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You’re Welcome w/ Zoe Nightingale — Society & Culture
You’re Welcome w/ Zoe Nightingale

You’re Welcome is a satirical improv comedy show whose goal is to find and share peoples stories, from all over the world.

Each episode is unique and can range from 5 minutes to an hour, and will feature a brand new topic usually with someone Zoe has just met. This podcast is not for the faint of heart, buckle up.

ABOUT YOU’RE WELCOME

Like most brilliant ideas, this show was started over a molotov concoction of alcohol and various illicit substances. Zoe had given up on her life long dream, of being the female Howard Stern years ago but finally set out armed with a folding table, a couple lawn chairs, and a foam board sign that read “Free Sex Advice.” One by one strangers stopped what they were doing and sat down to talk to them about their lives.

We’d like to take this moment to thank you for coming to our site and leave you with the eternal words of Oscar Wilde:

“I was under the impression that inordinate joviality can atone for an entire lack of class”

This show is done for one reason only, to bring laughter and remind you that we are all the same.

Copyright: © All rights reserved

Latest Episodes:

Alain Robert: The French Spidermans Greatest Achievement Feb 21, 2019

Show notes

There are moments in life where you realize, that the universe is on your side. Meeting Alain Robert, the French Spiderman, was so improbable that it must have been woven by the goddess of fate. He had just been released from prison in Manila, and I had somehow just arrived to Manila! I had just left Bali where I had been living for months, and arrived in Manila. I was completely disoriented, as I had been living in a jungle paradise to arrive in a super charged metropolis with over 26 million people and a current of electricity and chaos that I had forgotten about in my months living only with large blue geckos. The first night I was in Manila, the family who was living outside my window in a homemade apt that seemed to be made using only sheets of metal, duct tape, and sheer determination decided to slaughter a very large and very vocal pig. I was awoken by sounds of screaming so startling I thought I was still in a nightmare. Suffice it to say, I won't be eating piggies again ever. Have you ever heard a pig die? ITS FUCKING TERRIBLE. Don't eat them, they have many many feelings and are very very smart. Anyway the next day I was working at the bar of my hotel, drinking a glass of overpriced white wine when the most curious man walked through the door. This man, was wearing, the coolest outfit I have ever seen. It was almost completely snakeskin, his belt, cowboy boots, pants and vest ALL SNAKE in different colors, one of which was a metallic silver. He rocked up to the restaurant with a huge entourage and they started bringing him bottles of Moet and I thought to myself, yep, this guy and I are destined to be fast friends. So I somehow tricked him into letting me bring out my microphones and while we eat pasta dripping in cream and mushrooms and fresh French bread he let me interrogate him about who he was and why of all the bars in Makati, he had wandered into mine. Who he is, is possibly the most inspiring man I have met. A man whose story brought me to tears and refilled my trampled heart with a kind of hope I forgot existed. I love you Alain. Thank you for being you. Music: Spiderman theme song 1962 Laidback remix SoulClap - Bakerman Edited with LOVE and CARE by Emily Armstrong www.zoenightingale.com CHECK OUT ALAIN www.alainrobert.com

YOU'RE WELCOME Art Basel Ep. 5: The 55 Thousand Dollar Pokemon Jan 24, 2019

Show notes

ART BASEL. What is it exactly? It's a big fuck off money laundering party where you'll see some of the most innovative art in the world but you have to search in between piles of excrement, so large, you'll think they're a set from Jurassic Park. I love artists, and I love creation in all forms, but what I don't love is that the wealthy gallery elite have sucked all of the soul and fun out of it. I am NOT saying that there isn't bright spots of creative genius all over, all I am saying is the price tags are HILARIOUS and most of the ideas about as fresh as Monday night's fish. I have tried to understand it but this is the year I am officially throwing in my white hankie. I'm done, I'm out. The rich and famous no longer interest me. When my beloved Singa was dying, I promised her that I would not only throw her a party fit for a Pharaoh (I did) but I would take her ashes and put them in warm places she could watch the sun rise and set every day over the horizon. So I have set off on a two-part quest. One, to spread the ashes of my best friend, and two, to learn how to be a better global citizen of the planet. I want to share ways that we can all help our fellow humans and try to find ways that I can live more harmoniously with Mother Earth. However, two weeks into my trip, here in Ubud, I got into a really bad scooter accident... and because I was wearing the fancy helmet I bought the moment I stepped foot on this bonkers death trap island, I am alive. If I had not been wearing it, I would most likely be dead. Then my mother would have had to pay for my body to be shipped back to the U.S. and she would have found my ghost and re killed me. I had to remember a lot of very important lessons in the five seconds after I crashed, when I was trying to figure out if I was paralyzed or not, lessons I thought were already cemented in my brain the last time I fought and lost a battle with wheels (Zoe on Rollarblades vs. the Marriott airport pick up truck that flattened me into one of those Acme two dimensional cartoon dead people with giant x's over my eyes.) The most hilarious part is, THERE IS NO ONE MORE CAREFUL THAN ME ON A SCOOTER. I wear the best helmet, I honk for no reason, I go about 2 kilometers per hour. None of that mattered. It's all a big game of chance against the weavers of your fate, so just in case you get squashed by life... DON'T FORGET. Tell your mother you love her, have a will planned in case of emergencies, get your house in order. Live the life that makes you happy, not the one that looks good in photos. Anger, jealousy, bitterness serve no one. Forgive people the moment they wrong you. Don't regret any of your past as it got you to where you are. No matter what your problems are, you can change and live the life that you want. As long as you are breathing, YOU'RE GOOD. Eat dessert, talk to strangers, and always give people a chance to say that they are sorry... Oh yeah, and don't forget your sunscreen. God, am I a preachy disaster today. Also, if you're an east coast Jew who comes from a long line of potato people whose idea of an adventure is to try a two letter word for a triple letter score that you're not sure is in the Scrabble approved dictionary, don't think you can drive a scooter. You will hurt yourself. It's only a matter of time. I can't even believe I made it two weeks without getting hit by a seven year old, smoking a cigarette, driving a three wheeled "car" full of chickens. THIS PLACE IS CRAZY. But I love it. Signing off from UBUD, with one working eye and two knees that look like they were trying to pay rent. LOVE, ZOE Edited with unbelievable love and kindness from Stretch Emily ARMSTRONG. Music: Principles: Benoit and Sergio Love Train: Pillow Talk and Soul Clap and Greg Paulus CREW LOVE FOR LIFE https://m.facebook.com/WolfLamb/ https://m.facebook.com/crewlove.us/ https://m.facebook.com/soulclap/ https://m.facebook.com/benoitandsergio/ http://wolflambmusic.com/

YOU'RE WELCOME Art Basel Ep. 3: Michele Lamy + Black Back Spider Dec 30, 2018

Show notes

I MET MICHELE LAMY. I worship this woman. Bad ass artist, kick ass human, wife of Rick Owens, OG style icon, I can't even. Not only did she let me hang out with her... I gifted her my trusty megaphone and she ran around the art fair yelling at people with it. DREAMS DO COME TRUE EVERYONE. In this episode we meet a bunch of wonderful humans all trying to help me understand, as per usual, why a 12 ft black bronze dildo costs 45K. I for one am about to take a boat to a WEENCY TEENCY island in the middle of the carribean off of Panama with a bunch of wonderful humans to bring in the new year sans technology but full of sun fun and snorkeling and dancing to disco and all the things that make my life worth living. CAN YOU BELIEVE ITS 2019. Speechless. Years are whizzing by and yet I remain faithfully yours, bringing you the stories you didn't even know you wanted to know from all corners of the globe LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE Z Edited with love by Emily Brodtman (I LOVE YOU) www.emilybrodtman,com music: Don't want to Short Short Man: Gilette Can You Feel It: Micheal Jackson

YOU'RE WELCOME Art Basel Ep 2. Dinosaurs vs. Art Basel Dec 18, 2018

Show notes

What is art? I ask this question every year. Some of the things I see at Art Basel tread a VERY fine line between what I think is a discarded pile of trash and what is considered to be revolutionary art work. But...who am I to judge? My girlfriend Noemi (who is a incredible artist) and I were wandering around Art Miami and she introduced me to this lovely man, who had an incredible James Bond Villain like accent and laugh, who had dug up some fossils, and was brilliantly selling his findings in the middle of this fancy art fair! GENIUS. Check out why fossils are art and why museums are dying right now! VIDEOS of this interview are available on my youtube page right now!! Follow me on Instagram! @DrZnightingale Twitter @genuinelyfalse Music: Jurassic Park Theme Song, John Williams Edited with help with the amazing Emily Brodtman www.emilybrodtman.com HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY GIANT MAN NEPHEW ELIJAH WHO IS 18 TODAY!!

YOU'RE WELCOME Art Basel Ep. 1 Ass For Likes Dec 12, 2018

Show notes

ART BASEL 2018 bitches! This must be my 7th year at the worlds most confusing event. Every year I go, and every year I'm left with the same question, WHY DOES THIS STUFF COST SO MUCH. Every year some guy with a german accent and cool colorful glasses explains it to me, but I still don't understand. I am also redoing my youtube to try to take the show to a more visual 360 experience alongside the interviews so you can watch alongside each podcast. YAY! I'm getting my digital shit together(finally). Big thanks to @Curvyphysique and @elena88c for their beauty charm and elegance which made me literally feel like I knew nothing about how to be sexy, but hopefully they will be my mentors and teach me everything I need to know about how to be a success in this internet age. I can't promise you I'll ever be able to post a photo of just my butt, but maybe, just maybe I'll work in some clavicle shots. As always I send you my love, hope and hugs through the airwaves.

ZOE VS NEW JERSEY REPUBLICANS Nov 07, 2018

Show notes

VOTE THEM OUT. Vote them all out. I'm so over it. I would rather let the government be run by 2000 drunk chipmunks then most of these shiny wax figure robot politicians. Democrats are useless, republicans are sheep, everyone thinks that talking about things on social media is what constitutes as participating in politics and no one is actually doing anything. I'm so frustrated. I put this mini episode together in a day and it's truly not my best work, no one would let me record them and the only people who would really speak to me were at a gas station off the side of main road, but whatever, just trying to do my part to get poking at people to get off their tuchus and stop accepting the bulldozing of everything that America is supposed to be about. I'm so sad. Even if we take the house, it's still such a mess. I for one learned a lot about republicans on this canvassing trip and mostly, it's that people are afraid of change, of "others" of the future, of their jobs, and for their children. Also, they REALLY don't like it when you ring their door bell 3 times. I'm running for office in 2020, get ready. I am totally obsessed with finding a new way to communicate with people about how to effectively rise together and vote for people that are actually going to do what they are supposed to do which is protect their constituents and the country and the environment and the systems set up to do this are archaic crumbling and not effective. Everything needs to be overhauled. I'm gonna figure this out.

Pennsic War #47 Part 2 Oct 08, 2018

Show notes

Alright kids part duo has arrived! Here's one thing I've learned, I am not as educated as I thought. I also have almost zero skills that would be useful in non modern times. However, I love this place and all the super uber historical nerds that are running around it's borders in full handmade metal armor in 100 degree heat. Thank you SCA !! Music: Wuldemut

Pennsic Wars Year 47 Part 1 Sep 27, 2018

Show notes

My friend Zander called me on a Monday and said, hey do you want to drive to Pittsburgh and check out a 15,000 person reenactment of the byzantine empire tomorrow morning...and of course I said...YES! I had literally no idea what I was getting myself into. I have done many weird things in my life, all the cons, festivals, but nothing prepared me for this. This place, is magic. It's a breeding ground for SUPER nerds, who are all experts on some totally niche forgotten aspect of centuries past. Started by the SCA, or the Society for Creative Anacronism, this history buff wonderland is beyond description. Crafts, foods, drinks, dance and battle all done as realistically as possible and quite frankly they do judge you if you aren't authentic. I had the very very best time. Also, they don't do drugs, and barely drink, they get their rocks off battling one another on giant battle fields to protect their specific fiefdoms! Its insanity. So here is a small amount of what I found, in two parts. In no way does it do justice to the vast richness of knowledge, classes and learning that is offered there. THANK YOU PENNSIC!

Cracker Ass Crackers Aug 24, 2018

Show notes

HELLO! How are we everyone? I'm BACCCCCK, bigger, better, longer and after this.....uncut. (This joke will make more sense after you listen.) So one year after Richard Spencer and the genius think tank behind the White Power movement threw a super fun march that was a complete shitshow that ended in the tragic and untimely death of Heather Heyer, a beautiful young woman who was there protesting...these super brains thought, I know what we'll do... Let's throw an anniversary march of this dark terrible day, and that way we can show how "united" the White Power movement really is.....But this time, let's do it in...Drumroll please....Washington D.C.! D.C....The Chocolate City, my hometown. A city full of beautiful people from all colors of the rainbow who do NOT take kindly to hate groups, a city so full of cops, military and special services that any move we make will be safeguarded by thousands of hard working police officers, all on the tax payer's dime! So.....Of course, completely hung-over, I decided to hop on a train last minute and start a good ol' fashion Nazi hunt....Thing was, this march, which was supposed to unify the right and show their presence and might, only produced 20 paltry, scrawny, pasty, "Nazi's". Despite this, approximately 1 billion of our tax dollars went into full force barricading and protecting these wonderful men, and helping them exercise their constitutional rights. Although I tried my darnedest to find one of these brave men and give them an opportunity to debate me on why they feel like white people have a right to this so called "American Dream.." I couldn't do it. I searched high and low, but not only did these nazi's not give their scheduled speeches in front of the White House but the itty bitty teeny tiny amount of them that came coward behind a tsunami of riot police so I couldn't even get close to them no matter how hard I tried... So...What do I think after spending the day at this rally...? I think that D.C. is even cooler than I remember...That the counter movement of love and acceptance is growing stronger by the day, and that if we keep it up, there is a real chance that in the next election cycle, some real change is going to come. (Rest in Peace you glorious, wondrous super power that is, and was, Ms. Franklin.) Are we still fucked? YEP! Is there still a seething, black-hooded and hoofed group of angry white people ("MEN") trying to protect their version of the American Dream? YOU BET YA. So what can we do...? Get off your tuchus and VOTE. Raise money, AND give your money/time/heart/soul, and together, we shall overcome.....Or not, and our kids will be slaves to the gun toting hillbilly war lords that will beat us liberal-pansy-whining-NPR listening-losers in the upcoming Civil War: Numero Dos. OFF TO THE BURN...See you when the dust settles. I'll be at 9:15 and H, if you're around meet me and my mother at District, Tuesday afternoon. Look for Singa Nightingale's mausoleum, at the temple...I will have paper and pens to leave her a love note, so you can send her a kiss to the sky before her ashes and my pain is burned up in the temple along with a million other moments of loss and love. I miss you my everything.

Basse - The Magic of Iboga Part 4 Jun 21, 2018

Show notes

Basse - the bwiti word for truth, is what Iboga is all about. It is this search for truth - that creates such drastic results for it's partakers. The tricky thing is, in order to find this truth, Iboga insists that one must start in the the hardest place of all, inside your own mind and soul. Iboga is like a hunter, that helps you seek and destroy all the lies growing and twisting around garden inside of your brain. When it finds them, it hands you a nuclear powered weed wacker and forces you to plow your entire consciousness with it. It's not pleasant, and it's not pretty, but it's fucking honest. We are have a past, we all have a movie of our life that is playing silently in the background either filling you with shame or pride...I had a confusing Molotov cocktail of both. Basse - it is now the solitary goal of my life to live, without lying to myself or anyone else, for the rest of my life. Thank you Iboga, for that gift. Singa wherever you are, I miss you. xx

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