightning in the hand." We are fiercely committed to taking action in breaking cycles of abuse and fundamentally changing the way women are treated, across the country and particularly in Native communities, through our 501(c)3 non-profit War Party Ranch. We provide opportunities for women and girls to create working and life skills that foster independence and self reliance in all aspects of their lives and in all future endeavors.
National Domestic Violence Hotline (24/7/365)
Call 1.800.799.SAFE (7233)
Text: START to 88788
https://www.thehotline.org/
https://www.facebook.com/NationalDomesticViolenceHotline
https://www.instagram.com/NDVHofficial/
story submission information
If you would like to consider being a guest on lovelustfear or would like your story featured anonymously, please contact us below.
submission link | https://lovelustfear.aidaform.com/lovelustfear
E-mail | lovelustfearpod@gmail.com
Instagram | https://www.instagram.com/lovelustfearpod/
subscription links
Amazon Music
https://music.amazon.com/podcasts/b06d0ea8-cb29-4c3a-98e6-0249d84df748/lovelustfear
Spotify
https://open.spotify.com/show/0e3ndcf5u8lZ5lhN1lvWec
Apple
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/lovelustfear/id1735876283
RSS feed
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Want to hear more? Whatever app you’re listening on, just rate us and/or leave us a comment or review.
Thank you for your support!

lorraine | you have to be very careful with him Aug 09, 2024

Show notes

After her divorce, Lorraine sought advice from a shaman, who encouraged her to let others take the lead. She started taking dance classes and began dating her partner, who eventually revealed himself to be a manipulative and controlling narcissist, drawing her into a cycle of escalating abuse.

**This episode contains graphic depictions of sexual assault, racism, and mental, emotional, and physical abuse. Listener discretion is advised.**

quotes

“I decided to take therapy sessions from a shaman. And she said to Lorraine, you have problems being led.” - Lorraine
“I always already checking off all the boxes of how could I be the helper in this the Savior in this relationship?” - Lorraine
“...she said, it took me eight years to get my life back together after what he did to me. And she said, This man will break you down until you are absolutely nothing.” - Lorraine
“I would often lock myself in rooms to get away from him because sometimes things became violent…” - Lorraine
“...the Police officer flips open his gun, puts his hand on his gun and says to me, are you resisting arrest? And that's when it hit me. I'm like, Oh my God. I am a black English speaking woman in a French speaking province. I am fucked.” - Lorraine
“We keep our head up and we walk strong and we believe in God. And we believe in higher power, and we believe in kindness, and that's what's kept me through.” - Lorraine

music | sounds

Music (CC BY 4.0):
Lost Place Atmospheres 002 & 003 by Sascha Ende
Very Low Note by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)

Other Music and Sound Effects by Alex Wit, Yevhenii Kovalenko, Samuel Kamau, Cybercutie, Syouki Takahashi, Timothy Kulig, Pixabay, Samuel F. Johanns, and UNIVERSFIELD from Pixabay

stay aware | follow | share (lorraine)

Go Fund Me Page: https://gofund.me/5bd8a430
Narcissism The Comedy Night:
https://www.montrealimprov.com/shows/narcissism-a-comedy-night
Narcissism The Improvised Musical : https://www.montrealimprov.com/shows/narcissism-the-musical-a-fundraising-event
Instagram:
www.instagram.com/thestarparentpodcast
Woman Aware:
https://www.womenaware.ca/
Natalie Bedard better known as NatNat
Energy Healing Specialist: Regulating the Nervous System and Relieving Emotional and Mental Pain Through Breathwork
Website: www.LiftOneSelf.com
IG: Https://instagram.com/liftoneself
FB: Https://facebook.com/liftoneself
Podcast:
https://liftoneself.buzzsprout.com
Youtube:
https://m.youtube.com/@LiftOneSelfPodcast

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