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    Society & Culture

    You’re Welcome w/ Zoe Nightingale

    You’re Welcome is a satirical improv comedy show whose goal is to find and share peoples stories, from all over the world.

    Each episode is unique and can range from 5 minutes to an hour, and will feature a brand new topic usually with someone Zoe has just met. This podcast is not for the faint of heart, buckle up.

    ABOUT YOU’RE WELCOME

    Like most brilliant ideas, this show was started over a molotov concoction of alcohol and various illicit substances. Zoe had given up on her life long dream, of being the female Howard Stern years ago but finally set out armed with a folding table, a couple lawn chairs, and a foam board sign that read “Free Sex Advice.” One by one strangers stopped what they were doing and sat down to talk to them about their lives.

    We’d like to take this moment to thank you for coming to our site and leave you with the eternal words of Oscar Wilde:

    “I was under the impression that inordinate joviality can atone for an entire lack of class”

    This show is done for one reason only, to bring laughter and remind you that we are all the same.

    Advertise

    Copyright: © All rights reserved

    • Apple Podcasts
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    • Spotify

    Latest Episodes:
    MONEY BURN - AMY & ZOE NON CONSENSUALLY GO TO BURNING MAN Aug 25, 2023
    Show notes

    NOOOOOOOOO what happnened to my plans? FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK Amy Van Doran - Celebrity Match Maker to the stars - friend - greatest story teller of all time and I had a plan. Plans Schmans. TO THE MONEY BURN WE GO

    Learn more about AMY, and join the Modern Love Club www.modernloveclub.com

    Donate to my patreon! www.patreon.com/oralfixation

    Read my BURNER GUIDE - voted best on playa - www.zoenightingale.com/the-burner-guide

    NEXT UP BURNING MAN 2022 EPISODES ARE UP!

    STAY TUNED FOR ALL THE MISERY AND THE LOVE AND SWEAT AND BLOOD

    BAD PUPPY Aug 17, 2023
    Show notes

    Welcome to the wonderful world of furry fandom, a magical world where everyone looks like some version of your favorite cartoon character and you can be literally anything, or anyone you want to be. Now, I know some of you may not understand this world, and neither really do I, but it doesn't matter because its just another way for people in this world to connect, find love, find friends, and express their creativity. It's not about sex, it's not lunatics who think that they actually are a dragon, it's people who have found a "fursona" that allows them to access parts of their personality that they otherwise wouldn't have been able to. I have ALOT of interviews, and I hope you are as excited as I am to open the door to this hidden world.

    I WILL BE AT BURNING MAN FUCK MY ACTUAL LYF

    Come find me at CAMP RELAXOMATIC 4:30 and C inside the Village: The Institute

    Don't forget to read my 100 page Burning Man Guide and Decompression Guides - written with a quill using my own tears and blood - found here:

    https://www.zoenightingale.com/the-burner-guide

    If any of my humble offerings bring you joy you can be my patron!

    All money goes towards supporting this one girl get a cup - and stay off ONLY FANS - cuz nobody needs to see all of that. Let me pay rent with dignity...please? hahahaha. I DON'T NEED YOU HA WHATEVER - I will always pay rent - but god it's nice to know that people find value in the work I do. OR just conect with me! I lvoe hearing from you!

    @drzightingale on inta

    genuinleyfalse@gmail.com - email

    THANK YOU TO MY MOM AND DAD WHO ARE MY LITERAL TREE SO I COULD HAVE A STARTING POINT FOR MY APPLE TO ROLL AWAY FROM.


    Adolf Clit Tickler Aug 03, 2023
    Show notes

    God gave men a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time - robin williams

    Good golly miss Molly I feel in love with this woman. DROP DEAD GORGEOUS. I mean I spent most of the interview mesmerized by her face and infectious laugh.

    I could go on forever about how lovely it is to see a sex positive Iranian immigrant create a empire out of dick picks. You just can't make this stuff up. She gave me a ton of free swag, a t-shirt with a little trump dick, fridge magnets, and my FAVORITE the gift wrapping paper. I'm going to buy anything and everything she makes.

    Thank you for inviting me into your home and allowing me to bask in your glow. Check out all her work at www.dicture.com

    Follow her on twitter&Insta @dickturegallery

    Check out ALL my work www.zoenightingale.com Follow me @genuinelyfalse (twitter) @drznightingale (insta)\ Support my patreon :oralfixationtv

    Music: Isn't it awefully Nice to Have a Penish

    Love Endevour - Alice Smith - Maurice Fulton Remix BEST SONG EVER


    The Pretentious Prick Jul 27, 2023
    Show notes

    Introducing Justin Ross Lee the "Super Charged Super Jew" who refuses to fly anything other than first class or private, runs a company called "Pretentious Pocket Square," which sells super d paisley silk pocket squares with names like,"the Bateman" "the Madoff." A guy who calls himself the "Jewish Robinhood" because he deigns to leave first class and pour the "putz's" in coach glasses of Moet.

    If you combined things like:

    Kim Kardashian, Paris Hilton, Global warming, bottle Service, private Planes, South Beach, corporate greed, trust fund babies, herpes, russian prostitutes, Bravo TV, cocaine conversations, new money, all the Real Housewives, guys who don't wear socks, investment bankers, Republicans, Hermes belts, Dolce Gabbana anything, and put them into a blender and then added a dash of semen, a gallon a jet fuel, and a sprinkle of Vagisil and you would create the Molotov cocktail that is Justin Ross Lee.

    His ringtone is Ass n Titties by DJ Assault, claims he doesn't like Asian Women because he doesn't do the "MSG" and is dripping in so much false testosterone and confidence that you feel like you have to take a shower the moment you lock eyes with him. It took him all of 5 minutes to show me a picture of his Tower of Piza leaning dick which has got to be a record for me. And even though he loves girls who are "shiksalicious," meaning fake tits, big vacant eyes, and super blonde hair with a crucifix hanging in their cleavage, our entire conversation was spent with him trying to figure out whether he wanted to fuck me, or kill me maybe both at the same time who knows.

    This was a challenging interview for me because while he represents pretty much everything I hate on the planet I ended up really enjoying our conversation and liking him. To a fault I commend anyone who has the chutzpah to do something different in a funny way, and let me tell you this mother fucker is hilarious. He's memorized a million sound bites and spits out his little mantras like a tennis ball machine hooked up to a nuclear powered generator right at your head. I can't even fathom the amount of time he has spent in front of the mirror like Stewart Smalley. (I'm Good Enough I'm smart enough and gosh darnit people like me.)

    Yet, we got along swimmingly...which is disturbing onto itself

    But let me be clear, Justin is whip smart, and has found way to literally fake it until he made it.. So with no further ado, I present to you J.R.L vs Z.N - 35 minutes of head to head battle...who wins? I'll let you decide.

    (the answer is EVERYONE LOSES)

    Recorded and edited originally by Jimmy Vallance Remastered by Josiah Lejuwaan Music: Fame - David Bowie Rivolta - Polo and Pan

    Here are some great tweets from him:

    Hopping a Gulfstream GIV down to Boca to thaw out my matzo balls. #FuckTheWeather#TheJewishAmericanDream

    Subaru needs to re-market itself as the official vehicle of slow driving lesbians with too many pets. (this is very funny)

    The novelty of a gorgeous model wears off the moment you fuck her and realize she's no better than anyone else.

    I think I'm in an abusive relationship with LA. Every time I beat the shit out of her she always comes back.

    I make a flight attendant come with one finger.

    Can't control the weather, but I can change it. #Gulfstream #G4 #JewJetting #PretentiousPocket#PocketSquare #PrivateJewJetting #FuckFirstClass

    I am an artist. I paint with Al Gore's tears. #PrivateJewJetting #Gulfstream #PrivateJet #Aviation#Cockpit #LouisVuitton #OliverPeoples #PretentiousPocket #PocketSquare ..


    FUCK AI - THE HUMAN ROBOT IS HERE Jul 20, 2023
    Show notes

    I was invited to record You're Welcome at a Art Gallery opening for a realistic sex exhibit, but I had taken shelter in the summer air, because the inside of the pop up gallery literally smelled like the inside of an ovary. This was due to the lack of air conditioning in a alphabet city basement that was stuffed to the gills with 100 super quaffed/perfumed fashion week model/actor types all wearing Amish hats. My girlfriend described the smell as "mangey minge" I thought it smelled like the inside of an otter's pocket. I must say it lent a realistic atmosphere to huge paintings of double penetrated v's.

    ANYWAY as I was cooling off, and I see this wonderful man, who could have been a character in Zoolander, with what I thought was a hilarious fashion Snork Snorkel so obviously I forced him to come share what the deviled egg was going on.

    Basically he's a super lovely Cyborg who no longer identifies as human, and he's launching a campaign to open the first Cyborg Institute to help others use the same technology to enhance their lives.

    I don't know whether I'm happy about this or not. I actually can't imagine anything worse than having a device installed in my head that would make me love Times Square.

    There will be no limit to where this goes once it gets started. I for one am an analog girl living in a digital world. I want less and less technology. But as cars become driverless, computers get put in front of our eyes, porn becomes 3D through oculus rift, sex dolls get heartbeats, google launches balloons to blanket the world with free Wifi...I guess I wave the white flag.

    Pretty soon i'm going to have to move into a log cabin get a shot gun and start muttering to myself about the good old days when I had to wait hours for Kazaa to download Space Hog. The most exciting porn I when I was young was a gold leafed Kama Sutra book in my parents room.

    I am scared to have children. I just can't imagine what this stuff is doing to kids brains. Instant access to the entire cess pool of human collective wants and imagination? Get ready everyone, it's all happening, and it's happening FAST.

    Check out all his work:

    https://www.cyborgarts.com/neil-harbisson

    Read my burner guide voted #1 kid tested mother NOT approved by all burning man here!

    www.zoenightingale.com

    Music credit: Mr. Roboto - STYX One More Robot - Flaming Lips


    Mercury is in Gatorade Jul 13, 2023
    Show notes

    I met Skylove Solei at a private sound healing that featured water beds with the instruments hooked up to giant bass speakers that were UNDER the water beds so the vibrations literally blew open your third eye and blasted you into outer space. Sound crazy? IT WAS. It was at the Pyramids of Chi in Bali, a sacred hippie dippie next level yoga compound where people of all walks of life (as long as they are wealthy) come to harness their root chakras. Sometimes, when I write words like this, I feel like I've been abducted by yoga aliens and they are in fact now typing for me.

    He was all angles, all muscle, lean and mean and only dresses in the kind of fancy drapey white Tulumenti robes that is usually reserved for people who like to drink Kool Aid in group settings.

    He seemed to glide about the room. I could never hear his footsteps. He had a heart wrenching singing voice, and could play literally every instrument I've every seen at once time. He was cool as a cucumber, and I wanted to know everything about him.

    So I met him again, this time for a group sound healing where women were moaning so loudly I thought either I was going bananas or someone's pineal glad was located inside of there clitoris. Hard to know either way. So we sat, inside this pyramid, surrounded by candles and giant instruments and he showed me how to play them and how he had to come to cross my path in Bali.

    I'll say this about Bali, no matter who you are, it's hard not to fall victim it's palpable spirituality, and eternal search of self....so much so that it's easy to become obsessed with a singular pursuit of a higher consciousness. I do not come from a world that believes in any of this, but I too, have drank the Kool Aid and I'm all about, this crystal bowl life now.

    But I'll say this, there is so much love in this community, and in the pursuit of their highest self, I have found the people that I would have completely written off before as looney tunes, to welcome me with open arms, listen to my skepticism and offer me their life stories simply as a testament to what can happen when you stop believing that god is out to get you and only you, and start to believe that the collective consciousness is on your side.

    Also included a bonus snippet I couldn't fit into our longer conversation at the very very end...I just couldn't help myself.

    THANK YOU SKYLOVE. You can check out all of his art at skyloveart.com Check out Pyramids of Chi here! pyramidsofchi.com

    I AM LOOKING FOR SUPERFANS. Please email me at genuinelyfalse@gmail.com if you want to participate in a one on one survey about how I can be a better podcast creator THANK YOU!!\

    Music: Love Light: Soul Clap


    THE HUMAN KEN DOLL Jul 07, 2023
    Show notes

    Introducing - Justin Jedlica - the human Ken Doll

    A plastic surgery aficionado who to date had over 800 procedures on his entire body. Head, shoulders, knees and toes, you name it, Justin has invented a way to modify it.

    Justin has been featured on countless interviews and TV programs, all which bottle him up into this packaged person, and routinely hyper fixates on his bod mod and rarely deigns to go beyond surface level to explore the bubbling geyser of identity, gender, abuse and sexuality struggles he has faced throughout his life. The more I learn about the pressures facing the LGBTQ+ community, the more I am blown away by the strength it requires to stand up to the prison like standards most cultures put around sexuality and stand proud and tall and say listen, this is who the fuck I am, deal with it.

    He is fascinating, and an incredible storyteller, and I am so thankful to him that he allowed me to meet the tiniest doll inside of him.

    Donate to my patreon so I can pay for real editing and mixing! It's a fortune! Every sheckel counts...

    Help my mother never have to see my on only fans...please hahaha. OR DONT WHATEVER ILL FIGURE IT OUT.

    https://www.patreon.com/oralfixation

    Follow him @justinjedlica His website: www.justinjedlica.com Follow me! @drznightingale My website: zoenightingale.com


    THE CLOSER I AM TO DYING / THE CLOSER I AM TO LIVING Jun 29, 2023
    Show notes

    There are moments in life where you realize, that the universe is on your side. Meeting Alain Robert, the French Spiderman, was so improbable that it must have been woven by the goddess of fate. He had just been released from prison in Manila, and I somehow ended up having brunch next to his champagne soaked celebration.

    I had just left Bali where I had been living for months, and arrived in Manila. I was completely disoriented, as I had been living in a jungle paradise to arrive in a super charged metropolis with over 26 million people and a current of electricity and chaos that I had forgotten about in my months living only with large blue geckos. The first night I was in Manila, the family who was living outside my window in a homemade apt that seemed to be made using only sheets of metal, duct tape, and sheer determination decided to slaughter a very large and very vocal pig. I was awoken by sounds of screaming so startling I thought I was still in a nightmare. Have you ever heard a pig die? ITS FUCKING TERRIBLE. Don't eat them, they have many many feelings and are very very smart.

    Anyway the next day I was working at the bar of my hotel, drinking a glass of overpriced white wine when the most curious man walked through the door.

    This man, was wearing, the coolest outfit I have ever seen. It was almost completely snakeskin, his belt, cowboy boots, pants and vest ALL SNAKE in different colors, one of which was a metallic silver. He rocked up to the restaurant with a huge entourage and they started bringing him bottles of Moet and I thought to myself, yep, this guy and I are destined to be fast friends. So I somehow tricked him into letting me bring out my microphones and while we eat pasta dripping in cream and mushrooms and fresh French bread he let me interrogate him about who he was and why of all the bars in Makati, he had wandered into mine.

    Who he is, is possibly the most inspiring man I have met. A man whose story brought me to tears and refilled my trampled heart with a kind of hope I forgot existed. I love you Alain. Thank you for being you.

    Music: Spiderman theme song 1962 Laidback remix SoulClap - Bakerman

    www.zoenightingale.com

    CHECK OUT ALAIN www.alainrobert.com


    PUT YA MONEY WHERE YOUR MOUTH IS Jun 19, 2023
    Show notes

    Happy FATHERS DAY!

    This is a edited version of an episode I recorded with my father when I was at Art Basel, I'm putting it out now, in honor of my one and only father, because I am the best and worst daughter imaginable.

    Dad, thank you for your brain, and your love of language and words and always making me laugh. You are my tree, and this apple has not rolled very far from it's roots.

    This description of this episode was written a long time ago but it still holds true today:

    For the most part, fancy parties, rich people, and expensive modern art are lame. The thing that makes me bananas is that we live in a world of over educated humans who will spend hours discussing the evils of Trump, Republicans or greedy corporations who turn their backs on their fellow man, while doing it themselves every day. At least Trump is on brand, he has categorically stuck to his beliefs which are: fuck everyone, and grab mother nature's pussy without shame. But I have found recently a giant swath of bleeding heart liberals who claim to care about others, while participating in the same systems that subjugate humans and destroy the planet...All I want is for people to look up from their phones and into the eyes of people in the streets. They are people, they deserve our love and support.

    I wasn't going to ever let this episode ever see the light of day, I have tons of work where I feel like it's not "funny" enough, it's just another sad sack who made bad life choices and my listeners probably only want light and love and comedy in these dark days, but I really had such a hard time at Art Basel with the juxtaposition of money and art that's trying to make a commentary on our society and change people's mindsets that's really just a pig with a sephora level makeover that's another high brow way to celebrate money being the golden calf idol that we all pray to. Fuck that. Just do small things in your life to give back the love that's given to you. People are desperate for just one other person to give a fuck while fancy people in turquoise geometric glasses sip Perrier Jouet in long stemmed flutes waxing poetically about how this 27 thousand dollar bronze dick sculpture is helping change the landscape of female rights. Nothing changes anything besides random acts of kindness and selfless gifts of love. Get it together first world, the way you live your life bores me.

    Music: Let me Be Him: Hot Chip All is Full of Love: Bjork


    THE HUMAN INSTRUMENT Jun 15, 2023
    Show notes

    HI hi hi ! I did it here is a totally unedited podcast uploaded because I promised myself I would do something every Thursday and while I work on much longer more complicated stories, he's just a fun snapshot of life from last night

    Much Love Z

    You can find all his work on

    insta: @humaninstruments

    www.human-instruments.com


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